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Ironic quotes about women. Ironic and wise aphorisms of famous women

She cheated on him recklessly and even cooked horns for dinner.

Well, since they sent you in the ass, come in ...

This is not a fume - this is a corporate spirit.

I wish the earth would rest in peace for you!

Of the positive qualities he has only "Rh factor".

I don’t promise to bring to sin, but I’ll spend it.

You can also look for a zest in manure, but then what to do with it?

Life has made sense.

What rubs is what breaks. As always, not on time.

Recently, an understanding has come why some people's hands grow out of their asses. They are holding on to the chair!

Eurovision clearly demonstrates the complete absence of Eurorumour and Eurotaste.

Not all politicians, officials and journalists are for sale here. Many have already been sold.

Miracles are absolutely inexplicable, absolutely unprovable, but very beautifully described.

Wouldn't you go out with him? Brave! I wouldn't even stay in the rear with him!

Only unrequited hatred is more miserable than unrequited love.

Better in the summer by the fire than in the winter in the sun.

Spiritual light should be exuded in such a way that it does not blind the eyes of others.

It is not necessary to be every brother, it is enough not to be a wolf.

To each his own: some have constipation, some have diarrhea.

Usually those who are completely unable to behave in it climb into the soul.

In a love triangle, one corner is always obtuse.

In our harsh times, perhaps, you can only turn your back on the one you hold by the balls.

Belching after eating - like a delivery report.

If you tell a lie to someone, you lose trust. To tell the truth, you lose a man.

One head is good, but two is already ugly.

There are always two possible scenarios, the worst and the least likely.

If I said that I didn’t take it, then I won’t give it back!

The rich man's dinner is an outrage against the beggar's hunger.

It's good in heaven, but there are more acquaintances in hell.

I'm not looking for my soul mate. It just so happened that I was born whole.

Sometimes it's easier to say "everything is fine" than to explain at length why I want to smash my head against the battery.

Only in relations with oneself is a person capable of the most incredible compromises.

If a woman sat on your neck, then you no longer need to carry her in your arms.

A fool is also capable of achieving a lot, but the achievements will turn out to be stupid.

There are two peaceful forms of violence: law and propriety.

How little a person needs for happiness, and how much to get this very "little"!

The possibilities of a man are always inferior to the fantasies of a woman.

If the rich could hire beggars to die for them, the beggars would make good money.

The most inconvenient debt is the debt to the Motherland: it is not clear what he lent, when he will be required to return it and at what interest.

Work, in essence, is no different from alcohol and pursues the same goal: to get distracted, to forget, and most importantly, to hide from oneself.

You can never forget what you want to forget the most.

The road to nowhere also begins with the first step.

It takes two to lie. One lies, the other listens.

Life failed, but the attempt was counted.

The Lord is one. And there are many fan clubs.

According to statistics, Americans think about us 72 times less than we do about them. Indifference will destroy them!

I don't know where childhood goes, but I know where it plays.

Women are masters of the art of healing wounds, almost as masterly as they are of inflicting them.

A friend is not the one with whom you want to drink, but the one without whom you don’t want to do it.

In the Russian interpretation, the "carrot and stick method" works a little differently: in our country, the gingerbread is stuffed in the ass with a whip.

Yes, you spread at least the bone marrow.

Do not demand truthfulness from women as long as you bring them up in the belief that the main goal of their life is to please.

I asked God for a bicycle, but I realized that this was not his method. So I stole a bike and asked God for forgiveness.

I thought I wanted career growth, but it turned out that I just wanted money ...

Men are surprisingly illogical: they say that all women are the same, and constantly change one for another.

God offended him and did exactly the right thing.

An attempt to start a new life ended in suicide.

Nothing brings people together like the complete absence of any principles.

What can be expected from someone who says only what is expected of him?

We are all guests in this world, and therefore we love to look like its owners.

Or maybe a round fool is a well-hewn one?

So you say: whores, whores ... But these are the same women as everyone else. Just more money and experience.

And life is not so empty - it is full of hardships!

