What should children do at home? No matter how parents dream of getting help around the house early, unfortunately, children are not born with such skills

Many parents often protect their children from any household chores. Is it correct? Will a child be able to appreciate someone else’s work if he doesn’t make a little effort doing anything around the house? After all, household chores create in a person a sense of responsibility and care for the people around him.

Parents often, in their desire to comprehensively develop their child, enroll him in foreign language courses, art clubs, and sports clubs. But they are not assigned to do housework, because they do not consider it necessary or deliberately protect them from everyday difficulties. As a result, the situation reaches a level where convincing children to clean at least their own room will be completely useless.

Study. According to research by sociologists, 82% of adults surveyed in Russia did housework when they were little. But only 28% are ready to entrust such work to their children. Parents prefer to keep their children busy with activities that guarantee them success in a future career, but do not burden them with household responsibilities. However, it has long been known that housework not only makes a child more organized in life, but also has a positive effect on the psyche and academic success.

By transferring certain household responsibilities to children, adults help them develop greater self-confidence and independence. Studies have shown that children who helped their parents from the age of 4-5 were more sociable, quickly made friends, and studied well at school and university. Their peers, not burdened with household responsibilities at an early age, who began helping around the house from adolescence, did not climb the career ladder so quickly.

By helping the family, children learn to be more responsive, understanding, kind, help others, and take care of their relatives. If children refuse household chores under the pretext of a heavy workload at school, they should not be completely relieved of household responsibilities. By allowing a child to refuse responsibilities at home, parents involuntarily form a certain attitude in them: grades at school are more important than attention to the family. It may seem like a small thing now, but over time you will see your mistake.

You can motivate and direct your child to do household chores based on the following recommendations:

1. Be careful with your words. According to psychologists, gratitude to children should be expressed in a non-formal phrase, for example, “thank you for your help” (it will not be enough). Thank your child by calling him a good helper: “You are such a good helper.” Not only will he have a desire to do something around the house again, but his self-esteem will also increase, he will feel that it will be really harder for the family to cope without him, he is useful and important to his family.
2. Remember the routine. When creating a schedule for your child’s activities - lessons, music, language courses, sports, recreation - include household chores in it. This way he will feel their importance and will develop a responsible attitude towards them. And this is how you teach your child to discipline.
3. Game tasks won't hurt. You can try to develop a whole quest system for household chores. By completing each of them in a row, he will sequentially move on to more complex ones. For example, wipe the dust off the table, sweep the living room, then a more interesting task is to turn on the washing machine :).
4. Monetary rewards should not be used. According to psychologists, material rewards worsen a child’s motivation. He will already consider his help from a mercantile point of view - without the desire to help his parents, but only with the goal of getting money for it. We also read: .
5. The type of activity you give your child is of great importance. In order not to raise an egoist, it is worth choosing activities for the child that will be necessary for the whole family, and not just for him. Along with putting things in order in your room, you can entrust him with washing the dishes and dusting the living room.
6. A commanding tone is out of the question. It is better to soften the imperative mood in a conversation - not “remove”, but “let’s remove.” It is important to emphasize that this is not a boring and difficult task, but an opportunity to take care of your loved ones.
7. Positive coloring for household chores. You should not assign any homework to your child as punishment. Talk about homework in a positive or neutral way. By constantly repeating words about how difficult it is to cope with household responsibilities - how tired you are of washing the floors or vacuuming - you will show your child an example that he will take into account. And then he won’t like doing it either. It is better to focus on taking care of the home and maintaining cleanliness for the benefit of the comfort of all family members.

For some reason, it is believed that life ends for people after fifty. That they no longer need anything for themselves, so they can give everything to the children. I don't think so. On the contrary, when the children have grown up, it’s time to live for yourself. You've already spent your whole life worrying about your children, now let them take care of themselves. I myself have two children. When I graduated from college, I stopped helping them. Of course, they periodically visit me asking for money, but on principle I don’t give it. Why on earth? I don't need money either. I’d rather go somewhere with my wife or buy a new TV, or something else. And so I did a lot for my children. I fed them all my life and gave them an education. Now I think that my parental duty has been fulfilled and I can finally live for my own pleasure.

