How to become a good grandmother to your granddaughter. Successful league

Being a good mother is not difficult. Well, what about grandmothers? After all, no one writes books about how to become the favorite of your grandchildren. Everywhere there are only tips for mothers. And who will teach the older generation? First, remember 15 safe phrases that you should never say:

“I’m older, so I know better”

Believe me, with such words you are more likely to cause irritation in your children and grandchildren, but not respect! Of course, vast life experience can sometimes come in handy. But by uttering this phrase, you literally humiliate a person, as if hiding its second meaning: “You are not mature enough yet!”

“This was not the case in our times”

If you are going to teach your children and give them valuable instructions, then think objectively. Your times are long gone; there is no reason to rely on them or transfer the old rules to the modern world. The planet can change dramatically in a year or two, let alone decades! Throw out of your head everything that has long lost its relevance.

"You don't protect my heart"

There is no need to achieve your goals using such low manipulative techniques. Because eventually your family will get tired of it and they will stop taking any of your complaints seriously. Remember the fairy tale about the boy who cried wolf? That's it!

“Who dresses children like that?”

Or “Is it possible to wear this on the street?” We understand that you do this with the best intentions! But since your parents decided to dress your grandchildren this way, then it must be accepted. In the end, this is not your child; any grandmother has much less rights in raising children than their own mother. And yes: perhaps you are just a little behind modern fashion?

“And I think that...”

“What the child will eventually grow up to be”

Any grandmother passionately adores her own grandchildren. And worries about their distant future. But by uttering such a phrase, you offend both your grandchildren and their parents in the most direct context. After all, it sounds like you seriously think that they can’t cope with parenting, or that they’re coping poorly. What kind of mother or father would like this?

"He needs strict discipline"

Discipline is a very subtle matter. There is no need to be afraid that your grandson will grow up to be a sissy if the parents communicate with him kindly and he understands everything.

“I don’t insist, but...”

Note to moms!

Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me too, and I’ll also write about it))) But there’s nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too...

“Of course, I’m not the best grandmother”

Uh, uh! Stop. There is no need to extort recognition of your exclusivity. And stop being jealous of another grandmother. Don't drive wedges into relationships. If there are two of you grandmothers, then you have to live with it.

“I haven’t seen you for three weeks.”

And what? The more you complain, the more it will seem like harassment. Surprise! Your children and grandchildren have their own lives: work, study, friends. Don't pull the blanket of attention exclusively onto yourself. No one has ever loved anyone under duress.

“You are just like your father.”

Or mother. Or a sister, second cousin - it doesn’t matter. You cannot use a comparison with a failed (in your opinion) relative. Any comparisons in a negative way should be excluded.

“Are you sure this is safe?”

Actually yes. Most parents take care of their children. And if their child climbs the horizontal bars like a monkey, they probably thought about what to allow. How to become a good grandmother in our time.

“The neighbor’s son is already five months old”

It’s great if other people’s children are ahead of the pace of development. But you don’t need to transfer this to your own grandchildren. All children are individual and develop differently. And yes, such statements will hurt any mother!

“What are you feeding him?”

Excuse me, but do you really work for the Ministry of Health? Or at least read their current nutritional recommendations? Do you know that no one gives cow's milk to children under one year of age? Then how can you know what is not allowed?

"I live only exclusively for you"

There is no need to live exclusively for someone, this is a veiled accusation. Try to live for yourself. And communicate with younger people only when it is truly a joy for both you and them. Young star grandmothers

We also read:

R Having a baby, especially in a newlywed family, is a serious test for mom and dad. But there are two important people who seriously influence the course of events - these are new grandmothers. Even if one grandmother actively intervenes in the upbringing process, her help can have double consequences.

The arrival of a newborn always a joyful event for the whole family. And young parents, of course, need help to get used to their new role with the least amount of difficulty. But some adult mothers believe that “children” cannot cope on their own. They authoritarianly determine what and how, and often they try to transfer the young mother into the role of nurse.