Do not argue with the "teapot" - otherwise boil.

Your right to your own opinion does not oblige me to listen to nonsense.

I would send you, but I see you are from there.

A real pofigist is a person who doesn't care, he doesn't care or doesn't care.

Men who speak badly of women usually mean only one of them.

Nature has had a good rest on you!

Going to the temple makes you a believer in the same way that digging in your car in your garage.

Boredom is the lot of the unpretentious. A person with imagination will always find something to occupy his hands with. Especially strangers.

Happiness is not in money, but in love! Simple, ordinary, human love for money.

Judging by the results, God created man either on Monday morning or Friday evening.

The woman is a mystery! Especially from the wife.

Man is like a bird - he can sing beautiful songs and spoil at the same time.

Some brave men would become cowards if they had more imagination.

No matter how badly men think of women, any woman thinks even worse of them.

If a woman is ugly, then she is a fool, because a smart woman will always find a way to make herself at least pretty.

She has such boobs that you don't even need a pussy

Feel free to blame everything on circumstances - they don't stand on ceremony with us!

Can you spare me the pleasure of seeing you?

We are all children of nature, but how many, however, freaks ...

If some people live well, while others live poorly - on average, is this good or bad?

The rooster is the same eagle. Only omitted.

It's good that the people have a government! Who would take care of us?

Those who know very little are so sound asleep that it is almost impossible to wake them up.

You won’t get far on prudence alone, too much caution slows you down.

Learn to fly, learn to fall.

Mindfulness is the key to success, especially attentiveness to other people's mistakes.

All people are stupid, only dictionaries are sensible.

Vodka runs out not when the money runs out, but when those who are able to run after it run out.

God, give me patience and endurance. And, bitch, urgently!

Having dropped your dignity, pretend that it is not yours.

Worse than Danaans who bring gifts - only Danaans who take away yours.

Good news never gets old - it's always on time.

It is not life that is passing us by, it is we who are passing life.

By the end of the working day, you understand: the Internet is so huge, but there is nothing more to watch.

Money is nothing! Especially in the amount that I have.

Do not build illusions from stolen building materials.

With noodles on your ears, time doesn't seem so hungry after all...

That pleasure, for which you have to pay, loses the lion's share of its attractiveness.

The most effective way to protect against predators is to be tasteless.

In Russia, they can always put you on a bus, but not always.

There is no sadder story in the world than the story of a financial diet!

Mind is like a bust: you must have it, but you shouldn't stick it out

The art of a politician is to make everyone notice that he rushed to the embrasure, but no one noticed that there was no machine gun in it.

Taxation is the art of plucking a goose in such a way as to obtain the maximum of feathers with the minimum of squeak.

Sometimes you have to throw dust in your eyes so as not to lose face.

In the struggle between good and evil, the observer wins.

Truth can die if two fools argue.

An enterprising fool is worse than a pest.

You have to live longer. And more often.

Kazimierz Slominski

Love is the triumph of the imagination over the intellect.

What you sow - then you will find horseradish.

There comes a time in every man's life when clean socks are easier to buy.

If a person really wants to live, then medicine is powerless.

Everything that is good in life is either illegal, or immoral, or leads to obesity: ((

It is common knowledge that a person can look at three things forever:
how the fire burns
how water flows and
how the other person works.

The day was not in vain.

Sports commentary:
- The Japanese athlete Hirovato is running along the inner track. And indeed, he runs rather badly.

A non-drinking person in principle raises suspicion!

Do you have a conscience?
Yes, but we don't use it.

Be sure to keep your baby photos. Suddenly, someday you will have to prove that you have become a shit, and were not born.

***

I'm smarter than an elephant - I don't even drink water from a puddle with my nose.

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Well, what if the wind in my head - but thoughts are always fresh.

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I am against the assertion that only idiots hang out on the Internet ... there are a lot of interesting, smart, talented, beautiful-spirited people here ... For example, I ... And a slight geekiness ... it's even piquant.

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You can go from yourself to yourself all your life ... Or you can at some point get such a kick from life that you will quickly find your place in it ... and yourself at the same time ...

