Why does a child love and obey his father more than his mother. If a child loves dad more Why is mom loved more than dad

"No! I want daddy to do it!"

Your three-year-old is squeezed between the bed and the closet, and with all his appearance shows that he will not allow you to help him get dressed.

“Daddy is at work now. Mom is here! I will help you".

When you try to get closer, he pushes you away with his little hands.

Resentment grows within you. “What makes dad so special? I'm here with you all day. And this is the thank you I get?” - you think to yourself.

How to deal with it?

It is not uncommon for children to prefer one parent to another. Sometimes - due to a change in parental roles: due to a move, after starting a new job, during illness or separation, parents can change responsibilities, and the parent who used to do this may not prepare breakfast, take him to kindergarten and put him to bed .

Sometimes this happens after the birth of a younger brother or sister. One parent takes more care of the baby, while the other spends more time with the older child.

And sometimes it's just because it's more fun to swim with dad. And my mother tells bedtime stories more interestingly.

Regardless of the reason, rejection by a child hurts. Thank God, there are ways to cope with this and get through this difficult stage.

AdviсeFor"rejected» parent

• Learn to master your feelings

It is normal to experience a wide variety of feelings when a child pushes you away. Telling your child how you feel (“I feel sad when you yell “go away!”) is also normal. But tears, angry thoughts and painful feelings about this are better shared with someone from adults, and not with a child.

• Work on the bond between you and your child

If the relationship between you has become strained, take the time to strengthen the connection. Spend daily quality time only with each other. Participate in activities that your child enjoys or come up with "special" activities that both of you enjoy and are yours alone.

• Show empathy in difficult times

There will be times when the other parent will not be around and will not be able to come to the rescue of the child. At these moments, help the child survive the feelings that captured him, and then calmly draw boundaries. “I know you would like daddy to help you get dressed. It's hard when he's at work and your mommy helps you get dressed instead."

• Look for clues

This can be difficult to accept, but often there is much to learn from the parent whose company the child prefers. Perhaps the songs that dad sings while bathing help the child cope with the discomfort while washing his hair. Or a funny game that mom plays with a child in the morning, charges him with a good mood. Be yourself and at the same time consider whether you can borrow some good parenting habits from your husband (or wife).

• Treat Yourself Kindly

It's easy to get discouraged or question how good a mom you are when your child prefers dad's company (or vice versa). Remind yourself that this is just a phase. That you are the parent your child needs. And that your worth is not measured by how positively your child feels about you. If you can't deal with negative feelings on your own, seek support from a professional.

What about a parent who is "loved" more?

It can be hard to be a parent who is repulsed by your own child, but being a parent whom your child “loves” more can be just as difficult. You may feel helpless, embarrassed, and feel like you're torn between the two people you love the most.

Here are some tips for you:

• Support the “rejected” parent

It's easy to feel on horseback when a child turns to you for help. Instead of picking up his mood, encourage the child's dependence on the second parent. Remind your child that he is loved by a lot of people, including the parent from whom he prefers to be at a distance.

• Talk to your child about the common and special things about both parents.

When alone with a child without a second parent, emphasize what makes the latter special and unique. Pay attention to its advantages and strengths. Talk about things you both do well. Or ask your child to describe what he loves about both parents.

• Be careful with the feelings of the second parent

Remember that he may suffer from how close your relationship is. Even if the child's special attitude towards you gives rise to warm feelings in you, envy, jealousy, frustration and pain can lurk in the soul of the second parent. Put aside your pride and give these two the time and space to talk openly about their feelings. And remember, the situation can change exactly the opposite after a while, and you can be in the role of the “rejected”!

And finally...

Thank God, children grow and mature. Over time, the difference in their preferences will become a thing of the past, and they will realize that it is possible to love each parent in their own way. Until that time has come, breathe deeply. Find the source of strength within yourself, as if someone near and dear gave you many, many hugs and kisses. And smile softly when the child calls his beloved daddy to change a dirty diaper.

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1 Comment threads

3 thread replies

The child loves his father more than his mother. Why?

With us, when dad is at home, the principle of a good and bad cop most often operates: dad, respectively, is a good cop, and mom (that is, me) is a bad one, I always ask you to clean up after yourself or do something. Dad allows a lot to the child - more than me (but, of course, within reason), he can play with him in those games that I can’t (circle, for example, or throw a couple of times in the air - I don’t have enough strength for this ). Plus, the child rarely sees his dad - he works a lot, but he sees his mother all the time - I sit at home with him on maternity leave. Therefore, he misses his dad more and it seems that he loves more. Although I think that he still loves us equally (well, or almost equally).