It’s even worse if two grandmothers use the appearance of their grandchildren as a reason to compete with each other. And then grandmothers overprotect young parents. They shower them with gifts, advice, and impose their presence. But in this competition, the original noble mission is forgotten - helping one’s children, helping a young woman master motherhood. Instead, the older generation tries to play major roles in the child's life.

Subconsciously, the young grandmother is trying to relive her motherhood once again. Tactile contact with a newborn helps to return oneself to the emotional state already experienced in youth. Communication with a small child makes it possible to once again feel like a young mother.

But the birth of a child redistributes roles. A young woman, settling into the role of a mother, tries to grow out of the role of a “child.” The grandmother, using her life experience, begins to conquer leadership positions. This can be an open “power grab”, or it can be a subtle game using skillful manipulation.

Grandma loves it more! Grandma's child eats better! Grandma knows everything! Grandma's child is not sick!– this is how grandmothers explain their active intervention in a young family.

It’s good if the child doesn’t suffer in this game. That is, the grandmother still has a reasonable approach to issues of health, healthy eating and discipline. But if the role of leader in raising a child becomes an end in itself for the grandmother, the child suffers or turns into a moral monster. It all depends on the forms of manifestation of grandmother’s love and care.

Children are excellent intuitives; they very quickly understand the meaning of confrontation between adults and begin to use the situation to their advantage. Already at four or five years old, a child can get his way through blackmail or flattery. It’s even worse if the child begins to speculate on his feelings. "You are bad! I love grandma more!” “Grandma, if you don’t buy it for me... it means you don’t love me!”

At first, the child’s manipulations cause a smile: “Wow! Tough for the weather!” But the years go by, and the child grows up. And over time, his “cute” pranks turn into character traits and qualities, into his life position. Adults must foresee the consequences of their current actions.

How to become an ideal grandmother?

1. Accept yourself as a grandmother. It is grandmothers who are the mothers of a child who also has a child! Remember yourself when you experienced the birth of your baby, how did you feel? What did you need, what did you fear, what did you want? Tell the new mother about this, but explain to her that this is just your experience. It may or may not be useful to her, because all children are different. It is important to show the young mother that you are ready to help her, but at the same time recognize her right to choose and make decisions.
2. In this case, you will not need to impose your opinion. Mommy herself will begin to consult with you.
3. Ideal grandma is a faithful ally of young parents in raising their child. Sometimes it seems that parents are doing their upbringing completely wrong. But this is their child! They decided to bring him into the world, they are responsible for him, they convey to him their vision of the world, they must live their own parental experience And, if you do not agree on something, you must seek a compromise with them. It is necessary to discuss disagreements and present clear arguments.
4. Actions “contrary” to a child lead to confrontation between adults. The child is very uncomfortable in the role of “subject of dispute”, and he suffers in his own way. Or, as stated above, the child joins the game, but uses the situation for his own purposes. He seeks to use adults for his own benefit.
5. Never try to make decisions instead of your parents. The child should know that parents are the “highest authority” for him. Under no circumstances should you discuss parents with your child or give them a negative assessment. Moreover, it is unacceptable to allow a child to do what his parents prohibit, but at the same time say, “grandmother will allow it, but don’t tell your parents.” This behavior is unacceptable, because the child receives a clear example of deception and cunning. And if these qualities become entrenched in the child, one day the grandmother will find herself deceived and used.
6. Parents always have time. They earn money, but they want to live actively, and this is normal. Therefore, they cannot always listen to the child. They do not always notice their mistakes and mistakes. Ideal grandma can smooth out these contradictions. To do this, it is important to remain neutral. You can explain the behavior of adults to a child by finding the positive side in it. Parents can be explained what may be causing their disagreements with their child. Grandma has more patience and more worldly experience. Therefore, the role of an arbitrator, establishing peace within the walls of the house, is the best mission that a grandmother can take on. Learn to be a diplomat!
7. Initially, set yourself the task of becoming a friend of your own little man. See the world through his eyes. Don't try to teach him something, but let him LEARN. Children are endowed with great strength. They understand little, but they feel a lot. They easily find the right solution using their intuition. Therefore, you can learn a lot by observing children. Share his interests, and do not impose yours, this way you will win more love and trust of the little person.

