The character of a Tajik man in love. Tajiks attitude towards Russian women
Tajkistan / Society / Seven habits of Tajik wives that any man will like
To be a real oriental woman, it is not enough to be born in this side of the world and have a characteristic appearance; to meet this definition, a woman is supposed to follow strict rules of conduct.
Asia Plus partner Open Asia Online has collected some of the habits of Tajik women who traditionally have Eastern wives in our region.
Refers to her husband as "you"
Almost all Tajik women, with rare exceptions, address their spouses as “you”, and call their husbands not by their first names, but “master”, “father of my children”, etc. However, in the north of Tajikistan, both men and women turn to “you” to everyone without exception, even to their small children.
Any Tajik can cook well
A Tajik woman who does not know how to cook, and not just cook, but create real culinary masterpieces, is nonsense. Any Tajik woman does an excellent job with the dough and can cook delicious pilaf. Mothers from childhood instill in their daughters a love of cooking, because if a young girl comes to her husband's house without these skills, then shame will fall on her entire family.
By the way, Tajik women also masterfully cope with other household chores, whether it is ironing clothes or cleaning the house.
The bride's family buys clothes for the groom
Buying an outfit for the groom for the wedding ceremony is the responsibility of the bride's family. Moreover, all household belongings necessary for family life, including furniture, are also purchased at the expense of the bride's parents; from the groom only housing is required. Therefore, often before the wedding, the girl's relatives, inviting guests to the ceremony, order gifts for them. For example: the Iskandarov family - a carpet, the Ismoilov family - a food processor, etc.
Never be alone with another man
Even if this man is a relative. A Tajik wife will let a man into the house only on the condition that she is not alone. Otherwise, even the husband's brother was barred from entering the apartment: "wait for the owner." And until now, at any event, women and men in Tajikistan traditionally sit at different dastarkhans, in different rooms. And men are engaged in serving the male dastarkhan (serving dishes on the table, cleaning dirty dishes).
Lives with mother for 40 days after birth
From the maternity hospital, the Tajik wife goes home to her mother, especially if the first child is born. Here she will live exactly 40 days, during which the mother will teach her daughter all the intricacies of dealing with the baby; in addition, the woman's family will purchase everything necessary for the firstborn at their own expense. After such a master class, the husband will never see the helplessness of his wife in dealing with the baby, because taking care of the child is the direct responsibility of the woman.
Does nothing without the consent of her husband
Even the most harmless business, for example, buying clothes or visiting parents, the Tajik wife is obliged to coordinate with her husband. Not to mention more serious decisions. Asking permission from a husband for a Tajik woman is not at all shameful. It's embarrassing when the opposite happens.
Tajkistan / Society / Seven habits of Tajik wives that any man will like
To be a real oriental woman, it is not enough to be born in this side of the world and have a characteristic appearance; to meet this definition, a woman is supposed to follow strict rules of conduct.
Asia Plus partner Open Asia Online has collected some of the habits of Tajik women who traditionally have Eastern wives in our region.
Refers to her husband as "you"
Almost all Tajik women, with rare exceptions, address their spouses as “you”, and call their husbands not by their first names, but “master”, “father of my children”, etc. However, in the north of Tajikistan, both men and women turn to “you” to everyone without exception, even to their small children.
Any Tajik can cook well
A Tajik woman who does not know how to cook, and not just cook, but create real culinary masterpieces, is nonsense. Any Tajik woman does an excellent job with the dough and can cook delicious pilaf. Mothers from childhood instill in their daughters a love of cooking, because if a young girl comes to her husband's house without these skills, then shame will fall on her entire family.
By the way, Tajik women also masterfully cope with other household chores, whether it is ironing clothes or cleaning the house.
The bride's family buys clothes for the groom
Buying an outfit for the groom for the wedding ceremony is the responsibility of the bride's family. Moreover, all household belongings necessary for family life, including furniture, are also purchased at the expense of the bride's parents; from the groom only housing is required. Therefore, often before the wedding, the girl's relatives, inviting guests to the ceremony, order gifts for them. For example: the Iskandarov family - a carpet, the Ismoilov family - a food processor, etc.
Never be alone with another man
Even if this man is a relative. A Tajik wife will let a man into the house only on the condition that she is not alone. Otherwise, even the husband's brother was barred from entering the apartment: "wait for the owner." And until now, at any event, women and men in Tajikistan traditionally sit at different dastarkhans, in different rooms. And men are engaged in serving the male dastarkhan (serving dishes on the table, cleaning dirty dishes).