This often happens up to a certain age in babies, girls are more drawn to their dad, boys to their mother, even jealousy can be observed, as Freud claimed, it is something like first love, the first attraction to the opposite sex, but what if an adult child loves more father, it means that the father played a more significant role in his life, not all mothers can be nominated for an Oscar, some cope worse with their maternal duties, so the child is more drawn to someone who understands him and who was more involved with him at one time.

Well, most likely this is because he sees his father less often than his mother. And dad always brings him some toys and goodies for him. And in rare moments when dad plays with a child, he (dad) gives all the best, for a week ahead.

Perhaps the father constantly indulges the child with all sorts of gifts, trips to interesting places, and even appeal. The mother is more strict and forces the child to do what he does not want (I say, this is not in a bad way, but as a fact). Perhaps the father is more busy at work , the child misses him, rarely sees him and is always very happy when dad is with him.

It is difficult to deceive a child while he is small, it is unlikely that his great craving for one of the parents can be explained by some kind of cunning. It's just that the child feels better with this parent. Perhaps dad spent more time with the child, in the modern world this is not so rare. Perhaps the mother, while raising the child, overdid it somewhere, and the father, whom he sees less often, does not allow himself this, indulges. Although this situation cannot be called standard, as a rule, while a child is small, he is more drawn to his mother. In this matter, the age of the child and the family situation are important, hence the need to build on.

The child rarely sees his father, but usually plays with him more often. Moreover, the nature of the games is different. The father can throw the child up, turn the carousel, wrestle, ride on himself. Which, of course, a mother wouldn't do. Because the safety of the child is most important to her. The child can not wait to know life in all its manifestations. The father is to develop the child physically. Show your child that sports can be fun.

Well, children most of all reach out to those parents, either to mom or dad, in the event that one of the parents pays as much attention as possible. Well, or pampers, does not scream, does not scold. Well, mostly boys go to dad and girls go to mom, because dad brings up the baby as a real man, and mom makes the girl a girl, prepares for later life, a girl.

The child feels a more harmonious person, so he is drawn to him. And Sun. And it's natural, and it's right. This explains the attraction of the child to the parent. Thus, he saves his soul as best he can.

I'll say it myself. I have both a boy and a girl. The girl reaches out to me more (and this is understandable), the boy is less, but also stretches. My wife blames me for being strict with my children. The main thing for me is to put them on their feet. I am more loyal to a girl (she is a girl), but the requirements for a boy are strict (he still serves in the Army). Naturally, he doesn't like it. I won’t make a WOMAN out of a girl (mother is responsible for this), you need to grow a MAN out of a boy, and not a slob. It's better for a man. This is where the answer lies. Who wants to do what you don't want to, But you have to!

Dads demand more from boys than from girls.

Do not worry about this, the main thing is to love your children, love your wife (a good example for a girl) and, of course, do not forget about yourself.

In all likelihood, the father is closer to the child in spirit. As a rule, sons are more attracted to dads, although a huge spiritual connection between fathers and their beloved daughters is known. Common interests bring people together. Moreover, the frequent absence of the head of the family makes communication with him a real holiday for the baby.

Probably because the father does more indulgence to the child. mom demands more so she is in 2nd place

.... dad is more advanced in some important issue for the child ... usually it is a question of some kind of child safety .... astral safety ... technogenic safety .... the mother is not a dream about it ... the man is more well-read and the fantasy is more developed, he can assume and realize.

Probably only in the case when dad pays maximum attention, cherishes, never punishes). For a child, when he is small, who does not scold, who plays with him, he is beloved). Only with age, the child understands the value of mother's care and love ).

It is necessary to know both you and your husband well in order to give an answer that is at least close to the truth. First, it can only seem to you. Secondly, rejoice for your husband, he means a good father, and do not equal who the child loves more, especially with actions to win him back, and your reputation in the eyes of the child will grow. Raising a child is a shared affair, even when the parents are divorced. The priority of the little man arises involuntarily, based on concern for them, from the emerging respect. Look behind you. Maybe you are grouchy, scandalous or just constantly busy. In chm you are inferior to your husband in purely human qualities. Try to fix it. And remember that the child loves you from the very beginning, even if it seems that it is less than the father. And the manifestations of less craving than for the father are dictated by some of your mistakes. It is sometimes difficult to admit, but you should always start with yourself. And in no case do not be offended by the child, do not demand, because the child does not owe you anything. His love is your merit, not his duty.

Everything is very simple. Mom spends more time with the child, and as a result, makes the child do what he does not always want and what he likes, sometimes even punishes. And dad spends more time at work, outside the family, when he comes home it’s like a holiday, he brings gifts, then something tasty, plays and pampers the child. Therefore, the child is drawn to his father, but this does not mean at all that he loves his mother less. Just imagine what will happen if your child spends the whole day without you, I'm not talking about more time away.

