Love touch. Love and touch

It has long been known that physical touch is one of the methods of transmission emotional love. Numerous studies in the field of child development have concluded that young children who were carried, hugged, and kissed were emotionally healthier than those who were not for a long time deprived of physical contact. The importance of touching your baby is not a new idea. In the first century, Jews living in Palestine, recognizing Jesus as a great teacher, brought their children to Him “so that He could touch them.” You may remember that Jesus' disciples rebuked these parents, thinking that Jesus was too busy to deal with such nonsense. But the Scripture says that Jesus was outraged by their behavior and said: “Suffer the little children to come to me and do not forbid them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter into it.” He will come in. And he took the children in his arms and laid his hands on them and blessed them." Wise parents in all cultures, it is the parents who touch.

Physical touch is also a powerful tool for the transmission of love in marriage. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, having sexual intercourse are all ways to convey emotional love to your spouse. For many people, physical touch is the primary language of love, without it they do not feel loved. With him, their emotional vessel is full and they feel safe, surrounded by the love of their spouse.

In ancient times they said: “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Many men have been "fed to death" by women who believed this philosophy. It is clear that the ancients did not mean the physical heart, but the romantic center of a man. To put it more precisely, it should sound like this: “The way to the hearts of some men is through their stomach.” I remember one person who said: "Dr. Chapman, my wife is an excellent cook. She stands in the kitchen for hours. She cooks these elaborate dishes, and I like potatoes and meat. I tell her that she is wasting her time. I like simple food. She is offended and says that I do not appreciate her. I just wish that she would not take all this so seriously and would not spend so much time on preparing delicious dishes. Then we would have more time for each other. She would have more energy for something else." It is clear that this “something” was much closer to his heart than food.

This man's wife was " loving wife in despair." In the family where she grew up, her mother was an excellent cook, and her father applauded her efforts. She remembers her father telling her mother, "It's so easy for me to love you when I dine on dishes like this." Her father did not regretted compliments about her mother’s culinary talents, and he said this both in private and in front of everyone. And the daughter took this model well from her mother. The only problem- she did not marry her father. Her husband has a different love language.

When I talked to her husband, it didn't take me long to figure out that "something" meant sex. When his wife was sexually reactive, he felt secure in her love. But when she, no matter for what reasons, avoided sexual relations, then none of her culinary tricks could convince him that she loved him. He did not mind gourmet foods, but in his heart they could not replace what he considered “love.”

However, sexual intercourse is only one dialect of the language of physical touch. Of all the five senses, touch, unlike the other four, is not limited to one narrow area of ​​the body. Tiny touch receptors are located throughout the body. When these receptors are touched or pressed, nerve fibers carry this signal to the brain. The brain processes these signals, and we perceive what has touched us as cold or warm, hard or soft. We can also perceive it as friendly or hostile.

Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can convey both love and hate.

Some parts of the body are more sensitive than others. This difference is explained by the fact that the tiny tactile receptors are not distributed evenly throughout the body, but are located in groups. For example, the tip of the tongue is very sensitive to touch, while back side The shoulder is the least sensitive. The tips of the fingers and the tip of the nose are other examples of extremely sensitive areas. However, our goal is not to understand the neurological basis of the sense of touch, but its physiological importance. Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can convey both love and hate. For a person whose primary love language is physical touch, this message is much louder than saying, “I love you” or “I hate you.” Slapping is harmful to any child, but it is simply destructive to one whose primary love language is touch. A gentle hug speaks love to any child, but to a child whose primary language is touch, it simply screams love. All this is true for adults too.

In marriage, the touch of love can have different shapes. Because touch receptors are located throughout the body, loving touch on almost any part of your spouse's body can be an expression of love. This does not mean that all touches are equal. Some will be more enjoyable than others. And of course, your best instructor in this is your spouse. After all, she is the person whose love you are looking for. She knows better than anyone what exactly she regards as a loving touch. Don't insist on touching her where you want and when you want. Learn to speak her dialect of love. Your spouse may find your touch uncomfortable and annoying. Insisting on the continuation of these touches means conveying feelings opposites of love. This means that you are not sensitive to her needs and that you care little about what she finds pleasurable. Do not fall into the misconception that the touches that are pleasant for you are also pleasant for her.

