Psychology of male love: can a man love two women equally at the same time.

A woman's love for two men at the same time is one of the classic variants of a love triangle. As a rule, one of these men is the husband, and the second is the lover.

It should be noted that in such a situation all its participants suffer, but it is especially difficult for a woman who constantly feels shame and guilt for deceiving at least one of the men.

According to the observations of psychologists, love triangles involving one woman in love with two men are much less common and much less durable than when one man and two women find themselves in a similar situation.

The whole reason is that women, by nature, are monogamous and prone to monogamy, so relationships with two men at once cause most women severe mental discomfort and can even cause severe depression and a nervous breakdown.

Why can a woman fall in love with two men at the same time? As a rule, this happens when a woman lacks something in her relationship with her husband, and this missing facet of the relationship is compensated by her lover.

Advantages of a lover over a husband

A lover can have the following advantages over her husband:

To physically satisfy a woman Often there are problems in the sexual sphere of marital relations. A woman can sincerely love her husband, be attached to him, but constant physical dissatisfaction (if the woman is temperamental) can push a woman into a relationship with another man who turns out to be an ace in bed. At first it may just be a sexual relationship, but then, since sex and love are always nearby for women, a woman falls in love with her lover. Raising a woman's self-esteem Love for two men takes place if the husband almost never says pleasant words to the woman, does not make compliments, but the lover does not skimp on them. In such a situation, it is not surprising if a woman flares up tender feelings for her lover. Satisfy her need for communication Verbal communication with her man is very important for many women. A man with whom he turns out to be not only a good lover, but also an intelligent and interesting interlocutor, will have great advantages in the eyes of a woman over her husband, communication with whom is reduced to discussing everyday problems. Understand a woman, sympathize with her problems

If a husband is not at all interested in the inner world of a woman, does not take an emotional part in her problems, interests and hobbies, then is it possible to be surprised if she falls in love with another man capable of sympathy and empathy? Giving a woman sharpness of emotions and experiences A woman can be in love with two men when, after many years of joint married life, an even and calm relationship with her husband begins to seem boring and uninteresting to a woman, so she tries to find breathtaking thrills in the arms of her lover.

As you can see, there are plenty of reasons for the emergence of a love triangle. But usually a woman understands that such relationships cannot last forever, and painfully tries to find some way out of this difficult situation.

What should a woman who loves two men do?

Understand the reason for what is happening First of all, in order to make the right decision, a woman must understand what caused this situation and whose fault it is. If, for example, the whole point is the emotional coldness and indifference of the husband, then the woman should not blame herself for anything. But it makes sense to think about whether it is worth living with a cold and indifferent husband. If a woman understands that she is happy next to her husband, and her lover cannot give her anything other than sex, then the decision, of course, should be made in favor of her husband. Try to understand how both men treat her. It often happens that a woman leaves her loving husband to stay with her lover, and then it turns out that the lover did not even think about the possibility of a serious relationship with this woman. But it may also happen that a lover really loves a woman, while her husband has long been indifferent to her. It is clear that in the first case it is desirable for a woman not to leave her husband and part with her lover as soon as possible, and in the second - to prefer a lover. Think about the future of your family When a woman is in love with two men and cannot choose between them, then it is worth thinking about those who may suffer from a wrong decision. If a woman does not have children in common with her husband, this is one situation. But if children suffer from a divorce from a husband, and not only their own, but possibly the children of a lover, this is a completely different matter, and here you need to think not only about your own good, but also about the fate of the children. Especially if the relationship with her husband is quite good! Understanding your own feelings It also happens that after parting with her husband and staying with her lover, a woman bitterly realizes that she has always loved her husband, and experienced only momentary passion for her lover. Therefore, in order to avoid fatal mistakes, it is very important that a woman realizes what feelings she really has for both men and whether it makes any sense to continue a relationship with one of them. Or maybe it's better to part with both and start life from scratch?

Why is the book called "Love Polygon", specifically "polygon"? The fact is that a person, as a rule, loves a lot of things at the same time: a man and a woman, children, parents, work, car, money, dishes, music, beer, fishing, clothes, sleep, food, etc. Something stronger, and something weaker, but sometimes it is difficult to single out the main direction of your love.

The most talked about love triangle is just a special case of the love polygon.

But this "special case" occupies the main space in literature, cinema, gossip. Say the words "love triangle", and almost everyone has one association: a man between two women or a woman between two men. Few people think that such a "love triangle" is not the biggest problem in people's lives. Yes, there are many vivid feelings and emotions, complex collisions, but other “triangles” bring the greatest problems to a person.

