What do you think is the most important thing in raising a child? ... about the main thing in raising children
Family is a school of love for adults and children
“What kind of children are born does not depend on anyone, but so that
they became, through proper upbringing,
good - it’s in our power.”
Plutarch
A person spends almost his entire life in his family. First in the parent's, then in your own, then, perhaps, in the family of your children. Over time, the composition of the family changes, responsibilities and concerns change. We rarely think about the meaning of familiar words: “peace”, “family”. But Peace on Earth begins with peace in the family.
Family is a school of love for adults and children. Recently, a lot has changed in our society, and there have also been changes in the family. Today you rarely see a patriarchal family, where the father is the owner and the mother is the keeper of the home. Women are increasingly striving for self-realization and achieving great success in their careers. Difficult economic relations force all family members to think about how to make money.
What do the parents of our students think about this?
We invite you to familiarize yourself with the results of the survey.
What do you consider the most important thing in family education?
Who has a positive influence on your child?
Which of the following life attitudes is In your opinion, what is the most significant for a child?
Other answers: to be realized in your profession, in life, to be a decent person, respected, to have a job you love, to be happy, honest, decent, to create a friendly family, to become an individual.
What character traits do you want to develop?in your child, first of all?
And also: leadership, organization, empathy, vigilance, a calm attitude towards mistakes, inflexibility, gallantry, openness to the world, independence, cheerfulness, decision-making ability, diligence, humanity, resourcefulness, significance, lack of laziness, love.
What forms of approval and encouragement do you use in the education process?
What do you think your child expects from the family in which he lives?
And also: mutual understanding, love, affection, gifts, support, respect, travel, parental participation in his life, a sister.
How often do you have your child’s friends at your house?
Do you think your child will want his future Was the family similar to your parents?
Parents' answers:
Elementary School:
As a family, we always listen and take into account the child’s opinion.
I believe that everything should be done in moderation: both praise and scolding. You need to not be lazy in developing your children, investing, talking every day. Show by example what is good and what is bad.
Raise a child to respect elders, to be friendly and helpful in the family.
Don't hit the child, but talk and explain. Do not sort things out, do not shout in front of the child. Focus the child’s attention on noble, good deeds and be an example in this.
Love children.
High school:
Children need to be believed and understood.
Education is based on respect and obedience to elders.
Lead by example.
Children copy us. Be moral yourself.
Love your child, but don't fall in love with him. Respect his opinion. Appreciate the moments of communication.
You need to talk to your child and try to understand every situation - good and bad.
Always be able to listen to the child to the end. Always be restrained if the child is playing around or has done something wrong.
Talk a lot, listen and hear the child, determine the “borders” of what is permitted.
Parents should be for their ownchildren's closest friends.
Respect for the older generation, fair solutions to various types of issues.
Constantly talk about the rules of behavior in society, the rules of etiquette. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
The moral education of children in the family is a personal example of relationships, the behavior of parents.
The most important thing is to raise children with love. Trust them and treat different situations with understanding. Be attentive to everything that interests and worries the child. Respect children's wishes.
Do everything together. Lead by example! Observe traditions.
Using my own experience and the example of my father, show that one must treat elders and women with respect. To achieve something in life, you need to study well and go towards your goal.
To be not only parents, but also friends.
Education in Orthodoxy. Conversations about God, studying prayers, visiting the Temple, observing the traditions of Orthodox holidays.
From generation to generation, pass on love for loved ones, for the Motherland, honesty, decency and try to cultivate this in your child.
Remember that the main condition for the integrity of the family and the strength of the spiritual foundations laid in children is mutual love. Take care of the loving unity of the family, do not hesitate to show love to your loved ones and, first of all, to your children. Remember that a true lover lives not by himself and not for himself, but by those and for those whom he loves: his thoughts and feelings are subordinated and devoted only to life for his loved ones. Remember: Without love, everything is nothing!
Memo for parents
1. The family is a material and spiritual unit for raising children, for marital happiness and joy. The basis, the core of the family is marital love, mutual care and respect. The child should be a member of the family, but not its center. When a child becomes the center of the family and parents sacrifice themselves, he grows up to be selfish.
2. The main law of the family is that everyone takes care of everyone., and each family member takes care of everyone to the best of his ability. Your child must firmly grasp this law.
