You are not number one. “To be in first place is a good feeling, but you should not take off to heaven”: comments after the match “Zenith” – “Lokomotiv

8 Signs You're Not the Priority in Your Relationship

If these signs are present in your relationship, this is a bad signal.

1. He never shows up on time.

He doesn't value your time the way you do. If being late to meetings is common, then your time may not really be a priority for your partner.

2. He doesn't attach of great importance your "special occasions"

Anniversaries? Birthday? Oh well, here's the pie. Yes. In your " special occasions» not much noise. Your partner treats it like any other day because you probably don't mean much to him. You are not a priority, so these dates should not be a priority either.

3. You are not much different from when you were not in a relationship.

If you're in a relationship and still feel like you're single, then that's a huge red flag. What's the point of being in a relationship that still makes you feel lonely? This means that your partner simply doesn't value your expectations in general.

4. You constantly feel frustrated.

Disappointment is a silent killer even in the most strong relationship. If your partner constantly disappoints you, then your relationship needs are never being fulfilled. This means that your partner simply doesn't respect your feelings in the relationship.

5. He makes no effort to make you happy.

Happiness is what we are all looking for in life. If your partner doesn't make you happy man Is this really a relationship worth fighting for?

6. He doesn't make time for you.

You never win when it comes to time. Your partner is more likely to spend more time at work. Your partner would rather go to the gym than go on a date with you. Your partner would rather watch TV than talk to you. These are blatant signs that a person is being deprived.

7. You don't have common fights

Couples that fight are couples that really care about each other. These are the couples who want to see conflicts and disagreements through to the end. They "fight" because they want to understand each other better. So if you are a couple that just decides to put down fights and disagreements, then this is a problem. This means you don't want to hear what the other side has to say.

8. You constantly feel objectified.

If your partner only uses you as a body, then this is objectification in at its best. You are more than your body. You have feelings, emotions, goals, dreams and opinions. If your partner doesn't recognize these aspects of your personality, then maybe you're just not as important as you think you are in your partner's eyes.

Article translation - 8 Signs You Aren't A Priority In Your Relationship

Most of the problems in relationships are due to the fact that most often we put ourselves far from the first place. Most often, the first place is given to people who are significant to us, various areas life, responsibilities and what we HAVE to do, not what we really want to do.

It may seem that the call to "put yourself first" sounds bad, selfish and does not contribute to better communication with people. But if we are not in the first place in ourselves, it means that we have not met with ourselves, and, therefore, we cannot meet sincerely and openly with other people. And then contact with another person turns into a service based on attempts to please and gain recognition and approval.

Such an attitude towards yourself is destructive and fraught with consequences: disrespect from others, the use of your resources (both mental and material) by other people, as a result, you get resentment, disappointment, fatigue, and in last resort- disease. What place you put yourself in, in the same place you find yourself in other people. As much as you respect yourself and take care of yourself, you get it from other people and the world around you.

If work takes up all your space and you forget about your needs (eat, rest, perhaps show reluctance to do anything), then it's not surprising that your boss or your clients don't really care how tired you are or how capable you are. deal with some kind of activity.

The same is true in relationships with other people: if very often you act for the benefit of others and to the detriment of yourself, then other people feel that you, your feelings and wishes can not care less. After all, they see how you spit on yourself.

Very often, parents complain about their children: “I am everything for them, but nothing from them.” So after all, children see that they are in the first place, everything is for them, and they are surprised that at some point their parents begin to demand something for themselves. The same scenario can be seen in marital relations, and in friendship, and in relations with colleagues, but in general everywhere.

By your attitude towards yourself, you show other people who you are and how you can be treated. Thus, if you treat yourself with respect and care, the environment will respond to you in the same way. And if he doesn’t respond, draw conclusions about how much time and effort you spent, and nothing in return. AND next question, which is worth asking yourself: “And why then do I need this? Why am I doing all this?”

Try a simple task, but be very honest with yourself: write a list, answering the question to yourself: “What is the most important thing for me today? What places do they occupy in my life? different people? Where am I in my place?"

