If the lover wants to return. Why does an ex-lover want to rekindle a relationship?

Relations without obligations have a lot of advantages: you are guaranteed to be protected from showdowns on the topic: where have you been, who is this man, why do you not love me. But there is also a negative side.

The fattest minus is that these relationships can end at any moment, and you will not have the right to demand an explanation. If such an unpleasant situation has happened to you, you do not know how to return your lover, start everything from the starting point.

Don't think about what was

What was, is gone. All the best and not so good is left behind. And that's great. Now you are not constrained in funds, you can and should again take the situation into your own hands. Before you is a complete stranger, like many others. What attracted you once in it, and what did you hook it with? The man's behavior is very predictable. Therefore, if you manage to recreate the circumstances of your acquaintance, most likely you will be able to renew the relationship.

Release him from obligation

You broke up, which means that the guy stopped getting what you gave him. And it may not be about sex at all. On this front, everything is usually excellent. Most likely, the matter is in your attitude towards him. Usually, a mistress is turned on not only for intimate pleasures, but also in order to relax the soul. If you began to demand something from him, then you turned into a second wife. And why does he need new obligations? Did you understand your mistake? He is not your property. To return his love, you need to return lightness to the relationship.

Probation

Time-out. Give yourself and him time to think about everything. Are you idealizing the relationship too much? Then it is better to leave everything as it is, so as not to destroy the beautiful picture that you have drawn for yourself about this person and the relationship with him. Thank him mentally for everything that happened and did not happen in your life. How much is enough for you? Let it be a month, no less. Do not call, do not write to him, do not answer his calls, if there are any (oh, miracle!). You need to miss each other well.

Take advantage of the break

Psychologists say that unfinished relationships can be a great stimulus for your own development. And, indeed, why don't you take advantage of the break to make yourself even better. Does he neglect you? Make him jealous of himself that he had such a girlfriend, and bite his elbows that now you are not with him. As soon as everything starts to get better for you, a man will appear as if by a wave of a wand. And then you will decide whether to return the former or

Together, but apart - this can be said about couples who continue to work together after a breakup.

Anamnesis: office romance. Working together after a breakup?

Office romance is not uncommon. But, like any other relationship, it can end. This raises the question: how to work with the former together? How can a woman get through this difficult ordeal?

To work as hard labor

Just yesterday, this man was for you, firstly, your beloved, and only, secondly, a colleague. However, the relationship did not work out, and now you are forced to see him at work every day. For any woman in this situation, it is simply unbearable, especially at first. It is painful not only to stay all day near the object of love (or former love), but also the attitude of your colleagues around you to everything that happens. Among them there are always those who will gloat, smirking and asking you questions about your breakup. The problem will be deeper if this colleague is your ex-husband. How to act so as not to aggravate the situation?

Whether to ignore?

For most women in this situation, the decision immediately comes to mind to write a letter of resignation and start looking for a new job. She has no idea how to work with an ex-husband or boyfriend at work. However, not everyone can afford to be without income even for a short time.

A good salary, to which you are unlikely to be able to grow in a new job in a short time, as well as the team you are used to, can also keep you. The woman decides to stay in the same place, and in order not to suffer from the presence of her former lover, she simply begins to ignore him. But is this the right decision? Ignoring is not a way to protect. This is a sign of weakness.

How to communicate with an ex

The main thing in this situation is to choose a manner of behavior and communication that will clearly demonstrate your self-confidence, calmness and professionalism. By showing your self-sufficiency, you emphasize your independence.

Remember that now he is not your husband, lover or boyfriend, he is just a colleague and nothing more. And the fact that you communicate with the former means only one thing - this is your official duty. Do not discount the fact that he is in the same position as you, because he is forced to communicate with an ex-girlfriend.

There would be no happiness...

Any experience, no matter how negative, is very valuable. Now you will be able to tell from your own experience whether you need such relationships in your life at all and whether it is worth starting novels with colleagues. After all, if such relationships do not end in marriage, then they simply end, and then in the eyes of other colleagues you look like a “thrown”. Especially if you are acutely experiencing breakups and the situation has become unbearable for you. Let the office romance become a taboo for you, and then you will never repeat this mistake again. After all, from being together for several hours every day after parting is very difficult!

wedge wedge

In an attempt to forget the "old" love, women begin to intensively look for a "new" one. On the one hand, this is correct, it helps to switch from dreary thoughts to positive ones. But you should not deliberately demonstrate your new relationship in front of colleagues, because they can interpret everything in their own way and rumors will reach your ex-man that you “went into a rage” out of grief. Such rumors should not be allowed in principle. Just be yourself.