3. Raising a child in a family is a continuous acquisition In the process of living in a family, they receive useful, valuable life experiences. The main means of raising children is the example of parents, their behavior, their activities.
4. Contradictions are very harmful for raising a child in a family. in the parents' demands. Agree them with each other.
Contradictions between your demands and the demands of the school and teachers are also harmful. If you do not agree with our requirements or they are not clear to you, come to us and we will discuss the problems together.
A man leaves himself
First of all, in man.
This is our immortality.
And if you want
Remain in the human heart,
Raise your children!
FATHER AS TEACHER
“Without good fathers there is no good education,
despite all the schools and institutes"
N. M. Karamzin
The state, school, school and country camps, and so on take care of the upbringing of children, but nothing can completely replace the influence of the father. In our age of feminization, when mostly women work with children in nurseries and kindergartens, in schools and out-of-school institutions, there is an acute shortage of male influence on children.
An adult man feels the need to take care of others, to be a support for the weak, thus feeling his own strength and importance. This is most fully manifested in paternal feelings. Only under this condition will husbands be happy.
Fathers must make up for this deficiency in family conditions, because male influence on children is just as necessary as female influence. Without it, family upbringing of children will be flawed, because it is not for nothing that the concept of “fatherlessness” has had a very bitter meaning since ancient times. Fatherhood is a test of a man’s social and moral maturity.
The wonderful teacher V. A. Sukhomlinsky said well about the happiness of fatherhood:“The only thing that eases the lot of a person at the end of his life is the sincere, devoted, faithful love of children. All other joys pale before this highest, truly human joy.
Truly happy is the one who knows how to accumulate this wealth bit by bit throughout his life.
This is the only capital on which you can live in old age, feeling the calm confidence that you have not lived your life in vain.”
The role of the father in raising children
Currently, the greatest burden and responsibility for raising children falls on the shoulders of women. Think about it, they raise us in kindergartens, teach us in schools, and at home, often, dad takes a passive position in shaping the child’s character, believing that this is a woman’s business. However, the need for male education cannot be denied.
The father has a special role in the family. First of all, the father embodies for his child the example of a man - a protector, a provider, a gentleman. The role of the father in raising a child comes down to the fact that the parent is for the child the stronghold of the family hearth, the guardian and protector of the home. Thanks to this, children feel more confident and grow up psychologically healthier, because they have such a reliable rear.
The role of the father in raising his son
Dad is very important in a boy's life. It is the father who is for him an example of correct male behavior - in relation to his family, his beloved woman, friends, future children. The child imitates his father to a greater extent. The role of the father in family upbringing also comes down to the fact that the man, by and large, should represent a more disciplining side compared to the gentle nature of the mother. However, without showing aggression and excessive severity - otherwise the son will grow up embittered and bitter. Dad's support and recognition, development of independence, masculinity, respect for women - all these are the main tasks of raising a son by a father.
The role of the father in raising his daughter
Raising a girl is a delicate and very responsible process. The fact is that, growing up, the daughter uses the image of her father when choosing a life partner, husband, boyfriend. The child also adopts the model of building relationships between wife and husband from his parents. In addition, the role of the father in raising his daughter is that, looking at her dad, the girl should see those qualities that make a man a real man. Therefore, a father should treat his daughter as a lady, a princess, thereby instilling in her feminine dignity. It is important to see a girl as an individual, consult with her, and value her opinion. A daughter who grew up in an atmosphere of love will most likely become a kind, sympathetic person and build a strong and loving family.
Raising a child without a father
There are situations when children grow up without fatherly love and attention. However, a son needs male upbringing in any case. To raise a worthy man, a mother should treat the boy like a man, despite the fact that he is still small. Ask him for help around the house, to give you a coat, to carry your bag. Let someone from the family (grandfather, uncle, older brother), friends be a worthy role model for your son. When raising a daughter without a father, an example of correct masculine behavior is also important. This could be a family member, a godfather, a friend who loves and cares for her. To avoid problems with the opposite sex, mother should tell her daughter about the relationship between a man and a woman, give her books to read about ideal love
"The role of the father in raising children"
Goal: discuss with parents about the importance of the father’s role in raising children.
