Why Do Spouses Quarrel? Household, or why husband and wife quarrel.

Conflicts and quarrels are part of a normal relationship. Disagreements exist to test a couple's ability to compromise. But sometimes they can lead to the destruction of relationships. Therefore, numerous quarrels will not bring anything good. Married couples should spend their time loving each other, not fighting for power in the family. Couples can avoid fights when they know how to manage their emotions.

Woman provocateur

As a rule, women are more emotional, so they are often the instigators of quarrels. For men, accordingly, the question arises, what to do if the wife swears?

You must not allow yourself to be drawn into a quarrel. Often, people get into fights over minor things. A man must show firmness and resistance, since a quarrel needs a partner. By not interfering in a conflict conversation, a man will have a chance to avoid a quarrel. Humor and self-irony can help with this.

Before you succumb to the provocations of your wife and start to conflict, you need to consider the possible consequences of your actions. A man must foresee how his wife will react to one or another of his statements if she is in an "excited" state.

Very often the question is heard, what to do if the wife yells? Firstly, no matter what, you need to avoid offensive words addressed to the second half. Offensive words can subsequently cause hidden grievances. Secondly, insults to the spouse should be avoided, since after a while reconciliation will come, and the sediment from the words will remain.

If the wife is constantly yelling, then it might be better to back off. When the husband feels the fight escalate, he should try to cool off a bit and be quiet. He should calm down before turning to face his half.

Causes of quarrels

There may be many reasons why a wife yells. This is a reproach for the slovenliness of her husband, disrespect, lack of attention, and so on. And sometimes, to stop the scandal, it is enough just to apologize. By asking for forgiveness, you can reduce the tension that has arisen between two people. Even if, perhaps, in this situation there is no fault of the spouse, he must still learn to hide his pride and at the right time to say "I'm sorry." This is a great way to show that he cares about the relationship as a couple. Any woman will certainly appreciate it.

Men are often interested in what to do if the wife saws? The family quarrel has deep roots. A wife often starts a fight over a minor thing, like a full trash can or dirty socks, but what she really wants to say is something more important: "You don't care about me, you don't love me." Therefore, in order to stop the attacks of the wife, you need to find out the real reasons for any quarrel, otherwise the wife will cut constantly.

There are many reasons why a wife swears, and some of them are so petty that, according to the husband, they should not even be paid attention to. Sometimes it is useful to use the "deferred claim" method to avoid a fight. For example, a husband noticed that his wife provokes a scandal too often. And now it's brewing again... Stop. This is not the best time to express your thoughts. It is better to discuss the issues with your wife the next day, this will help create a civilized discussion and peacefully resolve the conflict.

A man should know that no matter how much his wife wants to quarrel, she will not succeed if he does not want to. And only if he begins to respond to her provocations, behave like her and show aggression, then a quarrel will be possible. To avoid a quarrel, the husband should give his wife time to cool down, and only then find out all the problems that exist in the family.

From our school years, we remember by heart: “They got together. Wave and stone, poetry and prose, ice and fire are not so different from each other…”.

True, we are talking about friendship, but do we really know little in the life of love and married couples, whose relationships are built on the same principle?

Equation with four known

However, it also happens the other way around: husband and wife are very similar. And then we can say that they have the same type of temperament. And what are they, these types, how many are there, and is it really important to take them into account?

It has long been customary to distinguish four main types of temperament: sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric and melancholic. In fact, as academician I. P. Pavlov confirmed, the temperament of a person is determined by the characteristics of his nervous system. Pavlov, having singled out the main properties of the nervous system: strength, balance and mobility of the excitatory and inhibitory processes, identified four main combinations of these properties. Then the scientist put their manifestation in behavior in direct connection with the classification of temperament compiled by Hippocrates. And here's what happened:

sanguine - strong, balanced, mobile;

phlegmatic - strong, balanced, inert;

choleric - strong, unbalanced, mobile;

melancholic - weak, unbalanced, inactive.

However, in its pure form, temperaments are quite rare. And often only an experienced psychologist will be able to "reveal" the type of temperament and explain why it is sometimes so difficult for partners to negotiate.

Looking for the perfect partner

Cheerful, active sanguine person, as a rule, an optimist. To break his “family boat” about life, you need to try very, very hard. Sanguine is a "social being", he likes to be in the spotlight. But at some point, our hero, “all of sparkles and minutes,” can be so carried away by the celebration of life that he forgets about his family responsibilities. But this is by no means. He didn't do it on purpose! A phlegmatic person gets along well with a sanguine person.

