Why a married man stops calling his mistress. A married lover does not write, does not call, does not make appointments

You are not a spouse, and therefore you are not used to an indifferent attitude. Many mistresses think that they will always be shrouded in care and attention, because their task is to give joy and comfort. But monotonous leisure is not always attractive, and a man can delete your number from the phone book without regrets. What to do if the lover does not call or write, but the heart still wants to be with the beloved?

To strengthen relations with a lover, it is necessary to maintain the line between a girl who is inaccessible and who agrees to everything. Source: Flickr (Greta_Tu)

Why did the lover grow cold

Loyalty is quite rare. No matter how exemplary a family man a man seemed, he at least once thought about treason. In the heat of a quarrel, at a moment of cooling or misunderstanding, a man desperately needs a reliable support, a cozy haven where he can pour out his feelings and meet the desired sincerity.

But these are all problems of marriage. How then does discord appear in the relationship between lovers, and what to do if the lover has cooled off? First of all, the routine is to blame. For a man, relationships outside of marriage are a source of thrill. He wants to get completely new emotions from his mistress. Secondly, a man tired of his wife's character wants to communicate with an unpredictable person for him, so a mistress with his wife's habits will soon tire him. Thirdly, this is an opportunity to become a hero for someone, a desired man.

It is interesting! You can not take the beautiful deeds of a lover as something for granted.

The mistress should thank for each gift, as for the first time, and demonstrate admiration in every possible way, but you should not go too far either. To strengthen relations with a lover, it is necessary to maintain the line between a girl who is inaccessible and who agrees to everything.

Does not call or write: how to fix the situation

World statistics says that among married men, almost 76% have cheated on their wives at least once. However, very few husbands leave their families for their mistresses. The first reason why the lover has cooled off is that perhaps his wife found out about your connection and delivered an ultimatum. Or he noticed warning signs in her behavior and decided not to risk it anymore.

If a lover does not call for three days, then it is likely that relatives unexpectedly came to him, a child fell ill, or friends were suddenly invited to the dacha. The reasons for this silence are myriad, so do not torment yourself. Remind yourself often that you became a mistress in order to have personal space. So take care of yourself until he writes to meet the chosen one renewed and beautiful.

So, what to do if the lover stopped calling:

• Don't throw tantrums. Under no circumstances threaten if the lover does not call for a long time. With such behavior, you will definitely scare him away forever, and even if you return, then the relationship will never be the same. A man will see you as a threat, and will try to get rid of your society as quickly and accurately as possible.
• Don't push. By flooding him with messages and calls, you will only achieve irritation. He will turn off the phone or change the number, and at a meeting he will pretend that he does not know you. If you get through, you will hear screams and only get upset.
• Don't be discouraged. If your paths with your lover constantly intersect (mutual friends, work, you are neighbors) try to look cheerful and carefree. Do not show that his departure upset you. Let him know that your well-being does not depend on his presence, flirt with others and smile. He will definitely try to find out the reason for your happiness. Then you can admit that you are a little upset, and the memories of your relationship are valuable, but life does not end.

Note! The independence of a woman attracts a man the most.

• Don't be very cold. Men, of course, are conquerors, but they will not storm one fortress for a long time. You know your man, his character and endurance, so you yourself have to calculate how much to play the touchy. The main thing is not to push him away with your coldness and not to anger him.
• Don't give up. If the lover does not call, and you want to clarify everything, arrange a meeting on neutral territory in a calm atmosphere. Come to the meeting beautiful, but not depraved. Order a coffee and smile pleasantly without hiding the sadness in your eyes. Say that you understand everything and it is a pity that you did not meet under other circumstances. This tactic will help if you make the mistake of insulting him. There is a high probability that when he sees you vulnerable and meek, the man will once again consider his decision.
• Don't drift away. If in a general company you notice that a lover does not show irritation, but, on the contrary, lowers his eyes guiltily, you can always accidentally get too close so that, breathing in the smell of your perfume, memories flood over him. Perhaps he does not call under the influence of some circumstances, and you are not even to blame. The lover will suppress feelings, but unobtrusive closeness will prevent this.
• Don't show resentment. If you have mutual friends who are aware of the situation, do not show them your displeasure. Try to talk about how secure your relationship was, and you do not know how to survive the silence of a lover.
• Do not open all cards. Creating intrigue is a great way to interest a man. You told mutual friends that you experienced an unpleasant loss, but very soon something will happen that distracts you. You buy new outfits, change your hairstyle, wear new jewelry, but you don’t admit where and why all these changes come from. Be sure that the desire to know your secret will captivate the lover.

