Women's behavior patterns. What kind of men do we attract? Correct behavior of a woman towards a man

Greetings, friends! Today I have prepared a short article about what should be the wise, correct behavior of a woman in a relationship, in my opinion. I decided that I haven’t written an article on this topic for a long time (almost a month), and now seems to be the time to do it. Read on! 🙂

I hear and read a lot about how a woman should behave with a man. Honestly, it's already tired! And most of all, I'm tired of the fact that the lion's share of advice does not pass the test of practice, although it sounds great in theory, well, or so it seems to us. That is why I recommend that you never follow any competent recommendations from gurus that guarantee you and your descendants in the female line happiness in your personal life.

Think, analyze and, of course, check. I fell for this trap: I wanted to be the best, and I listened to everything. But very often the tips do not work and bring absolutely nothing. Or even deterioration of relations.

Let's take a closer look today at what a woman's behavior in a relationship with a man can be. Let's analyze the three main positions, roles that a woman can take.

1. active position. In this position, a woman burns in relation to a man. She believes that he is the best, destined for her by fate, and in general the very best. A woman tries to be complaisant, good, in every possible way to please and show attention. Some of this happens unconsciously. Those ladies who are very pleased with their companion can become in such a position 🙂 But this is a trap, and such a role will not lead to anything good, since a man will eventually get tired of being the center of attention.
   He feels that not only are you conquered, but you practically idolize him. This gradually kills his interest in you. Unconsciously. Over time, a man becomes more withdrawn, rude and far from being as good as he seemed to you a little earlier. And now another role.
2. passive position. The passive position is completely opposite to the active one, but not in actions and words, but in their content. woman in passive role considers a man not so good, mediocre, perhaps unworthy of her. She is cold towards him. In the first case, the woman is overly involved in the process, and in the second, she is removed from it. She is not interested in somehow charming a man and trying for him. In turn, a man may try to win favor at first, but very quickly abandons this idea. It is unpleasant for him that his woman is cold and in every possible way shows him her indifference, dislike. Disappointed in your relationship and after a while putting an end to them, as it seemed to him, you did, he also begins to behave detached, uninvolved, cold.

Note that both the first and second positions lead to approximately the same result: cooling of relations, mutual removal and resentment. Both of these positions are unprofitable, and relations with them can hardly be called harmonious, joyful, happy.

The behavior of a woman in a relationship should be different. To do this, there is a third position, which I try to adhere to and which I strongly recommend that you also adhere to. And that's why.

contemplative position. It can also be called a position of focus on oneself. Have you noticed that in the first two roles, attention is focused on the man, and not on yourself? In this is main mistake. You need to focus on your life, your interests and affairs. Participate in relationships, but at the same time be in the role of an observer, a contemplator. You should watch the relationship as if from the outside. This way you will avoid being both in love and not in love, both of which are not good for the relationship.

Change the angle from the man to yourself. There are a lot of men - and you are alone 🙂 Even if you are with the very best or, on the contrary, it is not at all clear which side the man turned out to be - shift the focus from him and direct the energy to yourself. Her excess in relationships spoils them, regardless of the polarity: plus or minus in relation to a man.

I hope I was able to convey my idea to you! I will be pleased if you agree with me. You feel like I'm right

Often we do not think about our behavior and set priorities incorrectly, and many problems come from this. When you love yourself, take care of yourself and develop, you become very captivating for your man. Unnecessarily plunging into relationships and concentrating on a satellite, you no longer have either time or energy for yourself.

Enjoy relationships as if from the outside, bring more lightness and relaxation into them. And this is possible only in a contemplative position.

I wish you to enjoy life, relationships, take care of yourself more and love yourself! It's never enough 🙂

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"Caring". They get married at the age of twenty or even earlier and at this time they are not going to go beyond the role of a housewife. They fail to solve the tasks that a person faces at this age: gaining autonomy and independence, forming an identity, a holistic image of the “I”, combining various elements of personality. A woman can tear herself away from her parents, from parental family, but still cannot become independent and independent: parental functions (economic and control) are taken over by the husband.

There are several possibilities for pathological identification in this developmental model. B. Fridan (Fridan, 1992) identifies the following: through the husband and his achievements, children, sex, hoarding.

