What to say to someone who insults you. How to quickly answer difficult questions

When a child enters a new team, he falls under the close attention of his peers. Teasing and ridicule is quite common in children's culture.

So children test newcomers for strength, train wit, and gain their own authority at someone else's expense.

The victim, who is bullied and teased with impunity in childhood, has the image of a loser in the adult future. If a child does not learn to deal with teasers, they will follow him throughout his life.

The child must resolve this situation on their own. It is only in your power to help him with useful advice, since your direct intervention or the intervention of a teacher can only worsen the situation. This will not affect the offenders in any way, but will only lower the status of the child in school.

The most common advice that parents give - to fight back or not pay attention - is fraught with danger. This danger lies in the fact that the child initially has primitive reactions, and it will be very difficult for him to adapt to verbal attacks in the future.

To teach a child to survive in an aggressive society, you must instill effective communication skills from the very beginning.

In children's and adolescent disputes, qualities so necessary for success in life are developed: resourcefulness; the logic of the argument; resourcefulness; fast reaction; persistence in evidence; mastery of the word; resistance to the emotional stress of the conversation. At the same time, it is important to understand that being able to argue does not mean only owning the logic of reasoning. You also need to be able to "butt" with the help of words.

Now I will teach you one technique from the course “Psycho Suppression. The Art of Winning Tough Negotiations, which will allow your child to resist ridicule and teasing very effectively.

Technique: Substitute Thought Attack

Mental image is figurative phrases, words and expressions that create vivid associations in the mind of listeners. They are used to block, seize the initiative, attack, for defensive purposes, to create a comic effect, to avoid an answer, and also simply to confuse the interlocutor for fun.

The essence of the technique is as follows: who sets the direction of the conversation, he wins. Who answers - he loses.

If you focus on the hook and the image it conveys by responding to that hook, you will lose. To win in a verbal skirmish, you need to ignore the mental image of the interlocutor and set a new mental image.

Examples:

1. – What are you muttering there?

The rest can hear me fine. Maybe you have hearing problems?

2. - Why did you shut up?

- They say it's better not to piss off psychos ...

3. - What, scared?

Clowns don't scare me...

4. - You are a fool.

- Where did you see the fool? What's in the mirror? So you look at him less ...

The use of a substitute mental image gives the greatest effect when there are many witnesses around. If the opponent cannot quickly find a decent answer, he will show everyone his problems with a sense of humor. If he was the informal leader of the group, he may lose his status, and authority to boot. After all, intelligence, intelligence and a sense of humor are important qualities for a leader.

Therefore, if your child is given such holds, you need to quickly be able to get out! If he freezes at a clue or starts to be rude, this means that he was hurt, and in no case should you show this.

Responding to a hook with a hook of the same kind, without adding mental images, you lose.

Examples:

1. - Where did you study to be a clown?

- What do you know about clowns?

- There is no need to understand here - you just have to look at you ...

2. The person says something.

- What?

Did you wash your ears?

- Did you wash your eyes? (guy loses)

The correct answer is:

- What?

Did you wash your ears?

What are you, a speech therapist? (new mindset).

In order to reverse the hold, it is necessary and sufficient to expand the image that the opponent creates with his phrase, or replace it with a new image.

If a person does not understand that they are mocking him, and answers the hook seriously, then he shows others that you are smarter than him.

For example, a guy teases his classmate:

“Didn’t you sleep at home again?”

- Why do you think so?

- You are wearing the same clothes as yesterday!

What happened? The guy asked the mental image - "she was not at home." She took it not as a clue, but as a question, and did not turn it over, but answered it.

In response, he played a joke on her.

How was she supposed to get out? It was necessary to expand the mental image!

Add or change something.

For example:

“Didn’t you sleep at home again?”

“Ah, so it was you who woke up my neighbors under the window all night yesterday!”

To the mental image “she was not at home”, we added “he was waiting for her like a sucker all night”.

Developing effective communication skills in a child

In order to teach a child to communicate with peers, it is necessary that he has several “blanks” “in his pocket”. For example, phrases how to start an acquaintance: “Hi, my name is Misha! And what is your name? Do you want cookies? I can feed you!"

You can effectively teach a child to communicate with peers by setting up problem situations for him, for which he must choose a way out:

Your friend took your toy without permission. What will you do?

– You are constantly laughed at and teased by one guy in our yard, he calls you lop-eared. What will you do the next time you hear this?

The boy you are playing with suddenly grabbed and pushed you. You hurt. What will you do?

When you get options for solving these problems, discuss them with your child and gently lead him to the right solutions if he answered some questions incorrectly. After some time, the child himself will learn to adequately get out of difficult life situations.

