Psychology of a teenager. Not yet a teenager: the calmest time in a boy’s life 11-year-old girl psychology

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At the age of 10-11 years, children enter adolescence. This moment is very important; it will affect the child’s entire future life. However, now he may face many difficulties.
The fact is that parents do not understand many age-related characteristics of children of this age.

Parents with scolding and dissatisfaction only make the situation worse. You need to understand that this is a difficult time for a teenager. He realizes the changes in his own life, sees that he is now growing up. He needs adult support and is actively looking for it. Therefore, try to spend more time with your children, communicate confidentially, talk. Then you will become a reliable support at a time when the world around you is literally changing for your children.

The end of childhood

Psychologists call the age of 10-11 years the end of childhood. This is connected not only with the transition to adolescence. A lot changes, including the child’s opinion of himself. He has been attending school for several years. During this time, I became much more experienced, learned a lot, and understands a lot. Of course, we still have before us a child who loves games, communication with friends, and his plans for the future often change.

At this age
There are some features that parents should understand. They can be characterized as follows:

• the teenager himself understands that he is growing up and realizes his new status;
• behavior is normalized, he is ready for dialogue with parents;
• among adults, he distinguishes those who enjoy authority;
• turns to parents for help.

Nowadays, most children recognize the authority of their elders and are drawn to them. At this age, they can’t wait to enter the new world of adults, so communicating with adults brings great pleasure. Again there is a desire to earn praise and encouragement from relatives and teachers.

Psychological characteristics

Growing up is not an easy process. At this age, children often begin to behave differently than their parents expect. This raises a lot of questions, quarrels and scandals. It’s best to remember yourself at this age, and then try to understand the characteristics of your child’s behavior. Some of them can be proudly called positive, while others - negative - would like to be corrected as soon as possible. Parents need to be patient, because 10 years is also a difficult age.

Positive manifestations

This may include:

In order for a teenager to fully reveal the positive qualities of his age, normal upbringing is necessary. If you don’t pay attention to him, don’t educate him, then you may not see the positive aspects.

These manifestations indicate improvement in mental development in adolescent children. The main thing is that the transition to adolescence be smooth. To do this, it is necessary to gradually increase the load: more responsibility, more opportunities, enough communication with children and adults.

Negative manifestations

Children already understand everything completely, but they cannot always react adequately to what is happening. Of course, traits of childish behavior still remain. Again, if there is no proper upbringing, then the negative manifestations of age will prevail. These include:

Changes in behavior can be very rapid. At first everything goes well, but then the parents did not allow something and scolded me for something. Behavior changes, the child may become aggressive, whiny, and irritable. Here, unfortunately, there is little that can be advised, these are features of age. Parents need to develop an optimal “failure system.” Perhaps it’s worth not just saying “no,” but explaining the reason and talking. Don’t think that at 10-11 years old guys still don’t understand anything. They notice, see and know a lot about the life of their family.

Common problems for all teenagers

All children are different, but at this age they have the same problems. Everyone goes through growing up physically and psychologically. Everyone may experience the following problems at one time or another:

It will take time for them to come to terms with themselves. Don’t be too nervous, all teenagers have had and will have such problems. The main thing is that parents can help their children alleviate the situation.

How parents can help

From the height of her experience, every mother can tell her daughter that for 11 years her height and weight are normal, and if not, there are still many years ahead to correct this. Falling in love for the first time often makes adults laugh. Problems at school do not seem that important to parents. It is a big mistake to be so frivolous about something that greatly worries children.
They don’t always expect advice from you, but talking and trusting is priceless.

It is best to try to build a trusting relationship with your child even before this age. Then he will not be afraid to come to you at a difficult moment. There is no point in laughing or scolding or calling children's problems stupid. This will only assure the child that you, an adult and wise one, cannot understand him. Accordingly, you cannot help, and he will turn to someone else for help.

To help your children, you first need to understand the psychological characteristics of age. Without this nothing will work. Let it seem to you that your son or daughter is not developing as quickly as they should, that they read little, are not very attentive, or are carried away by outright nonsense. Throw away your thoughts and try to remember yourself at this age:

• what was important to you;
• how did your parents react to your problems?
• who did you go to for advice?

You can offer parents some simple tips on parenting and communication during this period:

• talk to your child, even if the topic is not the simplest or most sensitive;
• tell us more about yourself at his age;
• do not hesitate to talk to children, communicate openly;
• Understating the significance of his problem to a child is a mistake;
• don't show them your love, but give them compliments;
• Pay close attention to changes in your child’s character.