Preliminary work: prepare posters “Humanity needs good men even more than great ones” (J. Rodari); “Teach a wife without children, and children without people” (Russian proverb). Record the children's answers to the following questions:
a) Do you love your dads? For what?
b) Who works with you more in your free time, dad and mom? What do you do in your free time with dad? What does dad do in the evenings?
c) If you were a dad, what would you help your mom with at home?
d) If you and dad walk together, what do you talk about? What questions does dad ask, what do you ask him?
e) What is your dad's job? What are you doing at work?
f) Have you ever heard swear words?
g) What is your dad like: kind or strict?
Creation of a subject-specific development environment: Posters “Humanity needs good men even more than great ones” (J. Rodari); “Teach a wife without children, and children without people” (Russian proverb). A tape recorder with a recording of the children's answers.
Progress of the meeting:
Educator: “One father means more than a hundred teachers.” - says the proverb. Considering the huge role of fathers in raising children, we decided to hold a meeting at which we brought up the eternal questions of fathers and children.
Our discussion is impossible without acquaintance. Please clasp your hands in a friendly handshake and introduce yourself.
A recording of children's answers to the question is turned on: “Why do you love your dads?” Questions for fathers: “What is your role in the family as fathers?” (read out the answers to 2-3 questionnaires); “What do you consider the most important thing in raising a child?”; “Whose participation in upbringing should be greater: maternal or paternal?”
Generalization: In a family, children need both female and male influence. The mother, as a rule, acts on them with affection and kindness. It plays a big role in nurturing humanistic character traits. But developing children’s sense of purpose, perseverance, and courage is the father’s concern.
Indeed, it is the father who can form a man’s attitude towards the world, towards his duty, a correct understanding of his place in life, and finally “chivalry” in a boy through his example and deed. “Son, you and I are men,” the father says quietly when a woman gets on the bus. The boy, following his father’s example, immediately gets up from the seat.
The father's role in preparing children for family life is great. His reliability, sensitivity towards mother, grandmother, children, desire to share household chores with them, to make family life more interesting and happy - all this passes on to the children: he teaches boys to be real men and subsequently good husbands and fathers, and encourages daughters to compare his friends with his father, place high demands on young people.
Questions for fathers:
1. What interests do you share with your children?
2. Do you think you spend enough time with your child?
3. What do you like to do in your free time, in the evenings, on weekends?
4. Does it happen that you are planning to play with your children, but postpone your intention because you have found something else to do?
After the fathers’ answers, turn on the tape recording of the children’s answers to the questions:
1. What do your dads do in the evenings?
2. Who spends more time with you in your free time: mom or dad?
3. What do you like to do with your dad?
4. What did dad teach you?
Generalization of the teacher.
The poet V. Ivanov in the poem “Why” names the reason for breaking contact with the child,
The son came to his father with a question
Dad! - the son returned soon.
Do you think whales can swim into the Don Sea?
Dad! Dad! That's funny! Have you ever been to the desert?
Why, tell me, is millet called millet?
Why is your neighbor an innovator? Why is it so bad with a mustache?
What is a squadron? Dad, what is “the edge”?
What is an excavator? The father looked angrily:
How did you live without matches before?
After! Once! Leave me alone!
Again the son came to his father:
Why is there smoke?
Leave me alone with your horse
Where is the moon during the day?
Dad, dad, when?
Shall we go to the theater with you?
moral spiritual father child
A small child openly appeals to the protective instinct inherent in nature itself: look, I’m weak, I need you so much.
The main thing here is not to be late! The main thing is to literally from the first days cultivate both in yourself and in the child the need to spend as much time as possible together. You build a house out of blocks, erect a fortress out of sand, repair a broken toy, assemble a crane from construction set plates, connect tricky wires of a radio circuit, act out the Battle of Borodino on the floor, kick a soccer ball around the yard, read a newspaper aloud in turns, discuss the latest news, and every times, without realizing it, you instill in your child that feeling of self-confidence and security that cannot be compared with any other.
The child goes with this feeling through childhood, through the difficult period of adolescence, and enters adolescence. And at all life’s turns, he is supported by the consciousness: my father can do everything, he can do everything. While raising children proceeds calmly, when you come home from work, you shield yourself with a newspaper from those little oddities and troubles that happen in the behavior of your son or daughter. The problem of fathers and children comes up when children grow up. The transition period passes painlessly in families where the father and the child have friendly relations from early childhood, where the child is confident that the father is interested in everything in his life, not only grades and behavior, where they read together, travel together, where parents share their children’s hobbies, be it stamps, sawing, drawing. And this process is extremely painful in a family where there is no such contact, where the son bitterly says: “Dad doesn’t understand me.” And there are many such examples in life.
