Indecisive man. How to give him confidence if you dream of rapprochement? Diagnosis: indecisive man

Chronic self-doubt can destroy a person and prevent a person from experiencing the joy of victory. Psychology says that an indecisive man cannot make a career, is not able to win a woman's heart, in family life he serves as a burden for an enterprising and grasping wife.

Where does indecision come from - a character trait so unusual for male psychology. How can a woman help her chosen one overcome her shyness and become a real man? Why do psychologists recommend a woman to be weak? We will talk about this in our article.

Signs of an insecure man

An insecure man does not tend to be active. He is "hard to lift" and lazy. Often behaves like a child. Avoids disputes, hates competition in any form of its manifestation. The reason for this behavior is the banal fear of failure.

This prevents a man from succeeding in his career, which by itself does not increase his level of self-esteem. The psychology of an insecure man is such that he tries by all means to avoid an obvious conflict. Not too fond of change and new acquaintances. He is simply afraid to break the usual way of his well-established life.

Everything that requires overcoming obstacles and struggle is alien to him. He likes beautiful women, but he does not know how to meet them. He is in love, but he is afraid to make an offer - what if he refuses?!

An indecisive man is fixated on himself. Low self-esteem makes him delve into himself and feverishly look for the cause of his failures. This vicious circle is quite difficult to break without outside help and support from loved ones.

Indecisive man in family life

Often, an insecure man has an enterprising and courageous wife (however, where the poor should go, at least someone in the family should decide). The woman takes the reins of power into her hands, and the man dutifully yields. Often such a symbiosis is beneficial to both parties. A powerful woman receives unconditional submission, and an insecure man is spared the heavy burden of decision-making. But what if a woman does not want to put up with such an arrangement of figures?

Collecting anamnesis or why is it like this?

Of course, we all come from childhood. Family upbringing, the first successful or unsuccessful experience of making an independent decision, the first blow in the nose ... Get it, sign it, now it's all yours.

The relationship between mother and child determines the degree of self-confidence of the future man. For a child, the mother is the image of the world. If the mother accepts the child and gives him warmth and joy from the first days of life, then, having matured, the boy will take the feeling of security and comfort into adulthood.

An overly caring or domineering mother can cause a whole range of complexes and defensive behaviors that the wife will have to deal with.

How to raise a future man?

Mom loves the child just like that, dad - for something. The role of the father in shaping the character of the future man is difficult to overestimate. The image of a strong man who has the right to the last word should be imprinted in the mind of the boy. If a man does not enjoy authority in the family, it is difficult to expect that, having matured, the boy will adhere to a different strategy of behavior.

In the absence of a father, his role can be replaced by any male authority figure. A grandfather, an uncle, a teacher or a karate coach... someone is needed from whom the boy can take an example.

An insecure man is always jealous

Jealousy takes place in relation to two people who are not indifferent to each other. Another thing is uncontrollable jealousy. Scandals on every occasion and hundreds of baseless accusations. A self-confident man will not "roll up scandals over trifles." If something happens, he will turn around and leave. It will have to be forever.

Painful jealousy is the fear of betrayal, fueled by a violent fantasy, the roots of which are hidden in an inferiority and guilt complex. A strong man is also capable of jealousy, but reacts more adequately to this feeling. No one is immune from mistakes. The psychology of a self-confident person does not perceive failure so painfully. You need to be able to trust your partner.

What to do to make a man believe in himself?

The first and perhaps most important rule is love a man for who he is. Do not seek to remake him, but try to help him cope with difficulties.

Believe in a man. Try to show him that he is the best. Encourage any initiative on his part. Never criticize in front of other people. Praise more, especially in front of everyone.

Do not let a man sit on your head and live at your expense. He must learn to earn money. If a man has no money, he is not sure of himself. The exception is creative people. It is important to be able to distinguish a truly talented person from a deceiver and a lazy person.

Men's confidence is based on achievement. Teach a man to set realistic goals and achieve them. Start small. Remember, he is your support, and not vice versa.