When identified through her husband, a woman is threatened with the loss of her own individuality. Status is acquired through the achievements of the husband and the possession of things that are symbols of this status. Another possibility of identification is to become a mother. The birth of a child gives meaning to existence, serves as "proof" female essence. Therefore, many non-working women continue to give birth again and again, not knowing what to do with themselves. Then, when the children grow up and leave the house, the solution to the problem of finding oneself and the meaning of life will be even more difficult. Sex can be a cure for boredom and everyday life, but it cannot be a full-fledged means of self-identification. Trying to establish herself through sex and not finding satisfaction in it, the housewife falls into a vicious circle. Often this leads to the search for pleasure on the side and escape into the world of sexual dreams. American psychologists say that housewives are more prone to cheating than working women.

Marriage is often an attempt to test one's own identity with the help of another person. According to statistics, youthful marriages do not last as long as those who marry after twenty. E. Erickson sees in this fact proof that it is impossible to achieve intimacy by striving for identity in this way (Hjell, Ziegler, 1997).

The crisis of the thirtieth birthday, when most women go through a situation of re-election, finds a woman with such a model of behavior completely unprepared and vulnerable to the blows of fate: she is deprived of independence, passive, economically dependent, has no education, no profession, her identity is uncertain, i.e., her previous identity has not been resolved. development task. Waiting for the opportunity to create a satisfying relationship becomes more and more painful, mainly due to internal reasons: due to growing self-doubt, slowing down general development, also burdens economic dependence. Finally, there is a growing sense of emptiness in the realm of achievement as more and more attention is focused on achievement over the years. It seems to her that life has lost its meaning, anger develops (Horney, 1993).

The task of development (identity, independence) is complicated family problems and lagging behind professional field from peers. With a negative resolution of the crisis, regression to the previous stage of development is possible, and the risk of neuroticism increases.

"Or or". These women in their twenties must make a choice between love and children, or work and education. There are two types of such women: some put off thinking about a career for more late deadline, but, unlike the “caring”, after some time they intend to make a career; others tend to finish their professional education, transferring motherhood, and often marriage, to a later period.

In the first case, the advantage is that the woman gets the opportunity to do a lot of inner work, which will help her to determine her priorities in the future. Unlike “caring” women, such women have overcome the crisis of transition from adolescence to early adulthood, life goals(family, work), laid the foundation for a future career. The danger of this developmental model is that postponing the resolution of the crisis to a later date may lead to the loss of professional skills and increased competition from peers. The content of the crisis: the suppression of that part of one's "I", which is eager to receive professional recognition in the world, that is, to make a career. Subjective sensations: anxiety, vague fears (Sheehy, 1999); dissatisfaction with her role as a housewife, resistance from her husband, who often does not encourage the desire to work (Vitkin, 1996b; Fridan, 1992).

Studies of a group of women who chose the second type of the “either-or” model (first - a career, then - the role of a wife and mother) are quite small. Usually such women are the first-born in the family, mothers have no influence on them. Fathers support their daughters' self-esteem and become its main source. All respondents received higher education and at the age of 25 decided to postpone motherhood and marriage. The typical content of the crisis is the sudden realization that they have little time left to have a child, the feeling of being alone. Women begin to visit doctors, change partners, and can “jump out” to get married (Vitkin, 1996b). The problem is that it is difficult for an independent woman who has reached a certain position to find an equal partner, men are usually “afraid” of them. The search may drag on indefinitely, and the woman may not start a family. Among the unmarried, one can single out a group that chose new development tasks, and one that did not solve the tasks of the crisis.

There is also a group of women who manage to balance reciprocity with individuality. They first make a career, then marry and become a mother by the age of thirty. G. Sheehy calls this option the most effective. The advantage of such a model is that it allows you to plan events and a woman is more prepared for the transition of her thirtieth birthday: “ intimate relationship”- family, there are career achievements. An increasing number of women are postponing motherhood to a later date. According to American statistics, between 1980 and 1988 the number of women who chose this model of development doubled (Vitkin, 1996b). The crisis in this case usually consists in the fact that " The biological clock tell a woman that she may not have time to become a mother, she begins to put pressure on her husband, who may not be ready to become a father. The task of becoming a mother becomes the main one. The problem may also be that it is difficult for a woman to give birth to a child - the clock “strike” too late. Many find a way out by taking foster children in caring for nephews and nieces (Vit-

kin, 1996a).