Situation: a father takes his child from kindergarten. "Well how are you?" - he asks with warmth in his voice. “Okay,” the son answers in monosyllables. “What was for lunch? - asks the father, - What were you doing? How did you behave? How do you rate this conversation? Did the father conduct the conversation with the child correctly? Do you have difficulties communicating with your child? Which?
Tape recording of children's answers to questions:
What is your father's job? What does he do at work? What do you and your father talk about when going to kindergarten or returning home?
Gaining a child's trust does not mean prying. The child must talk about himself, reveal his innermost thoughts and secrets, and ask questions that concern him. But this is possible if you meet him halfway, on the way from kindergarten you tell him what worries you at work, what you managed to do during the day, remember the people you met, share your concerns and thoughts, tell him what affected you in the newspaper you read. Talk to him about everything: family problems, weekend plans, the latest hockey match. Don't think that your child is small and won't understand anything. He will understand, but in his own way. The main thing is that he will feel that you are frank and are addressing him as an adult.
Contact your child more often with questions: what new happened today? What were they playing? Who did win? Do you think you have a good friend? Why? Tell me what this book is about? What would you do if you were me?
Talk more to children, and you will see that gradually the child will take over the initiative of the eloquent storyteller. He will talk enthusiastically about his childish affairs. Consider that your contact has taken place - the child believes in your interest in him. Now we need to consolidate the success achieved.
Feel free to run with your child at full speed, turning into a horse, Barmaleya, and be amazed at joint discoveries in nature. If you want to enter the soul of a child, you must believe in his child’s world, accept him as he is. You certainly don't think this is easy to achieve. The main thing is not to be late!
Situation: “Where are you going covered in snow, you rubbish? Mother just washed the floor... Come back, I say!” - the father shouts at his son. The son was offended. He himself now saw puddles on the clean floor, but he was in such a hurry to see his parents, he wanted to tell them what kind of snow slide they had built in the yard. Was it necessary to shout at the child so rudely?
Many families have their own Borka, stomping into the kitchen in felt boots or dirty shoes. But one child will understand his mistake if you take him by the hand and silently lead him out of the kitchen to shake drops of street moisture from his feet. You will reprimand the other person in a calm tone. You will teach the third one in a humorous manner, choosing the right moment for him: show how, out of breath, in dirty shoes, he runs into the kitchen, leaving dirty footprints behind him. The fourth is necessary.... However, for each case, taking into account the individuality of the child, you must choose the appropriate technique, but exclude rudeness, sharp gestures, and an orderly tone. Otherwise, all this will cause protest and rudeness in response.
Do children listen to you? By what means do you achieve this? Do you think that unity of demands with your wife is success in obedience? Do you think you have authority? Kindness or severity are your assistants in education?
Tape recording of children's answers to the question: is your dad kind or strict? Why do you think so?
A.S. Makarenko wrote that not tyranny, not anger, not shouting, not begging, but calm, serious and businesslike orders - this is what should outwardly express the technique of family discipline.
The family sometimes monitors the child’s every step; the father does not let him off the hook in anything: he forbids him to play noisy games, and demands strict adherence to the daily routine. What happens if a boy makes a mess in his toys or on his study table! Other, in kindergarten, at school. There is freedom here compared to domestic discipline. You can have a lot of fun, run around where there is no adult gaze. And then what a surprise: the son is acting up. This is a case where the father does not need to be proud of the discipline he has achieved.
Education requires moderation. In order for the child to be calmer at school, it is necessary to give the child a release of energy at home.
