A happy family. How to build harmonious relationships

- Stage of patience. There are quarrels, but they are not so fatal. There is an understanding that the quarrel will end, the relationship will be restored. In a couple, the thought runs: “This can be dealt with.” And here the law of conservation of energy comes into play: no energy disappears, it is transformed. The energy of patience is transformed into the energy of reason. And then we finally see our partner through the prism of reason, and not through our sensuality or selfishness.

— The stage of duty and respect. At this stage, the understanding comes that the partner is not obliged to do as I want. You begin to see your partner's strengths and your weaknesses. You begin to think not about “my partner owes me”, but about “I owe my partner”. Focusing on your responsibilities is a powerful resource for developing relationships.

- Stage of friendship. At this stage, common goals are formed on the basis of common values.

— Stage of love.

Up to and including the fourth stage, we are focused on what we are owed. In the steps that follow, we focus on what we need.

When a woman gets married, she ends up in another family. We all know that relationships with the mother-in-law are sometimes difficult? Without building harmonious relations with her husband's parents, one can hardly talk about a happy family.

Think about the word "marry". We go for the husband. But the husband is a representative of his family. And in fact, we are going under the auspices of our husband's Family. Hence the tradition of changing surnames. And we do it voluntarily.

If we realize this, then there will be no problem in the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship. If you volunteer consciously enter into the Family of your husband, then how can you deny its representatives, in particular the mother-in-law?

And in life, we often demand from a spouse a kind of renunciation of his kind. In principle, this is the same selfishness. And if you have a natural relationship with your mother, a natural closeness, then you need to make efforts with your mother-in-law. The mother-in-law, however, like the father-in-law, needs to be given more attention, i.e. invest more energy in relationships than with their parents. The same is true for the spouse.

His attention, his energy belongs more to his wife's parents than to his own. This formula gives excellent long-term results.

I can't help but give an example from practice. A client made a request about a bad relationship with her mother-in-law. We have reached the stage of understanding that the mother-in-law should be given more attention and love. How? The insight came to the client like this: I know that she really wants to get a pedicure, but she has problem feet, and it is difficult for her to find a master. Probably the best gift, a sign of attention will be a pedicure made by me. The client is a manicure and pedicure master. In this process, something important happened for both of them: both bowing their heads in front of an older woman and at the same time demonstrating their qualifications, which caused reverse respect. Relations improved.

Olga, I know that in your course “Success of a man. The happiness of a woman” is there a theme of family selfishness? What it is?

The selfishness of spouses grows in proportion to the time invested in the family. The more and longer people are together, the more rights they impose on a partner. This is family selfishness, which directs the family to collapse. Position “Why me? Why not you? - destroys relationships. Position “I will gladly do something for you!” - Preserves, develops and builds relationships. Rescues conscious disinterestedness towards each other. A higher form of selflessness, which reduces selfishness in the family, is doing for others, conscious selflessness outside the family.

Olya, what three main pieces of advice would you give to women who understand that they are responsible for peace and happiness in the family?

The energy of inspiration belongs to a woman - inspire your men. If a woman believes in her man, he reaches the top. If he looks like "lost" - he is gone. We women are very strong in the world, in the material sphere. Be chaste. Chastity is not only about marrying a virgin. First of all, it is to be sure that for you the best man is your husband. Accept your men. Totally! Acceptance is an unconditional agreement with some qualities, traits and characteristics of your man, without the desire to change it or fight it.

I would like to finish like this: A woman gives a man the right to do what he wants, while reserving the right to ask for what she wants.

The interview was conducted and prepared by Tatyana Dzutseva

In contact with

When newlyweds get married and make vows of fidelity to each other, the last thing they think about is potential quarrels and conflicts. Life together is still seen in a rosy light, and the problems that other spouses have seem to be something far away. They do not yet know that they will have to stand on opposite sides of the barricades in a financial war, when one of them will be inclined towards total savings, and the other is a classic example of spenders.

There will be many other reasons for conflict, and some of them are mere trifles. And if you want your family to be strong, you will need the best tips backed by scientific experiments.

Gratitude

Most people say thank you to each other for big things, but prefer to take small, sweet gestures for granted. When a person doesn't get credit for their efforts, they lose the motivation to keep making their soulmate happy. Make sure you're thinking about your crush, stock up on his favorite coffee, or do his laundry on the weekend. Do it sincerely and do not see your efforts as a way to earn bonus points in your piggy bank.

Saving

If a couple faces constant financial stress in everyday life, this means that the marriage will crack sooner or later. Debates about money are the most bitter and irreconcilable. Therefore, show worldly wisdom and start saving some of the money in a separate account.

