How to live with a man you don't love when you have kids. Life with an unloved husband - is it necessary to sign a sentence for yourself? How to live with an unloved man

There are things in the world that really surprise me .. My friend lives with a guy she doesn’t love ... Out of pity ... I don’t blame her, but it’s not easy for me to understand her ...

You can't live with the ones you don't love.
It is dangerous to live with the unloved.
After all, along the lie of the tip, sliding,
You get hurt, and in vain
You will blame the sky later
In what hurts you, and in blood
you will sprinkle someone else's thread,
What connected you not with you ...
And so through the ages
Wandering women and men
Past... life... flows... a river...
different effects of the same cause.

This amazing poem was written by Lyudmila Yachmeneva...

What pushes women into marriage with an unloved man? If we talk about external reasons, then the answer is obvious: firstly, the instinctive need to create a family and give birth to a child. No matter how highly organized we are, instincts have power over us, and therefore nature sometimes “requires” procreation.

Not every woman manages to "agree" with this requirement. But love has not yet happened or failed, another has not come for it. And if a woman is already under 30 or over 30, then she often begins to think that maybe nothing is worth waiting for at all. As a rule, the one who is in love with a woman and seeks her, or the one who considers her just suitable, and strong feelings are optional, falls into the role of a candidate for husbands.

Medicine has long proven that women who, for whatever reason, are forced to live with an unloved person, sooner or later get a whole bunch of diseases. All of them belong to the category of psychosomatic: hypertension, stomach ulcers, bronchial asthma...
It is difficult to imagine a person who wants to go through life with an unloved man or an unloved woman (marriages of convenience do not count). But here's the paradox: situations when it turns out to be not the most expensive person, but “friend or foe” person, are found all the time. And it doesn’t matter how it all began - with delusion, passion or love - if the bottom line is only a bitter aftertaste of the words “not mine”.

Top 5 reasons why we don't leave the ones we don't love

1. Self-doubt

2. Unwillingness or inability to solve everyday problems

A lot of questions arise during a divorce: from where to live, ending with the redrawing of the budget and the division of property. The financial dependence is especially painful for housewives with small children, who cannot count on a large share of the property or the help of loved ones. However, any transition down the social and property ladder is a big blow to pride. It is always easier for passive people with the psychology of a dependent to remain silent and endure family troubles.

3. Guilt and pity

The calm nature of the spouse, his forgiveness and boundless love may well become a reason for self-flagellation like "He (she) is an angel, and I am a heartless bastard." True, over time, even boundless love can cause dull irritation if it is associated with scandals. And if men more often feel guilty before their wife, parents or children, then women are more inclined to feel sorry only for their partner and present him as weaker than he really is.

4. Dependence on public opinion

The word "lonely" in our society is akin to the stigma of a loser. Therefore, it is not surprising that many marriages do not break up only because of the opinion of the mythical "Marya Alekseevna" - a hundred-headed monster with heads in the form of relatives, colleagues, friends and gossips under the porch. At this point, everyone chooses for himself what is best: to maintain the deceptive image of a happy family man or to start creating it from scratch.

5. Common children

Children usually have a hard time breaking up mom and dad. But, having matured, they often reproach the parents who pulled the hateful strap of marriage precisely because they did not divorce on time. Staying with an unloved person just for the sake of a child is wrong. Children perfectly feel the depth of the abyss between their parents, get a distorted picture of family values ​​and, in addition, later they may feel guilty about their unhappy fate.

It happens that, having lived a couple of years in a happy marriage, a woman discovers that her husband has become indifferent to her and is not interested either as a man or as a friend. What is this?

Which one needs to be experienced? Or is love really gone? In any case, you need to understand yourself, because living with an unloved husband is hard, this can provoke an intrapersonal conflict that will be difficult to fight.

• Why does love leave?

After two or three years of marriage, the relationship between spouses changes. Passion, vivid emotions gradually disappear, completely different feelings come in their place. This surprises and frightens many girls, they begin to think that they have fallen out of love with their spouse. In fact, this is not so, it’s just that love has acquired a different quality, and you need to accept that now your relationship has become stronger and calmer.

There are situations when a woman really stopped loving her husband. The reason for this could be resentment and disappointment. It also happens in . Cooling rarely happens on its own. And here the question arises: is it possible to live with an unloved husband? You can live for some time without feeling any feelings for your partner.