I hope these adviсe will help the young grandmothers avoid some mistakes. Some women take the word grandmother with fear. But other grandmothers are proud that they are mistaken for mothers, and correct them - I am a GRANDMOTHER! You can play any role in such a way that others will appreciate your merits. Being a grandmother - a confidant of a new member of your family - is cool, believe me! This is another gift prepared for a woman.

As grandparents, we all want to spend precious time with our family and surrounded by our grandchildren. You can create a deep and loving relationship with your grandchildren by sharing with them what you love and being interested in what excites them. Whether you're a grandparent (even though you're not related to them), whether you have to babysit your child all day long, or live thousands of miles away from your grandchildren, you'll learn new ways to strengthen family bonds and provide your grandchildren with joyful memories and valuable life lessons. .

What's so great about being a grandparent?

Being a grandparent is an opportunity to play, to love someone and appreciate the magic of an evolving consciousness, and to be needed again by someone. Grandparents can:

• Sharing with a new audience what they passionately adore.
• See the world in a new way through the eyes of a younger generation.
• Experience games, music, nature, reading and other interests together with a curious young mind.
• Give even more support and encouragement to your grandchildren.
• Use your experience to avoid the pitfalls that parents of their first child may encounter.
• Observe the development of children at all stages of growing up.
• Find out about the interests and musical preferences of your grandchildren.
• Give what parents cannot give.

Typically, grandparents have the advantage of interacting on a level that parents lack due to day-to-day concerns. This makes it easier to develop close bonds with your grandchildren. Whether you are near or far, grandparents bring continuity to children's lives. Grandparents are often the custodians of family history and can enrich a child's sense of family traditions. In addition, spending time with grandparents teaches children a positive attitude toward growing up and aging and helps them develop skills that stimulate their own cognition and lifelong learning.

Of course, not everything that concerns the concerns of grandparents is always so wonderful. Becoming a grandparent at a young age can make some people feel prematurely old and, like parents and grandparents, sometimes see children as mischievous and teenagers as gloomy and dull. In most cases, however, the benefits of grandparental care outweigh the disadvantages.

The role of grandparents in children's lives

There are as many different roles for grandparents as there are different configurations of families and their needs. In some cases, presence all day is required. In other cases, you visit your grandparents on the weekends, get together for an afternoon game, visit them for the summer, chat on the phone or write by email.

A good first step for a long and successful relationship with your grandchildren is to establish some non-applicable rules with your son or daughter:

• Be clear about what role you want to play in your grandchildren's lives.. For example, how often do you want to babysit your child or would you like to take your child to school or otherwise be involved in his school life.
• Talk to your parents about their rules. Consistency is important for children, so be clear about the behavioral boundaries your grandchildren should follow at home and set rules for how your child should behave around you.
• Enforce any agreements regarding punishments for bad behavior, be it a break in meetings or loss of privileges, for example.
• Home environment for children - the safety of teenagers and infants must be ensured. It's been many years since you've had a small child in your home, so it's important to check with the parents to see how comfortable and safe the space is for the child.

Common Pitfalls Grandparents Should Avoid

Regardless of the specific circumstances, by expressing love and concern for your grandchildren's safety and well-being, and by demonstrating consistent behavior, you are already doing a good job as a grandparent.

To avoid potential family conflicts, try to avoid the following common pitfalls that grandparents face:

• Trying to become a parent. As much as you might want to tell your children how to raise their grandchildren, that is not your role. Respect the parenting decisions your children make for your grandchildren.
• Shopping for grandchildren. There is a certain temptation for grandparents to shower their grandchildren with gifts, but ask the child's parents before buying toys. It may be better to replace some gifts with activities. Come up with something with your grandson that you both love and will remember for a long time.
• Excessive spoiling of first grandchildren and inability to behave the same way towards other grandchildren. This causes resentment for your own children, who have children later. Remember that whatever you do for your first grandchildren (paying for tuition, going on vacation, going to the zoo) will set a precedent that you will have to repeat for each subsequent grandchild.
• Ignoring boundaries. Grandparents who don't respect boundaries and break them at their grandchildren's every whim infuriate parents. By allowing your grandchildren to misbehave, over-indulging them with junk food, or ignoring bedtime, for example, you are only encouraging unhealthy behavior and making parenting more difficult.