Unless you come across an incorrigible phlegmatic bore who, with his endless nit-picking, will force the sanguine to flee. By the way, in a pair of sanguine-phlegmatic, as a rule, the first will be the visible leader, and the second will be the real one.

The relationship between a sanguine person and a melancholic person will not be easy. On the one hand, no matter how cheerful a sanguine person should lend a helping hand to a sad, insecure melancholic. He must - he must, but will he want to? At the initial stage of the relationship, the pessimism of the melancholic is a serious danger. But, when the candy-bouquet period passes, it becomes clear that behind the external isolation of the melancholic there is a subtle, sensitive nature that needs support, and at this stage it will be difficult for the sanguine person to leave. Not only because it's inconvenient. You just don't want to anymore. Not the last role will be played here by a sense of responsibility, which is still well developed among most sanguine people.

Advice to all melancholic people who have connected their lives with sanguine people: remember that you have different degrees of “sensitivity”. Do not wait for your partner to understand what is happening to you and understand the nuances of your mood. In such a pair, there is a lot to be said. But the undoubted plus of the melancholic is that he is usually attentive to his partner.

Choleric in everyday life is called a "temperamental person." He is quite often in an agitated state. The choleric, just like the sanguine, loves to be the center of attention, so you can’t call such a couple “sweet”. "Bolivar can't handle two."

A choleric person must be praised often, but a melancholic loves to be praised. However, for an adult woman, such a situation is quite on the shoulder. A quick-tempered, "starting from a half-turn" husband and a calm wife, peacefully coexisting with this "active volcano" - this combination is common. Simply, in order to solve important family problems, one must carefully choose the right time and place.

I choose you!

But with a phlegmatic choleric, the union will be more harmonious, in general for a choleric - this is the most optimal choice. But even with such a successful scenario, a choleric person can often file for divorce, although this does not mean at all that he is absolutely not satisfied with the existing marriage. Now, if a phlegmatic person goes to divorce, this is already serious ...

Enough has been said about the phlegmatic. It turns out that he is the "universal" partner. He is patient and will endure a lot. A phlegmatic often begins a love relationship with friendship and falls in love gradually. But the largest number of monogamists is among the phlegmatic. However, if your ideal is an "Italian family", with breaking dishes, packing suitcases and a frantic knock on the door by neighbors, a phlegmatic person is "not the hero of your novel."

“The melancholic will take for tragedy what the sanguine will see only an interesting incident, and the phlegmatic - something that does not deserve attention.” This is how Arthur Schopenhauer could sum up our reasoning ironically. You can "calculate" your hypothetical partner almost with mathematical accuracy. And then meet his complete opposite and fall in love without memory. In essence, this is what makes life interesting. There are no bad and good temperaments. But, understanding the peculiarities of the temperament of our partner, we increase our chances for a long and happy life together.

Let's talk about what stages a family goes through when problems begin. And what will happen if they are not addressed.
At first we are full of optimism, we like each other and want this to last forever. And at this point - so far so good - you need to develop. And in our age, standing still means the same degradation as going down.

A big mistake of people entering into marriage is that they think that everything will work itself out and continue. If I don't do anything terrible, then automatically everything will be fine. But it turns out that families are very rarely destroyed by any one serious misconduct. Most often, dissatisfaction accumulates a drop every day. And one day some small drop becomes the last.

Let's look at how these droplets accumulate - and perhaps this will help you determine how full your family vessel of discontent is.

First stage. Irritation.

Strong anxiety, everything is annoying. The wife becomes nervous, begins to explode with or without reason. All couples go through this stage during the lapping period.

Where does irritation come from? Since in such families a man has no faith, there is no purpose in life. His life becomes a monotonous routine - work-home-work-home-fishing. This annoys a woman, because any woman always wants development (but for someone to do it for her, and she will tell you how). A man does not understand why his wife is unhappy - I do everything for her, I work, I don’t go for a walk ...

The vicious circle of the first level - he does not believe in anything and does not strive anywhere. She stops trusting him and gets irritated. Her distrust reinforces his unbelief. What can a woman do at this stage? Learn to trust your husband, no matter which path he chooses.

And then they have three ways. Someone begins to develop relationships - and restores harmony. And someone will immediately scatter, frightened of difficulties. And they will go on looking for happiness and a prince. There are those who understand that divorce is not an option. But they don't know how to build relationships. So they stay and endure. But if they do not develop, then they move on to the second stage of family destruction.