Loving touches can be explicit and require your undivided attention, such as stroking the back or loving foreplay that culminates in sexual intercourse. On the other hand, loving touch can be subtle and brief, such as placing a hand on his shoulder as you pour him coffee, or brushing your body against his as you pass him in the kitchen. Naturally, explicit touches require more time, and not only during the act of touching, but

and in developing an understanding of how to communicate love to your spouse in this way. If a back massage is a loud declaration of love to your spouse, then the time, money and effort you put into becoming a good massage therapist will be an excellent investment. If your partner's main dialect is sexual intercourse, then reading and discussing issues related with the art of love, will enhance your expression of love.

Covert loving touches require little time but a lot of thought, especially if physical touch is not your primary language and if you didn't grow up in a "touch family."

It doesn't take extra time to sit snuggled together and watch your favorite show on TV. But it can speak volumes about your love. It only takes a moment to touch your spouse as you pass him in the room. Touching your spouse when you leave home and when you return may be a brief kiss or hug, but it can tell her a lot.

If you have seen that your spouse's primary language is touch, then the ways you can express your love for him may be limited only by your imagination. Offering new ways and places to touch can be a delightful challenge. If you're not yet an expert at under-the-table touching, you may find that it adds a certain flavor to your restaurant dining experience. If it's not your habit to hold hands in public, then you may discover that you can fill your spouse's love tank even when walking to the car in the parking lot. If you don't usually kiss as soon as you are together in the car, then you , you may find that it can make your trips more interesting. Giving your spouse a hug before she leaves the house to go shopping can do more than just express your love. This may help her come back sooner. Try new touches in new places and let your spouse tell you whether he finds it enjoyable or not. Remember - the last word behind him. You learn to speak his language.

We continue to publish excerpts from Gary Champion's book The Five Love Languages.

It's no secret that touching is one of the ways to express love. Research confirms that babies who are held, hugged, and kissed frequently develop faster physically and emotionally than those who are left alone for long periods of time. However, this is not modern discovery. When the Jews recognized Christ as a great teacher, they brought children to him “so that He could touch them.”*

Remember, the disciples thought that Christ did not have time to deal with such trifles, and did not want to let these parents in. But Jesus was indignant and said: “Suffer the little children to come to Me, and do not hinder them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God like a child will not enter it. And having embraced them, he laid his hands on them and blessed them.”** Wise parents know how much affection their children need.

Touching can also be used to express marital love.

For some it's the only way feel it. They need to hold hands. They need to be kissed and hugged. Then their love vessels are filled and they know that they are loved. Otherwise, they are not sure of their spouse’s love.

There is a saying: “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” In other words, lunch will help you win love. Therefore, many women feed their husbands as if they were being slaughtered. Still, it would be more correct to say: “The way to some men’s hearts is through their stomach.” One person told me: “My wife spends the whole day at the stove. She cooks wonderfully and invents new dishes. For whom?! I love potatoes with meat. I don't need fancy dinners. When I tell her this, she gets offended. She thinks I don't appreciate her. And I just feel bad that she’s wasting so much time. If she didn’t spend all day in the kitchen, we could be together and she would have energy for something else.” It was obvious that “something else” was much dearer to his heart than food.

This woman made a mistake. Her mother was an excellent cook, and every time, getting up from the table, her father said: “Everything was very tasty again! I love you so much!" He appreciated her efforts; at home and away, he never missed an opportunity to praise his wife’s culinary talent. His daughter learned: to please a man, you need to feed him tasty food. But it was not her father who got her as a husband. Her husband did not understand this love language.
From talking to him, I quickly realized that “something else” meant sex. Then he believed in her love. But if for some reason she refused intimacy, all culinary delights were in vain, he doubted that she loved him. He also liked to eat delicious food, but food could hardly replace what he called “true love.”