"Integrators". Trying to combine marriage and motherhood with a career. The content of the crisis: a woman feels tired, overwhelmed by tasks, guilty before her husband and children, she constantly has to sacrifice either her family or her career in order to do everything. According to some researchers (Levinson, 1990; Sheehy, 1999), a woman can combine both these roles only by the age of thirty-five. Often women cannot withstand such loads and, as a result, or for some time, until their children grow up, they refuse to work, or refuse marriage, raising children. Others find a more positive way out: redistributing household responsibilities with their husbands, working from home, using modern facilities connections, part-time work, resort to the help of a nanny (Vitkin, 1996b; Nekrasov, Vozilkin, 1993). Modern models families and progress in the views of society suggest a lot options positive outputs with this model. The new structure of life is a temporarily unemployed or part-time father, a “Sunday” father who takes care of children on weekends and holidays, allowing a woman to become a mature person: to give her the opportunity to “love and work” (Freud, 1993). Similar relationships in marriage unions can give a woman the opportunity to connect all aspects of her being.

"Women Who Never Marry" including nannies, caregivers and "office wives". Some women in this group are heterosexual, others are lesbians, and still others are non-sexual (Morse, 1993; Sheehy, 1999). Some unmarried women become community workers, nannies, governesses, educators for orphans and children with retarded development. They direct their creative abilities to care for the children of the whole world. However, there are also women who become “office wives”, ready to exclude any other attachments in order to devote their lives to famous people.

"Unstable". At the age of twenty, they choose impermanence, travel through life, changing their place of residence, occupations and sexual partners. A woman who has chosen such a model of behavior prefers not to be determined in any way in life: she does not have a permanent income, family, profession, often wanders and, as a rule, has an immature personality, is not ready to “love and work”, has low self-esteem, lives for today, without thinking about the future (Vitkin, 1996b). The content of the crisis: by the age of thirty, a woman gets tired of the "free life", she faces the problem of further self-determination, finding herself in the world of adults and acquiring a profession. In fact, it should solve the problems of both youthful and thirty years. If the tasks associated with the previous period of development are not solved, they can complicate or overlap with the tasks of the following periods (Levinson, 1990). IN extreme cases development may be delayed to such an extent that the individual is unable to enter the next period. He feels overwhelmed by new tasks while he struggles with old ones, mental illness, a person will lose his way in life or will seek death. Often, women in this category are at risk: they lead an antisocial lifestyle, they are characterized by destructive behavior, alcohol and drug use. With a negative outcome, these problems are exacerbated, the woman is "stuck" at the youthful stage.

You invest yourself in a man, and in return you get something completely different from what you expected? Are you trying to keep the union, but the relationship is falling apart before your eyes? You may feel like you are doing everything right. But the results speak for themselves. A man perceives everything differently ...

And who taught you this?

Where did you get the behaviors that you now use in dealing with men? Parents showed a little, a girlfriend advised a little, and spied something in the series. This is how your behavior pattern is formed.

And very rarely this model is what a man needs!

So that you can avoid mistakes, let's look at the popular TABOO models of a woman's behavior in a relationship. You may recognize yourself in one of them.

Oh how Slavic women love this model! Look around ... You will surely find such a woman (and not even one) among friends and relatives.

How to recognize a slave?

• She “pulls on herself” everything: raising children, taking care of the house, work ...
• Unquestioningly does everything that the man says.
• Ready to give up their interests in the name of HIS desires.
• Communicates with the elect, for whom the husband has given permission.
• Ashamed of himself and his negative emotions.
• She does not have her own interests and hobbies.

The whole world of this woman comes down to the satisfaction of a man, so it is not surprising that such unions often break up due to the fact that he finds himself a more interesting passion.

They say about such women that she is among ten normal men find one chick. And he will teach, correct, hone ... And then again teach, correct, hone ... Without end :).

How to recognize a teacher?

• She is ready to work without sleep and rest in order to make a “normal” man out of a man - the one who was drawn by her imagination.\
• Endows a man with non-existent qualities and falls in love with them.
• Ready to give advice at any time of the day or night to anyone and everyone.
• Corrects all the mistakes of his chosen one.

