Traded our family for my mother. How a homewrecker takes her husband away from the family, a dangerous situation

How a homewrecker takes her husband away from the family, dangerous situation!!!

Hello, dear readers of the blog site! There is one unpleasant, even slippery topic that cannot be ignored. A danger to your relationship may appear unexpectedly, when you have no idea or suspect anything. And the situation that I want to tell you about today will affect every family, which is bad.

But it’s better to know about this than to brush it off and pretend that this will never happen to you. If forewarned means forearmed. It will be possible to take the necessary measures in time to family boat did not crash on the reefs.

What could happen?

Imagine a family where everything is fine, the spouses treat each other well, they love, sometimes quarrels occur between them, but not too often. Life is getting better, the children are growing up, everything is in perfect order. But…

A man begins to tell his wife from time to time about an employee who got a job with them. Or she has already been working with him for some time, she just suddenly “showed up” in his life, by accident...

These stories are completely innocent in nature, nothing special, nonsense.

At first it all seems understandable; we all love to gossip about those with whom we work. But for some reason the husband is showing more and more interest in this lady. Most likely she younger than his wife, just for a few years. Sometimes, if the husband is in a midlife crisis, this employee is 10-15 years younger. He personally sees nothing wrong with such relationships.

What does he say if his wife asks questions?

“We’re just friends!” or “She’s like my sister!”

The second answer is quite cynical, but you need to understand why the man answers this way. Just on this moment He is interested in this woman, but he is not yet carried away and in fact thinks that he does not feel anything for her. Of course, that’s why he tells his wife everything.

And then suddenly he becomes silent, as if his friend quit or simply disappeared from his life. And now it’s time to sound the alarm. The situation is getting out of control, the man has not yet fallen into the hands of an evil dragon, but has found himself under the influence of a completely stranger woman.

If you don’t do anything, the homewrecker will easily get your man, and he won’t even understand how he will leave the family and run to another.

What's going on in life? How is this possible?

You need to understand that every man, except for the one who is completely lazy, turns out to be a subject for hunting by single women. They don’t even think about love, the main thing for them is status married lady, which must be obtained at any cost. The concept of morality, dignity and honor does not exist for them.

By the way, many wives, some time after the wedding, stop appreciating their men, quarrel with them, say unpleasant things, nag them, mock them, and so on. This hits a man’s ego very hard.

And when a lady appears next to him, who pretends to be, looks at him with delight, says stupid, but such pleasant things, he begins to understand that his wife does not love him, but his new acquaintance appreciates, adores, needs him.

And so he turns away from his wife and switches to a new friend. And she understands perfectly well what to say to him, how to behave in right moment to get yourself a hubby.

Sometimes a wife may suddenly find out that her dear husband is dating someone.

This is very swipe for her, but you will have to do something, and first observe what is happening. But don’t throw hysterics, don’t cry, smearing tears down your face, and don’t go to extremes.

You must understand that these women who select other people’s husbands are very cunning, dexterous, ready to deceive and betray. Men are unaware of these low qualities, have no idea about anything and take everything at face value.

Therefore, you cannot immediately attack your husband and blame him. He may not understand that he is being competently “grazed”, like a bull that needs to be driven into a stall...

If you yell at him and accuse him of treason, he will be very surprised, because he never had such thoughts in his head. And after a hysteria, the wife may immediately appear, because she cried, she has already accused. Her face at that moment was distorted with an unpleasant grimace.

And that good friend of his never allows herself to do this, she just smiles and pretends to be a sweet, gentle, weak woman. In whose favor will such a comparison be?

It is clear that the wife will not show herself with best side and will lose. The man will meet his employee again tomorrow and see all her advantages.

When should you be wary?

The husband tells what interesting girl works in his department. He starts calling someone in the evenings; he receives messages from a lady on his phone, even after hours. He, of course, assures his wife that this is purely for work, but one should not believe this nonsense.

Think for yourself, why should a girl ask a man something if she knows perfectly well that he married man? She's not stupid! She calculated everything perfectly and does it on purpose. And your husband has already paid attention to her, since she has a reason to write something to him. Probably, common things have already appeared.

