The love of a mother for a child is a wonderful feeling. The fate of overprotected children: how excessive mother's love cripples the souls of children
Mom for any baby is the dearest, closest and beloved person. Even in the mother's womb, a strong bond arises between the unborn baby and the mother. He already feels his mother's mood, reacts to her psychological state. The first voice he hears while in his tummy is his mother's. The first few years after birth, the baby continues to unquestioningly love his mother, whatever she may be. To lay love for the mother in the baby means to instill in him in the future the instinct of motherhood or fatherhood. Over time, your child will become not just a loving son or daughter, but also a loving husband or wife.
4 173311
Photo gallery: How to bring up love for mother in a child
The main reasons for the disappearance of a child's feelings of love for his mother
The child may be colder towards the mother if the mother is strict towards the baby, or she may be constantly busy and not always pay attention to the child. With his bad behavior towards his mother, the baby tries to attract due attention. In addition, if mothers spend the whole day with children, it is much more interesting for kids to play with dad, whom they see only in the evenings or with grandparents, who come once a week, but at the same time manage to pamper the baby in such a way that mom and dad cannot taken together. And the mother is just a storehouse of prohibitions for the child: “don’t go there”, “don’t touch it”, “don’t do that” and so on.
Raising a child to love a mother
Question: "How to bring up love for mother in a child?" some mothers ask themselves too late. You need to start from the moment of his birth, and preferably even nine months before birth. The baby feels your love for him. It is important for him to see his mother balanced, smiling, loving and calm. If a mother has negative emotions, no matter who or what they are connected with, the child can take them in his direction. How a child treats his mother depends on his whole future life. The upbringing of the baby in the family takes place in a certain social environment. In many ways, this situation depends on the woman. It is the mother who teaches the child to love himself by her own example. The kid feels all her care. It is not only maternal love that is needed to instill love for a mother in a child. A mother must have incredible patience and poise. Any kid catches the sincerity of your attitude towards him. It is important for him to feel that you are not just messing around with him, as this is your duty, but you really care and worry about your child. Raising a baby is not as easy as it sometimes seems. All the mistakes that you make in raising a baby can affect his attitude, both to his mother and to all people in general. The child should feel that he is loved and desired. Then he will give his reciprocal love to his mother, try to constantly please her.
Being a mother is a real happiness. You especially understand this when your child says with such tenderness: “Mom, I love you!”. But, unfortunately, mothers do not always hear this phrase from their children. It seems that you love this little creature more than life, and are ready to sacrifice everything in the world for him, and treated him with special love even before his birth, and as a result you hear: “I don’t love you!” “You are a bad mother!”, And other sharp and heart-pounding phrases. Almost all parents can hear this. Moms begin to despair, to look for the reason for such statements. Often these phrases do not mean at all that the baby does not love his mother. They can be the result of prohibitions, punishments, not fulfilling the desires and demands of the child. Thus, the baby draws your attention to the fact that he is not satisfied with something, offended. With the same success, he may not talk to you, go cry and scatter his pears. In such a situation, the mother must behave correctly. In no case should you scold the baby for such expressions, do not use physical force in relation to the crumbs, do not be indifferent and do not make concessions, doing whatever he wants.
What is baby love
Of course, the most sincere and strongest love of a child is the love that he feels towards his mother.
She is born at the beginning of childhood, when he understands that his mother is always there and does everything to the baby was comfortable.
When a baby sees the joy he brings to his parents, he is faced with the first manifestations of love towards himself. It happens that children play on the feelings of their parents, telling their parents that they do not love them.
But this has absolutely no basis in fact. About children's love, you can say that it is unpredictable. Mom bought a toy yesterday, so I love it.
And today I forbade eating candy - it means I don’t like it. Children's love is not yet full love, but an expression of their affection and need for your presence.
How does it manifest
The love of a child for his mother is manifested in the fact that he always reaches out to her, at any moment he is ready to kiss and hug. At a younger age, the child constantly looks at his mother, he smiles at her and holds out his hands.
And as he gets older, he is ready to feel sorry for his mother if he sees that she is not feeling well. A child constantly needs a mother and wants her to always be there.
If the child feels guilty, he tries to please mom and dad in order to earn their good attitude again.
The kid can be annoying if he wants to attract attention to himself, but this attention is not given to him for a long time. Often children show their affection in creativity, for example, in drawings in which they depict themselves and their mother.
