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Drinking diet - "The experience of a former member of the group" Typical anorexic "". Anorexia: the story of one disease My new mother

Four stories about those who are ready to die for a slim body

Photo: From the personal archive of the hero of the publication

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They call each other butterflies and wear a red thread around their wrists. They consider protruding collarbones and matchstick legs to be the standard of beauty. They "cut themselves" as a punishment for a breakdown - an extra slice of orange and tea with a spoonful of sugar. They know they might die, but it doesn't scare them. They are afraid of one thing - to get better. They are anorexics.

If you ask a passerby who an anorexic is, nine out of ten people answer about the same: “Painfully thin girl.” Sometimes terrible details are added: "Half-bald, with bruises on half her face and purple nails." But protruding bones are not the main symptom of an eating disorder. Fat women also worship the cult of thinness.

The anorexic is obsessed with thoughts about food, diets and counting calories. She cannot, without remorse, eat a piece of cake even on her birthday. And if he allows himself to “cheat” (this is how the girls call the planned “gluttony” to speed up the metabolism), then he starves or goes to the toilet to “cleanse himself”.

A sick girl has a calculator in her head: she will tell you how many proteins-fats-carbohydrates are in any kind of cottage cheese and explain why grapes are not allowed to lose weight. Butterfly's motto: "Good girls don't eat." They feed those around them. Anorexics love to cook and get angry when loved ones refuse fatty-calorie foods.

If relatives do not want to eat, the patient may become aggressive - even hit, - explains psychologist Nina Muratova. – The anorexic is subconsciously afraid that the same thing will happen to her dear people as to her. She willingly gets to the stove. In order not to break loose, he chews sugar-free gum or drinks hunger with water. He even gets perverted pleasure, admiring his iron will. But patience is not unlimited - in most cases, anorexia turns into compulsive overeating. This is uncontrolled gluttony, in which there is no feeling of fullness and understanding of what you are eating. The patient can swallow an incredible amount of food at once and become hysterical. At the same time, she does not receive pleasure - she only reproaches herself and suffocates from the heaviness in her stomach. As a result, the girl not only gains the lost kilograms, but also becomes fuller than she was before the diet.

“I was chewing coffee and realized that something hard was rolling in my mouth. my tooth"

Anya (all names have been changed for ethical reasons) from St. Petersburg. She is 20. We met her in the VKontakte anorexic group - there the girl is “motivated” by photographs of skinny peers. We communicate on Skype. She is afraid to name her weight - she writes a three-digit number in a notebook. 108 kilograms. Two years ago, the girl weighed 43:

Now even "their own" call me a former anorexic. Relatives believe that I "recovered". She became a kolobok again - that's how I was teased at school. In the 11th grade, I got fat up to 60 kg. She didn’t particularly complex, she didn’t react to ridicule, and then ... Classmates discussed graduation, sewed outfits. And I thought that I would “do” these rich beauties - I would become the queen of the ball. I will come light, airy and make a splash.

I chose a dress, it was necessary to lose weight under it by ten kilograms, and there was little time left. I typed “extreme diets” in the search box and realized that I didn’t understand all kinds of calories and carbohydrates. I decided to just go hungry. At first, she died from the desire to eat - she chewed air and water. On the fourth day, the appetite disappeared completely. Lucky.

By graduation, the hooks on the dress were fastened loosely. I didn't become a queen, but it didn't matter anymore. Waiting for the morning to eat. I got up at five o'clock, put the scrambled eggs on a plate and ... could not swallow a single piece. It clicked in my head: you can be even slimmer, even more beautiful. I didn’t starve anymore, but I ate like in a concentration camp: half an orange and an egg for the whole day.

When I reached 43 kilograms, hair and nails decided that we were not on the way. Somehow I was chewing coffee and realized that something hard was rolling in my mouth. My tooth. I felt a tickle in my stomach - creepy and sweet. I think now you can eat. I went to the store and bought a sponge cake. She took out a teaspoon, then thought and took a tablespoon. There was no cake after 15 minutes. She ran to the grocery store again, brought 12 pies. Then I didn’t have the strength to go out anymore, crawled to the refrigerator and took a bucket of sauerkraut (I can’t stand it!).

That's all. Now I always eat. I eat when I'm hungry and when I have nothing to do. I look at pictures of thin people, I eat again and cry. Sometimes I take out a prom dress - even my paw does not fit into it. I will still be slim at any cost. You know, it's not hard to be hungry. It's worth just getting started.

“I drew a silhouette of Plisetskaya and tried to squeeze into it”

So where does it all start? What pushes girls to "improve"?