Second stage. Husband's aggression and wife's secretiveness.

When a man does not believe in anything, a woman gradually loses confidence in him. She cannot be completely frank with him, cannot hope for female happiness. Because a truly happy woman becomes where she can open her heart.

When a woman ceases to trust her husband, she immediately begins to look for another point of support - and most often in her head. Some ideal of a man who could make her happy. It can be a dad, brother, ex-boyfriend or a colleague from work. Most often, there is no physical betrayal at this level. But the very fact of treason is already present. Mentally, the wife puts an end to her husband, believing that he is not the best option for her.

The man feels it. Even if it's not mentioned. He feels this female betrayal on a subtle level, and it pisses him off. He becomes very aggressive because he does not understand what is happening. The wife does not open her heart to him, because in the heart there are thoughts about another man. And the husband cannot understand the behavior of his wife. Whatever he did, it's not. Because daddy did it differently. Or because the ex-man never gave her bouquets of less than 21 roses. Or because the older brother always washed the dishes.

A man is not a telepath by nature. Therefore, the wife, opening her heart, makes life easier for him. He calms down knowing what she's thinking and what she wants. When he does not know this, then the wife becomes a pig in a poke. A time bomb that could go off at any moment.

The wife's secretiveness increases the husband's aggressiveness, and the husband's aggression increases the wife's secretiveness. It becomes a vicious circle that must be broken by one person. If we are talking about us, women, then at this stage you need to learn to open your heart to your husband, no matter how difficult it may be.

Third stage. Husband's greed and wife's lies.

When a wife ceases to be faithful to her husband - even in her mind - gradually he becomes mean and petty. He simply does not want to invest anything in a "stranger" woman. Although the man does not voice these thoughts, he feels it all. That his wife does not belong to him, that he is compared, dissected. Then why bother trying and investing in it?

And the wife, who is faced with the pettiness of her husband, begins to lie. Starting with simple things - the cost of her dress or children's boots. Then she can deceive him about where she is going and why. She has her own "stash" - and here women are much more inventive than men!

I remember one woman who bought all her clothes for her husband and children in Second-hand. I took some more from friends who no longer need it. Then she attached adhesive price tags and composed the cost of a “new” shirt. The difference between what the husband gave and the real expenses, she put into her little egg. The capsule was kept in her office, in a secret desk drawer.

The husband feels this deception, although it is difficult to explain. Therefore, he generally ceases to give his wife money. Begins to control every penny. From which the wife becomes even more greedy and lies even more.

Again a vicious circle - already the third level. You can break it again, paying attention to your shortcomings. For a woman, the recipe is to tell her husband the truth. Even if the truth is not very pleasant. And start learning to be content with what she already has. Learn to thank your husband for what he already gives her.

Fourth stage. Husband's cruelty and wife's envy.

At this stage, the husband crosses all boundaries. He is already swearing at his wife and children. He may begin to raise his hand against them and show his cruelty in other ways.

And the wife at this time, having lost faith in her own happiness, becomes a gossip. She begins to live other people's lives, tries to annoy everyone, envies everyone. Especially for those who have a better family life. She constantly criticizes everyone - including her husband.

The envy of a woman seems to kindle cruelty in him every time - and it is impossible to stop. In this situation, progress is more difficult to achieve, because each of the spouses is already under the illusion that only the other side is to blame. The wife thinks that her husband is a tyrant, and she is Snow White. The husband, on the other hand, believes that his wife is a snake, which he warmed on his chest.

And the most difficult thing at this stage is to see your shortcoming in order to start changing it. For a woman, here you need to meet your envy. And learn not only not to criticize others, but also to start looking for the good in other people. Learn to wish others happiness, selflessly serve and help. It will take a long time because the family is already in a deep hole. But you can get out of it.

Fifth stage. Husband's nit-picking and wife's rude speech.

As soon as the wife's speech becomes rude, this is the first call about the deep degradation of relations. Swearing from women's lips, insults and obscenities - this is immediately the fifth step in the family crisis.

The man becomes dissatisfied in all respects. If earlier he could be silent, he didn’t care about something, but now he finds fault. He is looking for the flaws of his wife (and you don’t need to look for them especially long - everything is on the surface). And he constantly points out these shortcomings to her - tells her about her excess weight, that she cooks poorly, and so on.