Even if you are a strong and energetic woman by nature, try to be with him a weak girl who needs help and protection. Don't do for him what he can do for himself. Remember, you are two parts of a single whole.

Women's self-confidence directly depends on the harmony of family relationships. Learn to care for and respect those around you. To help loved ones, you must first help yourself to become a harmonious personality and a strong person.

An easy way to boost male self-esteem is to play sports. A visit to the gym will help a man get rid of the fear of competition and struggle. A good boost of testosterone will make any squishy man feel like a man.

Physical exercise will not only make the male body stronger and more attractive, but also give self-confidence to its owner.

If you're serious about helping your man gain confidence, be prepared to change yourself. Only a sincere and disinterested feeling can truly change a person, the name of which ...

An indecisive man often becomes the object of ridicule, condemnation and misunderstanding. An indecisive man is not to blame for his indecision. He's just not like most men.

Men suffer from indecision more than women, as the established stereotype prescribes a man to be active, proactive and decisive.

Indecision is the cause of many failures, disappointments and missed opportunities. This feature is more often manifested in relationships with people than in activities. It can manifest itself as a state, or it can become fixed and become a quality of personality. Often, the decisive do not understand and do not accept the indecisive, condemn them and even consider them inferior.

The most common causes of indecision

• increased anxiety caused by real life circumstances;
• domineering mother or symbiotic (very close, dependent) relationship with mother;
• secondary position in the father's family;
• experience of failure in a relationship or uncertainty in a relationship;
• type of temperament (melancholic or phlegmatic; while people of choleric or sanguine temperament may underestimate them and even consider them not quite adequate);
• "Hamlet" type of personality (a person thinks for a long time before acting, it is difficult for him to make a decision, the habit of thinking prevails in behavior, and not the desire for action);
• youthful maximalism, not outlived at an older age;
• lack of confirmation of one's own importance from other people;
• caution or incredulity.

Consequences of self-doubt

• unwillingness to take responsibility;
• low self-esteem;
• fear of being inappropriate;
• fear of failure.

All this can lead to other, more serious life problems.

What to do with an indecisive man

An indecisive man is not to blame for his indecision. Realizing this will help you decide to change your attitude towards yourself. And this is the first step towards changing your behavior and building new relationships with people around you.

Accept yourself the way you are. Many women like just such men. Even if someone doesn't like you, you have the right to be yourself.

Practice self-approval. Talk to yourself about your virtues more often, write down all the good things that others say about you.

Be reasonable in the judgments of others. Each of them sees you as he imagines you. In fact, you are not quite like that or not at all like that.

Communicate more often with people who accept you, support you, and believe in you.

Keep a diary of successes, achievements and good deeds, keep it regularly and look into it more often.

Take action. Acquire new skills and abilities, join a theater group, a confidence training group, go in for sports, do what you are good at. Look for people who understand and accept you. The English say: if you are lucky - continue, if you are not lucky - continue anyway.

Take care of yourself. Pamper yourself, think over the costume, pose, facial expression. Buy yourself small souvenirs and gifts. Treat yourself like a loved one.

Don't be afraid to be different: you don't have to live up to the preconceived notions of others around you. Change. Look for yourself.

Read humorous literature and laugh.

Get into psychology. You will learn a lot about yourself and learn to love yourself.

And most importantly, in order to change yourself, you must want to be different strongly enough. Draw several portraits (verbal or pictorial) of the stages of approaching this other self. Treat yourself as if you already have the desired qualities, note the cases when you manage to match the desired image.

Indecisive men are often afraid of both starting and developing relationships with women. It may seem to them that their chosen one is too beautiful, too smart, and simply divine, which is why she probably has so many fans. In such cases, the woman herself has to win the man she likes.

Timid men - why is this? Why are they so afraid of the women they love? Can we say that a man's shyness is a definite loss in fate and life?

Such indecisive boys

Despite all the masculinity, at the very beginning of a relationship or even before it), girls often ask themselves the question - “why are guys so indecisive”, taking risks is a common thing for them, and when it comes to starting to build relationships, all masculinity and determination go where then it will disappear. This applies to the moment when a guy wants a serious relationship, and not just find a girl for one night. We will deal with this issue in the framework of this article.