As practice shows, if a lover disappeared without explanation, then he just lost interest and does not want to continue the relationship.

If a man stops calling his beloved, then there must be reasons for this. Perhaps she has ceased to interest him. In any case, you first need to understand the situation, and only then draw certain conclusions and think about what to do next.

Very often, women have to deal with a situation where a lover suddenly stops calling. However, the reasons for this behavior can only be guessed at.

This can happen in every couple and without any apparent reason. The woman feels hurt by this. Most of the time, she doesn't even know what to do. Psychologists assure that there are no hopeless situations, and first you need to understand the problem, find out the real reasons for this partner's behavior, and only then make any decision.

Most often, this behavior can be explained by a serious offense. You need to try to remember if there was such a situation that could hurt the lover with something. Perhaps the woman spoke incorrectly in his direction or in the direction of his friends, acquaintances. If this actually happened, you can call the man and talk to him frankly. At the same time, you must definitely ask for forgiveness if the woman is actually to blame.

To find out the real reasons why a lover stopped calling, you can use the help of mutual friends. You should ask them to talk to the man and ask what caused this inexplicable behavior. But this can only be trusted to the person to whom the woman has confidence.

If a woman does not want to take the first step, she can create a situation in which a meeting with her lover will be inevitable. For example, you can attend the event that the man was going to, go to visit mutual friends, or just meet him on the street. At the same time, you should not tell him that the meeting was pre-planned. Let the man think that it happened quite by accident. Left alone, you can directly ask him about the reasons for this behavior. Perhaps something happened to him and circumstances appeared that did not allow him to seek meetings with his beloved. If the reason turns out to be valid, you should not make scandals and make any claims to your lover and reproach him for inattention. You just need to tell him about your feelings and worries. You also need to try to convey to him that in the future such situations should not be repeated. People who love each other must constantly be in touch and cannot be separated for a long time.

If the lover is not free, you need to understand that such situations will be repeated in the future. In this case, a woman needs to either come to terms with the situation, or stop communicating with such a man, since in such an attitude these relationships will only bring suffering.

If the reason lies in the man himself, the woman needs to act more carefully. Such behavior may also mean that he no longer wants to meet his beloved and would like to part with her, but he himself cannot tell her this. Unfortunately, these situations are quite common. A woman needs to feel such a change in the mood of her lover and step aside for a while. Psychologists say that it is quite simple to do this. Such a change of mood does not happen suddenly. Surely, the man had been behaving strangely for a long time, refusing to meet with his beloved. It is quite natural that if a woman does not understand such transparent hints, at some point he stops calling her. In this situation, showdowns or scandals will not lead to anything good. A woman just needs to wait out the moment. Perhaps her man will get lonely without her and he will want to call her. If he does not do this, then nothing can be done in this case. You can't force someone to love themselves. Perhaps the woman should have behaved less intrusively before. But waiting for time does not mean at all that you need to sit at home and wait for your lover to call. You need to do your own thing, spend more time on your hobby. If a woman is married, then in no case should she demonstrate her feelings to loved ones. It should be remembered that a cheerful, self-confident representative of the fair sex attracts men. If a woman and her lover have common acquaintances, they will definitely inform her lover that she is doing well, that she looks good. Hearing about this, the man will definitely want to call her. If mutual acquaintances, on the contrary, will talk about how she suffers and sits at home all day, waiting for a call, this will not lead to anything good. Surely, the lover will want to completely forget his former passion. It should be remembered that in any situation you need to think about yourself first. Do not lose your dignity under any circumstances. As a rule, this does not help solve the problem, but only complicates the situation. Even if a woman achieves that her lover resumes meeting with her, a heavy residue remains in her soul.

