Leaving, leaving: is it necessary to remove exes from friends on social networks? Why should you unfriend your exes on social networks? The guy doesn't delete me.
“We’ve been dating for a couple of months, but recently I saw his profile on the site where we found each other. It’s clear that he still goes there,” I heard these words from women many times. This is due to the fact that the parties assess the status in the relationship differently, says coach Chris Armstrong. - She sees a couple, he hasn’t decided that for himself yet. The possibilities of the Internet, which provides a huge selection of contacts, increase the gap of misunderstanding in the first stages of dating.”
“One of the pitfalls of online dating is that, no matter how great the meetings go, dozens of letters from other candidates await you,” says psychologist Olga Chaikina. - Some people are tempted to continue communication at least at the level of correspondence. There are those who are still captivated by the painful experience of breakups. Such people subconsciously hope that if your relationship does not work out, they will be able to switch their attention to another person. You are not immune from those who play with you and are not in the mood for a serious connection.”
What to do? First of all, talk openly. Your friend must understand: you are committed to a close and trusting relationship.
"Tell him you deleted your profile because you only want to date him, and gauge his reaction," suggests Chris Armstrong. - If he finds reasons to leave his profile or, having left, reappears on another site, is this connection worth your mental strength? Try not to make the question about his continued presence on the site sound like an ultimatum. Why would you continue a relationship with someone who agrees to your terms under pressure, only to later appear on another resource? The desire to be together must be sincere and voluntary. And this must be confirmed not only by words, but also by real actions.”
“Do not jump over steps, but live through every stage of the relationship”
Marina Myaus, cognitive therapist
The worst thing to do is pretend you're not disappointed and avoid the conversation. Perhaps you are not asking him to delete his profile, avoiding conflict and fearing losing the relationship. Psychoprotections are activated, protecting against uncomfortable emotions and convincing: the partner does not know what he is doing. He keeps us in suspense because he doesn’t want to lose us, he forgot about the existence of the profile.
It’s more convenient to think that he has lost both his mind and his memory than to admit that they are sending us a frank signal: “I don’t consider us a couple yet.” All attempts to first justify him, and then through manipulation to force him to leave the site, are the road to dependent relationships. We hope to lead our partner, although in fact from the very beginning we are subject to his decisions, which do not suit us.
If a man doesn't delete his profile, it doesn't necessarily mean he's indifferent or trying to manipulate your trust. If you haven't been dating for long, he may like you, but he hasn't made his final choice. Then the choice is yours: you can continue to build relationships, realizing that this is just the beginning. And, despite your flaring feelings, the other side does not yet believe that you are together. You also have the right to terminate this connection. Whatever decision you make, you need to be aware of what phase of the relationship you are in. Do not jump over steps, but live through each stage, giving your partner the right to move at a comfortable pace.
Even if you have a good relationship with your ex, you still don't need her. And what does “good relationship” mean? A good relationship can only survive if the two of you have no mutual reproaches at all, which is extremely rare. Otherwise, someone wants to return someone, and if they don’t want to, they simply pursue them, because there’s no point in being happy when you’re suffering. If your relationship ended relatively recently, in most cases you will be interested in her life, if only to find out whether she is suffering or not. It's very rare that you don't care about your ex because she's in the past. Most often, this attitude comes with experience or with the time that has passed since the end of the relationship, when you stop even remembering why you broke up.
You look at your ex's page. Maybe more, maybe less. Are you still friends? Seriously? Remove it! Why?
1. Stalking a person is creepy
Just imagine that you visit her page regularly. Every day, or every other day, or several times a week. Don't you think it's creepy? Imagine for a moment that you are being stalked by some dude who looks at your page, looks at your photos and comments on them.
Not long ago, when I had a VKontakte account, I noticed that my ex was coming to my page suspiciously often, commenting on my statuses and liking every picture I published on my page. It's a little scary. And then I discovered that my current girlfriend's ex was doing the same thing. Why is this? This is even more creepy! Although if I found out that he moved closer to me, goes to the same store with me and looks at me through binoculars in the house opposite, I would feel much worse.
Just imagine this state and finish as soon as possible! This is some kind of perversion, man!