For example, man-woman-work, man-woman-children, man-woman-parents, man-woman-God. These are the "triangles" that cause the greatest problems in life. It's them! In psychological practice, in my books, I began to explore these "triangles" and was surprised at their enormous influence on the fate of a person. Most do not even represent this influence.

There are also "triangles" that can also create problems: a man - a woman - a car, a man - a woman - fishing, a man - a woman - a cottage, a man - a woman - girlfriends and friends ... As you can see, this topic is quite voluminous and multifaceted. Some of the "triangles" are discussed in my books "Living Thoughts", "Family - the Beginning of Wisdom", "Egregors", "Origins", "Maternal Love".

The same book deals mainly with the "banal" love triangle between men and women. It turns out that in this "negative" case, you can get not a problem, but a gain!

Read this short book carefully, and maybe you will be able to turn the minuses into pluses, even if it was a long time ago and only scars remained on your heart ... And in this case, you can change the situation for the better. We are all wizards! All you need is knowledge and you will get it!

LOVE TRIANGLE

The title of the book is "Love Polygon" and this chapter is "Love Triangle" - and that's not a mistake. In fact, in a person’s life, most often, love is really “polygonal”: he loves his half, children, parents, work, car, etc. There can be countless such “angles”, and it’s good - the more facets of love revealed in a person, the better, the more harmonious the person. And optimally, when a person does not have angles, but the sphere of Love. But in this sphere of love, sharp corners sometimes appear, to which people are very painful. These are the so-called love triangles, "figures" created by the close relationship of a woman with two men or a man with two women. This particular case is considered here.

The love triangle has not always been a source of problems. Some sources say that once people lived according to other laws - there was no jealousy and all the bad things associated with it, and all relations between a man and a woman contributed to the development of man. There are also sources that say that the tripartite alliance is a higher stage in the development of relations, and that in the future we can come to this. Perhaps there is a grain of truth in this, because various forms of relationships do not arise from scratch. Perhaps these are echoes of the past or a memory of the future. But now our conversation is not about that.

We live in a world where the role and value of the couple is still quite high and other forms of relationships are not the main ones and are often not welcome.

Most often, the love triangle is a symbol of suffering and huge unsolvable problems. Psychological studies show that more than 60% of couples face the problem of a triangle and every third couple breaks up because of this. Therefore, the love triangle is often the basis of many literary works, and in life itself it is an active link that forms the relationship between a man and a woman.

In the 20th century, sexual revolutions took place, various feminist movements developed, technological progress was going on at a fast pace, which facilitated hard physical labor. All this weakened the patriarchal idea of ​​the role of women in modern life and removed the man from the pedestal of indisputable authority. This left its mark on the relationship between men and women. In addition, it is obvious that there are more women than men in the world's population, which puts them in unequal conditions. There is another, not so visible, but extremely important reason for the current situation - the growing masculinity of women and the femininity of men. And you can often hear from women: “Where are the real men?” In some countries, up to a third of the adult population has homosexual relationships. These and many other reasons have sharply weakened family ties and made the love triangle the norm of life and even a legal form of the relationship between a man and a woman.

Recently, in Russia, all this has also manifested itself clearly. Many deterrents have been removed. For the last 80 years, the family has not been truly valued, it was the "cell" of society, and the double morality of society has permeated the family as well. And now we have studies confirming not only the possibility, but also the necessity of the existence of a love triangle. Many experts say that the family is leaving the main position in society. Today, psychologists have counted 14 forms of marriage! Young people do not want to register relationships. The value of the couple's relationship drops. Against this background, there are various forms of relations that are far from traditional.

Let's analyze an interesting example that shows the versatility of a "simple" situation with a love triangle. S.N. Lazarev in his well-known book “Diagnostics of Karma” writes: “You have a jealous wife. The more stable family relationships, the stronger she clings to them, the higher her aggression towards you. Since you are a harmonious person, all this flies back, and she can die. In your case, fidelity to your wife would be a sin.” This is not the only example in his books that proves the need to use this method to save a loved one. What is behind this recommendation? Why would a "harmonious" person enter into a complex triangle relationship?

Indeed, many create "multifaceted" relationships without even understanding why they do it.

And it happens quite often that they save the family with such a step, at the very least they reach the end of their lives. A wife can guess, and sometimes knows about her husband's other life, but endures for the sake of the children, in order not to be left alone. Agree that in such a family it is very difficult to reveal true love, create happiness and it is impossible to create a true couple. Then the children follow the same path, but in a worse version, spinning the downward spiral of problems.