Experienced men bypass such women on the tenth road. Insecure or young chosen ones often fall into the teacher's trap. And from such a couple, something can even work out.

But ... there are no ideals, the work never ends. Education continues throughout life. And it usually bothers even the most patient man. He goes away or languishes and turns into a neurotic.

Absolute guardianship is at the forefront in such relationships. A woman is ready to take care, to give herself. She can ask several times a day if he dressed warmly, if he ate, if he liked the sandwich. And the more persistently the lady will take care, the faster man leaves.

How to recognize mom?

• The range of her interests is cooking, cleaning, health, useful needlework ...
• Often corrects a man in conversation.
• Expresses dissatisfaction with what the man is doing.
• Reminds, controls and patronizes ... sometimes 24 hours a day.

Mommy is a wonderful model. But only when mom uses it. A wife or girlfriend must be different in order to win the interest, attention and heart of a worthy chosen one.

We have considered only 3 negative models of behavior of women with men. In fact, there are many more! It is simply not possible to describe all of them in one article. And is it necessary...

Let's focus on the positive. Do you know what a successful man's woman should be like? What unconditionally “peck” the representatives of the stronger sex? What, in their perception, distinguishes a woman for one night from a woman-wife?

If you want to know, I give all this information in open webinars who are passing almost every evening. You will discover a lot of new things, learn to communicate confidently, “tasty” and witty with successful men become wiser and more interesting.

Try on attractive behaviors for men!
They will definitely suit you!

I'll be waiting for you at the webinars! (Look for invitations to them in the morning in the mail 🙂)

P.S. Maybe you saw yourself or a friend among these roles? Share in the comments how this woman lives.

How to behave with a girl to please her? Which guys do girls like and which ones don't? What are the main rules of conduct and communication with women, thanks to which you will finally get out of the quagmire of loneliness and fruitless relationships? ..

Let's start with a description of some types.

Adventurer has many chances.

A man who is able to surprise them and cause delight is very popular among women.

If you do unusual, and sometimes extreme things, that is, something that a woman has not encountered in her life, this is both fascinating and stunning.

Adventurer buys female attention unpredictable actions, exciting women with their positive energy.

It would be nice to know what unpredictable act.

It should not be inadequate, wild or overly unpredictable, otherwise the risk of being misunderstood and subsequently rejected increases.

If, after a long gentle slap, you passionately slapped her on the ass with the words “Shameless, you kiss too well,” you will plunge her into a contrast of feelings and sensations.

Exactly contrast will make you interesting to women.

In most women, excessive self-confidence causes antipathy.

This quality in a man should be present in a small proportion and in combination with. Such a mixture will have an explosive effect.

Women love self-confident and dominant males who are able to control not only themselves and their own in a given situation, but also other people.

Therefore, on initial stage relationships, girls are sure to test their boyfriends for the presence of this male.

This gives them a sense of their own confidence and security next to their chosen one.

Everything should be under your control. You dictate the terms, and everything should go according to your scenario.

The girl's reaction may overwhelm you.

She may ask, "Were you bored with me?" or “Have I offended you in some way, or maybe disappointed you?”

Your answer (but not in an exculpatory form):

“Everything is wonderful, you are very interesting girl, just, I have one scheduled important meeting(don't explain what), something needs to be done (don't explain what). Call me tomorrow, maybe we can meet (pause) next weekend.”

Sheer intrigue and a mystery for a girl - a lot of guesses and assumptions will spin in her head.

She will analyze every your word, the intonation with which you uttered the last phrases, scroll in your head all the events that took place during.

Egocentricity, within reasonable limits, is appropriate if you are not confident in yourself, and your self-esteem is low or leaves much to be desired.

What guys don't like girls?

They do not like sycophants who creep in front of women, beg for their location in the hope of getting female attention.

This is the position of "needy" and weak man who seeks to please the lady always and in everything, afraid to disappoint her.

They are able to endure all the whims and absurd antics of their beloved. From what they harm, first of all, to themselves.

Toadying is characteristic not only of natural toadies, but also of those who do not know how to behave with a girl.

Learn to stop "female quirks" in the bud in time by making a remark in a cool way, with almost the opposite meaning.