Tip 1 on How to Become Great Grandparents: Spend Quality Time with Your Grandchildren

Having the best time with grandparents comes naturally from the interests of both themselves and their grandchildren. You create deep, loving relationships with your grandchildren when you share with them what you love and when you are open and available to hear the opinions and activities that excite them.

Relax together

Make an effort to enjoy leisure time with your grandchildren. As a grandparent, you have the opportunity to interact with your grandchildren without the pressure of being a parent—you don't have to worry about juggling a soccer ball while cooking dinner and shopping. Allow yourself to calm down and become truly involved in the activity. If you move more slowly than usual, it makes your child feel like time has stopped and that there is no need to rush through everything. And as with adults, it gives them the psychological space to feel, think and notice, as well as express their emotions without feeling rushed.

Go outside

Kids love the outdoors, so trips to the park or beach are a great springboard for some amazing adventures and happy memories. Nature walks and day-long hikes will provide plenty of interesting things to talk about, and activities in the water will be especially fun. Throwing pebbles into water or watching the currents carry sticks away are simple activities that greatly fascinate children. You can start all of this when kids are babies and expand the games as they get older.

Share your interests or your work

Involving yourself in hobbies and activities that you love or that your grandchildren love will be a great way to spend time together and learn from each other. Sometimes activities that you wouldn't expect your grandchildren to be interested in (knitting or gardening) can actually be important and create strong bonds between you. Likewise, if you show interest in something they love (trading cards or Harry Potter books), they will share their special area of ​​expertise and open you up to something new.

If you continue to work, a visit to your workplace will add a whole dimension to your grandchild's perception of you. If you're retired, photos and stories about your work routine will have the same effect.

How to spend most of your time

• Make time for one-on-one meetings. If possible, spend time with each grandchild separately. This will provide an opportunity to strengthen the bond without competition for time from grandchildren.
• See the sights. Concerts and plays, movies, science centers and museums, parks or walks in nearby neighborhoods provide opportunities to be together and exchange ideas and opinions.
• Play. Board games and card games are a unique opportunity to see your child in action and see how he interacts with the world. The games will also help grandchildren learn to be good athletes and learn the principles of fair play.
• Talk about family history. Tell stories about the games and trips you and your children shared when they were young. This is a great way to weave a tapestry of shared experiences for the whole family.

Tip 2 on How to Become Great Grandparents: Grandparents on the Go

Taking a trip with your grandchildren or sharing stories about your favorite places will create special memories together. Special trips—whether it's a day trip to a major park, spending an entire weekend in a nearby city, or a weeklong getaway during the holidays—are always remembered by a child as a special trip with grandma or grandma.

One of the great benefits of traveling with grandchildren is the opportunity for both of you to be away from home. “Being on the go” means being free from hassles, errands, and the computer—a familiar routine. This opens up a lot of possibilities for the unexpected - even if the trip is perfectly planned. There are opportunities to study train and bus schedules, take a ferry ride, stay in a hotel or eat on the street, or have a picnic. Opportunities present themselves to discover new parts of the world, themselves and their grandchildren. Involve your grandchildren in planning the trip and, of course, check with the child's parents that they agree with the plan. And then hit the road! A post-trip album about the shared experience will be a source of constant delight for everyone in the family.

When grandparents travel with their grandchildren

• Don't take all your grandchildren at once. Most grandparents do best with one grandchild each at a time. If you're part of a couple, this means it's best to only take two grandchildren. If you are alone, it may be better to take just one grandchild or ask friends to help you.
• Look for a destination that offers nannies. If you think you will need a break or respite from caring for your grandchildren, stay at a hotel or other place that has babysitting facilities or group activities for children.
• Consult with specialists. If you're not sure how best to plan a trip with your grandchildren, there are many professional organizations that offer tours designed specifically for grandparents and their grandchildren.
• Figure out what to do along the way. Even when you're traveling far from home, you'll need to keep your child occupied. Most children enjoy visiting aquariums, science museums, water parks, amusement parks, and special events during the holidays.