Why is there a love triangle? Why does a third appear in a relationship? It's time to be literate in these important issues for a happy life.

There is nothing random! And in this situation too. We will proceed from the fact that there is a grain of truth in everything, and in the words of Lazarev too. But where is the grain? Indeed, just a stable relationship will not get rid of jealousy. With the slightest suspicion, jealousy will manifest itself very strongly. It is necessary and possible to solve this issue not by creating a triangle, but in a different way - by love and ever greater freedom - one's own and the other. To be freer yourself and give more freedom to others, but not through indifference, but through the growth of love!

The main reason for the appearance of a third in the space of a couple lies in the non-disclosure of male and female qualities.

How do love triangles form?

Morality is a system of certain principles that a person must adhere to in order to avoid, as far as possible, conflicts in the society to which he currently belongs. But this, as a rule, is never fully achieved. And not only because a person does not want to follow the requirements of morality. In this case, we are not talking about predatory natures that cannot be tolerated anywhere, and not about mentally handicapped people. The point is that we all often find ourselves in situations where we experience an irresistible craving to do something in our own way, regardless of any circumstances. Perhaps one of the reasons lies in the fact that nature created man, having previously invested in him a mechanism for the emergence of desires and ways to fulfill them.

And at certain moments, when circumstances or habitual traditions force him to act differently, his inner essence suddenly starts to rebel for himself, forcing him to become exactly the way he was created, or to sabotage the execution of his own plans.

In some cases, during magical analysis, you begin to notice that people are, as it were, connected into groups by some invisible threads. At the same time, the actions of one member of the group often determine the actions of another, even if the other does not know anything about them or is at a great distance. This happens, for example, when a love relationship arises.

There are exceptions to the rule when men make such a choice among themselves, making a decision for a woman - sometimes by rather harsh means, although, in the end, she makes the choice herself. In some

This happens, for example, when a love relationship arises.

We are used to thinking that love relationships arise between couples. However, it is not uncommon that already at the beginning of their occurrence, not two, but three are involved in the process. This is not easy to explain, but on a mental level in such groups, someone outsider is always felt. Therefore, almost any relationship could be called a love triangle. The theme of the love triangle is very well represented in Japanese manga comics.

Love triangle of two men and one woman

Sometimes love triangles arise from two men and one woman. Such formations usually do not last long and disintegrate. According to the rules, a woman usually chooses one of the two, after which she is obliged to part with the second. And only after that can establish relations with the first.

There are exceptions to the rule when men make such a choice among themselves, making a decision for a woman - sometimes by rather harsh means, although, in the end, she makes the choice herself. In some cases, a woman does not immediately let go of the rejected, hoping with the help of his presence to spur the activity of the one she has chosen, which, in fact, leads men to tough ways to solve the problem. But in the end, only one remains. Otherwise, her partners may begin to have a love interest in each other. Unfortunately it is so. Sharing a woman is dangerous, our inner nature may not understand this. In such situations, a man sometimes begins to think and feel somewhat feminine, and then his other needs change. This can also happen if men are unaware of each other's existence; it's just that their needs are guided by those around them. Sometimes people who find themselves in such a situation try to suppress this tendency, not releasing it to a level where it begins to be perceived by consciousness. And then they have an increased craving for alcohol as compensation.

Of course, this is just one of the reasons for the formation of deviations in people, but still it is very significant. And many of those who today are called "members of sexual minorities", as well as alcoholics, got their inclinations under the influence of such a factor. In fact, male jealousy and sometimes the aggression associated with it is, to some extent, self-defense, a protest against the fact that he was framed under the influence of destructive principles.

Love triangle of two women and one man

However, triangles of a different type are much more common, consisting of two women and one man. The process usually begins with the fact that a woman notices a man she likes, finds a reason to make an acquaintance. Sometimes an acquaintance does not begin on her initiative, but she most often finds the reason for the first rapprochement. The first accumulates feelings in herself, she is all tense, and then the moment comes when this concentrated ball of sensations leaves her body and enters the man, continuing to develop in him. And at this moment, the woman, as it were, cools slightly, and the man, in return, receives everything that was previously in her inside himself. Maybe sometimes this is done with the help of magic, but most likely it is a spontaneous natural process. It seems most likely that falling in love generates in the woman herself magical powers that give her hidden but powerful power for a certain time, and this continues until the system of relationships is finally determined.

