Domestic violence. Domestic violence against women and children: causes, help, where to turn

Domestic violence: women under attack

According to research, a Russian woman is 2.5 times more likely to be killed by her husband or partner than an American woman and 5 times more likely than a Western European woman. Psychologists say that if physical violence has been committed at least once in a family, it will continue to develop. The cycle of violence was first described in the book “The Battered Woman” by an American researcher and specialist on the problem of domestic violence. Lenore Walker and named "three phase theory". She proposes to consider the situation of domestic violence as a whole as a cyclical system, consisting of three phases that replace each other.

1. Voltage

Characterized by individual insults that can be verbal and/or emotional. Women usually try to react calmly in order to defuse the situation. They may also try to protect their position through backlash. At the same time, both partners may try to justify the actions of the offender, looking for an explanation for his breakdowns in stress due to work or lack of money. And women mistakenly believe that this will help control outbreaks of violence or at least limit their extent.

2. Violent incident

This phase is characterized by intense release, accompanied by emotional outbursts and physical actions in their most negative and violent form. This is the shortest phase, which can last from 2 to 24 hours.

3. Honeymoon

After the previous phase, there is usually some sobering up on the part of the aggressor and his denial of the seriousness of the incident or minimization of everything that happened. During this phase, a man can undergo a fabulous transformation, demonstrating extraordinary kindness and every minute assuring his wife of unearthly love. The faithful sincerely repents of what he has done, promising that he will never do something like this again, but at the same time he can blame the woman for provocation, saying that she “brought him down.” Of course, such a “transformation” of a man gives a woman hope that everything will be different. Therefore, it is difficult for her to leave him.

7. Alcoholism is the main cause of violence

The problem of alcoholism is indeed often associated with violence. A man's aggressiveness may increase in accordance with the amount taken. Alcohol reduces the ability to control behavior, so it is often psychologically easier for women to explain a man’s behavior and forgive him.

8. Darlings scold - only for fun

Perhaps there is no family in which quarrels and conflicts do not occur. But domestic violence is neither a quarrel nor a family conflict. Conflict in the family implies an equal position for spouses/partners who disagree with something and have the right to express their opinion. In a situation of violence, one person seeks to control another, using physical strength, economic opportunities, social status, etc. If conflict in the family is always an isolated episode, then violence is a carefully constructed system.

9. A slap is nothing

Violence is cyclical and gradually intensifies. It can start simply with criticism, then move on to humiliation, then to pushing, slapping, hitting, and then regular beatings, and sometimes even death.

10. Hit once - will always hit

Yes, it is a recognized fact that it is quite difficult to correct an aggressor. In many countries, there are psychotherapeutic and educational programs for men who abuse their loved ones. The purpose of such groups is to teach husbands to realize the real reasons for their actions and their seriousness, as well as to talk about their own feelings, be able to negotiate, not be aggressive and understand that no one person has the right to control and power over another.

11. I'm only with him because of the children - they need a father.

This myth is being destroyed much faster than others when people begin to realize that children who witness violence against their mother experience psychological trauma to the same extent as the victim mother. According to research, a man who beats his wife is often aggressive towards his children. Children who are in an atmosphere of constant conflict develop low resistance to stress, decreased immunity, and decreased performance at school.

12. Domestic violence has existed everywhere and always, it is useless to fight it

Indeed, the custom of wife beating is as old as marriage itself. In ancient times, the law openly encouraged and sanctioned assault by husbands. But this does not mean that it is useless to fight it. A major role in the occurrence of domestic violence is played by the patriarchal attitudes of the culture in which men are socialized. A recent study showed that of the total volume of recorded scenes of aggression on Russian television, the main part (65%) occurs in interactions between men and women, while the victims in most cases are women.

What to do?

. Pay attention to a man’s behavior at the initial stage of a relationship

If a man already at the start of a relationship demonstrates to a lady that he is better, taller, more competent, that he has the right to a decisive vote and can forbid her something, this is a bad sign. The habit of commanding and demanding obedience, for the sole reason that you are a woman, and because you owe something, but have no right to something, is also a bad sign.

. Tell your loved ones what's happening

People around you need to know that something is wrong in the family. A woman should not be left alone with her problem, hopelessness - it is very important to know that she has somewhere to go, that there are people who, if something happens, will shelter her, help with money, and simply provide moral support.

. Run, Lola, run!

If the violence has gone so far that the only way out is to save yourself, in this case, as practice shows, a secret escape is better and safer than an announced break, which leads to an escalation of violence. It is better not to be alone with the aggressor: the presence of witnesses can stop him. It is important to prepare an alternate airfield: set aside a certain amount of money, hide documents, make arrangements with friends, and stock up on the telephone numbers of crisis centers in advance.

Domestic violence, which can also be called domestic or domestic violence, is a systemic and escalating act of aggression committed by a family member (more rarely, several family members), and which is directed at one or other relatives of this family. Such an aggressive act can have various manifestations: physical, psychological, sexual or economic.