Cooperative activity

Scandals often haunt those spouses who pay little attention to joint activities. Stop spending your weekends lying on the couch and start looking for interesting and unusual activities. Involve your spouse in tourism, hiking and traveling. Organize meetings with friends, sign up for a club of interest.

Stop trying to control your partner

One of the most common things that ruins even the strongest marriages is the desire to constantly control a partner. When one person tries to change the habits and worldview of his soulmate and indicates what to do, he exalts himself, taking away his role as the head of the family.

Modern marriages are based on equality, so the tendency to control every step of a partner looks like a relic of the past. This is what our grandmothers and mothers did, who tried to twist ropes out of their husbands. This is still done by domestic tyrants who must enslave their victim. But if you strive for harmonious relationships, you must understand that your partner will never change. It is believed that a person's character is laid up to five years, so all your attempts will be in vain.

man and housework

A modern woman combines several roles at once. She successfully builds a career, gives birth and raises children, performs the functions of a cook and a housewife. And if earlier women had time to manage household chores, since most of them did not work, now everything has changed. That is why fair distribution of responsibilities is so important in modern families.

Men should take over some of the housework: cook, vacuum, wash clothes - all those things that are traditionally considered feminine. Unfortunately, studies show that everyday equality is still far away, and most husbands still prefer to lie on the couch, while their wives fiddle with a mop and a broom.

Pair of glasses of wine

Experts say that in couples where both spouses moderately drink alcohol, the most trusting relationships are compared with completely non-drinking partners or with couples in which only one person drinks alcohol. Alcohol is a tool aimed at social rapprochement and unification, if, of course, do not deviate from the norm.

Time-out

In order to effectively resolve emerging conflicts, spouses need to cool down and calm down. A small time-out in the form of a walk in the fresh air is best suited for these purposes. You can retire to a room, take a few deep breaths, and try to put yourself in your opponent's shoes. Remember that you are on the same team and not on opposite sides of the barricades.

In a study conducted by staff at the University of California, it was found that emotional scandals between spouses predict divorce after 10 years of marriage. But the desire for a constructive dialogue increases the chances of a harmonious and happy union.

Joint training

In order to play sports together, partners do not have to perform the same set of exercises. You can be in the same place, see each other, be able to exchange impressions, but perform different tasks. For example, when a man is busy bench pressing, his wife is training on a treadmill at that time.

time for two

When a couple has children, it is very difficult for spouses to find time for a full-fledged romantic date that develops into a stormy night. It is even difficult for them to find time to watch a good movie while lying on the couch together and chat about things that are not related to everyday problems, work or upbringing. However, the time that allows you to move away from pressing tasks is extremely important for maintaining the spark in a relationship.

Rejection of public criticism

You will save a lot of nerve cells if you vow to never criticize your partner in public. Don't do it behind your back and show the whole world that you are a united team.

Friendship

Friendship between spouses is as important as romantic feelings. This allows two different people to have more things to talk about, spend more time together, do the same things, laugh and rely on each other.

These things spouses often underestimate

Psychologists insist that this simple yet sweet gesture should never be underestimated. It's about a kiss on the cheek.

Send your loved one a sweet text message in the middle of the day. This will make him smile.

Eliminate the influence of a mobile phone during dinner with a spouse, free a joint bedroom from electronics. You can listen to the interlocutor, but your gestures say otherwise. Unfortunately, recently the dissatisfaction of partners with their relationship has sharply increased. They prefer to exist in the virtual space, forgetting that real life is of much greater value.

The tone of the speech is also important. Give up the role of a hostess talking to a subordinate, or the role of a capricious spoiled girl who asks to fulfill all her requirements.

Use electronic technology to your advantage

Electronic technologies do not always take away the calmness of the spouses, do not always make them jealous. They can and should be used for good purposes. Social networks allow lovers to stay in touch if they are in a forced separation. SMS messages help quarreling partners to demonstrate their desire to agree to a truce.

If you want to discuss a serious issue, but are too angry, then you should not dial the phone number and tell your partner everything that you think about him. Write a text message that will greatly alleviate your anger. In addition, this technique will allow you to synchronize thoughts and feelings, as well as turn on logical thinking. All these criteria will allow your couple to resolve the conflict situation peacefully.

A happy family despite all trials.

The first couple of years after the marriage, the spouses experience passion, love, desire for each other. However, after some time, especially after the birth of long-awaited children, these feelings cool down. Some couples simply turn a blind eye to this and try to go with the flow, while others do not like this prospect of a relationship. And if some are trying to return family happiness and harmony to their home, others simply give up and get divorced. But is it worth taking such drastic measures? Isn't it easier to show a little prudence, and instead of looking for a new partner, try to save the marriage by returning the idyll to your own family?