If you feel that it is difficult to make a list, try this meditation task: close your eyes and imagine a big mountain bathed in sunlight, and see what or who you see on the top of the mountain and where are you yourself at that moment? If you saw yourself not at the top of the mountain, try at least in this fantasy to transfer yourself to the very top, and place everything else below you along the slope. And from this height, observe: what a beautiful view opens up to you, what a feeling it is to be on top, and everything else - below. If you feel an inner protest or fear when you are at the top - do not be afraid, it's just a new feeling that you are not used to. Therefore it little exercise you can do every day, allowing yourself to be nourished by these new feelings. Let your body and psyche get used to the new perspective of your life perception: you are contemplating a beautiful view at the top, and not looking at an insurmountable mountain at the foot.

Hello! I am 21 years old, my boyfriend is 23. I was waiting for him from the army, 2 months after joining, we began to live together. We have been living together for six months.
He works, I study at the university. I miss his attention, care .. his favorite hobby lie on the couch and watch TV.
I tell him directly what I miss, what I don’t like. He does the same thing. I try to take into account everything we agree on, but he doesn’t always.
We rent an apartment in the city. And we ourselves are from the region. I am in one city, and he lives in another.
He often goes home to his parents. He can even go every weekend, now every other weekend. It’s unpleasant for me. Instead of spending time together, he goes home (you see, he hasn’t been at home for 2 weeks).
I also go home, but I can stay in the city if we somehow planned to spend time together and he doesn’t. It’s more important for him to go home and sit there at the computer and do nothing (It happens that parents have things to do there, so I need to go, I understand that).
He doesn't plan how we spend time together.
On the weekends, we can just sit at home if we stay in the city.
Once there was a case: I got very sick, so I couldn’t go home to myself. And he went to his place, leaving me alone in this state. Just because he wasn’t at home for a couple of weeks and he needs to go home, that’s how he explained his act. ( At home, he did nothing, as it turned out later).
I was very hurt by this act.
I don’t understand why everything is so with us: (There are no jambs behind me, I love him. And he often does what I don’t like and then a thousand excuses for this. It disappoints me with everything. Although he always says that he loves me and tries everything to do for us so that I do not get upset, so that everything is fine with us.
Sometimes I feel that everything is more important for him, but not me. I want to somehow do everything together, plan, spend time ... And for him it’s more important to go home, or something else, but not us and ours life. It hurts me a lot to see this.. We talked about this more than once. It seems to me that something always problems me, but everything suits him anyway. I don’t know what to do.

Psychologists Answers

Alina, hello!

It looks like you tend to see the bad side more than the good in different events. Maybe I'm wrong, but maybe this is your feature.

In fact, just like a coin has two sides, so every event has as many disadvantages as there are advantages. This is the law. The main thing is to be able to find them :)

Lying on the couch in front of the TV, it means he feels good and comfortable at home, with you :)

It does not always take into account what you want - it has its own point of view, its own view of the situation - which means it can help with advice when needed ... And so on.

You tell him what you miss and what you don't like - now try to tell him what you like about him. Alina - You will notice how well it works! Then ask him what else you would like him to do for you.

Try to take the initiative yourself about the weekend - perhaps he lacks imagination. If he offers something, even watch TV, agree, and in next time suggest your choice.

If you plan to create a family, then you will have to communicate with each other's relatives. You can start now to go in turn to his, then to your parents. Just do not criticize his relatives in any case - a completely useless and even harmful occupation - do not correct anyone, only set your husband against yourself. Here, too, the basic principle: you can praise, praise! you can not praise - shut up!

Also: It is NOT good for two people to spend all their time together. It's good to have something for everyone personal time. And respect each other's needs. At the same time, of course, it is very important to create a good psychological climate in the family, some part of the time must be spent together and qualitatively. Discuss this moment with him: what would be important and interesting for both of you.

I wish you love and understanding!

Sincerely, Tatyana Bashmakova.

The central match not only of the 15th round of the RFPL, but of the entire first round ended rather unexpectedly: Zenit suffered a crushing defeat for the first time since 2006. Wards of Roberto Mancini lost to Lokomotiv with a score of 0:3.