However, they all serve the same purpose - to gain control over another or others, to force them to obey, even to the detriment of personal interests. It is not correct to say that domestic violence is only the problem of the subordinate woman. According to research data, domestic violence most often affects children, followed by women. In addition, this type of violence includes acts of aggression towards domestic animals. And the American Association for Gender Equality notes that the percentage of men reporting domestic violence against themselves is growing every year.

Causes of domestic violence

The cause of domestic violence is always the personality of the aggressor himself, his internal problems. Sometimes, this is due to a feeling of inferiority, unprocessed resentment. This is why the situation is so difficult to resolve. After all, you need to start with the problems of the tyrant himself, and he is not in a hurry to make contact. By the way, this also includes learned principles of behavior in the family, when the child himself turns into a tyrant.

Alcohol, drugs and poor financial situation are only aggravating factors. A study has been conducted that alcoholic men who beat women only in 10% of cases stop doing this, getting rid of alcohol addiction. Others continue their violence while completely sober.

To present the picture in more detail, let's look at the subtypes of domestic violence.

Main subtypes of domestic violence

The problems of recognizing domestic violence in our country are inextricably linked with culture and mentality. Let us at least turn to the proverbs: “he who hits, loves”; “Dear ones scold - they just amuse themselves.” An additional obstacle is the fact that our people are not used to going to a psychologist for help. And, if a victim of domestic violence files some kind of statement, then, returning home, he again comes under pressure and, without psychological support, can no longer resist and takes away the papers. And law enforcement agencies, knowing this situation, are in no hurry to take any action.


Another important factor, already from the point of view of gender-based family violence, is the socially determined importance in our country for a woman to have the status of “married”. Although not only status. The entire culture cultivates the importance of such relationships, and sometimes it is difficult for a woman to admit, first of all, to herself that her lover is a real despot and rapist.

Signs that a woman is living with a tyrant

• a man puts you in a uniquely dependent financial position;
• makes constant comments, angrily notices the “truth” regarding your appearance: thick legs, flat chest... At the same time, he claims that he makes such “tips” for the purpose of “self-improvement”;
• constantly instills a feeling of guilt: I cooked it wrong, served it, looked at it, met it, etc. while he (your tyrant) was simply exhausted at work / was just going home / dreamed of seeing a normal house, but here everything is not like that...;
• humiliates the dignity of both you and women in general, has a negative attitude towards relatives and criticizes friends in every possible way, classifying them as “unworthy and simple-minded.” The main purpose of this is the desire to protect people from you who can help you and influence your self-esteem. By the way, when you start dating a man, pay attention to how he speaks about his previous women. If he willingly and without your questions begins to discuss all their shortcomings, do not expect that he will be generous to your even the smallest shortcomings;
• jealous, often harshly and unreasonably, in some cases - forbids wearing makeup, smiling in public, talking with others;
• feels furious at your successes, tries to ridicule and diminish them;
• takes out his “bad mood” and problems at work on you;
• can never admit he is wrong! Even if the tyrant is wrong, then it was his wife who brought him to this point, even to beatings and scandals.

If the description is painfully familiar, and more than five statements fully correspond to your spouse, then you have a tyrant. And you shouldn’t indulge yourself with illusions.
Common myths about relationships with a tyrant.

1. “Love will change everything.” Alas, this is not about such a person, because he only loves himself. He will never appreciate your sacrifice. For him, you are a “stupid sheep” who is lucky to be allowed to love a “lion.”
2. “A woman is supposed to endure for the sake of her family.” There are women who are comfortable in the role of “eternal victim” and this is their choice and a topic for another conversation. If you are not one of them, then remember - you have one life and only you decide what it will be like.
3. “A child needs a father, and we have a family.” This is absolutely true. But the family is an example for children to follow. Tell me, would you like your daughter to find the same tyrant? And the boys, swallowing their tears in childhood and saying that they would “never raise a hand against a woman,” found their own new sophisticated ways of bullying?

Child abuse

The concept of domestic violence against children is very complex. On the one hand, some European countries, the USA and Canada have long been faced with the fact of manipulation of this rule of law. Children begin to invent fables, resenting their parents for depriving them of the opportunity to play computer games for hours, for example.

On the other hand, a child often cannot convey the facts of the most serious and terrible things that have been done to him, because they do not know how and where to turn or because they are afraid of physical violence.

The State Duma revised the article that dealt with domestic violence. And article of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation of 2017 (No. 116) excluded “beatings against loved ones” from the list of criminal offenses, providing for administrative liability. Cases of relapse and serious bodily injury may be considered as an exception. Such amendments caused diametrically opposed reactions. Those who feared that any bruise on the child’s body could be used to harm his parents are happy. Others, following the example of the Council of Europe, argue that Russia has allowed “fighting in the family with impunity.” Psychologists voice facts showing that a decrease in the degree of responsibility leads to an increase in such cases. But it is important not so much to pass the law as to monitor its compliance. And, according to statistical studies, it actually didn’t work.

