How to get rid of excessive modesty? How to overcome modesty? Overcoming shyness once and for all: advice from a psychologist.

Shyness and insecurity are problems that are quite difficult to deal with. What is the nature of this phenomenon, does shyness have advantages and how to overcome your shyness? Let's try to figure it out.

The problem of shyness

Open and courageous people do not understand the state of shy people. Shy people are embarrassed to approach a stranger and ask what time it is. They may neglect their own interests only because timidity prevents them from speaking.

Shyness appears in childhood: a child can be frightened a large number of people, and it is difficult for him to get acquainted with his peers. Some scientists believe that shyness may be an inherited trait. Nevertheless, shyness most often leads to the appearance of complexes and fears, as well as banal self-doubt.

Shyness has its perks.

Shy people need to know that they have certain advantages. Let's name some of them.

1. Intensive self-development. It is difficult for a shy person to communicate with other people, but it is easy for him to be with himself. Shy people are constantly engaged in introspection, so they easily isolate their shortcomings and try to work on them.
2. Anonymity. Who would have thought that in the 21st century it is almost impossible for an ordinary person to do anything without the knowledge of society? But social networks, mobile phones and a bunch of applications that report our location make it almost impossible to have privacy. It is easier for shy people to get lost in the crowd: they are quiet, so they attract less attention.
3. The ability to choose friends. Shy people know how to observe and draw the right conclusions. That is why they are picky in their relationships, both intimate and public. In addition, they know how to listen, so they are always good interlocutors.

How to overcome shyness?

For all its merits, shyness still makes you constantly doubt your decisions and sometimes just gets in the way. No one can force you (and you don’t need to) to be the soul of the company, constantly be in the spotlight or get to know everyone in a row. However, in order to reach an understanding with colleagues or family members, you need to take some bold steps towards saying goodbye to shyness. Therefore, if you think that your shyness has begun to interfere with you, then you should add more confidence to your actions.

So, here are 5 simple tips that will help you overcome shyness.

• Know your limits. Don't do or say anything that makes you uncomfortable. You must understand what you are sure of and what is easy for you, and what you should prepare for in advance. If you can't have long conversations with someone who is too outspoken, or work in a team, then don't do it. There is no need to torture yourself.
• Set your priorities. Your values ​​are a kind of "beacons" that you are guided by. Try to figure out what is really important to you. If you do not, then any situation can undermine your confidence.
• Train your skills. Your self-confidence will come along with your competence. If you are driving, then you must be sure that you are a good driver. If you are a teacher, then you should know that you are giving enough knowledge to students and doing it well.
• Take a look at people. Do not compare them with yourself, but try to see the personality of each. Imagine that each person has his own fears and complexes. They are not sure either. Then why should they be embarrassed? They are people just like you.
• Positive. Treat everything with humor. Finally, you decided to ask a stranger for directions and stumbled from excitement and forgot what you wanted to say? Imagine your face at this moment and laugh at yourself.

A positive attitude towards your shortcomings will eradicate your complexes. Work on yourself!

Modesty, of course, adorns a person. But only in reasonable quantities. And sometimes there are times when it really gets in the way. At an important meeting, you can’t squeeze out a word, your face is filled with color, and from embarrassment you just want to fall through the ground. Are you familiar with this? Shyness can and should be overcome.

How to get rid of shyness and insecurity

This problem is posed to very tight people who find it difficult to communicate, since their level of verbal relationships is quite low. As a rule, they are prevented from discussing generally accepted topics, as well as about relationships, by a small vocabulary, stereotyped thinking, and excessive idealization of communication as current.

Reasons for shyness

The first aspect associated with a lack of literacy or objectivity of reasoning is solved by acquiring communication skills and increasing the level of one's intelligence.

This means that any person at any time is ready to communicate on absolutely any topic, since the necessary baggage of knowledge for discussing them is always with him. Therefore, do not think that the difficulty of communication will always arise for you.

It also does not matter that you will constantly reflect on what has been said. To overcome shyness, the main thing is not to try to look for an extraneous meaning in what was said to you, but to answer strictly the question posed.