The mentor of the losers was shocked by the result. “The match was pretty absurd. In the first half we dominated and had great amount opportunities but failed to realize them. In the second half, they opened up, and the opponent used all his possibilities. This is football, it happens. We did not implement our counterattacks, but they implemented all three that were, ”said Mancini.

The head coach of the winners, in turn, told how Lokomotiv managed to achieve such a result. “In the first half, Zenit forced us to play number two, the opponent was very active, had a territorial advantage and chances. But you always have to endure, endure in a difficult situation. We did it in the first half. And in general we played brilliantly. What was the key to changing our game? First, the goal. Secondly, Zenit opened up even more than in the first half, so this is the score, ”said Yuri Semin.

Lokomotiv defeated all competitors in the first round: before Zenit, CSKA, Spartak and Krasnodar were defeated. Such a collection of victories makes Muscovites the main favorites in the fight for the championship. “There is no need to run ahead of the locomotive, only the first round is over. We're glad we won. Everything is born in the locker room, and in the locker room we have everything in order. The team and I understand what we are doing, and we know where we are going, but only Paul (the octopus who predicted the results of the 2010 World Cup matches) could know how it will happen. — RT), but he died, ”said Semin.

Separately, the head coach praised the Peruvian Jefferson Farfan, who took part in all the goals scored by the team. “What did Farfan say after the match? That he is a genius, ”the Championship quotes Semin.

These words were confirmed by the player himself. “Semin really said that I am a genius. This is important, of course, but I always think more about the team. I work to help my team, and for me our common success is the most important thing, ”the author of the double against Zenit emphasized.

“It’s too early to talk about the championship”

Lokomotiv speaks cautiously about its successes and goals. Lokomotiv President Ilya Gerkus urges not to rush things. Lokomotiv is in the first place thanks to the selfless and hard work. When he came to work at the club, he believed and thought that when right approach is it possible. It worked out. It's too early to talk about the championship. There are prerequisites to take a place in the top five, maybe in the top three. The victory over Zenit causes me special feelings, but it was not something fundamental, ”Herkus said to the Championship.

Warned journalists from talking about the championship and the chairman of the board of directors of the club Anatoly Meshcheryakov. “The goal for the season was to be in the top five, not lower than fifth place,” TASS quoted Meshcheryakov as saying. - This is just one game, even if it was won against such a strong team that scored the same number of points. We need to continue to tune in like this for every game, we have difficult matches in the Europa League, in the championship against CSKA. Yes, the team received good charge emotions, but in any case, we understand that this is only one game.

He also named the main reason for Lokomotiv's success. “Congratulations to everyone - the team that fought, the coaching staff, the head coach, who set the players up for such difficult game, all the management and, of course, the fans. Given that tomorrow marks 180 years railways Russia, this is a wonderful gift from the team. She managed to win due to her attitude, everyone fought for a friend, I don’t even want to single out anyone, I’ll single out the whole team led by the coaching staff, ”commented Meshcheryakov.

One of the leaders of Lokomotiv, Manuel Fernandes, urges not to flatter teammates. “Feeling yourself in the first place is good feeling but we shouldn't fly to heaven. There are 15 more games to go. Semin after the match, of course, congratulated, but said that we need to think about the next match, because this one had already ended. I hope that we will continue in the same spirit. Will we be paid bonuses for this victory? Don't know. This victory brought happiness to all of us, management, fans. This is a bonus, ”admitted the Portuguese.

Also on topic

Farfan's double, Semin's impenetrable defense and Kokorin "asleep": how Lokomotiv smashed Zenit in St. Petersburg

In the central match of the 15th round of the Premier League, Lokomotiv defeated Zenit on the road and remained the leader of the championship in the first round....

“I miscalculated and let the team down”

In "Zenith", of course, the mood is directly opposite. After the meeting, goalkeeper Andrei Lunev spoke very ambiguously. “Let the coach say everything with us,” the “Championship” conveys the words of the goalkeeper.

