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How to overcome the fear of communicating with a girl. Getting rid of the fear of dating on your own How to overcome yourself and meet a girl

Fear of dating a girl- This is one of the most common fears among young guys. In life, it manifests itself as a complete inability to approach an unfamiliar girl and start communicating in a relaxed manner. This leads to the fact that the young man is generally unable to have a normal relationship with a girl.

You've probably found yourself in this situation: you see a beautiful girl, you want to talk to her, take her phone number and invite her for a walk. And it seems that everything is simple! Come and speak. But something inside doesn't let you do it. You follow her and still can’t make up your mind. As a result, she leaves, and you begin to scold yourself for weakness and for missing out on such a doll. After all, there was such a great chance...

Fear of acquaintance manifests itself not only as fear of approach. It also appears as:

slurred muttering when talking to a stranger
increased sweating when communicating
slight trembling throughout the body
weakness in legs
and so on.

How is it that attractive guys who are healthy, well dressed, smart and have money have problems meeting and communicating with girls? Where does this very fear of a girl come from?

The root of the problem

It's no secret that modern society is clearly matriarchal. Boys are raised by women from childhood, and male education is virtually absent. The mother looks after the child, the kindergarten teacher is a woman, the school teacher is also a woman, and so on. All this leads to men growing up unmasculine.

Initially, the behavior of a little boy is significantly different from the behavior of a little girl. Boys are more confrontational and aggressive. This behavior is provided for by nature, because this is a future man who will have to extract resources and fight against others. But since women are the ones who do the upbringing, they usually suppress aggressiveness, competitiveness, and the ability to fight and resist.

Of course, this comes from good intentions. The mother is worried about the child, afraid that he will get injured. And there is much less hassle with such children, because parents are not called to school, the child’s clothes are clean. In general, such a good boy is growing up. The mother looks at such a son and is touched...

But it doesn’t even occur to her that she is introducing a female model of behavior into the boy’s brain. Such a good boy will turn out to be, at best, a loser pick-up artist who has no success with girls and in life, and at worst, a gay guy whose masculinity will be completely blocked.

Here are the consequences of matriarchal upbringing:

1 Fear of a woman. In the process of education, all rewards or punishments come from the woman. Accordingly, the child develops dependence and fear towards his mother, sister, teacher, and so on. After the boy grows up, such fear is projected onto other women. Why? Yes, because the child associates the mother with all women. Through fear of the mother, fear of girls in general is formed.
2 Fear of meeting girls- follows from the first problem. On the one hand, the guy’s masculine instincts push him to take active actions, but on the other hand, he is simply afraid of the girl. It jams my psyche. The moment of dating turns into a very stressful situation.
3 Fear of relationships. Even if a man has somehow overcome the fear of meeting people and has already decided to approach, the thought comes to mind: “Here I’ll come up, say the prepared phrase, take the phone number. But then you will need to call, invite her on a date, talk to her, try to get closer, and so on. But I don’t know any of this and I can’t…”

As a result, the guy is afraid to approach the girl, and if he does approach, he freezes and stands dumbly, making incomprehensible sounds. At this moment, various fears are spinning in his head, he is shaking, his lips are trembling, he turns red and simply panics. There is no normal communication.

It’s good if you come across a girl who understands and doesn’t immediately send such a guy far away and for a long time. But more often than not, girls also have their own fears! And it is the guy’s confident behavior when communicating that should relieve the girl’s fears. But if the guy himself is afraid, then his fears run into the girl’s fears and no communication comes out at all. And the loop of negative experience keeps growing. A big problem arises. And the guy is trying to solve this problem by attending various trainings on pickup trucks...

But the pickup doesn't help

If you have a fear of meeting people or being approached, then under no circumstances go to a pickup truck! Never! The techniques that pick-up artists use are still very raw and undeveloped. If you're interested in learning more, check out "Why Isn't My Pickup Working? "A pickup truck cannot remove the fear of a woman as such! But it can definitely make the problem worse.

The whole problem is that the guy who attends such trainings seriously thinks that he will be given a 100% working methodology, using which he will simply erase the old behavior model and replace it with a new one. In principle, everything sounds logical. But you need to understand one very tricky thing: the human psyche works holistically. She remembers a complete tackle. That is, the more you approach girls, overcoming fear, the more firmly the “approach = overcoming fear” model becomes established. That is, what is happening is not one model being overwritten by another, but an even greater twisting. And the more you approach through force, the more your old model of overcoming will become stronger in your psyche.

This happens because during the approach itself there is no psychological work to reduce the fear itself!

