I am married, but fell in love with someone else: family problems, tension in relationships, the desire to change my life and advice from psychologists. I'm married, but I fell in love with someone else. I fell in love with another girl, what should I do?

You have been married, perhaps for more than a year, routine does its job. Everyone says that it’s time to settle down and live in a “home-work-home” mode, earn money and increase your income. It would seem that this is what will become your further principle, but then she suddenly appeared - and you can no longer help but think about her, looking for any ways to see her. Why does this happen? What to do about it? How to live and behave further? Let's analyze and come to a solution to the current situation together.

I'm married and fell in love with someone else, what should I do?

Let's start with the fact that you are far from the first who, being married, fell in love with another. And to answer the question “what to do?”, let’s figure out why this happened. There may be many reasons, but in the end it all comes down to one thing - you are missing something:

• freedom;
• personal space;
• passions;
• love.

According to statistics, there are much more women than men, so there are wives who are everywhere with their husbands, in addition, they are trying to establish prohibitions: don’t drink; don't go out with friends; don't smoke and stuff.

If this is your case, then your freedom and personal space are simultaneously limited. As a result, you get depressed and nervous. Whether you want it or not, you will subconsciously desire a different attitude towards yourself. That’s why it turns out that he has a wife, but fell in love with a girl who doesn’t limit him.

Now what about passion and love? I deliberately separated these concepts, since their totality is an ideal, but does not always occur.

By passion I mean sex and everything connected with it. “You guys only need sex!” - I’ve heard this more than once, right? If you heard this from your wife and she said it quite seriously, then things are not too happy. Will explain. The saying that only men need sex is complete nonsense! Women need it to the same extent, if not more. Why doesn't a woman want sex? There are several options:

• too “correct” upbringing;
• diseases such as frigidity and others;
• she is not interested in you as a sexual partner;
• fatigue and nerves.

In any case, to solve a problem with sex, you should never remain silent, you need to talk and look for compromises. For example, you lack something in bed, and your wife does not make concessions, the simplest thing is to be offended and quarrel, but will you really get what you wanted in the end? No. Try to come to an agreement, explain why this is unpleasant for you. Or maybe you are asking too much of her? Dialogue will help resolve this issue. What is needed is a calm conversation, it is necessary not only to prove that you are right, but also to be able to listen to her arguments.

You can often hear a story about a man who was married and fell in love with a young woman. Why? Yes, because sex with her is interesting, there is more passion.

Now let's talk about love. Everyday life is capable of destroying even the strongest love, and it is unknown what would have happened to Romeo and Juliet if they had gotten married and lived in marriage. Shakespeare created a story about love that should not have been broken in family life. I am not advocating dying young at all. I want to convey to you that love alone is not enough for a happy life. Wisdom is needed, and both must be wise enough.

So if a person is married, but fell in love with another, then maybe she is simply wiser and is not trying to educate an already formed personality?

We have looked at the possible reasons why you, being married, fell in love with someone else, now let me help you solve this problem.

I have a wife and fell in love with a girl on the side, what should I do?

The very first thing you have to do is decide who to stay with. And this choice will be very difficult, but you can handle it.

To make a decision, you need to weigh everything carefully. You have two women, you live with one and know her very well, the other you know much less. Even if the object of your new love has been familiar to you since childhood, you should not forget that in communication and in everyday life one and the same person is completely different.

The choice will be much harder if you have a wife, although it should not become a hindrance, even if his mother turns him against you, when he grows up, he will understand everything.

If you are married and fall in love with a young girl, then condemnation from the outside is inevitable, as, indeed, in any other case. Try to take criticism from outside as calmly as possible.

Ready to make a choice? Before doing this, answer yourself a few questions:

• Which one are you more confident in?
• Which one can you rely on?
• Who suits you most in sex?
• Who do you like best as a hostess?

