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Modest girls or... Does a woman need modesty? What a modest girl she is

It has always been believed that modesty is the main dignity of a woman. But today, ideas about the attractiveness of a girl have completely changed, guys are increasingly choosing for themselves someone who is not shy and modest. Why guys are no longer attracted to discreet and mysterious girls.

What a modest girl she is

For a modest and shy girl, concepts such as not being too verbose, mysterious, passive, defenseless, and vulnerable are suitable. It would seem that all these qualities should attract the stronger sex. A real man wants to protect and defend his soulmate; a quiet and taciturn girl will become a faithful, caring wife and a wonderful mother for future children.

But there is also a negative side: lack of initiative, lack of ambition and own opinion, reluctance to develop, lack of self-confidence, pedantry. These qualities irritate men and guys today.

The main question: why do all of the above aspects of such girls repel young men? But the point is that modest girls mostly turn off only young guys– teenagers; in adulthood, a man’s values change in the opposite direction.

Reasons for guys' antipathy towards modest girls

Firstly, a young and active guy will not even notice a modest girl, because in her young years she is busy studying and self-development, she does not have free time to meet and communicate with the opposite sex. Secondly, even if he notices her, she will outwardly be much inferior to her peers who lead and look defiant.

When young people are growing up, the choice of a potential partner for a relationship is based not on her personal qualities, but on her bright and beautiful “packaging”. Stylishly dressed, bold and even daring girls are “pride” for a teenager; they are not ashamed to show her to their friends, go to the cinema or a disco with her. A modest girl, who more often than not at a young age resembles a “gray mouse” rather than a fatal beauty, will not arouse interest among friends and will not become the life of the party.

Another reason is the “hormonal explosion” in teenage boys. A promiscuous, immodest girl agrees more easily to intimacy. That is, easy accessibility attracts guys, which is difficult to say about a modest girl. At best, it will take a long time to persuade her, and at worst, this will not be possible. By the way, in most cases this is the main answer to the question: why guys don’t like modest girls.

Self-doubt is characteristic of a modest girl; this not only prevents her from finding a worthy partner, but also in communicating with people. Men feel when a girl feels uncomfortable next to him, but not everyone realizes that the reason for this is her internal barrier, and not some of his shortcomings. In any case, the presence of complexes and low self-esteem becomes a serious obstacle for a young lady in relationships with the opposite sex.

The inability to stand up for herself makes a girl unattractive in the eyes of guys. A young man will take it as an honor to stand up for his significant other in front of other guys. But often modest girls are subject to ridicule from more daring peers, and in this case the guy will not defend the interests of his beloved, but will rather turn away from her in order to protect himself from outside attacks.

In general, during the period of growing up, young people look for bright and accessible girls. During adolescence, not a single young man thinks about a serious relationship with his chosen one; by and large, he doesn’t care what kind of housewife and mother she will be, what’s important to him is “here and now.” And a girl at this age does not think about starting a family.

By what criteria does a guy choose a girl?

If we talk about the fact that uncommunicative girls repel guys, then they are also not attracted to overly vulgar and intrusive people. More precisely, the lack of femininity will never attract a man, either a mature man or a teenager. Therefore, the bright appearance and sociability of a young girl is a clear advantage, which should be moderate.

At a young age, men evaluate a woman’s appearance not by her natural abilities, but by her ability to improve them. In other words, a guy is more likely to pay attention to a girl with moderately bright makeup than without it at all. A beautiful hairstyle and manicure, a penchant for experimenting with one’s appearance attracts and attracts guys. It is these qualities that modest girls are deprived of.

Sociability and a good sense of humor make a girl especially attractive. It is not easy to willingly enter into close relationships with such girls, but they can also just be friends or spend time together if they have common interests. Modest girls cannot always become an interesting conversationalist; more precisely, she will rather become just a listener.

By the way, overly arrogant and demanding people also repel guys, and much more often than modest women. Some girls are spoiled from an early age by expensive things and excessive attention from their parents. Young, insolvent guys cannot provide a girl with expensive gifts and beautiful courtship, and they simply do not want to give them constant attention, since by and large they themselves need care and guardianship.