You should not start a new romance with another colleague in order to offend an ex-man.

Zero Attention

It is possible that your ex will start mocking you. This can be expressed in ridicule, gossip about you, details about your relationship. It can even turn into bullying. Whether you can handle it depends on the strength of your character. In some cases, being fired can be a real lifesaver. But try to pass this test with dignity.

Don't take credit for a single word your ex says if it's unflattering. Be glad that he showed his true face, because if you connected your life with him, you would get not just experience, but, possibly, a broken life. As for the rest of your colleagues, this situation can be used as a filter: those who have shown great interest in your romance and breakup cannot be trusted. More tactful and delicate colleagues will prefer not to comment on this in any way. You do not owe anything to your former lover, even if he is your boss.

And again betrayal

If parting with a male colleague was restless, with mutual reproaches and even scandals, then be prepared for revenge on his part. A man feels that you are still not indifferent to him, and can recoup on this. The most painful thing in this difficult situation is not his absolute indifference to you, but a new romance with another colleague. After all, you will find yourself in the position of the former, and she - the current one. He may show his attention to her too clearly, flirt, often visit her office, call her the same affectionate words that he called you. But do not take it seriously, because that woman is in the role of a weapon of revenge. The fact that they have real, sincere feelings, they still have to prove.

Remember: a smart person cannot be offended, insulted, or humiliated. Be ABOVE the situation, not IN IT.

If he is a former spouse

It happens. We work together, get married, and then get divorced, and no one wants to change jobs. What to do and how to behave with an ex-husband in this situation?

• First, at work, for all colleagues, you are a professional, not an ex-wife. Surely, even in those days when your colleague was your husband, you tried to treat him not as a husband during working hours. So now behave the same way, reducing everything to the performance of your work duties.
• Secondly, do not solve any general personal issues with him at work: the division of property, the upbringing of children, alimony.
• Thirdly, do not notify colleagues and your ex-husband, including new events in your life.
• Remember that you are at work.

The relationship will be incomplete if you continue to sort things out with your ex-husband. If conflicts begin to become frequent, and you are unable to control it, then try to at least transfer them to outside working hours.

No one is immune from an unsuccessful office romance. And if after the breakup you have no choice but to work with your ex-boyfriend or husband, then be patient and courageously overcome this situation.

Women, do you want to know why men meet with their mistresses and what not to do in order to maintain a relationship and not be humiliated?

If you become aware of his betrayal, the worst thing is if you do not react in any way and let everything go with the flow. If you think that, having given up on this situation, your husband's conscience will wake up and he will break off the relationship, then you are deeply mistaken. On the contrary, he will not even think about ending his romance.

Constantly sawing a man - for any trifle - is a sure way to his betrayal. A man can endure whims and discontent, but not for as long as you expect. As soon as his limit is exhausted, he will not find a more competent way out of the situation - he will leave the family or get a mistress.

You learned about the betrayal and made a decision - to let him decide for himself. And while he will make a decision with whom he is better, you will wait and will not make scandals. Error! A man will be very satisfied with your decision. Previously, he had to hide from you, but now you yourself allowed him to leave in the evenings to another woman. He will convince you that it is difficult for him to make a decision, he will drag out time for a very long time. And until you put him in front of a tough choice, believe me, he will not leave his mistress.

The worst way to deal with a mistress is to put pressure on male pity, to reproach him with the presence of children. Cry and try to show him that you and your children cannot live without him. In this way you will not keep a man. As practice shows, children do not stop a man from leaving.

Why are men so drawn to the side? Beauty, the appearance of a mistress - does not play a special role. Another disadvantage is that the mistress's requests are much higher than those of his wife. So why do men date lovers? This is because there are no obligations in this relationship. He can promise his mistress mountains of gold. But, as they say, to promise is not to marry yet.

Often men meet with their former lovers, why? Why do men date their ex-lovers?

All because the ex-girlfriend, mistress, is already well known to him. It will not be necessary to look after her, and spend priceless minutes. An ex-lover is a stage already passed, she knows that you love, she is aware that you are a married person. And, since she went on a re-romance with your man, it means that she accepts all the rules of this game.

Men meet with their former lovers in order to make life easier for themselves.