Lyudmila, 33 years old, administrator

I am exactly the same child who was helped by my parents all the way. And I am very grateful to them for this. I simply couldn't have done it without them! They helped me with housing and got me a job. Now they sit with my daughter while I earn money. I don’t know, maybe someone will say that I’m spoiled, that I’m sitting on their neck. But it seems to me that it is right when people in a family help each other. Today I need them - and they came to my aid. Tomorrow I will start helping them if necessary. This is good! They helped me with work, now both parents are retired, and I help them with money. In my opinion, this is the height of indifference - not to do anything if your loved one needs support, including financial support. There is no way to justify this. After all, now I am already a completely independent woman, and I could say that my parents should rely only on their pension. But I love them, and they love me, so we simply have to help each other.

Tatyana, 43 years old, economist

No matter how caring parents are, sooner or later their child will have to solve their problems on their own. And you need to prepare your son or daughter for this. Parents must give their child the necessary skills in making money, teach him to endure life’s troubles with steadfastness, and make him independent. And if you constantly help, pay for every whim and intervene at the slightest problem, your child will not learn anything. And then you will have to hit a lot of bumps before becoming a truly adult person. It is better if these bumps are filled in youth, when the same parents, as a last resort, will come to the rescue. This is why I try to raise my children to be as independent as possible. My son has been working part-time since he was 15, and my daughter also studies and works. I haven’t given them pocket money for a long time. My friends tell me that this is cruel, that I am depriving them of their childhood. But it seems to me that I am doing exactly the right thing. By the time their peers begin to take their first independent steps, my children will have already achieved a lot.

Nina 48 years old, manager

In our country, helping children is not a whim of overly loving parents, but an urgent need. We simply do not have the opportunity to get a normal job with a normal salary immediately after college. Well, no one needs yesterday's university graduates! Specialists with work experience are needed everywhere, but where can yesterday’s student gain this experience? So it turns out that first you need to work for pennies, and only then look for a good place. But youth is the most active time in a person’s life. It is in their youth that people start families and have children. Under no circumstances should you refuse this - time will be lost, and the person will forever remain lonely and unhappy. So, unfortunately, you can’t do it without the help of your parents. And we should not assume that our children are incapable lazy people who cannot achieve success in life without parental support. It's not about the children, it's about the system! My daughter entered university this year. She is a talented and efficient girl, but how can she live without my financial support? She is a full-time student, so she cannot get a full-time job. She works part-time, but gets very little for it. And the scholarship is generally ridiculous money. Of course I help. I am not my child’s enemy and I cannot allow my daughter to quit studying.

Oleg, 54 years old, driver

For some reason, we are accustomed to the idea that “all the best goes to the children,” so parents bend over backwards to feed their over-aged idiots. And then they wonder why their child grows up to be selfish. But there is nothing surprising about this. If a person is accustomed to the fact that everyone in life owes him something, why will he suddenly start thinking about others? From childhood he was taught that he was the navel of the earth, that everyone cared only about his well-being. I can't count how many of these I've seen. Healthy men don’t work, they sit on the necks of their retired parents, who no longer have any money or health left. At the same time, the “child” believes that this is how it should be! After all, that’s what parents were given to feed him all his life. Such people don’t even think that their elderly mom and dad need help. What for? Their main task in life is to provide comfort to their offspring. Not long ago I was giving a ride to two grown girls and accidentally overheard their conversation. We discussed where to get money for a vacation. So, one of them quite seriously assured the other that the parents were simply obliged to pay for the trip. The argument was ironclad: “What should they spend it on if not on us?” This young lady didn’t even think that her parents might have their own desires. That they also need to rest from time to time. I am one thousand percent sure that when this girl's parents can no longer help her, she will immediately forget about their existence. Since the source of income has dried up, there is no need to think about these people.

Sergey, 50 years old, entrepreneur

Of course, you need to help if the child needs this help. This is necessary not only for an adult son or daughter, but also for parents. Well, how can a normal person calmly watch how his child lives from hand to mouth, how his grandchildren are forced to grow up without diapers, good baby food or toys! This can drive you crazy! Personally, I love my children and want to protect them as much as possible from everyday troubles. I don't see anything wrong with this! I bought an apartment for my daughter and son. Simply because I have such an opportunity. I don't see any reason why I should let them wander around in removable corners. My children will not be better off if they have to starve or live in a shack. They are not spoiled at all, they are decent and responsible people. And I don’t understand how, for example, having your own living space can affect this. And why do I need money? Am I going to take them to the grave with me? I am pleased that my savings will help my children. In the end, it is for them and for the sake of my grandchildren that I work. I myself don’t need much - if only I had a place to live, there would be something to eat. And my funds will be very useful to them. And I'm pleased with that. I would like my grandchildren and great-grandchildren to live in our country house. I would like for them to say one day that we inherited this house from our great-grandfather!