Conclusion

Indeed, relationships between opposite sexes in adolescence are a complex process when young people completely lack a sense of responsibility for each other, and neither wants to burden themselves with a serious relationship. Young people are attracted to simple and immodest girls, while others are attracted to “bad” guys.

With age, closer to 25 years, a man’s values completely change in the opposite direction. An adult man is looking for a life partner among modest, decent women who will be reliable, faithful and caring wives. Although daring and bold women also attract older men, but rather in a sexual way, for example, as a mistress.

Time constantly dictates its conditions: fashion, values, and concepts about human character traits change. What seemed normal twenty years ago now looks ridiculous. Or vice versa.

It’s the same with female modesty: back in the USSR, mothers taught girls that modesty adorns a girl, but now this quality is associated with a gray mouse. Let's figure it out, is modesty good or bad for a girl?

The ostentatious modesty of the woman

The most dangerous type of women is a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.” They look like righteous prudes, but inside they are treacherous bitches. This is what a girl with feigned modesty looks like:

He dresses strangely, like a monk. Buttoned at the throat, hem below the knee, faded colors. As usual, there is no hairstyle - a ponytail at the back of the head. The best option is sheep's curls around the face.

In communication, she wins over people who are far from psychological analysis. Looks like the cutest little bell girl. It's scary to breathe on it - it will crumble from its fragility, like a dandelion.

But where is the “dog buried”? Yes in my heart. The main signs of deceit are contempt for everything that is either taboo or inaccessible to her:

She condemns any feasts with fun, considering it a vulgar drinking session with terrible harm to health.

Bright girls in mini-bikinis generally evoke righteous anger in her. Especially if nature itself has not endowed her with beauty.

She pretends that for her men, as a class, do not exist. She accepts their advances with feigned disdain and hostility.

She judges rich people if her standard of living is much lower than others. She believes that all the wealth was acquired dishonestly - it cannot be otherwise.

Such a woman can be found praying in church, and five minutes later on the bus, where she will scream at the top of her lungs at a fellow passenger who stepped on her foot. Her modesty flies off along with her mask. She loves gossip, knows how to envy and gloats about someone else's misfortune, without understanding the details of the incident.

They feel sorry for such a woman and take her side if she cries in public about her fate. Like, my husband is an alcoholic, there are seven children in shops, and I’m all such a shy person with a weak character. But in fact, in her sobs, she is looking for benefit, knowing that such an image of a modest simpleton is sad for others and evokes sympathy.

Yes, in some ways you can feel sorry for her: the one who was able to tear off her mask and saw her true appearance will never contact her again. She will not be invited to a fun feast and an interesting guy will not fawn over her. But even those who couldn’t figure it out stay away from this righteous prude. Hence the complexes and condemnation of surrounding people.

So, for such a lady, modesty is only an ostentatious shell, and it is clumsily covered up, and she most likely looks frighteningly repulsive. The behavior of a woman that can be hidden under the “skin of a sheep” is described.

True feminine modesty

We are talking about a girl who does not hide her real nature, and she is truly modest, she does not need any image. She will not put on the dresses of an “unfortunate orphan from an almshouse” and read morals to others about how to live.

Her credo is not to stand out from the crowd. Therefore, even a floor-length dress with a tightly buttoned collar looks defiant in the modern world. What does an ordinary prude look like:

She loves a simple style without flashy colors. Pants, skirts, T-shirts, shoes and sneakers - everything for everyday life. Even at some celebration, she prefers to wear a simple suit rather than a lush evening dress.

She likes the minimum in cosmetics and jewelry, but does not neglect these things. The main thing is that everything looks lively and tasteful. For her, a bunch of glitter all over her body and a face painted with makeup is the height of vulgarity.

Modesty has a share of social phobia - fear of society, outside views, public speaking. True, social phobia in full is already a mental illness, but in the modest fellow it is not very pronounced.

A modest girl can work in an office environment with a large number of colleagues, but still prefers to stay away from any active participation in anything. Shy people are mostly introverts; they focus on their inner world and have difficulty establishing contacts with people around them.