He later explained his words. “I meant that communicating with journalists is in the competence of the coach. Football players should not talk, but play, which I did not do well today. I didn't say this out of emotion. Maybe it sounded harsh and I misunderstood. But what people think up is complete nonsense, ”the Russian footballer explained.

Moreover, Lunev blames himself for the defeat of Zenit. “I saw where the pass went, I wanted to intercept it, insure Mevlya,” the goalkeeper commented on the first goal scored by Lokomotiv. - Perhaps the defender had time to accompany Farfan so that he could not strike. I went to the exit when he only accelerated, but he miscalculated badly and let the team down. After the break, we had to go out and put even more pressure. In the first half, we had real chances, there were enough approaches, but somewhere we were unlucky, like with Rigoni's shot. But it happened: one mistake - and the team fell apart, ”said Lunev.

Did not find an excuse for what happened team captain Domenico Krishito. “Today we want to apologize to everyone. There is no excuse for such bad game. We need to work even harder. There are still many matches ahead in the Premier League, and we need to change our mindset and remain united in such an unfortunate period for us, ”the Zenit press service quotes the Italian.

But the club is optimistic about the future, as said by Zenit defender Emanuel Mammana. “It all ended badly for us. Indeed, in the first half, the opponents did not have so many opportunities, they attacked little, but were able to use what little they had. We will remain calm, we will think about the Europa League - this is also a very important tournament for us, and the championship is long, there will be many more opportunities. Then we will play better, ”Mammana said.

In the next round, Zenit will play away with Rubin, and Lokomotiv will host CSKA. But before that, on Thursday, both clubs will play in the Europa League: St. Petersburg will meet with the Norwegian "Rosenborg", and Muscovites - with the Moldavian "Sheriff".

ZNAROK LOST TO YAKUBOVICH AND GUZEEVA

In December 2016, during the First Channel Cup, an unprecedented thing happened. Rating of the hockey match Russia - Sweden, which was broadcast in live in prime time, turned out to be so low that Channel One did not show the other two games of our national team.

The explanation sounded pretty logical:

“The current meter shows the loss of audience interest in sports broadcasts,” said the First in a statement. “According to TNS , the share of the match was 6.3%. This is significantly less than common share Channel One at this time (19.00 - 21.00). The first channel does not receive budget funding, exists on advertising funds and cannot afford to fail to fulfill its commercial obligations."

In addition, a few important figures.

The share of Channel One in the week from December 5 to 11 averaged 12.4% - that is, twice as high as the rating of the match of Oleg Znarok's team, which took place on December 15. Instead of hockey, the First aired "Let's Get Married" (share 14.8%) and "Field of Miracles" (15%). Both programs are traditionally included in the top 10 of the channel, second only to the main hits - "Let them talk", "Voice" and the program "Time".

It cannot be said that only hockey has dipped in numbers. In November, the ratings of the football team also failed. Matches with Qatar and Romania issued low rates- 8.4% and 9.6% respectively.

And on last week it became known that Channel One refused sports news. And immediately a negative wave arose. Judging by the reaction of people, the entire sports community in Russia followed the information of the industry exclusively from the news on the main channel of the country.

The TV theme is quite popular with fans, and now the situation is clearly overheated. The position of the First is cynical in its own way, but it cannot be ignored - especially since the channel has repeatedly removed non-sporting programs from the grid, guided by the same reasons as in the case of hockey. That is, it's not about the essence of the programs - it doesn't matter if it's a hockey game, a series or a humorous program. Numbers play a key role, and if they are low, this becomes a reason to take it off the air. Sports on this stage objectively loses the competition, and the First makes a choice in favor of what is in demand by the mass audience.

Football is the most popular sport in Russia. But is it possible to say so by TV ratings? Photo by Alexander FEDOROV, "SE"

HOW SPORT IS WATCHED IN THE WORLD

Looking around and seeing how sports are watched abroad, one can come to the conclusion that our television is more than favorable to its sports viewers. Not everywhere competitions can be watched for free in such a volume as in Russia.