Why are guys so indecisive? By the look you can understand that he likes you, but calling to the cinema, or just taking a walk is an impossible task for him. Here the question again rests solely on male psychology, yes yes yes, this is another confirmation that girls and guys think completely differently.

First, you need to overcome the fear that strikes this indecision. Why? For a man (guy), there is nothing more humiliating and offensive than being rejected by a girl. Of course, there are alpha males with increased EGO, but fortunately there are only a few of them. Most men are afraid of being rejected. Of course, you can’t say this from the outside, but understand, deep down, in matters of personal life, they experience no less than ours.

Therefore, with especially beautiful girls, they behave very carefully, carefully, like wolves circling, gradually getting closer. You can wait a long time until he gathers his strength and decides to take this step, so if the guy is really nice to you, you should not wait for actions on his part, but take the whole situation into your own hands - offer to go somewhere yourself.

What? Do you think it's not for women? Should a man take the first step? Previously, of course, this was the case, but times have changed, and so that the peasant is not taken away, act on your own. I'm not saying at all that you should do everything yourself, and even take care of him, but give the first impetus - why not? You will show that he is not indifferent to you and you want more, and then determination, confidence will come to him and everything will be just super.

Why are guys so indecisive? In 94% of cases it is caused by loss. Yes, yes, yes, not only guys leave girls, it happens very much the other way around. And for a guy, it's a shame in triplets.

And one more reason for their indecision (again lies in psychology) - a real man is a wolf, a male. He considers a pretty girl as a future wife. This feeling wakes up somewhere after 22-23 years old, when you have already walked up and nature itself at the level of genetics openly says that it's time to start a family. This is where the hesitation kicks in. Fear not just of being abandoned or rejected, but of making the wrong choice.

Reasons for the indecision of guys

Let's try to understand what they are really afraid of:

• A man is afraid to get acquainted with a beautiful woman, because he thinks that she will upset him with a refusal. Refusal - blow below the belt. There can be a thousand such blows, so a man, if possible, protects himself as best he can.
• A man is afraid to hear that a woman has a spouse, or a boyfriend. He does not want to be "secondary". He loves to be the only one. Basically, like any woman.
• It seems to a man that a beautiful woman cannot like him, since she already has a lot of admirers.
• A man is afraid of "jokes" and jokes of a beautiful woman. If, in a joke, his weak points are hurt, his self-esteem slips lower and lower, approaching zero.
• A man is afraid of the beauty of a woman because he is afraid of falling in love. Fall in love unrequitedly! Unrequited love will cause him the wildest pain.
• A man is afraid of the beauty of a woman, because he believes that a beautiful woman is capable of quitting at any moment. And without explanation, even.
• A man is afraid to start a relationship with a beauty. Because the beauty will be popular with many men, and this will not delight.
• A man is afraid of the requests of a beautiful woman. It seems to him that he will not be able to give a beautiful lady what anyone else could give.
• Men have very low self-esteem. So they are looking for an “average” life partner, pretty, and not beautiful.
• Men are afraid of the one in which there is a lot of beauty, because next to her they will feel uncomfortable. Again, self esteem...
• It seems to a man that beautiful people do not know how to love. It seems to him that someone who is beautiful needs only profit. Hence the danger! So he is afraid of falling into a trap. He doesn’t understand, poor fellow, that you can’t run away from fate.
• A man believes that a beautiful woman cannot belong to one person. This stops, does not allow to take a decisive step, instills fear.

How to deal with an indecisive man

If you find that your chosen one is very indecisive, the first thing you should do is be patient. No need to be angry with him, put pressure on him, force things - all this can make a man disappear altogether or scare him so that he will no longer approach you. But at the same time, you should not be too soft and supple, expecting the first step from him yourself. Choose the golden mean and act calmly and carefully.