For a woman to hear this from her husband is always painful. Here she can no longer restrain herself - and falls into anger. He begins to insult him, they swear often and very violently.

And again a vicious circle - the rougher the woman's speech, the more picky the husband. So, it’s worth looking into your garden again - and start weeding it from weeds. At this stage, weeds are speech plan. Watch what you say and how. Stop cursing and insulting.

Sixth stage. The husband is a loser and the fears of his wife.

At this stage, the family usually loses everything - friends, work, money, property. The man is completely trampled, he feels like a failure. He develops deep depressions, serious problems with alcohol begin. At this stage, he may suddenly die.

The wife is also degrading. Now she does not even have the strength to dream of another life. She is afraid that without her husband it will be even worse. And even if now they live very poorly - for example, he drinks and beats her, she does not leave. At this stage, she will also begin to drink with him. Alcohol affects a woman even more destructively - her regression is faster. She can become easily accessible for fear of being alone.

From this stage, most often do not get out. This hole is already so deep that even the white light above is not visible.

But since you're here, chances are your business isn't so bad. And perhaps now you have problems at the level of the first four stages. We will talk about how to get out of there in my new book. How to develop relationships, how to trust, how to open your heart to your husband.

The sooner we begin to realize our responsibility for what is happening and change ourselves on our own, the easier and easier it is for us to return love and joy to family relationships.

Between spouses often there are constant quarrels. Such unpleasant events negatively affect family relationships and often lead to divorce. If partners cannot find a compromise in time, then this can greatly shake their union.

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The worst thing is when the spouses begin to confront each other and do not notice how they independently destroy their relationship. From quarrels and scandals, not only a man and a woman suffer, but also their children. It must be remembered that the most important thing in building relationships is the preservation of the family, so this priority should be kept in mind in the event of any conflict situation. Each member of the family must make great efforts in order to maintain the union and continue to live happily together.

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Provoking factors

If partners begin to identify the reasons that most often lead them to a scandal in a timely manner, this will help them avoid serious quarrels. Most often, quarrels are provoked against the background of:

• Unjustified expectations. This means that the partners who planned their life together were sure only that they would have endless joy. However, when the understanding came that each person has his own character traits and shortcomings, they are greatly disappointed in their expectations.
• material problems. Often in a family, especially after the birth of a child, the issue of money comes first. Women begin to worry about the fact that their husbands earn too little, and men sometimes condemn their halves for excessive wastefulness. Most often, the situation is aggravated if the partners have issued a large loan.
• Problems in intimate life. If people have different sexual temperaments, then sooner or later they begin to experience dissatisfaction during intimacy. At the beginning of a relationship, few people pay attention to this factor, but over time, partners realize how unbalanced their sex life is.
• Change and jealousy. This reason most often follows from the previous one. If one of the partners is dissatisfied with intimate life, then often he goes to the side. This leads to a lack of trust in relationships, and strong jealousy appears. Even if the person being cheated on is not 100% sure of it, he still feels the changes on a subconscious level. This provokes bursts of resentment and causes constant irritation.
• Constant participation of relatives in family life. This aspect very often greatly harms the relationship of partners. If during the decision of certain issues the opinion of the mother-in-law or mother-in-law is necessarily taken into account, then this greatly upsets the balance between lovers. It is imperative to avoid any interference from close relatives, even if they try to do it in order to help.
• Leadership struggles. In any relationship, one of the partners takes the lead. At first, there is no strong struggle, but over time, the spouses begin to make more claims to each other, each of them wants to be a leader.
• Mismatch of interests. If people have completely different life orientations, then it becomes very difficult for them to be together.
• Bad habits. It often happens that one of the partners suffers from alcoholism, smokes a lot or even uses drugs. This leads to constant scandals.

The appearance of a child

The most difficult period for lovers comes not only after the birth of the baby, but also during the pregnancy of a woman. At this time, lovers are faced with a strong change in their established life. Often, due to increased tension, scandals occur for no apparent reason.

After the baby is born, partners must adapt to the arrival of a new family member. In this case, a man and a woman are no longer just a couple in love, but parents who are responsible for the life of the child.

When the baby grows up, conflicts appear against the background of the fact that the husband and wife cannot agree on how they should raise the child. Often they realize that they have completely different views on this process.

In order not to bring the relationship to parting, you need to follow a few recommendations that will help you learn how to properly get away from conflict situations.



