Etiquette of family life. What is family etiquette? Video: Presentation Etiquette and table manners

Etiquette is often misunderstood as the rules of good manners exclusively in relation to people we know little about. Many people forget about the rules of behavior in the family, allowing themselves unnecessary liberties in relationships with their spouse, children, and parents, which often leads to conflicts and misunderstandings.

The role of family etiquette is no less than any other: business, everyday, official, etc.

Modern family relationships themselves often run counter to generally accepted traditions. It is not uncommon when the beginning of a family relationship is the cohabitation of partners without official registration, and the proposal to start a family comes from a woman, not from a man.

Both spouses must agree with family rules of behavior in order to avoid various unpleasant situations, for example, a vacuum in the relationship (the husband spends all his free time on the Internet, the wife is dissatisfied).

At home, you should not devote much time to solving any work matters, since most of your free time should be spent with your family. In this regard, appropriate priorities must be built, according to which a person should have family in first place, friends in second, and work in third.

Very often, relationships are overshadowed due to failure to meet the expectations of either spouse regarding family life. With marriage, one should not forget about gifts, joint trips to theaters, restaurants, and attending entertainment events.

The distribution of household responsibilities between spouses must occur by mutual agreement.

Don't sort things out in public. No matter how bad your partner does/said, don’t start a scandal, it’s better to speak out at home. There are many advantages to this approach: firstly, you will cool down and the situation may not seem so dramatic to you, and secondly, other people will still think that you have an ideal relationship. Thirdly, it is much easier to make peace at home.

Don't wash dirty linen in public. Agree with your husband or wife that you will not discuss your relationship with friends or colleagues. Decide together what, when and to whom to tell. In general, it is believed that the less they know about you, the less gossip there is around you.

Respect each other's parents. It's not easy, but if it weren't for them, you wouldn't have such a wonderful wife or a wonderful husband. At least be grateful to them. In addition, your parents are much older than you, so respecting them should be the norm for both of you. You may not agree with them, but you must respect them. And if possible, please them, show signs of attention and move towards rapprochement in the relationship.

Start family traditions; it brings all family members closer together.

What other family etiquette rules can you recommend?

Etiquette refers to the rules and norms of behavior that must be followed in certain situations and while in certain places. It is important to teach your child etiquette from infancy, then parents will not find themselves in awkward situations when they are embarrassed for their ill-mannered child. On the contrary, parents will hear many compliments addressed to their young ladies and gentlemen.

What types of etiquette are there for children and teenagers?

As you know, there are a large number of types of etiquette. But fortunately, children have a little less of them than in adults:

• Guest (how to behave when visiting)
• Day off (how to behave in special public places, for example, in a museum, cinema, theater)
• Passenger (how to behave in public transport)
• Family (how to behave with your family)
• Speech (how to conduct verbal communication correctly)
• Dining (how to behave at the table)
• Educational (how to behave correctly in educational institutions)
• Telephone (how to properly conduct conversations on the phone and by correspondence)

It is important for parents to understand that they can raise a child correctly only if they themselves are polite and well-mannered people. Setting the right example is the best way to instill good qualities in your children.

At what age should children start teaching etiquette?

This will surprise some, but from the birth of your baby you can begin to teach him etiquette. Newborn should be taught etiquette soft look, certain words, intonation. For example, before eating, wish him a bon appetit, and when the baby hands his mother a rattle, thank him. It is imperative to praise the child if he behaves correctly, and also, using intonation in his voice, to show that he is not behaving quite as he should.

Starting from the age of two, it is necessary to actively teach the child decent manners and rules of behavior, explain how he can act, and what is better not to do. Motivation helps in learning, and, of course, personal example.

Best suited for a child's perception game forms of education. You can simulate different situations, resort to story games and use different poems and fairy tales on the topic of etiquette.

At the age of four to six years, the child himself should understand the need to know etiquette. This will greatly help him to facilitate communication with his peers and adults. At this age, not only parents, but also kindergarten teachers play an important role in raising a child. At school, good manners will also be taught, but before this age, the child should already have a certain knowledge of etiquette.

How to organize etiquette lessons for children and teenagers

Children should be taught good manners at all times., use training in the form of a game, remind, often give examples - this process should be continuous. Frequent discussions of different situations and positive examples from adults can definitely lead a child’s education to success.

In order to ensure that the learning process in kindergartens and schools is not interrupted, special lessons and programs have been developed for teachers. If they wish, they can also find many free lessons and materials on the Internet.

How to teach your child table etiquette

It is necessary to teach your child table etiquette from an early age. It is important for the child to understand that food can only be eaten in certain places: in the kitchen or in the dining room.

For the little ones, there are the most important table etiquette rules:

• - food can only be taken from plates and with special utensils;
• - If necessary, use a kitchen napkin.