This way you will help the child much more than if you judge, ridicule or scold him.

Your son is gradually growing up: externally and internally. You can barely keep up with what's happening to him. A lot is changing: from clothes and habits to worldview and attitude towards girls.

The difficult teenage stage is inherent in nature; it cannot be avoided. For some it happens earlier, for others later, but on average, boys begin to transform from a child into a man at the age of 11-12 years.

Believe me, it's not easy for your son right now. Physical illness is superimposed by unstable mental processes and new views on the world around us. If you understand what is happening in your son’s body and can explain it to him, then this stage will be a little easier.

Let's start with physiological changes.

What happens in the body of adolescents at 11-12 years old?

The cardiovascular system. A teenager’s heart enlarges significantly, this is due to the growth of the heart muscle ─ myocardium. The heart volume of a 10-year-old boy is 130 cubic cm, and that of a 13-year-old boy is already 443 cubic cm. At the same time, blood vessels grow more slowly and the heart needs to make more efforts so that the body does not suffer from a lack of oxygen. The load on the heart increases and pain may appear in it.

Respiratory system. Lung volume also increases. But it is not yet possible to use all the oxygen received, so the brain lacks proper nutrition, which leads to headaches. The larynx begins to grow and the voice changes.

Musculoskeletal system. The tubular bones of the arms and legs and vertebrae grow rapidly. At the same time, the spine remains very mobile, and there is a high probability of its curvature. Large muscles grow faster than small ones, so it is difficult for a boy to work with small objects and he gets tired quickly. Teenagers aged 11-12 years old look disproportionate: long arms and legs, large feet.

Leather. The changes that occur in the boy’s body lead to the fact that the sebaceous glands begin to work more actively and irritations, rashes and pustules appear on the skin.

Nervous system. The brain begins to actively develop, especially the anterior sections of both hemispheres. The teenager begins to respond sharply to all comments directed at him. Excitement prevails over inhibition, so teenagers are unbalanced and their mood often changes.

The work of the autonomic nervous system, which connects the spinal cord and brain with the internal organs, is also not fully balanced. Blood vessels are poorly filled with blood, pulse and breathing become faster, the brain lacks oxygen, dizziness and weakness appear. Vegetative-vascular dystonia is a common companion for adolescents.

Endocrine system. In boys aged 11-12 years, the thyroid gland begins to actively grow, which is responsible for the energy balance in the body. The gonads also develop, and the amount of testosterone in the blood of boys increases.

About the effect of testosterone on the body of a man in general and a teenager in particular, watch the video excerpt from the webinar “10 important secrets that mothers should know about boys.”

Behavior of boys in adolescence

Internal changes greatly affect the behavior of boys.

• become very emotional, even those who were previously calm. All this is accompanied by mood swings: one minute, intense joy can be replaced by intense sadness;
• seek “thrills” and take great risks;
• they begin to pay attention to girls and want to please them;
• begin to consciously approach the choice of clothing and care for their skin;
• react painfully to comments and violently express disagreement;
• they don’t finish what they started, and sometimes they don’t even start what they were talking about;
• get tired quickly;
• become irritable;
• They can do something energetically, and after a couple of minutes they fall onto the bed, exhausted.

Relationships with girls at this age are difficult to build, one of the reasons is that at the age of 11-12 years, girls are larger and stronger than boys. This affects the self-esteem of the children.

Our free book “” will help you understand and cope with your son’s emotions.

In general, if you look from the outside at what a teenager wants to be and what he really is, then these are almost two parallel worlds. Inside, the boy is strong, handsome, girls like him and everything works out for him. And on the outside he is still clumsy, disproportionate and with a changing voice.

Which boys show more pronounced changes in behavior at the age of 11-12 years?

The visibility of changes in the boy’s behavior and health for him and those around him will also depend on the kind of life he led in childhood and leads in adolescence.

Guys who move a lot, play sports and generally lead an active lifestyle are more able to cope with the difficulties of adolescence. Physically, they develop more harmoniously and they have somewhere to throw out excess energy, and sometimes aggression.

Such active boys make parents and other adults “nervous” even before puberty, so their behavior change at the age of 11-12 is not so noticeable.

It is much more difficult for boys who constantly sit at home, move little and, possibly, suffer from excess weight. In them, changes in health and behavior are more pronounced.

Adults who are accustomed to a calm child also find it difficult to adjust.

For parents who want to understand their children, and especially for mothers who want their sons to maximize their potential for courage, we have created a special training.