In my practice, most often there were girls whose illness was a cry for help: “Notice me, notice me!”, Nina Muratova says. Teenagers do not know how to attract the attention of parents and peers. They find a wonderful, as it seems to them, way - to lose weight to the state of dystrophy. Such patients categorically do not want to gain weight, because their ultimate goal is not an ideal figure, but pity from others. In fact, this is a slow, conscious suicide. Correcting behavior in such cases is difficult. It’s a little easier to work with those who lose weight “watching TV”. Beauty standards were imposed on girls. This is the problem of mass culture - either 90-60-90, or cry in the corner. How much has been written/talked about this, but incorporeal beings are still walking along the podium. But many in the process of treatment realize how wrong they were. The same is with anorexic girls in love - there are many of them, but they are on the mend well.

“I am a victim of love and circumstance,” 19-year-old Sonya rolls her eyes. Laughs so as not to strain the chest - it hurts with any load. We contact the girl via Skype. A laptop was recently allowed to be brought into the ward of a private Novosibirsk clinic - only those who are on the mend can establish “contact with the world”:

My classmates lost weight for boys. They only whined: “What Poles I have, look at my stomach.” And I didn’t consider myself fat, I didn’t pay attention to my peers. My hero turned forty. He taught at an art school where I was trying to become a great painter. Talented, nervous, with graceful fingers, very thin - how not to fall in love?

My Romeo once brought a portrait of Plisetskaya to class and said: “She is an ideal. A woman must be fragile to inspire an artist.” He squinted at me (or did it seem?) and snorted. At home, I lay down by the TV and began to stupidly flip through the channels: thin here, tall here, blond here. I wanted to become the same, get closer to the Muse.

I recognized Plisetskaya's parameters and drew her life-size silhouette on the wall. I tried to squeeze in - where there. I began to lose weight: I simply reduced the number of calories. She didn’t even eat 30 percent of the norm in 1500, but before Plisetskaya, as before the gods of Olympus. She hung her motto over the bed: “Do not eat!”. And she didn't eat. It became not only pale - blue. Everyone around twisted his finger at his temple, especially appreciated the efforts of his beloved. Said, "A woman should have the color of a May rose, not a rotten fungus." But I didn't care anymore. I wanted only one thing - to see on the scales a figure less than yesterday. If there was an increase, she punished herself with hunger. At first I drank water, then I began to do without it. She was incredibly proud of herself, but when she “climbed into Plisetskaya”, she felt devastated.

By that time, all my friends had abandoned me, my parents were knocked off their feet, trying to find an intelligent doctor. I just called my mom and said, "If you don't take me to the clinic now, I'll jump off the ninth floor." Three girls died in the same room with me. Two lost weight for guys, one wanted to become a model. She was very photogenic. When her portrait in a black frame was hung in the corridor, everyone admired. Now, when I don’t want to finish my dinner, I don’t look at Plisetskaya, but at my neighbors. Anorexics can inspire too. For a normal life.

"Getting better is like cutting off your child's ear"

To the query: "How to get anorexia?" Yandex gives out 400 thousand results. But is it possible to cause a disease if it is a mental disorder? Can. The main thing is the attitude and the right “helpers”.

Anorexics are a powerful movement for extremely thin people. They call themselves "caste", "sect", more often - "family". And they huddle in flocks on the expanses of social networks. There are 760,000 (!) members in the "Typical Anorexic" group on VKontakte. Every girl who thinks that there are a couple of extra centimeters at the waist can join it. And besides this community, there are still a lot of closed groups - for their own. Experienced "butterflies" will tell the newcomer about the tricks:

The best diet is hunger. At worst, "hard drinking", when you can only water, tea and coffee without sugar.

If you want to eat, drink. You can't stand it at all, chew something and spit it out, spit it out immediately!

Broke? Take the blade. Let the cuts remind you of the goal.

Understanding the rules of the "clan" is not immediately obtained. Anorexics have their own traditions and even their own language. The groups have a dictionary for beginners:

MF - low-fat (no more than 500 kcal per day);

Drink - drinking diet;

Flu is an antidepressant that discourages appetite (experienced people will tell you where the medicine is sold without a prescription).

The girl's illness is identified with a man - the goddess Ana. They draw her, write poems about her, they call her mother.

In the family of anorexics, everyone supports each other, does not condemn and does not call to change their minds. For teenage girls, the world of calories and diets becomes more attractive than the real world, where no one pats on the head for not eating breakfast.

I never liked thinness either, - 18-year-old Natasha feels her bones. She is from Voronezh. Weighs 34 kg with a height of 167 cm. We also met this girl in a closed community of anorexics:

- I had an Internet girlfriend who hung out in groups about Ana. She told me what's what. I was inspired: I liked that the girls are very friendly. They don’t just lose weight together, but share experiences, keep diaries. Nobody at home cared about me. Dad didn’t even congratulate me on my sixteenth birthday, but my girlfriends flooded me with messages. It became clear that my family lives on the Internet, it’s just that we, people of the same mind, were scattered in different corners.