The older the child gets, the more rules of table etiquette he will know, but he must remember the main rules early:

How a child or teenager should behave when visiting

It is extremely important that the child knows how to both receive guests and behave decently when visiting. There are several rules of guest etiquette:

How a child or teenager should behave in public places

In order for parents not to feel embarrassed for their child, even when leaving home they need to be told about some rules of behavior in society. Especially necessary emphasize the rules of behavior in public transport:

Rules for exit etiquette

It is very good if a child develops culturally. To do this, parents need to take their child to the movies, theaters, and museums. But before going, you need to explain to your child what the rules of weekend etiquette are. For example, rules of behavior in the theater:

What are the rules of communication between people?

There are some rules of behavior at school that all children should know:

Family etiquette rules

There are also rules of decent behavior in the family:

• All older relatives should be treated politely and respectfully
• You can’t argue or raise your voice at relatives
• Before entering your parents' room, you need to knock
• You cannot swear, fight or argue with your sisters or brothers
• It is necessary to adhere to and support all the rules and traditions that are established within the family

If all family members try to get along with each other and avoid conflicts, peace and harmony will always reign in the house. This is not so easy to achieve; sometimes a lot of effort is needed to extinguish the sparks of a flaring quarrel.

Some people believe that politeness is only necessary outside the home, and that you can relax in the family circle. However, relaxing does not mean forgetting all the polite words. It seems to you that “please”, “thank you”, “sorry” are not needed, you can do without them. Yes, in some cases it is actually possible not to use these conditional expressions. If we are talking about ordinary things that are within the competence of, for example, the wife, the husband can simply remind him: “Pay for the phone.” He doesn't have to constantly "ask" for it. A husband doesn't have to thank his wife every time she puts dinner in front of him, just as she doesn't have to say "thank you" when he hands her his coat. You should ask for favors and thank them in other cases. For example, the husband may say: “Please bring my cigarettes, I don’t want to interrupt my work.” He should thank his wife for the service rendered.

Intonation plays a big role in relationships between close people. She is able to nullify all polite expressions. The phrase: “Pour me some coffee” may sound friendly and polite, while the words: “Please, please pour some coffee” may sound like an order.

Each family has its own way of addressing each other. There is nothing wrong when a husband calls her “baby” and she calls him “cat,” but these affectionate nicknames are not intended for prying ears. In the presence of third parties, it is better to call each other by name.

Spouses often find it difficult to contact their spouse's parents. If you do not want or cannot call your mother-in-law or mother-in-law mom, contact her by her first name and patronymic. You shouldn’t call your mother-in-law “grandmother” or your mother-in-law “aunt Masha”; it’s impolite.

Very often, the cause of conflicts is the cohabitation of spouses and their parents in an apartment. Quarrels are especially frequent when mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live in the same apartment. There is no need to find out which of them is the “housewife”; they both have equal rights to this “title”, even if the daughter-in-law does not take much part in household affairs due to her busy work and studies. At the same time, the mother-in-law, due to illness, who has no workload in household chores, remains the “senior” housewife: she is given a place of honor at the table and is consulted about changes in everyday life. It is extremely rude for families to exclude old grandmothers from participating in family life and not invite them to the festive table during family celebrations.

If people the same age as her daughter or son-in-law come to visit, the mother does not have to take part in their parties. She may come out to them for a few minutes to say hello. In the same way, representatives of the younger generation are not required to be present at meetings between their parents and their friends. This should only be done when the mother or father specifically asks the children to do so.

Decency requires that a guest who comes to one of the family members be greeted by everyone else,
but that doesn't mean they have to spend the whole evening
in his society.

To avoid conflicts in the home, the younger generation should always show courtesy towards the older generation.

If an elderly mother-in-law or mother-in-law lives in your home, you should not:

• - tell her that she is tired and it is better for her to rest a little just when she is having great fun at the table in the company of your friends and relatives;


• - become silent and cut off the conversation when she enters the room;


• — tell children that their grandmother has age-related oddities;


• - talk about someone in her presence: “This is an old man”;


• - in a dispute, use the expression: “At your age...”;


• - consider that the mother-in-law’s lot is only household chores;


• - give things associated with mourning;


• - repeat that your apartment is small and cramped. However, the head housewife must also show politeness. She is highly recommended


• - do not be too persistently interested in the details of children’s lives;


• - do not try to find out details of what she was not told about;


• - do not show dissatisfaction and whims, citing age;


• - do not demand that younger family members spend more time at home;


• - do not constantly use the argument: “In my time...”;


• - talk less often about your past;


• - A mother-in-law should not show her dissatisfaction with her daughter-in-law to her son, and a mother-in-law should not condemn her son-in-law in the presence of her daughter.

Each family member must respect each other's interests and tastes. If a husband likes to watch football or goes fishing on weekends, his wife should not be outraged by this. If he spends Saturday with a fishing rod on the river bank, then Sunday will definitely be devoted to family matters. Likewise, the husband must take into account the interests of his wife. In no case should you say condemningly: “Can a smart woman watch such a stupid movie!” when your wife is watching her favorite series on TV.