Remember: “Forewarned is forearmed”? The useful knowledge and practice that you receive during the training will be a support, a foundation for helping your son pass this difficult age with dignity, calm and confidence.

This course only about boys, features of their physiology and worldview. During the training you will learn:

• how to understand and predict your teenager’s behavior in certain cases;
• about when to let go of the situation, and when, on the contrary, to take control;
• How can a mother-father-son team not turn into a “swan, crayfish and pike”;
• how your fears can poison your son's life.

The training will begin on March 29 and will last 1.5 months. Details about the training program and conditions of participation.

Adolescence is also called transitional age - transition to adulthood and responsibility. This stage is difficult for both the boy and the parents. To help your son, you need to listen to him, understand him, and accept the changes that are happening to him. You can't make fun of his appearance and relationships with girls.

Question for mothers of girls: is there a need for an article about physiological and behavioral changes in girls during adolescence?

This agreement is signed between children and adults with the aim of both maintaining peace and love in the family, and for the formation of useful and correct attitudes, values, and habits of the family.

1. Responsibilities of the parties: The child seriously accepts obligations to comply with the rules of harmony, development, beauty and order. Adults take no less serious responsibility for monitoring compliance with family rules.
2. The contract is valid until the end of the current year. At the request of the parties, the contract can be quickly extended for any period.
3. Procedure for consideration of disputes. All disputes are considered by interested parties in a warm, friendly atmosphere. The decision is made within ten minutes. To resolve disputes, a magistrate (Petya), the fairest judge in the world, may be involved, whose services are paid for by the party who turns to him.
4. ​Changing the terms of the contract. The terms of the contract cannot be changed just like that. The parties are obliged to have a hearty cup of tea, respectfully discuss the new terms and joyfully make changes to the existing agreement. All exceptions are by agreement. These exceptions should bring joy to all participants and benefit our spiritual, mental and physical health.

Signatures of the parties​​​​​​​

FAMILY RULES with KATYUSHA

BEAUTY

HARMONY

1. Daily prayer: a) gratitude, b) repentance c) request
2. Respect adults. Don't be rude.
3. In case of disagreement, possible behavior options: a) obey, silently do it with love and a smile; b) constructive dispute (starts with agreement with the partner’s point of view, then we express our position. We discuss the pros and cons, and act).
4. Not a drop of cold sharp evil. We resolve all issues in a calm atmosphere, kindly, without raising our voices or swearing.
5. Do at least 1 good deed per day (help, care, donation, etc.)

ORDER

1. Wardrobe - clean items are neatly folded, dirty items are washed.
2. The desk is in complete order, things in the room are put in their places until 22.00
3. The bed must be made every morning.
4. Be sure to clean up after yourself without reminders.
5. After eating, clean up after yourself and wash the dishes.
6. Cleaning the apartment once a week (what to do is determined by an adult)

DEVELOPMENT

1. Write down homework at school in a diary. Take home daily.
2. In order not to forget your tasks, set a sound reminder on your phone
3. Study well (minus 3 in a quarter), try hard.
4. During lessons and rehearsals, try to do everything the teachers say.
5. TV, internet, computer. games: allowed to watch educational programs. Entertainment - by agreement. How much and what to play/watch is up to the adult to decide

Sanctions for violating the rules

1. Squat/push-up/press
2. Temporary deprivation (of hugs/going to Temple/society/entertainment)
3. Fine – 20 rubles
4. We come up with sanctions for ourselves

If a child has been smart all week, at the end of the week he receives a gift (a smile, a hug, a chocolate bar or a bonus). What - the adult decides.

From the editors of Psychologos:

First: the contract is real, daughter Katya is 9 years old, her mother is smart and talented. The atmosphere in the family is warm, everyone loves each other, but I want to improve discipline.

Secondly, many people have a question: how fair is an agreement that stipulates the responsibilities of only one party? In our opinion, in this case everything is fair. In many families, the requirements for children are either excessive or unclear and floating, while no one knows for what and how the child will be punished, and the child cannot prevent this. The same agreement says that fairly clear and certain things are required from the child, the sanctions are also known, and this makes the situation more understandable for the child. Such an agreement can be called an agreement on the boundaries of friendly relations: if the child fulfills it, the parents are obliged to treat him only in a friendly manner, and not as their mood takes them. An analogue is the rules of the road: they define the driver’s responsibilities and indicate sanctions for a particular violation. Fine. This is a traffic rule, not an enslaving agreement between drivers and the state.