Touch can express love and sometimes hate.

Sex is just one dialect of this language. Touch differs from the other four senses in that touch receptors are located throughout the body rather than in just one area. They perceive external stimuli and convert them into electrical signals. The brain analyzes these signals. This is how we recognize hot and cold, hard and soft. We may feel pleasure or pain. This is how we can feel whether we are loved or hated.

Some parts of the body are more sensitive to external stimuli. This is explained by the fact that the receptors are unevenly distributed throughout the body. So, on the tip of the tongue, on the pads of the fingers, on the tip of the nose there are a lot of them, but on the shoulders and on the back there are relatively few. However, let's not delve into physiology. Let's consider this issue from a psychological point of view.

Touch can express love, or it can also express hatred. If your spouse speaks this language, he will be more likely to believe touch than the words “I love you” and “I hate you.” A slap is offensive to any child, but to a child native language whose touch, nothing could be worse. Kisses are pleasant for all children, but a child who speaks this language sees love in them. It's the same with adults.

There are different ways to express love to your spouse through the language of touch. Tactile receptors is present throughout the body, which means that any gentle touch speaks of love. But some are more pleasant for your spouse. Which? It's better to ask him himself. If you want to love him, you must know his dialect. You should touch him the way he likes and when he wants it. Perhaps some touches are unpleasant for him. And if he tells you about this, try to avoid them, otherwise you will no longer express love. This will mean that you only care about yourself, and you are indifferent to him. It would be a mistake to assume that what you like is also pleasant for him.

There are touches that require you to be attentive: massage, intimate relationships. But touches can also be fleeting. For example, while pouring coffee into a cup, you put your hand on his shoulder; or, passing by, slightly press against him. Of course, the first type of touch requires much more time, because first you need to understand what pleases your spouse. If he wants you to give him a massage, take a massage class and learn. Don't waste your time or money. If his native dialect is sexual intimacy, read relevant books, this will help you express love to him.

Fleeting touches do not take time, but they can be much more difficult for you, especially if this language is foreign to you and you are not used to tenderness. When you sit next to each other and watch TV, hug your spouse, it does not require special forces, but will tell him about love. When he leaves for work or returns home, kiss him, it won’t take much time, but it is very important for him.

If you've realized that touch is your spouse's native language, you're only limited by your imagination. If you previously avoided affection in public, change your habits. In a restaurant, hold your wife's hand when you leave, put your arm around her waist, and kiss her when you get into the car. This is how you fill her vessel of love. If your wife is out shopping, kiss her goodbye and maybe she'll come back early. Be gentle. But don’t forget to ask if your spouse enjoys your touch. Remember, he has the last word. You learn his language.

Need to touch each other

My soul lives in my body. To touch my body is to touch me. To push him away means to move away from me. To greet each other, people shake hands when they meet. If someone suddenly refuses to give me a hand, I will understand that our relationship has deteriorated. Every nation has its own customs. Once in Europe, an American feels awkward when people rush towards him with hugs when they meet him. But for a European it is regular form greetings.

Exist social norms, what is acceptable and what is not when communicating with people of the opposite sex. In a marriage, only the husband and wife set such standards. However, not everything is allowed here either. Society stands up for victims of beatings and abuse.

When your spouse is grieving, you must support him. If touch is his native language, he finds comfort in it.

Nowadays, many people preach sexual freedom. We hear that a husband and wife are not required to be faithful. Even if we do not consider cheating immoral, you must agree that we are not able to give our spouse such freedom. If we found out that he was deceiving us, we would be very hurt, the feeling of closeness would disappear. But for someone who speaks the language of touch, this is real trauma, and it is very difficult to recover from it. After all, for him it means that the spouse gave his love to another. The vessel of love is not just empty, it is broken. It will take a lot of time and effort to glue it together.

