If the child does not want to go to kindergarten. SOS! The child does not want to go to kindergarten! The child does not want to go to kindergarten

And now the moment has come when diapers, constant monitoring of the baby at home and on playgrounds, endless “handling” are a thing of the past - the child already knows a lot on his own, clearly explains what he wants, and in general it’s time for the mother to go to work, and the baby should go to kindergarten. In theory, this course of events usually does not raise any particular objections among children, although there are children who initially categorically disagree with attending kindergarten. In practice, everything is much more complicated, and there are many options for developing the situation.

At the initial stage, many children refuse to go to kindergarten due to a sudden change in the situation. Usually, after a period of adaptation, this reluctance and the accompanying bad mood and tears disappear, and the baby goes to kindergarten, if not with pleasure, then at least without any incidents. And suddenly one day the child declares in one form or another that he will no longer go to kindergarten. A child's unexpected refusal to go to kindergarten often confuses parents. To understand how parents should act correctly in this situation, it is important to find out the cause of the “rebellion” and solve the problem yourself or with the help of a psychologist.

Possible reasons for reluctance to attend kindergarten

1. Psychological unpreparedness of the baby. All parents, to the best of their ability, try to prepare their child for the coming changes, but mothers and fathers should remember that psychologically the child is ready to attend kindergarten at the age of 3 years. Even at 2 years old, a baby can do many things on his own (has the necessary skills), but he is not psychologically ready to separate from his mother until he is 3 years old. An expressed desire to play with other children appears after 2.5 - 3 years, but even with the baby’s need for group games, separation from the mother should occur gradually, so it takes a fairly long period of time. Until the age of 3, a child needs close, emotionally rich communication with his mother, and a sudden disruption of this connection leads to psychological trauma for the little person. Children of this age do not yet have friendship in the understanding of adults; children’s relationships are situational; in most cases they play side by side, not together, and easily change play partners. The main communication for a baby occurs within the family circle, and at this stage of development the baby only occasionally needs to communicate with other people. Even if, for objective reasons, the mother is forced to send the baby to kindergarten before the age of 3, it is important to take into account that this is contrary to the will and needs of the child, so adaptation to kindergarten will take a long time, be problematic and not always successful. The baby may well lose the skills of independent behavior that he had before kindergarten and begin to constantly cling to his mother with a “death grip”. At the same time, it is important to remember that parents should focus not on age indicators, but on a specific person with his or her characteristics - if a child under 3 years of age had “enough” mother, and the child has no fear of suddenly losing her, by the end of the second year of life the child will gradually begin to separate psychologically from the mother and can be sent to kindergarten. However, all children develop differently, and for some this period begins earlier, and for others later.
2. Constantly present stress. A child torn out of his usual circle is immersed for the whole day in a noisy group with its own rules and requirements, which often contradict the child’s habits. A new environment, strange adults who demand obedience (unlike the mother, who do not adapt to the mood and desire), noise and inability to privacy, constant contact with other children (yes, nature did not provide for the baby’s constant interaction with children who are not members of the family) - all these factors can cause stress in the baby and reluctance to go to kindergarten.
3. Changing your daily routine, eating and sleeping during the day. Lack of sleep is a fairly common reason for reluctance to go to kindergarten. Morning dissatisfaction, hysteria and rebellion are not associated with the kindergarten as such, but with the reluctance to wake up, leave a warm bed and make an often tedious journey (not everyone is lucky enough to have a kindergarten near their home). In this case, the child who is scandalous and protesting in the morning will be quite happy with life by the time you return from work - you can find him playing with the children and not at all eager to go home. The protest may also be related to the food that the child is forced to eat in kindergarten. Children in preschool age are often very conservative when it comes to food - everyone has their favorite and least favorite dishes, but kids also prefer their mother’s cuisine, and if the cutlet is “not like mom’s,” they don’t want to eat it. But teachers usually don’t allow you to sort it out, and the child is forced to choke on his unloved semolina porridge. The protest may also be caused by the need to sleep during the day - after three years, many children no longer need daytime sleep, and at home they are no longer sent to bed. The kindergarten does not leave freedom of choice in this regard, and lying quietly for a long time and doing nothing is boring.
4. Lack of necessary self-care skills. A child who does not know how to dress himself or eat carefully often causes discontent from teachers and ridicule from more independent children. In addition, a child who is not sufficiently prepared for kindergarten often communicates his needs through whims, which also hinders the establishment of relationships with the team.
5. Problems with teachers. Although if a toddler does not want to go to kindergarten, parents often suspect the teacher of having a negative and biased attitude towards the child, teachers can be quite restrained and friendly. The situation may be related to boredom - since there are usually many children in a group, teachers do not have the opportunity to work with children individually, and the activities carried out do not interest the child. This problem occurs in children who experience cognitive (cognitive) hunger and require constant activity. Sometimes in kindergartens, classes with children are monotonous and are carried out “for show,” turning into monotonous and uninteresting work for a child who wants to explore the world. There are also educators who are biased towards some children - the “disgraced” child is rarely praised, but they do not forget to scold for the slightest deviation from the rules and requirements, and the child himself is not always to blame for the current situation (the attitude towards the child may depend on the attitude towards you) .
6. Conflicts with children in the group. The initial cause of the conflict may be toys that are not shared or quarrels that arise during play - children at the age of three are not yet able to express their emotions and thoughts, so they try to solve the problem from a position of strength (take it away, break it) or by screaming and crying. Older children are already trying to find a common language with their peers and can express their thoughts clearly, but before the age of 6, a child is not able to fully comprehend even his own emotions, and as a result, he is dismissive of the emotions and desires of others. If educators and parents pay attention to correcting children’s behavior patterns, these conflicts quickly fade away and relationships between children normalize. In such cases, your heir’s refusal to go to kindergarten is a temporary phenomenon. However, there are situations when a child is teased systematically - the child may have some features of appearance or behavior, because of which almost the entire group can tease him. In such cases, the refusal to attend kindergarten is categorical, and protest manifests itself regularly.
7. Change of teacher or kindergarten itself. Since caregivers spend a significant part of the child’s life, the child may become attached to the “kind” teacher and protest against her leaving. Changing preschool institutions also has a negative impact on the child (if it is not caused by conflicts in the old kindergarten) - the child misses his usual surroundings and surroundings, and he still has to establish relationships in the new group.
8. In the kindergarten you have chosen, the teachers are not prepared for the peculiarities of the baby. There are hyperactive and hypersensitive children, slow kids and children with other characteristics. When such children are in the same group, educators are forced to constantly organize the process of games, sleep and activities, taking into account the different needs of team members. This makes the teacher’s work much more difficult and affects the attitude towards the child, whose behavior deviates from the behavior of the majority.