Still answering the question: “why do men meet with their former mistresses”, there is such an explanation. For a man, each of his ex-girlfriend is a victory, For which he has long given himself a cup. Therefore, when one of his exes rushes into his arms, a man’s self-esteem rises with lightning speed. For him, this means that he is an outstanding man who knows how to give pleasure and happiness to any woman. If she returned to him or she does not mind resuming the affair, then he is the best man for her.

For women, things are different. Every ex-lover is a reminder that something didn't work out in life. The former lover is living proof of her personal failure.

Women, if you found out about the betrayal, found out that your man has an affair on the side - find the strength in yourself to put the traitor out the door. Or do you want to continue living with a person who does not respect you and does not appreciate you at all?

“I am joyful, because I am a woman!” These are the words of Marilyn Monroe, in which lies the essence of a woman, her mystery, unforeseen thought, and much more of what we can only assume. In fact, a joyful woman can only be when she feels that she is needed by her loved one.

Only then does her noticeable angel wings open, the smile does not fade on her face, fun sparkles in her eyes. A woman knows that no matter what happens, her beloved person is near her, the one who will lend his strong shoulder at the right time, whisper “beloved” in her ear, caress and console.

A happy woman - is it really so?

“I want to be joyful” is the goal of every woman. But, alas, life is a tricky thing, and at any moment meanness, betrayal, slander, treason can fit into it. Be that as it may, even absolutely strong and happy relationships at first glance sometimes break at one moment.

At the moment, everything is turned upside down, the world no longer seems so “pink”, you don’t want to look your friends in the eye, and you withdraw into yourself.

In fact, you are guided by resentment, which you will need to cope with on your own. Tea life goes on and much more to come. Some start new relationships, others seriously think about their careers, begin to take care of themselves more than the former, in order to confirm that I was the one without which your life will turn into a continuous purgatory.

But it often happens that a woman begins to think about the question: “how to return a lover?” Chai life without him has become devastated, uninteresting. And, if every day is filled with work, then by the evening, when there is free time to reflect, memories of those days when you were together emerge freely or involuntarily.

And then the annoying “I want to bring him back, my lover” does not leave your thoughts. Is it allowed to return your man in order to become joyful again? Psychology on this account has its own assumptions, which I would like to acquaint you with and suggest how it is allowed to return a lover.

I am the best, I am a woman!

In fact, it is allowed to return a loved one, but only on the condition that you will do everything right. Do not run after him, ask and beg. The first thing you need to do is cool down. Try to positively realize why your lover threw you and how to turn him back now. What is the reason for your cliff and who is to blame for this - you or him?

At the same time, you don’t need to blame yourself - it relaxes and pushes you to the wrong behavior:

• Psychology recommends trying to awaken interest in yourself in your loved one. To do this, get together and take an excellent look at your reflection in the mirror - unbiasedly assess your shortcomings and superiorities. After that, take a radical step: eliminate the shortcomings, and emphasize the superiority! This is your trump card;
• Answer yourself the question, if you were in the place of your lover, would you like to start a new relationship with such a woman who looks at you in the mirror? What would you decide to do - break up, take a break and analyze your relationship, immediately call and beg for mercy, or little by little, so as not to hurt you, step aside? Such an easy test often makes a woman realize what needs to be changed in herself;
• Go to a beauty salon, get a new hairstyle. Visit a massage therapist. And after that, straight to shopping - change your wardrobe. Now you take a closer look at yourself again. Be sure that your lover will look at you with different eyes;
• All that was left was to meet him. But the meeting should not be intrusive. No need to call him and beg for a meeting. You need to meet him as if by surprise. But for this it is necessary to know where and when he will be in a certain place, preferably alone. If you really want to know how to win back an old lover, try to get this information.

Where to begin?

In general, relationships without obligations, including with a married partner, have their advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, you will not have “showdowns” on the topic: “who is this man with whom you spoke”, “where were you”, “why didn’t you come home on time”, but the thick minus of such a relationship is that your relationship can break at any moment.

And even in the event that this was not preceded by anything. Do you have the right to demand an interpretation of such an act from a married person? Chai he has a family, and there can be a lot of reasons for breaking off relations with his mistress. Therefore, trying to get a lover back from his own wife is only allowed if you return to the starting point again.

Remember the first minutes of your acquaintance and what hooked you in each other? If you manage to recreate all the circumstances of your acquaintance with him, then it is possible that your relationship can be resumed again. Remember, male behavior is pretty predictable.