The topic of domestic violence against children runs through many foreign films. Most often, they show how such events affect the psyche and actually affect the rest of life. The famous "Forrest Gump" concerns the story of Forest's girlfriend, whose life difficulties are related to sexual abuse by her father. The film “Treasure” (2009) touches on the topic of not only such violence, but also the psychology of a mother who prefers to close her eyes to what is happening in order to maintain a relationship with her partner.

But one of the most tragic films on this topic is the drama “The Color Purple” (translated as “The Color Purple Fields”). It addresses not only the problem of violence, but also the usual reaction of society to such victims: indifference, misunderstanding, and sometimes open intolerance.

What to do if you are experiencing domestic violence?

• Don't be silent. You should decide to ask for help.
• If you decide to leave, never return. Rapists simply need their victim. Moreover, many perceive the victim as part of their property. They are ready to do everything to get her back, even convince her that they will improve. But, according to statistics, those who returned are subject to “punishment”: many receive serious injuries, and some even die.
• Analyze why this happened to you, what attracted the tyrant to you so much. A psychologist or psychotherapist will help you figure this out. Because often the problem takes the form of a vicious circle: having left one despot, a woman finds another.
• Contact law enforcement agencies and loved ones. Who can help you, see a psychologist or psychotherapist who can conduct high-quality rehabilitation.
• Contact the support group. Those who also experienced similar violence come to them. You can find such groups in your city using the Internet.
• Contact a lawyer to defend your rights in case of divorce.

The topic of domestic violence experienced by men in their families deserves additional attention. Gender equality advocates point to the fact that men often experience such violence without even realizing that they are victims. In particular, acts of such domestic violence include: constant quarrels initiated by women (including periods of hormonal fluctuations), the inability to fully relax, the need to hide part of their income in order to be able to use it at their discretion, and even the long stay of the wife’s parents in home. I wonder how to evaluate the cohabitation of several generations in one living space?

Domestic violence is becoming more and more common in Russian families. But not everyone understands how to behave in this situation. In most cases, victims remain as such and do not fight the abuse. The reasons for this may be different - fear for your life or for your children, complete dependence on a sadist, shame, banal ignorance of the algorithm of actions when faced with a problem. All this is not so important. After all, the fact remains that domestic violence in such cases remains unpunished. Most often, people may have no idea what is really happening in a particular family. How to recognize a domestic tyrant? What to do if you are a victim of such an act? Which law enforcement agencies should I contact? All this and more will be discussed further.

What is domestic tyranny

Domestic violence - what is it? Not everyone can fully explain this phrase. Most often, violence is understood as either committing sexual acts against the will of the victim, or causing harm to health (for example, beating). To some extent this is true. More precisely, all this is just a small part of domestic violence.

This term is commonly understood to mean any abuse within the family circle. Instilling a sense of guilt, infringement of rights, constant bans on freedom of action - all this is violence. It can be moral, material, and physical. Most often there are cases of a combination of types of tyranny. The problem of domestic violence is becoming more pressing every year. Therefore, it is worth knowing what punishment is due to the perpetrator, where to turn for help and how to recognize the threat in advance.

Punishment

Let's immediately turn to the law. At the moment, domestic violence can be punished under several articles of the Criminal Code. It all depends on the consequences. For example, an act can be interpreted as torture or beating, and these are different “weight” categories. However, most often the degree of punishment remains the same. Which one?

Practice shows that it is now customary to put people behind bars for domestic violence in the family. How long? It all depends on the nature of the harm caused to the victim. On average, a violator can be imprisoned for 3 years.

By the way, this is one of the reasons for keeping silent about what is happening. The punishment may be more severe if there are aggravating circumstances. But domestic violence that is punishable by imprisonment can result in huge problems for the victim in the future. It's no secret that people don't change or re-educate. And the victims have no real guarantees of safety. Everyone in the family knows each other. And subsequent revenge is possible. Yes, the law seems to protect citizens, but it does not provide 100% guarantees of security in the future. Thus, it is very difficult to eradicate domestic violence. And not everyone can count on even 3 years of rest from a tyrant and not always.

The fact is that sometimes everything works out, excuse the pun, with little bloodshed. The rowdy can be detained for a maximum of 15 days. And then only if the victim has minor injuries. It does not matter whether domestic violence was committed against women or children. If it was of a one-time nature and was not accompanied by serious consequences, then the culprit faces a maximum of short-term arrest.

Decriminalization

Only recently they want to decriminalize violence in the home. Such proposals have been voiced more than once in the Russian government. This means that domestic violence against children and women (and men too, if it occurs) will be abolished.

What is proposed to replace the punishment? Administrative responsibility. Simply put, by paying the appropriate fine. It will have to be calculated based on the nature of the damage inflicted on the victim.