It also happens that a married man begins to give a lady a lift to work and back if the employee lives somewhere nearby. Such things must be stopped as soon as you find out about it. This won't end well.

You need to speak frankly, not be afraid of it and not pretend that everything will be resolved successfully without your intervention. Yes, the story will end, but not in your favor.

It’s bad if, after your request to end all relationships, your husband doesn’t understand why he doesn’t have the right to meet with his friend, why he can’t talk to her after hours and give her a ride to work.

The man begins to “encrypt”, erases everything on the phone, and the wife gets upset because her intuition tells her that everything is already bad. It is so indeed. Therefore, measures will have to be taken to save the family.

Your husband may be chatting on social networks, you may discover this completely by accident and start a scandal. If things go too far, the next day you will see that all your husband's profiles are under passwords so that you don't pry into his personal life.

And he already has this personal life, you can be sure.

He may say that he is discussing you with his friend, asking her for advice, and she is so smart, she always tells you what to do. Well, just an angel. She!

And then who are you in his eyes? Just a wife who's annoying as hell, or what?

Incredible resentment can overwhelm you; all this is scary and unpleasant. The world seems to be literally falling apart before your eyes.

If you do not notice the danger in time, the man will become more and more interested in his girlfriend; of course, at some point after the next scandal you will pack his suitcase and he will leave your house.

What exactly do these ladies catch men with?

Any woman, if she is lonely, is always in active search. Single men They don’t look at her, maybe she’s ugly, overweight, has a huge nose, a creepy character. So, we need to take someone else’s husband away. It's even fun.

Moral issues don’t bother her, and she doesn’t give a damn about children who will be abandoned!

She needs a husband, at any cost. The first in a row, the second, the third... And she will hang herself on everyone’s neck until one of the men she treats falls for her. Sami understands that this is easiest to do at work.

What is she doing?

She will try to somehow hook your husband, she will impose herself, she will come up with something. Most often, such a lady pretends to be weak woman who really needs help. Here she is, unhappy, for example, her husband just left her and left her alone with the child. Here is a villain, there is no one to feel sorry for her, no one is helping.

A story that works well is that you need to take your child to the clinic, bring something from work, buy medicine at the pharmacy, but it turns out there is no one else to do this except your husband.

Let’s keep silent about the fact that her husband left her for a reason, but because he found out that he had been cuckolded.

But yours own husband will never know about this. He will sincerely think that he is helping the lady, maybe even give her money, poor thing! She will begin to participate in her life and empathize with her suffering. And she will even discuss you with her!!!

You have learned about all this, and now you need to decide how to behave. First of all, decide whether you love your husband. If not, don't even try to keep him, you'll regret it later. Release it on all four sides. While your nerves are still intact.

There is a concept physical betrayal. There is also a concept emotional betrayal. This is even worse, because it was so pleasant for your husband to communicate with another woman, to share his secrets, and again he did not take your side.

How to survive all this?

In any relationship between a man and a woman there is always an erotic subtext. Don't believe it if your husband tells you that this is just friendship. There is no such thing in a relationship different genders. That's just what he calls his hidden interest in new friend. Maybe he himself still doesn’t understand why he’s drawn to her.

He's just trying to help, with the best intentions. And she will in every possible way pretend to be a helpless lady, deprived of male support.

So, danger has arisen if there is a woman in your husband’s life about whom he tells you, gives her a ride to work, helps her. Discusses you with her, asks for her advice.

And she is constantly present in his life, quietly trying to take your place.

He falls under her influence and does not respond to your requests to end all relations with her.

Why can't you pretend that everything is normal? Because in 99% of cases a man will get himself new family, and you will remain suffering and complain about your unhappy personal life.

You need to take action quickly, if you find out that your family is under attack, you lose influence over your spouse. And he continues to assure you about his friendship with an employee who is pleasant in all respects, who, among other things, is also younger than you.

What to do and how events happen in similar situation, read the next article.