True, this situation is often complicated by the fact that a woman does not want to have sex with a stranger who has become her. This provokes quarrels, misunderstandings and conflicts. Sometimes indifference is replaced by irritation and even hatred. This is where mental throwing begins, developing into an intrapersonal conflict. Women often cannot make a choice: at any cost or leave. And sometimes the cause of internal discord is a misunderstanding of whether there are at least some feelings towards the spouse. Maybe the cooling happened only temporarily?

• How to check your feelings?

There is an easy way to check if you still love your spouse. Imagine that he has another woman. What do you feel about it? Or imagine that he left forever for a distant country. Do you want to drop everything and follow him? If you are ready to fight for your husband, to run after him to the ends of the earth, then most likely your relationship has not fully exhausted itself. If you don't care, then love is gone.

• Leave or stay?

When answering this question, people tend to take one of two extreme positions. The first sounds like this: "This is your fate, be patient." Adherents of the second point of view urge a woman not to waste her life, not torturing herself and another person and break off relationships.

Both are not easy to do. There are situations when a spouse is both gentle and caring, but still there is no love. And to leave it means to inflict a serious injury on a person, to offend and offend. How to proceed? First you need to analyze your feelings. If you are still together, what binds you? Maybe you are afraid? Or does your spouse provide for you, are you used to living in comfort and security and do not want to lose such a comfortable life?

Or maybe you still retain gratitude and respect, even if these feelings are hidden for the time being in the hidden corners of your soul? Or is family for you also loneliness? If you sincerely answer these questions for yourself, it will be easier for you to make a choice. View your relationship from the perspective of your global life plans. Think about whether the family, as it is, will help to realize your main dreams? From this point of view and try to make a decision. Emotions, conflicts are unlikely to help you. Before making a choice, it is necessary, if they are, to take a breather, perhaps to leave for a while, if circumstances allow. Probably, in separation, it will be easier for you to understand yourself and your feelings.

And finally, the easiest way to understand how to live with an unloved husband. If, in spite of everything, you have maintained a trusting relationship with your spouse, then you should just sit down and talk heart to heart. It may not work, but you should feel better. Tell him in a soft way what you feel, do not be afraid to offend him.

Your incomprehensible cooling and detachment, which you do not explain in any way, cause much more pain. Think together if you can somehow change the situation. Most importantly, do not blame your chosen one, just discuss your feelings with him. This will definitely help. In order to make a vital decision, personal maturity is necessary. You need to stop feeling dependent on circumstances and the opinions of other people. You will need

How do you live with someone you don't have feelings for? How to live with an unloved husband? For what? For the sake of the children?!

Find out why you need it. Life with the unloved is a real hell! There is an assumption that you have reviewed many different series in which women are doing well.

• First, it's a movie. There often everything is fine and wonderful. In life slip and "black stripes".
• Secondly, everything is not so simple as you “picture” for yourself! Don't forget that a lot happens behind the scenes too.... The events that take place there are called life!

You won’t believe it, but I lived with an unloved man for a year and a half! How did I do it? I thought I loved him. Until the first hit. When he raised his hand to me…. Love has “disappeared” somewhere, as if it never existed.

He hit me when he was very jealous of a family friend. I didn't give him any reason to be jealous! He invented it himself, he managed to find it! I think he did it on purpose! I don't understand one thing... For what?!

I thought I could live with someone I don't love

Then she consoled herself with the fact that many live like this. Then I remembered one of my friends... She is Azerbaijani. Her parents chose her groom! And she, as I understand it, did not really resist. A friend lives with her husband, not feeling any love for him. She gave birth to three children. I’m used to marriage, but you can’t call her happy (even though the girl is trying to seem like that).

We (me and my husband, whom I never loved) lived for a year and a half. Thanks to this marriage, I realized that there is a real hell on earth! We fought every fifteen minutes, I cried a million oceans of tears, I tried many times to kill myself…. I don't wish this life on anyone!

I filed for divorce more than once

For the first time, I took pity on him and withdrew my application. The second time ended in divorce. The ex-husband ran after me for a very long time, hoping to get me and the relationship back. However, I decided that everything was over forever.

