Psychologist consultations - family relations, solving family problems. My husband doesn't like the way I dress... I don't like the way I dress

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How to understand that your man does not like how you are dressed, even if he says that you look good? This is really difficult, because he is unlikely to tell you about it directly. And who wants to dress in such a way that a young man would be ashamed to go out on a date? The simple signs described below will tell you if your man does not like your taste in clothes.

He compares you to other girls/women

If your young man compares you to other girls, it is quite possible that he is talking about the taste in clothes. For example, he may note that a particular girl looks good in her dress, referring to the choice of clothes. Yes, this is an indirect hint of good taste. And if he compliments other ladies, but you don’t, most likely he just doesn’t like the way you are dressed.

He feels awkward

You will see by his facial expressions and body language if he is ashamed to walk or dine with you in public. If a man constantly makes weird excuses for you, this is a direct sign that he does not like your outfit.

He complains about your style of dress

Does your man make comments about your taste and wardrobe? Most likely, he will say it like this: “this dress does not suit you” or “this sweater is already too old.” It is unlikely that he will tell you this directly, but remarks about your clothes are directly related to your taste.

He chooses things for you

If you go shopping together and he chooses things for you, he tells you what clothes he would like you to wear. Perhaps he does not really like the filling of your wardrobe, and he wants to supplement it with something that he likes. Again, this means that he does not like your style of clothing.

He makes fun of your style of dress

Does your boyfriend play pranks on you when it comes to your wardrobe? He may say that you dress like a tomboy or something like that. If he asks you to dress more feminine or elegant, this is a direct sign that your style does not suit him.

He asks you to change

If your man asks you to wear something better, this is an indirect sign that he would like to change your wardrobe. As if by subtext, he hints that you should also change your taste in clothes. This is a classic sign that he doesn't like the way you dress and would like to see you in something else.

But if this topic is unpleasant for you, then it’s better to stand your ground and dress as you like. After all, you should not only like a man, but also feel comfortable and love your reflection in the mirror.

I am 25 years old. I've been married for about five years now. My husband and I are the same age. He is against me walking around in long skirts and a headscarf, not to mention the full compliance with the rules in clothing. With long skirts and a scarf, the husband hardly reconciled himself, but he was not going to buy them. I went with what I have. Because of this, conflicts arose constantly. And when my husband found out that I wanted to wear a hijab in the future, he refused to have anything to do with me at all. He wants me to walk the way I walked before the wedding: knee-length skirts, no headscarf. But I can't take a step back when I only want to go forward. I explain that this is not my whim, this is the norm of Sharia, that it is supposed to be so, but these explanations are meaningless words for him.

"Don't you have to listen to your husband? he says. Are you committing a sin by arguing with me? I tell him that, of course, you must obey your husband, but only if this does not run counter to the concepts of religion. He believes that one can dress like that, that there is nothing wrong with that, and pray enough, that the rest also dress like everyone else and pray. These are our disagreements, which our mothers, his older sister and my brother and sister know about. My mother is very worried that this is how things are going. She believes that I should obey my husband, that I got married for this, that it's okay if I walk like before. I love her very much and worry about her. She's been through so much. After marriage, I began to appreciate her even more. But I cannot listen to my relatives in this. I explain to them, but they do not want or cannot understand. I said that I am not changing my mind.

My husband said that he would not put up with this and that he did not want to have anything to do with me. And if he doesn't want to have anything to do with me, then what's the point of living on? They called my mom to talk about it. My husband and I have expressed our views. The mother-in-law believes that if I do what my husband says, then my husband will do what I want. The mother said that she did not see anything wrong with the fact that a person walks like that, but she protested against the hijab. I remained unchanged in my own, but they decided that I should go to my mother, talk to her alone again, that maybe I would change my mind. That is, everything now depends on me. I am not going to change my decision, but I am very worried about my mother, for how this may affect her health. But dad doesn't know yet.

It is not yet known how he will react to all this. In general, he can get angry, especially since he is an atheist and is unlikely to understand me. My brother and sister, of course, do not want me to get divorced, but they support me in my intentions. The situation at the moment is such that my husband accepts me the way I was before. He is not against prayer, although he does not do it himself, but about long skirts and a scarf, he does not agree, and I should forget about the hijab while I live in his house.

In terms of religion:

In a famous hadith, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said (meaning): If people begin to come to you to woo, whose religiosity and disposition you will be satisfied with, then marry them; if you do not do this, then temptation will appear on the earth and immorality will become widespread "(" al-Mustadrakala-s-sahihain ", No. 2695).