Then the opposite process begins - the woman runs away, and the man strives for her. And this pursuit is serious; at this moment she is really afraid of him. It is difficult to say what caused this escape - perhaps the fear of violence, or perhaps the desire to captivate. However, the woman herself, who kindled this fire, is not able to explain the real reason. Ultimately, it is not even a man who causes horror, but the very energy of love that has entered him. The process continues until the victim's feelings begin to cool.

“The less we love a woman, the more she likes us,” wrote A.S. Pushkin. And his observation very accurately characterizes precisely this initial moment of the origin of the connection. The energy of love (long arrow) at this moment moves freely, arbitrarily moving between a man and a woman. Part of it goes to the second, which is in the distance, carefully watching what is happening, but not yet participating in it and sympathizing with the third. This power is already seething in her, forcing her to participate in events internally. But at this stage, intervention rarely occurs.

Soon there comes a moment when a man is exhausted enough by his experiences and does not know how to solve a love triangle. The whole story begins to bother him, and then, waving his hand, he leaves this system. At this time, the most important thing for the first is to have time to catch him, otherwise the feeling will develop into disgust and the third will be out of her reach. The energy of love turns inside her and torments her for years. Only then does she begin to truly feel what this loss meant to her. Trying to compensate for what was lost, he is looking for more and more new partners, not finding satisfaction in them, but the one who left never returns. Sometimes this continues into old age.

However, suppose that the connection finally took place. We will not specify whether it will flow into marriage - in this case it does not matter. If the connection that has arisen has reached this level, then it usually becomes long-term and does not break immediately. For a while, the couple is quite satisfied; but this is where the second one begins to intervene. Perhaps she feels disappointed that the man did not go to her. She was constantly near her friend, sympathized with his experiences and sometimes reproached her for her cruel attitude, expressed in such a firm inaccessibility. At the first moment, when the couple's relationship improved, she herself is satisfied, but soon begins to feel longing and loneliness. There are a lot of men around, but they are somehow uninteresting and do not attract attention - but it is this particular person, already associated with her friend, that warms her. She humbly stands aside, yearning and maintaining her loneliness; but this usually continues until the couple's first spat. And here she begins to show her initiative.

Men tend to take feelings quite seriously. But almost everyone often looks like children, and when the opportunity arises, they easily lose self-control and fall into temptation. Later, of course, he sincerely repents, reproaches himself, rejoicing that no one noticed anything, and tries to forget this unfortunate incident. For a while everything gets better, but then again an opportunity to sin is given, and everything repeats.

Of course, this is not always the case. There are different nuances and different people, each of which behaves differently. But the general pattern is the same: the second inevitably feels a strong attraction to someone who is already busy. This is due to the fact that the source of her feelings is the power emanating from the first. Over time, the former usually learns of the existence of the latter, and war inevitably breaks out. At this moment, women begin to hate each other fiercely - in their own way, in a feminine way. Often this struggle drags on, reaching damage, curses and all those considerable means that magic has in its collection. But the worst thing is different - women in love in an angry state often awaken the power of a magician in themselves for a while, sometimes without realizing it themselves and not realizing that the curses they utter are working. Then, to the call of revenge from the abyss, demons specially intended for this rise. These are ordinary clots of darkness, and sometimes whole black clouds that absorb light in the surrounding space. They “eat up” the immunity of the person exposed to them and, in addition, create darkness of awareness. In this case, the object of their influence loses the ability to navigate in the simplest life situations and all the time gets into trouble, incurring losses. But the impact is not limited to this - magic tricks are quite cruel.

Ultimately, it is the power that comes from the first that governs. The impression is made: the second is necessary for her. It is difficult to say why, but often it is not so easy for a woman to communicate with a man. The difference of interests is such that a man sometimes simply does not notice the events that cause a burning interest in a woman, and vice versa. Ultimately, she remains almost completely isolated with her loved one. But this is only one side of the issue. We will touch on the main reason for calling the second one later.

War between women

The war between women flares up. What should a man do in this case? Usually he breaks up with the second and continues to contact only with the first, as a result of which the increased flow of negativity from the second now begins to fall on the heads of both. At the same time, the second necessarily begins to suffer - to such an extent that in some cases it ends very badly. But even her death in this case will not solve the problem, since a new woman will soon appear next to the couple, performing the same functions.