I am very glad that children do not connect us with him! If I gave birth to at least one child, then we would have to see him on weekends. I would not have experienced such frequent meetings! All in all, I consider myself lucky.

No need to live with an unloved person!

Don't waste your life on people you don't care about. He loves you? Let love from a distance! You can't give someone you don't love what you can give someone you love.

If you think that you just need to live life with this person, then live! Do not complain that something does not suit you in such a family life. Your girlfriends and friends will tire of you. You can’t live every day in such a way as to keep everything inside yourself.

Life with an unloved man is HELL!

Suppose that you signed, lived together for ten years. So, what is next? You will show your dissatisfaction on any occasion. You will even find a reason that does not exist at all!

How are you going to have sex with someone you hate?!

Have you thought about it? My unloved spouse and I had a different intimacy (only blowjob and cunnilingus). Standard intimacy I find very frank, and I'm not going to share it with someone I don't like. Many will begin to condemn me, but I still will not see it. I understand that everyone has their own opinion .... And therefore I am not going to impose my own, so as not to seem like a super bore (I can do this in some cases).

You must be reading my story... It is good that I did not dare to tell you the secret of all the details of my married life. This is a real thriller! It's good that it ended with a real "happy ending". But it cannot be "erased" from memory.

Real life example

I have another example....

There is a friend in my destiny, whom I cherish very much. I recently found out that he met the girl of his dreams. You have no idea how delighted I am with this news! After some time, curiosity got the better of me and I asked a friend why he chose this particular girl. He replied that Lena and his mother have very similar fates. Of course…, I continued the “interrogation”.

Lena has been married twice. The mother of Lesha (my friend) also remarried and gave birth to him (Lesha) from her second husband. How else are the fates of these two extraordinary women similar? The fact that they were not married out of love. And now let's talk about the punishment .... Both Alexey and Elena were born with a heart defect.

Are you not afraid that the same punishment from God awaits you if you “ring” with an unloved person? To be honest, I'm a little confused. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by talking you out of all this.

Have you decided to live with him? Fine…. Hope everything works out for you. There is one small request: do not make a man suffer. Especially if he loves you.

Remember the famous phrase that one loves, and the other person allows himself to be loved.

Don't forget that there is only one life!

It will be very insulting and painful if the day comes when you come to your senses and understand that you didn’t have to spend precious days on someone you don’t have feelings for. However, it may already be quite late, as life “runs” forward very rapidly and with lightning speed.

I live not the first day in this world. I see how real happiness transforms women. Be with your loved one if you dream of eternal beauty! Believe! You don't even need makeup. And yes, you will look younger!

About how love affects a person, you can "trace" in documentaries

If you don’t have time to watch them, then read a short article about love influence. There are some great audiobooks out there! Start looking for them in the vastness of the "great" Internet!

Maybe you have a problem with self-esteem?

Then you need not to live with the unloved, but to put your self-esteem in order! Understand? Yeah…. Many understand, but do not want to do anything with self-esteem (unfortunately). Try to be one of the first ladies who will at least pretend to start working on herself! There are many men in the world. You will definitely fall in love with one of them. Do not rush! Wait! Everything is ahead of you!

It became easier for me when I wrote all this to you (told you). Read on... and find out what psychologists advise.

Reasons why soulless marriages exist

1. Children.
2. Age.
3. Fear and habit...

And further. . .

How to tell him ... -

Most girls believe that they should marry for love, and they marry, and many cannot breathe for their soul mate. But it also happens that some time after the wedding, the spouse turns out to be not the “prince” he dreamed of, and love has disappeared somewhere. And what to do - live with an unloved person or part with her husband?

Is it worth it to live with an unloved person?

Some women may say “I live with the unloved and do not see any problem in this,” but for most this situation is seen as a disaster. And they can be understood, not everyone is able to find joy in marriage unloved. But still, for many women, divorce due to lack of feelings is unacceptable, it is considered only as a last resort. Only a very independent and self-confident woman can afford to say “I’m getting a divorce because I don’t love”. And the ladies, for the most part, continue to live with their husbands, suffering from a lack of feelings.

But still, it is very important to figure out whether it is worth living with the unloved and when you can resort to the extreme method - divorce.

