Husband or children. Who comes first? Man or child: who should come first? For a man, children come first.

My Soul chose to go through the experience of growing up in a disharmonious family, where there was no full-fledged love between a man and a woman. Mom gave more love to children, and the man was in third or fourth place in her system of values. This was the cause of many scandals in the family. So the Universe gave signs to each of us so that we correctly set our internal priorities.

Now I realize that it is important for every person to be in the first place in the value system. Then comes the loved one and the relationship with him. Children in third place, on the fourth parents, etc. If the value system of each family member is violated, various conflicts and misunderstandings of each other occur...

Children grow up deprived of love and defective, tk. true love comes from the couple, not from one of the parents. It is with a harmonious relationship between a man and a woman that children grow up happy and whole. From one of the parents, basically, the child receives custody and excessive care, which only fetters him and does not allow him to develop naturally.

Often, in her internal system of values, a woman does not come first, but the first for her is a child or a husband. In such a scheme, no one wins, because. the child receives an initially wrong attitude in life, and his fate breaks down. A husband, feeling himself in the first place for a woman, does not really appreciate her. A woman in this situation manifests more maternal qualities in herself and does not create the space of Love that she can create with her inner state of femininity and lightness.

Discussing this topic, I came across an article on the Internet in which a woman put her relationship with her husband higher than her relationship with children, and shares her opinion about this ...

“Less than a month after our wedding—before I even had a chance to send out thank you letters for wedding gifts—I was holding a positive pregnancy test in my hands.

After eight and a half months of marriage, still living our lives as husband and wife, we suddenly became mom and dad. I don't want to say that we were not ready to become parents, rather, on the contrary - we both yearned to start our family, but I would say that becoming a mother in the same year that you became a wife is not easy.

The first year of our son's life was the most difficult for our marriage, and it was also the year I learned one very important lesson: my husband should always come first in relation to the children.Don't get me wrong: I love my children very much and would do anything for them, but I love my husband more.

When I share this thought with my friends, I usually meet with outrage and complete misunderstanding! After all, this goes against the golden rule of motherhood, which says that being a good parent means sacrificing everything for the well-being and happiness of your own children.

Leaving our own needs aside for the sake of the needs of the children is practically a requirement, but sorry, I don't buy it.

For some, the concept that children should be in second place seems ridiculous. There is no doubt that the bond between mother and child is unbreakable. But I view my investment in my relationship with my spouse as beneficial to our family as a whole.

The priority of my husband's interests reduces our chances of divorce and increases the likelihood that the children will remain in a complete family.

I strongly believe that building healthy relationships sets the foundation for our children, and they will know how to build their own relationships when they grow up.

In my opinion, my husband and I are the first example of what a happy marriage is. By watching us, our children learn how they should treat their future spouses (and what they should expect in return).

I think that raising them in a home where both parents so clearly love and appreciate each other is the key to their growth. For me, that means putting my husband first.

With a few exceptions, we have never taken children to our bed. When we had the opportunity to relax together, we always used it. And I don't feel guilty about enlisting the help of relatives when we wanted to have a date where we talked about everything except the kids.

H In a few years, our son and daughter will leave our home, and when they do, I want to celebrate a job well done with my loved one, and not sit in an empty house with a person who has become a stranger to me over the years of gradual separation from each other.

With gratitude and love to you, Sergey Perekrestov.

P.S. Please write how much this article resonated for you, with what you agree or disagree with what was written.

Today I will reveal to you the secret of happy wives. The secret is very simple: the husband in the life of a woman is in the first place.

Unfortunately, women do not know this secret or do not know anything about it, so very few people manage to build a happy relationship with their husband. Quarrels are replaced by scandals. It ends, at best, in alienation, and at worst, in divorce.

Family life often begins to burst at the seams precisely when a woman sets priorities incorrectly. Today, women rush between children, work, career, home, their parents, hoping that the husband will understand the busyness and appreciate these efforts. And for some reason, the husband not only does not appreciate it, but also takes offense and spoils our whole life, which we have arranged for so long.

Perhaps, any woman dreams of having a happy family, a caring husband, children, a beautiful, comfortable home, and at some point we, women, put the very idea of ​​a family in the first place, and the husband becomes just a means by which we achieve this goals.

We get married, give birth to children, raise them, take them to a thousand circles, work for the good of our family, bring everything into the house, but at some point we forget about our husband, he is lost somewhere among our plans and goals for creating a happy families. And sometimes even serves as a hindrance when he expresses his displeasure.And some even forget about their husband as soon as they get married.