I then weighed 56 kg - such a large girl, a caterpillar. To become a butterfly, bought Flu. I flew for two days: I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to sleep either. Even from the weed did not catch such a buzz. I lost 7 kg on tablets, the weight rose. I tried laxatives. Then the girls said that you can "cleanse", that is, vomit after eating. I liked the option: you can eat a yummy and lose weight. Only hugging a white friend did not work: there was no experience. I wrote to the admin of our group. She explained how to stick your fingers down your throat, how to contract your abdominal muscles, and in general gave a lot of good advice.

When I first fainted, the butterflies sympathized with me, but at home they just yelled. They finally noticed that I had become a reed. Mother yells: "Eat!". Pounding the table with a spoon, stupid. It seems to her that the refusal of food is my whim. Nobody understands: anorexics CANNOT eat. People think that losing weight is difficult. Try giving up cinnamon rolls. But recovering is much more difficult. You yourself already understand that you will die soon, but you are more afraid of weight gain than death. It's like spoiling your own child. Imagine you carried a baby under your heart, brought it up, fed it with porridge, and then they offer to cut off his ear. My body is my child. I spent so much effort on “education”, I sculpted a figure and am not ready to change it. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this either. Can I recover? Don't know.

“I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Only voices interfered: "Daughter ..."

Is it possible to completely recover from anorexia? Doctors disagree. Some claim that recovery is possible with timely seeking help. According to others, the disease does not go away, but you can "drive" it into remission. Statistics say that in 60% of cases, "former" anorexics return to control of weight, emotions, life.

But neither classes with a psychologist, nor medicines will help if there is no main thing - awareness of the problem and the desire to fight. Recovery begins with the words: "I need help."

- "Pampushka" has always been. When I went to first grade, the doctors asked my mother at a routine examination: “Do you only feed the girl with donuts?” Of course not. In addition to donuts, there were also grandmother's pies, pancakes, homemade sour cream, and nightly chocolates. Until the age of eight, I didn’t worry, the little apple-cheeks didn’t disfigure the baby. But at fourteen she began to complex. With a height of 158 cm, she weighed 89 (!) Kilograms.

No, there were attempts to lose weight. Doctors each time sent me to an endocrinologist. He shook his head, thinking how to delicately inform: “Girl, you are not sick. Just fat." Leaving the hospital, I threatened my mother that from now on I would eat only cabbage. And after a couple of hours, she wrapped potatoes in lard with a wooden spoon. Sometimes I looked at old family photos. At my age, my mother seemed like a reed - 48 kg. This figure stuck in my head as an unattainable ideal. And I decided that I could also become graceful. With proper nutrition and moderate physical activity, by the first course she lost weight to 62, during her studies she lost another 5 kg. Tolstoy did not consider herself, she tried to drive away thoughts about her ideal weight.

I clearly remember the moment when I crossed the line separating the diet from anorexia. I came home for the summer holidays with a scale under my arm. But in the village, on an uneven floor, they showed one or the other number. Mom threw the "controller" into the far corner and began to fatten me. I had sandwiches with sausage for breakfast (what a horror!), I dined with oatmeal in milk. After a week of such a “holiday of the belly”, I decided to weigh myself, found a more even place and ... plus one and a half kilograms. That was the first time I realized that I could gain weight again. She fell to the floor and began to sob. Mom and grandmother silently looked at the hysteria. Apparently, they thought whether to send me to the hospital now or wait.

I consciously joined the ranks of anorexics and learned to lie professionally. Dirty plates as proof that she ate, drinking a liter of water before weighing, cutting food into tiny pieces - "friends in misfortune" helped to master science. I tried all the most rigid diets, starved for weeks. She just didn't take her medication. Do not think that out of prudence - there was simply no money for pills.

A wonderful thought came to my mind: there is once a day - so you definitely won’t get better. I just started eating breakfast. Then I decided that in the morning you can not overeat. Where do I need two apples, if I can eat one, and preferably half. No, a quarter. Reduced the number of calories consumed to three hundred. When I saw the number 48 on the scales, I ran to the mirror. She peered into the reflection and felt deceived: “Where is the graceful girl? Why am I still a clumsy fat woman? Anorexics have a distorted perception of their own body. At 39 kilograms (my minimum), I still seemed immense to myself.

My boyfriend Lesha never said: “You need to lose weight”, he even liked magnificent forms. Lesha knew about the “unnecessary diet,” but he had no idea about how I torture myself. He jokingly grumbled: “And where is your magnificent chest? A woman should make her want to eat, not feed her.”

I weighed 45 kg when my relatives realized that I couldn’t cope on my own. I told Lesha about all my “tricks”, and he took on the role of a nanny: he took me by the hand - I was so weak that I could not climb the stairs to the second floor, fed porridge from a spoon. When I agreed to drink flaxseed oil to restore my menstrual cycle, my stern-looking boyfriend almost cried with emotion. He praised me for every added 100 grams and did not reproach me when I (for the umpteenth time!) Lost precious weight.

For an anorexic, the support of loved ones is important. Screaming and swearing only aggravate the situation, and the banal phrase “You can!” motivates to fight.