Be yourself, shyness will go away on its own

The emergence of interest in a person also helps to get rid of shyness in a conversation, since it is then that what you receive in response is genuinely important to the brain. In fact, this means that the engine of communication is interest.

Your interest, your desire to learn something and possibly like it. It is worth brushing aside all thoughts that it is not interesting to talk with you, that your thoughts are boring, since there are always people who are not biased about this.

And perhaps this is the case if, even before talking about appearance and behavior, someone has an interest in you. Then they forgive you some hiccups, when you are required to just be real and speak for yourself.

There is a proverb: people are greeted by their clothes. Agree, when you are stylishly dressed and well-haired, it is much easier to feel more confident.

Are you satisfied with the reflection in the mirror? So you can start working on yourself.

A good workout is talking to a stranger. If a passer-by asks you for directions, don't automatically brush it off: "I don't know!" First think, maybe you will find a way to help the person navigate.

Ask the people around you more often what time it is. This can be done without much need. This exercise will help you overcome shyness. Pretty soon you will notice that you no longer have to overcome yourself to ask a stranger a question.

No need to hide emotions, whether positive or negative. And do not be afraid to seem too impulsive person. You will notice that people are not at all as critical of your every word as you thought before.

Change is always for the better

To get rid of shyness, you need to take failure philosophically. Being engaged in self-discipline, you are wasting your time, because everyone knows for a long time that only the one who does nothing is not mistaken.

Reconsider the circle of communication, it needs to be expanded. Have you liked to draw since childhood, but did not have enough time to paint? Sign up for courses and find new friends whose support you need.

Change your surroundings more often, go out into the world. To combat shyness, spend your vacation in an unusual way. Instead of the usual trip to the country, it is better to make a short trip abroad. Once in a country that you have long dreamed of visiting, you will forget about your fears. And besides, you will learn a lot of new things.

Set small but realistic goals every day. When the plan in the diary is completed by the evening, in addition to a sense of satisfaction, self-confidence will also appear.

How to stop being shy

How to overcome the fear of talking to strangers? Do not worry, many people experience bouts of shyness every day. To get rid of shyness, fears must be learned to control. An ordinary person differs from a "coward" only in that he controls his fear, and not at all in that he never has to experience it. Therefore, the main task in the fight against shyness will be to overcome fear in communicating with strangers.

How to overcome this fear and how to stop being shy of people forever? Here are some tips to help you:

If you feel uncomfortable in a large company of people or in a crowd, then in order to combat this kind of constraint, you need to regularly perform the following exercise. feel like a part of the world that surrounds you. Take your eyes off the asphalt and observe what surrounds you (houses, trees, people passing by).

Get to know your friends. Thus, the circle of your communication will quickly expand. To stop being afraid of people, try to communicate with them more.

Interact with complete strangers. Go up to a person on the street and ask him something: how to find a grocery store, if they like the color of your suit, etc. It's amazing, but only 10% of people do not want to communicate. The rest are very friendly.

Look people straight in the eye. At first, this may seem like a difficult task, but then you will realize that no one wants to "kill you with a look", and the feeling of discomfort and fear will immediately decrease. But remember that you should not stare or stare.

In public transport, get used to sitting next to another person, even if there are empty seats. This way you will show your cowardice that it is completely unfounded.

A very effective and unusual way to get rid of shyness is to imagine that the people around you are characters in a movie. You watch them through the TV screen. Then the fear disappears quickly.

Think about how your life could change if you finally overcame fear and successfully got rid of shyness and timidity. Remember and partially apply the above recommendations, and then you will understand that by getting rid of this problem, you become a happier, freer person, new horizons open up before you, you should not miss this chance!

Many of us condemn liberated, self-confident people, although in fact we want to be like them. This is not surprising, since such individuals strive to become the soul of the company, they energize and leave a piece of themselves after leaving. On the other hand, non-shy people seem self-confident and arrogant. One way or another, in order to overcome shyness, you need to study all aspects and draw up a competent plan. Let's talk about everything in order.