Photo 1. Openness and the ability to cheer up a girl are perhaps the most important qualities modern ladies' man

Respond to her "shitty" actions or words with the following remark:

“It will be better for you if you stop acting like that (in a friendly tone, as if you were talking to your sister). Only a true friend can point out your shortcomings to you, unlike those admirers who are ready to flatter, for the sake of their own whims. I know how smart, kind and affectionate girl Therefore, I am friends with you, and I wish you only good.

You can be seen as "needy" if you immediately show excessive interest and friendliness.

You should not often smile and laugh, especially from your own jokes, as well as replay with emotions and facial expressions. Better to show imperturbability.

Be mysterious. Do not reveal all the cards to her at once.

Leave open those relating to your personal life, that is, try to answer more superficially, without going into details.

Give out all the information about yourself in scanty doses, and do not disclose any at all.

Walk away from a question you don't want to answer with humor: “It's a secret. If I tell you, you will have to be liquidated."

Answer questions ambiguously, sometimes with humor, and sometimes ironically.

She may think: “How to understand him, is he serious or joking? Either way, it's interesting and funny."

This is a kind of game that girls like to play with guys.

It is especially appropriate to communicate in this manner with an eccentric person who is used to the fact that men please her in everything.

Joke and make fun (for example, pretend to be a sycophant with irony), sometimes shocking and embarrassing, and sometimes pleasantly surprising.

The haughty behavior of a beauty may be the result of her upbringing or a large number worshipers who grovel before her.

The acquired model of behavior with the opposite sex does not yet characterize the girl as an arrogant person.

It's just that in her life there was no such man who would imbue her inner world and touched her feelings.

Learn to communicate with a girl correctly, in her own manner to speak in hints and indirectly.

If you want to admire her, don't tell her how beautiful she is. Pretty woman has heard a similar compliment from other guys more than once.

Instead, note how smart, interesting, friendly, sincere, cheerful she is.

Don't say: "I missed you", say: "I thought about you, remembered our walks in the park."

It is very important for girls to know what they think of them.

An indecisive man has a habit of asking a woman:

• “What do you think, how should I be in this or that situation?”,
• Where would you like to go with me today?
• "What are you doing tonight?",
• "Well then, shall I call you tonight?"

If you want to invite a lady on a date, decide for yourself where you will go.

If a girl asks: Where will we go?”, answer: “Surprise. If I tell you, it won't be a surprise anymore."

To learn how to properly communicate with a girl, talk less on serious topics and in a serious tone.

If you want to challenge her arguments, do it in playfully and as a result, make her agree with you.

This is a delicate manifestation of dominance.

Experiment and try which behavior suits you best.

After all, each person has his own character, temperament, life preferences, manners of moving and talking.

In all of the above models, there may be deviations. These behavioral patterns can and should be corrected.

Rules of conduct and communication with women

In conclusion, I would like to add the following.

. Asking a girl suggestive questions or making assertions, you can provoke her to a revelation, give her the opportunity to reveal her soul to you.

In the course of such a sincere conversation, you will be able to learn about some of her inner qualities.

Photo 2. Girls subconsciously look for support, sincerity and focus on a serious relationship in men

For example, ask a girl short, non-stressful questions, the answers to which, apparently, can be either “yes” or “no”, such as:

• "Can you keep secrets?"
• "Do you consider yourself beautiful?"
• "Are you gambling?"

Gradually complicate the questions that require a more meaningful answer from the interlocutor.

Don't forget to keep an eye on how willingly she answers your questions.

. Be delicate- if you are still unfamiliar, do not ask tricky questions that are too personal.

. Don't ask too many questions so as not to look like an interrogator during interrogation.

. When you compliment a girl, be persuasive. Compliments should not be "naked", in the sense of unreasonable, untrue.

Argument every compliment you give to the girl.

Give compliments in portions, otherwise they will lose their value.

Compliments should be timely and appropriate. For example, it's a great excuse to give a compliment when you get a response from a girl that you expected to hear.

. Be sincere with a girl. The strength of her emotional return will depend on this.

What is happiness and how do you rate it?

I kind of thought about this as well. I began to find out what happiness is for me: family, children, good sex, good relationships, work, money? All of the above, usually put in first place in my family. It was very important for my mom. She also said the following things: “A woman should have an education. A woman should be independent of a man.” True, she forgot to explain a lot, apparently, she believed that everything was clear anyway. So the settings turned out to be dual.