If each of these questions points to the same woman, it would be wiser to choose her. It’s more difficult to decide when you fall in love with a girl you don’t know well, you haven’t had intimacy, or she doesn’t even know about your feelings. In this case, try testing the waters before making quick decisions. Talk to her as much as possible, invite her to go somewhere together, look at her reaction. I know it will be difficult, but try to soberly assess her reaction to your advances. Very often, people in love see only what they would like to see, wishful thinking, that is, they engage in self-deception. But you are a married man, which means you are experienced, you will succeed.

Maybe stay with my wife?

This is a valid question. It may be better to stay with your spouse, because she has already accepted you for who you are. What will happen to the one you fell in love with? Will she accept you with all your interests, antics, bad habits and so on? It’s not a fact, not all people have similar personalities and not every woman can tolerate banal snoring.

In addition, both men and women can make mistakes and mistake falling in love and fleeting passion for love. What to do in this case? How to find out if this is serious? Time will help here; if you gradually notice that the object of your desire is becoming not so desirable, and other girls begin to interest you, then most likely this is not love. Rather, it is a short-term passion that suddenly flared up. Why did this happen? You and your wife have some problems in your relationship and if you solve them, then you won’t need anyone else.

How to identify and solve the problem? Think about what you don't like most about her? What doesn't she like about you? You probably live a monotonous life - change your surroundings, relax somewhere together. After you have relaxed a little, the conversation will go easier and the problem will be solved.

Should you tell your wife about your crush? If you didn’t cheat, then it’s better not to, not everyone is ready to forgive this. But if an affair on the side ends in an intimate adventure, then there are only two ways out: tell it - and come what may; remain silent, giving yourself up to be devoured by your conscience. It’s up to you to decide, someone can forgive and forget, and someone will never forget, but will be with you, and the worst case scenario is that you will lose your wife because of a fleeting romance. So think about it carefully, is it worth it? Get rid of illusions, think soberly, you can do it.

Well, if you still decide to choose another girl, then try to leave your wife less painfully.

How to leave your wife?

If you have finally and irrevocably decided to leave your wife, you need to act firmly and tactfully, remember that she loves you, believes you and most likely has no idea about anything. Think about how you yourself would react to such news? It will be painful and difficult for her, there is no escape from it.

It won't be easy for you, and even harder for her. Try to mentally prepare her for a serious conversation. Say everything directly, as it really is, speak softly, don’t raise your tone. Most likely, she will cry, be prepared for this, try to calm her down, but don’t be led. Some women, in a fit of hysterics, drag their husbands into bed, trying to “rekindle” their feelings. Don’t deceive yourself, just having sex will not make your old feelings flare up with renewed vigor, you will only make it more painful for both yourself and her.

When the conversation is over, leave, don't hesitate. If possible, take all your things at once so as not to return.

It will be very cool if you remain friends and continue to communicate. But at first, try not to remind yourself. Both you and she need to get used to the new life; constant calls and conversations will interfere with this.

Before the conversation, as well as before making a decision, it is best to talk with a psychologist. It is very difficult to understand even yourself, and in such matters everything needs to be weighed carefully. The help of a specialist will definitely not be superfluous.

New wife: life from scratch

Well, you’ve made a choice, everything worked out for you, you’re happy and breathing deeply again. The feeling of guilt that bothered you at first has disappeared and you can enjoy life again.

However, do you remember what you had to go through? And perhaps you don’t want this to happen again? Then always talk about everything with your wife, don’t hide your resentment and don’t swear, solve everything calmly, look for compromises. Can't do it yourself? Go to a psychologist. And everything will be fine, you'll see. Although if such a situation does happen again, then you know what needs to be done.

And finally. You are a man, you are strong both physically and mentally. You are able to solve any problem, no matter how difficult it may seem. Remember this.

Marriage, in the understanding of many people born in the 20th century, is an indestructible whole, in which betrayal is punishable almost by execution. But what to do if you got a ring on your finger at a relatively young age, didn’t have time to properly try life and marriage begins to weigh heavily?