If you consider yourself well-mannered, do not judge each other's hobbies and friends.
Maintain confidentiality of correspondence. Parents should not read letters intended for their children. Spouses should do the same towards each other. Anyone who rummages through the pockets of loved ones in search of notes or letters is acting extremely rudely.

Many people are interested in whether it is necessary knock before entering a room any family members? Each family has its own rules, but in the morning or evening, when a person can dress or undress, it is better to knock.

If you sit down at the table, the phrase: “Bon appetit” is not at all necessary. But after eating, a well-mannered person should say: “Thank you.”

Very often, a man who is very gallant towards other ladies behaves completely unacceptable with his wife, showing basic bad manners. But it’s not for nothing that they say that a wife is “the other half.” By showing impoliteness towards her, the husband thus shows disrespect for himself.

Know that a husband's responsibilities include the following:

• - serve outerwear to your wife, not only in a public place, but also in your own hallway, where no one can see you;


• - do not read the newspaper at lunch;


• - praise your wife’s cooking;


• - at any dance party, the first dance must be danced with your wife;


• - compliment your wife, notice her new dress or new hairstyle;


• - When walking through the door, let your wife go first. Get off the trolleybus first and give your wife your hand;


• - from time to time give your wife small gifts and buy flowers for no reason;


• - in the presence of your wife, do not look after other women;


• — forget forever the argument: “I earn money and demand that...”;


• - do not walk around the apartment half-dressed;


• - when leaving home on weekends or after hours, always inform your wife about the purpose of your departure and the time of return;


• - show interest in how his wife spent time in his absence;


• - talk with your wife on various topics, and not just about household matters.

However, you should not show your attention to your wife by unbridled criticism of everything that seems wrong to you. Day after day, criticizing her character, her manner of dressing, her methods of raising children, her friends, etc., remember that even the calmest woman’s patience eventually runs out. By the way, such a man’s behavior is often a consequence of his lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem, so the wife needs to more often emphasize her husband’s merits and notice all his achievements. Often the wife takes the place of the family critic.

The wife must also remember about politeness towards your husband. She should pay attention to the following:

• - when choosing outfits and accessories for them, listen to your husband’s opinion, and not just to the advice of your girlfriends;


• — try, as often as possible, to cook what your husband loves;


• - do not invade the sphere of his “sacred interests”: do not rummage through his briefcase or bag, do not take his personal belongings without permission, do not put things in order in his drawer;


• - if your husband once again tells the same story in company, which is quite boring to you, or a bearded joke, do not try to interrupt his speech with the phrase: “Everyone has already heard this”;


• - do not criticize him in front of your children. And in general, do not sort things out with him in front of the children, this can be done without witnesses;


• - do not control your husband explicitly; .


• - under no circumstances express indignation regarding his attachment to his mother;


• - praise him more often, give him compliments, listen carefully to his advice;


• - do not invite guests into the house who he does not like, and do not persuade him to go to visit people whose company is unpleasant for him;


• - do not remember the merits of your first husband if you get married a second time.

Of course, there are different situations in life, and conflicts cannot always be avoided. But if they continue too often, the initiator of quarrels should think and find the reason for his own nervousness, because of which quarrels occur.

During a showdown, you should not resort to irony, since this usually offends the opposite side and causes a response protest. Present all your arguments in an even tone, calmly and politely. Aggressive, commanding or capricious intonations are perceived negatively. In disputes, try to avoid omissions, and it is absolutely stupid and ugly to threaten your spouse when quarreling.

In a dispute, one should not refer to the opinions of third parties. As soon as the mother of one of the spouses brings up the opinion of the mother of one of the spouses during the friendliest conversation, a calm and polite argument turns into a scandal.

One should not resort to generalizations. If you are unhappy with some mistake your spouse made while visiting, do not begin your accusatory speech with the words: “You always...”. You need to talk only about the specific fact that took place in this case.

Mutual claims can kill the most tender feelings, even if the reproaches are deserved. The one to whom they are presented will subconsciously strive to isolate himself from the accuser, so complaints expressed too often can lead to a rupture.

Try to make comments to your loved ones in a friendly and unobtrusive manner, do not repeat them repeatedly. If a person does not respond to your comments, this does not mean that he did not hear them. He probably cannot or does not want to do otherwise. Forgive those you love for their weaknesses, because you are unlikely to have no weaknesses at all. However, this is not at all a call for forgiveness. If a person is demanding of himself, he can
Expect the same from your loved ones. The most important thing is to find the right time and the right form of expressing demands.

It is impossible to avoid quarrels in the family, but they should not be frequent, and after reconciliation, the conflict, as well as the reason for its occurrence, should be immediately forgotten.