The psyche uses the pattern: I’m afraid - I overcome fear - I come up to meet people. And this pattern becomes stronger and stronger each time. Pick-up courses do not remove a girl’s fear itself!

At best, negativity is simply temporarily suppressed. But after a while everything falls into place again.

Many men ask the question: “Why am I embarrassed to approach and meet a girl I like and what to do about it?” You can overcome your fears if you step by step acquire communication skills with representatives of the fair sex. To do this, you need to learn how to properly leave your comfort zone.

How to overcome shyness when communicating. Simple tips If you want to be relaxed when communicating with girls, you need to communicate with them as much as possible. Communication cannot be learned from books. Ability to communicate comes with experience

. There are no other ways.

Finding a new hobby

A great option to start with is to sign up for some group classes, clubs or meetings of like-minded people, where, one way or another, you will have to communicate with people.

Here are some suitable examples:
Morning jogging.
Yoga classes.
Workouts in the gym.
Cultural events: literary meetings, concerts, etc.

Charity events.

The more girls you manage to establish contact with, the more confidence this rewarding experience will give you.

Chatting in Internet

Communicating in person is much easier. Therefore, it is better to start with dating on the Internet.

You can read a detailed article on how to meet a girl on the Internet. It is also useful to learn how to do the right ones.

Here are some useful tips on how.

You can read about the best place to invite a girl on a first date.

Here's how to spend your first date.

Experience of successful people

People who have achieved success in their business do not suffer from a lack of attention from women. Girls prefer dating men who know how to achieve their goals.

When communicating with a couple of successful acquaintances, you need to observe their behavior in the presence of women, look at their gestures, manner of conversation, ability to choose clothes, etc. This will be an invaluable experience that will definitely come in handy in establishing communication with the girl you like.

In order to learn how to confidently meet girls, you also need to learn from masters who have been dating and seducing girls for years, and teach others how to do this. In our article we have collected the most useful ones for becoming more confident and successful.

Positive visualization

You can get some communication experience at home. To do this, you need to pronounce phrases with different intonations in front of the mirror.

Mentally imagine the meeting scene in every detail: your behavior, posture during the conversation. This is what great sages and famous speakers did, and the authors of many books on psychology give this advice. Positive visualization, supported by real actions, will allow you to achieve great success in a short time.

How to overcome fear and approach a girl. Expanding the boundaries of your comfort zone

The comfort zone is an internal state of comfort and calm, when nothing causes a feeling of discomfort or constraint. If you are constantly in this state - You are not developing.

To feel relaxed when meeting a girl you like, you need to constantly leave your comfort zone: overcome your fears, stop being shy.

At first it will be difficult, but over time the acquired skills will work automatically, and you will have no time to think about your shyness. She will stop worrying.

You need to expand your comfort zone gradually - step by step. The smaller these steps are, the more comfortable it will be to move forward.

First, you need to make a list of tasks. You need to start with a task that you can do here and now, which does not cause insurmountable fear. For example, you can ask a girl how to get to the city library.

Each next task is more difficult than the previous one. The last point is that your goal is to meet a girl and ask her out on a date.

A sample list of tasks might look like this:

Ask the girl how you can get to the desired place (museum, theater, train station, street, etc.) And don’t forget to smile. You should not keep your hands folded on your chest. No chewing gum or stupid grins. Calm and natural demeanor.
Hold the girl's attention for 5 minutes.
Make a girl smile.
Start a casual dialogue. Hold on for 10 minutes.
Persuade the girl to accompany her to the metro, to the bus stop, to the place where she needs to go.
Get a phone number.
Invite a girl on a date so that she agrees.

Prerequisites

Number of steps to the goal unlimited.
You need to move on to the next step only when the previous one does not cause any discomfort.

Don’t be upset if at first not much comes out of your plans. Persistence in achieving what you set out to achieve and the firm belief that everyone deserves the best in this life will definitely lead to results.

With girl . Although it is customary to call men the stronger sex and a priori ascribe to them decisiveness in relationships, for many of them meeting a woman turns out to be psychologically extremely difficult. And the reason for this phenomenon lies to a large extent in the male way of thinking.

Society puts it in the heads of men from a very young age. A representative of any gender can fail, but for some reason failure for a man is considered a much greater shame. And this psychological attitude is so deeply rooted in the mind that a man is ashamed of his own failures and even fears the risk of failure.

And as a result, only the fear of being rejected turns into an insurmountable obstacle to getting closer to a pretty person. Moreover, the more attractive the beauty is in the eyes of the gentleman, the stronger the fear of being rejected turns out to be.

But to deal with any problem, you should know it as best as possible. What is this emotion that so greatly interferes with the establishment of social and personal life? Let's define what fear is, determine the meaning of this concept and the reasons that can cause such a feeling.