The second solution to the problem is to leave the first one and go to the second one. In this case, the energy of love will close in the first one, and she will have a real explosion of negative emotions, which in turn will make her take revenge. It is difficult to refrain from this, since revenge in the conditions of such a strong emotional outburst is formed by the will and depends little on consciousness. Hindus in such cases generally do not consider this influence to be a human force, defining it as the intervention of Kali. One of the differences between a man and a woman is that the former rarely take revenge for being rejected, and the latter almost always.

The third option: the man will try to run away from both, and this, of course, will lead to the fact that the girlfriends, once again united, will take him together.

So, the problem, apparently, here should be solved by women. There is no end in sight to their struggle, it absorbs a lot of forces and does not give any results, except for negative ones. Maybe, really, they should share this man? Perhaps, although in real life such phenomena almost never happen.

Why in this case women can not come to an agreement? Because of high morality? Often they solve such problems very quickly with unfamiliar men, provided that outsiders do not find out about it. But these are precisely those men whose very presence does not matter to women, and tomorrow they will already forget about their existence and about the sudden connection. And again, a paradoxical moment: the one who falls into the zone of love receives a lot of trouble as a reward, and the one who does not love and is not loved - more often than not only pleasure.

This means that several other reasons play a role here - not so much the man himself, but the fear of the feeling experienced. And fear for the reputation of their friends. That is, the question itself is not fundamental - here again fear plays a role. It also awakens the animus to life - the masculine principle that lives in every woman, giving rise to unprecedented perseverance in controversial situations and conflicts. The animus dominates it, and is itself fed to some extent from the energy lost in the conflict. And with it grows the confidence that the resolution of the dispute is unthinkable. This idea is also spurred by such a habitual fear of public opinion.

Actually, the presence of two women nearby does not bother a man at all, provided that they somehow solved their problem. Which evil is considered lesser: their agreement or the results of many years of struggle and mutual hatred?

But still, the situation is almost always solved by confrontation. The influence of the animus is largely triggered by the woman's thoughts that she should not overestimate herself. This is very reasonable, but this, in fact, is a purely harem setting, not characteristic of the “only one”. It is embedded in the very feminine essence. You can see that for the most part, women almost always try to stay in pairs, and in this situation they feel more confident. Except perhaps the described situation, when their friendship turns into enmity. But what if you still try to find a solution? In fact, their position will not change - the first can always remain only the first, and the second - the second. This is their destiny; but in a love triangle for two, peace will arise.

Surprisingly, in this case, the destructive force turns into a protective one. Two women side by side form a kind of circle that protects both the man and themselves. Apparently, the motives that serve as a pretext for spoilage basically disappear. Moreover, the family, as it were, is closed from the interests of outsiders.

The experience of healing and the many problems that love triangles give rise to lead to the thought: maybe in love affairs, an uncompromising struggle for the object of one's desires is not always the best solution. For a woman, sometimes mutual agreement is the best way.

Based on the materials of the articles “Love Triangle. The emergence of a love triangle.

The triangle is considered one of the most stable figures. And not only in geometry. The love triangle, according to experts, is a solid thing, and it is extremely difficult to destroy it.
Why do these love triangles occur? How is life in it for all its participants? And is there a way out of it?
We are talking about this with a Moscow psychologist, scientific director of the 5 YES! Marina Morozova.

AUTUMN MARATHON

- Marina how do these ill-fated triangles arise?

As we have said more than once, cheating is always a signal of trouble in a relationship. It seems to us that the cause of bad relationships is betrayal, but in fact, it is already a consequence of disharmony in relationships - both sexual and emotional. Perhaps a person in the family lacks recognition, gratitude, the feeling that he is valued as a husband or wife, there is not enough joy, energy, lightness. And the person begins to realize this need on the side.
Of course, it would be better to discuss everything frankly with a partner. But many of us (especially men) do not know how to speak frankly about their feelings and needs, and, unfortunately, many do not know how to listen.

But after all, not every betrayal grows into a long-term stable relationship. In what case does it lead to the creation of a love triangle?

When there is already a serious dissatisfaction with family life. And relationships on the side fill those needs that are not realized in the family. The mistress, as it were, complements the wife. Therefore, he does not leave either one or the other.
And it is no coincidence that some men sincerely believe that they love both - their wife and mistress.
At the same time, the unfaithful husband or wife gradually gets used to the energy exchange with two partners. And they are very comfortable in this situation. And even if these triangular relationships are somehow destroyed - for example, a man leaves his wife for his mistress, after a while he will still have someone on the side. He will again strive for a love triangle. Because he is used to living on the energy of two women who are fighting for him, which means they invest enormous amounts of energy in relationships, and thus asserts himself and raises his self-esteem.
And then it's always nice when there is an alternate airfield. You don’t need to strain to build relationships, because they are built with you, you are indulged in everything, dust particles are blown away. Indeed, in a couple, relationships must be built, efforts must be made, adjusted, negotiated, and yielded in some way. And here it turns out - I didn’t like something, I went to another one, she didn’t please, I’ll return to my wife again, etc.
Therefore, the triangle is very difficult to break - all sides in it have their own benefits.