What or who interferes with family happiness?

Such questions are of interest not only to couples, but also to researchers and psychologists. According to the second, family happiness is hindered not only by life, work or postpartum depression of women, but also by those around them, and often close and dear people. So, let's look at the main factors that can affect couples' marital happiness.

Life, work, children

Constant employment, routine, monotony can destroy even the strongest relationship. Moreover, it has a devastating effect on both men and women. So, the head of the family disappears for days at work in order to provide his family with everything necessary. Sooner or later, such workload exhausts psychologically. Hence breakdowns, bad mood, unwillingness to do anything, apathy, depression due to constant stress. And imagine the situation if a husband comes home after a hard day's work, and his wife starts to “nag” him, they say, he returned late, did not take out the garbage, did not fix the tap, etc. It is worth remembering that for men, the house is a fortress where he should feel needed, loved. After all, men are like children: they also need attention and love, understanding and care. Without this, a happy relationship cannot be built.

As for women, the picture does not look simpler here: everything rests on their fragile shoulders - the house, children, and sometimes the material well-being of the family. It is generally accepted that women are stronger than men psychologically. However, their “batteries” run out over time, and then this crazy hurricane is very difficult to stop. Imagine for a moment: every day a woman is torn between screaming children demanding attention, food, drink, games, etc., washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking and other “female” duties. By the evening, when there is no strength left at all, she has one desire - to rest calmly, to sleep. But a gloomy tired husband comes home and begins to criticize: either the soup is not salted enough, the shirt is not ironed, or the toys are not collected. And many generally blame the fact that the spouse sits at home for days and does nothing. Has anyone ever wondered where the cooked lunch or dinner came from on the stove? Who irons and evenly folds the linen on the shelves of the closet? Why is the dirty dishes not propped up by the gander of the faucet, but beautifully arranged in their places? And how many times a day do you need to walk with a vacuum cleaner, removing the consequences of the kids' games? But all this takes a lot of time and effort, and not so much physical as moral.

From all that has been said, the only conclusion follows: both spouses get tired equally (of course, provided that everyone is fully occupied with their duties). Therefore, to blame someone for idleness is stupid. Show understanding, try to help each other, be interested in the affairs of your soul mate. Be careful and, perhaps, less demanding, because sometimes we want from our beloved (beloved) the difficult or even impossible, which leads to conflict situations, resentment. Rest more together: walk with the whole family, have fun, stay alone, send the children to grandparents, arrange romantic evenings, make small surprises. This is not difficult at all, but such actions will help maintain family relationships at the romantic stage that they were before marriage or immediately after it. It is equally important to believe and trust your partner. Respect him/her. It is these feelings that are the basis of a happy marriage.

Spouses' parents

You can talk forever about the relationship of spouses with their parents. Some are lucky with them, others not so much. What does it mean "lucky" or not? In the first case, mothers-in-law and mothers-in-law (respectively, fathers-in-law and fathers-in-law) do not interfere in the relationship of the newlyweds - and this is the correct position in the opinion of many couples. Yes, they can sometimes give good advice, and young people will definitely take it into account. But this happens infrequently and, most importantly, unobtrusively.

In the second case, "bad luck" is the total control of the parents over the young. Not a single step of the spouses goes unnoticed. All actions related to everyday life, raising children, cooking, and even relations between young people are carefully controlled and adjusted in their own way by mother-in-law and mother-in-law (as a rule, fathers do not participate in such intrigues). What happens in a young family? Complete discord, scandals, tears, divorce. None of the spouses can withstand such an onslaught. When a family collapses due to the fault of their parents, young people are convinced that they simply did not fit together, although in fact it was the parents who made efforts to break the once happy family.

Is it possible to get rid of total parental control? You can, but you need to show firmness of character, be patient. Try to explain to your mother-in-law / mother-in-law that you are adults and independent people, that your family is YOUR family, and that you are responsible for it, and you know how to act in this or that situation. Of course, you should not refuse the help of your parents if you really need it. Limiting the communication of your children with their parents is also not worth it - this will aggravate the situation, a new conflict will appear, and much more seriously. And remember, if you decide to declare your own independence, then you are now responsible for your every action.

Sisters and brothers of spouses

We may not even suspect that our younger brothers or sisters can become the destroyers of our marriage. It would seem that the usual guardianship over them will not bring any harm. But when these family relationships become a burden, action must be taken, otherwise the ideal family relationship will burst like a soap bubble.