In general, it is better to nip quarrels in the bud, and not inflate it to the size of a universal fire. You can, of course, ask a loved one why he acted this way and not otherwise, but if his answer does not satisfy you, do not try to “push him to the wall.” Family etiquette recommends that all statements by one partner should be taken on faith by the other. Don't try to catch your loved one in a lie.

Even in a quarrel, do not use harsh expressions. An angry, albeit sincere phrase: “You're crazy!” - it’s better to replace it with a polite one: “You’re wrong, dear.”

Harsh and rude words, even if they are spoken without malicious intent, can hurt a person and leave an unpleasant aftertaste in his soul for a long time.

The foundations of good parenting are laid in childhood, however, if parents demand from their children what they never do themselves, they are unlikely to achieve what they want. No matter how a father or mother instills in their son or daughter that speaking obscene words is ugly, the child will never accept this if the parents themselves often use obscene language in quarrels. It is common for a child to imitate those who are an authority for him, and these are, first of all, his parents. If you want your child to be polite, become an example for him.

If you want your child to learn good manners, try to teach him this as early as possible. As soon as your baby starts eating on his own, give him baby cutlery. The sooner you start teaching your child the rules of etiquette, the faster he will learn to behave correctly and at ease not only at the table, but also in other situations. It is worth remembering, however, that even if friends admire your baby, it is too early for him to sit at the common table with adult guests. During the celebration, it is better to seat children at a separate table.

When there are several children in a family, there should be polite and friendly relations between brothers and sisters. This is possible if parents love their children equally and do not give any of them a reason to feel that he is treated worse than the other.

Of course, no family can do without quarrels; this is a common and common thing. But those parents who believe that children should figure it out on their own are wrong: in no case should matters be allowed to come to the point of a fight or abusive language. Children need to be taught to control themselves, this will help them in the future to maintain composure even in the most difficult situations.

Children grow up, and an age comes that is usually called “difficult”. Indeed, sometimes it can be very difficult to find a common language with a teenager who just a year or two ago was affectionate and obedient, and now has suddenly become harsh and withdrawn. It seems that the wall of misunderstanding that has appeared between parents and their child is insurmountable. However, this is not at all the case: if the mother and father treat the child in a friendly manner, respect him, share with him their thoughts on many issues, give practical and intelligent advice and do not hesitate to ask his opinion, peace and mutual understanding will reign in the family

Do you think it is necessary to respect a spouse, child, parents?

Should we be involved and help them? Is it possible to be happy in a family where no one cares about you?
For most adults, the answers to these questions are clear, but you should talk about this with your child, explain to him the rules of behavior in the circle of loved ones and adhere to them yourself. Talk about what a family is, what dad, mom, and himself are needed for; what he does to make the family happy; why at home it is desirable to be neat in appearance and pleasant in communication; what kind words we say to our loved ones.

Using every opportunity to say something nice to the child, parents not only confirm their feelings to him, which is very important for him, but also teach him to see good qualities in other people. "You're so kind! Thank you!" - says the mother to her son, who treated her to candy. “You are the most wonderful daughter,” another mother joyfully whispers to her daughter, “I missed you”; “Well, dirty little thing, let’s go home, we’ll have to wash your pants again,” the third says nervously. Short moments of meeting, but how much they can say about the order established in families.

Does your child know how to make requests to loved ones and does his speech often contain demanding notes? Tell him that it is more pleasant to fulfill a request than a demand. Words such as “please”, “I beg you, help me”, “thank you”, etc. are not for nothing called magical: they, like Pinocchio’s key, open people’s hearts. You always want to respond to them and help. It’s not just the words that are important, but the tone in which they are spoken and a smile that is endearing. Often we demand seriousness from the child, so that they “smile less and think more.” Meanwhile, the importance of a smile in communication is extremely great. She seems to be saying: I love people and am happy to meet them. Children smile a lot, being happy in the knowledge that they live, there is a mother and father nearby, everyone loves them. Let your child accumulate positive emotions and see good things in others. Anyone who received a charge of kindness, joy and energy in childhood will cope with any difficulties and solve the most difficult problems in life.

The child needs attention, gentle touches, kisses. Of course, we, adults, know about this, but often we do not attach importance to such a strong emotional impact and forget to kiss, stroke, sit with him, pressing closely to each other.

Gifts and surprises play a big role in creating a happy family, which are desirable not only on a holiday or birthday, but also on the most ordinary day. Tell your child what he can do for loved ones. This is how they do it, for example, in Seryozha’s family. During a walk, dad and Seryozha bought a bouquet of flowers for grandma: her grandson’s favorite flowers would bring her great joy. After lunch, Seryozha, with his father’s help, washed the dishes so that his mother could rest. And in the evening, when they were drinking tea, the boy treated everyone to a chocolate given to him. Who do you think helped the child bring joy to his loved ones and does he need it? Don’t forget to make your children happy yourself: give them a pencil or notebook, play your son or daughter’s favorite game, treat them to ice cream or an apple. Small signs of attention convince of mutual love.