According to statistics, every 5 married couple sooner or later a divorce due to infidelity awaits. The appearance of a lover's mistress can be due to several reasons: the wife has lost her attractiveness, scandals have become more frequent at home, everyday life has become boring, there is no sex, etc. Men are content on the side with what they lack in their usual life. If the mistress is far superior to the legal companion or creates conditions that are difficult to refuse, there is a risk that the husband will leave the family.

My husband leaves for his mistress - what to do?

Every woman will inevitably feel that she has ceased to be loved and desired. The behavior of men is mostly the same:

• often stays late at work, leaves on weekends, citing changes in work schedule;
• behaves unnaturally aggressively, irritated, or, on the contrary, too caring, which indicates a feeling of guilt;
• closely monitors his appearance;
• spends more money, does not specify the scope of expenses;
• reacts excitedly to calls, messages, literally does not let go of the phone.

Any of these factors will make you doubt your fidelity, although it cannot be ruled out that problems at work, with health or with family can also provoke a change in mood and behavior in general. If doubts are confirmed by evidence, first of all you need to pull yourself together. Favorite is not yet ex-husband, did not marry his mistress, which means that all is not lost. It is unacceptable to cause a scandal, to sort things out in a raised voice, to threaten, to blackmail. Such actions make no sense and often end in failure. Your wife's hysteria is another reason to turn your back on her.

If a man hid his relationship for a long time new passion, probably his plans did not include leaving the family. It's another matter when short term the mistress lures him to her side, and the faithful is about to leave. What to do in this case? Nothing radical! Give yourself and him time to realize what is happening, to accept correct solution. It is best to leave home for a few days, which will also give you the opportunity to calm your raging emotions and put your thoughts in order. It is important to analyze the reasons for the upcoming or already occurred disaster, to understand whether only the husband is to blame, or is the problem lying in both?

Ways to return him to the family

So, my husband left for his mistress - what to do? This question is relevant only for those who really need it back. Not all women can forgive betrayal, but some, experiencing deep love and attachment are able to close their eyes and forget about what happened as an absurd mistake. In this case, psychologists advise not to despair, and, despite all the difficulties and obstacles, to confidently move towards your happiness. There are many effective ways return your other half:

1. Love yourself. Finally, join the gym, visit a cosmetologist, update your wardrobe. Perhaps a caring spouse’s priority is family concerns rather than own appearance and beauty. The husband's departure is a clear signal for decisive action.
2. Make repairs or at least rearrange the apartment. Let your home become a cozy nest where you want to return every day. Household chores will greatly distract you from troubles, and at the same time they will interest a man.
3. Get carried away by something that was previously unusual. New activities, new circle communication, a different atmosphere can make you look at life completely differently. At the same time, the husband will understand that he did not know his companion as well as he thought, and he will probably have an increased interest in her person.
4. Become friendly and cheerful. When your heart is broken and your soul is scratched by cats, achieving such “zen” is incredibly difficult, but the result is worth it. The news that a woman is enjoying life and not being heartbroken will definitely hurt the deceiver’s pride.
5. Improve your relationship with your mother-in-law. A mother always has a strong influence on her son. If she takes the side of the wife, and not the homewrecker, the unfaithful person will have to be pretty nervous.

At the right approach to the situation, 3 out of 4 cheaters return to the family. Gradually, the mistress ceases to amaze and give the pleasure that she did during the first meetings. Life with her also becomes familiar, ordinary. A man has a lot in common with his wife, especially if there are children. It is no wonder that after several months he sincerely realizes his mistake.

If the husband left for his mistress and then returned, wise woman will not reproach him at every opportunity. Different behavior is characteristic only of those who do not want to save their marriage. Take what happened as a serious obstacle that was overcome. You can’t get hung up on everyday life, work, children - everything needs to be given equal attention. The wife must do everything possible to convince her husband that he will not find anyone better than her.