The father must punish for disobedience - otherwise irresponsibility will be born in the child. But punishment without repentance does not educate. If a child does not understand his guilt and does not want to atone for it, punishment will not teach anything, but may embitter him. “Why do we sometimes lose our authority? Is it possible to return it? - this question was asked by the father to the teacher A.S. Makarenko. The answer was: “Sometimes fathers complain about their children. They are not interested in being with them, they will never tell anything. But first we must remember: when for the first time they brushed off the child’s question, rudely interrupted his enthusiastic speech, interrupted some very important activity for him. Wasn’t that the first time a crack appeared in your relationship with your child, and alienation began? If children don’t believe you, if your son is rude to his mother, if your word is repulsive as peas, no pedagogical trick will help. This means they didn’t raise their treasure well. All educational work must begin all over again: review a lot, think about a lot and, above all, put yourself under the microscope.” “A wise man demands from himself, a worthless man from others.” These words of Tolstoy express a pedagogical principle that is not difficult for us, adults, to understand.
Tape recording of children's answers: if you were a dad, what would you help your mom with around the house? Warmth, peace, and comfort in the house largely depend on the mother, and her state of mind depends on her husband and father. Are your family responsibilities expanding?
Dear dads!
Should it surprise you if I say that an alcoholic father or a smoking father cannot become full-fledged educators? But if you have a kind heart and sometimes you spoil your son with walks, gifts, and if your child accepts you as the kind of person he wants to become, then he can easily accept your kindness along with your addiction to smoking, alcohol, and idleness. So, let's raise our children not so much with words, good impressions and gifts, but with an example worthy of all imitation.
In many families, children increasingly feel the lack of paternal care and spiritual communication with their father. Dad is busy at work, returns late, and the child waits: “Daddy will come soon” - and falls asleep without seeing his father. And if a week, a month, or years pass like this, then a paradox arises: although the whole family lives in the same apartment, under the same roof, nevertheless, the father and children do not know each other well, the father did not even notice how the children grew up.
Is it good?
No, it's very bad. Because the time for the emergence of true heartfelt friendship between father and son (daughter) has passed. The time has passed when a father could enter the lives of his children as his own person, an older friend, a mentor.
To become your own person for your children, it is not enough to be their father. It is necessary that they - dad, mom and children - live together as friends.
Know: pride in your parents is the moral foundation for the rise of a child’s personality. Shame for one's parents is a heaviness on the heart that does not allow a child to fly to its full height.
Educator: Thank you everyone, goodbye!
Interview with Shalva Aleksandrovich Amonashvili about raising children
Shalva Aleksandrovich Amonashvili - famous psychologist, teacher, Doctor of Psychology, honorary professor of Tyumen State University, full member of the Russian Academy of Education, head of the Center for Humane Pedagogy and the Laboratory of Humane Pedagogy at the Moscow City Pedagogical University, scientific director of experimental schools in Moscow, St. Petersburg , Tyumen, Nizhnevartovsk, Surgut and other cities.
Author of books translated into many languages: “Pedagogical Symphony”, “To school from 6 years old”, “Hello, children”, “How are you living, children?”, “Unity of purpose”, “Personal and humane basis of the pedagogical process”, “ School of Life”, “The Creation of Man”, “Amon Ra”, etc.
In the 60s and 70s, he led a mass experiment in Georgian schools, which had a wide response throughout the world due to the substantiation of a new scientific direction, which became known under the name “Humane-personal approach to children in the educational process.”
His “School of Life” system is recommended by the Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation for practical application. The principles of humane pedagogy, developed by Shalva Aleksandrovich Amonashvili, are clear and close to all creative teachers who want to get rid of the routine and patterns of authoritarian pedagogy in their work. The most complete answer to the question “What is humane pedagogy?” we find in Shalva Aleksandrovich: “This pedagogy accepts the child as he is, agrees with his nature. She sees in the child his boundlessness, realizes his cosmic nature and leads, prepares him to serve humanity throughout his life. It affirms the personality in the child by identifying his free will and builds pedagogical systems, the processuality of which is predetermined by teacher love, optimism, and high spiritual morality. It encourages pedagogical creativity and calls for pedagogical art. Humane pedagogical thinking strives to embrace the immensity, and this is the strength of educational systems and processes born in its depths.”
− Shalva Aleksandrovich, what do you consider the most important thing in raising children?
− Children are an amazing people with their own habits, character, traditions of play, communication, even pranks. I found the best definition of the concept of “children” in the book “Dictionary of the essence of words”: “Children are a people living in the truth.” And indeed, children love the truth, or rather, they do not know what a lie is. But living in society, they see how adults lie, swear, and children adapt, losing their true nature.