At the age of three, love can be expressed in a jealous attitude. Jealousy can be identified by such actions as:
- Whims and unreasonable desires that actually serve to get mom's attention.
- The child may express dissatisfaction to the mother that she does not love him as much as someone else, such as a brother, sister or dad.
- May show aggression towards the one to whom the mother pays attention so that it belongs only to him.
- The child may close in on himself or act contrary to the words of the parents.
- Inappropriate and negative reaction to the praise of another child or adult.
Often mothers are pleased with such behavior, as they are pleased with the love of the child. And with their reaction, they reinforce the child to continue to act according to this scheme.
It is highly undesirable to encourage such behavior, because it leads to a distorted idea of \u200b\u200blove in the future.
It is better to tell the child that he is just as important to the mother as his brother, sister or father, that there is enough room in her heart for all of them, and that he should not worry about losing his mother's love.
When a mother decides not to go along with the child, but to explain reality to him as rationally as possible, she prepares him for an adequate perception of the feeling of love in the future.
It is important not to reject the feelings of the child so that he does not feel lonely and orphaned, but to understand, listen and assure that his mother will always be there.
What psychologists say
At an early age, a child can only receive parental love and care. Over time, children begin to understand that it is also necessary to give another person their feelings.
Children's love for parents is a manifestation of the first sincere positive feelings. And this is rather the beginnings of true love, and not love itself.
This is affection and understanding that parents are ready for anything, if only the baby feels safe and happy. But how much a child learns to love himself, take care of another person and build harmonious relationships depends on how the parents behave.
They are the main example for the child. Looking at parents, the child learns to build his relationships with the outside world and people.
The child must be taught the correct understanding of love and relationships with people. You need to teach the child to cooperate and make it clear that his feelings and demands are just as important as the feelings of other people.
If this is not explained in time, the child may never experience true love, but remain an egoist for life.
Child's love for mother
Mother for a child is the most important part of his life, so she must show her love to the child and teach him to love. With love for the mother, the first steps of the child into the world of adult feelings begin.
Love is always a mutual and sincere interest in each other, it is a desire to give this person all the best and experience the joy of the opportunity to take care of a loved one.
Children begin to truly love their parents when they are really interested in them. When they do not consider another childish idea stupid, but support and play along with it.
When they are sincerely interested in their feelings and help if this help is needed. When parents support any, even the craziest ideas of a child, he grows up happy, successful and creative.
Set aside your non-urgent tasks so that at least an hour in the evening can be completely devoted to the child. Listen to your children, look for the best in them, and then they will grow up to be people who can show real feelings and love.
Video: baby love
Love, like a heartfelt attachment, arises throughout life for different people. But it is believed that there is nothing stronger than a mother's feelings for her baby. This is wrong. There is something more infallible - the love of a child. Trusting adoration and faith in the perfection of parents, represented by demigods, who warm, feed, help overcome difficulties. How is this feeling formed, and what transformations does it undergo during life?
mother in child's life
A woman wakes up maternal instinct immediately after the birth of a baby. But paternal love is formed gradually. It becomes the strongest when there is an opportunity to transfer skills, to teach something. Mother from an early age spends more time with the baby, breastfeeds, shows care and affection. Therefore, from the first days, the love of a child for his mother grows out of a relationship of dependence and an inextricable bond. Communication with her newborn is so important for his development that the deprivation of contact for up to three months can lead to irreversible disorders of mental development.
The attitude towards the father as the person who gave life is formed by the mother. It is she who broadcasts how to treat him, what is his role in the life of the baby, what he is. In fact, the woman becomes an intermediary between the child and the father. The feelings of the baby to the parent largely depend on her efforts and desire to give a full-fledged upbringing to the newborn.
The love of a child is the desire to imitate
By the beginning of the formation of consciousness (3 years), children are affirmed in the opinion that the best people on earth are mom and dad. They have real tenderness for their parents. It manifests itself in countless compliments, upholding the position in the courtyard that they are the kindest, most beautiful, caring, and also in the desire to become the same. At two years old, the child grabs the brush, but does it for the sake of interest in an unusual object. Already at three, the girl tries to sweep to be like her mother. She puts on her dress, turns in it in front of the mirror, repeats her habits.
