How to find love. Sincere, mutual and real

The question of how to find love was asked by people who lived on our earth thousands of years ago, but the question is so relevant that it worries our contemporaries as well.

People want to love and be loved, needed, this is the basic psychological need of the individual, described in many philosophical treatises since ancient times. But how to find your love, how to find that very dear person, a faithful life partner? A very difficult question. Let's try to answer it briefly.

Look for love where you feel good

As one of the great people once said, love is not when lovers look at each other, but when they look in the same direction. It is easier for us to fall in love with that person with whom we have much in common: common interests, views, values. Moreover, such a union, based on the kinship of the souls of two people, will be more durable. Therefore, look for a couple where you are interested: on a camping trip, in a club for lovers of bard songs, in an Orthodox church, in a theater, in a museum, at a disco, etc. Believe me, your choice will seem to you the best!

Search for love among mutual acquaintances and friends

Sometimes love can take you by surprise, and the person of your dreams will be a humble acquaintance of one of your friends. It is possible that once you were already introduced to each other, you know him fluently, but now this person will open up to you from a completely different side. Therefore, be prepared for such meetings, because they are also unique. Also, try to visit those companies where there are young people of your age: go to birthdays, common holidays, weddings, and so on. Be cheerful and relaxed, and you will be able to attract the attention of the very person who will love you from the bottom of his heart.

Find your love at the university

The time of youth is also the time of active learning. Student age has to love. Surveys show that many young people find their life partner in higher education. Sometimes this is their classmate or classmate, sometimes a person from another faculty or course. But the most important thing is that such love, which originated within the walls of the native university, often accompanies people all their lives.

Find your love while traveling

Often love finds us where we do not expect it, for example, in travels and trips. Therefore, if you are young and energetic, travel often and a lot. Thanks to such travels, you will not only get to know a new world and new people, but also, perhaps, find your happiness for many years to come.

Search for your love with the help of good forces

Often religious people ask for help to find their love for God. They testify that they receive what they ask for.

Finding love where no one else is looking for it

If you no longer know how to find love and your attempts to find your soul mate fail, most importantly, do not despair. Believe that your happiness is not far off, it is waiting for you in a chance meeting with your loved one in a cafe, on the street, among friends and strangers. Therefore, you just need to live and hope that love itself will find you (and there are a huge number of such cases).

In this case, you should not rationally calculate the options for such a meeting, otherwise you will become like the heroine of the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears”, who already at a venerable age dreamed of meeting some man anywhere (up to the cemetery, which, in her opinion, people come to respectable and single widowers).

Hope for a lucky break

Remember that all ages are submissive to love. Sometimes falling in love comes unexpectedly, almost by accident. Believe that everything is ahead of you, life will definitely prepare a good surprise for you in the form of a lady or a knight of the heart! And this person will bring you a well-deserved feeling of family peace and joy of being!

And in more detail. I think that for everyone the definition of love is given in its own way ... I will try to highlight the general definition of this term. Love is emotions, feelings, attachment to any person.

There is also love for another object, but in this article we will talk about the love of a person for a person. A more detailed definition of the word "love" can be found in the article ""

Causes of loneliness

I think at the moment a lot of people consider themselves lonely. Even while reading this article, you probably consider yourself at least a little lonely, and you are also looking for your love...

The main problem with this is that many sit and wait for their love, postponing this feeling for the future. Typical reasoning: “Someone will love me, then it will be clear whether this is love or not. I will meet someone, and all the love that I saved up, I will give this to my future second half. To my mind, doing so is stupid.

Imagine example: All your life you save money for yourself in order to find that one thing on which you will spend all this accumulated over your whole life, starving and begging.

Here's a better example: You are an athlete and have been accumulating strength for many years, so that later you can “shoot” somewhere at the World Championships, without showing anything at competitions, so that your strength remains for the future. Isn't it stupid?

With love, everything is exactly the same: pushing away love, you also push away the “chosen ones”. Remember: you have little love? You will also have little sympathy from others. And of course, vice versa - you have a lot of love? So and more people will be drawn to you

It may also be that you think that your life did not work out. Or do you wait and put off your love for when you will love someone?

By your own actions you repel love. But you, yes, she needs you. Do not waste time, use every minute so that there is more and more of this love in you. And everyone around will see that love simply “whips” in you and will themselves be drawn to you. They will change their opinion about you, they will perceive you much better, respond with the same love as you.

No need to transfer everything to the future, try to behave as if Your love is already there.

For example, many girls do not wear beautiful clothes, because they want to show it to their loved one, or they have a mess at home - there is no one to try for; they sleep in old pajamas, because there is no one to appreciate beautiful and expensive things.

Try to find the reasons for your loneliness (maybe it's your character, problems). They sometimes make it difficult to find that “only” person.