إذا أتاكم من ترضون خلقه و دينه فانكحوه ألا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض و فساد عريض

Those. The opposite meaning of this hadith tells that if the matchmaker turns out to be a person with a bad character or non-observant, then you should not marry him. If you initially followed the position in Islam, its rules and norms regarding the choice of a life partner, you would not have such disagreements with your spouse. After all, wearing a hijab is the duty of every adult Muslim woman. And this is not a whim of Muslim men, but the command of the Creator Himself. The Almighty directs in the Qur'an that Muslim women close themselves and do not flaunt their beauty in front of an outsider. Allah says (meaning): Let them not flaunt their adornments, with the exception of those that are visible (the oval of the face and hands), and let them cover the opening on the chest with their veils and show their beauty to no one except their husbands or fathers ... (Sura An-Nur, verse 31).

وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَى جُيُوبِهِنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا لِبُعُولَتِهِنَّ

You are right that the wife should obey her husband only when his demand is not contrary to Islam. The hadith says that one cannot obey the creation, disobeying the Creator (Jamiul-ahadith, No. 17172).

لا طاعة لمخلوق فى معصية الخالق

Therefore, you should not give up the Muslim form of clothing, even under the threat of a family breakup. Try to choose a wardrobe in such a way that the clothes comply with Sharia norms and at the same time do not stand out from the clothes of others. For example, you can cover your hair with a fashionable cap, hat, neck with some kind of scarf, wear trousers or jeans, but with a long tunic (knee-length), etc.

Ask the Almighty to guide your husband and all other relatives on the path of truth. Ask for it using everything.

Buy Islamic literature, audio-video products, put it in a conspicuous place in the house, perhaps it will interest your family members and they will view it. When choosing literature, give preference to one that draws a parallel between what is in religion and the latest scientific discoveries.

From the point of view of psychology:

In this case, and in all similar ones (this happens often), you need to look at the very root of the problem, at its source. Obviously, the main problem comes from the requirements of your husband, because if he does not forbid you to dress according to the norms of Islam, then both his parents and yours will have nothing to do with it. It is for this reason that it is necessary to avoid involving as few people as possible in the discussion of such disputes, it is impossible to expand the boundaries of the conflict situation. Remember that involving relatives in the discussion can lead to the fact that even if your husband would prefer to accept your position in the depths of his heart, it will be more difficult for him to admit it, because everyone has been notified that he is against it.

All the requirements of your husband can be reduced to one denominator - the weakness of faith and religious beliefs. As soon as a person understands and accepts the importance of certain religious obligations, then for him these questions disappear on their own. It is for this reason that it is necessary to invest all the force of influence in the right direction, i.e. to strengthen his (husband's) piety. But you need to do this carefully so that your calls do not have a backlash. Most people do not like to be proved something to them, to impose an outside point of view. A person truly appreciates what he came to on his own. However, the talk of some people that they do not need to lecture and instruct them, that they themselves must reach everything, is in fact just an excuse so as not to enter into disputes. A person cannot come to anything if he does not take steps in the right direction, and in this particular case, the study of the foundations of religion.

You have lived enough with your husband to understand his character, his train of thought. Assume that any religious works will have an effect much stronger if they correspond to the level of education and thinking of a particular person. On this site, under the heading "Teachings", you will find enough materials on various topics and written in different styles, scientific or colloquial. It would also be nice if there was literature of a religious nature in the house, accessible for understanding. It is necessary to start with the most basic, with faith in one God. It is inappropriate to immediately move on to particular issues, such as five times prayer, clothing, food, and more. If a person accepts the basis, then everything else will be accepted by itself. Again, I draw your attention to the fact that a strong and persistent influence on your husband can cause a defensive reaction and turn against you and, as a result, against everything that you say.

Now about something else, no less significant. A certain category of men experiences self-doubt when walking around the city and next to him is a closed wife. It is important for such men to have a “fashionable” doll next to him, this increases his self-esteem and self-confidence. Naturally, this is a false ideal, but some people live by it. Talk to your husband, find out what exactly he does not like. You can choose clothes in such a way that your husband will like them and will comply with the norms of Islam. As for clothes in the walls of the house, dress as your husband wants, wear the most attractive clothes, let him understand that you are ready for anything for him. If you manage to find this balance, then its pressure on you can seriously decrease and the problem will disappear.

Try different ways, but act gently, unobtrusively, but steadily.

Muhammad-Amin - Hadji Magomedrasulov
theologian
Aliaskhab Anatolievich Murzaev
psychologist-consultant of the Center for Social Assistance to Families and Children

Today, the finalists of the project "Main Stage" Point Charlie are recording new songs, giving concerts, almost never get out of the studio and are preparing to shoot the first video. But even with such terms, Oleg Sidorov (vocals), Dmitry Babaitsev (bass guitar), Roman Savchenko (guitar), Alexey Lutsenko (drums) and Daniil Tsovin (keyboards) managed to win a lot of girls' hearts - and this is just the beginning. That is why we turned to them to “disassemble” the fashion habits of girls together.