In addition to these fairly common reasons for refusing to attend kindergarten, there are more rare reasons related to the characteristics of the child himself or the situation in the family. The reason may be related to specific events that are or will be held in the kindergarten. A child may refuse to go to kindergarten on the day of the rehearsal for the upcoming matinee because he was not given the role he wanted, or he is embarrassed to perform. The reason may be completely unexpected - I didn’t manage to fasten my beautiful shoes before a dance class, I didn’t manage to make an appliqué, or it didn’t turn out as beautiful as Masha’s - I won’t go to the dance or certain classes on the day.

Problems in the family can also affect the child’s desire to attend kindergarten - morning protests in the form of tears and screams can serve as a cover for the child’s deeper experiences arising from quarrels between parents, family loss, etc.

It is also important to take into account that the child’s reluctance to go to kindergarten may depend on the internal mood of the parents - before the first visit to the kindergarten, parents quite often discussed their concerns about the kindergarten and its impact on the child, or the parents themselves had negative memories of going to kindergarten. Parents subconsciously seem to tell the child: “kindergarten is a terrible place, but you need to go there.”

Naturally, the child does not want to go to a “terrible place” and resists in every possible way. The same unconscious reaction of protest arises if parents try to quickly send their child to kindergarten, because he is “already big and should”, “everyone went, they took me, you shouldn’t be capricious,” etc. Parental pressure disrupts the child’s emotional state, he experiences anxiety and the need to “hide” in a safe place - at home.

How can protest manifest itself?

At first glance, it seems that parents always immediately notice when a child does not want to go to kindergarten, but in practice the situation may look different. Problems are immediately noticeable only when the baby protests openly.

This protest can look different:

• A child may communicate his reluctance to go to kindergarten in the morning in a calm manner, returning home from kindergarten with you or going to bed. This form of protest usually occurs if a conflict situation has arisen in the group, but it is not systematic. In this case, the problems that have arisen for the baby are worth discussing, but you should not focus too much on the situation - after a while the baby will not remember this trouble and his mood will change.
• The child reports an unwillingness to go to kindergarten every day; the process of getting ready for kindergarten is accompanied by violent emotions (screaming, sobbing), and even hysterics are possible. In this case, the mother must react instantly - forcing the baby in such a situation is pointless, since the next day you will have to observe the same picture. If everything was fine before and the child calmly got ready in the morning, then there is some reason for this change in behavior, and if the reaction is too violent, the problems will not resolve on their own.

An open form of protest exhausts parents - mom or dad are sometimes late for work and often feel sadistic (often mom remembers how her beloved baby shed burning tears when parting, and dad also feels remorse because of the spanking that he had to give to the screaming and stubborn heir). But much worse are those cases when a child expresses protest in a hidden form. In such cases, parents are forced to guess about the baby’s reluctance to go to kindergarten, and before they understand this, some time will pass. Accordingly, helping a child solve his problems is much more difficult.

Hidden protest can be expressed:

• In daily silent sabotage. The baby does not scream or cry in the morning, but constantly stalls for time using all available methods, and as a result, everyone everywhere is late or rushes headlong to kindergarten and work. The mother angrily tells the child that he is a “hobby”, but he gets ready for a walk or other places interesting to the child much faster.
• Inventing excuses to skip kindergarten. Parents receive an offer to “leave him with grandma”, they hear about bad weather and that “you can’t go anywhere on such a day”, a mother may suddenly find out that she has a day off or that the baby has pain “arm-leg-stomach-head”.
• In a bad mood in the morning. The child looks offended or depressed, and on the way to kindergarten he can barely crawl, but when his mother comes to pick him up, he is cheerful and skips home.
• In bad “reviews” about the kindergarten. If a child draws a kindergarten, his drawing is painted mainly in dark shades (a lot of black), and role-playing games on the theme of the kindergarten are accompanied by an image of some kind of conflict.
• Lack of appetite and sleep disturbances (some children may develop enuresis).

To solve the problem of visiting kindergarten in any form of protest, the reason that caused the child’s reaction must be established.

What parents should not do if their child does not want to go to kindergarten

All parents were children once, and many of them were taken to kindergarten. It is no secret that in our family life we, in one form or another, reproduce the model of behavior that we saw in childhood. This is why many parents make certain mistakes that do not solve the problem, but aggravate it (of course, these mistakes are made unconsciously, but problems can only be truly solved by eliminating their causes).

To help a child in a difficult situation, parents need:

• Do not show your anxiety about the baby’s reluctance to go to kindergarten.
• Never scare your child with kindergarten (“if you don’t obey, you’ll go to kindergarten”).
• Never deceive him. If you promised to pick up your baby at a certain time, you need to make sure to keep your promise.
• Do not give in to persuasion and various manipulations (if a child persuades you not to leave him alone in a group, feigns illness, etc., and you follow his lead, various manipulations in order to get what he wants will be the norm for him).
• Do not criticize teachers, nannies and the kindergarten itself in front of the child.
• Do not take radical actions (do not immediately quarrel with teachers, do not punish the child and do not immediately refuse kindergarten).