In vain do adults try to evaluate the relationship between children and parents, in terms of the strength of the child's attachment or preferences. The child is not able to understand himself, and most importantly, he is completely far from evaluating his relationship with his parents, but the parents arrange serious competition for the object of their adoration. This is due to the fact that parents are not a family, which is a single organism responsible for raising children. It is the children themselves who suffer the most from this.

In many families, parents are often puzzled by the behavior of a little daughter, who shows much more attention and love for her father than for her mother. The little daughter tries to spend all the time with her dad, does not allow him to have a normal breakfast in the morning, does not let him go to work, goes to bed in the evening only in the presence of his father. At the same time, it seems that her mother simply does not exist for her, she is uninteresting and boring. This situation is quite common in families where a girl grows up. What to do with the "daddy's daughter" mom and dad and why did she become like that?

Father's daughter

It should be noted that such a system of relations with the father is an element of the girl's sexual self-identification. At the same time, a little girl may also have some attraction to her father and a feeling of competition in relation to her mother. This stage of the development of the girl is natural in itself and laid down by nature itself. Therefore, if you do not inflate the super-problem and treat the situation with understanding, then everything goes completely harmless.

Dad in such a situation needs to support the nascent femininity of his daughter in every possible way. However, at the same time, you should not allow your daughter to manipulate herself, otherwise it may adversely affect the development of the girl's personality. Excessively pampering, indulging in everything, giving gifts and only praising a child is not the wisest behavior of a father.

On the other hand, if the father reacts dryly to his daughter's attitude towards himself, if he tries to distance himself from the child, then this can also negatively affect the formation of her personality. Of course, it is necessary to adhere to the golden mean.

Why does the child love the father more?

Jealous of the child to the father is sometimes brought to the mother at an early age of the baby. And regardless of gender. Both tiny daughters and sons are much more interested in their father, they smile at him more, laugh, stretch their hands, and they perceive their mother with much less emotions. Why does a child love dad more at an early age? Usually the reason is the simplest - the mother spends almost all the time with the baby, so he perceives it as familiar and ordinary, or even as part of himself, but the father, who came home from work, falls into the category "interesting in everything that is unknown." In the same way, very young children can become very animated at the sight of a visiting grandmother, a doctor, guests, complete strangers on the street.

At a conscious age, a child loves dad more for the same reason - a male parent brings more new things into life, it seems less “ordinary”. In addition to this, in most families, it is the father who is the source of the coolest toys, the most beautiful outfits, but the mother, who is always there and therefore more involved in the educational function, is revealed to the child as a source of prohibitions and restrictions. It is not difficult to guess who, in this situation, seems to the daughter, and to the son, “good”, and who is “bad”. In other words: an honest little girl loves not her father or mother more, but a doll and ice cream.

How should a mother behave?

Try to assess the situation objectively. Don't compete with dad. Let him give Monster High dolls and let it raise his authority in the eyes of the child - there is nothing to worry about. Try to give your daughter the most valuable thing - communication, participation, understanding, women's advice, support from a friend, because your girl can discuss many issues only with you. Teach cooking, needlework, make a doll's hairstyle and a new outfit together. Do not show jealousy, do not ask “who is better - mom or dad” and do not present this question in a veiled manner. Show how important a good relationship between your daughter and father is to you and how important she is to you.

Accept your daughter's femininity and let her know that you are good, understanding about this. According to the principle: “you and I are both girls, and this is wonderful!”. If the mother is angry with her daughter for her behavior, makes claims and shows her displeasure, then this will only indicate the mother’s insecurity in her personal femininity and alienate you from the child.

For parents in such a situation, it is very important to show the child harmonious relations in the family, to pay attention to each other, to spend time together and separately with the child, and sometimes only together as a married couple. Do not be afraid to thereby indicate your status in the family. If a child observes tender and harmonious relations between parents, then he himself will soon learn the rules by which life flows and interactions in the family are worth. The crisis, which, as you thought, was threatened by the state of affairs "daddy's girl" will be resolved by itself.

Denis VU

I raised you, because of you I did not sleep at night! And you ... You ride the train .. "It inspired .. Moms react like this when they see that the baby is very happy about his father's coming, when dad is at home, the child wants to communicate only with him, and some manipulations are entrusted exclusively to his beloved dad.

Someone will say "thank God!" and will go to drink tea with cookies, and someone is really offended, jealous and in all seriousness thinks that the child does not like them. Let's figure it out!

1. Until the age of 5-6, we are talking rather not about love, but about affection. Love is a very complex and multifaceted feeling. Saying "I love you!" - the baby copies your words and behavior. Therefore, we will continue to talk about love in terms of attachment.