However, society considers such a measure incorrect. Even with the existence of criminal liability, people rarely complain about domestic violence in any form. And if you mention “criminal crime,” the problem will become even more aggravated. And violators or individuals prone to violence will begin to feel their complete impunity. In any case, the final decision has not yet been made. And for now, such actions, of course, if there is evidence, are punishable by either imprisonment for up to 3 years or arrest for 15 days.

Not a crime

You may be surprised, but many believe that domestic violence is not a crime at all, but the most common domestic conflict. Or family. Perhaps this is why it is not the first time that decriminalization of this offense has been proposed.

In reality this is not the case. According to the Russian Ministry of Internal Affairs, about 80-85% of beatings and other manifestations of violence happen in the family. That is, domestic violence is a common phenomenon, and also very dangerous. Especially when it is committed against children. By the way, in Russia and many other countries this form of violence is not considered harmful. Rather, it is a method of education. But what if you or your children are victims? How to behave? Where to contact?

Run to the police station

So, you have seen or experienced domestic violence. Where to contact? You should contact the police as soon as possible and write a corresponding statement about what is happening. Describe the full picture of what is happening. After this, you need to do one more thing - go to a medical facility and remove the beatings.

In general, if physical violence occurs, more than once, then the beatings must be removed every time. In court proceedings, such a technique will only confirm that you are right.

In practice, calling the police is not very common. Especially when there is domestic psychological violence. This form is perhaps the most dangerous. And the situations here require not a direct appeal to law enforcement agencies, but a clear algorithm of actions taken before writing a statement. But more on that a little later. Have you been subject to domestic violence? Help can be expected not only from the police. And from whom else?

Court

For example, from the court. Sometimes, with irrefutable evidence, a medical report and courage, victims go straight to court. This is a completely adequate solution. It will speed up the process of punishing the rapist-tyrant.

The only problem is that rarely does anyone take the time to consider such statements. Most often, violence in the family circle is regarded as a domestic quarrel. And either it is not considered by the court at all, or the punishment is imposed that does not correspond to reality.

The exception is if there are serious consequences after the incident. Not of a psychological nature, as a rule. If the victim has suffered serious harm as a result of domestic violence, the court will definitely pay attention to your case. True, most often it does not even come to trial.

Help centers

Victims of domestic violence very often endure and silently endure everything that happens, because they do not know where to turn. Especially when it comes to children and women. It is these two categories of the population that in most cases find themselves dependent on the tyrant.

Where to “go” if you find yourself a victim of domestic violence? Every city has special crisis centers and social support centers. This is where you can turn in this situation. Here women and children are offered shelter as well as assistance in resolving the problem - usually through legal proceedings. In some cases, they even look for work. For example, a nanny in a children's room. There is no need to be afraid. In such organizations, women and children will be fully protected. The main thing is to find out where exactly to go, at what addresses appropriate assistance can be provided.

Not openly

Domestic psychological violence most often occurs. To be honest, this form is extremely difficult to recognize. And it is very difficult to cope with it. Despite all the current laws in Russia. Why? In court, as a rule, and in the police too, they usually deal with physical violence. And the psychological is something that can be hidden, it is not visible. Moreover, this type of bullying is very difficult to prove.

What to do in this case? By the way, domestic violence against children is most often of a psychological nature, and all because of the high probability of going unpunished. Nevertheless, a certain algorithm of actions still takes place in such treatment.

First, we need witnesses. They often don't exist. But this is not such a problem, because it is enough to notice some changes in a person’s behavior to guess about pressure and psychological violence. It is not necessary to be a direct witness to what is happening. You can do without support, but its presence will only speed up the trial process.

Secondly, you must prove the fact of psychological abuse. How exactly? By any available means - provide video and audio recordings, for example. Or by taking a recovery course with a psychologist. Medical professionals can issue a health certificate. And it should indicate the fact of the presence of psychological violence in the family. This is an important document, without which it is unlikely that anyone in Russia will deal with domestic tyranny of this nature.

Third, be determined and don't be afraid. As soon as you have evidence of violence in your hands, you can contact the police or court, and also go to social support and protection centers. Fear is the main problem of modern society. Because of it, most such crimes remain unattended, and the perpetrators go unpunished.

Causes

It is already clear how widespread domestic violence is. The reasons for its appearance are varied. But in most cases, all this is due to “problems in the head.” In other words, the causes of domestic violence lie in the psychological state of the tyrant.

What could be the source of such tendencies? A lot of things. Most often, the cause is a psychological problem in childhood. Namely, the use of violence against the current tyrant.

Secondly, people who are not self-confident and have low self-esteem are prone to such acts. At the expense of others, they simply assert themselves. And they do this, as practice shows, precisely with the help of the family - an outsider is inclined to defend their rights. But a close relative, wife, husband or child, on the contrary, is silent about what is happening.

Thirdly, the thirst for power. Domestic violence of any type is a kind of demonstration of power, an elevation above other people. In principle, here, too, everything can be attributed to low self-esteem. But sometimes even people without this problem, who simply love power, practice violence in families. A completely relevant option in relationships with children. Through domestic tyranny, parents show how influential and strong they are.