It also doesn’t hurt to practice at home in verbal battles: “if he tells you ..., then you tell him ...”.

The more options are found, the more likely that one of them is used by the child to resolve the brewing conflict.

Base of attacking mental images

You can teach your child the following phrases so that he can adequately counterattack his bullies in verbal skirmishes.

These are the phrases:

– Do you yourself believe in it?

- Turned on his legs, bounced quickly!

- Inject yourself with Red Bull, you will become faster

- How long has this question bothered you?

Don't even come near me, I'm busy!

- If I need your opinion, I will definitely ask you

- If a person is bitten by a vampire, he becomes a vampire! It feels like a ram has bitten you

- Another word and you will smile with gums!

- We are being watched. We'll talk tomorrow

- You have the last word. Just ask - clearly and without nonsense

- Forgot the correct answer? Well, you'll remember soon

- Shut your mouth - you'll catch a cold!

“And how do you get such thoughts in your head?”

And how do you live with it

"Is that all you can say?" You can do better. Try again

"What's your name, nightmarish creature?"

- Nod if you understand. All, see you soon

Who makes you say those words?

- Who do you work for?

- Watch your mouth. Disease enters through it.

Don't worry, I forgot your name too.

- Don't annoy me, I have nowhere to hide the corpses

- Don't drink so much, you look bad

- Don't bubble

Don't laugh, you'll tear your mouth

Don't touch my virtues with your flaws

If you don't want scary answers, don't ask me weird questions.

- Don't mess with my time

Good question, but why are you asking it?

– No, but your eyes say yes, especially the left one.

What else are you afraid to ask me?

- Sharp! I even cut myself!

– Wunderkind's answer

Where does this stupid confidence come from?

“Shut up, victim of a drunken midwife!”

- Fix the hernia, otherwise it falls out a lot

- Get lost in fear!

- You will open your mouth at the dentist!

- Dump into the fog and cover yourself with a cloud

Do something to make me respect you.

- Tell yourself “stop”, please!

- You were not dropped as a child, but thrown

Now you will have nightmares

- You are a mystery that cannot be heard to the end

Are you aware that you urgently need a doctor?

- While you are thinking, I will tell you a funny story

- You wounded me in the heart like the Snow Queen

- Have you lost the list of whom you are afraid of?

- Your head boils like a moonshine

Good luck with your nefarious plans

- Are you leaving? Why so slow?!

- Being rude to me is a bad omen!

- Enough to rustle at me with a bag

- Pretend to be human for once

- Why are you sitting, you do not catch mice ?!

- Why are you clapping your eyes?

- I would like a son like you

- I was so surprised only once in my life when I was born

- I'm not the last bastard, two more occupied me

- I will consider your wishes. Do not cough.

The more pearls your child has in store, the less the children around him will want to try to tease him.

After all, the images are sticky, and if your child finds a successful response to an attack on him, then the opponent may well get a nickname for years to come.

“Insult (invective vocabulary) is a deliberate or negligent humiliation of the honor and dignity of another person, expressed in an indecent form, that is, a form that contrasts with the norms accepted in the society in which the act is performed. Insult can be inflicted verbally, in writing, by action, publicly, both in the presence and in the absence of the victim. When insulting, information disgracing the victim is not reported, but a negative assessment of his personality in a rude form is given.

Knowing the enemy by sight makes it easier to fight. Is it necessary? I have long worked out for myself a certain tactic of responding (or rather, NOT responding) to insults. When a person deliberately wants to offend you, ask yourself the question: WHY? Why is he doing this? Wants to humiliate you in order to exalt himself? Then his act causes compassion. This is the only way a person can assert himself. Or he wants to hurt your nerves to piss you off. For what? He is looking for a lightning rod in you, he wants to drain his irritation somewhere.

Always think - why? And after you understand the root cause, and choose your own. After all, we cannot be offended, we can only be offended. Sami.

I already wrote how I reacted to the tyrant boss, who, in relation to employees, elevated it to the daily practice of communicating with the team. At first, she reacted very violently, because. I have never experienced anything like this in my life and I was categorically against such communication. The corporation had a full-time psychologist. It was she who advised me to present him every time as a small, capricious child who constantly cries and fights. He needs to be calmed down and patted on the head. Plant in a pot and feed with porridge. That's how I started doing it. The effect is amazing! As soon as I saw his jeep on the horizon, I began to imagine this whole picture. The smile did not leave his lips. So many have appeared. But the most interesting thing is that our boss became afraid of me. He saw my psychological advantage and did not know how to deal with me.