Let go of the situation

If you feel that your relationship is slowly breaking up, you are starting to meet less and less, he doesn’t call as often as he used to, while he remains a valuable person for you, then you should think about a timeout in a relationship. Let go of the situation while keeping everything under remote control. How long will you last - a week, two, a month?

Do not write or call first. And if he does not call you himself during this period, then it might be cooler to leave everything as it is, so as not to spoil the picture you have drawn. Maybe everything is not so terrible, and when he misses you, he will invite you to meet.

Relationships without obligations - ease of communication

Analyze your behavior during the time you were together. Maybe you broke up because he no longer received what you gave him before. And this is not about sex. As usual, they get a mistress so that the soul can have a cool rest. Remember your first meetings - you were great for a couple, you could talk for hours and were not bound by any obligations.

But if your behavior regarding him has changed, and you have already allowed yourself to demand a lot from him, to reproach him for something, then why are you more classy than his wife? Does he lack commitment? You need to understand that a lover is not your property, therefore, thinking about how to return a married lover to yourself, you need to understand: in order to return your former relationship, you need to return to them the glorious ease of communication.

Transform yourself - you are a joyful woman!

Psychologists tend to think that an unexpectedly terminated relationship can beautifully stimulate self-development. So why not take advantage of the current situation. Transform yourself.

Make it so that he is annoyed for breaking off relations with you. As soon as you put everything in your life on the necessary shelves, then there will also be a place for a man in your life, and he will certainly make an attempt to fill it.

Then it’s up to you to decide whether to return the relationship of the man who dumped you, or simply remain friends, and start a new relationship yourself, with a new person and become joyful again. The one exceptional, for which a man will do everything in the world, if only she was with him. Good luck dear ladies!

Most of us made a promise to ourselves not to get involved with married men. However, not everyone was able to keep this vow. When you meet that one, the man of your dreams, you completely forget about everything. He is handsome, beautifully caring, attentive, and besides, he does not require momentary intimacy. Everything about him suits you, except that he is already married. By and large, very few women decide to say goodbye to such a man and break off any relationship. Some believe that one should fight for their love to the end, others decide to live only for today, to appreciate every moment spent with a loved one.

But this usually happens only at the very beginning. Sooner or later, a difficult time comes - a period of doubt and unpleasant thoughts. All the same, the realization comes that he is married, that you are only a lover, and that your destiny is to share the man of your dreams with his wife. Here and there are terrible bouts of jealousy. After all, the right of the first call and the first night belongs to the lawful wife, and not to the mistress. It is to her that he runs at her first call, spends weekends and holidays with her, but you can count on rare hours and minutes spent together. There can be no question of any vacation spent together, or at least a night. All this belongs to HER. Gradually, but inevitably, the question pops up in your head, will he soon leave his wife? This thought does not allow you to live in peace, it becomes an obsessive problem.

In this case, you can try to estimate your chances of success. One advantage for the mistress is the age of the married lover. It is no secret that after about thirty-five or forty years, men experience a midlife crisis, when they want to dramatically change their lifestyle, environment, woman, assert themselves, etc. If he is a mature man, and you shine with youth and beauty, it is likely that you will be able to replay the situation in your favor. The chances will increase dramatically if you, as a mistress, behave reasonably, and his wife behaves stupidly. For example, a weary, irritable, unkempt wife regularly “gnaws” her husband for various domestic troubles. The mistress, in all her arms, awaits the arrival of her beloved: a seductive outfit, skillfully made makeup, a romantic dinner prepared. In addition, she in every way pleases her lover, who is tired of the constant attacks of his wife (erotic massage, sexual games, etc.). And most importantly, she never asks for anything in return and does not complain about anything. Neither loneliness, nor the absence of a legitimate husband and children, despite the age that is no longer young, nor the fatigue from such relationships. Here one can only guess how much a woman can pretend to be a cute girl without problems.

According to statistics, if a man who has a woman on the side did not break off relations with his wife in the first year of “going to the left”, most likely he will never do this again. Often, mistresses try to notify their wife of their existence in the first few months, hoping that she will kick the missus out of the house, or he will leave on his own, unable to withstand her daily tantrums and scandals about this. Of course, if the wife turns out to be an intelligent woman, with a huge reserve of patience and restraint, then all the attempts and efforts of the rival will not lead to the realization of her ultimate goal. Nothing will come of it if the beloved actually loves his wife and is attached to their common children (by the way, most of these men). For the sake of momentary passion, he will not want to part with what he has built for so long (family relationships, the birth and upbringing of children). Such men can sometimes take a walk on the side, but it doesn’t go beyond that. But if in this case the man still goes to his mistress, just imagine what the price for such happiness will be.