But as I already understood from my life experience and the experience of my mother’s life, a woman is never independent in a relationship, moreover, being independent in a relationship is absurd. Relationships are created in order to be dependent, not free, to be close to someone and love someone. Can an addicted person, a woman, be happy?

Love, as you know, is not an easy thing. Tears, conflicts, misunderstanding, rejection of each other, difficulties, limitations, all possible - all this is love. “Again, someone didn’t close the tube of toothpaste! And why, like taking out the garbage, is it necessary for me?

When I began to ask a question to women who come for consultations and psychotherapy, exclaiming in a fit of despair: “I want female happiness!” What, in their opinion, is the notorious female happiness, the answers did not surprise me at all. All responses were divided into several categories.

The survey was conducted with women aged 28-40.

Single women said the following: family, children, good relationships, money, sex, home and an established life. Yes, there were still such ideas: to sit at home dependent on her husband and do nothing or engage in some kind of hobby. For this category of women, the issue with the family was, as it were, present in the "atmosphere" of their lives. I wanted a family, but the main emphasis, with all this, was on a career: “Here, first I myself will become a man, and then I will give birth to a child. Lucky, and from a beloved man. These women were good leaders by the age of 30, having made an excellent career.

There were also those who refused, forever and ever, from children under any pretext. They led a free lifestyle, loved men, different and different, but they were in no hurry to get married.

Married women with children spoke with one voice about such things: self-realization, interesting job, independent earnings, independence from her husband, health, sex with a beloved man (in some cases, the husband was not such, but I already talked about how women get married).

Divorced women were also divided into two categories. The first category - women wanted to quickly return to the family, improve relations with their beloved man, give birth to more children. The second category - they were afraid of relationships, worse than cholera, and, accordingly, they were not going to return to the family - “hang a yoke around their necks”.

It turned out that many women, with rare exceptions, identified the concept of female happiness with a certain role, for example: mothers, wives, lovers ... Rare, rare women thought that happiness is not related to gender or role. Such courageous women were mainly treated, oddly enough, by notorious “careerists” and housewives who tried “how much is a pound dashing?” from my own experience.

So, having done all this work on my own, I decided to turn to scientific data and summarize my experience and the experience of world science.

“And what is important in determining female happiness?” - you ask.

And that's what - THE CONSEQUENCES OF OUR CHOICE WITH YOU!

Very often, choosing this or that path, a woman finds herself in the middle of her life, literally crushed by the load of accumulated problems. Throwing between home, work, unsettled personal life begins and, sometimes looking around, she looks at more successful women, of course, comparisons occur for some reason invariably in the direction of her own worthlessness and bad luck, and remarks to herself: “I live like she , think only of yourself, and everything would be just as wonderful for me as for her!

So, the consequences of the choice and the conclusions of world science.

World science tends to conclude that every choice of every woman is correct in itself. If a woman chooses a family, it means that the model of behavior of a "CARING WOMAN" is preferable for her. CARING WOMEN become around 20 or before years getting married and having children. The choice of such women is to become a Housewife. The goal of such a woman is the family, because she wants to surround herself with loved ones and loved ones. caring woman lives by attachments and is dependent on them. In place of their own desires she puts the desires of her husband, children, because for this she created her family to take care of others.

Divorce becomes the most terrible punishment for a Caring woman, any little ups and downs in life can hit her like lightning on a tree in an open field. The blows of fate are extremely hard to bear. If by the middle of her life a caring woman has not learned to take care of herself, then unresolved problems will sooner or later drive her into a severe crisis. A harbinger of such a crisis, as a rule, is a change in relations with her husband. Happiness ends imperceptibly and a pile of unresolved problems appears, namely, the question of DISSATISFACTION WITH YOUR LIFE arises.

I remember that Emile Durkheim, in his first book on the study of suicide, wrote a wonderful idea that the family does not save a person from suicide. Children grow up, husbands have mistresses, and the Caring woman remains alone - without any use for herself.

Often such women say: “I did everything for him! I was everything to him! I helped him build a career, business, develop, but he left, did not appreciate it, left it, found another!”

The way out of the crisis for a CARING WOMAN can be new search and finding oneself through some kind of activity for the soul.

WOMEN OR-OR

This is where my research and the research of Western colleagues diverge in different sides. Since I have already described my typology in a nutshell, let's analyze the Western typology of female behavior models.