Try to increase the man's self-esteem. It is important to do this unobtrusively and without unnecessary flattery. It makes sense to ask him for a service that he can definitely provide, and admire the level of his knowledge and skill. Find out what a man can do best and take advantage of it. Let him feel skillful, strong, needed. When developing a relationship, do not forget to warm up the man’s interest in you and maintain his self-esteem.

In an extreme case, when time or patience is running out, you can put the person in front of an urgent choice and thereby force him to act quickly and decisively. For example, a woman who wants to achieve recognition can secretly say that she has been offered a job in another city and, if nothing holds her back, in a few days she will leave for good.

An indecisive man: steps to get closer to him

Show your chosen one that you are interested in him, show your sympathy. But remember that, unfortunately, indecisive men are very bad at understanding hints and often dismiss them, because they are afraid that in fact they are only being played with. Communicate in a friendly and welcoming manner, show special interest, but do not push too hard. Gradually, a man will be convinced that he means more to you than other people.

Try to flirt a little. Light coquetry, touches at the level of friendly touches, words spoken in a whisper in the ear, a direct eye-to-eye enticing look - these are all standard tricks that men tend to interpret automatically. You don’t need to seem available to him - just gently show that he can behave more boldly and move on to closer communication.

If the opportunity presents itself to start a natural heart-to-heart conversation, do it. Share your feelings and doubts, trust - let the man see how vulnerable you are, let him understand that you may need protection and care. This will help him open up in response and even encourage him to want to take you under his wing.

There is no women's community in which the problems of "grinding" modern men would not be discussed. Men, they say, have become passive, timid and indecisive. Let's try to figure out why men are indecisive in relation to a woman.

What kind of men are indecisive

Psychologists advise avoiding the words "everything", "always", "no one" and "never". The world is not black and white, it is full of colors and halftones. So to say that supposedly all men are indecisive would be wrong. Therefore, we will focus on some types of indecisive men.

Recently divorced. Such a man might not have healed his injuries yet. Men only outwardly look calm after a divorce, in fact they are very worried about failures in relation to a woman. Some men immediately rush headlong into new novels in order to forget after a divorce. Others may survive for several years. And all the while, they eschew long-term relationships with women. The most interesting thing is that the second type of post-divorce stress experiences is considered the most correct in terms of psychology. That is, a man needs time to recover from the injuries received from a divorce from his ex-wife. Sissy. Mommy's sons often do not want to start a family until old age. They are so attached to the soul of the mother that no woman can compete with her. Marriage or a relationship with a woman for them is a step into adulthood for which they are not ready. Usually they have increased obligations towards their mother, which they themselves come up with. Even if your romance with such a man begins, you will always be alone on holidays, he will try to go on vacation with his mother, and not with you. And besides, you will be constantly attacked by him for not being able to cook, wash and housekeeping as well as his mother. Disinterested man. Sometimes a man’s lack of courage in relation to you only says that he is not interested in you. Not always men can be frank with a woman in this matter. Showing delicacy, they can slightly react to your initiatives and flirt. But as soon as you show more courage, they retreat and can even “send” you extremely harshly. In order not to get into such an ambiguous and unpleasant situation, try to find out what kind of women he likes and see if they are similar to you in appearance or character. To do this, it may be enough just to analyze the ladies with whom he had a long and good relationship before.

With what women indecisive men

If you are tormented by the question of why a man is indecisive in relation to a woman, take a closer look at the woman herself. There are several types of women that turn most men off. And if such women want men to stop being afraid of them, they must first of all work on themselves, and not engage in debates with their friends about the fact that all modern men are bastards. Consider just a few types of women that men are afraid of.

