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Get out of the love triangle. How? Karpman Triangle: Games People Play

Karpman's triangle can be called a kind of game that is a reflection of reality. This is a kind of model of the relationship between the personalities of people of three completely different types. The author of an interesting theory is Stephen Karpman.

Characteristics of the Karpman triangle model

Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer are the main roles in the Karpman triangle model, between which there is a special relationship. The Victim and the Persecutor often conflict with each other, and the Rescuer selflessly comes to the aid of the victim. Such a frustrating situation can last quite a long time, and be measured not in months, but in years. The paradox of this circumstance lies in the fact that all participants in the model are satisfied with their chosen roles. The Persecutor can fully demonstrate the strength of his personality, the Victim has a chance to shift the responsibility for his failures to others, and the Rescuer gets real satisfaction from the opportunity to help and help out of difficult circumstances.

The constancy of the chosen roles in the Karpman triangle is really just an illusion. Very often, according to the situation, the Victim turns into the Persecutor, the Rescuer adheres to the role of the Victim, etc. Such transformations are not constant, and rarely occur.

codependent relationship

The Karpman triangle is a fairly common phenomenon that can be observed in relationships between many people. In fact, despite all the conflict in the situation, the warring parties depend on each other, and do not represent another life. This psychological phenomenon can be called co-dependent relationships, in which individuals of different types assert themselves at the expense of each other. The victim is satisfied with the dominance of the Persecutor, and the Rescuer can show his suppressed aggression towards the second in the form of help to the first. Thus, relations take the form of a closed triangle, and not one of the participants in the conflict wants to break out of it.

Role of the Victim

In Karpman's triangle of personality in the role of the Victim:

They try to win everyone's attention and sympathy;
They want to relieve themselves of responsibility for everything that happens;
They are excellent manipulators;
Capable of provoking aggressors.

The role of the Victim in the Karpman triangle is considered the main one, since this character is quickly able to switch and find himself in the role of the Rescuer or the Persecutor, still not changing his principles and desire to shift responsibility. Karpman believed that there are situations where the triangle consists only of characters of this personality type. In order to get out of the role of the Victim, it is necessary to adjust the emotional mood and realize that it is impossible to change life without taking responsibility.

Role of the Stalker

For a character in the role of the Pursuer, it is characteristic:

Striving for dominance and leadership;
Manipulation of the Victim, due to which he receives moral satisfaction and self-affirmation;
Oppression of others and at the same time the full justification of their actions.

A feature of the Persecutor's behavior is that if he encounters resistance from the Victim, he will regard this as additional approval for maintaining his chosen behavior strategy.

The Role of the Rescuer

The purpose of the Rescuer is to protect the Victim. The person in the role of the Rescuer is distinguished by a high desire for the manifestation of aggression, which he tries with all his might to suppress. The final goal of the Rescuer is paradoxical: he is absolutely not going to “rescue” the Victim. In fact, he needs it so that, under the pretext of guardianship, there will be an opportunity to finally show hidden aggression towards the Persecutor. To realize his real motives, he is not at all interested in the Victim leaving the triangle.

How to get out of the Karpman triangle

People quite often unconsciously find themselves in the Karpman triangle under the influence of various life circumstances and situations. If you often experience psychological discomfort, then you probably turned out to be a participant in the described triangle. In order to get out of the "game", it is necessary to determine your role in a timely manner. To do this, try to objectively assess your behavior.

Try to get rid of the habit of making excuses;
Have the courage to take action on your own;
Realize that only you are responsible for your problems;
You need to pay for the service rendered;
You should not push the heads of the Pursuer and the Rescuer, but try to get the maximum benefit from communicating with them.

Recommendations for the Stalker

People can also have their own point of view, you should not impose your views on them;
No one is to blame for your failures but you;
Try to find other ways of self-realization, dominance over others is not the best option;
Before you show aggression, think about how much the situation needs the manifestation of such behavior.
You can achieve your goal by motivating people, and not by endless pressure on them.