2. It only makes you angry and ruins your mood.
You might see a few messages like, “I still love him,” but that's unlikely. No one wants to show that he is dependent on a previous relationship, that he wants to return to “that bastard.” Therefore, with an 80 percent probability, you will see the typical statuses of a girl who has gotten rid of a relationship: “Have we broken up? So what! I'll go eat something". Even if she really feels bad without you, her pride will not let her show it. Otherwise, she would probably write to you with an offer to return. Girls experience relationships much easier and faster than we do. This is the sad truth of life. You'll see photos of her with friends, and perhaps with her new muchachos. And was it worth ruining your day?
3. You might “accidentally” like something on her page.
With this you seem to be telling her: “I’m taking care of myself!”, “I’m still here and suffering,” “You’re a heartless bitch, don’t you dare post pictures of cats and yourself with a happy face!” Shame on you! Mutual friends probably see these attempts to “stay friends like civilized people,” and they feel the same unpleasant sensation, man, because they have no doubts about your behavior.
4. You can act like a complete psycho
See where she went in the tagged photos. Look for photos from these events from mutual friends. Look for photos of these events from strangers, where you would look for her, what she is doing, and most importantly, who she is with. I see you have too much free time! Buy yourself a bike, go to the gym, get busy. A dude who is busy forgetting his ex three times faster. Checked personally.
5. You can't get someone back or get back at them by looking at their photos on social media.
The best way to understand whether a situation is shit or not is to remember the old lady logic. Why are you looking at her photos? “Simple” is not the answer. “Simply” is a common excuse to disguise the need to sincerely take responsibility for your words. Well, why are you doing this? “You want to follow her life” is one of the logical answers to the question, but, as we wrote above, it’s creepy, you just have to try this story on yourself! “You want her to feel the same as you after the breakup,” and how will this affect? How will your terrible revenge work? Will you send her brain impulses full of seething hatred and malice? It is obvious that you urgently need to forget about the situation.
In all of the above cases, we exhibit a disgusting trait of human nature - possessiveness. If we did not consider a person as a thing that once belonged to us, and then left, like Kolobok from his grandmother, it is obvious that everything is not okay with us. You cannot consider a person your property, if only for the reason that slavery was officially abolished a long time ago. But the main reason is that you become dependent on another person, and this is insanely, terribly harmful for the subtle mental organization of any person.
If you parted with a person on friendly terms, it is better to leave.
If the breakup brought nothing but pain and sadness, delete it and try to forget.
In general, everything that concerns the past (friends, girlfriends, etc.) has no place in the future, leave your time and devote yourself to those people who are with you now and here, in the present, with whom you see the future.
Burn it to disk and delete it from your computer :))
And in your old age you will tell your grandchildren stories :)))
ahem...pi...ahem.sufferer. Why did she break the boy’s heart?
Your demand is absurd. This is his photo, and I’ll see you there on the side. Status is another matter. But you can’t do anything here either, apparently you are the guy’s only achievement. Have pity on him. Promise to pay with the same coin when this laser is in your hands to meet another girl.
No. In fact, there are a lot of them; over the 5 years of our marriage, so many of them have accumulated, considering that we have a good camera. I have a whole hard drive with photos...
And somehow it’s disrespectful... I don’t regret what happened... I only regret what didn’t happen... Although I’m glad that everything is exactly like that.
And he has a bunch of photos of me that even I don’t have, maybe in six months I’ll take them...
Now I don’t want to disturb the person, otherwise there will be such a moral withdrawal after each meeting.
Nope. what happened is gone... there were pleasant moments :) if it’s difficult or disgusting to look at, it means you haven’t completely let the person go.. :) even in my work corner, where the desk is... everything is covered with all sorts of photographs from my life .. and you can even find some exes there :) I just watch with a smile :)
If you parted on a good note, then leave it as a memory) If on a bad note, delete it)
Be sure to save it. This is quite a lot of time in your life, and when the emotions associated with parting pass, it will be nice to sometimes remember this period.
Men don't tell women a lot. Read about the main signs that your beloved has not yet forgotten his former passion.
There are several good reasons to think that your boyfriend has not cooled off towards his ex-girlfriend.
They call each other
Let's start with the fact that if they actually call each other, this should alert you. The ex is the ex so that the relationship with her is over at all levels. What does it say about when such conversations on the phone begin to gain momentum. This is a sure sign that for some of them the past relationship is still not over.
Well, this is already an out of the ordinary case. It’s fine if she remains his friend, but reading her, looking at her photos and liking the ones you like is akin to moral treason. Have a serious conversation with the guy, talk frankly and ask him not to do this again. And if he doesn’t stop, then the point is clear - he still likes his ex.