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I didn't pass the face control at the zoo!

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When ME… is visited by INSPIRATION… other visitors… are not allowed into the ROOM… any more…

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Today I ... put on makeup in the morning ... And looking in the mirror, I screamed: Oh, you are a terrible force ... BEAUTY !!! And rather TERRIBLE than ... POWER

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- How old are you?
- Oh, I'm old! I still lived in a time when "bitch" was an insult, not a compliment.

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No constancy ... either I'm hysterical ... or in the clouds ... Airborne ...

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All ladies are like ladies, and I am like a horse in a blanket.

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The doctor told me not to be nervous... Absolutely, that is. At all. Under no circumstances. Now it's the third day and I'm not nervous... I'm not nervous with all my might. It's just fucking annoying already, no matter how nervous I am.

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I am not lying!!! I'm just fantasizing...

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I look in the mirror… it’s like nothing… beautiful… I come closer, I look closely… oh-my… GODDESS

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And again the lesson is not for the future,
The same rake - in the same forehead,
In the same place in a puddle - bang!

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HOW WELL it is alone in the apartment ... smearing mascara in the morning, eating mushrooms from a jar with your hands and not keeping your back straight ...

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My cheerful disposition and unbridled optimism often resemble complete idiocy ...

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I recently read in a scientific journal that perfect looks are not photogenic. OH I LOOKE I AM TOO PERFECT.

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Off to do good...
I really hope no one gets hurt...

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Before I do anything, I ask myself: “What would my cat do in my place?” As a result, I either eat or go to sleep...

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I can easily and naturally roll balls to any beauty ... in a bowling alley!

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Everything is fine with me ... I just sometimes doubt ... No, not that it’s good ... That I have ...

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They gave me a car ... Now I am not just a participant in the traffic jam, I am its organizer ...

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Do not offer friendship! Only married! Briefly about myself: Magical for the whole head!

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Phrase: “Yes, get off your phone already!” I hear more than my own name.

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I’m a very good cook… I can hang noodles… Brew porridge… Add oil… In general, a clever wizard…

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Somehow, the cockroaches in my head have been behaving defiantly lately ... In order to suppress their uprising, I had to hire a squirrel. So far it's quiet, but ... it seems that the squirrel is up to something with cockroaches.

I got you! Now imagine what it's like for me. Alone with myself. 24 hours. 7 days a week. And you're not going anywhere

***

I still - even where, I only dream of peace!
And quite satisfied with this life!
And let someone be born under a lucky star
Well, I was born... under a comet!...

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I am often asked if I can seriously and frankly post my thoughts and feelings in statuses. I answer seriously and honestly: “I perform a striptease of the soul very rarely!”

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Yes, people do not sit in prison as much as I do on the Internet!

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I'm not quite the lovely romantic jerk I pretend to be. A boring, prudent bastard.

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I do two things all the time: lie and sleep with Angelina Jolie...

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My husband... finds me... in shopping malls... using SMS reports of a bank card...

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Do you think my childhood plays in the fifth point? No, you are mistaken, a whole kindergarten settled there.

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I admit my mistakes ... brilliant ...

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If it weren’t for the wheel on the mouse, then I wouldn’t have any physical activity at all ...

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It’s already evening… And I didn’t want to do so much yet…

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Such a drop as I... can overflow... the cup of any patience

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I realized that my wife drives a car better than me! I can’t move on the handbrake, but she drove all day ...

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Treat me with HUMOR, I won’t say anything sensible anyway ...

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How quickly life flies! More and more “never” appears ... I will never jump with a parachute, I will never get rich, I will never put on that frivolous dress ... One consolation: I still have time to do a lot of stupid things!

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I will only answer questions in the presence of my personal psychiatrist!

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They say Russian rock is loved by drunkards and thinkers. It's embarrassing to admit, but I don't drink...

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I'm going to work today. At the barbershop: "Haircut 300 rubles, details at the administrator." At the car dealership: "3% discount for everyone, see the manager for details." Well, in the morning I put a sign on the table: “I'm angry! Husband has details!