Recommendations for the Rescuer

Try to fulfill yourself not at the expense of the problems of others;
If you want to help - do it for free;
Feel free to say that by helping, you are pursuing your own benefit;
Adhere to the main principle: do not interfere unless you are asked.

Life examples of the Karpman triangle

A familiar to most illustration of such an interaction between the relationship of husband, wife and mother-in-law. In this example, the wife gets the role of the Victim, the husband is the Rescuer, and the mother-in-law is the Persecutor. The mother-in-law constantly rots the wife, and the husband tries to improve relations between the participants in the conflict. Roles between family members may change depending on the circumstances. The attitude towards the child in the family can also serve as a good example. Both parents behave differently: one adheres to strictness, the other spoils his child. The child in this case, playing the role of the Victim between the Rescuer and the Persecutor, achieves the development of a "heat of passion" between the parents in order to evade possible punishment.

conclusions

There is nothing wrong with realizing that you are in the Karpman triangle. Definitely similar relationships overtake many. The main thing is to realize your role in a timely manner and harmoniously get out of this model. Not everyone can accept their mistakes and conduct introspection. Therefore, if it is difficult for you to objectively assess the situation, try to follow the recommendations: the Victim comes to terms with the real circumstances and accepts them, the Persecutor finds non-aggressive sources of self-expression, the Rescuer understands that one should not rush to provide assistance.

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The Karpman triangle is the most common model of relationships between people. It was first described by the classic of transactional analysis Stephen Karpman in 1968. People manipulate each other, depend on each other and get very tired of it. There is very little happiness in such relationships. As well as the strength to make a difference. But there is a way out of this.

website tell you about the Karpman triangle. After all, in order to solve a problem, you must first understand it.

Karpman triangle

Two, three, and whole groups of people can spin in a triangle. But the roles in
there are always three: the victim, the controller-dictator, the savior. Members of the Triangle
periodically change roles, but they are all manipulators and great
ruin the lives of themselves and those around them.

Victim

For the victim, life is suffering. Everyone is unfair to her, she gets tired and does not
copes. She's embarrassed, she's scared, she's embarrassed. She is envious and jealous. She lacks the strength, the time, and the desire to do something to improve her life. She is inert. She is afraid of life and expects only bad things from it.

Controller Dictator

He also looks at life as an enemy and a source of problems. He's tense
irritated, angry and afraid. He cannot forget past problems and constantly
prophesies new troubles in the future. He controls and criticizes his neighbors, feels an unbearable burden of responsibility and gets very tired of it. His energy is at zero.

Savior

He feels pity for the victim and anger for the controller. He considers himself
head above the rest and revels in the realization of his mission. But in fact, he does not save anyone, because no one asked him about it. His need is an illusion, and the purpose of his actions and advice is self-affirmation, and not real help.

How it works

The controller-dictator haunts the victim, builds it, forces it and criticizes it.
The victim tries, suffers, gets tired and complains. The Savior comforts, advises,
exposes his ears and vest for tears. Participants periodically change roles.

Such a melodrama can last for many years, people may not even realize that
firmly stuck in a triangle. They may think that in fact they are satisfied with this state of affairs. The controller has someone to pour out his negativity on and someone to blame for his troubles, the victim receives sympathy and gets rid of responsibility for his life, the savior enjoys the role of a hero.

They all depend on each other, because they see the source of their problems in another person. And they endlessly try to change a person so that he serves their goals.

Partners switch between the roles of the triangle and then control, then
save each other. And such a relationship is definitely not about love. About desire
dominate, self-pity, exhausting claims and unheard
excuses. But not about love, not about support, not about happiness.

When a family lives in the Karpman triangle, switching between
roles, then the child that has appeared will inevitably be drawn into this triangle. Most likely, he will be limited in independence, choice, decision-making. Not on purpose, just people living in the triangle think that they are protecting their child in this way. Such parents often play on a sense of duty, shame, guilt, pity.

Is there a way out of the triangle?

It is necessary to realize that in order to fulfill their own desires, a person needs only himself. You need to take your life into your own hands and act without regard to anyone.