Push-up lingerie

It is generally accepted that push-up bras have their roots in ancient Egypt - the Egyptians tied a leather band around their breasts to make them visually appear larger. Well, the first bra with pads inside, called push-up, was released in 1964 by the Canadian lingerie company Wonderbra. Since then, girls around the world have been using this method to become a little more attractive.

Oleg: "I do not argue, every girl wants to highlight the brightest parts of the body given to her by nature, or hide her flaws. But not every man" pecks "on these mini-deceptions. Personally, I am absolutely always for naturalness."

Roma: “People are addicted to beauty. They adorn themselves in every possible way and remove imperfections, there is nothing wrong with that. But the question is different: what will it be like for a loved one to know the reality?

bright shades

Daniel: "It's important to dress for your age. A Hello Kitty T-shirt won't turn a 40-year-old woman into a 25-year-old beauty. But a sophisticated suit and the right height of heels work wonders."

Lesha: "When a girl wears a fur coat in the summer and a skirt in the winter, you feel sorry for her"

Dima: "In our time, there are a huge number of ways to hide flaws with the help of clothes. But why do some girls, on the contrary, emphasize them by wearing fashionable, but not suitable clothes?"

Men's styles

This season, variations on the theme of the uniform are not just popular, but very popular. At the spring-summer shows of Acne Studios and Marc Jacobs, models took to the catwalk in paramilitary dresses that blur the lines between femininity and masculinity. We doubt that men will be delighted with the "Soldier Jane" next to them, but some girls will have the opportunity to fulfill their old dream of service.

Lesha: “There are men’s clothes and there are women’s clothes. Sometimes I meet girls who purposefully wear some kind of men's clothing, dress like "boys". I do not like it".

Roma: “When girls wear hats that look like men’s, it’s tough. Now, fortunately, this is not so common, but when you notice, you can’t help but pay attention. Or, for example, women’s moccasins, which in most cases look very strange (I apologize for the discrimination.) Although, frankly, I'm not enthusiastic about men's either"

Daniel: “What annoys me the most about girls is when they put on men's clothes and act like guys. A girl should be a girl."

Things "in trend"

“Fashion has to be accepted, otherwise you will look ridiculous. However, novelties should be taken imperceptibly, in small portions, ”said one great Mademoiselle. Who, if not Coco Chanel, who rewarded us with a timeless tweed jacket and a little black dress that can be worn for any occasion, tell about it. So - without further ado - listen and obey.

Oleg: “Vanilla inscription in Latin can now be found on many girls. Of course, these are not clothes in the full sense of the word, but a person also wears tattoos. And stupid and meaningless tattoos are something that spoils a girl and shows her not the highest IQ coefficient. If you can change your shirt and wash off your makeup, it’s unlikely that everyone will run to get a tattoo now.

Roma: “I don’t really understand the fashion for long summer dresses. There are, of course, successful examples, but more often they kill individuality.”

Lesha: "Tracksuits in everyday life are strange. If only because sports need to be practiced in the gym or on the court."

Shoes with a small heel

Even Christian Louboutin, the “ruler of the red sole”, stopped singing the eternal ode to high heels not so long ago: it’s worth taking a look at his latest collection to understand that pale blue ballet flats with brick heels coexist in it along with stilettos. It should also be borne in mind that if a high heel makes the legs visually slimmer, then improperly selected shoes with a small heel work exactly the opposite.

Dima: "I hate shoes with short heels and long, pointed toes."

Oleg: "Yes, such pads knocking terrible."

Lesha: “I don’t like either such shoes or ballet flats. But in general, shoes depend on the situation. You can also go for a walk in sneakers, but you won’t go to a social event in them.”

Roma: “From ballet flats, suede ones look normal. Well, or fabric (not shiny) and with rounded noses.

Daniel: “I am calm about ballet flats, they are comfortable everyday shoes, but if you are going to a meeting, then it is better not to choose them. Shoes with a pointed toe ... depending on what kind of shoes. I'm not a fan, but there are shoes from Louboutin, for example. As for the heel, it is better, probably, medium or slightly above average. Shoes with small heels, as a rule, do not paint the leg, but only disfigure it.

Abundance of accessories

"Buy less, choose better and do it yourself" - this phrase belongs to the British fashion punk grandmother. The first part of it should be adopted by girls who are very fond of accessories. Of course, today with a bunch of bracelets and rings you can get into the boho-chic style, but even with this style of "complete freedom and permissiveness" should be handled with care.

Oleg: “When your girlfriend has huge earrings, then, trying to hug her, you don’t think about tenderness and warmth, but about how to make sure that you don’t tear off her ear with a random movement. Or an overabundance of rings – of course, you want to show all the pebbles and samples gold-silver. But you should not turn into gypsies or village gentlemen, ready to put on all the wealth."