What to do? Find an activity for your brother/sister that will distract him/her from your relationship. Does he/she constantly ask for money? Help me find a decent and interesting job. Staying up at your house until late, preventing you from enjoying each other alone? Present a dog or other animal - now he / she will have something to do in his free time. Another option is to give birth to a child, then the problem with an obsessive relative will be solved by itself.

Friends and comrades

Both spouses need rest and relaxation. And friends in this matter are the main assistants. But not always the spouse or spouse accept friends of their half. Husbands are not satisfied with too frank or eccentric girlfriends of the wife, and wives - rude or too cheeky friends of the husband. Often friends and comrades take a lot of time from married couples: either the wife and girlfriend disappear in cafes or shops, or the husband leaves for the whole weekend hunting or fishing. But ideally, spouses should spend their free time together in order to keep that invisible connection that once reunited them.

Of course, spouses need to rest even from each other. But this should not be done as often as it usually happens. Still, family, children and a loved one should remain a priority.

Hobbies and hobbies

Today, many men (and some women too) are addicted to computer games. Sometimes this hobby turns into a real gaming addiction. Such a person is not interested in anything else: neither family, nor work, nor communication in reality. The virtual world is everything for him: his wife, children, and parents.

If an addict cannot overcome his passion for games or other activities in which he is very fanatic, marriage with him is doomed to failure. What can be done? The very first thing is to talk frankly with him, looking into his eyes, without reproaches, screams, insults. Let him know that he is dear to you, as well as the relationship with him. Help overcome this addiction, because together it is easier to fight than to cope with problems alone. Give it a chance, and you will be able to keep happiness in your family, even if it will be very difficult to do so.

If the passion is gone...

There are many factors that influence the relationship of spouses. And if earlier the touches of the second half caused delight, a storm of emotions, and now you feel only irritation, then we can say that passion has left your relationship. Can it be returned? Psychologists are sure that it is possible. But why does passion leave a relationship? There are several reasons for this:

1. Lack of romance. Often, spouses become bored, forget to pamper each other with gifts, make surprises, and prefer watching TV or sitting at the computer to a fun vacation or a walk in the park.
2. Accumulation of grievances and claims to each other. Often, in a fit of anger, the spouse says nasty things to each other, which are difficult to forget. Isn't it better to resolve conflicts in calm tones, coming to a common consensus that will satisfy both?
3. Banal habit. When the feeling of novelty disappears, the relationship becomes mundane, boring. Imperceptibly, the spouses begin to annoy each other, and soon hate each other. Correcting such a situation is almost impossible.

In order not to completely destroy family relationships, you should adhere to certain rules that psychologists advise. But be prepared for the fact that you will need a lot of effort and patience.

Using these tips in combination, you can achieve harmony, brightness and reciprocity in relations with your partner.

Secrets of a happy family life

Even despite the sad statistics of divorce, you can save your own family, but you will need to make a lot of effort. The main thing is to follow the advice of psychologists, and then a long happy family life is guaranteed to you.

1. Be emotionally responsive and available. Always respond to your partner's requests, don't blame, don't close, don't ridicule. Be a helper, like-minded person, support, adviser. Emotional responsiveness and availability in a married couple should be mutual.
2. Accept your partner's differences and see them as real. Many people associate love with similarity. There is a feeling that partners think the same way, feel the same things, say similar things, but it only creates the illusion of unity, closeness and security. In such a relationship, any disagreement or dissimilarity is perceived painfully. Any difference must be accepted and respected by the partners for granted. Consider these differences, and learn to accept a person as he is. Only then will there be harmony in the relationship.
3. Know how to cooperate and come to an agreement. Help each other, respond positively to requests, discuss plans for the future together, look for compromises. If there are controversial points, do not be afraid to discuss them and express your own opinion - this will help in the end to come to a common decision. And if you agree to something, follow these agreements by all means.
4. Do not interfere, but contribute to the self-development of your partner. Interaction is the success of marriage. Happy spouses are those partners who, by common efforts, were able to achieve certain successes that they would not have been able to achieve alone.
5. Treat many things lightly and with humor. Life is short, and you should not waste it on quarrels, ridiculous showdowns, omissions, stupid accusations. If there was any frivolous embarrassment - translate everything into a joke, laugh, get distracted. After all, pleasant emotions and laughter quickly defuse the situation, destroy the negative, tune in to a positive wave.
6. Organize your life properly. Household duties can be divided among all family members, and how you do it is up to you. The main thing is that in the future everyone is responsible for his zone, without transferring his duties to another. Of course, it is possible, and even necessary, to help a loved one, but do not consider your merits to everyone, take it as a voluntary contribution to family coziness and comfort.