A crisis

When we are in trouble, we want someone to give us a hand. Literally. Why? Touch expresses love. And if a person is having a hard time, he needs love. Love helps him cope with trouble.
Tragedies happen in everyone's life. Parents die. Car accidents claim thousands of lives every year. When your spouse is grieving, you must support him. Nothing supports you like love. If touch is his native language, he finds comfort in it. It doesn't matter what you say; he will only see your sympathy when you hug him. IN difficult moments it is necessary to express love, it is remembered forever. Otherwise, your spouse will decide that you don't love him.

For many years in a row I have been invited to two-day seminars in Florida. On one of these visits I met Pete and Patsy. They moved to Florida twenty years ago (everyone seems to be a newcomer to this state) and has long settled down. My seminar was sponsored by a local church, and on the way from the airport, the pastor invited me to stay not at a hotel, but with his parishioners, Pete and Patsy. I pretended to be happy, although I knew from experience how it would end. I'll have to solve them all evening family problems and I will go to bed long after midnight. However, a surprise awaited me, and more than one.

At home we found Patsy and a cat named Charlie. I was introduced to both. Finally, I could look around. I really liked the house, spacious, bright, spanish style. One of two things, either Pete is a successful businessman, or he robs banks. As it turned out later, my first assumption was true. When I was taken to the guest room, I saw that Charlie was already positioned there, right in the middle of the bed. I thought: “Yes, this cat is the boss here.”

Soon Pete arrived. We had a quick snack and decided that after the seminar we would have dinner together. In the evening I asked myself when they would finally talk about their problems. I'm used to seeing dysfunctional families, this is my job. And here, as if everything is in order. Happy marriage. Even suspicious. I wanted to unravel their secret, but I was too tired and decided to think about it tomorrow with a fresh mind. Besides, Pete and Patsy promised to give me a ride to the airport the next day, so we'll still have time to talk. I went to bed.
Charlie kindly gave me the bed and walked out the door. I couldn’t stand on my feet from fatigue, I turned off the light and a minute later I was dozing. But then something heavy fell on top of me. I've heard that there are giant scorpions in Florida, but this one was even too big. Not yet fully awake, I grabbed the monster and, with a wild cry, threw it against the wall. There was a dull thud. My owners came running at the noise, the light flashed, and we saw Charlie lying motionless on the floor.

A few seconds later he came to his senses and jumped out into the corridor like a bullet. I will never forget this night. And Charlie is unlikely to forget me. Pete and Patsy later told me that since then the cat has avoided the guest room.

I thought it was unlikely that anyone from this family would have affection for me warm feelings, I insulted their cat so much. But the fears turned out to be in vain. The next day, after the seminar ended, Pete came up to me: “Dr. Chapman, I have never heard anyone explain so well what happened in our family. Everything you say about love languages ​​is true. I can’t wait to tell you our story!” A few minutes later I said goodbye to the seminar participants and we headed to the airport. On the way I listened to Pete and Patsy's story.

They grew up together. We studied at the same school. Even then, everyone around said that “they were made for each other.” They thought so themselves. Their parents belonged to the same circle. They had the same interests. Both loved to play tennis, boating, and read the same books. No one doubted this perfect couple. How can people who are so similar quarrel?

They noticed each other while studying at graduating class. Then they left home, entered different colleges, but saw each other at least once a month, and sometimes more often. At the end of the first year they decided to get married, but first they had to finish their studies. Everything was going great. For three years they lived according to this schedule: on one weekend he comes to her, on the second she comes to him, on the third they go home, but, of course, they spend more time with each other than with their parents. Then they take a break from each other and go about their business. And so on every month. They violated the schedule only special occasions, such as birthdays. They got married three weeks after they received their degrees, he as a manager, she as a sociologist. Two months later they moved to Florida, where Pete found a job. Parents remained two thousand miles away. There was an “eternal honeymoon” ahead.