The wife nags, the children scream, and the mother-in-law treats him like an idiot. And then the beautiful girl of your dreams appears on the horizon. And it doesn’t matter whether she’s younger or not, more beautiful than your wife or not - she’s just different. It takes you out of everyday life and changes your life completely. Then it happens that a married man falls in love with another woman, having a family behind him. What to do in such a situation for a married person, read in this article.

Before you persuade a girl to sleep with her or even start a serious relationship with her that will interfere or destroy the family, you need to understand what it really is - a desire for a change of scenery or a new deep feeling that will grow into a new unit of society. It is often very easy to confuse a simple passion that can be tolerated or satisfied with your wife and really strong feelings. This is especially a pressing issue during the sweet-bouquet period of a relationship, when a guy constantly wants a chosen one for hormonal reasons.

If you don’t want to or for some reason cannot come to a psychologist with the phrase “I’m married but fell in love with another woman,” then you can understand yourself a little with the help of psychological advice.

Blind Passion

Here are a few features that will show that the other person just wants sex and a change of scenery, and not a deep and long-term relationship:

1. You don’t want to recognize your mistress and it’s not interesting to talk to her, there are no common topics or interests, and her judgments also only cause boredom.
2. Even if you get to know each other better, there is no moral and intellectual desire: you don’t want to talk to the other person, to get to know her as a person.
3. You were only attracted by her appearance, you didn’t even really talk to the girl before you started courting.
4. You sincerely love, but you don’t have sex, or you have it, but it’s very insipid. As time goes by, you become more and more desperate for intimacy.
5. You don’t want to go home and therefore you often go to bars or other similar establishments, where you met another girl, not being very sober.
6. She is much younger, and that is what attracts her.
7. Being married, you decided to cheat only because you want to take revenge on your wife for the unhappy years.

If you recognize yourself in at least one of the listed points, then quickly run to your wife with flowers, forgetting even thoughts about cheating - these are not real feelings. If you respect your soulmate even a little, and also do not want to cause pain and inconvenience to the other girl, then just forget about her and try to restore passion with your spouse, open it from the other side.

If you are married, but suddenly started a relationship and realized that it is a dummy, you should break off any contact with your mistress. It is important to do this very carefully, because in any case it is ugly and bad to hurt the feelings of another person. Especially if it happened that a married man fell in love with a married woman: this is how two marriages suffer at once and the sooner you end this, the better it will be for more people.

It’s worth saying: “Honey, it was wonderful, but a mistake. You are a goddess, but I have responsibilities to my family, and as a man of duty, I cannot continue.”

The question of whether to tell your significant other about cheating is a very controversial one; you must make a decision based on her character. If you are firmly convinced that sincere repentance is necessary for the personal happiness of you and your spouse, then it’s better to tell. If there are doubts that after the truth the relationship will only become stronger, then try to make sure that no one ever finds out about the Fall.

Real feelings

It often happens that a married man seems to be doing well in his family, but he has fallen in love with someone else. Here's how you can recognize a strong feeling:

1. Close your eyes and imagine sweetheart. Try to imagine it in as much detail as possible. If you immediately imagine only a naked body and cannot remember in detail the face, such small details as eye color or earrings, then this is just lust.
2. If you can listen to your lady for hours, talk to her about anything and share her interests, and she shares yours, then most likely you are in love.
3. When you put her interests above yours, these are undoubtedly not easy animal instincts.
4. Love is also the case when you worry about the lady of your heart every second, constantly calling or writing to find out how she is.
5. If you change plans for the sake of a sweetheart and fly to a meeting as if on wings, even knowing that there will be no intimacy, these are sincere romantic desires.
6. You are in love if you are willing to wait for sex as long as it takes until she is ready.

When you realize that your situation applies to one or more points, then you should seriously think about what to do next: whether to continue the affair or try to forget and save the family for the sake of the children. Everything here is very individual and you should make such decisions only together, because it often happens that the lady of your heart is married herself.

What to do?

First, try to figure out whether you want to build a relationship for many years with a new person. Look at it in everyday life. You won't be satisfied with conversations alone - for general happiness in your life together, you must completely suit each other or be serious about changing for the common good.