True perfection. Scientists have calculated that the level of stress that a man experiences when a woman refuses is much higher if he is refused by a beautiful woman than if he is refused by a woman of average appearance. This applies to any kind of social status. The more perfect a woman is in some capacity, the more courage men need to approach her. Not only the first beauty, but also the first smart girl or the first rich woman "in the countryside" can scare away most men. That is why it is easier for a man to decide on an affair with your less attractive and successful girlfriend than with you. To stop scaring off men, a woman needs to master such behavioral methods that show that she is not perfect in some way. It makes sense for a beauty to appear in public in a careless way, and it’s not a sin for a smart girl to pretend to be a fool. A rich woman can, naively batting her eyes, ask a man to pay for himself in cafes and cinemas. This will allow him to relax a little and look at you in a completely new way. Lady boss. Men don't like dominant women. Our society is still quite patriarchal, so for the most part, men still like modest, quiet, submissive ladies. If a woman has achieved a high status in her career or society, it can be difficult for her to switch to the role of a poor Cinderella after work. She begins to compete with men for power and the superiority of her own opinion, as a result, they run from her like fire. If you find yourself bossy in relationships with men, learn to tell yourself: "Stop." Know how to be gentle, feminine with a man, and you yourself will not notice how so many of them will appear around you that you can even choose. Feminist. This type of women is even scarier than careerists. They can stay at home and raise children, and promote the ideas of feminism at the level of communication with people. But more often, feminists have a fairly high degree of financial freedom, which they earn themselves or receive along with inheritance or parental support. A man in their understanding is just a male donor who gives sperm to conceive a child. Such a woman can hammer a nail, get money, give birth and raise children herself. Some men like this type of woman: they can relax with them and lie in front of the TV all evening long, lazily listening to her moralizing. Most male feminists avoid like fire. Women who believe that all men are bastards. Women who hate men and do not trust them themselves scare them away with such behavior. They can wait for the prince on a white horse, while sweeping aside all less worthy applicants. High expectations, combined with malevolence, scare men away, and they do the right thing by avoiding such women. After all, such an extremely unfriendly and hostile attitude towards the other sex is a sign of serious psychological problems that can turn any relationship into a real hell. Further...

Every woman wants a man with an inner core. Morally strong, purposeful, a leader in the family and business, a real tiger! Well, what can a notorious and insecure mumbling nerd give? Never mind!

But we will rate later, when we try to look into the soul of such a modest person. And looking in, we will determine how to behave with this shy girl with a blush of embarrassment on her cheeks? Can it be moved at all?

How to understand his inner world

Have you ever had to wash a crystal vase with the thinnest walls? Very hard and dangerous work. One careless move and the vase is shattered. It is almost impossible to clean it from the inside. Yes, and the cut is scary to touch - you can damage it. But the vase is terribly expensive.

It's the same with the soul of a humble silent man. Do not climb inside, do not touch its weak points, and you can break it with careless handling in an instant. She is very thin, despite the outward bearish reclusiveness of her master.

All indecisive silent people are introverts. It is difficult for such a guy to contact people, he is closed and prefers to live in his own little world. He leaves all his doubts and worries to himself, well, in extreme cases, he will tell about them to his closest friend or person whom he trusts.

What such a person does not tolerate:

• noisy parties with killer pandemonium;
• work in a large team with hassle;
• intrusion into his personal space and soul.

No, he does not look like a lone Neanderthal from a cave. He just likes to spend holidays in a narrow circle of close people. And he needs maximum concentration to work. And he also has a clear boundary between strangers and his people, and he does not like it when it is violated.

Most often, such people are divided into two psychotypes:

Phlegmatic: very balanced, patient and taciturn. No, he is not a mean beech, he just rather likes to listen to his counterpart and in his mind draw conclusions about him and the situation as a whole. In general, phlegmatic people are pleasant and friendly people - they can be trusted, and they know how to keep secrets.

Melancholic: it is more difficult to communicate with him. His vulnerable soul painfully endures any criticism from a stranger. He, unlike the phlegmatic, practically does not understand jokes. Even because of a harmless witticism, a melancholic will go looking for a dark corner to cry there alone.

In general, this is the most basic thing you need to know about shy humble people. And now we will think about how, when communicating with such a person, we do not accidentally break his soul vase. Especially if you liked him, or you feel that he is in love with you.

Attitude towards women and getting to know them

Such men avoid nightclubs, discos and do not attend noisy parties. But the one who is already ripe for creating a family will look for his woman either on the Internet or hope for a casual acquaintance.