My husband and I have been living together for 8 years. We have a son, 6 years old. And there is also a mother-in-law who cannot live without my husband. He spends almost all his time with her. At home, I have to hammer nails myself, repair something, and everything like that. I resisted the developing situation as best I could: I had peaceful conversations with my husband and mother-in-law, I had to swear and be cunning, it came to filing an application for divorce (in last moment something was stopping). But nothing changed. Worse yet: We can barely make ends meet, and my husband doesn’t want anything (or does his mom?). I myself found a job for him, his friends offered him a job, and the answer was the same: “I don’t like it there.” And in my mind: “I have a mother.” I, of course, respect his attitude towards his mother, but not enough to change his family for his mother. And she loves to manipulate, citing her health, to achieve her goals. I personally caught her doing this. This is my story in brief. I don’t know what to do. I don't know if I still love him. I am very afraid of change, because there is no “own corner” to just leave.

Amelia, Russia, 28 years old / 10.23.06

Our experts' opinions

• Alyona

  If you are very afraid of change, then you will have to come to terms with what you have now. And, in principle, then your letter is not even a question, but simply “complaining about life.” Any advice that a sane person can give you is to change your life, and not try to change your husband and his mother, because this is futile work. Namely, you don’t want to change your life. You are geographically dependent on your husband, because you live in his “corner”. He and his mother understand perfectly well that you can’t escape “from a submarine,” and therefore all your attempts to talk, both good and bad, end in nothing. At 28, it’s not too late to start all over again, believe me. Personally, just at the age of 28, I radically changed my life: place of residence, place of work, circle of friends. At first it was hard, I had to literally “make ends meet,” but the changes were worth going through. Now I have much more than then, and my life is much more interesting than it would have been if I had not risked changing something in it. You know, it often happens that a drastic change in life is first a step back, and only then a sharp qualitative leap forward. Many are afraid of this step and forget that it is necessary for everything to begin to change for the better. You have a choice. The only question is what is more important to you - the apartment, or your entire personal life.

• Sergey

  You know, I think you need to contact a good lawyer for civil cases. Explain to him the situation that you want to get a divorce, but you are afraid to be left without an angle and find out what can be done. I believe that if you carefully prepare for a divorce, then after it there will be somewhere to move. And the fact that this is inevitable - don’t go to grandma. The strange thing is that you endured this outrage for 8 years. Families and with better relationships They don’t always live to see this. In general, no matter how you look at it, you have only two options: either resign yourself and continue to live, gritting your teeth, or throw everything to hell and get a divorce. I am for the second option, but only, as I already wrote, carefully prepared. People like your husband are very difficult to change. It takes something out of the ordinary for a person to start looking at life with his own eyes. So, maybe your divorce will become such an event? Well, if not, then it doesn’t matter, it’s better to live alone than with someone you don’t love, don’t respect, don’t appreciate. Well then at least, I couldn't. So my advice to you: consult a lawyer, think it over carefully and apply for divorce. Believe me, it won't get any worse than it is now. This family won’t let you live normally anyway. And as your mother-in-law gets older, her “quirks” will begin, so it’s better to run now, while she’s young and active.