And indeed, for the next three months nothing darkened their lives: they looked for an apartment and settled in a new place. They argued only once: when Pete said that Patsy didn't know how to wash dishes. Then they decided that they would take turns washing the dishes, that’s all. They had been living together for six months when Patsy suddenly felt that Pete was moving away from her. He worked late, and when he returned home, he immediately sat down at the computer. When she asked what was going on, he explained that it was always difficult for beginners, that he needed to prove himself well. Patsy, of course, was unhappy, but what could be done.

Patsy made friends with the neighbors, and when she knew Pete would be back late, she went shopping with them. Sometimes Pete would come and she wouldn't be there yet. Of course, this irritated him, he told her that she was irresponsible. Patsy replied: “Look at you! If anyone is irresponsible, it's you. How can I be home when you arrive if I don’t know when you’ll come? You never call, you never warn. And anyway, why do you need a wife? Isn’t a computer enough for you?”
In response, Pete shouted: “You don’t understand anything! I need a wife! Do you hear? Wife!"
Patsy really didn't understand what was going on. In search of an answer, she went to the library and took out several books on marriage. “It doesn’t have to be this way,” she decided. “We need to find a way out.” Now Pete was sitting at the computer, and she was reading. Sometimes until late at night. Pete went to bed and, noticing her with a book, usually said: “It’s a pity that you didn’t read so much in college, you would have been an excellent student.” Patsy replied: “I’m not a student, I’m your wife. And now a three would be enough for me.” Pete was leaving.

A year passed, Patsy despaired of doing anything on her own.

A year passed, Patsy became desperate to do something on her own and told Pete that she wanted to see a psychologist. She asked:
- Will you come with me?

Pete replied:
- I don’t need a psychologist. I feel sorry for wasting time and money on this.
“Then I’ll go alone.”
- Go. Maybe you'll learn something useful.

The conversation ended there. It seemed to Patsy that her husband didn’t care what happened to their family. On next week she turned to a psychologist. She met with him three times, then managed to persuade Pete to go to counseling. The healing process has begun. And six months later they were happy again.

I asked:
- What did you learn then? What saved your marriage?
“I learned to speak Patsy’s native language, and she mastered mine.” Of course, our psychologist called it differently, but the essence was the same. When I listened to your lecture today, I realized this. I remembered what we did to improve our relationship. We actually learned the language of another.

— And what is your native language? I asked Pete.
“Touching,” he answered confidently.
“Yes,” Patsy confirmed.
- And yours? - I turned to her.
- Time. I needed his attention. And he was doing work, sitting for hours in front of the computer.
— How did you determine that your husband speaks the language of touch?
“It didn’t become clear right away. A psychologist helped us. It seems to me that Pete himself did not understand how important this was for him.

“Yes, really,” said Pete. “I felt very bad then, but I hardly knew why.” I was so unsure of myself. And all because she didn’t touch me. I never asked for this out loud, but I wanted it so bad. The initiative always belonged to me, but before the wedding she responded to my caresses, we hugged and held hands. And after the wedding, she sometimes pushed me away. Maybe she was tired from work. Don't know. But for me it was an insult. It seemed to me that she disliked me. And I decided to leave her alone and didn’t approach her anymore.
I wondered when she would want to hug me. I waited two months! It was unbearable. I started staying late at work so I could see her less often. I was in so much pain. I thought she stopped loving me.

“I didn’t even suspect that he was suffering,” said Patsy. “Of course, I noticed changes: he no longer hugged me or kissed me. But I decided, probably, now that we are married, this is no longer so important to him. In addition, he was tired at work. I didn’t think that he was waiting for me to take the initiative. It didn't even occur to me. I cooked for him, cleaned the apartment, tried not to disturb him. I really didn't understand what he was missing. He didn't pay any attention to me at all. I was so worried. I really never wanted to cuddle him. Not at all because I dislike him. It's just not the most important thing for me. I wanted to be with him more often. Then I would feel his love. We spent a lot of time trying to find the cause of all the troubles. But as soon as I discovered that I was not satisfying his need for love, as soon as I began to take more initiative, everything changed. He became completely different. He wanted to be with me more often. I had a husband again.

