Constant scandals with my husband. Divorce, or can everything be fixed? How to stop scandals in the family

A scandal in the family is unjustified expectations. Some allow you to let off steam and refresh relationships, others destroy them. Tired of constant scandals and insults? Does your other half not understand you? Do you get the feeling that your loved ones are bringing it on purpose? I will tell you how to regain love, understanding, build harmonious relationships, and begin to enjoy family happiness.

Scandals in families

Scandal in the family, quarrels often arise because of little things: uncleaned dishes, dirty shoes, scattered socks... In fact, the problem is hidden under a heap of everyday problems. Simply clarifying the relationship will not achieve anything, but will simply fray your nerves. Often, the goal of a quarrel is to win: “I’m right!”, “It will be my way!”, “Do as I said,” this puts loved ones in the trenches of hostilities. There is an enemy, before this there was a wife, she attacked without declaring war. You have been “Betrayed.”

Moreover, a loved one did this, you trusted, you were open, then it’s a stab in the back. All the secret, tenderly guarded mistakes of the spouse are taken out of the nooks and crannies of memory. They begin to fly at the enemy like projectiles, with the goal of causing as much damage as possible. “You didn’t clean it there,” “You didn’t do it here,” “You didn’t say it there,” “You didn’t look at it that way.” In response, you also receive a whole heap from the “Grad” system, destroying the “Family, Love, Mutual Understanding” quarters of the city.

How is it for you?

STOP, STOP, STOP. Ask yourself questions: Why are we fighting? What will a scandal give me? If you start answering: “Because...”, STOP! The question is not “Why do we quarrel”, but “WHY”, “What is the purpose of the scandal?” This is why it is important to think before a family scandal - what kind of reaction are you looking for? To be understood, heard, seen how painful you are? Of course, you want to convey your point of view, prove that you are right. What you WANT and what YOU ACHIEVE are two big differences. Do you agree?

Do you often say unpleasant things in the heat of a scandal, trying to hurt your feelings? After all, you know the most vulnerable places of your loved ones. It’s like banging your head against a wall, saying, “That’s right. It's clear?!". Nothing good has ever come from such actions and never will. Everyone’s own rightness in the scandal is the stumbling block, the cause of discord. I'll ask again. Do you want to convey to your spouse that you were hurt by hurting your loved one? Where is the logic?
Feeding poison to another and saying “It hurts me.”

What would you do?

Imagine, a person you respect calmly, with a sincere desire to help, turns to you. He patiently, citing examples from life, without condemnation or edifying tone, explained his position and told what did not suit him. And let’s not make a secret of this, you may not understand the first time, this is normal. The brain is designed in such a way that many, many people understand the third, fifth, even 150 times. But they understand. This is how our perception system works. This is fine. A person you respect explained, told you, a second, a third, 150 times. Agree, you will be grateful to him for his patience and desire to convey information.

What is the difference between the first approach and the second? On target. In the first, the goal is one's own rightness. In the second, the goal is mutual agreement.

Do you want to become like this?

Feelings require constant work and the ability to find a compromise. However, remember: sometimes it's better to walk away. There is strength in weakness. I received a letter from Alexandra, who found herself in a really difficult situation. With her permission, I will publish it here. Can you find similar features?!

"Hello! I am 26 years old, I have a son from a previous marriage (he lives with my parents). I live with my common-law husband and his mother. No girlfriends, only his friends.

When he comes home after work, he immediately sits down at the computer and plays or drinks beer all evening. If I’m dissatisfied with something, I’m bad (even if I’m right). I do everything, I try to please him every day, but he absolutely does not want to help. Besides, he doesn’t want children, he says it’s a huge waste of money and, in general, he’s young.

We fight almost every day. Scandals arise out of nowhere... I am very sensitive, I am easily brought to tears. He changes, as soon as I start crying: he swears, insults me, says he wants to get rid of me, raises his hand... And when I almost faint, he again becomes caring, calms me down, strokes me...

Yesterday I asked to go see my son (I rarely ask). He agreed, but when they returned, he became furious again. It got to the point of a nightmare: he started kicking me out of the apartment, demanding money for taking him to my son (although I never asked for money for the child). Tell me, why does my boyfriend do this? I love him very much, he is wonderful, but sometimes... I would appreciate your help!”