No matter how much parents dream of getting help around the house early, unfortunately, children are not born with such skills.

Of course, you want your child to wash the dishes and make the bed, and to do it without reminders and with high quality. But, unfortunately, most parents make many mistakes when trying to instill thriftiness and neatness in their children, and then they wonder why, at the age of 10–12, their grown-up child is not eager to go to the store or take out the trash, but prefers to play “tanks” around the clock. or sit on VKontakte.

It happens differently

When the baby tries to help his mother, but she has no time to work with him, explain, show him. It’s easier to say: “You’re still little, go play, and I’ll do everything myself.” Or even worse, “Just don’t touch, you, as always, will do everything wrong, break it, break it...”.

And when the age comes when they need to help around the house (adults believe that this is approximately 10–12 years), children’s requests from their parents only cause a negative reaction. It turns out that we ourselves cultivate laziness in our children, and then we become indignant, where did they come from?

When and how?

There is no clear answer as to how and at what age children should be taught to help their parents around the house. But this does not mean at all that you need to protect your child from homework until the age of 10, when it will be unthinkable to teach him to perform basic self-care activities, not to mention anything more.

A child can perform the simplest household chores at 2–3 years of age. Watching from birth what mom and dad do, children try to help, imitate, and be useful. And our task is not to miss this moment and teach the child to work at a simple everyday level.

Don't make mistakes

In general, any aspect of raising children requires a lot of patience and strength. It’s the same here - it’s much easier for you to water the flowers yourself, because then you don’t have to wipe the spilled water from the windowsill. Meanwhile, by the age of three, you can easily entrust this responsibility around the house to your daughter or son.

At 4–5 years old, children are quite capable of cleaning their room, vacuuming, and washing the dishes.

And by the age of 10, daily helping parents with household chores should become as routine as washing your face in the morning.

When your child turns 18, he will need to be able to cook a few simple meals, wash and iron clothes and linens, and do a complete cleaning of the house.

Even if this is not the quality that you provide, he must definitely master these techniques.

Cleanliness: innate or acquired?

No child is born clean - this quality needs to be nurtured, just like other positive qualities. Your most faithful allies in this matter should be encouragement and praise. And also - warmth, understanding and love for your child.

The tips that we will bring to your attention below should help you raise a clean and tidy heir, and if it happens that time has already been lost and the desire to help your parents has not appeared, try to correct the situation.

Promotion

Starting from a very young age, encourage children for their feasible contribution to the common cause. Even if you have to redo everything later, praise it, and next time don’t refuse if the baby takes the initiative again.

Do everything together

If you are fiddling around in the kitchen, for example, with dough, let your child help you (by the way, almost all children love this fun). Let him try to mold, roll out, and cut out cookies with a cookie cutter.

Buy a children's broom and dustpan for your little helper so that he can clean with you.

Look around - there are a lot of household chores that even such a baby can handle, of course, with your help. If something doesn’t work out for a child, it’s better not to interfere until he asks for it.

Desire is valuable, not quality of work

Don’t scold your child if he expressed a desire, but then refused and quit the lesson without finishing it. At this age, children do not yet know how to concentrate on one thing for a long time.

Praise him for the part of the work he has completed. When your baby is 6–7 years old, you can make a list of daily chores for him and hang it on the refrigerator as a keepsake. Having completed one of them, he will be able to remove the sticker or cross out a line in the note with a sense of accomplishment.

Until your children are older, don’t assign them difficult independent tasks. Later, you should set a time by which, for example, cleaning should be done: by 12.00 on Saturday. If the child has not taken care of the cleanliness of his room, you can cancel any purchase or, for example, a trip to the circus as a fine.

The importance of correct wording

Build the phrase like this: “I noticed that...”. For example: “I noticed that the trash was not taken out” or “I noticed that the toys were not collected in a box.” This will allow the baby to remember what he forgot to do, but at the same time it will not be a reproach. And here is another correct and balanced formulation: “As soon as you make your bed, we can go to the zoo.”

Don't punish or scold

Discuss any problems that arise peacefully, calmly and with love. Calmly ask your child: “When will you be free so we can talk?” At the appointed time, sit down and discuss the problem in a calm atmosphere.