Pros and cons of being modest

Answering the main question - whether modesty adorns a girl, one thing can be said: depending on what kind of society she is among. She may be a black sheep in the world of show business, for example. But she will be indispensable in the place of a librarian. And many men love to marry modest young ladies, although they look with admiration at sexy ladies.

Cons of a modest girl

Yes, many “gray mice” really face the same gray life. Especially if the mentality of the country requires the submission of women. But even if a girl lives in a free country, and her character is nevertheless very modest, then this is what you can expect from her:

She's impenetrable. A career requires great strength, opportunity and even arrogance. The humble simpleton does not have this. But not everyone can break walls with their foreheads. If you are in the same position, then in the article there is a small test that will help you understand yourself.

She is uncommunicative. Modesty does not give her a chance to be a leader whom everyone around her listens to. She is rarely seen at a corporate party. If you can find her there, then somewhere there, at the end of the table - silent and in a gray blouse.

She's insecure. It takes a lot of effort to introduce her to a guy. She will find so many excuses, referring to her complexes, that it is easier to tie her to a chair so that the viewing takes place. And the groom will be embarrassed by her uncertainty.

Pros of a modest girl

Even if many modest women are considered outdated and uninteresting, they still have more advantages. And here they are:

She is a peaceful and kind person. She will not pester her colleagues at work; she is flexible in the family and affectionate with children. It is difficult to quarrel with her - she would rather withdraw into herself in any conflict or try to hush it up from the very beginning.

She listens to people, draws conclusions, understands them and gains wisdom. She is like a filter, she transfers all the everyday problems of other people through herself, so she can give her friend practical advice.

She is lacking initiative, but in a good way. Still, initiative, as we know, is punishable. She will not irritate her boss or enrage her colleagues, because she is generally difficult to notice at work. Only the results of her work will be visible, which, as a rule, are excellent.

She will never become a freak. Such a woman is unlikely to find herself in some kind of embarrassing situation, for which both she and her loved ones will be ashamed. She definitely won’t become a YouTube star. She doesn't need success through shame. She will find other ways to realize herself.

She has a good upbringing. She will not become a slob in society; she is not instilled with such qualities as rudeness, arrogance and bitchiness. It’s cozy and comfortable to be around her, and it’s from just such a girl that you can expect selfless first aid.

Unfortunately, not all shy people are happy with their “gray” character. They, on the contrary, consider it a huge complex. Seeing that men “peck” at the brighter representatives of the fairer sex, they are undermined by the worm of envy, even though it is safe for others - the “virus” is excluded.

If you yourself consider your modesty to be a big flaw, then read. And yet - do not lose your main dignity in character, someday the times will come when modesty will come into fashion again, and you will win against the background of these slap-lipped girls.

An interesting question: which girls do young men like most? You can often hear the opinion that modest girls attract the attention of guys. But in practice, often, a young man is captivated by completely different qualities. Is it worth striving for modesty in the modern world?

Even in the last century, modesty was considered an undeniable virtue. However, at present, a very modest girl risks remaining unclaimed both in her personal life and in her profession. The conditions of modern life are such that you need to be able to present yourself in order to please men and colleagues. In this case, excessive tightness can become a serious obstacle.

Young guys rarely pay attention to shy girls who don’t stand out from the crowd. However, when it comes to a serious relationship and readiness for marriage, a man really evaluates his companion according to several criteria, which includes her behavior. In this case, a modest, beautiful girl has a better chance of becoming a legal wife.

We can say that the future spouse makes quite practical demands on the bride:

First of all, if the girl is very modest, there will be no family problems associated with jealousy. By her nature, the lady of the heart is not prone to frivolous behavior and will not provoke her husband to inappropriate actions by flirting with his friends and strangers;
As a rule, a modest woman prefers the silence of her apartment to noisy entertainment in nightclubs. Such brides subsequently make magnificent wives, capable of creating coziness in the house and feeding the whole family with culinary masterpieces;
Another reason that makes modest girls very attractive in the eyes of guys is the lack of interest in shopping. Shyness and modesty will allow you to save the family budget, since the future wife will get by with a minimal wardrobe and will never spend money on excesses;
Virginity is one of the most common arguments why guys like modest girls. Any man is pleased to know that he is the first and only; this significantly increases their self-esteem.