Lives with mother for 40 days after birth
From the maternity hospital, the Tajik wife goes home to her mother, especially if the first child is born. Here she will live exactly 40 days, during which the mother will teach her daughter all the intricacies of dealing with the baby; in addition, the woman's family will purchase everything necessary for the firstborn at their own expense. After such a master class, the husband will never see the helplessness of his wife in dealing with the baby, because taking care of the child is the direct responsibility of the woman.
Does nothing without the consent of her husband
As befits representatives of any nationality, Tajik men have their own characteristics, both positive and negative. But let's dwell on the most positive qualities of Tajik men, which were identified by the media.
Ability to cook
Of course, women mostly cook at home, but they also often admit that when a man takes over cooking, the dishes are most often the most delicious. Probably this is due to the fact that a Tajik man at the stove, or at the cauldron, puts his soul into the process of cooking food.
The tradition of paying for a woman
If a Tajik man pays for a woman, then this means that he respects the woman and himself, and does not infringe on her rights, as some women unfortunately believe recently.Love for dancing
Tajiks believe that dance originally appeared as a means of self-expression and communication with the forces of nature and God. This is probably why many Tajik men know how to dance, and they always dance when they have the opportunity to move to the music and enjoy life.Tea is a favorite drink
Drinking tea slowly, during a conversation, is one of the favorite ways to pass the time. Therefore, there is a tradition to invite home "For tea", that is, if you pass by his house, any Tajik man can invite you "for a bowl of tea." A rare Tajik man drinks alcohol, and even more so goes into a binge, since love for tea is above all.Build your house
If a Tajik man planted a tree, had a child, and finally managed to build his own house, he would consider that life was a success. A rare Tajik man will agree to live in his wife's house, he will try his best to build his own house.Shopping in the market
A Tajik man believes that going to the market and providing the family with food is his sacred duty. And of course, the Tajik man is basically great at it.
Every Tajik man is a poet at heart
A Tajik woman very often hears compliments from Tajik men, because it is part of the culture and when she goes far beyond the borders of Tajikistan, she really lacks poetic statements about her virtues. Any Tajik man, being next to a woman, always speaks beautifully and the Tajik language itself is beautiful and melodious. The great classics of Persian-Tajik poetry composed beautiful lines about a woman, and often a Tajik man, having met a woman, even an unfamiliar one, recalls poetic lines and pronounces them, making a woman's day better.
Source of information and photos
Being a Tajik is proud, because, according to many, these are the most hardworking, most submissive, most faithful and strongest women of the East.
But being a Tajik is also very difficult, because the family in Tajikistan is almost entirely based on women. They will feed deliciously, and dress neatly, and without complaint they will take on all the male cares for the family when their other halves do not return from labor migration for years.
This is how they are brought up by strict mothers and uncompromising traditions, and not yet clear prohibitions, which the girls themselves are aware of from the day they were born.
Eyebrows and freedom of a Tajik girl
Perhaps the strangest Tajik taboo is not to pluck your eyebrows before marriage. And it doesn’t matter what time the girl is lucky enough to start a family. Let it be 30, but you can’t pluck your eyebrows!
By the way, no matter how strange it may sound, there are quite adequate reasons.
Firstly, neatly plucked eyebrows are a sign of married women. And if a young girl suddenly likes potential suitors at some event, then they will be judged not only by their manners, but also by their eyebrows. People will not ask directly if she is married. And unplucked eyebrows just hint at the free status of the girl.
Secondly, in addition to hints, there is another, very important side of the issue - Islam (and 99% of Tajiks profess this religion) does not welcome changes in God's creation. It is canonically allowed to give a well-groomed look, but at the same time it is necessary to catch the line at which the eyebrows will be neat, but their shape will not change.
For a Tajik, a date is a sign of depravity
Before marriage, it is strictly forbidden to meet with men - to arrange romantic dates by candlelight, going to the cinema or walking in the rain. You can forget about it. And it’s a sin to even think about innocent kisses and touching hands.
And how do Tajik women create a family in such conditions? Very simple, because falling in love before marriage is allowed. Choosing a life partner is the same. But it is fanatically important for men that their future half be immaculate and pure.
She, roughly speaking, should belong in body and soul to only one man - her future spouse - and wait for him humbly. Otherwise, a shame not only for the girl, but for all her relatives. And normal families will not come to marry her. And, God forbid, she will remain an old maid. Something like this scares girls in strict, traditional Tajik families.
Dash at 30 for a Tajik girl
There is nothing worse for a mother than a daughter left in girls. No sooner does the girl hit 18 than the parents seriously begin to collect the dowry for their beautiful and unique daughter. And suddenly tomorrow matchmakers will knock on the door. And this, by the way, is quite possible.
And God forbid that the daughter turned out to be stubborn, fastidious and with big plans for personal growth for the future. And after all, such people will be delayed with marriage right up to 30 years with the risk of remaining an old maid. By the way, by this time the neighbor's daughter will have three children running around the yard.