Matchmaking is not for him, as this is a difficult test: realizing that such a gathering is not accidental, the modest will be ready to burn with shame:

He will blush like a beet at any uncomfortable question.

It will be difficult for him to communicate at ease and without nervousness.

Indecision will be noticeable in everything, because this is not the bride's bride, but himself. It is a pity that it is impossible for him to fall through the earth at this time, but he would like to!

If there is a desire to meet such a guy, then let it be supposedly by chance. Well, a friend ran into her sister, or an unmarried girl was invited to the company, because she had no one to celebrate the holiday with.

And if such a modest guy will look for a girl for himself, then he will definitely be the same as himself. Bitches, gulens and hysterics are swept aside immediately. The guy, although he feels his inferiority complex behind him, is not going to complicate his life.

The article contains a video from the film "Where is the Nofelet". This story clearly shows the type of men who like shy simple girls.

How to communicate with such

Do not try to figure out the modest at the first communication or date. In general, you may have the feeling that you are communicating with some kind of abnormal outcast: like an adult man, but he is so afraid of girls.

The fact is that the modest really eschews visual contacts. Perhaps its complexity is hidden in some external data:

• he is too thin or, conversely, very full;
• he has speech defects that are noticeable when talking;
• he is not as handsome as he would like.

But with all this, he is not prone to self-criticism. Women also have this fad, as in the article in the story about Natalya.

But there are also internal complexes:

He experienced mental trauma in his childhood: a bad family, the fight against poverty, bullying of teenagers.

He is not as successful, lucky and rich as his peers, no matter how much he strives for this.

He was once unlucky in love: once upon a time a girl laughed at his feelings.

Well, now about the essence: how a modest person behaves when talking with a woman and what rules should be followed:

Never ask a modest person about his personal life if you barely know him. There is a border where he will not let you in. He will either close in on himself, or he will answer vaguely and briefly.

Don't you dare stare at him from head to toe. This look he regards as execution. He is embarrassed, he twitches and will look for a reason to leave. It is enough to casually look into his eyes in a conversation.

Be careful with humor - this can be his weak point. Since vulnerability is in the blood of a modest person, he can take your jokes, even about another person, at his own expense. Even a joke about a kolobok will offend him if the guy is overweight.

Never try to argue with him and be rude. He cannot respond with rudeness to rudeness - he becomes isolated, embarrassed, lost, feels guilty. If his indecisiveness infuriates you, then why are you talking to him at all? This is not the hero of your novel.

Indeed, a timid and unsociable modest is always only for lovers. But he also has the right to choose his lady of the heart. He will find her when he is interested in even being silent next to her. But if you desperately need such a guy, then this article will help you. Change yourself for him.

Chatting in Internet

This option for a shy guy is the best, but only in correspondence, and not on video. Here it can be revealed somehow:

• he is not fired upon with a piercing glance;
• he can leave the company at any time;
• no one sees how he blushes and is embarrassed;
• he may not answer uncomfortable questions;
• he can express his thoughts in emoticons.

It is at the sight of a girl that he becomes shy, but here he is an invisible man. Even if you sit naked at the monitor, there is nothing to be ashamed of. But at a meeting, he can again become clamped. And so it will continue until he passes you through his invisible border.

If he likes you

But until he let you into his circle of trust, he will be stone, even if he is in love with you. Yes, you can only guess about it by his strange behavior, or someone will tell you that in your presence the guy is changing. The same redness on the cheeks, the same trembling in the voice. He can even clumsily demonstrate his indifference to you. But this is not so, he just feels both fear and love for you at the same time.

Only a big request - do not cripple his soul even more, whether you like him or not. He himself probably does not even dream of a relationship with you, your flight is too high. But in any case, be extremely polite and tactful with such a guy. Let him count on at least a sweet friendship with you.

Finally, an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would be able to get any man and have an ideal relationship and would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem.

Who said it's impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a PhD in Psychology, and her methodology has helped many girls to have perfect relationships and feel loved.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for our website visitors.