Every woman dreams of finding her soul mate and creating a strong, happy family. But what needs to be done for this? How to push a man and help him make this important decision?

Conventionally, there are 5 rules for creating a strong family:

• Maintain love and understanding even in the most difficult and difficult situations. Marriage is not always pleasant chores and tender, reverent relationships. During a life together, a lot of situations can arise when you want to leave and quit everything. Support, mutual understanding and patience are the most important principles of a strong, family life.
• The ability to find a way out and a solution that suits all family members. There is no perfect person, everyone has their flaws. To love and accept all the pluses and minuses of a person is the basis of a happy marriage.
• Candor and trust. Any troubles at work, difficulties in sexual life can be discussed, and not just hold a grudge and keep silent. The family should not have secrets and embarrassment. If something in life does not work out, it is much easier for two to find a way out than one.
• The ability to take a step forward. After a quarrel, try to discuss the cause of the conflict without emotions and anger and find a solution together. The most important thing is not to make hasty conclusions, it is better to ask your loved one directly and get an honest answer. Guessing, gossip and suspicion can destroy the strongest relationships.
• General occupation and interests. This does not mean that you need to work in the same company and do the same work. On weekends, you can just go camping, play Monopoly, watch your favorite movie. Family traditions and holidays play a huge role in human life.

If you want to create a strong family, you must work on yourself, learn to share feelings, emotions and experiences. Respect for the needs of another person, the ability to forgive and turn a blind eye to shortcomings - these are the main principles according to which a joint life and life are built. Be sure to allocate responsibilities, tell your soulmate what you dream about and what you would like to achieve in life. Family life should not be a burden and be perceived as a kind of restriction of personal freedom. It is in marriage that you can realize yourself as a woman, mother and spouse. Take care and appreciate each other - this is the secret of a happy family!

If you have difficulties in your personal life, you can also contact a specialist doctor with questions about how to improve your life, become happy and

Discuss these rules at the family council and begin to follow them. And be sure: your experiment to create a happy family is doomed to success!

Family relationships are the most important

Now many brides are looking for a successful groom: absorbed in work, career, making money. And you need to look for a man who will be absorbed by his woman! Work and career will follow if a man has the support of his beloved behind his back. And work, and friends, and hobbies - all this should not be the main thing on the list of priorities for both the wife and the husband. The main thing is, interest in each other and fullness with each other. If both spouses recognize each other as the highest value, then their family will certainly be happy.

No one owes nothing to nobody

The family will be happy only if all the duties that are distributed among its members, they take on voluntarily, and not "under duress." How to organize it?

First, to distribute affairs according to desire and inclination.

Secondly, not to stand over the soul, demanding the fulfillment of them at a strictly defined moment and in a strictly stipulated way, but to provide freedom in this.

Thirdly, it is important to praise and thank everyone for everything that everyone does for the family. Only then will the wife cook to please her loved ones, and the husband will maintain the house in order to earn the admiration of the household. No demands - only affectionate requests, no criticism - only praise!

Spouses for each other first of all - a man and a woman

Harmonious relations between men and women are always built on physical attraction to each other and spiritual intimacy. At different times of the relationship, these are different: in the period of falling in love, physical attraction is more important, in mature spouses, spiritual intimacy dominates. The main thing is to remain attractive and desirable for each other. And this means: take care of yourself, your appearance; try to be an interesting interlocutor - to expand the circle of your hobbies; find pleasure in pleasing your soul mate with pleasant deeds and unexpected surprises.

Everyone does what they want

The family will be happy if no one forces them to give up their interests and desires for the sake of other people's interests and desires. If the husband is going to the football game, and the wife has planned a trip to the theater on the same day, then why don't they go in different directions to do what the soul asks for? Only the understanding that all family members are free in their choice, that they have the right to do as they please, makes everyone happy. And if there is happiness in the family, then its members will not want to part with each other, which means that there will be more joint affairs, projects and entertainment than individual ones.

destructive habits

habit of criticizing. The person being criticized experiences stress and discomfort. If you love your loved ones, try to keep criticism to a minimum. Don't pick on the little things.

The habit of pulling the blanket over yourself. It is so intended by nature that the man in the pair is the leader, and the woman is his support and support. In families where such role constellations are violated, unhealthy relationships arise, which can ultimately lead to collapse. It is important for a wife to learn to be feminine and wise: to give her husband the role of leader, protector and breadwinner.

The habit of going with the flow. When a couple is going through a candy-bouquet period, each tries to please the other with their appearance, gifts and surprises. Over time, romance fades into the background, and the spouses slowly begin to look around in search of the lost. Don't let this happen!