Reasons for shyness

1. People become shy when they spend a lot of time alone. The inability to communicate socially is caused by a lack of basic communication skills.
2. The genetic factor also contributed. If a child grows up in a family with shy parents, this feature will be transferred automatically.
3. Insecure people are often shy. This is due to constant criticism from others or low self-esteem imposed by the subconscious.
4. Fear of communication with others and, as a result, isolation, arise due to the experienced psychological trauma. A person tries to protect himself from future losses, so he becomes shy.
5. If a child lives in a family that regularly criticizes and humiliates him, the child will automatically grow up withdrawn. The same applies to children living in permanent bans.
6. There are people who are afraid to "fall into the mud face." This is due to public censure, a person does not want to be rejected by colleagues, friends, relatives and even unfamiliar people.
7. Stereotypes influence the formation of life principles. If a child has been constantly praised and had high expectations, he will try to do everything not to destroy the illusion. Such a person is afraid to express his thoughts in the future.

How to get rid of shyness

It should be remembered that isolation is not a vice. Young girls are much more attractive when a blush appears on their cheeks, and their voice trembles slightly. However, if such a feature prevents you from fully existing, you need to get rid of it.

Method number 1. Chat with strangers

1. In most cases, people become shy well in advance of interacting with strangers. Such behavior is erroneous, because you cannot baptize children with these people.
2. Accept invitations from friends to visit various parties, concerts, cinemas. Get in the habit of meeting at least 2 new people a month.
3. At first, you can smooth things over by making friends through social media. Start with VKontakte or Odnoklassniki, then make an appointment yourself when you're ready.
4. Get out more often. Visit crowded cafes and restaurants, crowded places. Stand in line, pay utility bills, communicate.
5. Engage in self-solving pressing issues. This applies more to visiting authorities and other serious offices (passport office, housing and communal services, tax, etc.).

Method number 2. Find new buddies

1. Visit social groups or register on forums where people share their doubts. Find someone with the same problem. Discuss with him the topic: "How to overcome shyness."
2. It is also recommended to find a person by the method of "on the contrary". It is important that a new acquaintance does not have complexes and shyness. This personality will constantly pull you out of your comfort zone. This will help loosen up.
3. Each person comes into your life for a reason. Choose a circle of communication in such a way that people of all social groups are present in it. Of course, you should not go into crime.
4. Whenever possible, communicate only with successful people. Create an idol for yourself, follow his path. Do not be afraid of your own mistakes, they are required for experience.

Method number 3. Do bold things

1. Analyze your life. Highlight the actions that you could not decide long time. Have you been planning to jump with a rope or a parachute for a long time? Dare!
2. Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, take a closer look at motor vehicles. People on two-wheeled iron horses look bold and confident. Unlearn category "A", buy a sports bike and equipment.
3. Acts that can overcome shyness include participation in television programs (in particular extras), beauty contests and other public appearances. Presenting your thoughts to the public will liberate you, most importantly, prepare carefully.
4. If you're a girl, wear an extravagant petite top or high heels. Reconsider your image, recolor your hair in a bright shade. Visit a fetish hangout, attend a charity event or become a volunteer.
5. People who experience long-term sympathy for the opposite sex should invite a person on a date. Take courage and dare, live for today.
6. In all of these actions, it is important to know the measure. Do not jump right off the bat, think about your own safety and morale. Do not run into trouble, carefully plan and predict all actions.

Method number 4. Gain confidence

1. In most cases, people become shy because of complexes that appear over the years or stem from childhood. To get rid of shyness, it is necessary to eliminate uncertainty in all possible ways.
2. If you don't feel comfortable because the weight class is over the top, go for it. Sign up for a gym, get rid of cellulite, go on a diet. Buy clothes that hide imperfections.
3. Revisit your image. Get a new haircut, change your hair color, go for a manicure and pedicure. Attend makeup courses, find "your" cosmetics, don't go out without makeup.
4. Get rid of the "junk". It includes old clothes with spools and outstretched knees, shabby shoes and bags, old jackets. Replace every discarded item with a new, more stylish and unusual one.
5. Evaluate your capabilities with regards to your current profession, develop in your career, increase your earnings. Try to communicate with people who have already achieved heights. Learn their secrets of success, share your own experience.
6. Love pushes for more, find a gentleman or life partner. Pretend for the sake of your loved one, make each other happy. A stable personal life adds confidence.