Fourthly, the reason may be character. The tendency to aggression itself is the source of the tendency to violence. It is very difficult to predict how a person will behave. He might just shout, or he might throw up his hands.

Social stress is also a cause of domestic tyranny. We are talking about intra-family conflicts. This could be anything - from disagreement on renovation issues to views on lifestyle and raising children. Any disagreement can lead to domestic violence.

As you can see, basically this behavior is purely psychological in nature. It is almost impossible to say exactly why this happens. The list of reasons can be continued for a very long time: complexes, thirst for revenge, mental disorders and much more. But the fact remains that if domestic violence has started, you need to fight it. By the way, in psychology and society there are several criteria that will help you recognize a domestic tyrant. It is enough to take a good look at people. Even the most adequate, kind and balanced person can turn out to be a kind of sadist.

How to recognize

Domestic violence in the family is preventable. To do this, you need to recognize a potential tyrant in time. And either help those who are in danger, or simply not connect your life with such a person. If we are talking about a close relative (for example, a parent), it is better to break off relations with him. And warn other family members about the danger.

Domestic tyrants are prone to aggression, and very often it is without cause. And the point here is not at all in the character of the person. If someone from your environment has been showing excessive aggression lately, this is the first “bell”.

Also, pay attention to the person's overall behavior. Is he unhappy about something? Walks around gloomily, criticizes everyone all the time and doesn’t watch his language? For such an individual, most likely, “education” by domestic tyranny is practiced in the house. And he is the main participant.

By the way, if you are somehow forced to break off relations with your friends or loved ones, this is also another “bell”. For the appropriate gap you will be rewarded to one degree or another. But all this is just preparing the ground for domestic violence. Please note: not all such cases are accompanied by the act we are considering - perhaps the person is simply a pessimist in life. But in practice, such behavior should raise suspicion.

Complete control of the situation and excessive care also indicate that a person is prone to dominance and violence. Most likely, it is being implemented (or will soon be implemented) in his family. The situation speaks for itself: the thirst for power and complete control with infringement of rights is another item on the list of characteristics of a domestic tyrant.

Most often, it is very difficult to recognize such a person. Most often in public, in society, these are respected people, quite adequate, with full-fledged wealthy families. Or just exemplary parents. And this is another reason for the impunity of lawbreakers. Yes, there is an opinion that domestic violence most often occurs in asocial families. This is not true, or rather, not entirely true. Be that as it may, unfortunately, domestic violence against women and children is quite common. And we can and should fight it. As you already know.

The problem of domestic violence in Kazakhstan, unfortunately, is a taboo topic for many, and victims very often simply cannot muster the courage to seek help from a crisis center or the police. In this case, relatives, friends or colleagues can come to the rescue. We asked experts about what domestic violence is and how to combat it at the public and state levels. What to do if this problem directly affects your friends? A “health expert” looks into how you can help a person facing
with beatings in the family, with the help of the chairman of the Union of Crisis Centers of Kazakhstan Zulfiya BAISAKOVA and lawyer Zhanar NURMUKHANOVA.

What is "domestic violence"?

According to the Constitution of the Republic of Kazakhstan, human dignity is inviolable, no one should be subjected to torture, violence, or cruel treatment. This also applies to
personal security from attacks within one’s family. But in reality, too often things are quite different. Today, domestic violence is one of the most pressing social problems.

According to the definition of Article 4 of the Law of the Republic of Kazakhstan “On the Prevention of Domestic Violence”, it can be expressed not only in the form of physical or psychological, but also in the form of sexual and (or) economic violence. Some family members become victims of constant pressure, insults, nagging, beatings, and bullying. Anyone can become a victim of domestic violence - a woman who is beaten by her tyrant husband; a girl suffering from sexual persecution by her stepfather, brother or even her own father; a boy who is beaten by his mother; old people who are hated by their own children. However, the gendered nature of domestic violence is still significantly biased towards violence against women by men.

In many families, abuse is passed down from generation to generation, from the fact that it is considered useful for educational purposes to spank a child on the buttocks, ending with the fact that the patriarchal foundations that reign in our society consider it permissible to beat wives for the purpose of the same “education.” But the nature of family relationships is of great importance for the child’s behavior in the future. And, becoming adults, children learn the model of conflict resolution that reigned in the family - it turns out a vicious circle, which can be broken
very difficult.

Why is this happening?

The purpose of domestic violence is to establish control and power over the victim, when the abuser seeks to become the “master” of her life. It has no specific cause other than where one seeks to control behavior and feelings
another and suppress him as a person on different levels. As soon as the victim submits, he becomes helpless, cannot soberly assess the situation, and no longer tries to defend himself. Being in a kind of stress buffer, victims of domestic violence often refuse any attempts to help them.

Conspiracy of silence

Manifestations of violence are cyclical: an incident of violence - reconciliation - a period of peace - increased tension - violence. Over time, cycles often shorten in time and domestic violence becomes more severe. It is always important to remember that once domestic violence has occurred, it is likely to continue. After some time, the “peaceful period” will again move into the “increasing tension” phase, which will inevitably be followed by the “violence” phase.