The first cases that come to mind are when a husband is captured by alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling or serious mental illness. The unwillingness of a man to accept help makes all the efforts of the most caring and patient wife useless. Domestic violence is also a big problem and often the only thing that can be done in this case is to run as far as possible. But there are times when there seem to be no obvious reasons for leaving, and the woman continues to support the marriage because of the children, thinking that they need a father. Naturally, a father is better than someone else's uncle, but not if there is no harmony between the spouses. If quarrels and scandals are a common thing, then it is better for a child to grow up in an incomplete family, divorce will serve as a stress factor once, and family squabbles will injure his psyche every day.

It is also not uncommon for a woman to continue to suffer in marriage, fearing condemnation from acquaintances and friends. This is especially typical for small towns, in which no one cares about the mental anguish of a woman who does not know how to live with an unloved husband. Usually, in them, divorcees are considered exclusively as losers or walking women, the option “did not agree on the characters” is not even considered by local gossips. In this case, only one thing can be advised - divorce, because you live for yourself and if you are turned away from your soul by your own husband, then no public opinion should be a controlling factor.

How to live with an unloved man?

In addition to all of the above, there are frequent situations when a woman would be glad to break off relations, but cannot because of dependence in material or emotional terms. And if there is no way to overcome such an addiction, it remains to understand how to live with an unloved husband.

It's no secret that women are more emotional creatures, and love can have many different shades - from pity to hatred. The main thing is to understand and accept, but if there is nothing similar at all, then you should look for another way out of this situation. The obvious solution to the problem will be an attempt to minimize communication with the spouse. You can do this in many ways - devote yourself to work, children, find an exciting hobby, try to become exemplary housewife, treating household chores like work. There are many ways and all of them are feasible, but only if you feel the strength in yourself to hide your attitude towards your spouse, pretending to be loving and caring. And ideally, you need to talk frankly with your husband, partnerships will allow you not to experience any illusions and not make any excessive demands on your spouse and be free from them yourself.

But still, if you live unbearably with the unloved, then it is better to leave, regardless of dependence of any kind. You can always find a way out, as they say - there are a thousand possibilities if there is a desire, and there are a lot of excuses if there is no desire.

I don't know if I love my husband?

And bright feelings go away, relationships between partners change, conflicts begin to arise more often.

In such a situation, it is difficult to understand whether love has remained between you or whether you together just out of habit.

If you want to understand, then try asking yourself a few questions:

1. Are you happy? If you close your attention to some trifles, discard conflicts and listen to yourself, then how will you answer this question? Not when you move into a bigger apartment / husband changes jobs / you have a baby, but right here and now you are happy?
2. Are you ready to work on relationships? It is no secret that a happy marriage is the work of partners on themselves and on relationships. Do you want to make an effort to get out of a crisis situation? And why haven't you started doing it yet?
3. Is there something about your partner that you don't accept in a relationship? He may be abusing alcohol, not working, or even hitting you. It happens that it opens only after a few years of marriage. If you don't like it, why are you putting up with it?
4. Why did you start dating and getting married? Maybe there just wasn’t a suitable pair nearby, and then it somehow started spinning? Or did your relatives constantly press on you? Or are you terrified?
5. If your partner asks you to break up, how will you feel? Just be honest with yourself. Will you be unhappy? Get upset? Or feel relieved?

These questions must be answered sincerely. Don't lie to yourself. And then you will understand whether you really fell out of love with your spouse or just you, which is worth working on.

I don't love my husband. What to do? Find out from the video:

What are the reasons for the fading of feelings in marriage?

, Romance is over and life is back.

A man no longer strives to surprise and conquer a woman, because she is already his.

And the woman does not have enough attention, but she has a lot of housework, and she herself forgets to charm her man.

Gradually, the spouses begin less time together, less interest in each other practically do not communicate. Relations cool, the gap between them is growing.

Perhaps the man just wants to shield the chosen one from his problems. And a woman is faced with indifference or misunderstanding when she herself begins to talk about something.

The main reason for the fading of feelings is the lack of dialogue between spouses and the unwillingness to work on relationships.

Don't wait for everything to work itself out somehow. If you ignore the problem, then sooner or later a serious conflict will arise. It is better to immediately discuss emerging problems and misunderstandings.

The psychology of such relationships

It often happens that for some reason a family is either formed without love, or is forced to continue its existence without it.