How to find out the reason for a child’s reluctance to go to kindergarten

Even in a conversation with an adult, finding out the true reason for his behavior is not always easy, and in a situation with a small child it is even more difficult. Even if the baby protests violently, the reason for the protest remains unknown, and it is often difficult for a little person to answer a direct question.

In such a situation, parents should:

• Ask your child how his day went and, if necessary, ask leading questions. It is important to clarify whether there were any quarrels with other children, whether teachers scolded him, etc. If the conflict occurred long before your arrival (and time passes much more slowly for children), the child does not always say something like “Misha offended me” when meeting you, but during the conversation this information will come up.
• Ask the teacher about your baby and his behavior in kindergarten. Even if it seems to you that the reason is the teacher’s incorrect behavior, there is no need to immediately make complaints against him. In the process of calm and polite communication, it will be easier for you to understand the big picture and, with adequate communication, suggest how best to deal with your child in certain situations.
• Discuss with other parents how their children behave in the morning. If in the group your child is not the only one going to kindergarten in tears, you need to find out the reasons for children’s protests together with teachers at a parent-teacher meeting.
• Invite the child to draw a kindergarten (the child can be helped, but he must choose the colors for the drawing himself). If the drawing is in joyful, bright colors, the cause of morning scandals should be sought at home, with your family, or by adjusting your sleep and rest patterns. In the case when the drawing looks gloomy, offer the baby a role-playing game “in kindergarten” - during the game the baby will reproduce the situations that he observes in reality. Important: make sure that during the drawing process the baby has paints or pencils of all shades (children often paint monochromatic “canvases” of dark brown shades because the paints are dirty, they have run out of yellow or green, etc.).
• Pay close attention to the results of the classes conducted in the kindergarten. If your little one can’t cope with tasks and feels inferior because of this, work with him additionally at home.

What to do

The actions of parents depend on the specific situation and on the reason why the child does not want to go to kindergarten.

1. If reluctance to go to kindergarten arose during the first visits, the child needs to be helped to adapt. Of course, there are children who themselves want to go to kindergarten and adapt perfectly there - even on the first day of visiting kindergarten, the mother leaves without any tears and takes an absolutely satisfied child from kindergarten. But in most cases, everything looks different - the child, completely satisfied with new impressions, is absolutely not ready for a long separation from his mother, and already on the second day of kindergarten the tears begin. In order for the child to more easily adapt to new conditions, it is recommended to bring the daily routine closer to the daily routine in kindergarten, encourage games with other kids during walks, and, if possible, arrange an excursion to your future kindergarten. On the first day, leave your child for only an hour or two, and gradually increase the time he spends in kindergarten. It is better to pick up the baby at the initial stage when he himself wants it.
2. In the case where the reason for refusing to go to kindergarten is food that is unusual for the child or the need to sleep during the day, you need to talk to the teacher. Not every mother at home forces her toddler to finish everything, and we can talk for a long time about the quality of food in the kindergarten (semolina porridge with lumps or too thick, the child is not used to gravy, he does not like casserole at all, etc.). But teachers don’t like it when children sit over their plate for hours or refuse to eat at all, and the poor child is forced to choke on an unloved dish or stay at the table until he finishes. Ask the teacher if it is possible not to pour the gravy for your child (replace the jelly with tea, etc.), whether it is possible to give him a sandwich instead of a casserole, and explain that there is nothing wrong with your child not finishing the soup, no. You are firmly convinced that the baby will not die of hunger and will eat as much as he wants, you just don’t need to force him if he refuses. With daytime sleep, the situation looks a little more complicated - in our kindergartens there are many children and few nannies and teachers, so teachers are not ready to separately deal with your awake child. If you can’t pick up your baby before bedtime, ask the teacher to allow your baby to draw quietly or look at books while lying down. At the same time, do not forget to explain to the baby that during the daytime sleep you need to be quiet, since other children are sleeping. As a last resort, simply ask not to demand that you close your eyes and sleep - this is also a compromise solution between the requirements of the teacher and the desires of the child.
3. If your child requires constant care, gradually develop self-care skills in a playful way. Of course, it is necessary to teach a child to be independent even before kindergarten, but not all children have equally well-developed fine motor skills. If the baby copes with a spoon and clasps, but he does this for a long time, work with him at home to develop fine motor skills (finger games, modeling, fiddling with small objects, etc. contribute to this). If self-care skills are insufficient, try to simplify your child’s life - choose practical and comfortable clothes without a bunch of fasteners and ties. It is better to choose models with buttons located on the front - they are easier for a child to handle than buttons. It is advisable to choose skirts and pants with elastic, and it is better to choose shoes with Velcro fasteners.
4. If a child refuses to go to kindergarten because of a specific teacher, the current situation needs to be clarified as much as possible. A teacher may treat children well and have a conflict with your child for some specific reason. In this case, it is important to establish a constructive dialogue with the teacher and try to solve the problem together (your aggressive or ingratiating behavior will only aggravate the conflict, so a polite exchange of opinions is important). In the case when the teacher is aggressive towards children, to solve the problem you should team up with other parents - a collective statement always has more weight than an individual one. Parents with a complaint should contact the kindergarten administration. If other parents have no complaints against the teacher, the teacher does not make contact with you, and you are sure that he really does not behave well towards your child, you will have to change the group or kindergarten.
5. Conflicts with peers are an inevitable “growing pain,” and the desire to protect the baby from insults and disappointments is a natural desire of a mother who forgets that her baby may also not be a victim, but an initiator of conflict. In children of the second or third year of life, both friendship and conflicts are situational in nature, and it is not worth directly intervening in a quarrel between children that happened without you. Instead, tell your child how to behave correctly in a variety of situations. Teach your child to exchange toys with other children during play, tell him what to do if another child behaves aggressively, etc. Older children can tease and call each other names for reasons (carelessness, unusual appearance, etc.) or for no reason (getting off on the wrong foot), and the teasers “stick” to children who react painfully to such behavior. The advice “don’t be offended” is not effective; in this case, rhyming “excuses”, known to us from childhood, will be more effective (“whoever calls you names is called that himself,” “call yourself names, call them names, swell up like a frog,” etc.). At the same time, it is important to help the child feel successful - demonstrating some of the child’s abilities or achievements to peers often radically changes their attitude (here you will need the help of a teacher). If there are speech defects, take your child to a speech therapist. Don't forget to also pay attention to your child's self-care skills and appearance, thus eliminating the possibility of ridicule.