Photo: Debu55y/Shutterstock.com

Much later, I “worked” on it and such a technique from. It's called Aquarium. When our boss gathered everyone for a meeting and started screaming and insulting from half a turn, I immediately imagined him in an aquarium, like a fish that opens its mouth, but you can’t hear the words. She put on such a protective shell. And his words, like balls, bounced off me, not reaching the goal. Perhaps I was the only one of the entire department who could keep a sober mind after such unfortunate meetings. Everyone else was knocked out for the rest of the day.

“A gentle answer removes malice; hurtful words arouse anger.” John Ruskin.

Also a good welcome. Only it requires a certain hardening, endurance. Respond politely to malicious insults. Or, at the very least, say calmly: How rude and rude you are". Sometimes this acts like a tub of cold water on the offender. In any case, you get a pause and will be able to retreat from the battlefield with your head held high.

The most unfortunate, in my opinion, response method is to shout all sorts of nonsense in response. Of course, in this way you become a twin brother and slide down to the level of this ill-mannered type. But sometimes it helps relieve stress. Especially if you took two octaves higher.

Receiving a splash of negative emotions into the water helps much better. Open the faucet and just scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. How well it helps. Wash your face with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You are smarter! Give yourself five and try to draw healthy conclusions from this situation.

The man showed his true face. Can you remake it? Thankless work. Either you accept him the way he is, or that's the end of your relationship. The choice is always yours! The main thing is not to stoop to the role of a victim. Have a nice day and conflict-free contacts!

This is one of the first desires that arise after an insult. But a retaliatory attack is appropriate only if it:

• witty;
• takes place in the circle of relatives or friends;
• defuse the situation rather than exacerbate the conflict.

In all other cases, even if you consider yourself a wit worse than Oscar Wilde, answering an insult with an insult is not the best way out. So you sink to the level of a boorish opponent and make it clear that his words hurt you, that is, there may be some truth in them.

2. Make a joke

The difference between a witty insult and a joking response is that in the latter case, you are making fun of the situation itself. The advantages of this strategy are obvious: the insult loses its toxicity, tension, and the audience (if any) takes your side.

In this case, you can also take a pseudo-self-deprecating position. This will confuse your opponent and mask the sarcasm.

Example 1: A colleague says you've prepared an ugly presentation.

Answer: You are probably right. Next time, I won't ask my five-year-old son for help."

Example 2: A stranger calls you names.

Answer: “Thank you, this is very valuable information. You opened my eyes to my shortcomings. Something to think about over lunch."

3. Accept

In some cases, it is really worth analyzing words that seem offensive to you. Especially if they come from people close and respected by you. In this case, take their remarks not as an insult, but as criticism that can make you better.

It would be useful to think about the motives of people, to find out what exactly made them use harsh language. Perhaps this is a violent reaction to your far from angelic behavior.

4. Respond to intent, not words

Any insult always has a hidden purpose. Make the secret clear: designate it.

For example, in response to rude words, say: “Wow! Something really serious happened between us, since you decided to hurt me.

So, on the one hand, you can unsettle your opponent, and on the other hand, find out the reason for his negative attitude.

5. Keep calm

If the insult comes not from a loved one, but from a colleague, acquaintance, or even a stranger, never show that the words hurt you. Most likely, behind them lies insecurity, dissatisfaction with their own lives and a desire to simply recoup you. Don't let the trick work, react calmly and with a smile.

If necessary, continue to bend your line: ask what exactly caused such a reaction in a person, not paying attention to his words.

6. Ignore

Often the best answer is its absence. If we are talking about Internet trolls, you can simply not respond to their comments or send boors to . Well, "in offline mode" you can always skip the insult past your ears or leave. You have every right to do so.

An example from ancient Roman history... Once, in the public baths, someone hit the politician Cato. When the offender came to apologize, Cato replied: "I don't remember the blow."

This phrase can be interpreted as follows: "You are so insignificant that not only do I not care about your apology, but I did not even notice the insult itself."

7. Use the law

You can hold the offender accountable, or at least threaten him with it. Punishment for insult is prescribed in the Code of Administrative Offenses, but slander is already in the scope of criminal law. In case of insults from the boss, you can contact the personnel department.

The main thing - remember: no one has the right to encroach on your honor, dignity and reputation. But you must respond to people in the same way. Otherwise, any recommendations are meaningless.

Rudeness, vulgarity, swearing, insults and other impartial things are a widespread and depressing phenomenon, an ineradicable evil in the modern world.

While most people strive to be polite, tactful, and courteous to each other, there are times in life when when you just can't get away from rudeness. The correct response to aggression from the outside can help not only to curb the rude person, but also to maintain one's own self-esteem. Let's try to answer the question - how to respond to an insult funny and sarcastic?