Unfortunately, there is a global problem in society - the so-called conspiracy of silence. Victims cannot and do not want to admit that domestic violence was committed against them. And if someone completely by chance
witnesses such an incident, it is considered normal not to interfere, not to notice, and to assume that people will figure it out themselves. Thus, we automatically encourage it, turn a blind eye to the huge, fetid social
ulcer. It seems to us that violence cannot happen near us, that in good families or relationships no one will raise a hand against anyone, that this only happens to
marginalized from the lower strata of society, and smart and prosperous people are impossibly far from all this dirt. Ignorance makes people blind and deaf, and
When you experience domestic violence in person, you feel overwhelmed by a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness.

Hidden Condemnation

There is another problem - hidden or open condemnation of victims of domestic violence. For example, a wife is ashamed to say that her husband beats her; she considers herself to blame for various reasons (she was not good enough, bothered him when he was not in the mood, did something wrong; most aggressors blame their partners for what because of her behavior he lost control of himself
and she “deserved it”) because society and her partner made her think so. A teenage girl is afraid to tell someone about her stepfather’s harassment, because she may have already tried, but she didn’t believe her, and what’s more, her own mother condemned her.
Or the mother cannot admit that her own son is mocking her: she, they say, is “herself to blame”, she did not please, she raised her incorrectly. But the truth is that there is no such thing as “own fault”. Any violence is always and entirely the fault of the offender.

Many harmful stereotypes regarding violence have become established in society, and they constantly hinder overcoming this phenomenon. For example, it is particularly common for victims to firmly believe that they are obliged to endure domestic violence for the sake of their children. However, they think little about
the fact that children raised in such families subsequently show a tendency to become either victims or aggressors, since what they saw and experienced in childhood has a detrimental effect on their mental health and normal development. IN
In the post-Soviet space, there is also a widespread popular opinion: “everyone lives like this, so this is our fate, we must endure it.” This position is destructive.

No one should ever, under any circumstances, become a victim of violence for one simple reason: domestic violence is a crime.

This vicious circle consists of fear, guilt and hope. The first time it seems that this is some kind of completely ridiculous accident and this simply cannot happen again, then the hope follows that if you are better, this will not happen again
will happen. Next comes a feeling of guilt that you are not good enough, and the hope that conversations and great love will definitely help. And in the end it becomes unbearably embarrassing to admit to others that the ideal
your parent/spouse/child throws you against the walls for every “sideways glance”, and it’s simply scary that if you tell someone about what’s happening, they’ll simply kill you.

The chairman of the Union of Crisis Centers and a lawyer tell how to help a person who is in trouble within his own family.

Chairman of the Union of Crisis Centers of Kazakhstan:

– If you become aware of violence in someone else’s family, you need to report it to law enforcement agencies. True, there is one nuance here - to start something
They can only take action after a written application that requires contact information. Not everyone is ready to do this. Therefore, it often happens that a person seemed to want to help, but left with nothing because he was not ready to share his personal data. In this case, in our country there is a National Helpline for Children and Youth - 150 and a Helpline for Women Subjected to Domestic Violence - 1415, telephone services are available 24 hours a day. They make it possible to provide emergency legal and psychological assistance to those in difficult life situations. The service operates under a privacy policy and statements can be made anonymously.

National helpline
for children and youth – 150
Helpline for women,
exposed
domestic violence – 1415

Intervening openly is not recommended for many reasons. At a minimum, because it can worsen the situation of a victim of domestic violence. However, if we speak
is about a minor child, intervention is always justified and, moreover, necessary. If violence occurs on the street, you need to shout, draw attention to what is happening as much as possible in order to stop it. If this happens behind a neighbor’s wall and the person can hear everything but not see it, you should still report it so that the necessary check can be carried out. Even if the fact of violence
you just imagined it, you need to declare it. A preventive conversation will be held, thereby demonstrating vigilance. This can prevent possible incidents of violence in the future, since the person will understand that if he
decides to engage in domestic violence, he will be punished, they will find out about it, it will not go unnoticed.

Preventive conversations are carried out mainly by the juvenile police. Sometimes local police officers do this. If the case is urgent, you need to call 102, but, again, they do not consider oral statements, and not everyone is ready to make a written one.

If the person is of age

Before doing anything, you still need his consent. In relation to minors, their consent to intervene is not considered, because the child cannot correctly assess the existing danger to his own life, health, and well-being. During my entire practice, not a single child received a call asking for help. And no matter how much one would like to think that there is simply no need for children to call the helpline number, unfortunately, it is known that this is not the case. This simply means that the child does not fully understand that he is being beaten, that domestic violence is being committed against him. He may consider this parental education, a well-deserved punishment, etc. Moreover, adults usually say exactly this to their little victims. There was only one case when a 16-year-old girl called and spoke about the sexual abuse committed by her own father.