Be able to listen to each other

This means that during a scandal, you need to listen not only to your arguments, but also try to understand why the partner is irritated or offended. No need to pretend that a person understood what his soulmate requires of him. If he does not understand what the problem is, then the quarrels will be repeated again.

If a person sees that he is being listened to and understood (not necessarily agreeing with him), then this will be very important for him.



be able to talk

Screams, tears, scandals and assault do not lead to anything good. The same goes for slurring and silence for several days. It is necessary to avoid blaming each other, scolding and talking in raised tones.

The conversation should not be an outpouring of negative emotions on each other. If a person is dissatisfied with something, then he should explain the essence of the problem in a calm atmosphere. In this case, you can expect that his arguments will be heard. It often happens that during scandals, spouses start talking and screaming at the same time. At this point, they don't even understand what they are saying.

Therefore, psychologists recommend making it a rule in case of any quarrel to immediately sit down at the negotiating table and discuss the problem calmly. There is a method that helps many couples learn how to discuss problems. If people understand that they are on the verge of a breakdown, it is necessary to come up with some kind of ceremony that they must perform before arguing.

For example, during a conflict, lovers should hold Christmas decorations in their hands. Until they do this, they have no right to start screaming. This method helps in that such a situation looks very comical and lovers begin to experience less irritation. In such a situation, it is much easier to leave negative emotions behind.

Open the mind

A woman needs to understand that men really appreciate well-read and educated ladies. By nature, guys often have almost encyclopedic knowledge. They are fond of different hobbies, so they can easily keep up a conversation on any topic.

If a woman begins to be interested in politics, economics, the latest world news, books, paintings by famous artists, etc., then this will help her become a more interesting and self-sufficient person with whom a man will never want to quarrel.

If partners have a lot of common topics for conversation, they will learn to spend time usefully, instead of looking for each other's shortcomings. Therefore, it is worth starting to engage in self-education.

Count up to 10

Breathing exercises and simple counting help in most critical situations. If a woman understands that she is ready to break loose at a man and start screaming, then she needs to hold her breath and mentally slowly count to 10. It is also recommended to take a deep breath and exhale sharply. The procedure is repeated several times.

This method seems to be absolutely useless, however, according to research, in 10 seconds a person understands that he got very excited and goes too far. He begins to experience fear that he will greatly offend his partner. In these seconds, it is worth considering counterarguments, then the conversation will be more productive.

Don't raise your voice

You can often hear a joke from a man that his soulmate switches to ultrasound during scandals when she starts raising her voice. To some extent, there is some truth in this. A man is not able to perceive speech if a woman speaks in very high tones. It is more difficult for him to understand what they want from him.

Therefore, it seems to some women that the guy simply does not understand them or does not listen, but in fact it's all about the voice. In order for a guy to begin to perceive the words of his soulmate, you must always remain calm and speak with your spouse in a calm voice.

Start a diary

If there are any serious claims against her husband, then you should not immediately express them and quarrel over completely frivolous trifles. Instead, it is recommended to have a notebook or diary in which the lady will constantly write down what she is unhappy with.

If she is still of this opinion the day after the entry, then the issue is indeed worthy of discussion. If her husband angered her with some minor problem (for example, munching too loudly at breakfast or not taking a shower in the evening), then, most likely, after a few hours this shortcoming will not seem so acute.

You should always give yourself time to consider whether this or that claim really deserves to waste your nerves and stress your loved one. This method helps to stop focusing on the little things.

Learn relaxation

Women (especially after the birth of a child or those who are engaged in building a career) are forced to live in a frantic pace. Constant stress negatively affects not only the emotional, but also the physical state. To find harmony and inner silence, it is recommended to do yoga, meditation, or just start walking in the fresh air.

If you strengthen your nervous system, this will help a woman to be less irritated over trifles. When a person experiences a state of harmony, the last thing in the world he wants to spoil this peace. In such situations, during a scandal, a woman will want not to add fuel to the fire, but to say something pleasant to her soulmate.