Method number 5. Describe yourself

1. Prepare a notebook, write down your positive aspects in it. Be sure to specify not only about mental and physical abilities, but also external data.
2. For example, you can write that you are positive, courageous, successful. It is desirable to clarify the ability to achieve goals and objectives, responsive nature, kindness.
3. If you are having difficulty with your characterization, contact your relatives or friends. Make a psychological portrait together.
4. You need to list as many positive qualities as possible. Number them for clarity. Hang the list on the refrigerator or bathroom mirror. Re-read every morning and believe in what you have written.
5. It is important to remember forever that a person is made up of his own thoughts and beliefs. Think positively about yourself, never doubt your own abilities.

Method number 6. Develop materially and spiritually

1. In the near future, you need to communicate more with versatile people. This method will increase your communication skills and relieve you of shyness.
2. To become an interesting conversationalist, develop spiritually. Read books, attend seminars on personal growth. Examine your social circle, remove those who pull you down.
3. Money plays a big role in the modern world. People who say otherwise are deeply mistaken. With the help of finances, you can secure a decent life, travel, and be confident in the future.
4. Isn't that what eradicates shyness?! Look for a more profitable profession or ways of additional income. Never stop. Get in the habit of raising your salary by at least 10% per month. At the same time, learn to procrastinate.
5. If you still don't know who you want to be, it's time to fix the situation. Analyze what you are drawn to the most. Perhaps to mathematics, art or other creativity? Do you like to work with your hands or your head? Based on this, shape yourself.

Method number 7. go in for sports

1. A decent physical shape raises self-esteem and morale. Gyms are visited by many people, so contact with them is often indispensable. Feel free to ask how to use certain simulators. Look for new acquaintances.
2. Agree with friends that you will throw off 5 kg. and pump up the buttocks, abs, arms. Limit yourself to specific limits. Start running, jump rope, squat.
3. It is not necessary to spend fabulous money on a subscription. Enjoy summer and winter sports without overpaying your hard-earned funds.
4. If you still decide to visit specific sections, consider Pilates, water aerobics, stretching, yoga, dancing of all directions, kickboxing, cross-fit.
5. In clubs you will be taught to behave liberated. The coach will tell you how to get rid of shyness and will do everything to ensure that you achieve your goals. Especially shy people should turn to a professional instructor in a particular sport.

Method number 8. Please your loved ones

1. Learn to give joy to relatives and close friends. In return, they will show gratitude to you, make compliments. In this simple way, you will gain confidence and stop doubting yourself.
2. Stop conflicts, do not harbor anger and resentment. They will eat you from the inside. Communicate with people politely, give tenderness and love to those who deserve it.
3. For your own peace of mind, start a calendar. Indicate in it significant dates, birthdays of your friends and relatives. It is important to understand that without social communication a person fades.

Identify the causes of shyness, eradicate them in a short time. Constantly work on yourself, do not stop there. Find passive income, climb the career ladder. Review your wardrobe and your image in general. Go in for sports, look for new circles of acquaintances, travel. Take the initiative in communicating with friends, improve your personal life, please loved ones.

Video: how to stop being shy

I have always been shy, and everyone considered me quiet. Mom likes to remember how in early childhood I hid behind her, finding myself in an unfamiliar company. As I grew up, my social phobia grew. I was sensitive, vulnerable, and these qualities are the perfect breeding ground for anxiety.

When they celebrated the bar mitzvah (the day on which a person, according to Jewish law, becomes an adult. - Approx. ed.) of my older brother, my shyness became obvious to everyone. I was 9 years old. As tradition dictates, I was to take the stage and give a speech. She was warmly received by those present, but I was in such tension that my nervous laughter gradually turned into tears. For me it was all too much. All I had to do was bury my face in my sister's shoulder to hide how nervous I was at having so many eyes fixed on me.

Everyone laughed, writing off what happened to my timidity and young age. But even as a young man, in my heart I remained the same frightened 9-year-old boy.