Resolve the reasons that you found in yourself. And step by step try to fix them or try to start looking at life from scratch.

No need to despair, be upset, scold your life or fall into depression, try to be more cheerful, smile sincerely more often: a smile attracts and brings people together.

Possess such qualities for which you yourself would fall in love with a person. Remember the proverb: “A fisherman sees a fisherman from afar”, remake the same proverb about love: I think you understood what I meant. Looking for people with certain qualities, so show those same qualities to the people around you.

In search of love, do not forget: you need to love constantly, all the time.

Remember: LEARN TO LOVE - LOVE WILL SUDDENLY COME TO YOU!

Why is self-love advice so popular? Loving yourself is not only about stopping calling yourself stupid or fat. You need to love your body, face, hair. Go in for sports and lose an extra couple of kilograms, and not justify your laziness with the constitution of the body. Start taking care of yourself regularly, sort out your wardrobe, throwing worn things out without pity.

Straighten your back, raise your head higher and change the sadness in your eyes to the joy of life. Self-confidence attracts many people.

Where to find your love

In the first place in the number of acquaintances is the Internet. Social networks, dating sites, forums and chats. The downside of online dating is the unknown: who is on the other side of the monitor.

When choosing online dating, be careful. View the person's page if it's a social network. The lack of photos, information and the minimum number of friends should alert. Dating sites are losing their popularity every year due to the large number. It is better to register on a city or some thematic forum. After talking with a person in general topics, the conversation can be transferred to private messages.

You can find your love at work. In order not to get a reprimand from the authorities, you should not advertise your sympathy for a person at work. You can invite him to dinner or chat after the end of the working day.

In a fitness club, you can not only get to know a person, but also evaluate his physical data or show yourself. And, of course, all this is combined with benefits for the figure and health.

Some cities organize flirting parties. Arriving there, you can be sure that those present are free and also interested in getting to know each other. If you can't find the right candidate for a serious relationship, you'll just have fun or make new friends.

Alternatively, you can ask your friends to introduce you to someone. Almost every person has a couple of free acquaintances.

How to find your love

Don't sit alone at home. The more diverse your hobbies, places visited and social circle, the more likely you are to meet your love.

Do not be afraid to be the first to approach the person you like. Especially if he shows reciprocal sympathy.

Don't set yourself the goal of finding love, and don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen. It is not for nothing that they say: "Love will inadvertently come when you do not expect it at all." Let go of the situation, just enjoying life, and love will definitely find you.

Own happiness and love every person dreams. Without these feelings, life becomes empty and meaningless. However, it is worth remembering that this is not a matter of one day - fate makes these gifts when it considers it necessary.

Instruction

Get happiness and everyone dreams. But, unfortunately, not everyone succeeds. Moreover, some seem to walk in a vicious circle, making the same mistakes over and over again. And some believe that this does not depend at all, but happens exclusively by "decision from above", at a predetermined time. However, there are several rules that will help you find the right person, and with it happiness.

Look for your love in your social circle. The fairy tale about Cinderella remains just a fairy tale. In real life, people from different social classes with great difficulty find a common language. An Oxford graduate may have a fleeting fascination with the Russian hinterland, but the charm of her "naivete" will very quickly give way to weariness and annoyance at her ignorance and too simplistic for life.

Look for a partner based on your own interests, and not vice versa. sacrifice

Do you want love? Sincere, mutual and real? You make wishes, do meditations to attract love, try to constantly be in a state of love. But the man is not attracted? Or is attracted, but not for long? For example, a relationship can last 3-5 months, and then there is disappointment and a break. And this can go on for quite a long time, sometimes for several years.

And you can't figure out why. Understand what exactly you are missing, and why love does not come into your life or you walk in a vicious circle.

How to find love and be loved

But, you, most likely, really miss one very important nuance: before you create a happy relationship with someone, you need to create such a relationship with yourself. That is, at first - mutual to itself. Until this happens, there will be no happy relationship either. Think back to a relationship in which you were happy. Where did they start, how did they start? I am more than sure that from the fact that at that moment you were on a spiritual uplift, in harmony with yourself, you loved yourself, and, through yourself, you fell in love with another person.

And then suddenly you began to have some claims to yourself (that's right - first to yourself, and not to your partner), maybe you began to compare yourself with some other women, maybe your appearance has somehow changed, but all that anything can be. It’s just that at some point your relationship with yourself somehow went wrong, and you lost self-confidence, and at the same time respect and love for yourself.

That is, from this we can conclude that your love for yourself in life is not unconditional and permanent. And therefore you cannot meet a person who would reflect this love to you. And vibrating at such a frequency of self-dislike, you cannot attract a person who loves himself, because you simply cannot coincide with him.