Sometimes it also happens that a man stops calling just because he lost his mistress's phone number, or lost his own telephone set with all his contacts. Such an absurd situation can destroy relationships if young people have not yet had time to get to know each other well.

If the lover does not call, you need to find out the reason, and only then think about how to solve this problem. Perhaps the woman does not need to do anything, since the man is not interested in continuing the relationship. Excessive obsession will only aggravate the situation.

One hassle with these married lovers! Either he swears love and devotion, then he gets you jealous, then he suddenly becomes cold and indifferent, then he disappears from sight altogether. Doesn't call or text at all!

And it’s impossible to find out the reasons for his absence - his wife is next to him, it’s dangerous. How to understand his strange behavior if he suddenly became invisible to you?

If his wife took control

Do some mistresses really not understand the seriousness of a man's family life? His wife, like most women, has intuition, and if her wife puts her somewhere in the wrong place, she feels it.

Men are not sheep either, and when a wife tries to convict her unfaithful of something, he also feels it. Everything stops - calls, secret correspondence, dates, because the man was pinned down, and he is trying to become an exemplary family man.

The wife is messing around:

Looks at all calls and messages in his phone.

Follows the movement of the spouse - where he was, at what time and how soon he returns home.

For a while, the "shop" will be closed. It all depends on the trust of lovers and the patience of the passion of the unfaithful spouse. He may be able to find one minute to call his mistress and say in the voice of a conspirator that at the time of their meeting and communication should be stopped, and he will explain everything as far as possible.

As a rule, the vigilance of the wife soon subsides if the husband behaves decently. Only later, at a new meeting, can he really explain everything to his mistress. Of course, he will lie a little to her - they say that the children were sick, he was busy at work and the like. Well, he must show himself to be a man, and not henpecked.

If there is a serious problem

Sometimes it happens like this - life goes on an even path, and then something changes dramatically: illness or the departure of loved ones to another world, trouble at work, the collapse of everything. It's not about personal life.

It would seem that only yesterday you had sex with your lover, and today he drops your calls and doesn’t even write anything. There is no need to panic and constantly ring him up - if during the dates there was not even a hint of parting, then something is wrong here.

Wait time. Just track his actions and learn about him:

• go to social networks - does he appear there?
• Ask your mutual friends if something happened?
• expect a call - perhaps he is just making time for him.

If you found out about some grandiose changes in his life that knocked him down, then do not interfere with him yet. He is not up to you. In such an unpleasant situation, you can only anger him with your flickering.

If he lost interest in you

Yes, it happens. What makes you think that you are his half? He may have liked sex with you, it was nice to communicate, but it's over. He didn’t build plans for you, but he couldn’t say it in the forehead - he was afraid to offend or lose enchanting sex.

How to understand that his passion for you is fading:

• he calls you on a date less and less, referring to employment;
• he answers your calls with few words, trying to end the conversation;
• he stops calling and writing himself - he simply ignores.

He may have found a replacement for you. You understand for yourself that there is nothing to your fault - you did not try to steal him from the family and marry him to yourself, you just silently always waited and endured. And he got bored with your inertia, so he decided to exchange you for a new “tolerant” for love relationships in order to renew his feelings - there was not enough sharpness.

Well, if that's the case, then you can tickle his nerves. In the article you will read how you can wipe the nose of this traitor-tempter. Just make sure first that he is really tired of you, and there are no other reasons for his silence.

If you become too dangerous for him

There are mistresses who do not want to come to terms with their low status. "Get someone else's man by all means!" - this is the motto of such stickies, even if there was a light, short-term affair with him. A married man quickly understands what he has gotten himself into and tries to make his legs out of such a sweetheart, not knowing where to put himself from her persecution.

But the mistress has her own plans:

She either threatens or sobs asks her lover to give her maximum attention, love and tenderness.