Is this really the case?

The naivety of the male sex is amazing. Stereotypes that have developed over centuries are perceived as unshakable, although over time everything changes. In most cases, all the above arguments have nothing to do with modesty and can lead to an erroneous opinion when choosing a spouse.

For example, a beautiful girl who does not show coquetry can become the subject of persistent courtship and, accordingly, provoke jealousy. Deprivation of virginity is currently, fortunately, not considered a crime. You can remain a modest person by knowing what sexual intimacy is.

A modest woman does not necessarily become an excellent housewife. Often, girls of this type prefer to sit all day long over a romantic story rather than prepare pickles.

Clothing is a controversial issue! An independent young woman with a stable income should dress with dignity.

You don't have to spend all your free time in stores. However, the cost of the chosen items can sometimes shock the gentleman. Outwardly modest clothes for a girl can be purchased in a well-known boutique, where, by definition, it is impossible to buy a cheap and vulgar item.

It is necessary to separate modesty from tightness. The first quality is characterized by tact, education, the ability to behave in society, and the absence of a touch of vulgarity in appearance and habits. The uptight girl is filled with complexes that make her blush at every male glance, disguise her lovely figure with baggy clothes, and refuse to use cosmetics.

It is precisely such individuals who become devoted housewives, quiet and obedient wives. By the way, guys are most often bored spending time with a girl who is insecure, unable to take initiative, has no personal opinion and wrings her hands in horror at the slightest hint of intimacy. Usually a young man is interested in the opinions of others about his girlfriend; he is pleased if his friends like her.

For a high-status person, excessive modesty of a life partner can become a problem. Due to his duty or social status, such a man is often present at corporate events or social events. A chosen one who is unable to hold a conversation can seriously damage his reputation.

Is it possible to cultivate modesty in yourself? Psychologists are confident that with due diligence, a persistent person is able to develop almost any qualities in himself.

Become a modest girl: how to develop the necessary qualities in yourself

In fact, the set of rules that a modest woman must adhere to is quite simple:

If a girl uses obscene expressions in her speech, it is impossible to call her a well-mannered, much less a modest person. However, you can sometimes resort to the emotional manifestation of negative feelings with the help of swearing, but only in the circle of close friends. When talking with unfamiliar people, especially men, you should behave civilly.
One of the signs of modesty is appearance. Of course, no one calls for disfiguring your figure with shapeless skirts and stretched T-shirts. However, becoming a modest person, emphasizing her appearance with bright cosmetics and flashy things, is problematic. You should carefully work out your image, leaving provocative necklines and tight silhouettes for parties.
Excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages, smoking, and causing laughter should also not be practiced, especially in public places. Negative factors when assessing behavior include hysteria, capriciousness, and obsession.
Having tact is a rare quality that it is advisable to cultivate in yourself. You should not discuss other people's mistakes out loud. It is better to privately advise the person to monitor his behavior.

It’s difficult to say whether men like modest girls or not, it’s a matter of taste. However, having chosen the image of “your boyfriend” or “broken young lady”, you should not be surprised why young people are in no hurry to show interest.

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To answer the question, Do guys like shy, silent girls?, you need to define the concept. Modest – what are they? Silent - how is it? If this includes a sense of proportion in everything - in emotions, behavior, cosmetics, clothing, words and expression of feelings, then I can say definitely - yes, but not for everyone.

If what we mean here is downtroddenness, painful shyness, unsociability, a monastic lifestyle, then alas, no, a guy in adolescence (and not only) is unlikely to decide to have a relationship with such a girl. You can read here in more detail.