How to find love. fall in love with yourself

In the meantime, in terms of vibrations, you coincide with those people who also, to one degree or another, do not love themselves, and just as you are looking for compensation for your dissatisfaction with yourself in them, so they are looking for such compensation in you.

You just can't match up with someone who isn't on your wavelength. And while you are in the process of clearing, in which each of your partners shows you that you do not love yourself. And if you take it as a clarification, as an experience, as a lesson, then you will become much closer to realizing your wholeness. And then your next partner will also be more holistic.

But if every time you worry about the fact that this is again “the wrong person”, then you do not clarify anything for yourself. You simply again shift the responsibility for your "hard fate" to someone else. And then all your subsequent relationships will be exactly the same. Because you didn't go through the lesson, you didn't understand, you didn't realize, and therefore your vibrations didn't change, and you still don't like yourself in some way.

You can walk this path of clarity not only alone or with some short-term companions. It may well be that you are in a relationship with one person, but these relationships do not suit you, you do not feel happy in them. This means that both of you are somewhat dissatisfied with yourself and are looking for some kind of compensation in each other, instead of finding it in yourself.

Such relationships are called co-dependent. And only when understanding comes, and each of you begins to accept as a whole being, then you will stop depending on each other and you will feel good, because whole beings always feel good together.

Why do you think there are unhappy and happy couples? A happy couple is two whole individuals who, first of all, are able to build a happy relationship with themselves. And an unhappy couple is two co-dependent individuals who are looking for compensation in each other.

And even if you now say that this is not true and that you definitely love yourself, you still come across some “defective” men. And all this happens not because you are dissatisfied with yourself in some way, but because there are simply no good, normal, high-quality men. I only hear around that “the man was grinding now”, “there used to be normal men, but now they have become like women”, “everyone needs only one thing”, and so on.

I will tell you one secret. If a woman or a man is convinced that everyone is “goats and fools”, then this is a picture of his or her relationship with Self. Therefore, I dare to assure you that good men exist, and in fairly large numbers. And many men also want a family and happy relationships, and these are very positive men in every sense.

And you can see it for yourself. And for this you need to stop endlessly striving for some kind of ideality, and love yourself today and now. Strong, stable and unshakable.

And… stop looking. And he will be found.

How to find love. Look inside yourself

You can go through as many trainings as you like, where you will be told that becoming a goddess, beauty, bitch, and so on, you will definitely meet a wealthy wonderful man and marry him. Or you will find the love of your life and live happily until the end of your days. But it's not.

Because you can know a lot, study a lot of information, but at the same time be constantly dissatisfied with yourself in something, and this is what will play a major role. Not your knowledge and skills, but your vibration! If you are studying something on the topic of relationships, then first of all listen to yourself, and not to some uncles and aunts. They don't know better how you live, but you! Listen to yourself whether this information resonates with you or not. And don't force yourself to do what you don't want to, don't force yourself. Go your own way, with love and respect for yourself first.

Often, when you are learning how to love and be loved, how to build relationships, and all the rest, you are deluding yourself. You are taking Yourself away from Yourself. Take only the information that resonates with you, as they say, "falls on the soul." And stop torturing your brain and your body with the constant “how to find a man, how to create a relationship, how to build a relationship” and go into the process of creating a relationship with yourself. All the answers are within you. Your personal, individual answers.

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Where to meet for a serious relationship? According to the observations of psychologists, girls and women are most often concerned about this issue. Men are more likely to ask how they get to know each other. Quite a lot of trainings are devoted to this, and this is just a skill.

Here's what he said about this training psychologist, business coach Evgeny Yakovlev: “Somehow, with a client, they practiced techniques for establishing contact and “small conversation” on the street. A woman, obviously an office worker, was also stopped at the Belorussky railway station. She was very wary of us at first. And after 5-6 minutes of conversation, I understood that - everything, now she completely trusts us, she completely went into very emotionally colored memories. And we, in general, went on the simplest communication techniques. In fact, when applied accurately, they themselves give a slight hypnotic effect..

And yet, where to meet a young woman whose studies are already over, who works, which means that the circle of friends and a team of colleagues has already more or less developed, which cannot be said about her personal life. Some girls think that you can meet anywhere. But the chances of meeting an adequate man who wants to develop relationships further, as it turns out, still depend on the place of acquaintance.

On the street. Back in the early 2000s, it was believed that meeting people on the street or on public transport was normal. But now, in big cities, a certain number of pick-up artists, gigolos and scammers have been added. Therefore, now it is already difficult to say who the man who is actively trying to get to know you will turn out to be.

Of course, everything is possible in our life. Including acquaintance on the street can attract a worthy man to you, - he told the Mir 24 correspondent psychologist, psychoanalyst Nikolai Markov. - But here I am shifting the focus to general patterns ... Believe me, I receive letters from different parts of our country every day, in which young ladies ask for help to return to normal life after an unsuccessful acquaintance with some gigolo, pick-up artist, or scammer.