2. Right up to the age of 5-6, attachment in children is unipolar, that is, a child can be attached to only one person at a time. When dad comes, the vector of affection goes to him, so there is a feeling that "mom is no longer needed." It's just that a child's brain is not capable of processing many attachments at the same time.

3. At the stage of growing up, there are different periods when attachment is more to mom, then to dad. This is normal, natural and, in general, wonderful! At least there is an opportunity to exhale when the “mom period” ends. Girls at 4-5 years old often become daddy's daughters, and boys, on the contrary. But both boys and girls at 2-3 years old, passing through the stage of attachment by the type of similarity, copy the parent of their gender. It's very cute and funny when a daughter paints her nails like a mom, and a son hammers nails like a dad.

4. If you have serious jealousy or you are really upset when the baby turns around, runs to dad and stops paying attention to you, you need to look not at the child, but inside yourself. To your inner child. He is jealous, he feels rejected and unloved. A real child has absolutely nothing to do with it. And this is what needs to be dealt with. Ideally, your child is an object of unconditional love, that is, he should be loved just like that, no matter what he gives in return. And when you expect manifestations of love from him (this is always pleasant, the question is whether it is a need), when you want him to love only you, you are upset when he “rejects” you, this means that the child becomes the object of your projection . To put it simply: “I love you in order to receive unconditional love in return. The love that I missed so much as a child. When a child becomes projective, a lot of problems arise from this both in the relationship and in the future for the child, but this is a completely different story. In short, if you have a feeling of rejection when the baby calmly plays with his dad, you need to go to a psychotherapist and deal with your childhood, everything will be safer. And you are even happier.

5. If you are just a little worried about whether the child loves you, whether he is attached to you, I will answer briefly: absolutely! In all senses. Of course he's attached to you! And he loves you unconditionally, that is, the way you are. When he does not pay attention to you, playing with dad, see item 2. What to do if the baby selflessly throws himself into the arms of his father and disappears there for the whole evening? Rejoice! And go quietly drink tea with cookies.

funny video

2 year old loves to throw. Look what happened when his parents bought him a basketball hoop!

Have you ever asked yourself the question: “why do children love fathers more?” Why, when a husband comes home from work, your child flies headlong to him, throws himself on his neck and almost cries with joy? Even a very small child smiles at dad more often.

Let's think about this question.

One of the reasons lies in the mother herself.

The fact is that childbirth for every woman is the most important event in life. And it is very rare if a woman in labor does not overtake postpartum depression. Psychological studies have shown that 30 - 50% of women experience postpartum emotional disorders, some of which relate to postpartum depression varying degrees of severity. In a very mild degree, negative emotions can occur in 80% of women. The depressed state of the mother is directly reflected in the nature of her relationship with the child - for example, in impulsive and inadequate reactions, moreover, their inconstancy and unpredictability negatively affect the mother-child relationship and cause the child to have negative forms of behavior similar to the behavior of the mother. This problem is often reflected in restless sleep and in the difficulties of feeding the baby.

Also in this matter, your concern for the child plays an important role.

The first is hygiene.

An important component of the personal hygiene of children is the regular care of the skin of the body, oral cavity and teeth. This will help to avoid many infectious diseases and other health disorders. But does a child like it when you put cotton wool in his nose or ears, when you clean your mouth with soda solution or put a gas tube if the baby is not able to empty himself?

Secondly, it is caring for a child during an illness.

I doubt that any of the adults like the taste of paracetamol, but imagine the state of a child when they stuff bitter muck into his mouth! At the same time, you will hold him and calm him down!

Another is education.

Even if the child went to kindergarten or to pre-school classes, he was not required to do his homework every day, he was simply not used to it. Involuntary memory or attention - this is when a child, without noticing it, can remember the contents of an entire book - at six or seven years old they begin to fade away. And arbitrariness - the ability to force oneself to do something by an effort of will - is just being formed.

The child is now very unhappy. He has a mental load, and it is his mother who makes him print "storks" and learn the multiplication table, instead of playing an exciting game of hide and seek together or does not let him watch a cartoon?! Of course, your baby does not like it!

It’s just that children don’t understand that the mother does procedures and treatment not to offend him, but to help the child not acquire diseases and infections or get rid of them, if they have already appeared. And gaining knowledge is the key to his future.

Children perceive their father as a protector and benefactor, who does not torment like a mother, but pampers, rides on herself, etc. and for which it is so easy to miss, because your husband goes to work, and you and your baby are on maternity leave and constantly control him.

In general, if you want to change the situation, then divide the "torment of the child" into two. Let the father try to potty train the child with you, go to the hospital and, at least sometimes, do homework with the child. Spend as much time as possible together. And let's hope that everything will change, and over time the child himself will realize that all this was done only for his good.