Maybe that’s why Jesus Christ said: “...Truly I tell you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.” For children are a people living in truth.
- And what is the most important thing in raising children, based on this understanding?
− It is necessary to cultivate honesty and conscience in children; Although initially children live according to their conscience, they do not yet understand this, they must be given the opportunity to realize what conscience is and adhere to it. Guide your children towards nobility, i.e. create noble people out of them.
I asked both teachers and parents: “What does nobility mean to you?” And each time they were not mistaken, absolutely accurately defining the meaning of the word “nobility”: it is kindness, love, honesty, decency, generosity, compassion, empathy. As an ideal for man and for humane pedagogy, I set out to raise children like this. All my colleagues try to adhere to exactly this and from an early age to cultivate nobility in children - the greatest state of mind.
In the 60s in the USSR, the goal was to educate good builders of communism, this, of course, is good, but people need to build relationships, create a family, and raise children. Then a split occurred in our country, and everyone began to educate good builders of capitalism. But all parties come and go, governments come and go, fashion changes, but the people should not lose nobility, honesty and love in their souls. Now, if everyone living in a city were noble, what would this city be like? Clean, beautiful, cozy, peaceful.
Therefore, in my opinion, the most important thing in raising children is nobility
− At what age, in your opinion, does raising children begin?
- Many people think this way: first a child must be born, then grow up a little, and then you can begin raising him. One philosopher was asked:
When does raising children begin?
How old is your child? - he asked his mother in response.
6 weeks from conception.
So, you are already 6 weeks late.
When a child appears in the womb, he begins to give signs, perceive external information, feel that he is being addressed, that he is being communicated with.
It has been experimentally proven that if, during pregnancy, pleasant quiet music is played next to the child, for example, Mozart, Bach, Tchaikovsky, then the child is calm, as if listening. But if you turn on noisy, disharmonious music instead, the child begins to twitch, as if trying to cover his ears with his hands. This means that initially there is harmony in the child, and he does not like everything that is disharmonious. Imagine that a child is often in a disharmonious environment: the mother watches low-quality television programs, reads bad books, the yellow press, God forbid, smokes, drinks, there is noise around, someone swears, is rude, and is rude. And then a child is born, who was formed for 9 months in a disharmonious environment. Naturally, he will be prone to irritability, anger, and whims.
I would like to clarify this ancient word “education”. After all, this is the word on which our fate and that of our children depends. Let's look “inside” the word; it contains the deepest wisdom: “education” is “feeding the axis.” What axis? - spiritual, of course. What is this axis powered by? - she feeds on images. Initially, the Creator is present in the child, who is revealed in him with the help of streams of beautiful, wise, sublime images, filled with all good feelings and intentions. Parents should think about what images they give to their child before conception, during pregnancy, after birth, in kindergarten, at school. The child should “bathe” in these beautiful, sublime images: pleasant speech, sincere relationships, wise and useful knowledge, tender and faithful love.
Education begins long before conception, when the desire, the image of a child appears.
− Shalva Aleksandrovich, please tell me, what should we pay more attention to in raising boys and girls?
You have now touched upon an experience in me that greatly torments me. Recently I turned to information about American education and upbringing, and one of the facts that struck me was this: 30% of the American population are people with non-traditional sexual orientation. Recently, the army allowed soldiers to talk about such sexual orientation out loud. And is it really possible that in America every third person is born with a non-traditional sexual orientation? Yes, there are such deviations from nature, i.e. illnesses, but is it really so often and so much? This cannot be, which means that civilization specifically cultivates such inclinations in people. Guys are artificially made feminine, weaning them off responsibility, and beautiful girls are made masculine. But isn't it better to remain who nature created you to be?
For me, as a Georgian, female honor is extremely important. In Georgia, for example, a woman’s honor is above all else; the honor of the family rests with the woman. She is a mother, wife, daughter. First of all, they pay attention to a woman’s honor, prudence, and chastity.
In raising girls, I attach importance to this. You can always learn to sew, knit and cook; sometimes it happens that a man cooks better. A woman should create a space of love, be feminine, gentle, calm, wise. The name of the last quality comes from the Greek name of the ancient goddess “Sophia” - wisdom, symbolizing the Eternal Feminine Principle. This is a woman's dowry from God.