Be careful in your statements when assessing children's actions. By telling a child “you are bad,” we teach him to negatively evaluate us adults. Not “you’re bad,” but “you just did something bad.” Not “your hands are always dirty,” but “your hands are dirty now.” With such words, the child becomes confident that those close to him consider him a good person, capable of independently correcting his shortcomings. Along with the confidence that he is always loved, no matter what happens, instill in the child a sense of responsibility for his misdeeds. Tanyusha, not wanting to share with her brother, hid under the bed and ate an apple. If you yell at her and even beat her so that she won’t be disobedient next time, this will embitter the girl against her brother and parents. Do it differently: treat your son to something tasty, and it would be nice for him to share with his sister. Don’t scold her, but praise him. Cultivate more positive emotions.

But when helping to cope with problems, teaching resilience in life, one should not solve for the child those “difficult” issues that he can cope with himself. Valera is upset: he had a fight with the guys in the yard and they don’t want to play with him. Dad said: they don’t want to and there’s no need, you and I will take a walk together. In the yard they began to build a snow fortress, and they did it so excitingly that other children joined them. Why did Valerina’s father need to deal with other people’s children? Wouldn't it be better to take a walk together? At first he wanted to do just that, but, going out into the street, he decided to reconcile his son with his friends. It turned out great: the children played happily, and Valera was among them.
When teaching a child to have a correct and friendly attitude towards people, it is advisable to discuss our relationships with him: why we love each other, how and why parents take care of their children and children about their parents. Having quarreled with him, help him get out of the quarrel: discuss together why you think he is wrong, why he did this. By helping your child realize his actions, you will teach him to make peace with adults: to sincerely say words of apology, to do something nice for the one he offended.

Rules of family etiquette that a child learns:
- At home it is advisable to be beautiful and pleasant in appearance;
- Show attention and care to loved ones;
- Be kind, gentle and polite;
- Give gifts and pleasant surprises;
- Try not to quarrel with your family.
Dear parents, grandparents! Remember!

You are your child's first and most important teachers. His first school - your home - will have a huge impact on what he considers important in life, on the formation of his value system.

Material prepared by: teacher of the educational institution “Etiquette”, Khamatsharipova V.V.

Family - the most important social organism of society. Health, life expectancy, and population size depend on its condition. Directly or indirectly, the family influences the economic and socio-political development of the country, its defense capability, the state of law and order, authority in the international arena, and the stability of the state. A new person is born and raised in the family. It is in the family that a child receives the first information about who he is, what country he lives in, who his ancestors are, what is good and what is evil, what is beautiful and what is ugly. An employee goes to work from his family, and he returns to his family after completing his daily official duty. By maintaining law and order in a city, district, town, an employee protects the peace and safety of his family and friends. In the family, a person satisfies his diverse needs, including aesthetic ones. The family is a source of joy, pride, well-being and happiness of spouses and children, grandparents, and other members. In the family, a person receives the origins of a culture of behavior and the basics of etiquette.

But the family can also be a source of grief, disappointment, an environment that oppresses a person, preventing him from living and creating normally. “Of all the misfortunes that befall a person,” wrote the great Russian writer M.E. Saltykov-Shchedrin, - there is nothing more terrible than family, domestic grief. It is not conspicuous, does not flaunt its wounds, and therefore always goes unnoticed. You have to experience a lot yourself to understand how overwhelming there is in these apparently small sorrows, in these imperceptible persecutions that do not kill you right away, but little by little poison every moment of your existence and, finally, make you unable to live.”1 .

In order for a family to live a happy and fulfilling life, to fulfill all its functions (childbearing, economic, raising children, caring for elders, satisfying intimate needs, etc.), we must not forget that relationships in the family, family life, and the actions of its members must be paint ityou. Moreover, the beauty of family life does not mean the beauty of the expensive interiors of the apartment, not the external gloss of its inhabitants, but the beauty of spiritual relationships in the family, the nobility and wisdom of the elders, the tact and attentiveness of the younger ones, so that the person in the family is valued, supported, strengthens his faith in justice, into goodness and beauty.

The term “family etiquette” itself has not found wide use in scientific and educational literature, or in journalism. At the same time, it is in the family that the foundations of etiquette are laid in all its diversity (etiquette of clothing, greetings, feasts, everyday life, relationships between elders and younger, parents and children, communication with neighbors, etiquette of family holidays, etc.). Moreover, etiquette in the true sense of the word in the noble families of Tsarist Russia was essentially formed mainly in the family. Having gone through a worthy school of education, the noble son only had to master the elements of civil service etiquette in order to be a worthy representative of his class, a servant of the Fatherland and the Emperor.

Family life etiquette very diverse. However, it is based on three main components of a full-fledged family: the etiquette of the relationship between wife and husband, the etiquette of communication between parents and their children, the etiquette of family life. Let's look at the three sides of etiquette in more detail.