If she is a neat person, and you throw things around everywhere and are used to your wife cleaning up after you, the new girl may not tolerate this.

It's important to remember character. If you often quarrel over trifles, do not think that the situation will change dramatically when you leave your legal spouse for another. In everyday life, when sex begins to be monotonous, there will be even more quarrels. If it is difficult for you to coexist separately, then living together will become hell. Domestic squabbles kill love, so maybe you shouldn’t destroy the old one and build a different relationship. Let the young lady become a bright spot in your mature life - love that you will hide and keep secret from the world, and when the time comes, you will simply separate like ships at sea, leaving a slight sadness in each other’s souls.

Even if you understand that you are ready to spend your remaining years with your mistress, then think about your family. If you have children, then they really need a father. Without proper education on his part, they will not grow up to be as good people as they could be. Think carefully about what will be better for those closest to you—meeting your needs or preserving the “unit of society.”

If the wife herself is burdened by the situation, and the children would prefer to live separately so as not to listen to quarrels, then the best solution is divorce.

The spouse will have the opportunity to find a new husband, and if you do not forget about the children and, despite the circumstances and fatigue, devote time to them, then they will not suffer from the divorce of mom and dad.

Mistress's opinion

If you firmly told yourself: “I live with my wife, but I love another and want to build a life with her.” Understand that you cannot make such a decision on your own - no one has the right to decide for others.

If the mistress is married and has children, then it will not be easy for her to start all over again. Perhaps the person you consider the love of your life treats you as entertainment and only wants to be together in bed. It’s hard to accept, but unrequited feelings have tormented many from time immemorial.

If you come across a refusal, but despite this you would like to be together, then seek her hand. There are no shortage of knights in our time, and at the time of the third wave of feminism, women still adore it when they are wooed. Here are some tips on how to keep her and make her yours forever:

• Try to become cold. This will infuriate most of the fair sex, and she will give her heart in exchange for affection. Just don't overdo it.
• Don't forget to pamper and give gifts.
• Be strong and let it be understood that you will protect your sweetheart from all troubles and adversities.

And remember: happiness loves the persistent, and water does not flow under a lying stone!

If a man has a wedding ring on his finger, this does not mean that he is absolutely faithful and inaccessible to everyone else. He has a wife, yes, but no one has canceled his attention to other ladies. This can be discussed endlessly if we consider the situation from a moral point of view, but the fact remains that a married person can fall in love, and does so no less often than his single friends.

Why do married men fall in love?

There can be many different reasons for husbands paying attention to other women.

• Boredom
• Family routine
• Monotony in sex life
• Problems with my wife
• Yearning for adventure

Although the vast majority of representatives of the stronger sex know very well that sooner or later they will have to start a family, marriage is by no means their favorite event. He seems to love his wife, but staying in a relationship with the same woman all the time is too boring for him. And what can brighten up family everyday life better than a dizzying romance with some beauty? And even illegal - this will only add zest to such relationships.

Even if a man truly loves his wife, the constant routine can depress him. Monotony in relationships and family worries, especially if the couple has children, can be very tiring. New feelings are refreshing and make you feel like a person again, interesting to members of the opposite sex.

Sex is also of great importance. It often happens that the woman you love is a good person in all respects, but in bed she cannot boast of any special skills. For many, this is enough, because not every member of the stronger sex has serious requests in this regard. However, some people are looking for something special, and therefore take on a mistress.

If everything is not going smoothly in a man’s family, he will also look for an outlet on the side. He won’t necessarily start an affair with all the consequences, but he may well become interested in another woman.

Finally, not all people are made for marriage. A confirmed bachelor will fall in love and be interested in other ladies simply out of habit.

How does his love end?

Situations vary. Most often, the husband simply pays attention to other girls out of sporting interest, dreams about them or allows himself to flirt, without leading to full-fledged betrayal.

Unfortunately, sometimes things go too far. He becomes so infatuated with a woman that it leads to the collapse of his relationship.