He puts your relationship on display
Such actions can often be interpreted as a guy’s desire to take revenge on his ex and show how good his life is now. Think about this and ask your spouse clarifying questions.
You know everything about his ex and even more
When a guy doesn’t miss a single opportunity to mention anything about his ex in a conversation, it’s a big deal. This means that at a minimum he thinks about her, and at a maximum, he wants her back.
He secretly keeps her gifts
If you don’t know where a guy got this or that souvenir, ask him to tell you why it’s important to him. If he begins to hesitate or talk outright nonsense, then there is a high chance that this gift is from her. And here you should have a reasonable question - why does he still keep it?
Dealing with feelings for your ex is not easy, everyone knows that. But life goes on, and eventually the guys find their new love. What should you do if your new boyfriend can't stop bringing up his ex? This is so painful and unpleasant...
Here are 10 signs that indicate that a guy still loves the other one.
And you will have to make decisions yourself.
1. He talks about her constantly and compares her to you.
There is an unspoken rule that concerns relationships with exes: do not talk about them in front of your new partner. If a guy doesn't follow this rule, he compares previous relationships with the current one. What girl would like this? Yes, none! “But Masha had breasts of the third size”, “But Katya went to the rocking chair and was getting ready to perform in a bikini”... And you think: “And I am a garden plum, ripe, lilac.”
2. He never mentioned her at all.
This is a wake-up call. If telling a new girl about your ex is taboo for a guy, it means he still has feelings for her. It’s best if he tells you that he had a girlfriend and that they broke up - then a building block of trust will be laid in your relationship. After all, you will still find out about his ex - everything secret becomes clear.
3. He gets emotional when talking about his ex.
It's hard to burn all your bridges without showing any emotion when you talk about a person with whom you have a lot in common. However, if a guy acts pretty cool when his ex calls him or runs into you at a party, then everything is fine. And if he looks like he really regrets their breakup, it sounds like you need to have a serious conversation.
4. He's friends with his ex.
And again the eternal question: is there friendship between a man and a woman, especially if they have already had an intimate relationship? If you are jealous, you will not envy: your imagination pictures scenes of “friendly sex” between your boyfriend and his ex, and you also create a scandal when he goes shopping with her (what if they are choosing underwear there?) or goes to her to fix the faucet in the bathroom.
5. There’s no way he’ll take any of his things from her.
My husband's ex took her things from his apartment for several months. For some reason she stubbornly did not want to take everything at once: either the car broke down or there was no time. And she stopped by either for autumn boots, or for a swimsuit, or for something else. If he and I lived together then, I would have lowered her down the stairs, throwing all her things after her. Guys also leave clothes, records, books with their ex-girlfriends, and this is a bad sign: somewhere deep inside they still associate themselves with them.
6. He follows her life on social media.
This is sad, but easy to spot. If you broke up and did not become friends, it is better to cut off all contacts, including on social networks. But what's the point if he unfriends her? He finds her profile again and again and looks to see if she has found a boyfriend, if she has changed her hairstyle, where she hangs out with her friends... And he also thinks: “How damn happy she is here!” In that case, Watson, we have a problem. We need to have a heart-to-heart talk and set priorities immediately, otherwise, goodbye.
7. He offers her his services
No, we are not talking about sex services. But it just infuriates you when, out of the goodness of his heart (oh?) he volunteers to walk her dog or take her to the airport, because there’s no one else, he’s uncomfortable in front of her, she, poor thing, needs help... What bad people these people are exes, huh?
8. He pushes things too hard in your relationship.
If he just broke up with his girlfriend, but he no longer sticks to you, dragging you to all the bars (where she also happens) and never getting tired of taking happy selfies of your newly-made couple, something is wrong here. And I even know where the dog is buried. For him, you may be nothing more than a way to annoy his ex, who may soon change her status and become his official girlfriend again.
9. He hides you from his surroundings
But the situation is the other way around: the guy doesn’t take a selfie with you, doesn’t post anything on social networks that would indicate a new passion in his life, and doesn’t appear with you in public. But you can't sit in your apartment forever, staring at the TV. Something is wrong here: apparently, he is uncomfortable with you, and perhaps his ex, whom he cannot forget, has something to do with this.