- And the computer? Does he still work from home? - I asked.
“Yes,” Patsy smiled. “But it’s very rare when it’s really necessary.” And I’m no longer jealous of his computer. I know he loves me. After all, he is always so attentive.

“And you know,” said Pete, “what struck me today.” Lecture on love languages. In twenty minutes, your listeners learned everything that we studied for six months.

“It doesn’t matter how long you’ve studied it; it is important that you understand this well.

Pete is one of many for whom touch is the native language of love. They need to physically feel that their spouse is nearby. If your companion speaks this language, you should hold hands, massage him, hug him, kiss him. Any kindness is important to him, then he will feel your love.

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Parental hugs and strokes calm the baby. The older brother leads the younger brother by the hand through an unsafe street. A tap on the shoulder means support. We have many different touches in our arsenal with which we express our feelings. These nonverbal ways of expressing love can be the most powerful and honest of all other communication methods.

This is why touch shows love.

• It is a means to connect with each other. In the womb, the child is surrounded by his mother, and the newborn baby is first picked up, calming him down. Thus, from the first days we learn to connect with the world through touch.
• This universal method distance control. For people in close relationships, it is important to be able to keep their distance - to comfortably spend time together and separately. Nothing will tell you as honestly as the touch of a loved one whether he wants to spend time with you now or not, what mood he is in, and so on. Therefore, the lack of touch in a long-distance relationship is one of the main difficulties.
• Touch conveys information. Hand in hand has no less important meaning than words of support. Tactile contact capable of transmitting information no worse than speech.
• Oxytocin is released. This is a hypothalamic hormone that makes people more friendly towards each other.
• Touch increases the feeling of comfort and confidence. Touching loved ones reduces stress levels and also makes you feel more protected, even fight infections and reduce pain.

Touch can be very different depending on what it expresses.

• Positive. They are correctly understood by everyone as an expression of affection: hugging, patting, kissing, stroking, massaging, and other caressing movements.
• Negative. Whether impulsive or deliberate, these touches usually communicate a desire to create distance in the most innocent way or to cause pain in the most toxic way. This is hitting, slapping, pushing, kicking, scratching, poking, biting.
• Ambiguous. These touches can be perceived in different ways. How they are perceived depends on the intention with which the touch is made and how sensitive the one being touched is, and most importantly, on the ability of people to understand each other without words. For example, a seller who deliberately touches the buyer’s hand becomes more nice person and persuades to buy, but can forever scare away others. For one girl, pinching may be a sign of love for her, but for another it will be painful and offensive.

What to Consider to Show Your Love Through Touch

Recognize personality traits

We are born with different temperaments, the basis of which is the sensitivity threshold. Perception different people differs in how strong and what the impact must be in order to cause a reaction in them, positive or negative. For example, for one person tickling is a game, but for another person it is perceived negatively and turns into torture. Understanding how your partner reacts to different kinds touches shows your attention and respect, the desire to see him/her as an individual with his/her own unique needs.

Communication

Respect for culture

Culture not only determines the meaning of various objects, but also the rules for their display. These rules are the most critical to the ways of expressing feelings - often not announced by anyone, they indicate whether it is acceptable this sign in public or not, whether expressing love or hostility.

Let's take small children. They show they care through touching, hugging and kissing. The child is completely sincere with you, he is trying to convey feelings through gestures, since words are not yet available.

For many adults, the expression of love is expressed in every action of the partner and he feels emotionally empty if he does not pinch or kiss his loved one all day. Such expressions of emotions are more present in choleric people, who tend to explode at every spark.

The sexual relationship of a couple is one of the main manifestations of the language of physical touch.

But needless to say, monotony in sex also has a detrimental effect on married life, like constant quarrels?

Emotionality and sensuality are what should underlie every gentle touch. You should not turn lovemaking into a mechanically streamlined algorithm of actions. Every touch, every inhalation and exhalation next to your loved one should evaporate the blissful energy of pleasure for both partners.