What a child can do independently:

• from 3 to 5 years. Set and clean the table, water the flowers, wipe the dust, vacuum, make the bed, feed the animals, put away your toys, wash the floors, dress and put on your shoes yourself.
• from 5 to 8 years. Change the bed linen, wash the fruit, peel the vegetables, beat the carpets, make sandwiches, take out the trash, walk the dog.
• from 8 to 9 years. Operate the stove: boil or fry eggs; peel vegetables or fruits, iron clothes (under adult supervision), operate a washing machine and dishwasher.
• from 10 to 14 years. Cook simple meals, clean the house, go to the store, take care of younger brothers and sisters.

We wish you patience and mutual understanding with your children!

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Psychologists say that any relationship between people represents a public or unspoken agreement: you give me, I give you. So, should children really “pay back their debt” only if their parents were sufficiently responsible in fulfilling their duties, and only then in old age will everything return to them? And if they were not distinguished by strong parental care, then the children do not need to worry about them. After all, there are so many abandoned old people in our country who pulled their children to the last of their strength, denying themselves in many ways, but in the end they found themselves lonely and unnecessary to them.

According to psychologists, debt is a relative concept. We all owe something to someone only if there is a written or oral agreement about it. If it is not there, then there is no duty, which means whether to do something for someone, a person decides only of his own free will. But often a person’s behavior is condemned and criticized by others, and then conflicts and mutual grievances arise.

In life, there are three types of relationships between adult children and parents. For one elderly married couple, no matter how much their adult children help and try to pay them attention, it is still not enough and they want even more. They constantly express their grievances to their children and express their dissatisfaction. For example, that they arrived today, and their parents were waiting for them yesterday. The children took them to the dacha, but they wanted to go to the sea. And there are more and more such claims and grievances every year. In this case, children begin to think that maybe they don’t need to do anything at all, so as not to once again displease their parents.

Some parents, on the contrary, do not need anything: neither the care of their children, nor the help of a housekeeper, they refuse everything and, every time their children offer help, they shyly hide their gaze. They cannot imagine their life without caring for children, and even with their tiny pension they try to continue helping their already completely independent children. Many children, receiving constant refusal from their parents to help them, eventually stop thinking about the fact that they can be useful to their parents in some way.

The third type of relationship is very sad. This is when adult children simply forget about their parents, considering them to be to blame for all their misfortunes and failures in life. And parents abandoned by children did not always treat their children badly; in many cases they helped them, denying themselves, but they made many mistakes in raising them. Parents should not consider their children property, and constantly tell them that they raised them, now they are in an unpaid debt to them all their lives. Children actually don't owe their parents anything because they didn't ask for them to be born. Children must decide for themselves whether to help their parents or not. You can't take children's care of their parents as some kind of duty; children are not obligated to do something because they have to. Taking care of parents is a matter of honor for every person, therefore, children should help only when they really want it.

The relationship between children and parents leaves a deep mark on a person’s life. Many children, even after the death of their parents, feel guilty before them and suffer deeply from this. After all, parents are the first people with whom a person communicates and at the first stage of life they make up the whole world for him. Each person unconsciously views all his future relationships with the world through the prism of his relationship with his parents. He chooses a spouse based on the experience of his parents, and often builds his life, just like his parents. Therefore, it is very important, no matter what your parents are, to learn to forgive them for their imperfections and respect them. They may not have been very good parents, but they tried to become them. Learn to accept the situation as it is. If you cannot change your parents, then change your attitude towards them. And for this, become good children. Learn to listen, hear and understand the advice of your parents, no matter how absurd they may seem to you. Take full responsibility and care for your family, refuse excessive parental care and help. Every adult must serve and provide for his family himself.

Parents should not control and teach their adult children. They must respect the children's choices. Freed from parental care, children should help their parents not feel lonely. And for many parents it is enough if their children are constantly interested in their affairs and desires, and share their joys and sorrows with them. We must communicate with our parents and take care of them not out of gratitude for what they have done for us, but also because this contact cannot be interrupted. Only in this way can a person’s life have meaning, and only by such an example can he teach his children the correct attitude towards themselves. Psychologists say that those people for whom their parents were a burden and a burden, over the years they themselves become a headache for their children. And those who treat their parents with respect and love have a completely different story. Even in old age, they live a full life surrounded by their beloved children and grandchildren.

Jun 6, 2016 tigress...s