Only you need to fight under the supervision of specialists. It took me a while to find a good one.

Doctor R *** still gives me nightmares - the sweetest granny, a meter with a cap, a bunch, a touching butterfly hairpin. I heard her talking to an intern:

She worked for ten years in Orlovka, thirty years in a prison hospital. It's not easy to fool me.

All patients for R*** are the same convicts. And she did not stand on ceremony with me:

You are an inpatient. You have to be tied up and fed. I'll give you a certificate, leave the university.

It's in May. This is in the third year. This despite the fact that no one in the faculty has no idea about my problems.

Print-screen from the community "Typical Anorexic".

I flatly refused to go to the clinic. Then I was sent to a suicidologist (there is such a doctor). The dialogue was as follows:

You need a hospital, otherwise you'll kill yourself.

But I don't have suicidal thoughts.

Yes, you just won't admit it.

I better know if I want to die.

It's best for your doctor to know.

Then again there was a psychologist with tests for adequacy.

What's the problem baby?

I don't want to get better. I want to be thin.

Surprised eyes:

So you don't eat? You have to eat for sure. Eating is everything.

Thought it was one of the tests. Will I laugh or not? But no, the glorious doctor just turned out to be a clinical idiot:

Here we went somehow with my mother to dig potatoes. We left early in the morning and did not have breakfast. Dug-dug, I feel that I have no strength. I go like my mother, and she says: “Son, you didn’t eat. Have a cup of tea with sugar - everything will pass.

Looking at the sixty-year-old uncle, I already understood that they would hardly help me in the psychiatric clinic, but nevertheless I agreed to take antidepressants. On the very first evening, my weakened body could not stand the cocktail of drugs - I fell asleep before I had time to swallow the last pill. The next day I was so stormy that passers-by turned around. I decided that I just needed to get used to the doses and ate antidepressants again.

At night my heart stopped. I only remember that my head was very dizzy, and my body became weightless. I don’t know what the notorious light at the end of the tunnel should be, but I felt very good somewhere there. Only distant voices interfered: “Masha! Daughter…”

Mom could not bring me to consciousness for about seven minutes. But not even this case prompted the fight against anorexia. A month later we were talking about the experience, I asked:

Mom, why did you rush to call not doctors, but my boyfriend? How would he help?

I thought you wouldn't wake up. She opened the door so that Lesha could get into the apartment. She wanted me to be dead when he came.

From that moment on, I declared a fight against diseases. Still, I fight under the control of specialists, because, remaining one on one with anorexia, I lose. Despite the bad experience of communicating with a psychiatrist, I urge my friends in misfortune: do not put off going to the hospital. You will not find "your" doctor, if you refuse help at all.

Photo from the group "Overheard Anorexia".

BY THE WAY

3 naive questions about anorexia:

1) How is anorexia different from a diet?

Diet is a way to control weight.

Anorexia nervosa is a way to control your life and emotions.

This is a MENTAL DISORDER, which is expressed in increased attention to food and one's own body.

There are two types of disease:

1) restrictive, when they lose weight by restricting calorie intake, strict diets and playing sports to the point of exhaustion;

2) cleansing - weight is controlled by inducing vomiting after eating and / or using laxatives and diuretics.

Most often, anorexics use both methods at once and refuse a full life. Everything that used to be of interest fades into the background. Every day is devoted to one goal - to become smaller = better.

2) How to understand that a loved one is sick?

Anorexia symptoms:

Desire to lose weight despite underweight (or normal) weight;

Fatphobia (obsessive fear of fullness);

Fanatical calorie counting, focusing on weight loss;

Regular refusal to eat, motivated by lack of appetite or poor health;

Turning meals into a ritual, especially thorough chewing (sometimes swallowing without chewing), serving in small portions, cutting into small pieces;

Avoiding activities associated with eating, psychological discomfort after eating.

The desire for increased physical activity;

Inclination to solitude;

Depressed state, depression, reduced ability to concentrate, performance, obsession with their problems.

3) What can cause anorexia?

1. Cultural environment, the cult of thinness in society.

2. Severe trauma or emotional stress (such as the death of a loved one or sexual abuse).

3. Craving for excellence, perfectionism, the desire to always be "good".

4. Low self-esteem.

5. Complicated relationships with parents and peers.

TO THE POINT

Doctors of various profiles are fighting the disease

Treatment of anorexia is carried out in two stages:

non-specific;

individual.

The first stage: the resumption of normal functioning of the body and weight gain. In patients, the work of the cardiovascular system and the gastrointestinal tract is disrupted, so the drugs are prescribed by specialists of various profiles.

Insulin therapy is effective - infusions of glucose and saline, the use of fortifying agents, especially multivitamins.

A diet is observed that excludes fatty and heavy foods. The best option is to feed mainly in liquid form. In severe cases, when the body spontaneously rejects food, resort to feeding through a tube. For three weeks of intensive therapy, on average, it is possible to increase body weight by 5-6 kg.