Moreover, almost every successful man nowadays has a car in which he travels all day (from home to work, from work to a fitness center, from a fitness center to a supermarket, and so on). Therefore, it is quite rare to meet him walking alone through the streets.

In the cafe. Do single men really have to eat somewhere? During a business lunch, bars, cafes, food courts are literally crowded with men. However, here's the catch: “Business men go to cafes to really have a bite to eat,” says the psychologist. - But to get acquainted in such places, as a rule, professional seducers prefer. Therefore, acquaintance for a serious relationship during lunch, in fact, occurs only occasionally.

In the fitness center. A good option, because now many people want to keep themselves in proper physical shape, and a large number of well-established men visit fitness centers. However, they come here to train. Therefore, during training, you should not distract a person from exercise. But during the rest, or when the complex comes to an end, it is quite possible to ask for help, or ask about some kind of simulator.

“The chances of meeting a man in a fitness center depend on the time of day,” says Nikolai Markov. - Since a man who is busy with work can only afford to work there after work. If you visit the fitness center at the top time (in the evening - after 21), then the probability of meeting a man in this place is 20 - 30%.

In the office. At work, people spend a lot of time and are well aware of what this or that employee is. This is good for trying to have an office romance. But the downsides are also obvious.

You are in plain sight, and it will be very difficult to hide your relationship, so gossip will most likely go around in the team. The authorities may consider that you do not pay due attention to your work, and this will negatively affect your career growth in the future. Finally, if the relationship turns out to be unsuccessful, then one of the two will have to quit or suffer in silence.

If the listed disadvantages do not bother you, then it is very easy to get acquainted at work, - Nikolai Markov shares his observations. - However, sometimes it is much more profitable to get acquainted not at work, but at refresher courses or corporate training.

This allows you to get to know someone with whom you will not constantly see each other at work, which means that the risks are minimized. But you have common interests, which is good for mutual understanding and further development of relations.

Business trip.“Travel more often in your region, country and world! - advises family psychologist, doctor of science Andrey Zberovsky". - It is quite possible to find your man there. Never refuse those business trips that management will offer you or that you will need to improve your professional level! Agree on all kinds of internships, retraining and advanced training courses, job seekers, residencies, postgraduate and doctoral studies in other cities. Perhaps your personal Happiness has long been waiting for you in another city or region (or even in another country!), And at this time, for the hundredth time, you comb the central street of your habitat to no avail and think with annoyance: “Well, where did you all hide something, huh?

In nightclubs and bars.“Never meet in “places specially designated for this,” Andrey Zberovsky warns. - Keep in mind: expensive nightclubs, restaurants, cafes and bars, as a rule, are not the place where you can find a friend "for a serious relationship." These are just places where a certain group of more or less successful men (wealthy entrepreneurs, high officials, gangsters and swindlers of all stripes, just self-assertive revelers) aged 30 to 50 either pick up “fresh” mistresses for themselves, or gather to to brag to each other about their “coolness” and new achievements, as well as to “acquire” new “necessary” connections.

In friends company.“Practice shows that in about every fifth case of a successful love friendship, people are introduced to each other by mutual acquaintances,” says the psychologist. - The advantage is that you get to know a person already "with a pedigree"! Someone can guarantee the "correctness" of his behavior. The person you meet in this way is likely to think the same way.”

The psychologist advises to inform all your relatives, friends and acquaintances that you have come to grips with the search for a friend or girlfriend. And clearly explain to all those with whom you communicate what characteristics your potential chosen one should have. And then be sure to respond to all proposals to look at the next "working option". It is quite possible that one day your heart will beat, and you will realize that you are very lucky ...

On dating sites. According to statistics, on an average Russian dating site, on average, about 10% of the profiles belong to young men who are set up to meet for a serious relationship.

“Now let's analyze,” suggests psychologist Nikolai Markov. - 10% - is it a lot or a little? Even on the smallest dating site, we have at least 1000 profiles of men. 10% out of a thousand - it will be 100. It turns out that even on the smallest dating site around you there are at least 100 seriously oriented men. What other place to meet can provide you with 100 potential candidates?

It turns out that the chances of meeting the right man through the Internet are actually higher than anywhere else. Why so - let's see. What is the life of the average successful man? It includes, most likely, career, education, sports, travel, communication with friends, spiritual development. We modern men are extremely busy. We don't have much time, and sometimes we just don't have it. And those crumbs of free time that remain should be directed to acquaintance. Where can you meet quickly? Of course, via the Internet.

Bottom line: There are actually far more potential suitors on dating sites and social media than anywhere else. And in our time, the Internet is sometimes the only place where, due to its daily work load, a modern man can have time to get to know each other.

Tatyana Rubleva talked to psychologists