Answer: The main thing I can say is that there is nothing good in this. Most likely, the man is prone to violence, believes that he has the right to humiliate, punish, and perhaps enjoys it. A woman’s tears can make him feel powerless; he doesn’t know how to react, what to do. And, losing control of the situation, he becomes furious and aggressive. If the guy doesn’t want to change, his behavior will get worse and his outbursts of aggression will become more frequent.

End of example.

What do you think? What would you do if you were Alexandra?

Remember: Your feelings are only yours. Friends and relatives can give advice, but their words should not be significant. The reason for the scandal is often general fatigue, problems with children, lack of money, personal space, living with relatives who add fuel to the fire...

Was it like this for you?

Words are deposited in the soul, accumulate... Then an explosion occurs because of a trifle. “Mom is right, my husband doesn’t care about me at all, he doesn’t appreciate me, he didn’t say a nice word today!”, “Mom was right, my wife should go out with her friends all day long, she’s only interested in money!” To find the main reason for dissatisfaction with your loved one and relationships, it is better to consult a psychologist - an adequate view from the outside will reveal the truth under a layer of emotions.

If constant scandals arise in the family, what to do? I’ll give you some tips that were developed in resolving conflicts of many couples in consultations.

Before starting a quarrel because the husband was late from work or the wife did not clean up the house, take paper, pen and answer in writing:
Have you been offended? Pinched? Didn't you listen?
How? How? In what specific actions of the spouse did they see this?

The answers will help you figure out what you really want. Write it down directly: “You offended me because... It hurts me.”

As a result of a family scandal, draw up rules and try to follow them. Important: the rules must be constructive and explain what needs to be done. For example: “I suggest you immediately say when you don’t have enough attention, so that I give it to you.” The rule “You don’t need to tell me what you’re unhappy with” would be absolutely meaningless, even annoying.

It may be difficult to strictly follow the rules the first time, but we are not robots. But by repeating, trying, you will become better, closer, conflicts will be resolved easier, there will be fewer quarrels.

Do you want results?

Be patient. A rule, like a child, takes 9 months to enter your life and change it.
She is not an enemy, but a friend, you are on the same side. The quarrel will pass, the insult will be forgotten, but the feelings will remain forever.

From experience I can say: behind frequent scandals in the family lie deep emotional problems. Your loved one often lacks your attention, love, and understanding. He suffers, feels sorry for himself, gets even more worked up, so he flares up at the slightest provocation. If you dream of a happy family, mutual understanding, sign up for a consultation - I will listen carefully to the problem and we will definitely find a solution together with you.

The spouse is constantly angry, often without reason, gets worked up over every little thing, and is rude, as a result of which life together becomes more and more unbearable every day. And yet, despite this, you still live together because you love him and don’t want to leave him. But it is no longer possible to live with constant scandals and quarrels. How to prevent a quarrel or reduce it to nothing?

Living life is not a field to cross. This phrase can also be applied to family relationships. It is no secret that there are simply no families in life in which quarrels between spouses never occur. It's unpleasant, but true. Moreover, this phenomenon is inevitable. Only some couples may not talk for a long time after a quarrel, while for others this phenomenon results in a huge scandal with breaking dishes. By the way, quarrels tend to arise out of nowhere (due to garbage not being taken out, dirty plates, dirty socks scattered around the apartment, or just ordinary fatigue, jealousy, etc.). Regardless of the cause, conflicts arise constantly, as a result of which people argue regularly and vigorously, and then greatly regret it. Why is this happening? And what should you do in this case?

Causes of quarrels.
In our dreams of married life, we imagine it as a passionate and romantic relationship throughout our lives. But in reality, life makes its own adjustments. Over time, romance evaporates from the relationships of people who once passionately loved each other, giving way to endless everyday problems that put so much pressure on one’s nerves. And at one point, a couple may quarrel over any little thing so much that they consider divorce the only way out of the current situation.

Constant quarrels and showdowns with her husband have a depressing effect on the body, cause depression and insomnia, reducing performance and quality of life. And the reason for this is the inability or unwillingness to give in or compromise with each other. We respond to aggression with aggression, anger, shouting, swearing - everything is used to prove that we are right. After everything calms down, often most couples cannot even remember the reason for the raging scandal, regretting and lamenting their inability to keep their own emotions under control.

Very often, the reason for aggressive behavior on the part of one of the spouses lies in his past. Namely, if such behavior was the norm in the relationship of his parents, then one should not be surprised that the person will behave in exactly the same way. He simply has no example of other behavior, without shouting, noise and scandals. He wasn't taught this. Another common reason for aggression on the part of one of the spouses in a relationship is low self-esteem, when the other tries to assert himself at the expense of one.

Some factors, such as ordinary stress, illness, constant fatigue or physical discomfort can provoke an outburst of rage even in a very calm person. I won’t go far, for example, everyone knows the state of exhaustion after a hard day at work, especially in the summer heat, when your head hurts terribly and your whole body aches. At such moments it is quite difficult to be in a friendly mood.

It also happens that aggressive behavior arises on the way to the implementation of plans, when the other half creates obstacles to this. For example, he is very tired and wants to go to bed early, but you want to go to a club or movie and you drag him along with you. It is not difficult to guess that in most cases this situation ends in a strong quarrel.

Very often, a spouse takes out on his other half the grievances that were inflicted on him by someone else. For example, he received a “good” scolding from his boss, someone took his car’s usual parking spot in the parking lot, they were rude in the store, etc. As a result, for all this, he takes his anger out on his beloved woman, who fell under the hot hand. And in retaliation she simply answers him in kind. It is precisely because of such trivial moments that families most often break up.

How to avoid a quarrel?
Of course, you can find plenty of reasons to be angry. But each person has their own reaction to this, and most often it is relatives and friends who suffer. What to do then? How to deal with often causeless aggression and outbursts of rage without taking it out on loved ones?

It should be noted that even if spouses have been living together for decades, they still remain different people. It is impossible to do as your other half wants all your life. And that's okay. In this case, conflicts in the family are inevitable, but they can arise very rarely or take place in a milder form.

Remember, never, even if you have a very strong desire to prove that you are right, do not quarrel with your spouse in the presence of relatives, friends, or simply in front of strangers. Inevitably, they will have to take sides in your conflict. And it’s not a fact that it’s on yours, especially if these are relatives and friends from your husband’s side. This will only fuel passions. In addition, you will put your friends in an uncomfortable position. In this case, it is better to calm down and postpone the conversation until a more convenient moment. In a calm state, having rethought everything, the cause of the conflict will be looked at from a different angle.

If a quarrel cannot be avoided, in no case should you use insults and humiliate your husband, because a man’s pride is oh, how vulnerable! Such behavior can encourage the faithful to search for someone who will appreciate and respect him. And he will always be able to find one, no doubt!

To prevent a quarrel over a trifle, it is important to discuss every sensitive issue with him in a timely manner, without being afraid, to lay out everything that worries you. But you also need to “lay it out” wisely, having prepared in advance and clearly formulated everything that you intend to tell him. Only after this can you start a sincere conversation.

Before you throw accusations at your spouse, think about whether your spouse is really to blame? Maybe his action isn’t worth a damn, maybe it can be calmly experienced and forgotten? Very often, because of any trifle, we women work ourselves up too much, and then in a rage we throw out everything that has accumulated on a man. Therefore, it is better to wait a few hours before talking. Maybe, having calmed down, you will understand that the reason is not worth quarreling with your loved one.

If it is usually your spouse who starts a scandal, try to talk to him frankly, heart to heart, to find out the reason for his such behavior. Perhaps this is what he expects from you. If you do not dare to have such a conversation, it is likely that he will find someone with whom he will be frank. And then he will go to her altogether. Forever.

Sometimes the reason for a husband's nagging and temper can be something specific. By observing it, you can figure it out and fix it. Well, if your husband is annoyed by literally everything, maybe then you should live apart for a while. Sometimes this helps, and relationships between spouses who have taken a break from each other begin to improve again.

In general, in order for quarrels to arise in family life as rarely as possible, it is important to immediately arrange family life and build communication with your loved one in such a way that any unpleasant mistake by each other seems like a trifle and can be calmly experienced. You can do some kind of sport together. This will not only relieve unnecessary stress, but will also benefit your self-esteem and your relationships. After all, nothing brings people together like a pleasant pastime.

The woman herself plays a big role in the frequency of family quarrels. Value yourself and don’t allow yourself to be humiliated or raised your voice for no reason. Maybe your confidence and ignoring his violent attacks will weaken the negativity splashed out at you. However, negative emotions should not be addressed to him, and mocking notes should not slip into his tone of voice. Try to praise your spouse more often, but to the point, appreciating his merits. Try to accept the existing shortcomings graciously.

If a quarrel does happen, learn to reconcile correctly.

Reconciliation after a scandal with her husband.
Before you try to improve your relationship with your husband, you should wait a little to give him the opportunity to calm down and cool down yourself. It is necessary to comprehend everything, understand what happened, and only then act. For many women, starting reconciliation first, especially if their husbands are wrong in a conflict situation, is something prohibitive and unworthy. However, there is nothing wrong with taking the first step towards reconciliation. And if you are the initiator of the conflict, this must be done!

If the other half is not yet in the mood to enter into a dialogue with you, you should not put pressure in this case. We should give him a little more time, let him cool his ardor. If, as you think, he has been sulking at you for too long, you can write him a letter, putting on paper everything that is difficult to say in person, looking eye to eye. And when the moment of personal communication does arrive, you can let in not only kind words, but also gentle touches, strokes and kisses. This will perfectly defuse the situation and relieve the tension that inevitably arises at the beginning of the conversation.

If the spouse continues to remain silent for several days, you should use more original methods, for example, prepare a surprise. Just don’t need to use sexy lingerie or erotic games in this case. Winning your husband's goodwill through sex is not a good idea. A man may take this as an insult, because this is an open hint that the animal instinct of the strong half of humanity dominates everything else. And it looks, to put it mildly, vulgar. In this case, even if a man falls for your seductive behavior, after sex the irritation will return to him again. And everything will start all over again.

A romantic dinner for two can be a great surprise. It doesn’t matter at home or in a restaurant, with quiet music, you can whisper words of love in his ear, tell him how sorry you are for what happened, that you want to forget it all as soon as possible. Finding the right words at such a moment will not be difficult. In such an environment, it is unlikely that any man can resist.

In general, you should talk more with your significant other, find out in a calm and interested tone what’s bothering him, talk about your love, which needs to be protected, and not destroyed by daily quarrels over an unwashed plate or the garbage that hasn’t been taken out.

Many people believe that scandals arise by themselves, spontaneously, and nothing can be done to stop them. To learn to avoid conflicts with your loved one, you need to work a lot together on this problem. Ten rules for preventing scandals between two loving people will help you understand the complex mental processes that are the cause of inharmonious relationships in the family.

1. Reasons

There are a huge number of reasons for scandals between two spouses. The most common of them are scandals due to jealousy, scandals over money, scandals due to drunkenness, because of work, because of sex, because of intentionally caused insults, and others. Depending on the reasons why you are used to sorting things out every time and talking to each other in a raised voice, you need to figure out how to stop the conflict and agree on how not to start it again. It is quite easy to formulate the reasons for the scandal on your own. Anyone can understand that you are fighting out of jealousy if the scandal started because of a lipstick stain on his shirt. It is more difficult to determine the deeper causes of scandals that are hidden in the psyche of your partner and speak about mental reactions and inclinations.

All causes of scandals should be divided into primary (deeper psychological causes) and secondary, that is, those that are directly related to the topic of the scandal. It is safe to say that all the primary causes of conflicts are selfish, since a non-selfish person thinks more rationally and finds ways to resolve all issues, taking into account the opinions and interests of the partner, and therefore predicts any situation and does not lead it to open conflict. Hidden selfish reasons include the habit of making scandals as a way to achieve one’s goals. Also, the most common hidden reason for many scandals may be the desire to dominate a partner, when the second partner during communication tries to take a dominant position, and if this cannot be done peacefully, then he switches to communicating on emotions. The hidden cause of scandals can also be revenge, as an attempt to start a quarrel over some offense.

Usually, if a partner makes scandals out of habit, he does not achieve anything after the end of the scandal, but simply periodically creates scandals on various occasions with the conviction that if a scandal is not created over any problem, then the problems will increase. The wife, who is scandalous out of habit, has been scolding her drunken husband every time for many years simply because of the incident. She believes that if she does not scold him, he will drink even more. That is, the scandal in this case, according to its initiator, is a deterrent to big problems. A girl or guy who argues out of habit because of jealousy will never miss a single occasion when there is an opportunity to express their dissatisfaction with their partner’s behavior in society. This happens because these types of conflicts are not created intentionally, that is, they arise on their own as a result of strong emotional resentment, the reaction to which is difficult to contain, just as it is difficult for a child to restrain his tears when he is deprived of his favorite toy.

Scandals are deliberately created to achieve certain goals. For example, if a spouse asks to buy her a fur coat, and the husband refuses to do this, the woman throws a tantrum, the ending of which should be the husband’s agreement to fulfill her demand. Usually, the one who starts this type of quarrel successfully achieved all his goals with the help of screams and hysterics, and this way of resolving issues became a habit and became the main tool for achieving results. This type of habit of conflict differs from the previous type of habit of arguing without results, but for the sake of indignation itself, in that in this case there is a goal and an expected outcome of the conflict. Often such conflicts occur with the use of blackmail, threats and even assault.

Scandals created by partners in order to show “who’s boss” are usually not as specific as the previous ones and concern issues of the partners’ general behavior and lifestyle. During such quarrels, both spouses begin to go through all the cases when their other half behaved incorrectly, point out each other's long-standing mistakes, shortcomings and information from the past that is compromising them. An example of this type of scandal could be the wife’s dissatisfaction with the fact that the husband is resolving with his mother the issues that he should resolve with his wife. The wife will quite logically claim the primacy of her voice in family affairs, that is, she will fight for dominance. Such scandals more often than others lead to proposals to separate, get divorced, and start looking for new partners.

2. What to do?

If you really decide to put an end to scandals, you need to be patient and prepare for quite a long and painstaking work, since you will have to change your habits developed over the years and the habits of your partner, which are enshrined in the mind as ways of self-realization. All thoughts that you can simply suppress the desire to argue about various problems must be discarded, and forget that this problem can be solved easily. It is best to solve it together, but the main thing is not to create another scandal by trying to solve the problem with scandals.

Different causes of scandals require different approaches to eradicate them, so it is necessary first of all to correctly identify the hidden causes of quarrels between you. Secondly, during the next showdown, you need to try not to get carried away by emotions and claims, but to reflect on how your quarrel usually develops. Try to notice and analyze who most often initiates the conflict, how the quarrel begins, to what degree of tension it reaches and how it ends. Try to feel the state of your consciousness during the scandal. Try to understand whether you can end it at any moment, and for example, suddenly start kissing, or whether your brain enters such a state that it cannot stop until it spills out all the emotions, and the partner at such moments is unpleasant or even disgusting to him.

The brain acts independently, and during a scandal it is difficult to keep it from aggravating relations, since it quickly finds the necessary arguments to parry the partner’s remarks, activates strong-willed qualities, and at the moment of resentment, forgets and considers everything that happened between you before to be unimportant. In emotional outbursts, he may not skimp on insults even towards very dear and close people, commit meanness and rash acts, and so on. When a person comes to his senses after such violent scandals, he sometimes finds it hard to believe that this happened to him. Of course, it is best to learn to control your consciousness and, by intuition, stop it at the moments when it starts up for another indignation and conflict. In this case, you need to learn to control your consciousness and try to manipulate your beliefs.

For example, if your husband refuses to look for a new job and decides to work at an enterprise where he is paid a salary that does not suit you. In such cases, the wife, convinced that there is not enough money and she needs to force her husband to go to another job, starts another scandal on this topic. The driving force behind such a scandal is the belief that a quality life can be found where there is a lot of money, and a woman’s dreams about how this money can be spent. Often such beliefs and dreams are associated with the impression that these imaginary purchases are one step away, and the main thing is that all these purchases are more important than anything else in the world and without them life practically loses its meaning. Here you can try to look at the problem differently and convince yourself that many people feel great without any purchases, that they can be made gradually and not in the near future, but a little later. One can imagine that there might not have been any highly paid work at all, and in that case there would have been no reason for scandals. This manipulation of the brain's beliefs can help get rid of the obsession with getting everything as much as possible and as soon as possible.

If you can’t master your consciousness and just restrain yourself and you can’t convince yourself, you can try to take your brain out of its habitual reactions by replacing some habits with others. For example, if your wife is used to achieving her goals through scandals, you need to stop this practice forever and together develop the habit of achieving goals in other ways. For example, tell her that if she starts a scandal, she will definitely not achieve anything. After several failed attempts to achieve something through a scandal, she will most likely understand that this method no longer works, at least with you. You can agree together, instead of achieving goals through swearing, try, for example, to achieve them through sex or something that the second partner most desires. Such a compromise can help each partner get what he wants.

You can try to get rid of the habit of scandals in the family by showing your partner that his scandals lead to nothing, but are simply part of the general way of life. Start marking on your calendar all the days when you fight and why. Talk about whether scandals help you solve the problems you are trying to solve with them. Agree to punish the partner who decides to cause a scandal next time. For example, you can punish him by depriving him of money to buy something he is interested in. You can agree to make love whenever it comes to conflict. One of the most effective means of dealing with constant squabbles is a method in which partners agree to fulfill each other’s demands without waiting for pressure and emotions. For example, if your spouse demands that you not drink alcohol, your spouse should stop doing so. Indeed, it is difficult to fight scandals by constantly fueling them with your behavior, so experts recommend reducing conflicts by reducing those actions that cause resentment of your partner.

With scandals related to finding out “who is in charge in the family” and whose decisions are decisive, you need to work a little differently. If you argue in such a way that no one gives in to anyone, then you can establish a priority in this matter, and then both partners will give in to each other in conflicts in turn. It will gradually become clear that in most cases, it doesn’t matter who makes the decision, but scandals occur because both spouses are simply accustomed to fighting for dominance and simply do not know how to control themselves and control their thinking and emotions.

It should be said that scandals due to jealousy in cases where partners are not really cheating on each other and are not looking for adventures on the side are normal, and it is not at all necessary to get rid of them. It doesn’t matter for what reason your other half is jealous of everyone, it is important that the very fact that the brain is worried about this indicates that her brain is focused on your person, who is of the highest interest to him. Such strong attachment and dependence is a great success, and it is stupid to fight the feelings of a partner who loves you as much as perhaps no one will ever love you.

If your conflicts arise from mutual insults, revenge or irritation, then there is only one way to stop them - simply stop insulting each other, taking revenge and getting irritated. Such behavior is directly related to the natural savagery of the brain, which, being at a certain stage of evolution and possessing a certain set of individual properties, sometimes gives out uncivilized desires. Children at school are constantly in conflict, fighting, calling each other names, because they do not have clear beliefs about their behavior, have no experience in resolving ethical situations, and do not have the skills to manage their emotions. When children become adults, they compete and sort things out without insulting and humiliating others. This is called growing up. That is, if you do not compliment each other, but insult and humiliate each other, then you just need to grow up.

3. Conclusion

Scandals in the family sometimes reduce relationships to constant squabbles on every issue, discontent and reproaches. In such conditions, it becomes increasingly difficult for each of the partners to understand each other, it is more difficult to communicate, and as a result, the spouses avoid communicating with each other. Scandals in the family are often the main hidden cause of drunkenness, problems in sex life, health problems, as well as the cause of infidelity and divorce. The brain tends to aggravate the situation so intensely during scandals that stopping them requires the help not of a specialist psychologist, but of the police. It is not advisable to leave the issue of scandals unattended.

15.12.2014
R. Efremov
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How to avoid scandals in the family is a pressing question. Is it worth tolerating the constant showdown? Why are you and your spouse arguing? We will answer these and other questions right now.

What to do if scandals arise in the family

First you need to learn to stop all attempts to make trouble. Surely you feel when the situation is heating up to the limit - that’s when you need to try to prevent a quarrel. Sometimes it is enough to simply remain silent in response to a sarcastic remark, rather than immediately start shouting. Wait until your spouse calms down, and only then start talking to him. Ask him what irritates him so much - in a normal environment it is always easier to achieve mutual understanding.

Try not to quarrel in the presence of children, even small ones. A child, if he does not understand everything, then certainly feels everything. So, if you feel that a scandal is brewing in the family, then try to do everything to prevent the child from witnessing this. Yes, sometimes it’s not easy to contain your emotions, but it’s better to send your baby to a neighbor or grandma and figure out the existing problems yourself.

The following method is quite interesting, which allows you to reduce the number of scandals in the family. Come up with some kind of punishment for the one who initiates the scandal. For example, let the guilty person wash the dishes or buy groceries at the supermarket for the whole family. Believe me, this will help you learn to restrain your emotions and control your behavior.

If you often argue with or without reason, you can contact a family psychologist - this is what many couples do. And you don’t need to think that this is abnormal - in fact, psychologists really help husbands and wives achieve mutual understanding on many issues. If your spouse does not want to go with you, go on your own - you will still learn a lot of useful things.

If family scandals have exhausted you, you can agree to live separately for a while. In 5-7 days you will think about the current situation and be able to be more tolerant towards each other.

What should you do if you feel like you are about to scream and start a scandal? Situations can be different: you may be tired at work, money problems will accumulate, or you will feel unwell. In any case, try not to bring all this into the family. Go outside and just take a quick walk. Breathe some air, cry, calm down and return home. Remember that your family is the most precious thing in the world, and therefore, do not destroy it, but take care and appreciate it!

If quarrels and scandals in the family have become part of your everyday life, then it’s time to act and do everything to normalize your relationship with your spouse. Is it possible? We are confident that, thanks to our advice, you will be able to succeed in solving this problem.

Think about what affects your spouse’s mood? Maybe it's you or the circumstances that cause unnecessary stress. Very often we see only the flaws of other people, but we do not notice our own shortcomings at all. Therefore, try to analyze your behavior too - whether you are the initiator of scandals.

It is quite possible that the reason is not in you, but in life circumstances. The spouse may have problems at work, but he can only take out his anger within the walls of his home. Of course, you have absolutely nothing to do with it - your husband shouldn’t transfer his work troubles onto you. But try to understand your spouse and help him. Just talk about what is bothering the man. Perhaps you can give him some good advice or at least just reassure him.

Many men are simply choleric by nature. They quickly become irritated and raise their voice. As a result, a quarrel arises. What to do in case of scandals in the family? If yelling for any reason is quite normal for a man, then you will not be able to force him to change. Especially when it comes to temperament, which is formed already in the first years of life. However, you can persuade him to act and even quarrel according to certain rules that you should discuss in a calm atmosphere.

If you notice that scandals began to arise in your home relatively recently, then this is a reason to contact a psychologist with your husband. There is nothing wrong with this - a specialist will be able to help you hear each other and understand the relationship. By the way, today many people turn to doctors with such problems, since stress has begun to accompany us almost everywhere.

How to get rid of scandals if they happen when your husband drinks? Everything is simple here - you first need to get rid of alcohol addiction. Coding, contacting a psychologist, and a frank conversation with your spouse will help here.

Remember that scandals in the family are not as harmless as they seem. During a quarrel, passions can become so intense that the situation becomes dangerous for your life. Know that you do not deserve such an attitude, and therefore, if there is no way to re-educate your husband, simply break off the relationship. It will be better for him and, especially, for you!

How to improve family life and avoid scandals

Every couple has scandals in their family, and there is no need to panic about it. It is in your power to make your relationship with your husband as warm as it was in the first months of your acquaintance, even if scandals have recently plagued you. Read on to find out how to do this.

First, answer one simple question: why do scandals happen in your family? Yes, there can be many reasons, and now we will try to figure out what to do for a woman who is faced with this or that problem.

If your husband abuses alcohol or drugs and your scandals are caused by this, then the question of how to improve family life is not worth it at all - first you need to cure the person. You are unlikely to succeed in this on your own, but with the help of specialists you will achieve success. Contact the doctors as soon as possible and send your husband for treatment. You should not believe that a person will cope with the problem on his own. When your spouse gets rid of addiction, your relationship will definitely improve.

If you have lost interest in each other, then you need to look for a way that would help you rediscover yourself. You can think about how to diversify your intimate life, how to change your daily routine, how to spend your weekends, what you want to change in your destiny. After all, scandals in the family indicate that both of you are not satisfied with the current state of affairs.

Try to find activities to do together. Sign up for dancing, foreign language courses, start running in the morning, start renovations and choose wallpaper for your rooms together. In general, you can come up with a lot of interesting things!

If you or your spouse need time to make a decision regarding your future relationship, simply agree to live separately for about 5-7 days. During this time, you will have time to think about everything and even miss each other.

Friends and relatives will help you improve your family life and put an end to scandals in the family. Let them talk to your husband and tell them how smart and beautiful you are. After this, the spouse will think about his behavior.

Spend more time with your children if you have them. Go to the park, zoo, cafe, walk in the fresh air, play football, badminton, read books out loud. It is very important to feel like one friendly family. We hope you succeed!

We wish you a happy family life without scandals in the family!

© Oksana Chvanova
© Photo: depositphotos.com

Subject - Scandals of the House » Eleven Wise Tips for Anti-Scandals.

1) You need to understand: in quarrels or scandals, no one can ever prove anything to anyone. “Can you really prove anything to him?!” This applies equally to each participant in the quarrel, since a negative emotional impact blocks the ability to accept, agree, take into account, understand, i.e. it stops the work of thought. This means that there is no need to try to prove something when one of the parties is in a state of negative arousal.

2) If you want to learn how to avoid scandals and quarrels, first you need a conscious refusal to quarrel, elevated to a principle. In practice, it transforms into setting your entire behavior towards this refusal - persistent, persistent!

3) If it just so happens that you, unnoticed by yourself, find yourself drawn into a quarrel, the main thing is to remember: you need to shut up! Do not demand from the “enemy” - “shut up!”, “stop it!”, but from yourself! It is easier to achieve this from yourself than from others.

4) Silence makes it possible to get out of a quarrel. It’s simple: for a quarrel, for a conflict, for a scandal, the participation of two parties is necessary, and if one disappears, who should you quarrel with?

5) If neither participant is inclined to stop the conflict, both are quickly overwhelmed by negative emotional arousal. His tension is rapidly increasing. In such a “dialogue,” the mutual reactions of the participants only add fuel to the fire. Negative emotional arousal in one person can never reduce the same arousal in another, they only mutually reinforce each other. To extinguish this excitement, you need to remove what reinforces it. That's why someone needs to shut up.

6) Silence should not be offensive to your partner. If it is tinged with mockery, gloating and defiance, it can act like a red rag on a bull. In order for the scandal to stop, you need to silently ignore the very fact of the quarrel, the very negative arousal of your partner, as if none of this happened!

7) You should in every possible way avoid verbally stating your partner’s negative emotional state (“Well, I’ve reached into the bottle!”, “Why are you nervous, why are you angry?”, “Why are you angry!”), since this only strengthens and strengthens it.

8) You can stop the quarrel by calmly leaving the room. But if you slam the door or say something offensive before leaving, you can cause an affect of terrible, destructive force. There are known tragic cases caused precisely by the offensive word “towards the end”.

9) If you are silent and your partner is inclined to view your refusal to quarrel as capitulation, it is better not to refute this. Pause until it cools down. That is, the position of the one who refused the quarrel should completely exclude anything offensive or offensive to the partner, so that nothing reinforces his negative emotional arousal. The winner is not the one who leaves behind the last striking attack, but the one who manages to stop the scandal and prevent it from happening.

10) Children adopt our attitude towards quarrels and scandals. And to peace. War can only be defeated by renunciation of war. We need to teach children to give up quarrels. And this is achieved primarily through the power of adults’ own example.

11) Quarrels, family scandals and conflicts at school - all this also turns into children's fears, a feeling of hopeless deprivation, neurotic development, psychopathy and sociopathy, feeblemindedness and desocialization, including death... Too expensive a price for our desire in a quarrel - to hurt more painfully !