If your child doesn’t want to go to kindergarten because of a specific event, help your child prepare for it and feel confident.

If you don't get enough sleep, adjust your daily routine.

When should a child be left at home?

If a child has been going to kindergarten for a sufficient period of time, but he has not been able to adapt to it, visiting the kindergarten will have to be postponed for a while. Yes, the baby can be very independent and have all the necessary skills, but psychologically he is not ready for kindergarten (or rather, for parting with his mother for the whole day).

In addition, very sensitive and emotional children feel uncomfortable in a noisy group of children. Such kids need a friendly atmosphere and a calm environment. A sensitive child must be gradually accustomed to children's groups by attending various developmental classes, clubs and playgrounds.

Children with developmental pathologies (special children) may be bullied in a regular kindergarten, and since not all violations can be eliminated, it is better to choose a specialized kindergarten.

If the child is hysterical, it is necessary to show him to a psychologist or psychotherapist and temporarily leave him at home (you can return to kindergarten after solving the problem).

Sometimes, if possible, you can leave a child at home who is simply tired of going to kindergarten, but you should not do this regularly if you are still determined to attend kindergarten.

In any case, it is important to remember that the child is not just capricious, but is trying to adapt to a specific situation, and you can solve the problem only by carefully analyzing all the existing circumstances.

- This is one of the most discussed issues on the Internet and on playgrounds between adults. Parents actively share their experience of introducing their child to kindergarten. After all, the mental health of not only the child who does not want to go to kindergarten, but also the entire family, depends on the solution to this issue.

Children are like candy with different fillings

Child psychologists rightly say that if a child does not want to go to kindergarten, then there are reasons for this. Listing possible reasons, they recommend that parents be sure to understand them. But how can this be done if the child is very small, speaks poorly or does not yet know how to formulate a thought correctly?

System-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan helps you understand your small child, his actions and their reasons. According to it, each child is born with his own set of vectors responsible for his innate properties, desires and abilities to realize them. It is the differences in the set of vectors of each baby that are responsible for how quickly the child adapts to kindergarten.

It is not possible to exchange the vectors inherent in nature for others, and you won’t be able to get over them like chickenpox. This is something a person will have to live with all his life. All that can be done with the set of psychological properties of each child is to create conditions for their proper development.

Having taken a closer look at your child, you can already understand by some of his characteristic actions, behavior, and temperament whether he will run to kindergarten ahead of you or will not want to go there.

The child does not want to go to kindergarten - he is afraid of new things

A child sits on the potty for a long time - be prepared for the fact that he does not want to go to kindergarten. The explanation for this statement is quite simple. Some kids are very domestic. They are usually leisurely, assiduous, and obedient. They can do something for a long time without bothering their parents every minute. They are like trampling bears - a little clumsy.

Having barely learned to walk, these born tidy people are already putting things in order, putting their favorite books and toys in their places.
Such kids do not want to go to kindergarten simply because the morning begins with hasty preparations. Rushing is stressful for them. It is also painful for them to be separated from their beloved mother. They have a hard time accepting everything new and unfamiliar, so falling out of their usual home environment is also stressful for them. Even unusual food in kindergarten is a big challenge.

There may be a problem with the toilet - these children are shy, they prefer only their own toilet and will endure until the last minute, if possible. And sometimes it doesn’t work out very well, and wet pants become a personal shame for them, and another reason why the child does not want to go to kindergarten.

We take the “stomper” to kindergarten

How to make it easier for a child to adapt to kindergarten? The first thing that Yuri Burlan’s system-vector psychology warns about is that one should not push, push, shame, or even call a naturally slow child names. It is not in his nature to be different. Therefore, start early and gradually accustom your baby to kindergarten.

Remember that he needs more time than other children to get used to new people and new surroundings. Once you start leaving your child in kindergarten for the whole day, learn to get up early so that you don’t rush your child to get ready in the morning. Be sure to warn the teacher that the child is slow.

Discuss with the teacher how to gently involve your child in the life of the team. For example, you can instruct him to help clean up the play area. With his innate desire for order, he will do this diligently and with pleasure. Ask the teacher, and don’t forget yourself, to praise the child for the work done.

Be patient and you won’t hear the stubborn “I don’t want to go to kindergarten!”

Does a possible genius need a kindergarten test?

There are children who like to spend time in silence, flinch from sharp sounds, and cry if adults suddenly talk in a raised voice. The child speaks in a quiet voice. At the same time, sometimes he does not hear when they shout to him.

People make mistakes when they blame hearing problems. It’s just that the child is so immersed in himself and his thoughts that he falls out of the surrounding reality. Having barely learned to speak, he does not give adults time to rest from their endless “why”, “why”, “where”.
This baby avoids other children and likes to play alone. It seems that the child was born with a computer mouse in his hands. Such a child probably does not want to go to kindergarten.

A huge disadvantage of visiting a kindergarten for such children is the inability to be in silence and relax alone, which is vital for them. The noise of the kindergarten is excruciating for these children with their absolute hearing. But the advantages of a regular or private preschool educational institution in terms of accustoming to the sounds of the outside world and communicating with peers outweigh any disadvantages.

If this is not done in a kindergarten, later, when growing from a preschooler to a schoolchild, the child will most likely receive psychological trauma.

Adaptation of the Little Thinker

It is forbidden to insult a child, shout at him, or sort things out in front of him. This cannot be done with any child, but for this child, as Yuri Burlan’s system-vector psychology proves, it is a complete destruction of the personality. It is necessary to create a favorable psychological atmosphere in the family, when everyone talks calmly, quietly, almost in a whisper.