The most sensitive areas, by influencing which you will reach the remote corners of your partner’s heart, are located at the tip of the tongue, fingertips and nose. Touching these special places conveys spiritual closeness from one person to another.

It’s not every day that we can allow a passing person to kiss us, hold our hand or touch our nose. In this case, it does not matter at all what words accompany the touch. Even if you hear words of love, a tightly clenched palm will be perceived by your body as hatred.

In people who are especially sensitive, their hearing is slightly dulled, and instead everything is perceived by the skin.

You are like the same toddler who is trying to touch everything, measure its strength with his teeth and feel how new item or a creature pleasant to the touch.

To start speaking this language, you just need to discuss with your spouse all the areas of the body that, when gently stroked, give him the most pleasant sensations.

Find out common points and key "words-gestures" - your main mission in achieving ideal love.

But you should not assume that those actions that are pleasant to you will be equally pleasant for your loved one. An intelligent and understanding woman is ready to express love even while working at home. You asked the man to get that vase located high on the cabinet and when his mission was completed, you simply kissed him and smiled. This gesture means gratitude and means much more than just saying “thank you.”

Does your man love massages and constantly asks you to give him one? Why not sign up for a course and invest some time and money into making your relationship perfect for both of you?

The same can be said about issues of sexuality education. If your man prefers good sex any other pleasures, read some interesting eastern book about art sexual pleasures. Better yet, go to special geisha courses and learn to control the flow feminine energies. Success and crazy delight of your loved one is guaranteed.

Remember the moments when you are watching a movie together, but then something suddenly arises? dangerous moment, which scares you. A man instinctively tries to cover you and hide you from the center of the offense - the TV screen or computer monitor. At the level of instinct, a person hugs another in moments of fear or danger.

Disappointments and losses are always accompanied by hugs in which a broken person seeks salvation. Words of support usually mean nothing. But the touch and warmth of your body can convey much more.

The main problem of your relationship with a person whose love language is physical touch will be long separations.

Feelings of loneliness accompany those who constantly express their emotions with kisses, hugs and other gestures. A man will be very jealous of you when he goes on a long business trip and it will be quite difficult for you to convince him of your fidelity with words. Therefore, if you or your partner are forced to travel around the world due to their line of work, the relationship will be a little difficult.

The solution can be found in several ways: either you change your job, which requires frequent travel, or you try to go on these long trips together. The main thing is that each of you can touch the object of your desire as often as possible, as if recharging for a long time from its warmth.

For the sake of your family's well-being, refrain from any form of violent expression.

The offense that a person receives through physical touch will become embedded in him much more firmly than if you offended him with words.

Never hide your need for physical intimacy. Often it is sexual relations that can restore partners after a long and unpleasant quarrel.

Well, let’s continue our thoughts about love, based on Harry Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages.” Today we will talk about my favorite love language - touch. You know, I recently learned that this is my love language - just four years ago. And this is how it happened: I was at a training seminar in St. Petersburg on working on the Steps at Valentina Novikova’s School of Independence. And there it was like this interesting rule- every morning and every evening all the seminar participants hugged each other. And when everyone started doing this, I was deeply shocked. I thought that if I started hugging girls and women now, a wave of excitement and lust would come over me and I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I was strongly against this; such behavior seemed very un-Christian to me. But people started coming up to me and hugging me. And I began to feel a wave of warmth, love and trust in these people. I couldn't even imagine how great it was and how nice it was to be hugged by other people. It was something very pleasant, warm and tender, not at all like lust and sexual arousal.

My stepfather was before, and even now, an opponent of snuggling, hugging and everything else, he called it all calf tenderness. And it was only when I got to this seminar that I realized how nice it is to feel protected, reassured and safe when someone hugs me. And when the girl hugged me, just hugged me and sat with me on the sofa, I felt like a child who was in the safe arms of his mother, who felt very good, comfortable and cozy. Since then, as you yourself understand, I really love hugging people, however, they do not always allow me to do this, unfortunately.

