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I saw many women who didn't want to

to have children and then regret it terribly.

And I don't know anyone who gave birth

child and regretted it at least once.

Oksana Onisimova

As a rule, having learned about pregnancy, women begin to concentrate on the problems and hardships associated with the birth of a child (this is especially true for those readers who have already thought about an abortion). They see many problems in front of them and do not see joy. Unfortunately, a whole generation of women has already been formed who do not understand what the happiness of motherhood is.

On forums, women quite sincerely ask the following questions: “I read so much about suffering during pregnancy, childbirth... etc., and my friends told me a lot. Many people complain that it’s hard for them... I have a simple question: is a child really worth it? Pain, damage to health, long break in my career (I won’t leave my child with nannies), deprivation of all past habits? What is such a joy of motherhood that you don’t feel sorry for losing it all? Sometimes it seems to me that my friends regret life without children.”

Television and the Internet popularly explain what a woman will lose when she becomes a mother: the opportunity to be free and enjoy life. Information about what motherhood gives, on the contrary, is extremely rare. But you can always look at the world differently. Some are focused on limitations, while others are focused on new opportunities.

Motherhood is an opportunity to throw out the “empty husk” from life and understand that happiness does not lie in new heels or fashionable parquet flooring, to realize on what trifles most of us waste our lives. And this does not mean that small, everyday joys will disappear altogether, they will remain, but joys of a different depth will be added to them. Thanks to the baby, you will have to learn to manage your own time, living three lives instead of one. A mother cannot afford to waste time on nonsense, and those joys that still remain will be many times more valuable. Of all her hobbies, whatever they may be - books, cinema, communication with friends, she will learn to choose only what is worthwhile and truly significant, to make choices, and to fill her time only with valuable things.

Motherhood is A New Look to a world that allows you to see through patterns and stereotypes, to see people - and not their clothes, success or status, and stop
wasting time on empty chatter with empty people, devoting time to those who are truly close, and letting go of those on whom it is a pity to waste time and life.
This the whole world, which reveals a lot of new things: girls with tattoos, fans of football teams, youth TV series, pink plush ponies... The mother’s world becomes wider, deeper, and her ideas about reality become more holistic, despite the fact that not all the facts included in her she may like life. Motherhood is the destruction of illusions. The child will never live up to expectations and this will make you realize how stupid it is to make plans. The baby will give you a great ability to accept life in its momentary joys and frustrations, teach you to love life keenly and every second, and not living in the gloss of marketing.

Unfortunately, in our age, women have forgotten how to love without demanding something in return. Love for a child is unconditional, there is no selfishness in it, and it is this kind of love that gives happiness, allowing you to forget about your own limitations. A mother loves her children, always forgiving and always wanting their best. In the most ordinary human being, his own mother, among other things, will always, without doubt, see the qualities of perfection, will always believe in their presence, and thereby help them to open up, in this also finding happiness. A mother's love is, in essence, an internal illuminating force to support another being in its desire to be and come true.
No woman, after bearing a child, can remain the same as she was before pregnancy. Each child, developing in the physical and subtle body of the mother, necessarily influences them. And the mother does not protect her internal environment, she allows all these changes, accepting them. In the process of spiritual practice, our personality and our bodies also transform, but their constancy is always guarded by the ego, striving to preserve the same form and not give up your positions. Future mother She is completely calm about the fact that she herself becomes a completely different person under the direct influence of the one who came to become. Just like pain and fear are two sides of the same coin, love and wisdom are two inseparable hypostases of the same perfection. By loving, a priori selflessly, unconditionally loving the child, the mother exceeds her limitations that arise when raising a child. This love gives her patience and wisdom.

Motherhood makes a woman strong. By protecting her baby from many life circumstances, from temptations, seductions and falls, she can become whole personality, capable of saying “no” and “yes” in spite of circumstances and influences where she is dictated by the feeling of the need for this for the good of the child. This is how she becomes determined and courageous. She becomes persistent, helping and supporting the child, cultivating in him faith in his own strengths and abilities. Developing with the child, she cultivates many new qualities. These qualities, maturing and developing in the mother, make her soul mature, that is, capable of seeing things in a clear light, distinguishing between transitory and essential values.

Every woman has a choice - to cling to her values, expectations and plans, illusions, or, accepting the challenge of life, begin to learn, change, grow.
Motherhood is a real treasure opportunities, discoveries, gems and lessons. And this is also a great experience for your soul. An experience that is truly valuable, perhaps even priceless. There are no analogues to this transformation and there cannot be. No amount of personal growth, psychology, or even “spiritual” development can replace it.