She only dared to call when she was 16 years old, while this had been going on for a long time... That is why we, adults, are simply obliged to monitor such cases and develop zero tolerance for violence in our society.

Kazakhstan has not developed a program to combat aggressors or to work with them. They are also different. There are those for whom conversation is enough. And there are those who need compulsory drug treatment, they are mentally unstable, they are very easy to lose their temper. We need to work on all this, adopt foreign experience, and look for our own solutions.

– How to convince victims of domestic violence to seek help?

– Any person wants to have someone close to him, to live in marriage, as one family. This is a natural desire. But often people do not see boundaries in this
aspiration. For them, the phrase “my husband/my wife” means too much, and they are ready to endure anything to keep it. They do not understand that the fact of violence affects health, the atmosphere in the home, children, their psyche and future life. If a child sees throughout his childhood a certain pattern of relationships between the aggressor-father and the victim-mother, he will believe that this is exactly the norm. Girls will believe that they can allow themselves to be treated this way and that they must tolerate mistreatment, while for boys aggressive, violent behavior will be the norm,
which in the future he may well try on himself. Thus, the state loses full-fledged members of society.

When talking with victims, you need to be able to convey to them the full danger of their situation, talk about the possible consequences that will await them in the future if the situation does not change. Such consequences of beatings and constant stress can include neuroses, stuttering, nervous tics, serious psychological disorders and other health problems, both physical and mental.
When a person begins to understand this, he most often listens to common sense. You can act differently. For example, if I am a neighbor and systematic beatings are taking place behind my wall, I, as a resident of this house, have every right to report too loud sounds, noise, screams from the neighboring apartment that disturb me and disturb the peace.

– Please tell us about the Union of Crisis Centers of Kazakhstan.

– The Union of Crisis Centers of Kazakhstan is a voluntary association of legal entities registered on March 26, 2000. This is a professional network that unites
16 organizations from 11 regions of Kazakhstan, including 4 non-governmental shelters providing temporary accommodation for victims. Specialized crisis centers provide free counseling, psychological and legal assistance to persons affected by domestic violence,
if necessary, refer victims to medical institutions for assistance and further rehabilitation. In addition, employees of crisis centers can conduct preventive conversations with perpetrators of domestic violence and carry out awareness-raising activities to prevent domestic violence.

“The work is aimed at preventing gender-based violence and all forms of discrimination, creating a culture of non-violent relations in society and creating an effective mechanism for the influence of the public, in particular members of the Union, on the content of policies and decisions made by state authorities and local self-government bodies at the national and local levels
on the problem of preventing domestic violence in Kazakhstan, in accordance with basic international human rights standards, including the principles and provisions of the UN Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women. One of the strategic directions of the Union’s activities
is the monitoring of national legislation in the field of protection of human rights from domestic violence at the national and regional levels and the preparation of alternative reports.”

(http://www.telefon150.kz/about.html)

– What kind of help can crisis centers offer?

– This includes legal assistance, psychological assistance, preventive work, and the provision of shelter if necessary. People are different; for a certain psychotype, a consultation is enough so that a person can understand everything and deal with the situation on his own. Others need support and, above all, psychological help, while others need a shelter to temporarily shelter and put their affairs in order. Women with children can stay there from one month to six months.

To be placed in a shelter, you must contact the internal affairs authorities or the local police inspector with a statement that domestic violence has been committed against you. This is the main problem - a person can be accepted into a state shelter only after a written application, and they must have documents on hand (for NGO shelters this is not a mandatory condition). Unfortunately, it often happens that a person does not have documents with him. For example, a beaten wife ran out into the street in the middle of the night in only a nightgown, what kind of documents are we talking about? She needs to return home to get her ID with a local police officer, and not everyone will do that either. And it happens that husbands destroy documents - burn, tear, hide them.

The disadvantage of such shelters is that they only provide shelter; if a person simply comes there for advice, they will not provide it there. But in my personal opinion, shelters are the ultimate goal. It is much more important at this stage to develop psychological services. In our country, things are still weak with this; we need to deal more deeply with this issue. General actions should, in theory, reduce the level of domestic violence, but this is not happening. We don't have any activity indicator. Even the law is called “on prevention”, not on suppression.

Zhanar NURMUKHANOVA, lawyer,
President of Taldykorgan Regional Center
support for women:

– If you become aware of violence in someone else’s family, if someone you know or close to you finds themselves in such a situation, then try to tactfully tell the victim about organizations that you can contact (police,
crisis centers). It is almost impossible to get out of such situations without professional help. If it is not possible to talk to the injured person, then it is necessary to call the police, since police officers have certain powers.

– Is it possible to act behind the back of a victim of violence?

– In criminal law there are such definitions as cases of public prosecution and cases of private prosecution. So, cases in which there is domestic violence are classified as private prosecution cases, and a statement from the victim is necessary.

– Is it really necessary to intervene? After all, sometimes it happens that the victim is satisfied with everything and does not want to change anything.