As for boys, they are future men and must defend their homeland, family, children, old people, and their honor. A man must be devoted, faithful, honest, and be able to sacrifice.
But, unfortunately, in mass education, quite the opposite happens.
Yes, I am a supporter of emancipation, so that the way is open for women in all spheres of life, even in management, but I would not like to see a woman, for example, working in a mine. There are areas where only men should work.
- What if the wife has made a good career and holds a high position, and the husband is socially inferior to her?
- Let this not humiliate a man. There was a case when I had a woman as my boss, she dictated terms, commanded, but a man should not perceive this as humiliation.
A woman should also manage femininely. Remember the wonderful and very instructive Soviet film “Office Romance”. The main character was a masculine leader - she did not have good relationships with her subordinates, but when she became more feminine, everything changed for the better. She began to pay more attention to her appearance, to show gentleness in communication, and, as a result, her employees began to respect her and, in the end, she got married and gave birth to a child.
Valentina Ivanovna Matvienko has now been elected Chairman of the Federation Council. Will she really be there waving her fists and screaming? Yes, she calls for order, but she does it like a woman. In the Federal Assembly, the majority are men who elected her themselves, and they understand that a woman has Divine wisdom and intuition. And if a man is not satisfied with something, he can calmly explain his position, but not be humiliated.
You see, where there is nobility, feelings of envy, jealousy or infringement will not arise.
Or consider the relationship between mother and son in the family: after all, not only the father, but also the mother raises the son and guides him. And if the family is harmonious, with its own traditions, then the relationship between mother and son remains trusting for life, and the mother significantly influences the lifestyle of the son and his family.
- The next question is somewhat sensitive: “What if, out of stupidity, the expectant mother had an abortion?”
- I discussed the issue of abortion in my books. In general, this is a great sin that is almost impossible to “wash away”; in fact, it is the murder of a child. Therefore, a woman should not do this, no matter what happens. After all, since God sent her a child, it means that he will provide opportunities for his birth and upbringing.
But since this has already happened, in order to smooth out the sin of abortion, you need to give care, love, attention, serve your next or existing children, and if you can’t give birth to more children, then other children, and not only children, in general all the people around you, for all people grow out of children. You need to find the strength to be more attentive, sensitive, patient, generous, and compassionate to everyone. Only this can somehow mitigate the sin of abortion. And then it depends on God whether he will forgive you completely or not. But as St. John Chrysostom said: “Let us repent and create fruits worthy of repentance.” So do worthy deeds to wash away the traces of sins.
You can read more about how to mitigate the sin of abortion or free yourself from it in the “Thanksgiving with Love” Journal No. 4.
− How many children do you think there should be in a family?
− According to the popular proverb: “One child in a family is regression, two are just compensation, and three or more are already progress.” The more children in the family, the more profit there is in nobility, generosity, love, and kindness. Especially when the country is going through a crisis, both demographic and spiritual. Russia is a huge country, and the spaces are not fully developed.
Not everyone can boast of the opportunity to have three or more children, but if such an opportunity exists, you need to create a large, strong, friendly family in love.
- I often tell my students about this when I explain the phenomenon of education.
You need to imagine your future child healthy, happy, talented, harmonious, love him, as well as all the children around, treat them with tenderness, care and understanding, show your femininity towards children, give practice to your maternal feelings.
It is very important for an expectant mother to think about the sublime and beautiful, because thought, as we know, is material. The more sublime and pious the thoughts of future parents are, the purer the soul of their child will be.
And when the child is already in the womb, you need to protect him and yourself from possible irritants, pray to God for him, talk to him, let him listen to good music. Let the father put his ear to his stomach and whisper to the child. There should be harmony, mutual understanding, mutual support and love in the family. These are the very pure streams of love, thanks to which the child is nourished.
−What books and methods do you recommend for raising children?
− First of all, I am an adherent of classical pedagogy, starting with the works of Marc Fabien Quintilian (“Education of an Orator”) to the works of Vasily Aleksandrovich Sukhomlinsky (“I Give My Heart to Children,” “The Birth of a Citizen”).
In the book by M.F. Quintilian’s “Education of the Orator” has such a wonderful phrase: “Father, as soon as your son is born, you should from that very time have good hope for him...”. Let's expand on this idea. When a child is born into a family, we must place the highest hopes on him. What are the big hopes? We are not talking about money or career - we are talking about nobility and love in the soul. And everything material that should be according to fate will come to the child itself if there is love inside him.