There is a fairly widespread opinion that the so-called. sociable, overly sociable girls are more attractive to guys than modest and silent girls. Yes, this is true, if we talk about the majority, but even they don’t really like the fact that there are too many potential rivals hovering around them. And certainly none of them like it if such girls dress or put on their shoes tastelessly, maintain an absolute vacuum in their heads, and behave in a pointedly arrogant and vulgar manner, while also smoking like steam locomotives.

What I want to say: extremes are not welcomed by guys in either case. Therefore, there must be a certain golden mean here. If a girl is modest, from an ordinary family, her circle of friends is limited, and her demands do not go beyond reasonable limits, but she is quite modern, aware of everything that is interesting to her peers, and it is interesting to communicate with her, then she has every chance of being liked by a guy.

Do guys like modest girls? Let's look at ourselves

Try to evaluate how friendly, sweet, polite and even graceful you are, because many of today’s young men dream of just such things, and “peck” at what is more accessible. This is due to not having too much self-confidence. After all, in order to communicate with a cultured, intelligent, well-educated person, you still need to reach his level yourself.

Therefore, you should not try to copy the behavior of girls who are “popular” with guys. With time and experience, young men still change their tastes and preferences, and you shouldn’t adapt to them every time. In addition, as the hero of one very popular film “Men” said in Soviet times: “There’s one thing you don’t know about us, men: why we date some and marry completely different people” (this is not verbatim, but it makes you think ).

Of course, guys are attracted to everything bright, catchy, beautiful, sparkling, they admire it, write it down in the list of their victories, and then with a clear conscience exchange such a girlfriend for a brighter one from their point of view.

Low-key, modest girls begin to interest boys when they are convinced that most often, a flashy girl is a rhinestone, a fake, which can easily be confused with the diamond that they are looking for. Therefore, in the question of whether guys like modest and silent girls, you should not focus on the word “modest” and “silent”, so be it, you should not break yourself for the sake of passing fashion.

If guys like modest girls, then why?

Many young men find a lot of advantages in modest and pretty girls: lack of self-importance, demanding of people, lack of obsession with fashionable clothes and competitions “who can seduce or make a guy faster.” They appreciate in modest girls the fact that you won’t meet them in drunken companies or with a cigarette in hand, you won’t call them “Miss Glamor” or “Sex Girls”. Only the most worthy, self-confident and strong in character will fall in love, but everyone respects them.

However, you shouldn’t go to extremes: turn yourself into a gray mouse or be your mother’s daughter all the time. A modest girl who, in addition to all her virtues, also has self-esteem, a desire to have fun, and a desire to respect and love not only others, but also herself, will make them move mountains. You need to overcome shyness, as well as develop the ability to carry on a conversation, and protect yourself from the attacks of “firebirds”.

Everyone needs to feel like a person, an individual, read interesting books, watch equally interesting films, engage in self-education, increase their level of intelligence, regardless of whether they are a modest person or not. You just don't need to dwell on it. There is much more to life.

By the way, most often those girls who believe that they are overweight are modest. You can read about how young men treat them in the article by following the link.

I have a friend who is a good example of whether guys like modest girls - she was just like that in her youth, but that didn’t stop her from being strong when needed, sociable when needed, it didn’t stop her from becoming a wonderful mother and wife, realize yourself in your chosen profession. Her husband is proud of what she has achieved (he knows what it took her) and absolutely loves it when she blushes (still does!)

The story of my reader is about how a guy did not take into account the modest upbringing of a girl and went too far with persistence.

I met Sergei on the bus. That day I lost money and had to be late for the exam. Sergei did not let trouble happen, he paid for my travel. That evening, after successfully passing the exam, we met in the park.

I liked him at first sight - tall, charming, generous! He flatly refused to take the money back. We chatted for a very long time and walked until the night. I asked to be escorted home, because I was afraid to walk the streets alone. I was somewhat surprised by his reaction to my simple request: “You are a coward and a mother’s daughter. You are already 18 - it’s time to break away from your parents.” I was offended and could not find what to answer.