The Olympics and football world championships in many countries are shown on public channels. In Italy, this issue, for example, is even enshrined in law. Moreover, the most important events for the country include not only the World Cup and the final stages of European cups with the participation of Italian teams, but also the Giro d'Italia, matches of the Six Nations Rugby Cup and the water polo championship of the planet. In the UK, the 2016 Games were shown by the BBC holding, setting a TV viewing record - and this with an impressive time difference with Brazil. Broadcasts from Rio were seen by over 45 million inhabitants of foggy Albion.

However, on a regular basis, you have to pay to watch sports almost everywhere. By at least popular for sports. In Spain, on public TV, you can see cross-country skiing, biathlon, handball and even figure skating - a sport that, with the victories of Javier Fernandez, made millions fall in love with itself. But the channel's weekly rating teledeporte , giving all this to the general Spanish public - only 0.63%. According to the publication El Pais , the share of sports TV in the country is 6.83%. But there are eight paid channels in Spain. There, in particular, the matches of Real Madrid, Barcelona, ​​Valencia and Atletico are broadcast - the viewer cannot watch the meetings of these teams for free. In neighboring Portugal, most sports broadcasts are at the mercy of the cable holding Sport TV , which, however, is included in almost all satellite and cable TV packages. Only Benfica fans buy a separate subscription, the games of their favorite team are shown by the channel of the same name.

Italy, Germany, France - the scheme in all countries is approximately the same. If a sport is popular in a country, it goes to pay TV. Federations or clubs get the profit, the viewer gets the quality of the broadcast with explanatory infographics, interactive tables and other "bells and whistles". There are one or two football matches of the tour in general access, and it’s not a fact that they are top ones. Or even cutting best moments. Often on the central channels you can see one match of the Champions League and the Europa League with the participation of a team from this country.

IN Latin America Argentina remains one of the few countries where you can watch football without restrictions for free. True, here the clubs decided to make money on television rights, and last year they turned to the country's government with an initiative. A national discussion arose, but the teams defended their right to income, albeit only from 2019. In Chile, a local Canal de Fú tbol has been the most profitable over the past two years. And all because it shows the national football championship and minor leagues. And you can even watch the entire Olympics here only for money. True, there were exceptions: in 2008, Elena Isinbayeva's golden jump was shown live throughout the country, interrupting news broadcasts on central television.

SPORTS ON TV IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES

* Excluding regional channels.

** The average number of people who watched a TV channel during the day, expressed as a percentage of total viewers, that is, those who watched any TV channel during these days. The average value is shown for the period from 9 to 22 January.

IF SPORT IS POPULAR, WHY IS THE SPECTATOR NOT GOING ON "MATCH TV"?

The situation with television sports in Russia is not unique - the main federal channels show the most "delicious" and interesting for the audience. What the rating gives is the World Cup in football and hockey, the winter and summer Olympics. The rest, in accordance with world practice, is sent to paid channels. Or rather, it should go. But for more than a year, Match TV has been operating in Russia, and the pay TV system has moved into the second or third row of priorities. In any case, when a public TV channel shows 4-5 matches from the Premier League tour, the point of buying the rights to a niche product that broadcasts all eight games is not obvious.

Let's move on to sports ratings - on Channel One and Match TV. Here are two tables that will show why, in the case of a wide audience interest, there is a lot of sports on the First. TNS generates top 10 for each channel the best broadcasts weeks. So, during the Olympics in Rio, these “tens” were overflowing with sports. In the last, third, week of the Games, there were 8 (!) sports broadcasts in the top 10 at once.

THE BEST STREAMS OF THE FIRST CHANNEL DURING RIO-2016*

Let's also give a similar analytics on the main competitor of the First - the TV channel "Russia 1". It can be seen that the sport on the First was presented more successfully.

THE BEST STREAMS OF "RUSSIA 1" DURING RIO-2016*

* Indicators by share, audience Russia, 18+

Here is another table that will show the level of interest in football at a time when the expectations of the audience from the tournament and the national team are high. It's about Euro -2016. All three matches of our team had the highest rating - games Russia with England, Slovakia and Wales took first place in the weeks when they were held. Moreover, the final of the tournament showed on Channel One the figure for the share of 31.4%!