Motherhood is the best personal growth training and the best spiritual practice for women, forcing you not just to “know” something, but also to apply it around the clock, and live as they say in the books. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

“Why have children?” — this kind of question simply did not exist before. Today, almost every socially adapted woman asks herself this question.

But really, why?

The theory about a glass of water has never worked, and even more so in our time. Biological instinct? It is unlikely; against the backdrop of general egocentrism, its influence is negligible. Save the planet? I am begging you..

The desire to be loved and to love? Maybe yes. But you will have to love (read - give) much more than you receive in return. We ourselves, the children of our parents, know how it works, right?

Or maybe to “strengthen the marriage”? I think many people give birth for this reason.

The forum is now gaining popularity #happinessofmotherhood, where girls anonymously share their feelings. Many openly admit that they do not experience any happiness. Others are trying to cling to something. But the most heartbreaking thing is that the vast majority of new mothers begin to fiercely hate the fathers of their children.

Dreaming of leaving, and not “sealing the marriage.”

I don’t presume to draw conclusions about what happiness this really is. But to the question “why” I have the following position:

You need to have children for only one purpose - to serve them. Dedicate your life to them. Waste your life capital on them.

In my opinion, this is the most the right attitude per child. And the most profitable in the long term.

Every person must serve someone or something. People who are not obligated to anyone are, as a rule, unhappy, worthless and not needed by anyone. Just look at how the so-called “golden youth” are corrupted. No calling? Don't need to earn money and don't want a family? Is there no need to stress either? - welcome to degradation and decay.

A person who does not want to give his strength, his potential, to someone or something begins to be corroded from the inside.

Life capital is a vital resource that each of us, one way or another, will waste. You won't be able to take it with you. There is no point in saving until the very end - it will depreciate. Spending everything on yourself won’t work either; you can only save for yourself so that you can spend even more later.

Children are one of the main ways of spending.

The child is big, beautiful (in theory), long-term project. Real creativity.

It's hard, of course... But

Don’t writers and ballerinas “beat their heads against the wall” and they succeed without pain and irritation and the first time?

The Olympic champion wastes his life's resources on achieving results in his sport. Artist to create an exhibition. A ballerina works day after day, for years at the barre, to dance the main role at the Bolshoi Theater.

The mother spends her resources on raising the child.

Please note that there are no guarantees here or there. You can break your leg at 27 and be left without medals or profession. You can paint a million paintings and not sell a single one. You can raise a child who doesn't become a genius.

Or maybe vice versa. And everything is fine with the children and with business and even in creativity there is continuous success.

It happens, don’t you believe it? look at instagram

So I don’t believe it. Only a few can embrace the immensity.

So, the problem of #happinessofmotherhood can be divided into several parts:

• They take on a project, but do not count on the strength to complete it.
• Or they don’t perceive motherhood as a life project at all.
• In the process they understand that this is not at all what they want.

As you can see, all these points can easily be applied to any type of life activity. Business. Sport. Marriage. Creation. We understand that out of a thousand athletes, only a few reach Olympic heights. Not every thousand businessmen makes it onto the Forbes list. But one way or another, there is effort everywhere.

What a blessing it is - Motherhood!
Hear the long-awaited first cry,
Feel the sacred unity
And remember this moment forever.