The boy strives to be like his father, realizing his gender. Admiring him, he duplicates mannerisms, behavior, even appearance. Demanding the same haircut, comparing hair color, jealously listening to the conversations of adults about how much the son looks like his father. It represents the future profession approved by the parent. With pleasure he adopts skills, observes his attitude towards other people, women, mothers.
romantic affection
At the same age, the boy begins to experience the romantic adoration of the mother, and the girl - the father. The love of children for their parents resembles the relationship of adults. If earlier they were dependent on them, now mom and dad have become a model of femininity and masculinity. The kid does not represent another woman next to him. After all, his mother is the most beautiful and kind. At the age of four, he is even able to make a marriage proposal to his main woman. Poorly imagining the purpose of marriage, he can be jealous of his own father, who takes away his mother's attention from him. Such an erotic attitude is described by the psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud as
At an unconscious level in later life, the boy will choose a woman who resembles his own mother. And the girl is a father, to whom she begins to feel possessive. The desire to take care of him is so strong that she is able to advise her mother to go somewhere for a while in order to be able to surround him with attention. A similar attitude is described as the romantic love of children for their parents fades over the years, preparing for the formation of new feelings for future wives and husbands.
Divided equally
The kid always perceives mother and father as an inseparable whole. A child's love for their parents is the same, no matter what behavior they are actually shown. Conflicting with each other, spouses often try to prove that the baby's attachment to them is stronger, putting a son or daughter in a difficult position of choice, which they often cannot do. If they were not subjected to obvious violence from one of their parents, experiencing fear and rejection, then the requirement of preference forms either before the father or before the mother.
This proves that the love of a child is more perfect than that of a parent. At an early stage, he does not need any benefits and advantages. He does not evaluate the time devoted to this or that parent - it does not matter to him who played with him more and who less. He perceives his mother and father as part of himself, therefore he fulfills the mission of their reconciliation at any cost, sometimes quite ill.
Love contrary
Children's attachment to parents is strong on a subconscious level. And it is explained by the fact that mother and father gave life. This feeling is selfless. It is liberated from desires, and therefore the most pure and real. But a good picture of the world for children exists only as long as there is harmony in their relationship with their parents. Its destruction is the neglect of parental responsibilities by adults. But even such a shock (beatings, alcoholism, self-withdrawal from raising children) is not capable of killing the love of a child.
There are many examples when children run away from orphanages to unlucky parents in order to take care of them, convince them to receive treatment, and earn money for their needs. They believe to the last in their drunken tears, without judging, no matter what they do. This is correct according to God's laws, which says: "Honor your father and mother." Condemnation of parents is a sin correlated with renunciation of God.
parent boomerang
As they grow older, the unconditional trust of children in the world of adults is lost. Faced with lies, injustice, misunderstanding on the part of parents, the child begins to doubt the sincerity of feelings for himself. He is looking for confirmation of the manifestation of love in the actions of adults. While they get used to focus more on words. A child's love for parents in adolescence is a reflection of the feelings that he receives from them. In psychology this is called
A school conflict in which parents supported the teacher without understanding the situation to the end, rejection of friends, interests, opinions of the child - everything can cause uncertainty in their love. The teenager begins to provoke situations to obtain confirmation of the need for his own father and mother: from imitation of the disease to running away from home.
elderly parents
Some in old age are surrounded by attention and care, becoming the center of a large multigenerational family. Others are abandoned and forgotten in life, forced to spend time alone. The different attitude of children to elderly parents lies in the plane of education. A child's love for mom and dad, a bright and pure feeling given from birth, is lost over the years for many reasons, the main of which are:
- the absence of a positive example of attitude towards the older generation on the part of the parents themselves;
- boomerang effect;
- overprotection throughout life.
Whatever happens, communication with elderly parents is necessary not only as a token of gratitude for the gift of life, but also as an example to their own children, whose respect everyone will need in old age.
If a mother admits to herself that she does not have the proper feelings for her child, this discovery becomes a test for her.
This can be felt especially clearly if the family already has children, and everything was completely different with them.
If you visualize this experience, then you can see a small, unhappy, unloved child and next to him an equally unhappy mother. Who would like to give love to her child, but cannot.
In my practice, I saw several reasons for this condition, and accordingly, the ways to solve the problem were different.
1) It happens that the feeling of love for the child may not be recognized, as it is buried under a feeling of anger, under the aggression that the child causes.
When we visualize these negative feelings, it turns out that the aggression is directed not at the child, but at the mother's mother. It's amazing, but I've seen this "trick" more than once. Being angry with the child, the mother is angry with her mother. She seems to see in the child, in his gestures, in his behavior, something that reminds her of her mother. And the problems with the mother are not completely resolved. There are many insults, humiliations, there is uncertainty and dislike, stretching from childhood. In the visualizations, the mother is herself a small, unhappy, scolded girl. And when she sees her child, all these negative feelings from childhood break out of her unconscious in the form of aggression.