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Evil is me at 6 o'clock in the morning

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I hope that in the New Year I will stop feeling like a workhorse, and become a little pony that everyone looks after ...

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Sometimes such clever thoughts come to mind that you feel like a complete idiot.

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The ability to shut up in time is a great and invaluable talent, unfortunately, I do not possess it.

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Today I met a man with the same character as mine... It's hard to admit it, but YES... I wanted to strangle this infection in 10 minutes already.

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There are people who don’t know me at all.… THEY ARE BAD WITHOUT ME… PROBABLY…

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Three important rules:
don't go to the store hungry
on a date - excited
and don't update your drunk status...

Sarcasm is something we rarely do without in the modern world. Sometimes it is simply impossible to express your opinion on any account otherwise. Sometimes, so that no one understands anything, and sometimes, so that everyone understands and understands very accurately. What interesting quotes with sarcasm can be adopted?

Definition

Sarcasm is a type of satire, a sarcastic joke. Sarcasm is the highest manifestation of irony. The basis of sarcasm is not only the contrast of the implied and the expressed, but also the display of the implied. Often, phrases with sarcasm can begin very positively, while most often they carry a negative connotation.

Quotes with sarcasm

Often statements of this kind, based on sarcasm, are aimed at the shortcomings of society. Such quotations are most often the most open and at the same time somewhat aggressively express the opinion of the speaker.

Black humor and cynical behavior - what else is left for a smart person in a society of idiots?
Only those who have it go crazy.
The one who does not understand anything can take on anything.
I knew a man so little read that he himself had to compose quotations from the classics.
Take care of yourself - what if I need you?
Sarcasm is a natural defensive reaction of the psyche against the stupidity of others.
Do you mind if I smoke?
You know, I don't care even if you shoot yourself.

Sometimes statements are quite elegant, their quality is much higher.

In order for a man to find something in the refrigerator, it must be at eye level and it is advisable to run around the shelf, attracting attention.
I don’t know about you, but my nerve cells not only recover, but also try to take revenge on those responsible for their death.
I'll give you a manual called "How to answer the phone" or "Oh, that mysterious green button!"
I'm often wrong, sorry, perfect people!
It is not enough to have wit, one must also be able to avoid its consequences.
Life experience is a mass of valuable knowledge about how not to behave in situations that will never happen again.
Makeup is an attempt to paint on your face the face of another, much more beautiful woman.
Lord, we broke up, but I'll go crazy and throw myself off my chair.

Sarcasm: quotes-aphorisms

The skill of some people in a sarcastic statement leads to the fact that there are such quotes that become aphorisms. For example, these are quotes from Faina Ranevskaya:

Optimism is a lack of information.
There are people in whom God lives; There are people in whom the devil lives; And there are people that live only worms.
Loneliness is a state of which there is no one to tell.
Many complain about their appearance, and no one complains about their brains.
The woman, of course, is smarter. Have you ever heard of a woman who would lose her head just because a man has beautiful legs?
Do you know what it's like to act in films? Imagine that you are washing in a bathhouse, and a tour is being led there.
Health is when you have pain in a different place every day.
If the patient really wants to live, doctors are powerless.
I do the hardest before breakfast. I get out of bed.
There are no fat women, there are small clothes.
I noticed that if you do not eat bread, sugar, fatty meat, do not drink beer with fish, the muzzle becomes smaller, but sadder.

Sarcasm in music

Interestingly, sarcasm is sometimes found even in music. And not just in popular songs or in the text of some rapper, but in real operas. Of course, the genius composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was a master of mockery, a master of irony. A variety of facets of humor from light irony (in the aria "The frisky boy" - video No. 1 from 45:00) to real sarcasm in the duet of Suzanne and Marcelina, in which they openly quarrel, bringing each other to white heat (No. 1 from 22 :00). And in general, the whole opera according to the plot of Beaumarchais is aimed at ridiculing the vices and stupidity of the aristocrats and emphasizing the intelligence of the third estate. And the plot of one day in the life of Figaro only leaves you wondering how it could have been invented and twisted everything like that?