Hi all! My name is Elena, I am 32 years old, St. Petersburg. Being pregnant, I decided to add my own story to my collection of stories. Now I'm keeping my promise.
My long-awaited baby, first-born. Why so late? So I ask myself... I studied and studied, worked, made a career, organized my own business, first one, then another, in a word, life is a seething, boiling volcanic fountain...
My husband and I have been married for 6 years, of course we talked about having a child, but we were planning for another year or so...
And at the end of November 2008, without waiting for my period on the right day (and I have had it every day, minute by minute for many years), something stirred in my soul, but I decided that it was all to blame for my crazy rhythm of life and business trips to regions with different climates and time zones. A few more days passed... I told my husband about this, and he is my professor of medicine, a wise and experienced man (we a big difference aged), to which my husband told me that for several days nothing has been said... But doubts gnawed at me, I bought several tests from different companies and the most expensive ones, just to be sure...
When I lowered the strip, my hands were trembling, I closed my eyes and prayed that the second strip would appear... and it did, Lord, words cannot describe what happened to me then, as if a wave of tenderness and love washed over me... I took my breath away, tears dripped from my eyes in hailstones ( I haven’t cried for many years)… Without leaving the bathroom, I called my mother and only she answered me and heard my sobs - she understood everything and we cried silently on the phone.
Then my husband and I drank champagne all night with tears... and our new pregnant life began.
I am an adult girl, experienced, well-read, at first I was expecting all sorts of pregnancy delights: toxicosis, swelling, exacerbations of all chronic diseases and other joys... but they were not there and never were... But a thousand and one doubts settled in me, a million worries, and a bunch of fussy, always buzzing thoughts.
The rhythm of life did not change, she continued to work, even before the good news she signed up for driving courses, which she continued to attend regularly...
I didn’t want to go to the clinic, constantly working in the medical environment (I’m not a doctor, but nevertheless), I guessed what awaited me... And so it happened... Unfortunately, in our country, pregnancy is not a holiday and the natural state of a healthy young woman, and a serious illness - from the point of view of our wonderful medicine... But what can we do, we live in such a country. I became registered at 12 weeks... It could have been later. Registration – queue, no tickets... ordinary story, spent half the day waiting for an appointment, the sour faces of the doctor and nurse, the chair, the examination and other joys...
The pregnancy was going normally, I didn’t feel anything at all, I was only tired of endless tests, I had practically no deep veins to be found, no matter what they did to my hands: they beat me, and hot water They watered me, and tied them with tourniquets in several places, and stabbed, stabbed, stabbed, in the crooks of my elbows, in my hands, in one word they tortured me...
At 17 weeks I went for an ultrasound with my doctor friend; I decided not to take my husband with me for the first time. When I heard the baby’s heart on the ultrasound and saw someone very small on the monitor, I greeted him: “So we met you, baby.” The doctor said that everything is normal and it looks like it will be a girl, but not yet for sure...
Here I was confused, because... I didn’t even think that I could become a mother to a girl, because even in my childhood dreams I always thought that I would have a son, and then suddenly a girl...
Mentally, I began to persuade myself that a girl is also good, frilly bows, dolls and other attributes... I selected a name in my mind and even settled on Varenka, when at the second ultrasound my baby clearly showed his belonging to male, the husband, standing nearby and looking at the monitor, did not see anything, because... Tears prevented me from looking at my husband, tears prevented me from looking at the monitor and the doctor doing the ultrasound, and only my loud exclamations of “Look, it’s a boy!!!” made them finally see everything they needed.
Then time flew by quickly, my baby grew and communicated with me, pushed, hiccupped... everything was as it should... True, the doctor who took care of my pregnancy said, what is it that you are already in your seventh month, and you have never been in the hospital for saving... I had a fight with her and naturally didn’t go anywhere.
In the eighth month of pregnancy, I passed all the exams myself and received a driver’s license.
The time has come to choose a maternity hospital, we approached the choice thoroughly, having the opportunity, my husband made inquiries at the city Health Committee, where they named the five best, among which I chose maternity hospital No. 1 on Vasilyevsky Island, it was August and two others that I liked more (Otta and First Honey Maternity Hospital) were closed for ventilation.
Mom arrived (she and dad live in another city), she supported me a lot, she and I packed the “worrying suitcase of a woman in labor” and did a lot of preparatory little things.
The deadline was set for August 3-5. We went to the maternity hospital to conclude a contract and conduct a preliminary examination at 37 weeks. Deputy The chief doctor who was supposed to take my birth was on vacation, examined me and said that I would most likely give birth at 41 weeks, that is, he would have time to take off his vacation, but just in case, he introduced me to his deputy, a wonderful doctor Shcherbina Larisa Anatolyevna, she entered the room and, it seems, the sun began to shine brighter, I really liked her at first sight.