How to prevent conflict

Any scandal begins with a light verbal skirmish, which later develops into overwhelming emotions. If a woman sees that a man is already in a critical condition and wants to quarrel, then everything must be done to get away from a serious conflict. Here are some helpful tips to help you:

• Listen to what the man wants to say and don't interrupt him. This will help relieve the first wave of his emotional stress. At this moment, you do not need to answer anything and give counterarguments, especially in raised tones.
• Wait. It takes some time for each of the partners to be able to digest the information received. If a man begins to behave aggressively, in no case should you adopt a model of his behavior. Otherwise, the situation will only get worse.
• When emotions subside, you need to offer to communicate like adults. It is necessary to discuss each claim in detail and find out whether it is really serious. It is worth asking your husband how he is doing at work or with his family. It is possible that he behaves aggressively because he wants to throw out the negativity that he received from another person.
• Together, try to identify the cause of the quarrel. Partners must unite and consider the scandal as a kind of disease that they want to cure together. Thanks to this, they will become much closer, will be able to make peace and will quarrel less often.

Quarrel Analysis

After the scandal, when the partners find out why the quarrel really happened, it is necessary to analyze every word that was said. To do this, you need to be extremely honest with each other. A woman should tell absolutely everything that worries her in a relationship with a man. The guy should list those moments that cause him irritation or stress.

You should think about what things each of the partners can give in to their loved one. It is necessary to try to come to a common denominator and make sure that everyone makes some kind of sacrifice.

Remember good times

Very often, when people live together for a long time, they forget about how their relationship developed at the very beginning. If the lovers began to quarrel more often, it is recommended to remind each other of their love.

It is worth spending romantic evenings together, looking through old pictures and remembering how the dates of loving partners went. Pleasant emotions will surely return them to the old days, when their relationship was just beginning to develop. It is recommended to visit the place where the partners kissed for the first time. Pleasant emotions will quickly make them feel tender feelings for each other again. They will forget about their claims.

Dispute Rules

If you can’t avoid a scandal, then you should at least not bring the situation to a critical point. Therefore, you should adhere to several recommendations that have long been practiced in the psychology of relationships:

• You can't mix everything together. If people are arguing over who should wash the dishes, you should not remember all the mistakes that a partner has ever made. If the conflict arises on the basis of a financial issue, then it should be only about money. You can't remember past hurts.
• Clarification of relations should be only between spouses. If other family members begin to interfere in the proceedings and take the side of one of the cursing, then this only aggravates the situation.
• It should be a rule that a quarrel can never be arranged during meals, rest, sleep or a romantic evening. If a person is very angry, then it is better to go to another room and calm down.
• You can’t give your partner negative characteristics and call him the most offensive words, even if a woman or a man knows perfectly well what exactly will hurt the partner the most.
• You can never blame a man for his sexual impotence. If a woman does this at least once, then their intimate life will be doomed. There is a big risk that after that he will get a mistress in order to regain self-respect.

Experts recommend admitting their shortcomings and saying that perhaps the conflict was provoked not by one person, but by both partners. You should not flirt with silence for a long time, as this will only make it worse for both of you.

How to avoid frequent fights

Most often, minor scandals are provoked by a woman, as ladies are more emotional and easily succumb to provocations. Sometimes a man does not even realize that his actions lead to the mental suffering of a lady. Some guys believe that girls are just very nervous and do not know how to control themselves.

• If it seems that a man has emotionally cooled off, you need to start devoting time to yourself. There is no point in reproaching a man and trying to convey your feelings to him. Instead, you should take up an interesting hobby, start dancing, sports, etc. Over time, the man himself will want to get closer to the lady again.
• Domestic quarrels are easy to eliminate if each of the partners knows exactly their responsibilities. Therefore, it is enough to plan all the events and decide in advance who will be the main one in this or that issue.
• Avoid provocation. Some ladies deliberately go to a quarrel in order to feel like a victim. Therefore, it is important to learn how to truly enjoy relationships.

If the quarrel dragged on

If the scandal drags on too long, neither of the partners wants to talk, then in this case it is necessary to find a way to help start a conversation. In such situations, it is recommended to use the so-called distractions. It is recommended to start talking about the upcoming vacation and invite the spouse to decide where the partners will go on vacation, ask the husband something about work, or clarify when the lovers plan to do repairs.

If a man also wants to improve relations, then he will definitely go forward and start an abstract conversation. After such an abstract conversation, it is recommended to talk calmly, try to come to an agreement regarding the previous quarrel.

If all else fails, try using humor. When heavy silence hangs in the apartment, it is recommended to defuse the situation with a good joke. In no case should irony, sneer or giggles be allowed regarding the topic of the quarrel. You should find something neutral, over which both people can laugh heartily.

In such a positive and high spirits, it is much easier to forget about grievances and go towards each other.