Listen to quiet classical music with your child. Send him to a music school as early as possible. Prepare your child for kindergarten in advance by taking him to playgrounds, visiting other children, holidays and various events without excessive noise.

Be sure to explain to the teacher that the child does not like loud sounds and is often immersed in his own world. Ask to give your child the opportunity to sit alone in a quiet corner from time to time. Tell us about your baby's favorite activities.

All these measures will help soften and shorten the child’s adaptation period in kindergarten.

Why do children need kindergarten?

Do I need to take my child to kindergarten if he doesn’t want to go there? Yes, definitely! The rationale for this is given by the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

From birth until about three years of age, the only important people for a child are the parents. First of all, the mother. By the age of three, the child begins to realize that outside his own family there is some kind of unfamiliar, incomprehensible and sometimes disturbing world, full of other children and adults. The kid, subconsciously trying to understand the structure of this world, is looking for his place in it.

Only in kindergarten does a child begin to act independently, learn to solve emerging problems without the help of his mother (sometimes through a fight - no big deal), defend his interests or recognize other people’s desires. The opportunity to be ranked among peers is a vital advantage of kindergarten over home education.

Tatyana Tolkacheva.

Tatyana wrote a very interesting article especially for the “” website. The article is devoted to the most important topic and will help us figure out what to do if a child does not want to go to kindergarten. I think a lot of parents have already encountered this.

So, over to Tatyana)

Good afternoon everyone!

Initially, I planned a post on a different topic, but a call from a friend first distracted me from the thought, and then prompted me to write this article.

Lena (that’s my friend’s name) was absolutely upset that her daughter didn’t want to go to kindergarten lately. She told for a long time, with all the picturesque details, what every morning now turns into for them. Children's tantrums at the beginning of the working day do not add a charge of vivacity and optimism, and they do not have the best effect on the child's psyche. “It’s a pity, of course, to quit my job, but apparently there is no other choice,” Lena sadly summed up her story. “Or maybe you can recommend something?”

Of course, it is difficult to give advice without knowing all the details of such a situation, but the main reasons why a child most often flatly refuses to go to kindergarten can be identified.

The first reason is lack of sleep.

Trite? Meanwhile, this is perhaps the most common cause of morning hysteria. The sleep-deprived baby himself does not understand the reason for his bad mood, but he clearly understands one thing - he doesn’t want to go to the garden right now. If when you come to pick up your baby, you see him happy, playing and in no hurry to go home, try adjusting his daily routine.

Don’t give in when your child asks for “one more cartoon” in the evening - put him to bed, turn off the lights and don’t give in to provocations like drinking 5 times and going to the toilet 10 times. If the baby is not at all happy with the new routine, you can sit quietly next to him, sing a lullaby or tell a short story. But be careful: the fairy tale should be short, and only you should tell it - no discussions with the baby, otherwise the conversation risks dragging on.

Resist the temptation to turn on a cartoon - in just a week the child will get used to falling asleep earlier, and in the morning, by the time he wakes up, he will be quite happy with life.

The second reason is problems in the garden.

Here, of course, it will be more difficult, but first you need to find out what exactly is bothering the baby. Unexpected reasons may arise here that an adult would not even think of as a problem, but for a child they become a tragedy.

Some kids do not like to obey the general routine in the kindergarten, others categorically do not like kindergarten food, and still others have a conflict with the teacher. Moreover, in the latter case, it could even be just a remark made by the teacher, to which the child overreacted.

Direct questions, like: “What did Marya Ivanovna tell you today?” most likely will not give results - most likely, the baby will either not remember or will make up his imagination. But taking your favorite dolls, bears or soldiers and playing with them in kindergarten will be much more effective. Invite your child to play the role of a teacher and watch how he will conduct classes, a walk, lunch, and sleep with his “group.” If a child speaks to his pupils in a raised tone, then, most likely, this is exactly the kind of address he hears in kindergarten.

Stay in the game as a child and be naughty during lunch, when it’s time to go to bed, get ready for a walk - did the “teacher” threaten you with something? Draw a conclusion!

If a reason is discovered, try to gently eliminate it - a constructive conversation with a teacher in 95 out of 100 cases helps solve the problem. If a child has problems communicating with peers, an experienced teacher will make sure that he does not get bored alone, constantly involving him in common games.

Doesn't your little one like the way they cook in the garden? Ask not to be forced to finish eating - no child has died of hunger near a plate of food. Doesn't sleep during the day? Agree not to focus attention on this and not force you to lie with your eyes closed.

Reason three - not ready.

Yes, you might be surprised, but this reason is quite common. Your such an independent child may in fact be completely unprepared to part with his mother for the whole day. In this case, it is best to stop visiting the kindergarten for a while and wait until the moment when the baby can tolerate separation without hysterics.

Some children flatly refuse to attend kindergarten until school. If the mother has the opportunity to leave the baby at home, this solves the problem. But we should not forget about the other side of the coin - social adaptation and diversified development. If you leave these moments to chance, the child will be completely unprepared for school, and, unlike kindergarten, he will have to graduate in any case.

If you decide not to send your child to kindergarten, be sure to visit playgrounds, clubs and “developmental” groups - the child needs to learn to find a common language with peers. In addition, conduct daily classes at home - in a playful way you can easily teach your baby the basics of writing, reading, mathematics, a foreign language and various types of creativity. These skills will help him in the future, when the time comes to go to first grade, to keep up with those children who learned all this in kindergarten.

As you can see, the reasons why a child refuses to attend kindergarten can be very different and sometimes unexpected. The main thing at such moments is not to get annoyed, but to try to identify the problem as quickly as possible and find ways to solve it. I hope that such difficulties will not affect you, and your child will enjoy attending kindergarten!