Tip 3 on How to Become Great Grandparents: Taking Care of Your Grandchildren Away From Them

A large percentage of grandparents live more than 300 kilometers from their grandchildren. Children's lives change very quickly, so grandparents who live far away sometimes worry about trying to keep up with the latest events in their grandchildren's lives. Often this simply requires making special efforts to communicate with grandchildren and laying the foundations for a strong long-term relationship.

When your grandchild is a child, infant, or very young, involve parents to keep abreast of the grandchild's development, interests, what he likes to read, or what pictures he likes to look at. When your child is old enough to communicate, whether by phone, email, or even regular mail, start communicating with him directly.

Grandparents in the digital age

Other ways to stay in touch

In addition to the Internet, there are many other ways to help grandparents who are far away.

• Discounted telephone rates for those who are far away or inexpensive calling cards (even international ones), which make it possible to communicate despite the distance. Try calling at regular times when your grandson is not in a rush and has time to chat. When you talk to your grandchildren, make notes about their interests, books they're interested in, or names of dolls—anything you can repeat in the next conversation so they know you listened well.
• Regular mail. Even before your child can read, he will be able to recognize your name on the envelope and will love the feeling of importance that comes with receiving a letter.
• Audio and video recordings. Record yourself reading several of your child's favorite books and send the recording along with the book. Or make a tape of songs you like to listen to when you're together.
• Family stories. Children love to hear stories about their family. If you can't be with your grandchildren to retell family stories firsthand, try writing them down. Add photos or create a book (online or printed). Encourage your grandchildren to add their own memories and photos.

All these little tricks will allow you to learn about your interests and concerns. Whenever possible, however, try to be present for the most important events in your grandchildren's lives: graduations, performances, holidays or other important family events.

Tip 4 on How to Become Great Grandparents: Grandparents Who Babysit Grandchildren All Day

Divorce, parental death, parental work, or school worries are just some of the reasons why grandparents have to care for their grandchildren all day or a little each day. Often referred to as “kinship care,” an increasing number of grandparents are taking on the role of parent to their grandchildren, thereby expanding the traditional grandparent-grandchild relationship. Grandparents who take on parental roles are often deprived of leisure time, travel and many other aspects of their independence. Instead, they take responsibility for the day-to-day care of the house, the child's schedule, lunches, homework, and games. In cases where tragedy has forced a grandparent to take on the role of parent, there are many additional stressors that need to be taken seriously.

Raising grandchildren, while challenging, can be overwhelmingly rewarding. Grandparents in this role experience a much greater connection with the world of their grandchildren, including school and leisure activities. They often find themselves going back decades, rejuvenated by the constant companionship of younger people. They often derive inner satisfaction from providing their grandchildren with security, nurturing, and a structured home environment in which they grow up and feel loved.

Rights of grandparents

In some circumstances it is necessary for grandparents to seek legal support. If there has been a divorce, death of a parent, estrangement, or suspicion of neglect or abuse of grandchildren, consultation with a lawyer or lawyers may be necessary to ensure access to the grandchildren. Two issues arise with the grandparent's role: custody and visitation. In either case, the goal is to ensure that children have contact with family outside the family core.

When grandparents raise their grandchildren...

• Maintain your own health. Get regular checkups and follow your doctor's advice. Try to get enough sleep and don't skip meals.
• Walk and exercise at least three times a week for 30 minutes to reduce stress and promote well-being.
• Insist on a regular hour of silence. Children can take a nap or sit quietly in their room. Let teenagers listen to music through headphones. Learn to relax during this time.
• Take time for yourself. Look for activities where your grandchildren can spend time away from you. This could be story hour at the local library or a meeting in some circle.
• Do something that gives you pleasure. Engage in at least one hobby or participate in at least one activity on a regular basis.
• Talk about problems with understanding friends or other grandparents. Or join a support group.
• Set boundaries with your grandchildren and stick to them.
• Don't blame yourself. The circumstances of your adult children's lives are not your fault.
• Focus on the positive and use a sense of humor.
• Avoid isolation. Make an effort to establish friendships, even if only over the phone for now.
• Since you probably haven't been a "parent" in a while, it may be helpful to take a parenting class to learn new techniques to help children develop self-esteem, confidence and responsibility.