Women strive to find a loved one, because we all need a strong male shoulder. Well, imagine if a married lover can be a person you can rely on in difficult times? Indeed, at this very moment, he is likely to be next to his wife.

Usually, the mistress does not immediately find out that she is not the only woman in the life of her lover. Moreover, a man demonstrates freedom with all his appearance and behavior. He is an unimaginable romantic, behaves like a free shooter and has a casual manner of communication. In the end, the woman will receive recognition that he is married, only it will be said as about some insignificant flaw in appearance, some kind of annoying hindrance. The lover will mention his wife as an inanimate object or as a distant relative. However, in this case, it is not worth delving into his account. The wife in the life of any man takes its rightful place, although it may have become unloved or tired of worse than bitter radish. She can also be loved and not so worn, just a man who was initially too loving got caught. Infrequently, but it still happens that, despite a long and happy marriage with one woman, a man meets, as it seems to him, true love, his soul mate, and goes to her. But such a case is rather an exception to the rule.

Very often, married men get a woman on the side in the hope of finding participation and understanding in her face. A wife is either a bitch who only does what she demands and makes claims, or a colorless and ordinary person who cannot understand the extraordinary nature of her husband, or she is a business woman, for whom her husband is in third place after work and fitness. For him, his wife is like the north pole with cold winds, frosts and hard labor, and his mistress is the warm south, where it is cozy, warm and good, because she is amazing, sympathetic, attentive and extraordinary. With her, he feels different, confident, strong, with a pair of wings behind his back. He has something to tell her about, and she will always find the right words and make a lot of pleasant compliments to him.

For a married man, the less a mistress tries to download rights, the more surprisingly she is nicer. Besides, how can she insist on something? Indeed, in contrast to the bitch wife, she is such a sensitive and understanding nature. After all, he lives in such difficult and unbearable conditions, he has to bear such a heavy cross. If the wife is not a bitch, then she is a hopelessly ill and nervous woman whom he, as a noble person, cannot leave. As an excuse for their own behavior, married men can say anything to their mistresses: about misunderstanding, about the lack of intimacy, and about how much they need them. In fact, most of them cannot frankly admit to women that they need them only to diversify or brighten up their gray everyday life.

A woman in love with a married man - today this is not considered shameful, this is an absolutely personal matter of everyone who is allowed into her bed. Society reacts absolutely normally to such relations. The main thing for a woman is that she loves, and let everything else burn with a blue flame. Love is such a delightful feeling, for which it is worth closing one's eyes to the humiliating position in which she finds herself, being the mistress of a married man. Despite this, such relationships are a source of emotional trauma. No matter how good it is with a married man, no matter how he praises her dignity, a woman still feels second-rate, because a man still has the first place. She is a wife, which confirms the reality: spending evenings in constant expectation of the arrival of a loved one or his call; he promised to meet his parents, but so far he is not rushing things; he intended to carve out a week for a joint vacation at sea, but he spent the whole vacation with his family; after each meeting, he quickly gets up and leaves without spending an extra ten minutes saying goodbye. A series of seemingly insignificant, but tenacious humiliations sooner or later undermines and corrodes her personality. Awareness of one's own inferiority and inferiority is deeply eaten into consciousness.

For most women, a lover is, first of all, a loved one. But it also happens that there is no love in such a relationship. In this case, it can act as a sponsor. Since the woman did not find a soul mate, one can favorably treat albeit married, but wealthy men. Such a lover will pay her bills for an apartment, groceries, purchase things and other necessary things, "bring to the light", introducing her to friends, often unmarried.

A woman can have a married lover "for the soul." Usually these are women who have been married for quite a long period of time, tormented by everyday life and family problems (they need a lover to escape from reality) and women “under thirty”, who have long crossed out all plans for their own personal life. For them, it is important just to be needed by someone.

Sometimes such a lover acts as a kind of "daddy" - this is far from being a young married man who has got himself a young and pretty girl. In addition to her full content, the “daddy” gives her life advice, teaches her “life”, introduces her to the right people, and later looks for a young and promising guy for her and marries her. Everyone is happy.

Lover "for health", in this case, the woman is deliberately looking for a married man for sex. No obligations, purely "business" relationship.