Let us divide the types of fear according to the reasons by which they can be caused: subjective, directly related to the personality of the person who is experiencing emotions, and objective, depending much more on external circumstances than on the individual.

Objective ones have an easily noticeable cause: criminal situations, natural or man-made disasters, other difficult or insurmountable events.

Subjective ones are based on personal experience or information received from various sources, processed by the consciousness not always logically and reasonably. Subjective, often without a real basis, is cowardice in the presence of a romantically attractive girl. A strange contradiction arises: if a woman is not interested in a man in terms of love, he calmly approaches her with a conversation, but approaching the object of sympathy turns out to be prohibitively difficult.

In such cases, there is a useful technique available to any adult: imagine the worst that will happen in case of failure. What can happen? A beautiful woman will refuse you in a harsh manner, showing only flaws in character or upbringing, but without causing you any real damage. And possible damage to self-esteem can be easily overcome with the help of a specialist.

How can a man overcome fear and resistance when dating?

Each of us is a unique, perfect individual personality, the manifestation of which forms our communication with people and our reputation in their eyes. Psychological complexes that develop in almost every person throughout life interfere with the manifestations of individuality, distort or suppress them. Negative experiences, low self-esteem and, as a result, self-doubt become the basis for the development of fear.

Important point

It is much easier to communicate with people you already know. You know what to expect from them, you can count on understanding and even moral support from loved ones. But how to overcome cowardice and tightness?

It is easier for us to communicate with loved ones, because... we know that they will treat us with understanding and support. However, when it comes to strangers, our confidence disappears, and getting closer to a beautiful lady will already require certain moral efforts. And worrying about what strangers around you might think would be especially undesirable. Therefore, you should start having romantic meetings in uncrowded places where you will not be a constant object of outside attention.

How can a young man overcome the crippling fear of meeting people?

Start your fight with proven theoretical knowledge with the help of an experienced specialist in the field.
The next and especially significant step is the practical application of acquired knowledge and the active acquisition of new skills. The more often you try to approach, the less it will bother you. But the results achieved are also important - at the practical stage, one should regularly analyze the attempts that have taken place, marking successful moments for further use, and unsuccessful ones for elimination. The accumulating base will allow you to create new models of behavior that are effective for you.
Don’t devote your free time just to looking for ways to overcome the feeling of being intimidated by girls! Relieve stress in healthy, simple ways: sports, music.
If the listed methods are not enough, hypnosis will be effective, or rather hypnotic relief of mental stress, getting rid of negativity, and opening your perception to something new and positive.

The most important criterion will be your psychological attitude. Positive thoughts will move you towards achieving your goal, negative thoughts can harm you.
Strive for the top! Try to establish contact with a truly impressive and beautiful woman. If the communication is successful, it will deservedly increase self-esteem; if unsuccessful, girls of modest appearance will no longer seem unattainable.
Try your hand at talking with unfamiliar people - this will become an intermediate step in the question of how you can overcome the stupor when approaching.
A modest but useful psychological technique: just try to communicate with unfamiliar girls without romantic goals, just to hone your skills.

As paradoxical as it may sound, many men experience great excitement and even fear when they meet the girl they like. Why is this happening? In most cases, the problem lies on the surface - lack of self-confidence caused by a number of previously acquired complexes. That is why it is important to understand yourself and neutralize the cause that causes unpleasant sensations.

In addition to uncertainty, indecision that arises inappropriately can spoil the pleasant impression of meeting a beautiful stranger. Never doubt the actions you take, and don’t think for a long time about whether or not you should approach a pretty girl. Be sure to do this and try to come back with a phone number - let this be your first triumph.

Doubts will never make a real man look good; they will only reduce the likelihood of success, since women are hypersensitive to such things. The fair sex adores strong, self-confident and assertive knights who are capable of reliably protecting the chosen lady of their heart and fighting for her favor. Therefore, try to remove any signs of doubt from your face, hide away complexes that no one needs, arm yourself with a smile, a bold look, and easily begin a new pleasant acquaintance.

When working on yourself, it is important to remember that the fear of communication cannot be overcome in a couple of minutes. The first few times you will have to brazenly step over it in order to reach your intended goal. In the future, this should develop into a habit, which will subsequently bring sheer pleasure.

During periods of difficult experiments, failures will occur, which should not unsettle you and force you to give up. Perhaps the girl passing by is in a hurry or is in a bad mood. In any case, you should not take rejection too seriously. Take what is happening with humor, use a philosophical approach and be sure to continue what you started.