The basis of a family, as a rule, is the love of a boy and a girl, a man and a woman who have entered into a marriage. Wherein aesthetic component(especially in the early stages of communication) often plays a decisive role. The external attractiveness of a partner, his manners, neatness, politeness, punctuality, signs of attention have a great influence on the chosen one (whether it is a man or a woman). And only after some time (sometimes significant), young people, having become spouses, notice each other moralitynew component(loyalty, hard work, caring for one’s neighbor, love for children, compassion, kindness, generosity, trust, the ability to forgive another’s mistakes, modesty, sincerity, etc.), which will determine the strength and purity of family ties in the subsequent years of life together. Nevertheless, the aesthetic component cannot be forgotten.

There are certain principles that determine the stability of a family and its spiritual comfort.

One of them can be formulated as follows: "What is being done inthe name of the family, its benefits, are not worthy of condemnation and criticism.”

For example, a young housewife, wanting to please her husband with some new dish, violated the cooking technology, any proportions (over-salted, undercooked, over-peppered, undercooked, etc.). The dish, prepared for the first time, required a lot of effort and considerable time from the wife. However, her hopes were not justified. A loving husband, firstly, will notice his wife’s distress and, secondly, will never say: “What have you prepared?”, or anything in a more harsh, offensive form. Another example. On the eve of the New Year (March 8th, etc.) the husband went around a dozen stores looking for gifts for his wife and children. He tried to please his household and give them a surprise. However, the gifts were selected and purchased unsuccessfully, in a hurry, and ineptly. Well-mannered family members are unlikely to rejoice at gifts or admire them (this would be hypocrisy), but they will certainly thank their husband, son-in-law, father and, of course, will not say: “Why did you buy all this?” or: “I just wasted my money.”

The following principle: do not try to re-educate your spouse (soupruga). In the relationship between husband and wife there should be no bosses and subordinates, educators and educated. In addition, according to the famous Soviet poet M.A. Svetlova, “only a poorly educated person always strives to play the role of an educator.”

Spouses must adapt to each other, influencing each other with approval (disapproval), stimulation, encouragement of desired actions, acts of judgment. Of course, it is preferable for some issues in the family to be resolved by a man or husband, while others should be resolved by a woman or wife. It is bad when all family concerns are entrusted to one of the spouses. The question “Who is the boss in the family?” - often far-fetched, artificial, of interest more to sociologists and journalists than to loving spouses.

In communication between people, and especially in family life, an exceptional role is played by tact as a manifestation of a person’s culture and upbringing. Tact is manifested in a sense of proportion, respect for other people's opinions, the interests of others, the ability to control oneself, and a caring attitude towards household members. In this case, tact should be shown by all family members towards each other. Parents, for example, can advise their son or daughter to dress, so to speak, according to the season and the occasion, but they must do this tactfully, without imposing their tastes, especially if the parents’ advice is addressed to fairly old children and is done peremptorily. Family life does not tolerate petty care, quibbles over trifles, whims, or unfounded claims against each other. All this, as a rule, is a consequence of selfishness, inflated self-esteem, and inability to control oneself. Let's say an employee came home from work tired, upset and did not greet his wife as usual, did not kiss her. In response, the wife reproaches her husband that work is more important to him than family, that he does not love her, etc. The husband is wrong in this situation, since one of the principles of family life says: no nobring troubles from your service to your family. The family, of course, should protect a person from work stress, but not by discussing the work situation, who is right and who is wrong, but by switching attention to relatives and beloved family members, their interests and concerns, to organizing joint recreation and recreational activities. However, the wife also acted incorrectly and selfishly. Feeling the depressed state of her husband, she should not have made a claim against her husband, but helped him relieve tension with a kind word, affection, a beautiful dinner, and good news.

If there is (should exist) a certain barrier between the service and the home, then there must also be barrier between family and work. Of course, the conditions of family life (relationships between spouses and other family members, everyday life, material wealth, conditions for healthy recreation and development) leave a noticeable imprint on the employee, his mood, work activity, relationship with colleagues, etc. However, this does not mean that, for example, an employee will compensate for a bad mood on his subordinates and colleagues, that he will share family information with colleagues. Such behavior indicates weakness of will or promiscuity of the employee.

Small, but as frequent as possible, very beneficial effects on family life. “signs of attention” of spouses. These include tickets to your favorite theater, a bouquet of flowers, a gift for a holiday, a favorite dish on the table, a reception of guests, a candlelit dinner, a bottle of champagne, and a joint outdoor recreation. Moreover, it is not the price of the “sign of attention” that plays a decisive role here, but the feelings that accompany it. As people say: “I don’t care about your gift. Dear your love! At the same time, there is no need to look for special occasions to give flowers to your wife, or a tie or pen to your husband. Of course, for an anniversary, wedding anniversary, birth of a child, or spouse’s birthday, the gift should be more meaningful. But again, if the material value of a gift is determined by the financial capabilities of the family, then its aesthetic and moral values ​​are determined by the purity, sincerity and strength of the congratulatory feelings.