The second stage is aimed at eradicating the disease at the mental level. Patients are prescribed antipsychotics and antidepressants. Psychotherapy, both group and individual, joins, in some cases hypnosis is effective. The doctor's task is to identify the causes of the disease, to try to save the patient from phobias.

As soon as the patient is physically stronger and mentally ready, you can move on to a normal diet - from 1200 kcal. If the weight is still underweight at this stage, a high-calorie diet is recommended.

HELP "KP"

World problem*

In France, between 3,000 and 6,000 people are infected each year with the "virus" of excessive thinness.

In America, one in a hundred girls - 1% of women in the entire country - exposes the body to exhaustion. One in five people who become ill die of exhaustion or depression leading to suicide.

In Germany, the total number of recorded cases of the disease is 100,000.

In the UK, the number of cases has tripled over the past 40 years.

In Russia :

Over the past five years, the number of malnourished patients at the Moscow Scientific and Practical Center for Mental Health has grown 10 times.

Anorexia is the third most common chronic illness among adolescents.

95% of the patients surveyed say that the development of anorexia they had at the age of 12 to 25 years.

Only 1 out of 10 people with anorexia receives qualified help.

Anorexia ranks first among mental disorders in terms of mortality.

Mortality associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than that associated with all other causes in girls aged 15 to 24 years.

*Unofficial data - from the site

Ten years ago, Rachel Farrukh and Rod Edmondson were a beautiful, healthy couple. They met at a fitness club where Rachel was a client and Rod was a personal trainer. The girl was 27 years old. With a height of 170 cm, she weighed 57 kg.

At some point, Rachel decided that she would look better if she dried her abs. An innocent, at first glance, desire turned into the fact that at the age of 37, a woman began to weigh 18 kg.

It looks terrible. So much so that from Rachel, as if from a corpse, you want to look away. In the meantime, she's alive.

Photo: whas11.com

Rachel cannot walk on her own. Her husband quit his job to take care of her.

Photo: fox8.com, youtube.com

Once upon a time, these two looked like a cheerful, energetic couple.

Photo: facebook, newposts.ge

Now Rachel complains that her brain is running much slower than she would like.

Photo: m.ibnlive.com, casian

Any article about this unfortunate woman is accompanied by praises to her loving husband, who left not her, but his job, because Rachel needs constant care.

Photo: oregister.com

By inertia, I also wanted to join the slender choir praising the selfless Rod and even sat down for a post called “Love for an anorexic”.

But then suddenly my signature flashed in my head: “Wait a minute!”

And where, in fact, did this personal trainer look when his beloved in the truest sense of the word dried up? What made a slender, active, healthy girl turn herself into a pissing and pooping diaper, barely alive creature?

Photo: myspace.com, casian.

Isn't it the fact that her beloved coach was staring at assholes in his gym chair? Or maybe in the presence of Rachel, he sang fitness divas with six-cube bellies?

It is quite clear to me that Rachel went into weight loss because of her complexes, but where was her husband at that moment? Why did he allow a situation in which the woman next to her bends over from self-doubt?

Look how beautiful Rachel was and what she has become.

Photo: au.news.yahoo.com, Casian

Girls, now - attention: I will say something important.

If you feel ugly next to a man, know that this is not your man. He doesn't suit you. Run away from him.

Have you had situations when your complexes aggravated during a relationship with some man? What was the end of the matter? Tell me.

A terrible disease that devours not only the body, but also the soul is anorexia. She is feared and mocked, and if you imagine her, she looks like death. After all, in the end, patients bring themselves to the state of walking skeletons, though without a scythe in their hands.

Anorexia comes unexpectedly, with a sharp step steps on the threshold of your consciousness, and you can no longer control yourself. Someone will say that you are weak, and someone will admire your willpower. And, losing weight, at first you will be pleased with yourself, and only when you understand that the road back is overgrown with thorny thorns, you will understand what you have done.

website I decided to tell you the real story of anorexia - without embellishment and with a happy ending - because everything that starts badly should at least end well.

“I never wanted to lose weight. I had a great body, cute cheeks and a good charge of optimism behind me. The only “but” was that my peers did not understand me well, and when at the age of 16 I left my parents for another city, I decided to radically rebuild my life. I abandoned old acquaintances, made new ones without any problems and rushed headlong into the young life of the capital. The city spun me around, everything around seemed so interesting, I found adventures at the speed of a flammable match and did not think about tomorrow.

READ:

Six months were lived like in a fairy tale: I met wonderful people, went to a lot of events, fell in love and was happy. Until the day came when my sleep was interrupted by a terrible pain in my stomach. Oh yes, I forgot to say that all this time I couldn’t eat normally - I didn’t have enough time to cook - the world around was too interesting, so I ate whatever came to hand. This cold winter morning I call the starting point.