P.S. As for my friend, she did not have to quit her job - the cause of the morning hysterics was found out and was eliminated. It turned out that when choosing comfortable jeans and T-shirts for her daughter for kindergarten, Lena did not take into account the opinion of the three-year-old princess, who wanted to wear dresses exclusively. The girl, not wanting to wear “boy’s” trousers, protested as best she could. As soon as mom bought a pair of elegant sundresses, the concerts stopped, and the little fashionista gets ready in the morning without any special whims.

A child’s reluctance to go to kindergarten is a common problem, and it concerns both parents who have recently sent their children to a preschool institution and children who have been attending kindergarten for a long time. Protests manifest themselves in screams, in some cases chronic diseases worsen, new ones appear, expressed in increased temperature, abdominal pain. Often mothers do not pay attention to complaints, considering them just another idea to stay at home. And completely in vain. The mental state of young children is directly related to their physical well-being.

Content:

At what age to attend kindergarten?

Many people wonder what age is most appropriate to start attending preschool. Psychologists consider the optimal age to be 3.5-4 years. At this time, speech has already been formed so much that the child can express his desires and understand the demands that are placed on him, he is already able to talk about his feelings and tell what specifically does not suit him. The crisis of three years is over, the baby is calmer and more confident in himself, and may already be left without familiar people.

At 4 years old, children easily adapt to new conditions, they are interested in group games, and often such children have little communication with their family, they simply need communication with other children. As a rule, adaptation of a 4-year-old child is easy and painless.

However, not all parents have the opportunity to keep their child at home for such a long time; some have to send their one and a half year old children to kindergarten. The average age when a child begins to attend preschool is 2-3 years, when the baby is close to or is already going through the crisis of three years.

Games with other children do not interest them, since at this time collective skills are poorly developed. Children under 3 years old, as psychologists and teachers note, do not play together, but nearby, so they do not have an urgent need to communicate with peers. But the attachment to his mother is too strong, whom a 2-year-old baby is afraid to even lose sight of.

The adaptation of such children is much more difficult; they most of all do not want to go to kindergarten, and it is they who need help from parents, educators, and even psychologists.

The most common reasons for reluctance to attend kindergarten

The first thing parents need to do is find out the reason why the child does not want to go to kindergarten. And if the situation is more or less clear with 1.5-3 year old children who find themselves without their mother in an unfamiliar environment for the first time, then it can be difficult to figure out why a child who has been attending kindergarten for several years suddenly refuses to go there. There can be many reasons.

Change of usual routine and environment. Adaptation

The adaptation period is the period of time during which a child gets used to a new environment, learns to cope without parents, and becomes more independent. It lasts differently for everyone: from several months to 1-2 years. The duration of the period depends on many things: from the child’s perception of his classmates and teacher to the situation in the family.

It is known that children are conservatives who are afraid of change, especially if there are no close people nearby. For a baby who was constantly with his mother and was rarely separated from her, staying with a stranger surrounded by a couple dozen other children is a serious stress. Knowing that the child will soon face a similar test, you need to prepare him for this in advance: tell him a little about the kindergarten, why he should go there, what awaits him there. It would be useful to get acquainted with the teacher, the territory of the preschool institution, his future group and classmates.

For some time, many parents come to the group with their children and spend 2-3 hours there. The child sees his mother and plays calmer and more willingly with his friends. If it is not possible to be near the child in a group (not all of them are able to accommodate 20 parents in addition to their children), then for the first week or two it is worth picking him up before lunchtime. This way, the baby will get used to the atmosphere of the kindergarten, his new friends, the teacher, and it will be easier to endure separation.

Advice: To make your child’s stay in kindergarten more comfortable, you can give him his favorite toy.

Often children who previously eagerly went to kindergarten begin to cry again in the morning when it is time to go there. It turns out that they were recently transferred to another group or something was simply changed in their usual environment. Or maybe one of the teachers has changed. The same applies to children who were transferred to another preschool institution. In this case, adaptation begins almost from the very beginning.

Unusual food

Little conservatives get used not only to the environment, but also to the way their mother cooks. The kindergarten diet with traditional milk with foam, jelly and semolina porridges is not always to their taste. For some, this is what becomes decisive, because by refusing an unloved dish, the child remains hungry until the next meal, sometimes for the whole day. Of course, some educators practice so-called “supplementary feeding”, when they almost forcefully try to feed the uneaten food to the pupil, but this can hardly be called a solution. This approach will only strengthen the child’s negative attitude towards kindergarten.

The solution would be to bring the child’s home diet closer to the kindergarten diet several months before the start of attending preschool and at least for the first time after this event. You should study the rules of cooking in kindergarten. For example, in educational institutions, frying and adding any seasonings other than salt are prohibited. At home, you should also avoid seasonings and serve main courses boiled or stewed. Not all kids like it, and at first they will not eat well. Parents can calm down: such food is more healthy, and gradually the child will get used to it.

If your child eats before kindergarten, most likely he will refuse porridge in the group, and it will be difficult for him to wait until lunch. In this case, it is better not to feed him at home; then, when he gets hungry, he will happily eat the porridge and play with his peers until lunchtime, without thinking about food. Thus, the negative emotions that hunger creates will go away on their own.

It's all about the teacher

This is the most common reason why a child does not want to go to kindergarten. Often the child loves one teacher, but does not accept the other, working in pairs, cries and does not want to go to him. And the point is not at all that this “other” teacher offends him, as many parents think. Again, it's a matter of getting used to it. It has been noticed that many children are more willing to go to the teacher who received them the first time. The partner in this case turns out to be a “stranger”, and the baby will take longer to get used to him.

Although quite rare, cases of rude treatment of a child are possible. For a child who is accustomed only to praise and approval, a simple remark from a mentor, even the fact that he pays little attention to him, can become rude.

If parents understand that the child does not want to go to kindergarten because of his perception of the teacher, it is worth finding out what exactly the reason is. This is not so easy to do. A one and a half year old baby does not speak yet; older children perceive everything at the level of feelings that they are not able to explain.