Well, everything is clear with the benefit of the traitor himself. But what benefit can there be, for example, for a mistress, to whom they will not leave in any way, or for a wife who is being deceived?

These benefits are, of course, not realized. If a person were aware of all this, then he would not be in this situation.
For two women (and two men) in a love triangle, most often the psychological benefit lies in rivalry. Often a mistress seeks to take a man away from the family just to prove that she is cooler, stronger than her wife. Very often the man himself does not play a role in this struggle. He's just a tool for competition.
If a man or woman decides to meet with a married person, then they most likely have a fear of intimacy. That is, a person is not ready to build relationships in a pair, and he finds a person already employed. It turns out that there seems to be a relationship, but no one claims your freedom and space, you don’t have to take responsibility, obligations.
Often this is not recognized. A woman can demand that a man leave his wife for her, but in fact she is not ready to change her lifestyle, take responsibility for us, build and deepen relationships, adapt, listen to complaints, resolve conflicts, and take care of everyday life. She wants an easy, calm, romantic relationship. And such people are also very beneficial triangle.
In addition, all participants in the triangle usually revel in the role of the victim. The wife feels like a martyr, suffering betrayal, the husband believes that he sacrifices his happiness for the sake of children, because of whom he does not leave the family, the lover also believes that she sacrifices herself, her time for the sake of love. And this intoxication with one's suffering allows one to feel one's significance and generosity, and sometimes holiness.
It often happens that a wife benefits from her husband's infidelity because, for example, she is unable or unwilling to satisfy his sexual or emotional needs. After all, a cheating husband can allow a woman to feel free to cheat herself.
Who definitely does not need treason - these are children. In such a situation, they really suffer deeply, even if they are not aware of it on a conscious level. Their sensitive, subtle souls know everything. And children in such an environment have problems with health, learning, behavior.

I'M NOT GUILTY

Clients often come to me who rush between two men. Here one came for the first time seven years ago, asked for help to choose between her husband and lover, then disappeared. A couple of years later, it reappeared. The husband was the same, but the lover is already new, and again the agony of choice. And so the situation repeats itself for the third time in seven years.
There are not so many reasons why women cheat. They cheat because there is not enough sex, or the husband is not satisfied sexually, and also out of a sense of revenge. If a woman finds out that her husband has cheated, she can start a long-term relationship, and there will not necessarily be love. But most often a woman starts an affair on the side, when she is not understood or heard at all - her husband is a workaholic, alcoholic, cold, does not give her any attention, warmth or care.
And, of course, women cheat when the relationship is not at all satisfying, and she wants to find another life partner.
Although there are polygamous women, more often of the masculine type, who always have lovers, but this is rare.

- How to break out of this love triangle?

Well, if we talk about lovers or mistresses, then they should know that if within a year, well, a maximum of two, the object of their passion does not get divorced, then most likely he will not do it anymore. At least for the sake of this mistress or lover. Therefore, if nothing has changed in the relationship during this time, it is better to tune in to find another life partner.
A wife or husband who is being cheated on should try to find out what is missing in the family for their soulmate, and try to give it. When a person understands that in the family he gets everything the same as on the side, he will no longer need to go to the side.
It is important to analyze yourself, your relationship, to understand what was good in them, and why it left. And if you want to save the family, then try to restore those good relations.
Of course, we do not take into account womanizers who are used to living off the energies of two women or even several women. As a rule, such people do not have deep feelings for any of the women. Such men will change in any case, even if the wife satisfies all his needs.

This advice is more appropriate for women. A man who finds out that his wife is cheating on him is unlikely to want to look for the reason and save the relationship....

Of course, the more male energy in a man, the more masculine he is, the less inclined he is to put up with betrayal. Such men usually leave. But if a man has more female energy, he is sincere, soft, homely, family, then he can try to correct the situation.

UNDERSTAND YOURSELF

- And the founders of the love triangle themselves can somehow be urged to make a choice, or is it still a hopeless case?