It hurt so much that I decided to eat only oatmeal - after all, my girlfriend with chronic gastritis always ate it. And off we go. Two weeks on oatmeal - and I was nowhere slimmer, only now the pain in my stomach did not go away, and there was not enough time to go to the doctor. Only after a little over a month did I feel better. I seriously thought about my diet, decided to eat separately and give up meat. In the end, I sat down on an eternal diet: porridge for breakfast, salad for lunch, and yogurt in the evening.

HEALTHY:

Two months of this diet - and I lost about 8 kg (my weight was originally 58 kg). Unexpectedly, but I liked the new body. And then I realized that I did not want to lose him. Spring came, the streets dried up, and I went for a run. Instead of the usual five circles, ten were easily given to me. I always liked sports, but I did not understand where so much strength came from, and continued to run. At the time, I was working like hell. Gradually I gave up going out with friends, and my schedule consisted only of jogging - work - university - and jogging again. Summer came and I was wearing size 25 pants. And I continued to run and quietly reduced my diet to a cucumber a day.

anorexia

READ:

Then the tantrums began. I cried constantly, could not control my speech, did not understand what and why was happening around. The only thing that worried me was the food that I took twice a day at certain times, and the appearance. I enjoyed eating alone - I was ashamed to eat with someone. I didn’t like my appearance - I still “had” a stomach and “big cheeks”.

One day my mother asked me when I had my period and I didn't know what to say. They were gone for more than six months. I was taken to the hospital. There, three doctors diagnosed me with anorexia and offered to put me in the inpatient department. And I laughed in their face and said that I was not sick. Then, with a height of 168, I weighed 37 kg (given that I drank about a liter of water before weighing). But they didn’t put me in - I still had to talk with my father.

FIND OUT:

I guess I was lucky, but the understanding of my condition came in a second. Already at home, before going to bed, dad hugged me and asked if I wanted children. I replied that I wanted to. And he whispered in my ear: "And I want grandchildren." And then I realized everything: I stood in front of the mirror in the light of the moon and saw what my personal death looks like. She didn't smile. She was a little lost girl with no will to live. I was to be reborn.

The doctor gave me many directions. I started keeping a diary and made a few rules that helped me get rid of anorexia:

1. Look at yourself with real eyes. Look at the bones, at your yellow dry skin, and not at the "imaginary" fat - it simply is not there.

2. Love food, try to eat it with pleasure, and try different dishes - there are so many flavors in the world!

3. Keep a food diary. Control calories and try to increase them - they will help you to be healthy, have beautiful skin, hair and nails.

4. Meet interesting people, get distracted from thoughts about yourself - in each of the people there is a bottomless interesting world.

5. Don't be ashamed of what happened to you, talk about the problem and it will go away.

It was difficult and painful for me - during the nine months of illness I lost my health, all my friends and even love, they did not recognize me on the street and looked with pity. I didn't want to live or even be. But after three months of regular work and self-control, taking hormonal drugs and constant communication with good people, I managed to get back in shape.

INTERESTING:

It was not easy to accept myself this way, and for about two years I suffered from short-term outbreaks of the disease. The main thing that I understood then was that no one is immune from this hell, and if you are “lucky” to get into it, you need to gain strength and engage in an open battle with the disease. She is afraid of consciousness, which just needs to be ignited. Just remember that in this case you only have the last match in the box at your disposal.

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(short for "anorexic"), there will be a kaleidoscope of pictures of skinny limbs, sunken bellies, lonely apples on the table and pictures of simple diets of water and chocolates.

There are not so many real photos of the owners here: they hide behind pictures of skinny beauties found on the Internet. Because, as it seems to them, “something is wrong” with their bodies. They call themselves "butterflies", wish each other "plummets" - that is, weight loss - and are afraid of "overeating". These girls, in groups and one by one, rush into starvation, support each other with likes (“how many likes - so many days of hunger”), stories of successfully lost weight and in every possible way sing of asceticism and suffering.

Dissatisfaction with one's body, which used to be buried under a pillow along with a girl's diary, burst out in all its fury, becoming a unifying ideology for high school students with their own slang, quality standards and ways to achieve them. In their environment, the struggle with weight has ceased to be perceived as something shameful and at the same time - as something difficult. The diets shared by the “Typical Anorexic” subscribers are as frighteningly simple as possible: water and chocolate.

Why are they doing that

16 years old, 40 kg, height not named, Moscow

“At school, they told me that I was ugly because of my extra weight. But for me it all started in May, when I just got on the scales and got scared. I decided to pull myself together and start losing weight. But it broke every time. I used to eat and vomit - it did not help. Only then did she begin to get really hungry. I have been on hunger all day now - I drink only water. I think you can keep it that way for two weeks. How to get out of this diet - I think you can have an apple for breakfast, soup for lunch, fruit for dinner, and kefir or yogurt before bedtime. I thought that such diets could be dangerous for health, but I don't care anymore, because I really want to be thin. For what? To be happy. Maybe overweight people can be happy, but I can't."