The next day we met again. Seeing him, I forgot about all the grievances - a charming smile, a flower, a chocolate - again we walked and talked until late. By the end of the date, I was no longer able to laugh - he knew so many funny stories, jokes, anecdotes! It was getting dark again and I, freezing, got ready to go home, no longer asking him to accompany me. But he stopped me, saying that the evening was just beginning, now his friends would arrive and we would go to the disco. I didn’t like it very much, something sank inside me. I made a nervous attempt to leave under the pretext that I was not feeling well. But he again did not let me do it, rudely stopping me. “If you want to be a girl until you’re old, please go away, but I assure you, you’ll regret me all your life,” I obeyed. For some reason, I wanted to obey him unquestioningly, even though my intuition told me to run. I couldn’t even tell my parents where I was (we didn’t have cell phones at that time).

His friends came. Five people. We went to the disco. Sergei held my hand tightly the whole way. I was scared, but at the same time I was tormented by a strange feeling that I was really a stupid coward, and Sergei was a confident, strict man. His friends spoke to him in a respectful tone. They treated me the same way. There was not even a hint of depravity, as I had panicked in my imagination.

At the disco, he began to allow himself a lot of unnecessary things. I made it sternly clear that I didn’t like any of this. In addition, I was worried about my parents, because it was already night. He again began to convince me that I was an adult and should think with my own head that he would never get involved with a child. He repeated that he was not holding me and that I could leave at any time. He himself will call me a taxi. But he kept reminding me of what I would lose.

His friends had girls from somewhere and they began to retire in private.

At some point, I burst into tears like a child and asked to be sent home.

At that very moment I regretted my words - on his face I saw contempt mixed with some kind of terrible disgust. It was very humiliating, I wanted to take my words back, but he did as he promised - he ordered a taxi and sent me home

At home I had a very serious conversation with my parents. For the first time in my life, I said a lot of nasty things to them, being impressed by Sergei’s words. I'm not a mama's daughter and I'm not a snot in a glass!!!

The next day, my parents and I left for the country for a week. Without sleeping all night, in the morning I tearfully asked for forgiveness from them for my words, and I hated and loved Sergei

I had a week to think about it. A calm conversation with my mother solved all my problems. Now everything was clear to me. I felt sorry for myself and my parents) I didn’t have any feelings for Sergei. Even hatred. Something of friendly sympathy remained - after all, he really did as he promised. So he's an honest man at least

But he reacted very sharply to my indifferently friendly greeting. I think his pride was hurt. He decided that I had been “having fun with someone else” for a week under the guise of a trip to the dacha with my parents. And with him I was just pretending to be hard to touch

I found myself begging him to trust me! With an effort of will, I cut off all explanations, calmly saying, “Well, let her have fun, just don’t worry, okay, bye, I have to go.” His face changed again. Now I know that I took advantage of his kindness and generosity. I invited him to give back all the (small in principle) money that he spent on me, he almost flew into a rage. I became an enemy.

I did not respond to his angry attacks. She just looked at him calmly. And one day she quietly said, “If I was wrong somewhere, I’m sorry.” After some time, he calmed down, once saying “okay, sorry, I behaved like a darned b**ch” and you’re a normal girl.

A couple of years later, he found me in a chat and congratulated me. I found out that he had just returned from the army and was going to start a new life, that he was no longer as addicted to sex as before. I wished him good luck with all my heart, expressed confidence that everything would work out for him, and said that I was already getting married.

There is not much point in analyzing the situation. The man simply did not take into account that the girl was modest, well-mannered and was not used to the rapid development of events. I suppose she was also a virgin at that time - and here the fear of haste is all the more understandable. The conclusion is simple: consider who is in front of you - a “liberated” girl or a modest, even uptight girl with a good, proper upbringing. By pushing her for sex, you can easily miss out on a potential partner for a serious relationship. Just scare her and thereby turn her against you, as happened in history.

I think that this outcome is not the worst for the girl. Very often, girls, having fallen in love with an alpha rake, jump after him into the pool of dubious pleasures and from being good girls turn into walking ladies, unfit for the family. Therefore, passion is passion, temptations are temptations, and you always need to have a head on your shoulders. Especially when life has not yet been flushed down the club toilet.

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