SHARE OF BROADCASTING OF MATCHES OF THE RUSSIA TEAM ON EURO-2016

What is the main conclusion? Russia is in line with world practice, when the main channels show the best of what is available in world sports - yes, it's expensive, but the audience's interest is huge. For everything else, there is Match TV, whose share, if we take average per year, around 2%, which is not too different from the indicators of "Russia 2", on the basis of which the new sports channel was created.

And now we come to the main question. Why is it, if we talk about interest (sustainable, constant and, if you dream, even growing interest) in sports, not at all in the number of broadcasts on federal TV and not in the absence of sports news on it.

The Russian national football team cannot guarantee high TV ratings if we are not talking about major tournaments. Photo by Fedor USPENSKY, "SE"

WHY OUR SPORT IS NOT KILLING TELEVISION

Time to talk about the sore. On the technology of the creation of the show.

A few days after the match between Russia and Qatar (2:1 in favor of Qatar), as they say, in one of the offices of Channel One, a serious conversation. When the numbers came in, management was horrified. The match (it was broadcast live) showed the absolute worst rating result in the entire history of observation. Never before has so few viewers watched the Russian national team on Channel One. "You killed me" whole month with their football," one well-known leader said at the end of the meeting.

It is possible that television is also to blame for the fact that sports are of little interest to a wide audience - they show it wrong, they say it wrong, they advertise poorly. But this is more a matter of taste, not interest. Much more important is not how to show, but what to show. And here it is already worth asking questions to the Russian sport itself. More precisely, those who should promote and popularize it.

And it's not just the results. The viewer did not yet know that Russia would lose shamefully, but on Thursday evening (the game started at 19:00) he preferred other programs. Socio-political talk shows, crime serials, news. One can, of course, speculate about bad taste Russian citizens or fooling the population. But television is a very competitive environment, now there is an opportunity to choose from dozens of channels of very different directions. Football ended up at the bottom of the list for natural reasons.

We talked a lot about the football/non-football nature of our country, but I would like to ask a more specific question: do sports leaders do anything to make the audience change their minds?

Closeness, eternal tension, siege mood, scandals, shady spheres - after all, this is all the background in which our football lives today. The background is permanent and chronic. Around fun game people make so much fog, as if we are talking about the work of a top-secret defense enterprise. A sense of greatness and importance does not allow coaches and players to communicate with the audience in the same language, to be open and understandable. Transparent, Vitaly Mutko would say.

Now it is fashionable to talk about the construction of walls and bridges - and so, the subjects of our football most often build high walls, behind which ordinary people they are not very visible. Yes, when it comes to the colossal money that is being made in this area, few people want to be in the public eye. But still, the excessive importance of Russian football is rather sham and empty. But we are stubbornly forced to accept these rules, to believe that we are dealing with the elite and the celestials.

A seemingly simple thing - an interview with a more or less famous player - becomes a whole event in which a long chain of people participate. To agree, to agree on issues, to show what happened, then to cut something out, to agree again - horror! And it's just a simple conversation. Question answer. What he said was written down. Showed as it is. Made it a little clearer to the viewer.

Clearer and closer people sports is also trying to make our television - the same "Match TV" or the program "Football of Russia", inviting coaches and football players to the studio. But many interviews turn into a formality, where everything is expected and predictable - and not because journalists do not know how to ask, but because someone feels very important. And he considers his words so precious that they are not scattered in vain. Suddenly something careless will fly out and entail the end of the world? Let's be honest - this is a problem not only for TV, but for all sports media, including ours. And the viewer sees the catch and switches the channel. Even second-rate serials are more interesting.

What should make ordinary person spend two hours on a football match? Feeling beautiful (waiting beautiful game), patriotism (the expectation that ours will win), famous people. But in all directions we are empty.

When in last time played beautifully, no one remembers.

Holidays win.

And famous personalities are Shurik and Pavlik at a party in Monte Carlo.

It turns out that our expectations have become our problems again. And what about television?

First Deputy CEO- general producer of Channel One
in an interview with "SE" called the reasons for the reduction of sports topics