EVERYTHING IS SCARY AND SCARY

It was time for the boys in the class to become interested in the girls, and teasing became the norm. Then a wave of anxiety washed over me. Soft and modest by nature, I felt completely isolated, as if I were a child in the company of adults.

Fear whispered to me that people around me should judge me negatively: “he is quiet,” “he is not witty,” and (at the worst) “he is a bore.”

Among classmates, I could not be myself: the real one, the way I was at home, and I was losing faith in myself more and more.

I hated myself for everything: for mumbling when answering in class, for not being able to joke when a girl I liked turned to me

At school, to calm down a little, I closed myself in the toilet cubicle. It was the only place where I felt safe, where I didn't have to pretend to be anything. It gave me short moments of respite.

My endless slips have exhausted me completely. I hated myself for everything: for mumbling something indistinct when answering in class, for not being able to successfully joke when a girl I liked addressed me.

TOUCH THE SPIDER

In search of a way out, I tried both cognitive behavioral therapy and psychological counseling, but things stalled. I was looking for a quick and painless way to get rid of problems and I reasoned like a person who wants to get rid of the fear of spiders, but even for this I am not ready to touch a spider.

It took me a long time to realize that the psychologists were right: I needed to dare to face my fears. I began to realize that they literally paralyze me, control my life, determine my every decision. Fear was the chain that bound me.

I realized that two things bother me the most, and both of them are just a product of my imagination. This realization helped me get rid of my "chain", free myself from the suffocating grip of my fears.

Here are the discoveries I made for myself.

1. Awkward pauses are not necessarily my fault.

Every conversation is a two-way street. When I realized this, I was finally able to relax. Communication began to give me pleasure. If there was a pause in the conversation, I already understood that it was not necessarily about me. This does not mean that the interlocutor condemns me or considers me boring. I can not worry, not pretend and be myself.

2. NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME

This discovery gave me a sense of liberation. I was too self-centered, believing that people only think about me, think about my every word, what they care about, how I behave.

Am I myself endlessly busy thinking about their every action? So why did I decide that their thoughts are focused on my person? By seeing my erroneous judgments, I was finally able to face my fears.

I JUST WANT TO LIVE

If before I avoided people, now I willingly communicate with them. Sometimes I still get scared, but I remind myself that the main thing is to live, not to survive.

I'm still quiet, but when talking to someone, I no longer feel that my heart is about to jump out of my chest with excitement. I began to dream, much more than ever before. My anxiety bound me hand and foot like a straitjacket. Now I have become much freer and I see how many opportunities life opens up for me.

I used to live trying to be inconspicuous, now I try to just live.

My greetings to all! Everyone can be shy in certain situations. Our conversation is about the shyness that interferes with life and work. How to overcome shyness, we will consider in this material.

Disadvantage or trait?

If there is such a character trait, then in our time it is a real ballast, which must be urgently disposed of so that it does not interfere with achieving success in life.

Reasons for shyness:

• upbringing,
• heredity,
• appearance features,
• social status,
• the influence of the environment, etc.

For many, stiffness comes from childhood. If a child is constantly pulled up, not allowed to explore the world, then such self-doubt will develop in him that, as an adult, he will think how to overcome this feeling.

Do not suppress the initiative of the child, do not forbid finding new friends, just provide him with safety.

The main thing is not to be dismissive of him, do not humiliate him, avoid ridicule of him, especially in public, stop instilling fear in him. But at the same time, do not let him behave unleashed, create inconvenience to others.

The shyness of the child, when he is too small, is due to his insufficient adaptation in society. The environment can also develop a sense of inferiority, self-doubt. The opinion of others is especially important for a teenager.

In adolescents, this feeling is in an aggravated state, so never tell a girl that she is ugly, and a boy that he is a loser.

Frequent repetition of offensive words will impose a large inferiority complex on the child. It is also not necessary to overpraise, so as not to grow an arrogant arrogant.