Hello!
I've given up and don't know what to do. I can no longer share my husband with his many friends, but he doesn’t want to leave.
In order, we have been together for 7 years, married for 4 years. My husband has a second marriage, from his first marriage he has an 11-year-old son, we also have a son, he is 3 years old.
She never received the long-awaited happiness from her marriage, although she always strived for it. The problem is that I have a persistent dislike for his friends (I don’t know why!!! maybe because I’m 30 and they’re already over 40-45?), and he doesn’t want to communicate with mine (he says he’s not interested ). Against this background, we always have problems. He often meets with his friends, often without warning or warning me at the last moment. Yes, our age difference is 10.5 years. In his company there is always alcohol, and a lot of alcohol, everyone drinks - they sit around the table and drink. I don’t meet with friends that often, and we have other interests - children, skiing, events - mostly without alcohol, and if there is, then in small quantities. When I ask him to warn me in advance about his plans, he always tells me that he does not intend to “ask for time off” to see his friends, he is an adult who does not need to be controlled, and I do not tell him that he will do whatever he wants. But in my opinion, everything in a family should be agreed upon and you need to negotiate, and not “ask for time off.” He can't hear me. In front of friends, he tries to “forget” about our plans. For example, if we agreed to go on vacation, then in front of his friends he forgets about it and agrees to spend time with his friends during this time. And he definitely won’t forget about this. Again, regarding help, he instantly rushes to help everyone around, whereas if I ask him, he instantly forgets about it.
Plus, he's lying. He has a rather authoritarian mother, whom he was afraid of since childhood, and I suspect that because of these fears (now transferring everything to our family) he lies, and I cannot trust him. I also cannot rely on him, because, as I already said, he conveniently forgets about general plans if there is an alternative.
Of course, I am inclined to blame myself for our scandals, because... I’m probably too critical of his friends, but I can’t help it - it’s like it’s bulging out from within. As a result, when he is around, the atmosphere is constantly tense. Now he works on shifts, when he is on shift, everything is calm in our family, no nerves, good mood. As soon as he arrives, I immediately tense up and feel uncomfortable.
I want support, I want people to be interested in me and my affairs, I want initiative to joint holding free time (we are together very rarely and it seems that this annoys him and he does it under pressure).
I want to actively relax, go somewhere, see new places, but he doesn’t need anything - if not friends, then at home on the couch in front of the TV.
Tell me, is there any point in continuing such a relationship, I’m in it constant stress, the child also grows nervous and gets sick, although we try not to swear in front of him? Or is this impossible given such a discrepancy between life priorities and interests? Still, I want to have a like-minded person nearby.
Thank you in advance!

Natalya, the main points that run through your letter are that he doesn’t hear you, doesn’t respect you, you don’t trust him. The husband's friends and the age difference in this situation are only a "symptom", a "disease" - a lack of mutual understanding.
You yourself point out that with his appearance in the house it becomes uncomfortable, and this is reflected in the child. Your husband either does not notice/understand what he is doing, or does it on purpose, trying to solve his internal problems/complexes at your expense. Maybe (this is just an assumption), the authoritarian mother left such an imprint that a man is doomed to try to assert himself at the expense of women all his life. If a person really does not understand the pain he is causing you, he needs to be told about it. Most likely (again, just an assumption), your husband may avoid the conversation by hanging up the phone and slamming doors, but it is still necessary to sit him down at the negotiating table. Moreover, you need to say everything honestly (as in this letter of yours), trying not to use accusatory phrases (“because you...”), talk about yourself, about your experiences. If awareness does not happen, then it probably makes sense for you to break up so that you understand whether you can be happy without this person.
What you definitely shouldn’t do is endure in silence. Family is, first of all, a place where you love and accept, where you can rest your soul, where you can be yourself. You are that same family for your husband, but unfortunately, he is not for you. It may happen that after a breakup, a person will experience the loss so acutely that he will begin to try for the sake of his family for you. But it is possible that a woman who is capable of showing character is not suitable for self-affirmation, and then there will be no attempts on his part to return to you.
So, in any case, you need to start with an honest conversation and remember that you have youth and determination.

Davedyuk Elena Pavlovna, psychologist in St. Petersburg

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Hello, Natalia!

Your husband goes not only to friends, but also to alcohol. And I see this as the main problem. When the opportunity arises to drink with friends, he forgets about all the plans with you and the promises he made to you. He has no other interests. You cannot rely on him, he is not responsible for his words. He is lying because he is probably used to behaving this way with his authoritarian mother. Do you realize that he has an alcohol addiction? You need to work with it, the rest is a consequence.

You expect healthy behavior from an addicted person, but he cannot now give you what you want. You won't force him to change until he wants it. You can only begin to change your behavior. As long as you put up with his drinking, irresponsibility and lies, then so it will be. Only when you come to an internal understanding that this cannot continue like this, that you are ready to leave the relationship if nothing changes (you reach the “bottom”), then you will have a chance that your husband will hear you and begin to change.

Without the help of a psychologist, it will be very difficult for you to cope with all this. If you need help, please contact us. You can work via Skype.

Stolyarova Marina Valentinovna, consulting psychologist, St. Petersburg

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