Family is one of the most important human values. A person largely lives and works for the sake of his family, its well-being, prosperity, and happiness. Therefore, the employee’s desire for material wealth, aesthetic comfort at home, the desire to make, as they say, a full house, is natural and normal. But everyday life should not become an end in itself, when it is not the material environment that serves a person, but he serves it, sometimes becoming a slave to his things (furniture, paintings, sets, wardrobe, cars, etc.). The cleanliness and comfort of the home, the availability of necessary and sufficient household items that facilitate household work and create conditions for healthy rest and raising children are the main criteria for the material component of the family. The basis of a true family, we emphasize once again, is its spiritual state, i.e. care, attention, love, friendship, compassion, community of interests and, as it may seem strange, the closeness of views of both spouses and children on such concepts as “Motherland”, “faith”, “ideal”, “duty” , even if these words are not spoken out loud in the family.

Of course, life in a hostel, a communal apartment, in the private sector, in a house “without amenities,” etc. creates serious obstacles to the normal development and maintenance of family relationships. Everyday life can even destroy a family (remember V.V. Mayakovsky), but not every family. It’s not for nothing that popular wisdom says: “It’s heaven in the hut with your sweetheart.” Minimal coziness and comfort can be created in any conditions. And you need to create. A print on the wall, a portrait of parents, flowers on the windowsill, a vase of flowers on the table, books on the shelf, fresh wallpaper, things made with your own hands, necessary household appliances, a radio, TV, washed dishes - all this affects people’s mood and can dull objective inconveniences of everyday life. An unpleasant impression is made by employees who have been living in temporary housing for years, doing nothing to improve it and improve its aesthetic appearance, believing that sooner or later they will leave their shelter. Dirty walls, crumpled doors, unpainted window frames, leaking taps, desolation, dullness, and wretchedness throughout. In such houses there are frequent quarrels, mutual reproaches, and undeserved insults. Rarely does a cheerful, neat, fit employee emerge from such a home, ready to successfully solve official problems.

Family life etiquette requires certain requirementsand to the appearance of spouses and other family members. In particular, he does not approve of sloppiness in clothing, when, for example, a wife walks around the apartment in a filthy robe from morning to evening, and the husband sports a T-shirt and tights with blisters on his knees. Home clothes should be simple, comfortable, but not devoid of aesthetic appeal. A break from service does not mean a break from what constitutes standards of decency.

Sociological research shows that sometimes adultery is based on purely everyday reasons. A neat man, who takes care of himself due to his upbringing and conditions of service, cheats on his slovenly and mismanagement wife. He finds rest and joy after the service with another woman, who always meets him with her hair combed, elegantly and tastefully dressed, in a clean, comfortable apartment, at a well-served table.

Due to occupation, education, health status, etc. family members have their own passions and hobbies. But in a family there must also be common interests that unite all members of the household. These interests can be of an aesthetic or household (economic) nature, related to raising children, organizing recreation, or caring for a sick family member. Watching TV shows together or reading and discussing works of art, going out into nature with the whole family, visiting concerts, museums, theaters, working in the garden, artistic creativity of family members, playing together at home or in the fresh air are useful. It is especially important to encourage and stimulate any manifestations of creativity in the younger generation.

One of the most important functions of the family is childbearing functiontion. As the famous song says, children are the “peak of love”, they are a “great miracle”. Over the years, children become the main raison d'être of the family, the center of attraction and the hope of parents. True, if at first (especially up to 12-14 years old) children need their parents more, then later, when the children leave their native nest, the parents begin to need their children more and more. Moreover, this need, as a rule, is not of a material, but of a spiritual, moral order. It is useful for young parents to know about this from the first years of marriage.

What their children will become and what they will inherit from them depends on the parents, their physical and moral health, and lifestyle. Children take from their parents not only the best traits, but, unfortunately, also their bad inclinations and habits, and sometimes even physical illnesses. It is not harmful for people getting married to become familiar with this in advance and take it into account in family life.

The first introduction of children to beauty occurs in the family. The role of parents here is difficult to overestimate. The great Italian dreamer Tommaso Campanella wrote in “The City of the Sun” that in order to give birth to a child who is beautiful in soul and body, the expectant mother must live among beautiful people, listen to good music, and look at beautiful paintings by artists.

The aesthetic hobbies of parents (music, theater, poetry, painting, cinema, handicrafts), their attitude to beauty, artistic decoration of the home - all this does not go unnoticed by children and lays the foundation for their aesthetic worldview. A rainbow in the full sky, seen in early childhood, a dragonfly on the float of a fishing rod, a church on a slope, a branch covered with frost, the architecture of his hometown remain in the child’s memory and subsequently serve as a kind of criterion for evaluating both works of art and the surrounding world.