Of course, they are the most difficult to get out of, because they have the most benefits, and therefore the least motivation to change the situation. And no one else will make the choice for them.
As a rule, in triangles, on the one hand, a person experiences love (maybe love has already begun to leave), and on the other, love addiction. Where a person suffers more, experiences more torment and discomfort, even if emotions overflow, love addiction takes place. These relationships are futile, you can’t build a happy relationship on addiction. And love addiction needs to be treated. Love is a harmonious feeling that does not bring torment. In this case, of course, it is better to choose love.
It happens that both those and those relationships are dependent: on the one hand, he depends (and suffers himself), on the other, they depend on him (they suffer from him). And here there is not much to choose from, and a person simply needs psychological help.
But it happens that love has already passed in the family, people are connected only by children, common property, force of habit, etc. And then on the side, really, a real strong feeling can flare up. Real love. In this case, again, it is better to make a choice in favor of love and give your spouse a chance to build a new relationship. But it's your choice and yours alone.

But in general, in order to avoid such problems, it is best not to start your relationship from the very beginning, try to keep your finger on their pulse and nourish your life partner with the energy he needs, that is, LOVE.
And if misunderstandings, claims, dissatisfaction arise, they sit down at the negotiating table and start an open, honest dialogue with each other.
Another thing is that we often begin to consider “why should I, and why should I?”. We ourselves are not ready to invest in relationships, and then we wonder why they don’t work out for us.

Nella PRIBUTKOVSKAYA

History knows many examples of polygamy, and in many countries of the world this tradition continues, which speaks in favor of the fact that a man can like several women at the same time.

Yes, and any young man knows the feeling when, being in the company of pretty girls, you literally don’t know who to look at, everyone is so good.

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One day at a seminar on family psychology, one of the speakers turned to those present with a request: “I ask you to be extremely frank. Please raise your hands if you, being married, fell in love with another person at the same time.

In the hall, where men and women with solid family experience were sitting, a whole forest of hands went up. “And now, the speaker continued, I ask those who left the family because of this love to raise their hands.”

This time not a single hand was raised, and the speaker said: "I will be happy to speak in front of such a truly adult audience." If "truly grown-up" people are so unanimous about falling in love, where does the question arise - two women at the same time? Psychology has its own opinion on this matter.

Being at the same time not indifferent to several women at once is quite natural for a young free man. Although psychology refers to such "lovingness" only as a way to find a single companion for life.

Can a man be indifferent at the same time and can a man love two women equally - these are completely different issues in male psychology. Despite sympathy for several girlfriends, a man must decide which of them he feels more comfortable with - a self-confident, caring man or a devoted dog, depending on the mood of the hostess.

Can a man love two women at the same time? Many men are often in a hurry and mistake love for love, or even just sexual attraction. Even the ancient Greeks understood psychology and knew that, despite the similarity of sensations, these feelings cannot be called in one word:

1. Falling in love, no matter how strong it may seem, is short-lived, and very soon.
2. Love, as psychology characterizes, craves emotional pleasures for itself, draws in the imagination passionate scenes of intimacy (“weaving hands, weaving legs”), makes us “lose consciousness” from the voice of our beloved, overshadows the mind and takes away the ability to control oneself, that is, it borders on obsession .
3. Love longs for happiness not only for itself, it shows care and interest in the object of sympathy as a person, looks ahead, not looking for benefits even emotionally, but assuming a long coexistence in any circumstances.
4. He truly falls asleep and wakes up with thoughts of his beloved, his heart and every cell are filled with dreams and plans, where only she is present. In such a heart there is no room for any other woman, and the question whether a man can love two women at the same time does not arise.
5. If a man is tormented by doubts and he is trying to find out whether a man can love two women at the same time, psychology sees the explanation in the fact that a person has not known true love and is simply looking for an excuse for his failure.

When a man is guided not only by the psychology of sensual egoism, but at the same time by prudence, a stronger feeling necessarily comes to him than falling in love.

What does psychology say about those who can love one and live with another?

still remains a mystery behind seven seals for researchers of this extraordinary feeling.

Psychology cannot explain why many "fatal" women for famous men did not differ in either special beauty or mild disposition. Like, for example, the fatal muse of V. Mayakovsky, Lilia Brik.

And what makes hundreds and thousands of men sigh for some women and at the same time live with others? And can a man love one and live with another? Psychology does not consider such a situation phenomenal. There are several reasons for this state of affairs, depending on the male psychotype.