Below is the opera in Italian, there are Russian subtitles, they can be turned on in the settings.

We present to your attention another opera. She is full of sarcastic remarks.

Among the Russian composers was also an outstanding master of sarcasm Alexander Sergeevich Dargomyzhsky, a younger contemporary of Mikhail Ivanovich Glinka and one of the founders of the Russian national school. Probably, even Mozart would envy the mastery of Dargomyzhsky's sarcasm. The difficult fate of the innovative composer led to the fact that he often resorted to irony, including malicious irony. But what role does expressive intonation play in the transmission of sarcasm, which is so rich in the great and mighty Russian language. Dargomyzhsky enriched the musical language with speech intonations, both in his romances and in operas. A visual aid to this is "The Stone Guest" based on the "Little Tragedy" by Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin. The opera was written to the unchanging text of the poet, and expressive turns of speech are complemented by musical intonation.

Sarcasm hovers in the opera from the appearance of the main characters Don Giovanni and Leporello, especially in the latter's lines.

Sarcasm is an integral part of the language and worldview. Probably, if not for this phenomenon, life would be a little boring.

Madam, would you include something, dimensions ...

Why are you healthy at your age?

I'm married, but it's fixable...

I’m almost standing under the crown, my relatives have thickened menacingly ... But my life, but my life

it's not too late to save...

It started snowing, but in the process it dried up ... Because - that's all we have! ..

Only the pathologist does not take work home.

Whether we want it or not, But they want us and have us. And it's not that intimate

What they know how to film in Hollywood.

Fate, baring her teeth, smiled.

The mind flits from stupidity to stupidity like a bird from branch to branch.

We would get used to death if we died several times.

You, Mikhail Afanasyevich, would have gone to the factory, would have looked ... - It is very noisy at the factory, but I am tired, ill, - answered Bulgakov. - You better send me to Nice!

Here, look, cat. The cat doesn't care if the Memory Society exists. Or the department of ideology under the Central Committee. Also, however, he is indifferent to the US President, his presence or absence. Why am I worse than this cat?

We can say that a person is just a special device for holding a passport. The passport is put into his inside pocket, like a block of shares in a safe, which, without value in itself, serves as a container for valuable items.

Flagg's law. The need to knock on wood has come - you find that the world consists of aluminum and plastic.

A cynic is a human owl, awake in the dark and blind in the light, preying on carrion and neglecting noble game.

aforizmy-citaty.ru

Ironic quotes - quotes, sayings and aphorisms

- Success? Mr Knightley said. I don't understand why you chose that word. Success involves effort. If you really have devoted the last four years to the efforts to arrange this marriage, then it has been done extremely carefully and subtly. A worthy occupation for the mind of a young girl! But if, as I am inclined to suspect, the arrangement of this marriage, to use your expression, consisted only in the fact that you planned it, that in a moment of idleness you said to yourself: “It would be nice, I think, for Miss Taylor, if Mr. Weston married her,” and then repeated this to themselves from time to time, “then why are you talking about success? What is your merit? What are you proud of? You've had a lucky guess, and there's nothing more to say. Arthur: I think we'll all die much sooner. And you know what? I don't mind. A worthy death. We need to stop Steppenwolf. And Superman is not with us. You don't have superpowers - no offense... This one might be working for the enemy. We don't know... You're getting in my way... Wow, you're beautiful. You are so cool and strong. I know we fought the Amazons, but that was before my birthday... You know what? I don't want to die. I'm young, smart, I have a bunch of plans. I couldn't decide until the end - sea or land? And he was alone all his life. But to be part of something bigger... Perhaps I'm afraid because I'm used to...

Bruce: Umm... [points to Hestia's lasso on Aquaman's leg]

Diana: It was a beautiful speech.

Arthur [to Flash]: If you ever stutter, I'll set piranhas on you.

Barry: I honestly passed out after saying "we're all going to die"!

frazochka.ru

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JOKES

Statuses about themselves are ironic