The game will come to the rescue. You can play in kindergarten with toys. Let the baby choose who he wants to be - a teacher, himself or one of his classmates. In fact, this game is a model that will show relationships in kindergarten, the child’s attitude towards everyone around him and those around him.

Important: When finding out the cause, this problem should be discussed with a mentor, and if possible, contact a psychologist. In the event of a conflict with the teacher, which is extremely rare, but still not impossible, psychologists advise not even changing the group, but moving to another kindergarten.

Video: A child does not want to go to kindergarten: solving the problem in the “Everything will be fine” program

Aloof behavior

Some children find it difficult to fit into a team. As a rule, this applies to those children who rarely went out “in public”, communicated with peers, and spent most of their time in the company of their mother. This group also includes children who are not accepted by their peers. As a rule, in early preschool age this manifests itself unconsciously: the children play separately, do not invite anyone to their games, although they do not drive away anyone who joins. Therefore, if a modest beginner sits on the sidelines, a bunch of kids playing are unlikely to pay attention to him. But as soon as he gets involved in the game, he will immediately be accepted into the team.

When solving this problem, much depends on the teacher. As soon as a child’s isolated behavior is noticed, it is necessary to take immediate action, especially if the child is shy and indecisive. Take by the hand and introduce those playing into the company, pay a little more attention in joint games, more often put them in the role of leader. It should be understood that it is at this age that social relationships are formed. If a child gets used to being on the sidelines from early childhood, it will be difficult to bring him into the company at school age.

Parents should also visit places with their children more often where there are many children: matinees, parks, and participate in children’s competitions together with their child. You can invite classmates with their parents to your home, and go visit yourself. If possible, an excellent option would be to visit an early development group 1-2 times a week, where children play with peers in the presence of their mothers. At the same time, it is necessary to draw the baby’s attention to how fun and interesting it is.

Video: Doctor Komarovsky about “non-kindergarten” children

What not to do

A child’s reluctance to go to kindergarten manifests itself in different ways: from simple persuasion to hysterics and threats. But in this case, the parents at least see and understand the problem. It is much more difficult to understand the reason for the child’s nervousness if the child does not directly express his reluctance to go to kindergarten, but simply tries in every possible way to avoid this event:

• does not want to get out of bed, pretending to be sound asleep;
• delays the morning toilet and general preparations for kindergarten;
• when approaching a child care center, the child’s behavior changes sharply: he is silent, sad, and clutches his mother’s hand tighter;
• doesn’t want to talk about how he spent his day;
• complains about the children and the teacher, cannot name anything that he liked in kindergarten during the day.

You should not immediately refuse to attend a preschool institution, no matter how sorry you feel for your baby. It is in kindergarten that a child acquires the necessary social skills, develops, learns to communicate with peers and adults, and becomes more independent. A child who attends a preschool institution subsequently adapts more easily to the school environment.

You cannot give in to your child’s persuasion to “sit at home for one day” or “just don’t go to kindergarten today.” Having achieved his goal through persuasion, the next time the child refuses, he will begin to scream and cry, and then it’s not far from hysterics. There is a strict rule: if you decide to take him to kindergarten, then you need to firmly stand on the fact that every morning the baby wakes up and goes to his group.

Taking your child every other day “to get him used to it” is also not an option. If the mother is very worried, then at first it is permissible to leave the baby for several hours, for example, until lunch, or pick her up after a nap.

Letting a problem take its course, thinking that after time it will solve itself, is also dangerous. In the most sensitive children, due to severe psychological stress, parents note the so-called developmental regression. A child who has been asking to use the potty for a long time suddenly stops doing so, and the child telling the poem does not want to connect even a few words. This is usually observed before the next leap in development, when the baby accumulates impressions and experience, and then we surprise those around us with new “skills.” But it may also indicate serious problems. If a child experiences such regression, and it is associated with starting to attend kindergarten, consultation with a specialist is mandatory.

Kindergartens are very useful institutions for society as a whole and every family with small children. In them, children acquire communication skills in a team, become more independent, are prepared for school, and mothers get the opportunity to realize themselves in the professional sphere and improve the financial situation of the family if it has been shaken during maternity leave.

However, some kids take going to kindergarten literally with hostility, and every day getting ready for kindergarten turns into a war - with quiet whimpering or loud hysterics. There is no need to give up kindergarten - “non-kindergarten” children do not go through the necessary stage of development and adapt much worse at school. The problem can be solved by identifying the reason why the child does not want to go to kindergarten, knowing what to do and following the advice of a psychologist.

Main reasons

Reason #1. Adaptation

The beginning of “kindergarten” life and joining the children’s group with its strict routine and rules changes the child’s entire way of life. Instead of a mother - a teacher, instead of favorite toys - unfamiliar children around and classes on a schedule, instead of the usual food - the creations of kindergarten cooks with the need to eat it all. Some children do it quickly, others find it more difficult - they cry, ask to go home, refuse to eat and may even get sick.

Solutions

Remember, even adults find it difficult to adapt to a new team, so don’t throw your child into a “new life” like into an ice hole. Soften the period of adaptation, make it smoother. The kindergarten staff will definitely help you with this. Find out the schedule and menu in the kindergarten in advance and get as close to them as possible at home long before your first visit to the garden. During walks, come to the kindergarten, play with the children on the playground, you can also arrange a preliminary excursion to the group to captivate and interest the child.

It is best to send a child to kindergarten at 3-4 years old, in a group of the same newcomers; at an earlier age he is too attached to his mother, at a later age he will be forced to adapt to an already established team.

During your first visits to the kindergarten, leave your child for an hour or two, then start picking him up after a morning walk, after lunch, and so on. Watch the baby - this period may take a different time for each baby, do not rush events, but also do not allow yourself to be manipulated by leaving him at home.

The same should be done when moving and moving to a new garden - adaptation will be shorter in time, but with the same stages. To make it easier for your child, teach him a new interesting game that he can play with the guys - this will help him get used to it faster.

An important point - strictly follow the regime, put your child to bed on time - without enough sleep, he will be in a bad mood in the morning and whine, not wanting to go to the garden.