So, touch is the language of love. It is known that for many people it is very important to have touch with a loved one. There are people who like to hold hands while walking down the street, even if they have been married for several years. They need to kiss, hold the waist, stroke the shoulder of their loved one. Otherwise, they simply will not be sure that they are loved. It is sometimes said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. And many wives try to feed their husband or beloved boyfriend delicious and varied food in order to achieve his love and affection. But the truth is that the way to some men is through their stomach, not all. If touch and intimacy with his wife are more important to a man, then he will not be pleased with her delicious food, if she spends the whole day fiddling around the stove and then gets tired and refuses him intimacy in bed, in sex. Such men may say: “It would be better if she cooked me simple potatoes, but did not refuse me bed.” And as a result, both spouses do not understand each other and do not feel mutual love. She accuses him of trying to prepare his food more deliciously, but he doesn’t appreciate it at all and doesn’t thank him, and he accuses her of not loving him and refusing him intimacy. And the reason is very simple - the wife is trying to show him her love in a language that he does not understand at all, is foreign to him. And she doesn’t love him in the language of touch, in his native language.

In general, sex is just one of the dialects of the language of touch, but the dialect is very important and serious. I think that God gave us sex for a reason and intended that we conceive children in this way. If you approach each other with love, ask about where your loved one (beloved) would like you to stroke, kiss, and where you should not touch, then studying the body and its feedback can bring great pleasure to both, it is only important to ask, ask more questions. After all, touch can be both a blessing and a curse, a punishment if treated cruelly, without love. For example, it is known that a slap in the face will be unpleasant for any man or boy, but for someone whose love language is touch, a slap in the face can bring special pain and suffering. Kisses are pleasant for all people, but for those who speak this language, it can be a special declaration of love.

There are different ways to express love to your loved one in a tactile way. There are touches that require us to put in some effort and time. For example, massage or intimate relationships. But there can also be quick, fleeting touches, for example, when pouring your husband a cup of tea, you can put your hand on his shoulder. You can, while passing by him, accidentally press your body against him to show your affection, warmth and trust. Of course, the first type of touch - massage or intimate relationships - requires more time, effort and attention. If your loved one speaks this language, then it is worth asking him what exactly is most pleasant for him and what he likes, massage of which part of the body will be more pleasant and give him more pleasure. At the same time, you can sign up for massage courses to do it with pleasure. You can read books of interest or go to a seminar on the topic of sexual relationships and marital intimacy.

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Fleeting touches require much less strength and time, but they are also very important in relationships. If you watch TV together, you can hug your man, cuddle up to him and stay together for a while. When he leaves for work or returns, you can kiss him with love. It won't take a lot of time and effort, but it will be very nice. When it’s difficult or bad for us, we really want someone to hug us, stay with us, maybe even be silent, hugging us. I can say about myself that this is very important for me. One day I came to a group on the 12 step program and it was my birthday that week. And I told them that now I don’t need their congratulations and gifts at all. I just want them to come and hug me, maybe even silently. And they still started congratulating me, and only one woman came up and hugged me. I was so pleased that at least she was the only one who heard me and did what I asked. And I want to tell you one more incident. Recently I was in Moscow at a seminar on the Murray method. And one of the participants told very deep and serious things about herself. She suddenly said that she only now realized what a vile she was and harmful woman, how much harm she caused to her loved ones and that she is very bad. And during the break, I approached her and asked permission to hug her. She allowed and we stood hugging for a few seconds. I didn't say anything to her, we just stood there in silence. And then she went outside. I think that at that moment she needed exactly this - for someone to hug and support her, to show her that after everything she can be loved, that she is not really bad.

With this, I want to end today this article and reflection on touch as a love language. I love you all very much and wish you peace, warmth and love. And I hug you all tightly. I wonder if I tried to hug each of you, all my subscribers, would I be happy? Maybe yes!