14 years old, 58 kg, 169 cm, Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk

“In November I was 169 cm and 75 kg of weight. My classmate - she is 10 kg more - called me fat. It hurt me. I went to the public "Typical anorexic" and immediately stumbled upon a drinking diet.

A drinking diet is the exclusion of solid foods. On it you can only yogurt, broths, smoothies. I drank without restrictions, but in order to lose weight, many people drink up to 500 kcal. Usually they sit on it for a month, and the same amount - the exit, but I served 24 days - and then the exit. Gradually I introduced liquid cereals, then just cereals / cottage cheese, then vegetables and fruits, and by the end you can already sit on proper nutrition. Later, I was still on diets, and now I am also losing weight, I eat at a minimum. I lost 11 kg on drinking and exit, and in total today I have lost 17 kg.

My mom was all for it, because I was too big, and my dad doesn’t understand any of these things at all. Now my mother says that I’m doing well, but she doesn’t want me to lose weight further than 57 kg: she thinks I’ll become bony. They won’t be able to force me anyway, and besides, my mother herself is for proper nutrition and will not force me to feed.Until I like myself. And my goal is to please myself. Achieve the perfect - by my standards - figure. My ideal looks like this, this and that.

After I started losing weight, I began to look at the world differently. There used to be some kind of cult of food, but now I notice that the world is beautiful even without it. I began to devote more time to my development, I made good friends, and communication with people became easier. Yes, and life has become easier: now you don’t have to look for the biggest clothes and walk around like a sack of potatoes. HI started to read a lot of motivating stories about those who lost weight; model sunk into the soul Inna Fisun, from the diaries - here this and vlog Felice Fawn .

I do not know the meaning of the word "anorexia", but I know about this disease: it is difficult to get rid of it. The girl seems to be recovering, gaining weight, but this snake - anorexia - sits in her head and pushes her back. Girls who sit in the public "TA" and put the tags #typicalanorexic, you can say, deify it. But they confuse anorexia and thinness. After all, a girl under 100 kg can also suffer from anorexia, and a very thin one can weigh 38 and be absolutely healthy. It is difficult to understand what is the difference between sick and healthy ... Sick girls usually look sick. And just thin people usually live happily, a full life.

17 years old, 56 kg, 176 cm, Zaporozhye, Ukraine

“Now I’m on hunger for a week, I drink a lot: tea, water, compotes. I started losing weight at the age of 15, when I was such a “whipped” girl: I weighed 64 kg with a height of 173 cm, I had big problems in the waist and legs. I decided to lose weight when my classmate told me to my face that I had fat legs. This classmate is incredibly skinny and is on a diet to gain weight.

I didn’t have many friends, I wasn’t perceived as a person, I was an empty place. And I swore to myself that when I enter the 10th grade, I will become a new person. That summer, I took myself seriously. You need to understand that in most cases, just a diet does not help: you need sports. At first I just began to eat little, in the morning - inclinations and abs, in the evening I squatted. Then I started googling diets not for weight loss, but for weight loss. And I found my favorite - "choco": drinking days alternate with chocolate. You can have 100 grams of chocolate per day. Drinking allows all liquids - someone drinks only water, I allowed myself only low-fat kefir.

I lose weight intermittently, now my weight is 56 kg. I learned to love myself and now I don’t depend on the number on the scales, I orient myself in a different way: I look at myself in the mirror. And if it seems to me that I have some places that do not satisfy me, then I look for exercises and start exercising. During the time that I lose weight, my life has changed dramatically. I began to love myself. And I don't let people bully me. My last two years at school were perfect. I was somewhat like those queens from typical American films: I became more sexy, I had a personal life, guys began to be interested in me. Before that, they were only friends: I am an atypical girl - very cheerful and crazy. Yes, the guys were interested in me, but I was like a Kent to them.

19 years old, 50 kg, 158 cm, Krasnoyarsk

“Now I’m trying to get out of a long binge, I reduce my stomach and the amount of food, then I just want to have breakfast - that’s all. In general, so that there are no misunderstandings, I am not like the girls sitting in public about anorexia. I don’t punish myself, I don’t cut myself, I don’t consider “anu” to be some kind of deity - this is idiocy. Those who try to imitate stereotypes cut themselves: if you break loose, you punish yourself. They cut most of the legs. Fortunately, I don’t communicate with such people, but I know one girl who says that she has anorexia - she is small, she is 14 - I think she invented a lot of things. Although, you know, I also had moments when I went crazy, wrote all sorts of quotes in a notebook, I had bulimia, I drank fluoxetine, an antidepressant. When faced with this, you kind of try to behave adequately and not succumb to this nonsense, but then you catch yourself close to insanity.

I had a minimum weight of 39 kg with a height of 160 cm - then food was refused. But then, when the menstrual cycle disappeared for half a year and the doctors said that if I didn’t start eating and gain weight, I would never have children, then I began to realize what I was doing. After that, bulimia began: 2 fingers in the mouth, drank potassium permanganate to make everything better. Now I am 55 kg - I was 60 during bulimia, but I found the strength in myself and have not shoved my fingers into myself for more than a month.