When my long-awaited, very desired grandson was born, PANIC began to grow from an avalanche of a wide variety of emotions. I'm a grandmother!!! This can't be true! Life is over. That’s it, this is the end of me as a woman, because now I’m a ba-bush-ka. A scarf (never worn), a creepy-colored ankle-length skirt (and in the wardrobe there are more and more mini or mid-knee length), slippers (what about my stilettos?!), gray curls (highlights and a very short haircut), fairy tales (I don’t remember none, “Ryaba Chicken” and “Kolobok” do not count).

I saw my grandson through the window. I was interested in looking at the new family member, but all this was not perceived as reality. Before my daughter was discharged from the maternity hospital, I had to gather myself into a bundle. I think it worked. Externally. It seems that I even almost managed to stop the trembling in my hands when I touched the tiny hand for the first time at home. And then, with my 27th feeling, I realized that I was being given an amazing chance. Re-experience the discovery of the world with a new person, only on a completely different level. Naturally, a more or less intelligible formulation came later, and then I looked at this fragile, defenseless creature and absorbed the feeling of miracle with my whole being.

And life really changed

Firstly, weekends and holidays were filled with meaning. No boring dilemmas about where to buy groceries, what to cook, taking a walk or surfing the Internet. I came to understand my need. Perhaps my physical help was not so important to my daughter and son-in-law, but my grandson definitely needs his grandmother. What would it be like without her (meaning without me)? Who will make stupid sounds that make a three-month-old baby laugh so hard that his parents come running from the kitchen? Who will make faces? Who... But you never know these grandmother’s “who?”

Secondly, we began to discover the world together: look, WHAT a snowflake is! Look how fast the stream runs and babbles so merrily. Oh, you see, the buds will bloom soon. Wow, the first daffodil has bloomed! And wow, it’s there, there’s such a ball on the tree - it’s a nest, it was built by a bird. Without hands, imagine! Wow! What a downpour! And this beauty is a butterfly, look how velvety her wings are. Don’t be upset, baby, the leaves will grow again in the spring, but now everything is so bright and festive.

I was amazed at how it was possible not to see or feel all this. And boldly hold out a shiny beetle on the palm of your hand (to me, who screamed at the top of her lungs when she saw an insect on her clothes). And discover new corners in a city as familiar as your own kitchen. And it turned out that a lot is possible. You can ride downhill, on carousels, on amusement rides, mess around in puddles, play snowballs, climb fences and trees, run races and return home, covered to the very top of your head. It’s impossible to count everything. And don’t care at all whether someone likes it or not. I'm with the child!

We have become a real family

The relationship with my daughter and son-in-law began to develop completely differently. It turned out that the son-in-law and mother-in-law are capable of living quite peacefully in any territory and, contrary to popular belief, not spitting poison at each other. Seeing how skillfully my daughter took care of her son, I realized that the girl had become an adult. My children always treated each other with respect and love, but I felt outside of this space. Perhaps unfounded. Spending quite a lot of time together, united by a common “cause,” we became closer. And now I feel involved in this “circle of initiates.” Which I value very much.

They are very caring, loving and advanced parents. Of course, I will never reach the level of knowledge and skills of my techie dad and the erudition of my inventor mom, who is constantly learning something, but I don’t shy away from everything new that civilization gives us. The children say that for my grandson I am an authority. Maybe they're right. I didn't strive for this. I just really loved my grandson and his parents and really wanted to become a good friend to the baby.

What about the stilettos?