Roma: "A lot of rings? If they're all interesting and not super shiny, why not? It's important to remember: an accessory is an accessory to emphasize individuality and style. It should not be the starting point of style. If an accessory attracts more attention, than the personality of the girl, then why is he needed ?!"

Gadgets

Designers agree that things at the intersection of fashion and modern technology are the future (remember). Silicon Valley recently tried to launch its own Fashion Week. And personally we are sure that this will not be the end of the matter. Gadgets should help fashion, but should they become fashion? Every modern girl answers this question for herself.

Dima: "An Apple iPhone in one hand, an Apple iPod in the other, an iPad sticking out of a bag... Well, everyone knows what I mean."

Daniel: “A girl has an iPhone 6 or Nokia - it doesn’t matter to me. The main thing is that it does not turn into a cult. If a girl tells me: “Honey, everyone has a new iPhone, but I don’t,” then I’m unlikely to communicate with her. ”

Roma: “Eared iPhones or French fries are straining instead of a normal phone. I just can’t understand the joke. Although, of course, I don’t really pay attention to all this. It’s just that sometimes the thought arises: “Why?”

Oleg: "Speaking in general, the girl should be natural. In everything."

Daniel: “The girl decorates the man. If you go somewhere with a man, everyone should think not: “Oh my God, what a man, I would like to be in the place of that girl,” but: “Here is a girl walking, it’s clear why she has such a man.”

Roma: “In general, when you hear the name of the topic for the first time, you understand that you never really thought that some particular thing in the wardrobe of girls terribly infuriates you. I've always either liked the way a girl looks and dresses or I don't."

Lesha: “Each girl is unique, and what goes with one may not go with another at all. The point is whether the girl has a taste. And also, a girl needs to behave decently in any society, be decent and with manners. Girls are ladies , men are gentlemen. And in order for a gentleman to choose you, and not Vasek from the 3rd entrance, you need to be a lady.

Dima: “Men look especially bad on girls. Especially in public. You don't have to prove to everyone how good you are."

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The family occupies the most important place in the life of each of us. Probably, every person, most of all, wants everything to be fine in his family. But, in the process of developing family relations, various problems often appear that cannot always be solved without outside help.

If you have certain difficulties in family relationships - for example, in a husband / wife relationship, relations with relatives, etc., you can ask a psychologist a question, or read the archive of questions and answers. Perhaps someone has already had similar family problems and in the answers of psychologists you will find something useful for yourself.

Do your friends and acquaintances need psychological help? Share the link with your friends on social networks!

Maria 29 years old: (03.07.2010)

I have been married for 6 years and have a 4 year old son. not working at the moment. housewife. My husband doesn't like the way I dress. If I have a blouse on, then in his opinion I should be without underwear and always such that everything and everyone can see. The skirt or dress is certainly short, so that it barely covers. The shoes are naturally on the heel and the more colorful and higher the heel, the better. Even with a tracksuit, he asks to wear heels, but when I refuse, saying that it is still ugly, he does not understand this. ignores almost my entire wardrobe. My explanations that I am not comfortable in the clothes that he chooses, refuses to listen, says that I am shy, insecure. Explain why I should expose my body to everyone. Or maybe it excites him. Now I want to buy a one-piece swimsuit, because after giving birth the body is not so perfect, and he only needs a bikini, He said that if there is another swimsuit, he will not go to the river with me. Help me please!!! This is already becoming a huge problem in our family.

Expert answer:

Hello Maria!

You write: "My husband doesn't like the way I dress." What to do in this situation? Try to understand what your husband lacks (what, for example, used to be, but now is not). Perhaps earlier (before marriage, before the birth of a child) you dressed more frankly and he just wants to refresh his memories, to see in front of him the woman he fell in love with then. Try to look at yourself through his eyes, look through your wardrobe - what you usually wear, think about what emotions and desires one or another of your everyday clothes can cause. There is a lot of truth in the banal proverb “men love with their eyes, and women with their ears”. In fact, most men are always pleased when a beautiful, sexy woman walks next to him, attracting his eye (and maybe the eyes of other men - but she is with him!). Of course, one cannot argue here one-sidedly - it is clear that when you are required to wear shoes with a tracksuit, these are already excesses, again, is it also important for you to feel comfortable?

Still, as practice shows, often, behind the external nit-picking on the part of the second half (spouse, spouse) there are completely different reasons. Analyze your current relationship, try to understand what happened before and what has changed (after marriage, after the birth of a child, now)? It's funny, but we, men, sometimes begin to cling to clothes, food, etc. for one single reason - a lack of attention to us from a woman (just like children, but this is a fact). Talk to your husband frankly, maybe you don’t notice something? Most likely the problem "my husband does not like the way I dress" has specific reasons ...

In short, analyze, I'm sure that you yourself will find the answers to all questions and everything will work out for you!

Sincerely, Mikhail Petrov