If a child suddenly asks what the responsibilities of parents are, then this is an easy point: parents undertake to take care of and educate the child. This is a huge job, there are many very serious points, if you write down at least the basic ones, then the work of being a parent will no longer seem small... Yes?

Video from Yana Happiness: interview with psychology professor N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be to get married successfully? How many times do men get married? Why are there not enough normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A fairy tale that could not have happened better. Payment for the opportunity to be near a beautiful woman.

At the age of 11-12 years, the importance of the team, its public opinion, relationships with peers, and their assessment of its actions and actions increases sharply for a child. He strives to gain authority in their eyes and take a worthy place in the team. The desire for autonomy and independence is noticeably manifested, interest in one’s own personality arises, self-esteem is formed, and abstract forms of thinking develop. Often he does not see a direct connection between the personality traits that are attractive to him and his everyday behavior.

At this age, children are prone to creative and sports games, where they can test their volitional qualities: endurance, perseverance, endurance. They are drawn to romance.

The desire to find oneself as a person gives rise to the need for alienation from all those who habitually influenced him from year to year, and first of all this applies to the parental family. Alienation towards the family is outwardly expressed in negativism - in the desire to resist any proposals, judgments, feelings of those at whom alienation is directed. Negativism is the primary form of the alienation mechanism, and it is also the beginning of the teenager’s active search for his own unique essence, his own “I”.

The desire to realize and develop one’s uniqueness, the awakening sense of personality requires the adolescent to separate from the family “We”, which still maintains in him a sense of protection by traditions and emotional focus on him. However, he still cannot really be alone with his “I”. He is not yet able to deeply and objectively evaluate himself; he is not able to stand alone before the world of people as the unique person he strives to become. His lost “I” strives for “We”. But this time it is “We” (“We are a group”) made up of peers.

He begins to value his relationships with his peers. Communication with those who have the same life experience as him gives the child the opportunity to look at himself in a new way. The desire to identify with others like oneself gives rise to the need for a friend, which is so valued in universal human culture. Friendship itself and service to it become one of the significant values ​​in adolescence. Adolescence, with all the complexity of psychological interactions with other people (adults and peers), has a deep appeal for its focus on creation. It is in adolescence that a teenager is focused on finding new, productive forms of communication - with peers, with his idols, with those he loves and respects. The desire to create also manifests itself in the sphere of acquired ideas and knowledge.

The youths strive to rethink what they have made the subject of their intellectual comprehension and, having felt it, present and approve it as a product of their own thinking.

However, reflection on oneself and others reveals the depths of one’s imperfection in adolescence - and the teenager goes into a state of psychological crisis. Subjectively, these are difficult experiences. But the crisis of adolescence enriches the teenager with knowledge and feelings of such depths that he did not even suspect in childhood. He goes through a difficult school of identification with himself and with others, for the first time mastering the experience of purposeful isolation. All this helps him defend his right to be an individual.

Safety comes first. You don't want to control everything, but at the same time, you want your daughter to be safe. Spend some money, buy her a cell phone, or ask her to help you save money. If she has a phone, ask her to carry it with her at all times so you can contact her. Talk to her about possible emergency situations. For example, tell her, “If you can't find a sober driver to take you home from a party, call me and I'll pick you up. It doesn’t matter if it’s 4 in the morning, I’d rather pick you up than let you ride in a car with a drunk driver.”

• Sure, she'll grumble a little about your worries, but that's better than not worrying and letting her get into a dangerous situation.
• Teenagers these days spend a lot of time online, so maintaining cybersecurity is important. Ask her not to talk online to anyone she doesn't know, and certainly not to date someone she meets online, unless she has an absolute reason to trust that person.

Let her date guys. Someday there will come a time when she will have a boyfriend (and maybe a girlfriend). You have to accept it, no matter what you really think about it. But don't forget about the rules and rigor. You have to watch how her relationship develops. Of course, you don't need to pry or ask too many questions, but you should be aware of what she's doing and where she's going.

• Of course, if you see someone treating your daughter badly or trying to take advantage of her, it may kill you, but you should help her understand who is who for herself, instead of saying that her boyfriend is a worthless person or what something like that. If you try to convince her not to date this person again, it will only make her want to do the opposite.
• Finally, understand: it is unrealistic to forbid her to meet someone she likes. This is not the stone age, understand there is nothing you can do to stop her from dating. You can't lock her in a room like a princess in a tower. One day she'll go to college or just move out, and then she'll be free to date whoever she wants.
• Plus, you don't want her to be upset with you for not allowing her to go on dates. If you don't allow her to do what all her friends do (and this is completely normal for their age), she will become very harsh with you.