Everything is in place! I am not fixated only on children and grandchildren. I have my own life, including the one that is called personal. At 51, I do yoga, chat with friends, and treat myself to a facial massage in a salon. I love to cook something delicious for no reason. I go to concerts and exhibitions. I am developing, studying at courses and seminars. I visit my old mother and help her. There is enough strength and energy for everything. Because, among other things, I am a GRANDMOTHER, and this is cool. This means the next time my grandson says to me: “Who’s first to the end of the track?” - I will answer: “Come on!” And we will race to the perplexed glances or bright smiles of passers-by.

From the editor

If you believe that having grandchildren will turn you into an old woman, then most likely it will happen. After all, there are already studies proving that our thoughts can influence the structure of DNA and lead to aging. Practicing psychologist, teacher and translator Nikita Dmitriev gives several recommendations on how to change your negative attitudes in order to stay young and beautiful longer: .

If you want to be not only a grandmother to your grandson, but also a truly close person, we recommend reading the book by the famous American family consultant Gary Chapman "5 ways to a child's heart". We have collected the key ideas in the review: .

How to prolong youth and feel cheerful in the second half of life, so that you have enough energy to communicate with your grandchildren, and to engage in creativity, and to do other pleasant and useful things? Americans Henry Lodge and Chris Crowley talk about this in their book “The next 50 years. How to deceive old age". Read our review, which contains key recommendations from the authors: .

The father and mother most often take part in raising a child, and they are given all the laurels. They are the ones who come first, and the grandmother, unfortunately, is often undeservedly given second place.

When both mother and father work in a family, it is physically difficult for them to raise the child fully, take care of his development and everyday needs.

They don’t have enough time to spend time with him, and then hope arises for the grandmother, of course, if it is not possible to send the child to kindergarten or hire a nanny.

A modern grandmother does not look like a decrepit old woman from the outback, and she does not feel like one. Nowadays, people sometimes become grandmothers at a very young age: 37-40 years old.

To become the grandmother that not only your grandchildren, but also their parents (your children) will dream of, you need to adhere to simple rules that we sometimes forget about.

Don't go too far

When your grandchildren spend more time with you, and parents, due to work, are forced to communicate with their children in raids, you should not demonstrate your skills, or boast that you know your grandchildren better.

Comments like: “you dressed him cold”, “don’t excite him before bed” and “you’re not feeding the baby correctly” are something some grandmothers have heard from grandmothers for many years. In such cases, already tense from workdays filled with stress, parents just want to explode and express everything they think about you. It is clear that any elderly person, due to his age and experience, can give a head start to the young in the educational process, and constant contact with his grandchildren bears fruit. You have an excellent relationship with your grandchildren, you know them intimately, all their needs and desires. We are all human, so it is understandable that it is difficult for you to suddenly step aside when your parents appear. But smart grandmothers wisely and tactfully cede the role of educator to real parents.

Help according to needs

Constantly asking for your help, obsessively helping, is also nothing good, because excessive help is burdensome and annoying. Think about what kind of help your children and grandchildren need. When conflicts arise, it is better to calmly listen to each other. Perhaps your help in accompanying the child to various sections will be enough, and the rest of the functions of raising your grandchildren are entirely within the capabilities of their parents.

Agree on a parenting model

If parents decide to be strict, they should not spoil their grandson. Yes, we don’t argue, sometimes you really want to fulfill the whim of your beloved little one, but disagreements with the opinion of the parents can harm the child. For example, his dad and mom forbid him to eat a lot of sweets, but you, on the contrary, try to treat him to a delicious cake or candy. In such a situation, the grandson, of course, will love you more out of naivety, considering his parents “evil and greedy.”

Develop your child

Very often, due to the same frantic pace of life, our children (parents of their grandson) simply physically cannot afford such luxury as all kinds of children's sections and clubs. Take the initiative by taking upon yourself to “deliver” the child to sections and clubs. You might even like it yourself. For example, one grandmother who went to a dance with her grandson soon. The grandmother and grandson had a sea of ​​new common topics - from discussing the correct execution of the next element of the dance, to thinking through concert costumes.

Becoming a good grandmother is not difficult, guided by common sense and an important rule - you are a grandmother, not a mother, so you cannot take on all the functions associated with the child. This is, at a minimum, unfair to your children, who would also like to enjoy communication with their children in their free moments.