It is worth noting that a full-fledged breakup due to the fact that the husband developed feelings for another is a rare occurrence. He put too much effort into creating a family, and he will destroy it only in the most extreme case - if he really falls in love.

Is it worth seducing a married man?

This question is also difficult to answer unambiguously. It all depends on what this person represents to you. Of course, it’s not worth interfering with someone else’s family in order to assert yourself. Even if moral standards do not bother you, it is unlikely to bring you the desired satisfaction.

But sometimes, unfortunately, there are stories when a woman truly falls in love with a busy man, and he reciprocates her feelings. In such cases, family relationships gradually fade away, sometimes quite painfully, and the man is left to go to a new lover.

What can the wife expect from this?

Although this situation certainly doesn't look good, it doesn't always end badly for the wife. Very often there are cases when a husband’s love quickly passes and becomes a solution to a family crisis. Of course, it can be difficult for a wife to come to terms with the fact that her loved one has paid attention to someone else, but with the right behavior on her part, she can win him back and make him value and respect himself even more than before the crisis in the relationship.
If you find yourself in the place of a wife whose partner paid attention to another, do not rush to create a scandal. Try to sort things out as correctly as possible, without offending him. Be courteous to him, and he will think carefully about which relationships are his priority.

How do men fall in love?

Statistically, they are much easier to seduce than women. The thing is that it is much easier for women to find a partner, and men, on the contrary, value any kind of attention much more. If a girl shows sympathy for him, it is very difficult for him not to succumb to her attentions, even if he is already married to another.

Seducing a married man is not so difficult for those who really know how to do it. It’s enough to be nice and friendly with him, to give him compliments - no man can resist them. If you show sympathy for him, most likely. He will support your initiative and will meet you halfway in further communication with you. However, by doing this with someone who already has a wife, you will put him in a difficult situation, and you yourself risk getting a lot of psychological problems. pixabay.com

Why is a lover vulnerable?

The stronger sex is not used to giving in to emotions, and especially demonstrating their feelings. It is very important for them to maintain their emotional independence, including from the influence of a woman. However, if he does fall in love, his emotions literally burst out. He doesn't have much control over them. It is difficult to stop a person in love, and therefore, when he falls in love, he becomes capable of almost anything. This is why husbands may well cheat on their wives if they meet a woman whom they seriously and sincerely love.

What stages of falling in love does a man go through?

Before falling in love, a man goes through several stages of falling in love.

The first stage is attention

He is attracted to a woman's physical attractiveness. This is the main feature that always attracts representatives of the stronger sex. This is much more important for them than for women.

Second stage - interest

They are able to rationally assess prospects. In other words, they don't fall in love blindly, they figure out what they can get out of a relationship with this or that person.

Third stage - hunting

When he mentally decided for himself that he will act, he begins the hunt. To do this, he will make efforts to get the object of his passion.

Stage four - victory

At this stage, he has already done everything he could, given his all in order to attract the attention of the desired girl, even if they have completely different social statuses. Now he wants love, and this is precisely what will be his main achievement, which he so strived for.

Why do women need married people?

Although a married man should seem completely unpromising for a long-term romance, for many girls he looks extremely attractive. Psychologists explain this for the following reasons:

He's already had one relationship, which means he's good enough for someone to choose him. In other words, a man having a wife is a kind of guarantee of high quality.

This makes her competitive - taking away another woman’s husband can be called an excellent attempt to assert herself. If he, being busy, paid attention to another, then she is definitely better than his constant companion.

A married man is forbidden fruit. And, as you know, it is much sweeter than those that can be obtained. Every woman has a desire to get what is not available to her, and this often motivates her to seduce someone who is not available to her.

Greetings, dear readers of my blog! Today I would like to talk about what an unfree man should do if he has feelings for another woman. It often happens that you meet a person and do not notice how your communication becomes more sensual and intimate. But if this is not a problem for a free person, then what if you already have a soulmate? The topic of today's article: married, but in love with someone else.

How serious is it?

Undoubtedly, each situation requires an individual approach, because each couple has its own story. How long have you been married, did you get married when you were young, do you have children, how long have you been in a relationship with your mistress?