Since we live outside the city, we decided to go to the maternity hospital earlier so as not to give birth in a car near open bridges at night. On August 5, my husband and I went to the maternity hospital and both cried all the way, we were never apart for more than 2 days, and then there was such an exciting event ahead... In general, we arrived, I was admitted to the prenatal department in a paid 2-bed ward, the conditions are not so great, but this is not a resort, you have to understand, everything is very neat, clean, without a hospital smell, the staff is very friendly, everyone is smiling, interested in your well-being...
My husband called every 10-15 minutes, so many kind and tender words and I haven’t heard declarations of love from him in all 6 years life together, It was very nice.
They examined me, gave me injections, IVs - they prepared me for childbirth, but I was not ready, I had very strong muscles, a long cervix, big baby(An ultrasound in the maternity hospital showed 3800), in a word, they suggested doing a caesarean section or giving birth for a couple of days with stimulants, my husband and I decided to have a caesarean section so as not to harm the baby and also to spare me... The operation was scheduled for August 10, just the day my doctor returned from vacation . The consultation took place on August 6. I calmed down, because... certainty appeared and began to wait.
On August 7, the baby was pushing very actively, but I didn’t attach any importance to it, at night (at 4.20) I woke up because something was flowing from me, but I wasn’t peeing, I didn’t understand right away when I was half asleep, but then it dawned on me, it started! !! I couldn’t sleep, I jumped out of bed... frantically began to throw some things on the floor, towels, it just poured out of me in a torrent and a lot... The neighbor went to the nurses’ station, they came to me, gave me a huge bundle of sheets as a pad and took me to examination, despite the gasket, I flooded the entire corridor... On the way, I managed to call my husband so that he would call my doctor’s deputy - Larisa Anatolyevna Shcherbina, sat down on the chair... and oh, happiness, it was Larisa Anatolyevna who was the doctor on duty that day, I was lucky . She examines me and at that moment my husband calls her, in general we laughed. But my cervix did not want to open, moreover, there was not even a hint that it was the cervix of a pregnant woman, there were no contractions at all, the water flowed like a stream... In general, they did all the cosmetic and hygienic procedures for me and took me to the operating room , all this time I was waiting for at least one contraction to feel what it was, but alas, nothing... In the meantime, I signed all the certificates and papers that I was warned about the consequences and side effects anesthesia... they changed me into paper shirt, laid him on the table, put warm shoe covers on his feet, and inserted a catheter into urethra(a very unpleasant procedure), everyone was very attentive. And Larisa Anatolyevna had 23 births and 5 cesareans in that 24 hours, I was the 6th, but despite the wild fatigue, she joked with me and even sang a song, amazing person! Then I was given anesthesia, and the last thing I remember was Larisa Anatolyevna saying: “Let’s go!”... I woke up in the operating room, everything was swimming before my eyes, I couldn’t move my lips, but with some completely wild effort, she asked me if I was a boy and Is everything okay with him? The anesthesiologist shook his head affirmatively and I passed out. My baby was born on 08.08.09 at 6.07 am, weight 3300, 51 cm, 9/8 according to APGAR.
They took me to the intensive care ward, gave me a heating pad with ice, pressed it on my cut stomach and told me to do the same, it was painful and cold... but they warmed me up phone calls, everyone already knew, they called and congratulated me... in the afternoon I was transferred to the intensive care ward, instead of beds there were gurneys with a thin layer of flattened foam rubber, my stomach hurt like crazy, I really wanted to clear my throat after the tracheal tube that was inserted into my throat during the operation, but what kind of coughing is there? , it was difficult to breathe... In the evening, my mother and husband came with armfuls of white roses. Without saying a word, my brother (he lives in the USA) sent me a bouquet of 61 white roses by courier service, and my husband bought 71 white rose, they didn’t even want to let them into the maternity hospital with such a rose garden, the sisters were looking for buckets on the floors, and my whole room was buried in flowers. Then all the employees came to my room as if on an excursion, to look at the flowers, it was very pleasant. Then they brought the baby, and for the first time I saw my miracle, the long-awaited, beloved, dearest creature in the world. Being pregnant, I was afraid that I would be confused, that I wouldn’t know what to do with him, how to approach him, but when I saw him, I immediately realized that I had known and been able to do everything for a long time...
I would like to sincerely thank the wonderful staff of maternity hospital No. 1 of St. Petersburg on Vasilievsky Island, they are super-professionals, and at the same time kind and sensitive people. Special thanks to Larisa Anatolyevna Shcherbina - a doctor from God, bow to her and may God give her health and strength to help many, many more babies be born.
Now my son Daniil is 6 months old, we have 3 teeth, we are growing, we are trying, and we wish the same for you!
I finally realized what it means to be a real woman, I am happy to take care of the baby, housekeeping, I even got chickens... My husband is not overjoyed at this transformation of a business woman into a housewife... And I began to catch myself thinking that I already want a girl...
Good luck to all, desired pregnancies, easy birth and healthy babies!!!