Rudeness and rudeness are common for a number of different reasons, ranging from the banal bad mood and ending with a whole list of personality traits. Basically, people are impudent and rude to others because:

• Do not experience satisfaction from life;
• They have an inferiority complex, groundless arrogance and egocentrism;
• Have a low level of culture and education;
• They want to provoke someone to exchange insults due to their aggressive nature.

Unhappy, embittered, squeezed, but at the same time ambitious and conceited people are the main generators of rudeness in society. Deliberate neglect of others, the conflicting nature of character, primitive consciousness - all this can seriously ruin the life of balanced and well-mannered people.
How to respond to insults?

Let's say the rude still does not let up and continues to bring his "opponent" out of balance. It is by no means possible to stoop to his level and start a response tirade full of sophisticated insults. How, then, to besiege the lover of insults?

Important! Rude - always weak and insecure person who is very afraid of being worse than others. This is an axiom that should always be kept in mind in the event of a verbal conflict.

Ignoring

Silence is not only gold, but also the most popular way to deal with rudeness.

Defiantly ignoring various impudent "cattle" can be effective only in the case of absolute equanimity.

No touchy looks, tired sighs and similar reactions! For successfully ignoring insults it is necessary to show the rude that he is an empty place.

calmness

If the previous tactics did not have the desired effect, and the flow of insults continues to spoil the mood of others, then during the “conversation” with rude people, one should try to maintain self-control and not show one’s confusion.

A frank and firm position expressed calm and confident tone, often acts on the "bazaar boor" like cold water. Being energy vampires at their core, brawlers draw inspiration from weak, pliable and nervous people. Icy calm drives the rude into a stupor, because he expects the opposite reaction.

You to me, I to you

You can use the method of transferring the negativity of the interlocutor to him. Whatever he says, full agreement with his remarks and gratitude for identifying “flaws” will put the rude out of action. After all, he is waiting for a sharp disagreement with his attacks, how can this be ?!

However, calm phrases like "thanks for the valuable advice", "I'll take note" and other similar options can silence the source of insults. This method works best in public, because a rude person is unlikely to receive any support from outside, and may even be ridiculed.

Sneeze

If ignoring did not help, and the boor continues to pour insulting remarks, you can let him do this until he believes that he is right.

And then sneeze, pause, and say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to that kind of nonsense."

Similar replica will cause confusion, and can reduce the flow of insults to nothing.

What to do if a loved one or colleague is being rude?

A stranger who decides to assert himself with the help of insults at someone else's expense does not deserve attention and deserves only to be ignored. But in the case of people who make up a permanent social circle, this method will not work. Therefore, with rudeness coming from relatives and friends, it is necessary to immediately deal with and clarify all uncomfortable topics.

Another thing is people who, by the will of fate, are colleagues (classmates, fellow students, regular visitors to any institutions).

Important! Gently avoiding the exchange of insults is the first step that almost every sane person takes.

If silent ignorance only provokes a rude person, then you can imagine him as a capricious little child, attracting attention to himself with various boorish phrases. After all, no one will take seriously, albeit rude, but not aware of his behavior, the baby?

Thus, ignoring will help not only to gain protection from all kinds of insults, but also to improve your own mood. Moreover, the rude one way or another will notice the displayed stamina, which in the future may have a positive effect on his behavior.

And yet silent ignoring does not always lead to successful settlement of the conflict. sometimes worth it pluck up courage and fend off the brute. For this, the phrases “Who allowed you to talk to people like that?”, And also “You will talk in such a tone with your wife / husband” will do quite well. Most often, such remarks are enough to indicate to the rude man who is who.

When is the best time to ignore insults?

Rendering resistance to rude people is sometimes a deliberately meaningless exercise.

Provocations on the streets, in shops and other public places are best simply ignored.

In principle, a person cannot be liked by everyone, therefore the most advantageous move in such a situation is demonstrative ignoring.

In addition, there is a risk of meeting unstable and inadequate rude people. When they exhaust their meager vocabulary, they can easily go from simple insults to physical violence. In order not to suffer in a fight, it is best not to enter into any conversations with such rude people and to retire with dignity from the “battlefield”.
How to respond to insults?

Respond nicely to insults

Polite communication discourages rude people, because they do not expect such an unusual reaction. For example, the phrase "Dear, I'm not going to talk to you in that tone" or "Dear, you probably confused me with someone else" can cool the boorish ardor.

Other similar remarks demonstrating good manners and education: "Rudeness does not paint you", "Thank you for showing interest in me", "Don't be upset, you will still succeed."

If this does not work, it is best to say goodbye to the "interlocutor" and leave.