Categories of shyness

People show this feeling in different ways, so it was divided into types. Types of shyness:

• Particularly shy people always experience tension, fear, awkwardness. This prevents them from finding a good job, starting a family.
• Adapted shy, who themselves were able to overcome this feeling, learned to adapt in an unfamiliar environment.
• Schizoid-introverted, when a person does not want to communicate with people at all, avoids any contact.
• Pseudo-schizoid shyness arises from social or physical inferiority. Many people who have low self-esteem try to compensate for it with unleashed behavior.
• Psychasthenic shyness is when people are afraid to stand out, do not want to be a leader. Such people may become addicted to alcohol.

With shyness, you will have to learn to live or try to get rid of it. This quality of personality in society is often perceived as delicacy and modesty, but it is still difficult for a person to live with it. Sometimes modesty reaches such proportions that they begin to dislike this person, so everything is fine, which is in moderation.

But we can often observe shameless people, which is also not very good. If a teenager has this quality, then it is extremely difficult to teach him the norms of a human hostel.

Ways to overcome shyness

Is it possible to overcome this feeling? Experts have deduced several rules that help to become more sociable and liberated.

1. You need to communicate more with strangers.
2. Do daring things without breaking the law. Try giving a speech to a large audience or singing a song, attending a TV show audition. A very good way is to sign up with a charitable organization to participate in public actions. It will be a brave act for a girl to ask a guy out on a date.
3. Become a confident person by overcoming your complex. If you have complexes about your appearance, go in for fitness, go to the hairdresser, change your wardrobe, take care of your face, hair, nails. Conquer everyone with your well-groomed appearance.
4. Change your profession so that you can climb the corporate ladder, start making good money, it is especially important for guys, because they are considered to be the earners. Finally, arrange your personal life. Anyone who is happy in marriage does not pay attention to complexes at all.
5. Find a friend who is not clamped down by complexes. Try to learn from him to be relaxed, but not untied.
6. Choose the right profession, where you can show your abilities and talents, communicate a lot with different people. The following professions will help remove shyness: journalist, presenter, tour guide, artist, politician and social activist, client manager.
7. Another problem is the computer. Get less immersed in the virtual world, go out to people more.

Method for determining the degree of isolation in a child

Children who are afraid of everything, blush for any reason, will have many problems in adulthood. Parents can determine the degree of self-esteem of their child. There is a special diagnostic called "Ladder".

Put a sheet of paper in front of the child where the ladder is drawn. Encourage your child to put themselves on any step.

• If a child has chosen 1 or 2 steps, then his self-esteem is too low.
• If a student put himself on the 3rd, 4th, 5th step, then everything is in order with his self-esteem.
• If he drew himself on the 6th or 7th step, then his self-esteem is high or even inflated.

The test should help parents find the right solution to the problem. In the first case, parents need to help the child see a personality in himself, start praising him for the work done, saying that he will succeed. The third case is good, but may interfere with the child in the future. After all, it will not always be only praised and stroked on the head. In this case, helping the weak, sick will help. Most importantly, don't overdo it.

Diagnosis - social phobia

If you are often insecure about yourself, often think: “What will people say?”, Then your diagnosis is social phobia. There are a lot of such people. They are afraid of condemnation of people from outside. So they start to worry even more. Scroll over and over again all the words spoken to him in communication.

Is it possible to get rid of social phobia? Exercises have been developed to help you live a normal life.

1. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
2. Do what you fear.
3. Never remember your failures, only the good and pleasant.
4. Feign confidence. Stand in the middle of the room, straighten your back, speak louder at first, and then a little slower.
5. Practice speaking slowly. People who suffer from social phobia always speak too quickly and slurredly. Therefore, they always say not what they wanted to say, they just do not have time to think about their words.
6. Allow yourself to worry, because this is normal.
7. Never compare yourself to others, accept yourself as you are. You are a unique, inimitable person.
8. Smile more often, because a smile is a sign of self-confident people.
9. Think of yourself only well, encourage yourself for success, praise.
10. Do not try to please everyone, it is unrealistic.
11. Change your place of residence in order to start life differently - not a squeezed and constrained person.
12. Believe in yourself, remove negative thoughts.

Dear friends, we are all shy to one degree or another, you just need to believe in yourself, love yourself, as a creation of nature, then all phobias will go away forever.