"As everybody"

A man receives a decisive rejection of the object of love, but the psychology of the proud man does not allow him. In order not to vegetate alone, he gets himself a wife or cohabitant and drags out his existence "like everyone else" - with a lifelong internal conflict, secret love and at the same time - resentment towards women.

“Because you can’t ... be beautiful like that”

Almost the same. The man does not even try to tell his beloved about his feelings, because he considers her ... too beautiful and inaccessible. Realizing that female beauty requires sacrifice, the man decides not to tempt fate and be content with a less exotic gift - not the most beautiful and not too beloved woman.

"Foolishly drunk"

Intoxicated with youthful passion, young people often bind themselves with the bonds of Hymen. Such daredevils are often provoked by the fact that the beauty turned out to be “too tough” for everyone else, but “showed mercy” to him. Another option is that the girl got into an “interesting position”, and a sense of duty obliged ...

Passionate love, like “love” out of a sense of duty, passes through time, the young man meets true love, but does not dare to destroy the family, so he lives with one, and at the same time loves the other.

The life circumstances that force men to live with the wrong women they are in love with are incomparably more than the article can fit. But in each case, psychology draws attention to the main thing - the psychological immaturity of such men.

Why does it happen that they love some and marry others?

There are many situations in which a man is unable to marry for love. The options described above are also relevant. But they can be supplemented.

"Not yet evening"

A variation of the already considered version of events can be called the psychology of a man who put off his declaration of love for a long time, and when he finally decided, his passion turned out to be occupied by another.

In revenge, he “also” marries another, and all his life, like a vile reptile that has bitten his victim, watches from afar the life of his beloved, hoping that her marriage will successfully break up, or her husband will go to the forefathers, or, finally, she herself will “come to her senses.” and crawl to him on his knees.

Psychology is silent about how, in this case, they are going to deal with their real wife.

"Not comme il faut?"

The “fear” of men is opposed by another phenomenon known in psychology. A man falls in love with a woman who is… shy. Whether she is not as presentable as the lady from his circle of friends, or not as educated, or much lower than him in social status - it does not matter.

He knows that marriage to this woman will not win the approval of his relatives, friends, or work colleagues. The psychology of "what they say" makes a man marry a lady from his circle, at the same time destroying not only his own, but also her life.

"Yazhemat"

An extremely rare option in our time, but familiar to psychology, is when a mother chooses a wife for her son. Mom is not interested in the psychology of her "child", and the girls he likes are perceived as impudent contenders for the mother's place in his heart.

Such situations are typical for families where the boy grew up in a totalitarian female environment. He can love a woman. But he is obliged to marry the one who, in the opinion of his mother, is worthy of him. That is why men love some and marry others, and psychology knows many other circumstances.

One woman for life: does it happen?

There are so many myths and curiosity around male monogamists that it is impossible to ignore the question, can a man love one woman all his life?

For some reason, it seems to many that such men must necessarily be inferior in some way - they are credited with either physical ugliness, or failure in career growth, or sexual disability, or religious obscurantism.

In general, there are not enough positive reviews about deep feelings for the only woman among the people.

But let everyone look back at the past of their own family - is it bad to dream that parents live their whole lives in perfect harmony? If so, how can such a life be called defective in some way?

The psychology of men who deny monogamous love is quite understandable:

• They live with a woman who serves them, supports them and loves them in her own way. They, while formally “loving” one, at the same time have feelings for another woman, perhaps also not free. No one dares to cut this Gordian knot, and this suits the man quite well. Moreover, he is sure that a man can love two women at the same time.
• another type is unthinkable without romantic adventures and holiday romances. In such families, it is customary to "rest from each other", going on vacation one by one. These are also sure that a man can love two women at the same time.
• There is also a type of men who consider the institution of the family an endangered type of relationship.

But let's try to look into ourselves and ask - wouldn't we like to meet true love? And is it possible to question the value of the family? What is called the cell of society, what is the basis of the human population and at the same time keeps the human race from extinction?

Psychology does not call for a man's love for one woman to make him a slave and "inadequate" in relation to other ladies. But the beauty of love lies in the ability to survive any trials (even a sudden surge of love) and remain faithful to one beloved to the end.

Useful video

The situation becomes incredibly complex and confusing when the question arises in the girl's mind: can a man love two? What psychologists think about this can be seen in the video below:

Conclusion

1. Psychology does not give a positive answer to the question of whether a man can love two women at the same time.
2. Psychology recommends distinguishing between such concepts as love and falling in love and does not consider them synonymous.
3. Men who justify their promiscuity by the ability to love two women at the same time, psychology calls socially and psychologically immature people.