If you still don’t know how to overcome your fear of a girl, try auto-training. Convince yourself that you are no worse than those men who are already successful with attractive representatives of the fair sex. Realize your own uniqueness and accept yourself for who you really are. After 10–15 such sessions, there will be practically nothing left of indecision, and the world will receive another confident man, which modern young ladies so lack.

Try to be alone less often and do not isolate yourself - it is better to walk in the fresh air. And for the good of your business - smile at eye-catching beauties, don’t be afraid to say hello to them. Start the conversation with some simple question, try to do it with self-esteem, don’t back down, and you will definitely gradually get closer to your cherished goal. And our unique and at the same time simple instructions given below will help you improve your practical skills during the dating process.

How to get rid of fear of a girl?

To begin with, try just walking down the street - it’s not scary at all and it’s hard to disagree with it. Listen to your own feelings, there should be lightness, peace and a feeling of freedom in your soul. If you're in the right mood, try approaching the girl you like and asking what time it is. The main thing at this moment is to cope with anxiety. It is necessary to make new attempts until you feel absolutely calm in such a situation.

When the desired effect is achieved, try to complicate the task a little. After the girl answers you, try to say some simple compliment. Tell her that these glasses suit her very well or something like that.

With a little practice in politeness and simple compliments, you can make the training a little more difficult. Now, instead of the tired “what time is it”, try asking how to get to or get to some part of the city, while it is advisable to pretend that you are a visitor. During the conversation, try to ask several counter questions. The goal of such manipulations is to stop being afraid of the process of communicating with attractive girls. Continue to hone your skills until the desired effect is achieved.

If you have already learned how to deal with natural embarrassment, feel free to take decisive action. Now the main goal is not just to start talking, but to really get to know the beauty you like. The ideal option would be to try to communicate with two girls sitting on a bench.

Ask permission to sit down and try to start a conversation. You can be interested in anything, from your favorite music to your intended place of study or work. Communication for 10-15 minutes is considered an excellent result. After all fears and embarrassment are no longer an obstacle, make new acquaintances as often as possible, thanks to this, the awkwardness in front of pretty girls will disappear forever.

If, after reading this material, you want to know how to overcome any of your fears on your own, you can read an interesting article on this topic without leaving this site.

I remember the first time I met a girl. My palms were sweating, my knees were shaking, and a lump appeared in my chest, making it difficult to breathe. Her refusal flashes through my head. Before approaching her, I even thought about leaving there and pretending that I had never seen her.

I know that it’s familiar, because everyone who is just entering into sexual activity or at least thinking about it goes through this.

But understand, fear is your biggest enemy! It amazingly fetters you and prevents you not only from meeting girls, but also from developing as a person!

Everything that you could show is hidden in the depths of your personality. And the girl cannot understand what kind of person you are. In front of her stands another guy who is afraid of her, who does not show himself in any way, and she doesn’t even know that you are a great lover and a good person. The result: another unsuccessful acquaintance.

Tell me is it worth it? Should we be afraid of the first and continue to hide our natural desires?

If you still have this problem, we will solve it today!

I'll show you, how to overcome fear of dating, using the example of a technique from NLP, only slightly transformed into a human (and therefore easy to use) version.

Take a few minutes of your time and make sure that nothing interferes with your ability to absorb the information from the article.

Let's go from fear to confidence!

Getting rid of fear always goes through certain stages, and before you move on to applying the technique in practice, you need to know where fear comes from. Because understanding the processes of its occurrence is part of the method.

1st stage – the beginnings of incorrect beliefs and/or fears.

You might have gotten the beginnings of fear a little earlier. Moreover, this was not necessarily experience specifically in dating girls.

The reason may also be something that is only partially related to the acquaintance itself. For example, at school a girl might talk to you rudely. It was so?

But understand, the reason could have been far from you, but you took it personally and began to think that you were somehow “different.” Fear is still in its infancy.

And it’s good if this is followed by a series of positive experiences that force our main character to quickly raise his self-esteem. Fear, as such, does not arise in this case. But usually things happen differently.

2nd stage – First experience.

At this stage, the guy is trying to get his first experience of seducing girls. The girls turn out to be not entirely friendly. As you know, they feel the inner state of guys on a subconscious level... and refuse them if the latter are afraid.

“Thanks to” an unsuccessful first experience, fear is consolidated and begins to be catastrophic.

3rd – awareness of the cause of fear.

At this moment, our main character begins to realize what exactly he is afraid of (up until this point there were simply negative emotions, but with a lack of understanding).

As soon as awareness occurs, the process of internal work begins. All that remains is to give this process the correct vector of thinking.

4th stage – rethinking;

5th – practice;

6th – positive experience = lack of fear.