She does everything to ensure that his legal wife finds out about the betrayal, so she talks about her connection to all her friends.

She calls him at work, then home in the middle of the night, then cries, then threatens suicide, behaving like a maniac.

Such fangirl really creates a dangerous problem. Measures are needed against her, and the man takes them:

He blacklists it everywhere - on the phone, on social networks, and even in his thoughts.

Repeatedly invites her to leave in an amicable way and even begins to threaten with hints.

He explains to his wife that he is being attacked by some bitchy fanatic with whom he had nothing.

If you belong to this type of mistress, then you are unpleasant to almost all men. Even bachelors run away from such girls - they don’t like Velcro. You need to learn to respect yourself in order to find your soul mate, and not grab on to other people's men.

Reconsider your attitude towards yourself and towards men. The article should help you. That's when you marry a free man, you will understand how terrible it is that some bitch is trying to undermine your family microclimate with her calls and messages. And then let your husband prove that he is not a camel.

If he tries to re-educate you

There is such a type of men - he sits his beloved in front of him and says that he breaks off any relationship with her, and let her guess what the problem is. And then disappears. A kind of psychological sadism.

No, he does not interrupt communication with her and does not blacklist her. But he continues his tyranny, humiliating his mistress with ridiculous guesses. Such men resemble a naive schoolgirl who was offended by a guy, and he must guess why she is sitting puffed up.

As a rule, there are a lot of troubles with such a man:

He is selfish. You can read about such men in the article.

He loves only himself. Wife, mistress, friends - all this is a disrespectful retinue for His Majesty, nothing more.

It’s easier to stop meeting with such a person than to play riddles and riddles all your life. Even if the mistress manages to unravel his bzik, it is not a fact that he will immediately forgive and run to her in bed. He will give her time to correct, and then he will personally check whether she really became a good girl for him.

Don't lie to yourself

Some women try to justify their married lovers for a long silence: they say that the phone lost or changed the SIM card, his social network page was hacked, and so on. It’s a pity for such poor people, because now there are not the technologies to manage to lose each other.

A truly in love man will get his adored woman out of the ground, if necessary, even without any telephones and the Internet. Therefore, if nothing catastrophic happened in his life, then the lover's silence is most likely the first bell to part.

Take it for granted - it means that love on his part is no longer the same, passion is not raging, and he doesn’t need you anymore. But even here there are pluses: from the moment of his silence, the time for weaning began. You don’t have to sort things out with him, twitch from window to door waiting for him, the dots over the “i” seem to be placed.

It's a shame this understatement, of course, but it's easier. It is worse when they specifically throw you, saying nasty things in your face.

Finally, an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any relationship problems at all.

Who said it's impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her methodology has helped many girls feel loved and receive gifts, attention and care.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for our website visitors.

Good afternoon. The situation is this. Two years ago, I began a correspondence with a stranger. I did not know his name and did not see the photo, but nevertheless we communicated well. The topics for discussion were different. This went on for exactly a year, when he offered to show himself. After we met and for a year we have been lovers. He has a family, I have no one but children. I fell in love with him very much and he knows it. We rarely meet, but the correspondence is constant. Recently, we often swear, take offense at each other. I demand more attention and care from him, he says that he cannot give me this. Although he wants to keep in touch with me, he wants to see me. He constantly demands some kind of truth from me, says that I should change, change my attitude towards him - although I run like a dog at his first call, make different romances, give gifts, but in return I get nothing but sex. This greatly torments me. I'm desperate.

I tried to part with him, for two weeks I did not answer his SMS and calls. But he himself came to me at work and everything started again. I have very strong feelings for him, and he says that he is very attached to me, even jealous. I'm not going to take him away from the family, I don't need it. But I want to be with him. I don’t know what to do to prove to him that he is no worse than his wife and also worthy of attention and care. Can you tell me what to do in this situation? I tormented myself with thoughts....

Hello Irina.