Particularly sensitive babies can be given a “helper” or a “piece of home” with them - this could be a soft toy, some kind of small amulet in their pocket that will support the baby until the mother returns.

Reason #2. Food and sleep

The food in kindergartens is simple and standard - soups, cereals, omelettes, casseroles, jelly, compotes. Not all children like it, and besides, when preparing “culinary masterpieces” in large quantities, anything is possible - the porridge burns, the onions float in the soup in large slippery flakes. The child refuses to eat, but the teacher insists: you need to eat everything, porridge with lumps, milk with foam, quickly and without whims. They use persuasion, threats, and long periods of sitting at the table when all the children have already gone for a walk. It is clear that such daily torture does not increase the desire to go to the garden.

The same is with daytime sleep - some 5-6 year old children no longer need it, and the teacher requires them to lie quietly and with their eyes closed.

Solutions

Force feeding is one of the deepest psychological traumas that can be experienced in childhood. The task of parents is to avoid this themselves and to protect their child as much as possible from such situations in kindergarten. Talk to the teacher, clearly explaining your position: you cannot force your child to eat, even if he eats poorly or eats little. Let him eat as much as he can - you will have no complaints. Even a “little one” will eat at least something in company with classmates. Do not feed your baby in the morning so that he “works up an appetite” for breakfast, do not give sweets with you.

The situation with sleep can also be resolved peacefully: if it is possible to pick up the child before bed, take him; if not, try to agree that he will quietly draw or just lie down, but without sharp demands to fall asleep.

Reason No. 3. Lack of independence

It is difficult in kindergarten for children who have been overprotected, not given the opportunity not only to express their opinions, but also to acquire the necessary self-care skills. Other children may laugh at them, teachers are also dissatisfied with the “hoarders” or “dirties” who require a lot of extra attention when dressing or eating, and the child himself can express his desires with whims, which also does not contribute to “joining the team.”

Try to reduce the amount of your care and guardianship even before visiting the kindergarten, take your child to playgrounds, clubs and early development studios, allow. If a problem has already arisen, practice self-care skills with your child at home - in a playful way “conquer the naughty spoon”, “subdue buttons and laces”, be sure to make sure that the child washes his hands well and knows how to use a handkerchief.

Reason No. 4. Educators

There are 2 possible situations here:

• the teacher is biased towards the child, rarely praises and often scolds him, speaks negatively about his behavior and abilities in the presence of other children;
• It’s boring in the garden, the activities are monotonous and uninteresting.

It is sometimes very difficult to identify such situations - the baby will not tell you directly about what is bothering him. Go from the other side: bring situations from your childhood, stories of your familiar children, “I was often scolded by the teacher in childhood...”, “A girl I know complains that kindergarten is not interesting, they play on their own...”, play with toys “Day in garden” - in the child’s answers and behavior during the game you will definitely “find” the problem.

If the teacher is aggressive and undeservedly punishes children, the problem must be solved together with other parents by contacting the kindergarten administration. However, surprisingly, some children may adore the same teacher, while others may quietly hate them. If, in general, the teacher treats children well, does not yell at them, does not humiliate them, and the classes are interesting, then a conflict is possible with your child. In this case, it is incorrect to “jump over your head” and go straight to the administration; talk to the teacher first - do not behave aggressively or ingratiatingly, try to conduct a constructive dialogue and draw up a plan of joint action to overcome the impasse. Typically, educators welcome the active participation of parents in the child’s life and are happy to meet them halfway.

If the response is negative and a common language cannot be achieved, it is better to transfer the child to another group or kindergarten. The same should be done if the teachers are unprofessional, do little with the children, and the children in the group are left to their own devices.

Reason No. 5. Conflicts with children

A child in kindergarten may be teased for peculiarities of appearance or behavior, for inept actions, for sneaking and whims.

A child can voice his grievances, but more often he remains stubbornly silent, withdraws into negativism and refuses to go to kindergarten without explanation. You can identify the problem in the same way as in the previous case - in a roundabout way, in conversation or during a game.

There is no need to directly “showdown” with offenders - this is unethical, because you will not fight with preschoolers, and often it is pointless - the hail of ridicule can only intensify.

Help your child in a different way: keep his appearance clean and tidy, work on self-care skills, teach counting rhymes and games that will captivate other children, “unearth” your child’s talents - drawing, sculpting, singing, reading poetry - and with the help teacher, give him the opportunity to demonstrate his skills - his classmates will see him completely differently. At first, the most effective ways to deal with “name calling” are to sincerely laugh with the offenders, ignoring ridicule and “excuses”, for example, “Whoever calls names is called that himself.”

Rare causes

There are many other, individual or situational reasons: from serious ones - the child is aggressive, shy, withdrawn, hyperactive, to simpler ones - the child is often sick, he simply manipulates his parents to stay at home, he quarreled with a friend, or he simply does not like or is uncomfortable with clothes for kindergarten - a lot of fasteners, difficult to put on and take off, too elegant and the baby is afraid of getting it dirty.

In these cases, parents will have to conduct a real investigation to identify the reason for their reluctance to go to kindergarten, and then call on all their pedagogical and psychological talents and solve the problem, taking into account the characteristics of their baby.

Work on mistakes

Avoid common mistakes that, for any reason, a child’s refusal to attend kindergarten only aggravates the problem.

It is forbidden:

• show your baby your anxiety;
• scare kindergarten;
• deceive the baby - by calling the time of your arrival, keep your promise;
• allow manipulation, succumb to persuasion;
• criticize the kindergarten or its workers in front of the child.

As you can see, the reasons why a child does not want to go to kindergarten are quite varied. Correctly identifying them is already half the solution. Do not distance yourself from the baby, try to create and maintain a trusting relationship with him - this will help both in identifying the causes and in solving the problem. The most important thing is not to resort to radical measures and do not completely abandon kindergarten, depriving the child of opportunities for socialization and development.