– One of the main principles of human rights organizations is the principle: do no harm. We must inform, change people's consciousness, raise this problem for discussion, and help improve legislation. But do not interfere in someone else’s fate, deciding everything at your own discretion.

– What laws can people who have been subjected to violence rely on?

– According to Article 73 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Republic of Kazakhstan:

1. Obscene language, offensive harassment, humiliation, damage to household items and other actions expressing disrespect for persons in family relations with the offender, violating
their peace, committed in an individual residential building, apartment or other dwelling, if these actions do not contain signs of a criminal offense, will entail a warning or administrative arrest for up to three days.

2. The actions provided for in part one of this article, committed repeatedly within a year after the imposition of an administrative penalty, entail administrative arrest for up to ten days.

3. Actions provided for in part two of this article, committed by persons to whom administrative arrest in accordance with part two of Article 50 of this Code does not apply, entail a fine in the amount of five monthly calculation indices.

Note. For the purposes of this Code, family and household relations mean relations between spouses, former spouses, persons living or living together, close relatives, persons
having a common child (children).

– What steps need to be taken to be able to achieve justice and punish the aggressor?

– Know your rights, file a complaint with the police or a crisis center, where a professional lawyer will provide legal support.

– What needs to be done to protect yourself from the aggressor’s revenge?

– Apply to the court for a protective order. More information about this can be found in Article 54 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Republic of Kazakhstan:
Establishment of special requirements for the behavior of the offender

1. When considering a case of an administrative offense, at the request of participants in the proceedings on an administrative offense and (or) internal affairs bodies, the court may establish special requirements for the behavior of a person who has committed an administrative offense, provided for in Articles 73, 128, 131, 436, 442 ( part three), 461 of this Code for a period of three months to one year, providing for a full or separate ban on:

1) against the will of the victim, search for, pursue, visit the victim, conduct oral, telephone conversations and enter into contact with him in other ways, including minors and (or) incapacitated members of his family;
2) acquire, store, carry and use firearms and other types of weapons;
3) minors visit certain places, travel to other areas without the permission of the commission for the protection of the rights of minors;
4) consume alcoholic beverages, narcotic drugs, psychotropic substances.

2. When establishing special requirements for the behavior of a person who has committed an administrative offense in the field of family and domestic relations, for the protection and protection of the victim and members of his family, the court in exceptional cases has the right to apply for a period of up to thirty days a measure of administrative legal influence in the form of a ban on the person perpetrator of domestic violence, live in an individual residential building, apartment or other dwelling with the victim if this person has another dwelling.

3. During the period of validity of special requirements for the offender’s behavior, he may be required to appear at the internal affairs bodies for a preventive conversation from one to four times a month.

– How to behave and talk correctly with victims of violence in order to convince them to seek help?

– A victim of domestic violence, as a rule, is in a stressful situation, emotionally and psychologically depressed, therefore a qualified psychologist or a person whom the victim trusts should negotiate and talk with the victim.

– What to do if you know that a child is a victim of violence?

– Report to the guardianship authorities, juvenile police and crisis center. Children do not understand the difference between punishment and domestic violence, as a result of which they become victims, or vice versa, it happens that they pretend to be a victim in order to
escape punishment for a crime. This requires a very subtle and professional approach.

– How often do victims of violence turn to you for help?

– Unfortunately, very often. At the consultation level, up to 120–150 calls per month. Often these are the same people who decided that the rapist would change and returned to him.

- The most difficult question. It is very difficult to give any specific advice and recommendations, because situations can be very different. First of all, the only way to combat domestic violence is to ensure that every offender is punished for the crime. Impunity gives rise to new crimes. If women who find themselves in a situation of violence stop remaining silent and “crying into their pillows,” left alone with their misfortune, and turn to law enforcement for help, then defeating domestic violence or at least significantly reducing its scale is quite possible. Today I would advise women who have experienced domestic violence to contact crisis centers, call the helpline, where
you can get the necessary information, find out what can be done in such cases, where to turn.
I recommend that mothers of young girls talk more about possible dangers, teach their daughters about relationships with men, and teach their sons how to respect women.

List of crisis centers where you will receive psychological help free of charge:
1. Family Social Support Center “Dana”.
Advisory, psychological, legal and legal
support in family and household issues.
Tel.: 266-28-98.
2. PF Center for Social and Psychological Rehabilitation and Adaptation
for women and children "Spring".
Pre/post-divorce conflicts, psychological counseling.
Tel.: 396-19-38, 396-42-40.
3. Black Sea Fleet “Crisis Center “Girlfriends”.
Psychological counseling for victims of domestic violence.
Tel.: 298-46-77, 298-45-85.
4. Center for Academic and Practical Psychology.
Tel.: 258-20-35, 229-46-99.
5. Psychological clinic.
Tel.: 261-68-20, 272-48-32, 272-57-14.
6. Helpline at the Akimat of Almaty.
Counseling on suicidal thoughts.
Tel.: 329-63-93.