And what will happen? Great hopes give rise to great care in parents for the child and will reveal the depth of love in them, for parents will look for ways to justify their hopes, and this search is upbringing and pedagogy.
There is another wonderful book by Johann Heinrich Pestalozzi, “How Gertrude Teaches Her Children.” This is a classic of education, of course, now in the modern world we will raise our children a little differently, but these books have basic principles that are relevant and important beyond time, they are eternal.
Among my books there is, for example, “The Art of Education” - it is about family education.
- Sometimes it happens that mom and dad love their child so much that they literally smother him with their love. How can parents feel this line between love and pressure?
- When someone strangles you, it’s no longer love, it’s violence. No law defines this line; here you need to hear what your heart says. For parents, the heart always tells them where to influence the child and where to give him freedom; when to scold a child and when not to do this. A certain wise pedagogy inherent in nature is always present in a woman. You need to listen to your heart, because the heart is the keeper of Divine wisdom. Watch your children; their behavior tells you this line. No scale will show you this measure of love. You need to love not moderately, but wisely.
- Thank you. We have already touched upon this question a little earlier: “How important is the spiritual side of upbringing? How and when should it manifest itself?”
- In my opinion, the spiritual side is the most important. The fact is that classical pedagogy, as well as art and culture, develop only on the basis of the concept of spirituality. What is spirituality? Spirituality can be compared to a cell of a living organism, which has a nucleus. What is this core? This is faith. True spirituality does not exist without faith. In the modern world, they try to interpret all phenomena from a material point of view, but faith cannot be touched or seen. Faith is a premonition of true knowledge.
At V.A. Sukhomlinsky has a good phrase: “Without spiritual community, true education will not take place.”
What is spiritual community between parents and child? At the beginning, community is naturally present - the baby is very attached to his parents, he cannot live without mom and dad. But time passes, and this attachment weakens, and it even happens that parents and adult children become enemies, mutual understanding and mutual respect are lost, and the spiritual community falls apart. This means that we did not cultivate this community that nature gave us, we did not protect it, and the moment has come when the child needs education, the nourishment of the spiritual axis, but the thread is broken, and the words of the parents no longer influence the child. We must take care of this thread, cherish and nurture this community, nourish these relationships with love. But what kind of love? Sensitive, understanding, patient, compassionate, sacrificing. It is not enough to simply say “I love you” - love will not be affirmed. Love is confirmed by deeds.
Many parents think that when a child cries, and they scold him, give instructions, they are thereby educating, but at this moment the child is not always ready to hear loved ones, and there is no commonality between him and his parents, only mutual aggression can arise.
The concept of spirituality includes love for one's neighbor, understanding, compassion and empathy. And as one righteous person said: “You should talk to children not about God, but about kindness and love.”
Humane pedagogy is based on the true concept of spirituality. Spirituality and humanity are very close concepts. “Smart” translated from Sanskrit means “a person who seeks within himself a connection with the Creator.” And this search is spirituality; it is impossible to search without the spirit of the creator. Many do not know that in Russian there is an opposing word to this word “fool” - this is the person who breaks the connection with the Creator.
- Thank you. In parting, what advice do you have for the readers?
I would like to give readers 3 commandments:
1. Believe in the limitlessness of a child.
A child is like space. There is a classic of pedagogy, Jan Amos Comenius, who said: “A child is a microcosm who is able to embrace the macrocosm.” No matter how a child studies, you need to believe that his possibilities are limitless, that he is talented, and he will succeed. Faith in a child and love for him works wonders and makes possible what at first materialistic glance seems impossible.
2. Under no circumstances should you call names or humiliate a child. Look for gentle, wise words based on sublime Faith and Love. Not “stupid,” but “my stupid.”
Believe in your spark of God, for any parent is already a teacher from God. Take the system of raising a child from your open heart, where Divine wisdom is stored.
The words “don’t touch”, “don’t take”, “calm down”, “shut up” will only make you and your child enemies. Build relationships based on respect, kindness, affection, tenderness, understanding and compassion - this is humane pedagogy. You need to believe in the child.
Interview prepared by Maria Utkina, "Thanksgiving" magazine