So, women either-or. Here, Western colleagues divided women into two categories: 1. Women who choose their family first, and then their career, 2. Women who choose their career first, and then their family.

Women who choose a family first, and then build a career.

Women who choose first a family and then a career face the following difficulty - many never manage to build a career after 10-15 years of caring for children. Plus, delayed self-realization, like suppression of oneself, still tends to manifest itself at the most inopportune moments - competition with her husband, frequent mood swings, envy more successful women who still managed to build a career. So, by the age of forty, angry, unsatisfied women appear who have strangled the sprouts of their own self-expression in themselves. (This study was NOT done by FEMINISTS, but by ordinary psychologists.)

A good question for husbands: how much does it cost Homework? And how much is its psychological part? How much are you willing to pay for your changes after ten years of self-destruction?

Women who first choose a career and then a family.

These are the women who stubbornly built a career until the age of 30. They dreamed of a family, but at first they wanted to achieve something more than their surroundings. They renounced their attachments at the age of twenty and ten years later they were already holding leadership positions in various organizations.

Here are a few characteristics given by Western colleagues: the first-born in the family never regretted their belonging to female gender, had a good relationship with fathers who stimulated their personal development, they were instilled with freedom of choice in any situation and they were different male thinking. As a rule, mothers did not have much influence on them.

If you think that this type of women is peculiar only to the West, then you are fundamentally mistaken. Recent studies by our Russian scientists have also confirmed this idea, that women who actively build their careers in our country are more emotionally stable than women who do not work or sit at home caring for children. In addition, the disclosure of one's own potential allows a woman to feel satisfied. own life, and therefore, to achieve their own victories.

INTEGRATORS.

Integrators are women who decide to combine family and career. Sooner or later, all integrators face the question of choice - work or family. To my deep regret, this group of women includes me and all the charms of the ever-growing internal conflict I know firsthand. These are conflicts with the husband and the illness of a child with whom you want to stay at home, but there is no such possibility, and conflicts at work, when you still start to get sick with “childhood” infections with your child and disrupt production plans. The question of the eternal “gap” between home and work is the most difficult in the world. What's more important? Remember, at the beginning of the article, I talked about my mother’s attitudes, which I was generously stuffed with from childhood: “The family should always come first, but you should not forget about your own development and should not be financially dependent on a man!”

So, the first third of the life of female integrators is spent in wars and conflicts for their rights and development, as well as for the preservation of the family and the development of children.

It is good if by a certain moment, having survived in all the battles, women come to their goal and achieve significant results. In this case, one manages to celebrate one's own personal completeness both as a mother, and as a professional, and as a wife, and as a woman.

Otherwise, they expect divorces, children with problems, poor health.

As a rule, this is what happens, women integrators, having suffered for a certain amount of time, send to hell either their own development, or a child, or, in general, marriage and family.

It is impossible to combine the incompatible!

WOMEN WHO NEVER GET MARRIED

This group of women stands apart and in the process of life differs from male bachelors in that they show stronger psychological qualities, achieving their goals. Some of them achieve very different indicators, choosing the path of women accompanying men or sharing their love with women.

Among single women there are many poets, artists, community workers, educators for orphans and children with retarded development.

UNSTABLE

Women without any obligations or women of search. In this female model there is no desire for attachment. Women enrich their life experience communication with different people, sometimes leading the life of a butterfly or a dragonfly, flying from one story to another, sometimes even discarding the need to build a career or have at least some kind of permanent income.

In any case, someday they also have to choose, especially when a child appears - the result of an accidental pregnancy.

Analyzing my experience and the conclusions of Western colleagues in an attempt to answer the question, what is happiness for a woman, I came to the following conclusions, at some points intersecting with Western sources:

1. Happiness has no gender

2. Happiness is a part of life achievements in any area and it is good when there are many achievements in different areas.

3. Happiness is not related to the role that a woman chooses for herself - to be a mother, wife, active leader or concierge.

4. Happiness is the self-realization of one's inner potential without any conditions.

5. Happiness is full feeling personal development and personal completion.

That's all for today. Maria Romantsova was with you, sincerely wishing you happiness!

P.S. Although I was silent for a long time, but in this article I broke away for all the previous weeks of silence. Kiss…