Tajiks are sure that time is gold, if you lose it, you won’t get it back. And marriage, like time, does not spare if you miss your chance. And the chances, of course, are more up to 30 years. After this line, young suitors will go to woo the young, and the old ones too.
And with his plans for personal growth, he will be left alone with himself.
Of course, in modern society, not all Tajik girls strictly follow these, but they still try to adhere to them.
Every eighth marriage with foreigners in Russia is made with citizens of Tajikistan. According to public opinion polls in Russia, two or three years ago, citizens of Ukraine, Armenia and Tajikistan were considered the most “popular” suitors for Russian women.
These data are also confirmed by statistical data, which say that in 2007-2009, representatives of these countries most often became life companions of Russian citizens. For example, out of 29,000 marriages registered in the first six months of 2009, one in eight was with a Tajik citizen.
According to sociologists, this figure is quite high, given the growing level of xenophobia and racism in Russian society towards people from Central Asia.
Experts are confident that these figures show that xenophobia, which has taken root in the everyday life of Russian society, has not yet become a common ideology. In the case of personal contact and knowledge of a foreign culture and tradition, intolerance towards the so-called "strangers" fades into the background.
34 year old Marina, who has given birth to two daughters by Tajik men, decided to stay permanently in Tajikistan after deciding to visit her eldest daughter Alena in the southern city of Kulyab last September. But here bad news awaited her: the seven-year-old Alyona, accustomed to living with her father's relatives, refused to return to her mother, who in Russia near Moscow worked part-time in a canteen and was fond of alcoholic beverages. Marina made a big decision for herself: she chose Tajikistan as her new place of residence.
She says that such a decision came because she had good relations with the family of the father of the first daughter, where she can freely communicate with Alena, and she also cherishes good relations with the relatives of her second daughter from her marriage to a Tajik, who also live in Kulyab .
Having rented out an apartment in the Moscow region with the help of her aunt and having received a disability pension in Tajikistan, Marina rented an apartment on the outskirts of Kulyab. She has a lot of time to communicate with the locals, she said that she had already started learning how to bake Tajik bread from her new friends:
-All relatives of Alena, the first daughter, are very good people. I help them, they help me. I don't want to go back to Russia because women there live in a completely different way. They lead a wild life, drink, smoke. I myself was like this before coming here, I don’t want to return to a past life uh, says Marina.
Alcohol and domestic xenophobia
Many experts, confirming the words of Marina, say that very often Russians who agree to marry Tajiks run away from addictions and alcoholism. Despite the high level of xenophobia and racism in Russian society, where anti-immigrant sentiments are growing from year to year, hostility and intolerance fade into the background upon personal acquaintance. Vera Alperovich, An expert from the SOVA Center in Moscow believes that this is the peculiarity of everyday xenophobia that has become widespread in Russia in recent years:
- The fact that Tajik men marry Russian women, and not vice versa, is primarily due to the fact that, first of all, men are sent to migration. This is also due to the fact that migrants, regardless of where they come from, are usually more active and hardworking than the local population, because their starting positions are initially much lower.
However, he considers Alperovich, due to the growing intolerance towards foreigners, especially towards those who have an unfavorable social status in terms of prestige and influence, the threat that everyday xenophobia can acquire the features of a public ideology is very high:
- However, xenophobia has such an effect that when interpersonal ties arise, all xenophobic prejudices go aside. I know a lot of anti-Semites who make an exception for the Jews they personally know, who say, they say, “you are normal, and all other Jews are bastards.” A person does not make an effort to overcome these xenophobic feelings.
According to Tajiks who grew up in a multicultural environment, in most cases, marriages with foreigners have a positive rather than a negative aspect. Zarina Kiyamova, daughter of a well-known theater director in Tajikistan Shamsi Kiyamova and the editor of the film studio Tajikfilm Lyubov Kiyamova, from childhood she grew up in an atmosphere of respect and love for Russian and Tajik culture and traditions.
- Children born in such marriages are able to absorb both cultures, they are more democratic. For example, the Turks at one time brought men and women from all over the world to bring a fresh stream into their culture and renew their blood. So they developed very well. Problems arise when religious foundations collide, when customs and traditions are misunderstood and rejected.
« Very often, children in such marriages know the language of the mother more than the language of the father, she says. - So that children do not move away from their father and his ancestors, are not cut off from their homeland, men should teach their children their native language».
However, Zarina Kiyamova I am sure that when deciding to marry a representative of another nation, it is necessary to understand that in order to create a favorable atmosphere in the house, spouses must show respect for mutual culture, traditions, religion, language and other values.
Hiromon Bakozoda, Mumin Ahmadi, RFE/RL Tajik Service