Let's try to briefly describe the situation.
You are in love with a married man. Want more attention from him. You don't want to leave your family. He is attached to you, he is not ready to give as much attention as you need. Ready to have sex. He speaks directly about this. You, however, do not seem to believe him and continue to demand the attention and care that he has already refused to give you. He, for his part, is not satisfied with your attitude towards himself.

I don’t know what to do to prove to him that he is no worse than his wife and also worthy of attention and care.

Try to answer yourself the question, how do you understand that he considers you worse than his wife, what will change, why do you think that he considers you unworthy of attention and care? Because it does not give this attention? There could be many other explanations for this. For example, he cannot, does not want, has no strength and opportunity to give it to two women, and he chooses to give attention only to his wife. This does not mean that you are not worthy of attention. This suggests that it is this man who chooses not to take care of you, or for some other reason makes a choice: not to give you as much attention as you need.
It may be that you yourself, deep down, are not very sure that you are worthy of being the only one, worthy of love, care and attention. Then by trying to prove something to him, are you really proving to yourself?
What do you feel when you think about it? Are you ready to continue the relationship without getting something important for you in them? If yes, if you're getting something else that's more important than attention, that's a perfectly understandable choice... But if not, then what makes you stay in a relationship that isn't right for you?

I tried to part with him, for two weeks I did not answer his SMS and calls. but he himself came to my work and everything started again.

Do you want to leave or not? It's just that if you made a decision, and this is your conscious choice, then a visit to work is usually not enough for a reunion ...
You may need professional help to sort yourself out.
If necessary, please contact me for a consultation. I will be glad to help you.

Sincerely, psychologist,
Makarova Lola.

Question to a psychologist

I've been dating a man for a little over a month. he is my married lover. My monthly rent from him is 100 thousand rubles. But our meetings are rare and he needs very little sex, almost no need at all (he himself says that he has a low libido). However, lately I feel that he is somehow consciously dynamite me. With what to connect it, I do not know. He says he’s afraid to sleep at home, but he used to call me in the evenings, and now he hardly even answers the mail. We have some common creativity with him, so once he set aside a whole night to discuss the details, and now he does not check the mail, where I sent him several finished works on this topic. I know that the very idea of ​​this is very interesting to him. He says that he is busy a lot, but is it really so difficult to call for 5 minutes on the way home? All this confuses me somehow .. either he is really busy and this is normal for him, or he is draining me slowly. We meet every 5 days or so. Advise how to be. I do not want to lose my wonderful lover, who, moreover, I like as a man. It is also important to point out that he is a slightly strange creative person... Maybe he is playing some strange game with me in this way?

Hello Alena! You initially accepted the ROLE of a mistress - and this is a dead end relationship - a relationship in which there is NO responsibility, obligation! and HE builds relationships AS IT IS convenient for him - after all, you agreed to this secondary ROLE - and YOU can NOT do anything to keep him - because you can NOT make him feel WHAT YOU need! note for yourself - what is NORMAL FOR HIM - to cheat on his wife - to have a mistress, to support her! this is his relationship with you! and YOU accepted it - showed that you are ready to accept SUCH attitude towards yourself! like a mistress! and HE does AS HE needs! and if something does NOT suit YOU, THEN YOU SHOULD act, and DO NOT wait for changes FROM him! What do you expect from a relationship? why do you need them? what's next? What does he WANT? why is it HIM? talk to him and immediately put everything in its place! and you will make your own choice - either consciously accept the role of a mistress (and a kept woman) and show him that you accept such an attitude towards yourself OR get on your own feet and look for THAT partner who will have the same goals and plans in life as YOU ! and for YOU the most NORMAL to be a mistress?

Good answer 0 bad answer 2

Alena, a mistress is made to be a holiday, a muse, an inspiration. You are generously paid for this role, and this suggests that you are a good lover. So be it.

Don't be jealous, don't bother with calls, be easy, interesting, sexy... friend, woman, creative partner. And no more. These are the basic rules of the game. If you are an interesting person, and he really feels good with you, he will not disappear anywhere, do not worry. But what a married man certainly does not need is problems with a mistress of the same circle as with his wife :)