A year ago, when I was still at school and lived with my parents, I was thin, my weight was no more than 45 kg, although I still did not like my figure and tried to diet. I entered a university and moved to another city, I suddenly began to get fat, I couldn’t throw it off, and after the New Year it was already 58. The weight didn’t go away - at least I ate, at least I didn’t eat. And then in one of the publics on proper nutrition they wrote an article about anorexic girls with the names of the groups in which they sit. They wrote that it was impossible, but for the sake of interest I went to the "Typical Anorexic", and I was sucked in. In general, all these publics are like a sect, such a swamp that is very addictive, and you seem to understand everything, but for some reason you are still in it.

15 years old, 63 kg, 168 cm, Lisichansk, Ukraine

“I’m far from a butterfly, but I’m confidently moving towards my goal. I thought about losing weight last winter. I began to grow up and, accordingly, get better. Everyone noticed this, since before I had never weighed more than 45 kg, with my height of 165 cm at that time. In the summer of 2014, I weighed 61 kg - it seemed to me something disgusting, but I did nothing. Then we had to move because of the situation in the country: I left with my mother, and my brother remained in the ATO zone. We settled in a rented apartment, where there was neither a TV nor a computer; I simply had nothing to do. Mom is at work all day, and my task was to prepare food for her arrival. I just started doing elementary squats out of boredom, then pumped the press 200 times a day, ran 3 times a week in the evenings.

I weighed 57 kg when we returned home, but everything went back to normal there. I didn’t eat all day, and then I came and ate everything I saw in the evening, so I got an ulcer and a couple of gastritis: abdominal pain, then internal bleeding, not much pleasant. The ulcer was treated in the hospital; Withabout me in the ward was a "butterfly", which weighed 40 kg with a height of 170 cm - she had anorexia nervosa and chronic gastritis. We became friends with her, it turned out that we have many common interests: we draw, write poetry, both suicidal persons. We also go to the same school and live on the same street.

In the public "Typical anorexic" I was impressed by the fragile figures, the determination and independence of the girls, their great willpower. I began to try to eat less: hunger, drinking, "choco" ... But I could not stand even a day - and in the evening I swept away everything that was in the refrigerator. She promised to lose weight by March 8, by April, by May, by summer. And my weight gradually grew beyond 60 kg. Now I changed my mind, realized that I have been losing weight for more than a year - and only gaining more weight. Now my goal is to be 57 kg by the fall, and then achieve the coveted figure - 47.

16 years old, 42 kg, 165 cm, Kamchatka

« Before, I never thought about what kind of figure I have and whether it fits into the standards of beauty invented by someone. I didn’t deny myself anything: I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and in any quantity. Nobody told me I was fat. Quite the opposite: I often heard from others that I was slim. But one day, after returning from vacation and standing on the scales, I was horrified: 59 kg! In the mirror, now I saw a fat monster, scaring everyone away with its massiveness. It was then that I began to lose weight up to 50 kg.

I was in the clinic with a diagnosis of anorexia nervosa - my parents sent me to the hospital, who accidentally saw me vomit after eating. There, in addition to various examinations, I talked with a psychologist and a psychotherapist. The psychologist worked on the problem of panic attacks, the psychotherapist - on eating disorders. I myself denied the disease until the very end. For all the time of diligent self-digging, I came to the conclusion that I depended too much on the opinions of others. I care what they think of me. I want to leave only a good impression, starting with knowledge and ending with a figure. Someone once said that if a person studies for one five, then he is smart (which, by the way, I do not agree with). This is how I became an excellent student. Society said that 90–60–90 is beauty, so I took the principle “the thinner the better” as an ideal.

Now I try to eat intuitively - I try as much as possible to listen to the needs of my body and eat exactly what it requires. In theory, even if these are cookies, then they need to be eaten. But I think in my case, anyway, the conscience will be connected to this matter much earlier than I allow myself to realize that I really want this.

13 years old, 43 kg, 157 cm, Ufa

“I have always been chubby. I remember in the 3rd grade they dragged us to weigh ourselves, and I was the fattest in the class. A year ago, I started losing weight with my mother - she also has problems with weight - but I still remained fat. At that time I was 157/47. My best friend looked better than me and all the guys I loved fell in love with her. I refused meat, fried - in general, from everything except water and vegetables. As a result, it became 157/45, but I really didn’t like my thighs, especially when I sat down. And then summer came, I went to the camp for the first time - and there I lost 2 kg. Then I went to a sanatorium - and there I ate 3 kg! I was shocked and when I returned, I started dieting again. First, on proper nutrition, then I reached “choco” - 1 chocolate bar a day, you need to drink a glass of tea or coffee without sugar with it. For 3 days - minus 2 kg. Now my weight is 43–44 kg, but I don’t stop until I reach 40!”

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