Perhaps it all stems from our immaturity. Let's remember how girls play family. There is a house, there are baby dolls. We cook, we clean. Perhaps the same mother girls come to visit us with their dolls. But where is the husband? It definitely doesn't exist in games. Moreover, there are no problems with building relationships, quarrels and our work aimed at creating a happy family. Everything seems to be easy and simple.

Then the girl grows up, the genetically inherent desire to create a family is realized in life. Naturally, with the help of a man.

After all, children are not dolls; without a man, they cannot appear. And a man can become a means to achieve this childhood dream. Just a means. Is that why we face so many problems and misunderstandings in our adult married life? And this happens when in life a woman continues to “play with dolls”, not realizing that a man is the center of a woman, that he is her goal, her king, and that there is nothing more important than a husband and their love as a couple.

Very often problems in the family begin with the birth of children. I have heard these stories since childhood, that men are selfish, that they are jealous of children, that they need a lot of attention. Have you heard this?

And this happens because there is a popular belief that the main task and main purpose of a woman is to give birth to children. Motherhood is given great attention. And all the energy and all the feelings of a woman are drawn there.

But the relationship between husband and wife becomes secondary and forgotten. But is it possible to have a happy motherhood and happy children, when the wife has forgotten about her husband and all her attention, love gives to the children? Is that why some men become bad fathers?

Many men do not notice children at all, someone starts drinking, walking, and some even leave the family.

Becoming a mother, a woman also acts somewhere out of selfish motives, directing her attention only to the child: “This is mine, it will not go anywhere, it will not betray, it will not leave.” And with this (with a man) you still need to build something, negotiate ... All this is very difficult. Women justify themselves: “I am not a woman. I am a mother." But being a mother and being a woman are two different things.

Do you know that, becoming a mother, a woman includes male energies? She cares, controls, feeds, protects, protects. And a man feels that he is losing his woman, and therefore he rebels, and sometimes leaves. And if he does not leave, then he becomes a child. And the woman with all her strength begins to take care of him.

We women, with our own hands, create competition between the child and his father. Often it is the child that serves as the "trigger" to the collapse of the family. Since it is the woman who decides that now the main thing in her life is children. What is a man to do? Jealous, angry or give up.

I didn’t understand before why a father is jealous of his wife for his own child. Now I understand. A woman, as I have already said, chooses a reliable object of love who “will not betray”, “will not leave”, thereby depriving a man of the right to his love. Do you understand?

Every man wants a woman to be a good and caring mother, but no man wants to get lost in the performance of our sacred duty and become a means to our well-being.

It is unlikely that children will mind if you put their dad in the first place. “The happiest moments for children are the moments when children see their parents as a couple. Then they are really happy and calm.” says Bert Hellinger.

Partnerships have an advantage over motherhood, because for a real woman, a man always comes first, as she understands that she can only be a woman with a man. Without a man, she is not a woman, but a unit of society, a mother, an employee ... But its essence of femininity can be understood only next to a man. This is perhaps the most important conclusion.

As I already wrote, all problems come from fear, from distrust, from a misunderstanding of one's feminine nature. Put the man first? Scary! Therefore, for a woman, work, career, personal achievements often come first after children. And this takes a huge amount of energy, such a woman, when she comes home, also wants to be met by her “wife” (or “mother”, but not a man!). Is it possible? No.

And we are back to femininity again. It’s scary, and it’s not clear how, and it’s terribly difficult, but you need to move in this direction. Only a woman who is able to realize her essence, which is opposite to male nature, accepting her female power, is able to understand with all her heart without fear why it is so important to put a man in first place in her system of values. You and your partner, your relationship comes first and second, and your children come third.

And then, the saying, repeated and beaten by everyone, that we can give our children only what we ourselves have, makes sense. We can give a complete real family, love and respect for each other, security and peace of mind.

Children need happy parents, and they don't need an "economic marriage" saved for them. Children feel everything very subtly. And the solution is not to break up or save the marriage for the sake of children. And the way out is that a woman has all the resources to realize that this is not a game of dolls, that a real, living man has appeared in her “house”, but in order for him not to turn into a woman, she will have to become a woman.

Tatyana Dzutseva

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Due to my position “in the world”, I quite often have to conduct a variety of interviews, sometimes I do it alone, sometimes together with the “top managers of the company” and very often the interviewee is asked the following question: “Where is the job for you?”

And 90% of the applicants answer, although they lie, of course, more than half: “Of course, on the first one!” and then I feel so sad ... and, probably, now I need to explain why.