Psychologists distinguish two types of such relationships:

• former feelings turned into alienation and indifference. Often you can observe mutual reproaches, resentment and showdown. Everyone is for himself and lives his own life. Perhaps there is even a rude attitude or betrayal. Spouses are not comfortable in each other's company;
• the feeling of love left the couple, but grew into respect and mutual understanding. They do not have strong feelings for each other, but they can live together further, being interested in each other and communicating. The partner is still comfortable with each other.

I don't want my man! Reasons and what to do about it? Psychotherapy:

Marriage without love from the point of view of psychologists

Sometimes it happens that a marital union created without a feeling of love at all.

For example, a girl unplannedly became pregnant or put pressure on her spouse. Or the man proposed, and the girl agreed because of the fear of loneliness.

It also happens that a girl just sees for herself profitable future, because her fiancé does not suffer from poverty. Or a young man proposes because everyone around says that it's time to cool down.

From the point of view of psychology, marriage is not for love, but because "it's time" or "it's necessary" usually leads to disappointment.

Without mutual feelings, it is difficult to conduct a dialogue with a partner, sort out relationships and deal with everyday life.

Girls often think that the spouse will not go anywhere and you can twirl them as you like.

Young people feel the loss of freedom, such relationships oppress them. Therefore, life together takes place in constant oppression, until one of the spouses decides to leave.

Is it possible to live in marriage without loving?

Why is it impossible to live without love? Without love in marriage between partners, alienation and unwillingness to compromise are most often observed. From here constant quarrels and conflicts. Who would like such a life?

But you can live without love in marriage only if you feel respect for your partner and are ready to be with him no matter what.

Is it possible to love a second time?

It doesn't matter how many years you've been together, always you can rekindle the relationship and again.

This can happen as a result of your joint work on relationships or someone else's initiative.

For example, a husband will devote more time to his wife and arrange pleasant surprises.

The wife will begin to better monitor her appearance, stop reproaching her husband and be offended for no reason. And then between you again love will flare up.

How to attract love into your life? you will find on our website.

Marry without love? Is it possible to fall in love with a husband after marriage? Find out from the video:

What to do to return feelings?

How to love your husband or wife again? If you don't want to give up and are determined to bring love back into your relationship, then try the following:

Often you can observe such situations that there is no love left, but you need to live together.

What to do in this case? How to learn to live without love:

• Firstly, try not to breed empty quarrels. Who needs it? Constant showdowns will only spoil the mood for everyone. Therefore, before starting another conversation with a claim, it is worth thinking several times: is it worth it?
• Secondly, treat your partner with respect. Be that as it may, but once upon a time he meant a lot to you, didn’t he?
• Thirdly, talk to your spouse. For cleanliness. Explain everything as it is. It will be better if even in such a situation you are honest. Think together about how you can move on and avoid uncomfortable situations. This will also help avoid scandals in the future;
• fourth, show understanding. You may have fallen out of love with your spouse, but he could still have feelings? Do not play with them in any case;
• fifth, don't try to hurt someone on purpose and do not provoke him to make a decision to end the relationship. It happens that one of the spouses does not want to take responsibility and tries to make the partner break off the relationship.

  Decide for yourself whether you want to live with this person. If not, then find the strength in yourself to finish it all.

Is it worth living in an unhappy marriage for the sake of children? Psychologist's opinion:

When should you decide to leave?

If you still couldn’t understand whether it’s a habit, pity for a partner, or feelings just subsided for a while, then difficult to break up.

Therefore, to begin with, you need to understand yourself.

Do you feel like a stranger is next to you? Your partner does not cause any pleasant emotions and when you think about it, you are covered with a wave of negativity?

And most importantly, are you uncomfortable around this person? Well, in such a situation, it makes sense to leave the family. Perhaps both you and your spouse will be able to find a new happy relationship in the future.

In any case, you do not need to leave, slamming the door loudly. Show respect for the person you once loved. Explain the reason for such a change in your attitude towards him.

If at least a little pleasant remains, then maybe you should work on relationships and save your family?

When the thought "I don't love my spouse" gets more and more insistent in your head, this is a wake up call. You will have to delve into yourself a lot, talk with a partner and understand already whether you see a future with this person or not.

10 signs that it's time for you to break up: