The psychology of good relationships: is an ideal romance possible? Relationships between a man and a woman « Relationships Relationships kiv.

Many couples, trying to correct a not-so-rosy situation in their relationship, turn to psychologists for help. And they often do not even suspect that the reasons for the disagreements most likely lie in their own wrong behavior. On what basis is the psychology of a good relationship with a loved one built? Let's try to find out the answer to this question.

Psychology of good relationships: the main principle

They say that in love, one always kisses, and the other turns his cheek. Oddly enough, the success of your relationship with your chosen one will depend precisely on compliance with this principle. Psychologists have defined this rule more precisely: “give” and “take” - the ratio of these concepts should be uneven, and the roles in this game may change.

If you try to explain it in simpler terms, this is the case. A man, “giving” something to a woman, automatically makes her dependent on him, obligated to return it. A woman, “giving” something in return, automatically exaggerates the size of her gift, again upsetting the balance and driving the man into dependence. Relationships continue until there is balance.

Psychology of good relationships: rules of communication

So, what exactly needs to be done to make the relationship, if not ideal, then at least good?

• If your couple does not have real mutual feelings, it is unlikely that you will be together for a long time. Therefore, do not try to build relationships on pure calculation or because of some other reasons. Fall in love - and building a strong couple will be much easier.
• You both need to be completely honest and sincere with each other. Nobody forces you to turn your soul inside out: it’s enough just not to arouse mistrust.
• Partners must understand that sometimes compromises must be made. During quarrels, do not try to make trouble and stubbornly defend your point of view. Couples who are able to talk calmly during disagreements and come to a common solution that suits both have a much longer “lifespan.”
• There is no need to adapt to the hobbies of your loved one. It's great if you have common interests. And it’s good when these interests are different - absolutely identical people will always be bored together.
• Plan the time you spend. Try to be together every minute of time free from work and responsibilities. And you don’t need to spend your evenings watching TV - better go for a walk! Or buy cinema or theater tickets, organize a romantic dinner - there are plenty of options.
• Create your own calendar of memorable dates and celebrate each one together. You can even come up with your own “family” traditions. Try to give your loved one pleasant surprises and gifts more often, even if they are just small things. Believe me, even the most unromantic man will be pleased with such attention. And he will try to return this attention to you a hundredfold.
• Be sure: constant doubts tend to come true. If you are terrified of the end of a relationship, it will happen. Better be positive.

The three pillars on which good relationships are built are:

1. Love
2. Correct behavior during disagreements
3. Constant giving back

Reasoning on the topic of whether it is possible for a woman to love two men at the same time or harmonious living.

Before starting my discussion on this “sensitive topic,” I want to make a reservation that I will not argue from the point of view of the morality of our illustrious society. I will not argue from the point of view of treatises written on this topic and use them, but I will only share my experience and vision of this issue from the point of view of my own understanding. Let me say right away that my understanding stems from personal work practice, leading body-oriented groups, open communication with different people, and simply personal experience and understanding of what has developed from 2001 to the present time. Questions about harmonious relationships between a man and a woman puzzled me just as much.

When I say the word woman, I mean feminine energy, and I describe its correct work, again, correct in my opinion. So, these arguments will cause indignation, misunderstanding, etc. please be outraged and argue in the comments.

And so, in order to understand whether a woman can love several men at the same time, you need to understand that a woman by nature does not make decisions. Everything comes to her, everything happens to her. And therefore, she can simply wish for something, want it and wait until it is sent down to her from above, and while waiting, she must remember to make herself happy and do everything she likes. So that waiting for her would be a painful matter for me, and at all not like waiting. Because “waiting” is a figurative concept, you just need to live your full, rich and happy life and give a request to the universe, and even, as it were, forget about it. This is how waiting should be – without waiting (it’s a pun, but I hope everyone understands).

And so, for example, a woman is ready to live, love, give birth and realize her feminine nature in a couple. She makes this clear to the universe by communicating with her through thoughts, emotions, dreams, which are reflected in her behavior, sometimes conversations, smell, etc. Those. It turns out that the woman is completely ready to develop high-quality relationships, and she knows how to love by default.

Be in love- means to understand, accept, saturate, look in depth and understand what this particular person (man) needs. Again, I’ll make a reservation, the ability to love cannot be addressed at all to any individual person, it simply fills all the space around and everyone who finds themselves in the field of a loving person, either unwillingly or willingly, will feel it. Loving does not mean at all being kind-hearted, or kind at all, no, love can take absolutely any form that another may need, but this is a separate topic, I wrote here, for a minimal general understanding of what I am talking about.

So, a harmonious woman, ready to meet her man, completely fills her field with this readiness and love, and men begin to react to this field, fall in love, make friends, communicate. And usually in nature it cannot be that there will be only one, there are just several or more of them at once. Then you remember, a woman does not choose, she loves and waits. Well, here’s an oil painting, she loves several men at once. From the point of view of morality and ethics, she begins to have problems if she does not know that it is simply not possible to do otherwise.

How do such relationships usually end in terms of harmony? A man makes decisions. And when a man is finally ready to start a family, take responsibility, he shows that he offers something, takes proper care and leaves no one else a chance, closes the circle of intimacy, love, tenderness and sexual harmony on himself. And the woman moves into a new state of accepting the one who made a choice in her favor and remains happy in the right couple for her.

Of course, it is difficult for me to explain all the intricacies of this process. I understand that there are now many questions and objections. For example, such as: how is it that a woman does not choose? A woman can certainly choose, but remember we are talking about feminine energy and she actually does not choose. A circle of men whom she really loves forms around her. Others do not fall into this circle or she simply does not get close to them. And the man she loves may already be ready to start a family with her, and at that moment she will no longer be looking for and attracting someone else to her, because she got what she needed.
This is what I described as harmony.
But at any stage a failure can occur. And the failure occurs through the intervention of the mind, which, in turn, has been stuffed with a certain set of “right and wrong”, “dos and don’ts”, and “decent and not decent” since childhood. Every self-respecting person necessarily faces his desires, his true nature - to be desired, loved, etc., which runs into a wall of the above garbage in the brain. And now harmonious relationships are, of course, difficult to achieve.

Now, if you think about it, how do we find out what we like and what we don’t like, for example in clothes, we simply begin to choose, try on, try to wear and we gain experience in choosing the color, quality of fabric, style, material from which it was made, etc., etc. And in the end, over time, having all this experience behind us, just by looking at a thing, we can definitely say whether it suits us or not, whether it is ours or not, etc. Yes, everything is simple here, there are no prohibitions on gaining experience and acquiring your own taste.

Now let's look at some of the common myths about gaining experience interacting with men. The first common myth: “He will appear out of nowhere, like a prince on a white horse.” And sometimes a girl continues to suffer from loneliness for years without leaving home and continues to believe in this myth. Probably everyone knows the famous joke about Rabinovich, who prayed to God to win the lottery. And God couldn’t stand it, looked out of the sky and asked Rabinovich to buy a lottery ticket so that he, God, would have at least one chance. Yes, indeed, men are attracted and appear, but you must not forget about your part, you must not hide the fact that you want this, and in general, at least go to places where they can see you, and you can see them. A woman “simply must” live an interesting, rich life and shines like the sun, only from happiness.

And I also want to highlight an important problem: many people are simply afraid to gain experience in communicating with the opposite sex. This happens for several reasons:

Reason 1 – I don’t really want to, because it’s painful and unpleasant (i.e. previous negative experience interferes);

Reason 2 - internal fears, about what he will think about me, I have no experience and I don’t even know what to say;

Reason 3 - it is not decent to communicate with men, several at once, and build any kind of relationship, even friendships. And many, many other things interfere with the proper functioning of feminine energies.
Thus, the necessary experience of communication and recognition of beings of the opposite sex, their needs, rapprochement with them for a harmonious existence, through self-built barriers, is postponed into the completely foreseeable future. But there is no experience, no understanding on such important issues:
How to meet?
What to talk about?
What does the other want and what does he need?
How to create close, trusting relationships?
How can we ultimately be truly happy together?
And these are not all unstudied questions that have no answer if there is no experience of interaction with the opposite sex.

At one time, I was faced with a whole mountain of fears and the same exact questions about communicating with the opposite sex. I started by studying and mastering simple communication. Not for any purpose, but just like that. And over time, I began to make friends, and I gained ease in communicating with men. I didn’t want them to like or dislike, just by being myself and setting myself the goal of learning to communicate, I always knew that I could find something in common in the conversation that I and the other person liked. In general, there is no need to focus on the fact that a person is of the opposite sex at the beginning. This is just a person, just like you, with his own interests, goals and soul. And in the beginning, you just need to understand whether you have common interests, topics and whether you will not be bored together, and on this solid foundation of common interests it will be easy to build friendship, but if you still suddenly like each other, how men and women, then the rest will begin to happen by itself.

Yes, of course, in order to achieve ease in this matter, at one time I took a wonderful course on communication. I’m making a small digression on this matter. We are taught at school everything except the main and important thing - the art of communication, and this is a completely separate topic. Indeed, the reason for many is the lack of ability to communicate and the lack of understanding that this can actually be learned.

And also an important stage in my understanding and experience were Tantra trainings, which consisted of OSHO meditations, paired meditations on recognizing and feeling the other without words, conscious meditations, which helped to better understand myself and much, much more. At such trainings I gained my first experience of deep communication with the opposite sex. By deep, I mean understanding the soul and feeling close to other beings, regardless of gender. Understanding and experience that they have their own needs, their own fears, and much more, which also does not allow them to freely express themselves and be who they are. It was in such groups that I was able to overcome my fears and prejudices and see reality as it is, or as it was more suitable for me to build harmonious relationships. At the trainings, you can gain experience in approaching two or three men at once, gain experience in understanding who is suitable and who is not suitable, in general, understand a lot of what you need about yourself and your partner, gain personal experience that will not weigh you down on shoulders.
And in conclusion, I want to thank you for reading my reasoning to the very end. And I certainly invite you to come to trainings on Tantric meditation. I would like to simply study, practically, independently and in trainings, such an issue as communication and mutual understanding. Live! Have fun! Go to different parties, hikes, dances, yoga - socialize and generally live a full, rich life, for your pleasure, and in your life everything will definitely happen as it should. Good luck and harmonious relationships. 😎

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Friendship and good relationships are what many people dream about. Warm connections with other people bring moments of happiness and can help in difficult times. But how often it happens that we, unfortunately, cannot find a common language with people, or even communicate normally! And there are also people, after talking with whom, we literally shake with anger, hatred, indignation. What is the psychology of relationships between people? How to build good relationships in a group, in a team, with friends of your husband/wife, and even with your own acquaintances and friends? How to learn to easily make new friends and not lose old ones? Find answers to these and other questions in the text below.

How strange, at first glance, are the relationships between people that are formed: one person really impresses us and becomes a friend for life, another we don’t like at all, we don’t understand and condemn his actions, and the third one generally seems abnormal, with whom we communicate in principle is impossible, and enmity may even form between us.

Why is this happening? What is the psychology of human relationships based on? It seems that this question requires thousands of answers, because all people are different, which means that as many people there are, there are as many possibilities for building relationships between them. But it is not so. If you master system-vector thinking, it turns out that building personal relationships with other people is always predictable and fits into a constant, unchangeable system. Knowing this system, you can easily, literally at first glance, understand what to expect from a person, with whom there will be positive communication, and what to do if you meet an absolutely unpleasant person.

Psychology of good relationships

Every person is a bundle of desires. We all constantly want what will bring us joy, pleasure, happiness, big or small. The simplest animals have simple desires - they want to eat, drink, procreate, and that’s it. Man is more complex; we have many desires, not just one or two. And only the whole complex of a person’s desires determines him, that is, gives him some external manifestations: he chooses a job to his liking, gets involved in certain activities, and even listens to the radio wave and watches a program on TV only in accordance with his desires. Despite the fact that it seems that people have thousands and even millions of desires, this is not so. There are not so many of them and all of them have already been studied.

To understand well the psychology of human relationships, it is enough to study only 8 vectors - all desires are combined into an exact system.

Friendship and generally good relationships develop only between those people who are fully or partially connected by the same desires. We are also drawn to those people whose desires are complementary to ours or greater than our own. But those people who have contrary desires are unpleasant to us and we often simply do not hang out with them. And if you have to meet, for example, work in the same team, study in the same group, ride on the same bus, live in the same apartment, then this leads to tension and hostility. And, as a result, to constant conflicts, resentments, irritation, and therefore stress, psychological tension and psychosomatic illnesses.

For example, there are people for whom it is very important to have a quiet environment and they prefer silent company - these are people with a sound vector. And there are opposite people with an oral vector, who constantly talk, often very loudly, on topics that attract the attention of others. Such people are unlikely to be friends and are often in the same company.

The psychology of good relationships is to understand yourself and your desires. And also to understand others not through yourself, through your values, but directly - as they are. This means correctly assessing the situation and, at one glance, determining what kind of relationship you might have with this particular person.

Psychology of emotional relationships

The team, relationships with people are a very important aspect of any person’s life. And literally from the cradle, when the child goes to kindergarten, and until old age, when old women communicate on a bench near the house, not having the strength or opportunity to go further. It is among people that we ourselves are worth something, our lives are filled with joy and happiness. Therefore, loneliness is in no way an alternative to a real relationship.

If you can't build a good relationship, don't despair. If friends sometimes disappoint us, we quarrel with acquaintances, do not understand colleagues, etc., this is just a hint - it is necessary to understand the psychology of relationships between people.

Psychology of relationships between children and adolescents

Quarrels and discord often arise between adults and children or adolescents due to a simple misunderstanding of each other. And no matter how difficult it is to accept, very often it is the adults, and not the younger generation, who are to blame for such a sad state of affairs. We judge them by ourselves and make a mistake, because in childhood and adolescence the psychology of relationships with peers develops differently.

If you are interested in the topic of psychology of relationships between children, read these articles:

If you are interested in the topic of the psychology of teenage relationships, read these articles:

Psychology of friendships and love relationships

To build good relationships, to make friendship a pleasure, to understand the psychology of a person’s relationships, you must first understand yourself. Yes, yes, precisely in yourself, and not in others. This is especially important if you constantly meet negative characters along the way: brawlers, gossips, nervous people or sadists... They all indicate that something is wrong.

Equal always attracts equal. Developed, realized people, as a rule, are surrounded by the same characters. But if we ourselves have some anchors, problems, then we attract the same people. Thus, skin-visual people prefer to stick together when they are afraid, for example, going to horror movies or walking through the forest at night when they are scared. Such friendship does not bring real pleasure, and we stick to our comrades, rather out of nervous tension. Moreover, such communication increasingly leads into fears, phobias, and often even victim behavior, from which it is very difficult to escape. So, if a person with grievances finds another person with the same grievances, then they can sit at home and be offended until the end of their days, and the grievances will only get worse.

True friendship, good relationships with people are the greatest pleasure, and it does not arise because of problems, but quite the opposite. For some, such good relationships develop naturally. But if they are not there, you shouldn’t be upset - you can learn this.

To build relationships with people, you need to start with understanding yourself

It is very important to change yourself, understand yourself, develop, then life will seem to attract good people. It would also be good to determine at first glance who suits us in terms of worldview and life attitudes.

If you want to learn more about the psychology of relationships between people, read articles in the library. In addition, you can listen to several free, exciting lectures on psychology that take place online (the full course of lectures is paid). To register, click on this banner:

Be careful - the psychology of virtual relationships

The Internet is an amazing, new space in which you can not only find information, but also build relationships. Today there are already a lot of couples who met and spent many hours together virtually. Here we find friends, communicate on forums and social networks, exchange news and jokes. It is on the Internet that we build qualitatively new relationships, forgetting about some of the features of the psychology of virtual relationships.

There is something in relationships that we do not attach importance to, but which plays a very important role. These are smells. It is by smell that we intuitively navigate people. We say that we liked a person “at first sight,” although in fact it happened precisely “at first sniff.” Taking a closer look, we often notice with our eyes that a person is not so beautiful, but at the same time, we like him. And it also happens that a person is visually attractive, but we don’t like it at all. This is due precisely to the subtle, elusive odors that we feel, but are not aware of it.

In most European and not only European countries, the tradition of spouses sleeping in the same bed has been around for a very long time. Of course, this was often due to a lack of living space. But the main reason for a common bed is the possibility of communication between spouses. After all, communication is not only conversation and not only sex, these are hugs, caresses, gestures, touches, some signs and habits that are understandable only to two people.

Spouses who, for some reason, agree to sleep in different bedrooms lose a lot. They deprive themselves of the very intimacy that makes people feel like one. In addition, often a shared bed is the only place, and night is the only time when spouses can talk alone. After all, during the day they have work, children, a lot of problems that urgently need to be solved, and when the spouses go to different bedrooms in the evening, they gradually break the threads that once led them to marriage.

After a divorce, people who have slept together for years feel their loneliness acutely at night for a long time. The psychology of bodily contacts has been studied rather poorly. But it is known that after intimacy, it is psychologically important for people to continue contact, both during the period of falling asleep and during sleep. Embrace They have a calming effect on the human psyche, help to fully relax and create a good mood the next day.

The pleasure of sleeping together, or rather the lack thereof, is one of the reasons why you should not date a married man. - this is a problem. After all, after meeting him, the woman is again left alone and goes to bed alone, while knowing that he is now sleeping with his wife. While a free man, even if he is not yet ready to live together, easily stays overnight. By the way, he is ready to spend the holidays with his girlfriend and he does not need to lie to his wife on the phone that he is now at a meeting, etc. But this is true, by the way.

Reluctance to sleep together is an accurate indicator that the family will soon fall apart. Even if the spouses continue to sleep in the same bed, but at the same time try to lie away from each other, interfere with each other and experience irritation, it means that love has died and separation is not far off. Perhaps they won’t get divorced, but will simply start sleeping in different bedrooms under the pretext that their partner snores or they can’t get enough sleep together before work. In any case, what remains of this couple can no longer be called a family.

Therefore, you should always remember that your bed is a temple of love that belongs only to you and you need to take care that it is beautiful, cozy and comfortable not only physically, but also psychologically. This means that you should under no circumstances talk about business or sort things out in bed! Partners must be firmly convinced that only pleasant things await them in bed, then the marital bed will become the key to a long and strong relationship.