Working "in the first place" can be for a number of reasons.

1. When work is money.

Work in this company is the only source of income and then work turns into "living water", without which existence is impossible. I allow myself to disagree with many senior leaders who believe that an employee should be terribly afraid of being left without work and without money, which means he will “tear the veins” and other parts of the body on the “British flag”. Fear gives rise to hatred and lies, and in those companies where people work exclusively for money and for the sake of money, it is hatred and lies that are enough for everyone to the fullest. As for the worker himself, it has already been proven that the more you are afraid of making any mistake at work, the faster you make it. Fear and hate and lies are bad allies for a good job.

2. When work is ego.

ABOUT! We see images like this all over the place. If you want to check a person “for lice,” then offer him money or a leadership position. Well, or not a leadership position, but so that at least someone depends on him. For example, “watchman syndrome” is precisely from this opera. Watchman's syndrome is when a remark is made to you in a dismissive tone in the wardrobe about an equal coat hanger and they refuse to take it, this is when the cleaning lady specially hits you on shiny boots with a dirty rag, supposedly wiping the floor, this is when the nurse in the hospital shouts “hey, you, wait, I’ll have some tea now, ”and your eyes are dark from pain, this is when it’s funny and ridiculous, but it makes you want to cry.

Work is ego, it is when at work a person “breaks away” on someone else, satisfying his cockroaches in his head. Usually by losing his job, such a person loses himself ... until he finds a new object for his sadistic pleasures.

3. When work is a dream.

This is probably the only cool option when work for a person comes first, but this is no less safe. Everyone has different dreams - someone wants to create the most prosperous company in the city, and someone in the world. Someone dreams of staging a brilliant performance, and someone wants to make a brilliant film. For some, work is a calling or a means of self-expression.

But ... as life shows us, you can’t put all your eggs in one basket, and if work is the most important thing for you, leaving far behind your family, children, and friends ... then the Universe will have no choice but to take this very job away from you so that you learn how to properly prioritize your life. What we value most is usually taken from us, even if the job is your dream.

4. When work is salvation from loneliness.

This option is perfectly considered in the movie "Office Romance" using the example of the "old mymra". A lonely, 36-year-old woman spends all her evenings at work, because she is simply bored and dreary at home.

Work is emotions, it is events, it is drive, it is trouble, it is presentations and birthdays of colleagues. All in a bunch. This is a huge layer in the life of each of us, but in the evenings we run home - to our loved ones and loved ones who are waiting for us. What if they don't wait? And if there are four walls and ... emptiness?

It's sad when a person has nothing but work, because at best you still have to retire and still have to be left alone with yourself. And at worst ... how many people around us lose their jobs every day for objective or subjective reasons?

Comments:

I believe that in no case should a woman put work in the first place, sooner or later she will regret it. Anyway, for a woman, family, children, a beloved person are more important - that is, true values. My relative has been retired for many years, but she can’t leave work, she’s already completely sick, they even took her away from work with a microstroke ... But, anyway, she runs there ... Because work was in the first place and replaced true values, she she’s just afraid to be alone with herself, with her thoughts ... And at work, by the way, they survive in every possible way, they get on her nerves and can’t wait until she quits. Who wants to be in this situation in their old age? Nothing can replace the laughter of your own children, their first successes and failures, the happiness of spending time with their grandchildren, the second youth! :-)

I love my job)))

And I don't want her to go far into the background

When there are some difficulties in the family (for example, someone is sick), then the priority, of course, is on the family

Ideally, when everything is calm around, I would like the spheres of "family" and "work" to be combined 50/50

I don’t know if I can ever quit my job))) if I ever want to

That's right - work should be fun. Only in this case it will be done easily, naturally and with excellent results. And in the first place a person should have himself, his loved ones, relatives and the whole world around him, which, of course, also includes work.

I really liked the article, everything is concise but so clearly described! While I am a student, I would like, of course, to have a dream job, but ... I believe that you need to be dedicated to your work only without fanaticism, otherwise, only you will have it, and then it may not be (((

I have never met ardent fans of my work, for whom work would overshadow family, friends, and personal interests. But I met people who love their work, enjoy it. Loving your job does not mean putting it first in life. You can't go to work with your head.

We are all, to one degree or another, dependent on our work: money, self-realization, interesting pastime - this is far from all that you can get from work. Of course, you can not put work in the first place, and personal life in the second, but vice versa is impossible. In my opinion, work and personal life should be on the same level!