What should never be done

Sometimes, when a woman no longer knows what arguments can convey this or that information to a man, she begins to use threats. Some ladies often use the phrase "If you don't stop arguing with me, then we will not have sex" or "If you continue, then we will definitely get a divorce."

This tactic is completely wrong, since most often it leads to rather disastrous consequences. If a lady wants to live in a happy marriage, then in no case should you try to manipulate in this way.

There is always a risk that sooner or later the spouse will not withstand the heat of passion and will agree with her proposals. In this situation, it will be much more difficult to back down or try to reconcile with your spouse.

Next reason. We only want to take in relationships: love, care, attention. We want to be a child. We do not know that partnerships are relationships of equals. He satisfies our needs only when we satisfy his needs.

How often do we give in a relationship what a partner does not need, for example, we take care of a man, take care of him like a small child, indicate what he should do, give advice. Naturally, the man does not like it, and he moves away. And we are upset that he does not give us love and does not take care of us. And there are quarrels.

We quarrel because we do not accept a man as he is, we want to remake him. We do not know that only by giving a man admiration and appreciation, by accepting him as he is, we will be able to receive devotion, care and attention in return. We talk about this at the 5th lesson of the Women's School. You can see the training program and testimonials of the participants

How to avoid quarrels?

I repeat once again, in order to avoid a quarrel, you do not need to learn to give in and just make compromises. This will not solve anything, but will only accumulate emotional fatigue from such relationships, and anyway, someday it will result in scandal and hysteria.

It is important to understand some points and follow them. And remember that most often quarrels are initiated by a woman.

Why? Yes, because when a dispute begins, a woman understands well that she will lose in a dispute with a man. A man will turn on logic and begin to give arguments, so a woman turns on emotions. Everything is used: anger, swearing, screams, reproaches, complaints, accusations, demands. The woman herself begins to play not "by the rules."

You should also know that when a man feels challenged by another person, he perceives him as an enemy and it does not matter who is in front of him - his beloved wife and mother of his children or another man. At this moment, he concentrates only on his being right and on proving this right. If he doesn't, what kind of a man is he?

His voice becomes metallic and indifferent, he begins to attack and order. Naturally, this hurts us, we forget what we were arguing about, and we concentrate on the fact that the man offends us. The man is so arranged - he saw the enemy, which means that you need to catch up with him and destroy him. And very often we ourselves become this enemy, of course, out of ignorance.

A woman needs to remember that she is a woman. And unlike men, it is arranged differently. For a woman, the regime “Overtired” and “Too much shouldered” is a time bomb. You need to learn to ask for help, slow down, wait, and calm down.

Don't push yourself to the point where tantrums are your only way to relieve tension.

You don't have to apply "forbidden tricks" in a relationship with a man:

• provocative phrases like “Yes, what kind of man are you”, “You ruined my whole life”,
• remembrance of all grievances,
• ultimatums "If you love me, you will do it for me"
• insults. Insults leave a very unpleasant aftertaste in the soul.

A man is lost when a woman behaves unbalanced. Often he has to balance it with the help of force. After all, it is in an unconscious state that we dump all this on a partner.

Do not wait for the first step from a man if you were the initiator. It’s better to say first: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t restrain myself.” Do not play with pride after a quarrel and do not delay reconciliation, do not try to cause a feeling of guilt in a man, telling him: - How could you treat me like that, do it! He didn't even think to do that, it was you who turned him on.

Why does he start? - you ask. Because, like a normal man, he is looking for logic and truth in your words, but it is not there, because we are waiting for something completely different - of course, Love!

And if you don't get what you want from a man, then you don't give him what he needs. Therefore, any quarrels and scandals that a woman uses in order to get what she wants are unproductive.

Need to pay attention to your inner world, what is happening in it? You need to learn to pay attention to what you feel and how you feel. Do not accumulate negativity, and do not wait until it starts to pour out of your ears.

Learn to calm down, relax and stop. We women are very emotional and that is our nature. It is important to learn how to manage our emotions, because if we are not aware of what is happening to us, then emotions control our lives.

Learn to express your feelings directly: what are you dissatisfied with and what are you disappointed in without expressing disapproval to a man.

No - Why didn't you throw out the trash?! a - I'm tired, please throw out the trash.

No - Why didn't you call? a - I get worried when you don't call.

To do this, you must learn to listen and understand yourself. And be honest with yourself and with your partner.

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Tatyana Dzutseva.

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