Smart responses to insults

You can ask leading questions that a rude person probably won't be able to answer. Best variants of similar phrases: “Why do you want to hurt me?”, “What do you really want from me?”, “Which answer will suit you, polite or truthful?” etc.

witty answers

The owners of a sharp mind can build a good line of conduct with ill-mannered people.

Responding to criticism with various funny remarks, you can not only beautifully put a person in his place, but also cause general laughter under certain circumstances.

They do this job well following remarks: “Didn’t you scare Babayka as a child?”, “I’m not interested in what you think of me, but I’m glad that you know how to think”, “Go, vacuum the desert!”, “My main drawback is the inability to communicate with rude people "," Do I look like a dentist? Then please shut your mouth."

Shyness and shyness are real food for quarrelsome and scandalous personalities, and ignoring them cannot always improve the situation. It is worth remembering this and at the right moments to overcome yourself, giving a worthy rebuff to various manifestations of human meanness.

« And how much do you earn?», « Do you want to have a second child?», « When are you getting married?», « You are getting divorced, right?” - probably, each of us has been in an awkward situation when a curious interlocutor really wanted to get hold of information that you do not want to share, and then regret what direction this conversation took.

Here are some strategies that will help you answer the toughest questions and feel great at the same time. If you follow our advice, then you will not have to go into your pocket for a word in a real situation.

When answering unpleasant questions, you have every right not to give the interlocutor any specific information. Behave like a programmer from a joke, who answered the question of the lost Holmes and Watson traveling in a balloon, absolutely correctly, but at the same time there was no use from his words.

– Sir, can you tell us where we are?
“In a balloon basket, sir!”

Or give general, but also not very useful information.

– How much do you earn?
– Like everyone else, the average salary in the industry(significantly less than Abramovich).

2. Mirroring

“Return” to the interlocutor his question. This can be done using two simple methods.

1) Formulate the “request” in such a way that the person with whom you are talking becomes uncomfortable for your interest. Use a generic construction that starts with " I understand correctly that...”, and its ending will depend solely on whether you continue to communicate, whether you want to “build” your personal boundaries, etc.: “ Do I understand correctly that you would like to hold a candle in my bedroom?", or " Do I understand correctly that your main problem today is my personal life?", or " Do I understand correctly that interest in other people's troubles is in the order of things for you?". Well, if you say all this in a very polite, very calm, icy tone and do not gesture at the same time, except that you raise one eyebrow in surprise.

2) "Increase" interest in a given topic by addressing the interlocutor with a counter question from the same category:

– When are you going to give birth to the second one?
- Are you the third one?

3. "Theater of one actor"

Hearing some unpleasant question, you can always imagine yourself as a great dramatic actress, look soulfully into the interlocutor’s eyes, take a deep breath, press your hands to your chest (if you wish, you can “break” your fingers), portray the abyss of despair and say in a tragic voice: “ I beg you! Never, you hear, never ask me about it!».

The second option - you portray a person giving a press conference (we will not name specific names, but we recommend paying attention to the persons of the first echelon of power) and say the phrase: “ Please next question!". The third version is for fans of the series "Univer". Remember karateka Eduard Kuzmin (aka Kuzya) and say: “ This is classified information!».

4. “I am not a bore, not a bore, not a bore!”

Instead of being offended, angry, or otherwise demonstrating that the interlocutor's question hurt you, start answering in an even, monotonous voice. The most important thing is the details. State the smallest details and start very far!

– When will you get married?
– Astrologers say that in order to conclude a happy marriage, it is necessary that the ascendants of lovers converge(do not ask us what the ascendants are and whether they should actually converge - any abstruse theory that your counterpart does not understand too well is suitable, even a "stargram", even a sharp turn in the life line, even the Nazdak index). And at that moment, when I realize that I have met my soul mate and check if we are suitable for each other(I'll have to specify where and what time he was born), then I'll tell him: "Yes." And not a minute earlier.

5. Joking, it's annoying!

–My God, how much did you spend on this dress?
- I had to starve for two weeks, but what can not be done for the sake of fashion!

Universal Answers:

“I admire your ability to ask perplexing questions!” Or: " You are an amazing woman (an amazing man), you know what always amazed me about you? This is your ability to ask incorrect (difficult, rhetorical) questions!”

“I’ll be happy to answer your question, just tell me first, why are you so interested in this?”

"What are you interested in?"

"Do you really want to talk about it?". If you hear affirmative "Yes", boldly retort: ​​" But I do not want' and smile.

If you don't want to have any more dealings with a person who asks tactless questions, you can allow a few more. For example, remark in response: It's my doggy business.".