Dialectics of aesthetic education in the family is carried out almost according to the classical formula: from living contemplation to abstract thinking, and from this to the perception of works of art. The formula can be continued, since the aesthetic taste formed by works of art is manifested in a person’s perception of the world around him. So, without the poetry of A.S. Pushkina, A.A. Feta, F.I. Tyutcheva, S.A. Yesenin is hardly possible to correctly perceive and love his native nature. In the same way, it is difficult to do without the paintings of I.I. Levitan, F.A. Vasilyeva, I.I. Shishkina, A.K. Savrasova. Thus, the first step in a child’s aesthetic development of life is the family. It depends on the family whether the child, upon becoming an adult, will “live and create according to the laws of beauty,” which he will perceive from the etiquette of the family and life.

A.P. Chekhov put into the mouth of one of his heroes a phrase that became a catchphrase: “Everything in a person should be beautiful: face, clothes, soul, and thoughts.”

Not every face that is naturally beautiful can be called beautiful. If a person (man or woman) is cold, arrogant, selfish, angry, envious, two-faced, then no matter how beautiful he is, hardly anyone will call his face beautiful. A person’s appearance and his perception by others largely depends on the person’s moral virtues (sensitivity, sincerity, devotion, modesty, responsiveness, etc.). It also depends on his ability to dress, use cosmetics, and keep his body clean. The main requirements for clothing and shoes: neatness and compliance with the figure, age, lifestyle, circumstances, as well as fashion, as far as possible, of course. Clothes and shoes should emphasize your strengths and hide your figure's flaws. People with good taste, as a rule, have no questions about how and what to dress. Many people, unfortunately, do not have this taste.

A person who is actively involved in sports, tourism, in clothes and shoes prefers jackets, jeans, sneakers, sweaters, T-shirts, sports trousers, etc. At the same time, the wardrobe should include a formal suit, an evening dress for a special occasion, going to the theater, or visiting official institutions. Shoes (clean and in good condition) must match the suit or dress. Only black and dark gray shoes are suitable for dark-colored clothing; shoes in brown, yellow, and especially white colors are not acceptable. Light-colored shoes are worn with light-colored clothing. Sports shoes (for all their comfort) with a formal suit look ridiculous. If the suit is colorful, then the shirt and blouse should be the same color. Shirts and blouses in light colors go well with a dark-colored suit.

Accessories (gloves, mufflers, ties, handbags, jewelry, socks, stockings, etc.) play an important role in the clothing of men and women. With skillful use of this wardrobe addition, you can significantly diversify your appearance and reduce the volume of your wardrobe. The use of accessory parts requires compliance with a number of requirements. Thus, the color and texture of gloves should be in harmony with shoes and a handbag or a hat and scarf; a colorful tie rarely goes with a colored shirt. The tie should also be in harmony with the suit. If the suit is colorful, checkered, then the tie should be plain. In clothing, as in everything else, one must observe a sense of proportion. As one wise man said: “In clothes, try to be graceful, but not dandy; the sign of grace is decency, and the sign of panache is excess.”

It is also important to remember: what is acceptable and decent in clothes and shoes at the dacha, on a hike, on the beach, is not acceptable or undesirable at work, in public places. For example, shorts and flip-flops in a city environment are unlikely to decorate an employee, even if he is walking the dog, taking out the trash in the yard of his house, or buying a newspaper at the nearest kiosk.

Family life is rarely complete without guests and visits. The ability to make visits and receive guests demonstrateshuman culture. The hospitality of the host does not depend on the quantity and quality of drinks and snacks (although this is important), but on the cordiality of the hosts, their sincere interest in the guests, the need to communicate with them, and the ability to organize this communication. The desire of some hosts to give their guests alcohol at any cost indicates either their desire to have a drinking companion at the table, or their inability to organize an interesting meeting or conversation, or a lack of genuine interest in the guest.

The opinion that receiving guests without vodka, cognac, whiskey is indecent, unwelcome, and un-Russian is deeply mistaken. Strong drinks do not promote friendly communication and even more so interfere with business conversations. If it is unusual for the hosts to receive guests over tea, you can decorate the table with good wine and drink beer. The number of expensive drinks and gastronomic delicacies speaks about the financial capabilities of the hosts, and not about their art of hosting guests. An elegant tablecloth, home-cooked dishes taking into account the tastes of the guests, the hospitality of the hosts, a thoughtful program for entertaining friends of hospitality. It is important to remember that people visit not for a tasting, but for the sake of friendly communication. When visiting, it should be comfortable for everyone.

Thus, the etiquette of family life is an important condition for the strength and maturity of the family, the key to the successful implementation of all its functions, the basis for a full and happy life for each of its members. True family etiquette is a necessary step in a person’s entry into society, a prerequisite for his career and friendly communication.