The solution here can only be a return to the situations of the past associated with the mother, and methodical work to reformat these situations. If you carry a bag with something very unpleasant, life cannot be pleasant at the present moment until the bag is unloaded, that's a fact.
After resentment and anger are resolved, you can look at your child in a new way and be free to choose your feelings.
2) Sometimes mothers do not experience tenderness and love with either the first or the second child. Although, it would seem, they also do not experience negative feelings.
What could be the problem here?
Mom may not have a model of love. No. Their mother was not cruel to them, but she did not show her feelings either. Therefore, she does not know what tenderness is. Mom adopted the Snow Queen model as the only possible way to contact the children.
In this case, you need to connect your imagination, see what models of behavior and feelings you can try on yourself, choose the right model for yourself, and then see what prevents you from realizing such a model of relationships with children (something will definitely interfere, because if one model " The Snow Queen already exists, which means that it is good and convenient in its own way, and therefore it will be necessary to seriously “justify” the replacement of the model).
3) There is another "dislike" for children. It manifests itself when a child is disabled, or not smart enough/healthy/handsome, etc.
It is very strange and unusual to love someone who a priori “does not deserve” love.
This comes from our society, from its attitude towards inferior people. And it is very difficult to overcome the inertia of this pattern of behavior and sensations. But who said it's impossible?
Once I talked with a mother who suffered that her son, although not a sick boy, could not yet be as developed as other children. She pushed him away from her, at the same time suffering from the fact that she had to do it.
We analyzed her feelings of inferiority, her relationship with her mother - all that is usually sorted out in such a case. And the moment has come when a person suddenly realizes that his actions are determined not by circumstances, but by his personal choice.
I said, “You can choose how you treat the child. He is strange, his behavior is strange, his development lags behind his peers. But nothing prevents you from loving him the way you want to, accepting him completely. But you can not do this, then let's see how you will feel next to the child, not loving him.
As you may have guessed, the choice was in favor of love. And what is most valuable, the choice was made not for the child, but for himself. The one who loves is simply happier than the one who does not love. This is an axiom. So why not be happier? 😉
"The only love I believe in is the love of a mother for her child." Karl Lagerfeld
“When I realize to the point of despair that I am a bad mother, I begin to catch up in a hurry, to suck up and please. But in this profession, you can’t make up for the loss. ” Ludmila Gurchenko
“Before I had a child, I thought I knew everything about myself. The boundaries of my heart were explored and how wonderful it was to understand that this was not the limit. My love can be limitless." Uma Thurman
"It is doubtful that in the whole universe there is anything more gratifying than the feelings that awaken in the heart of a mother at the sight of her child's tiny slipper." Victor Hugo.
"I am a mother, and a mother is never alone." Catherine Deneuve
"The best place for tears is mom's hugs." Jodi Picoult
"Thank you mom for teaching me how to dream." Jared Leto
"A mother should always think twice - first of all for the child, only then for herself." Sophia Loren
"My mom is the only person I can give diamond jewelry to." Leonardo DiCaprio
“I found out that being a baby is much more difficult. Motherhood is incomparable to what it is like to be a child.” Eva Mendes
“Motherhood has made me more open and receptive to the world. I began to judge people less, became less strict towards them. Natalie Portman
“Motherhood has changed me a lot. I realized that now I can’t afford to engage in self-destruction.” Angelina Jolie
“Motherhood is wonderful and magical. But it's very tiring." Scarlett Johansson
“Mom is the name of God on the lips and in the hearts of babies.” William Thackeray
"Real motherhood is courageous." Marina Tsvetaeva
"Biology is the last thing that makes a woman a mother." Oprah Winfrey
“A mother's love is omnipotent, primitive, selfish, and at the same time disinterested. It doesn't depend on anything." Theodore Dreiser
“A man loves his mother almost unconsciously, without feeling, because it is as natural as life itself. No other attachment is comparable to this one, because all the others are accidental, and this one is innate, all the others are imposed on us later by various life circumstances, and this one lives from our first day in our very blood. Guy de Maupassant
“If men had to give birth, none of them would have more than one child.” Princess Diana
“It doesn’t matter how old you are and what you have achieved: you still need a mother.” Kate Winslet