But regardless of these circumstances, we have two options for the development of events. The first is if you just had an affair on the side, an infatuation, a passion, but nothing more. Even in this case, many men think that they are into their new passion, although this is actually not the case.

This happens most often due to boredom in marriage. You have been living with your wife for a long time, every day you solve everyday problems, instead of sweet and affectionate messages, she sends you a boring and tedious list of groceries. And then at work or in a group of friends you meet a girl. She is all so light, gentle, interesting, sexy and you seem to be fascinated by her.

When you start dating her, you feel in seventh heaven. And in bed she is a sparkle, and does not pester you with stupid requests as a spouse. Of course, you haven’t yet gone through problems and living together.

There is a second option - when you find a woman who really makes you feel like a completely different person next to her. It happens that your wife is not the woman who will be with you until the end of your days.

And in this case, of course, it is not easy for all three participants in the situation. A man rushes between his wife and his mistress, his wife feels detached from her husband, and his new passion suffers from the uncertainty of whether he will stay with his wife or decide to divorce.

Therefore, first of all, I suggest that you understand the seriousness of your feelings for your new passion. Is it really so serious that you can pack your suitcase tomorrow and leave home forever? Or is it just a hobby, an attempt to diversify the dull everyday life? Give yourself an honest answer and then you will understand where to move next.

What is the way out

What to do if you find yourself in a similar situation? If you cannot say with one hundred percent certainty that she is the one, the one and only one you have been waiting for all your life, then think carefully about whether it is worth destroying your family because of this relationship. Especially if you have children. When there are no children, the question becomes somewhat simpler, although it will not hurt any less.

One of my clients did not dare to leave his wife for his mistress only for the reason that he and his wife had two children. And later it turned out that he made the right choice. Because his wife stayed with him even during a crisis at work, but that same girl found herself a rich man the very next day. Make sure your new hobby is worth it.

If you decide to stay in the family, then my articles “” and “” will definitely help you.

If you really can no longer imagine your life without her, then you will have to make a final choice. You won't be able to sit on two chairs. This is dishonest both to the spouse and to the new woman. In any situation, try not to lose your dignity.

You can honestly tell everything to your wife. Explain that you have met the love of your life and do not want to hurt your wife with cheating and lies. But remember that not every woman can withstand such information. Think about whether your spouse can take everything calmly.

If you are not sure, then it is better to simply say that you are unhappy in the relationship and would like to leave. Thank her for everything that happened and try to convince her that apart you are more likely to be happy.

I recommend that you contact a psychologist for more detailed advice who will tell you what to do specifically in your situation. Write the details of your story in the comments and together we will find the most suitable option.

What feelings do you have for your spouse? How long ago did you have another woman? Have you ever been cheated on?

Life sometimes throws us a difficult situation. Remember that you can even get out of a dead end by at least turning back.
Good luck to you!

15.07.2014

Before the wedding, I fell in love with another girl. What to do, how to make the right decision?

Maxim's question

I have been dating a girl for 4 years. I’m 26, she’s 28. Everything was fine, we went through a lot together, I understood that I loved and valued her. We're supposed to have a wedding in a month. But it so happened that I liked another girl. I began to doubt whether I was ready for family life...

I don’t consider the new girl as a partner for life, I understand that nothing will work out - she is much younger, the wind is in my head... My future wife and I have a lot in common, we always feel good together, but it’s as if my feelings have faded away. And with my new acquaintance, I experienced something that I haven’t experienced for a long time and it’s bothering me now, but I need to prepare for the wedding. I understand with my head that my future wife is much better, but I understand this with my mind, not with my feelings. At the same time, I'm afraid of losing her, I'm afraid I won't find such a beautiful girl again.

I am afraid of making the wrong decision on which my future life depends.

And just a couple of weeks ago I didn’t have a drop of doubt, but now I just don’t know what to do. I can't even think about marriage. Perhaps this is all a jitters and I’m making it up to myself. What do you think?