Stages 3 to 6 need more detailed consideration with examples.

Detailed analysis of fear

In order to get to the bottom of the cause of your fear, you need to have developed internal sensitivity. But guys with little experience have almost no such sensitivity. Therefore, to find the cause of fear, you can use a small algorithm.

First of all, remember and very detailed Scroll in your imagination the moment of your communication with the girl in which you. Or that moment when you saw a girl, but were never able to approach her.

Do you remember?

Now start tracking where negative sensations appeared that made themselves felt (at this moment it may deteriorate slightly or a lump may appear in your chest). Ask yourself: “What is the reason for the negativity? What could happen (worst case scenario)?”

Until you figure out what exactly you were afraid of, you don’t move on to the next step..

Rethinking

Now your task is change your perception of the situation.

For example, you realized that you didn’t approach the girl because there were a lot of people around, and you were afraid that in their presence she would refuse to introduce you to you, and they would somehow think differently about you.

The difficulty is that for a positive rethink you need to find the right perspective for yourself. For example, you start THINK in the following way:

“If I approached her, why would she refuse me? Do I have problems with my appearance? Everything seems to be fine. I am a bad man? No! Why am I having difficulty with this process then? Are there any reasons why she might be interested in me?

And so you continue to think until you feel lightness and confidence in your abilities.

If you don’t shy away from negative emotions (and believe me, they will accompany you while doing this exercise), you will quickly be able to overcome the fear of communication, dating etc. To make it easier for you to control yourself, remember to breathe evenly and be lenient towards your mistakes.

Working with Perceptual Filters

So that you are not afraid of such a scary name, which is borrowed from NLP, I will try to describe this process in simpler language.

Imagine in your place a person who thinks completely normal meet a girl surrounded by a large number of people. To make it easier for you to feel his emotions and view of the situation, try to find those actions that for you are absolutely normal and natural.

This brave guy you pictured in your imagination thinks it’s absolutely normal to meet a girl in a public place. And in the same way as you consider normal, for example, brushing your teeth in the morning.

And now take a mental step into his state. Feel how you began to think and feel exactly the same as him. Having entered the role, it is necessary to consolidate the result in practice.

I think a good example would be a case from my experience that allowed me to make a significant leap in the development of my skills. Moreover, it is possible to perform the technique and at the same time meet a girl.

At the dawn of my practice...

When I was just starting to actively gain experience, I wondered: “ How to overcome your fear of dating?. And I came to the method that I described just above by accident. In general, my experience of overcoming fear became the idea for this article.

Before approaching the one I met, I decided to ask myself a few questions. At that time I didn’t yet know that I was working with perception filters, but intuitively I was already starting to do this.

The meaning of my work on the internal state was acceptance what I'm afraid of and changing the filters of perception. Moreover, I did it at the same time.

I realized that it was I who was afraid (in this case it was the fear that the girl would “send me away” in the presence of others) and mentally said to myself: “Yes, I’m afraid. But that doesn’t stop me from meeting a girl.” After I mentally said this to myself, I got rid of half of my fear. Simultaneously with the dialogue with the girl, I forced myself to believe that I was not at all afraid of meeting people “in public.” It was something akin to acting, only it was more aimed at internal work.

That time the girl refused to meet me, but despite this, I realized that I had found a good way to get rid of fear.

At that moment when I received a refusal and noticed the joyful glances of envious people around me (at that moment it seemed to me that this was exactly the case), I did not leave there. On the contrary, I stayed in the same place, forced myself to calm down, breathe evenly and sincerely believed that everything was fine with me. Frankly, at that moment it was very difficult.

You probably understand me, right?

But most of my subsequent acquaintances, thanks to this method, were successful. After about 2-3 months, my beliefs adjusted to external manifestations (which I controlled using this technique), and I finally got rid of fear. Although the main signs of fear began to disappear after a week of daily practice of this method.

Why is mental stimulation unnecessary?

In one of my articles, I already wrote about what does not bring the desired result.

Why do I stick to the conscious, calm release of fear? This is because overclocking takes you out of the normal state in which you find yourself every day.

Yes, this state allows you to get to know each other. But no development is happening! It is much more correct to be aware of your barriers and consciously change your attitude towards the process.

Yes, it's not that easy! But if you previously drank alcohol or used mental stimulation, then thanks to conscious work on fears, you will be able to meet girls without “doping.”

This is how one simple experiment led to the creation of a whole technique that helps overcome your fear of a girl. At its core, it is not new. But the fact that I described it in the most accessible language is guaranteed to bring you the desired result.

What helps you overcome your fear of meeting a girl? Write your answer in the comments.

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