How to get out of the triangle if you are a victim

Stop complaining about life. At all. Spend this time looking for opportunities to improve things that you don't like.
Remember once and for all: no one owes you anything. Even if they promised, if they really wanted to, if they themselves offered. Circumstances are constantly changing, as are human desires. Yesterday they wanted to give you something, today they no longer want to. Stop waiting for salvation.
Everything you do is your choice and your responsibility. And you have the right to make another choice if this one does not suit you.
Don't make excuses or beat yourself up if you feel like you're not living up to someone else's expectations.

How to get out of the triangle if you are a controller

Stop blaming other people and circumstances for your problems.
No one is obligated to conform to your ideas of what is right and wrong. People are different, situations are different, if you don't like something, just don't deal with it.
Resolve differences peacefully, without anger and aggression.
Stop asserting yourself at the expense of those who are weaker than you.

How to get out of the triangle if you are a savior

If you are not asked for help or advice, be silent.
Stop thinking that you know better how to live, and that without your most valuable recommendations, the world will collapse.
Don't make rash promises.
Stop waiting for gratitude and praise. You help because you want to help, not for honors and awards, right?
Before you rush to “do good”, ask yourself honestly: is your intervention so necessary and effective?
Stop asserting yourself at the expense of those who are a little more indiscreet in their complaints about life.

What can you turn a triangle into?

If you set yourself a goal to get out of the triangle and follow it step by step, changes will not be long in coming. You will have more time and energy, it will become easier to breathe and more interesting to live. The tension in the relationship is likely to ease.

Victim turns into hero. Now, instead of complaining about fate, a person fights with failures, but experiences not exhaustion, but excitement. Solving problems, he does not complain to everyone around, but enjoys being able to solve them.
Controller transforms into philosopher. Watching the actions of the hero from the side, he no longer criticizes, does not worry about the result. It accepts any result. He knows that everything will turn out for the best in the end.
Savior becomes motivator. He provokes the hero to exploits, describing brilliant prospects. He looks for opportunities to use the power of the hero and pushes him to accomplish.

And this is a healthier and happier model of relationships between people.

Ideal Triangle Model

There is even more happiness and energy in this triangle.

Hero becomes winner. He performs feats not for the sake of praise, but for the creative use of energy. He does not need laurels, he enjoys the very process of creativity, the opportunity to change something for the better in this world.
Philosopher turns into contemplative. He sees such connections in the world that are not available to others. He is aware of new possibilities and generates ideas.
motivator transforms into strategist. He knows exactly how to realize the ideas of the contemplator.

It is important to be able to adequately assess the situation. See when they are trying to manipulate you, and not slide into a soap opera of debilitating relationships. Do not play the roles imposed on you, know how to get up and leave when you see that things are not clean.

Are you familiar with Karpman triangle scenarios? Share with us your experience.

The Karpman triangle is a model of relationships between individuals of three different types. This is a kind of game that reflects reality. The author of this theory is Stephen Karpman.

Karpman triangle: model description

This model implies the division of personalities into three types: Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. A conflict arises between the first and second, but the third is trying to resolve the situation and help out the victim. A feature of this model is that such a situation can persist for many years, to some extent arranging for each of the parties. The Persecutor, as he terrorizes others, the Victim finds satisfaction in shifting responsibility for his failures to others, but the Rescuer sees his destiny in helping out each and every one of difficult situations.

Despite the fact that the roles in the Karpman triangle are clearly distributed, this does not mean that they always remain so. It is difficult for people to constantly adhere to the same position, and therefore the Victim can sometimes turn into the Persecutor, the Rescuer into the Victim, and so on. It should be noted that these transformations are not permanent, but are episodic.

codependent relationship

If we make it a rule to analyze the situations taking place around us, then we can conclude that many of them illustrate the Karpman triangle. Codependent relationships are a kind of synonym, or the basis of this psychological phenomenon. This refers to a situation where certain types of personality are in conflict, but at the same time they absolutely cannot imagine their life without each other.

The Victim, the Persecutor and the Rescuer are the main actors on whose interaction the Karpman triangle is based. The co-dependent relationship between them is based on the fact that they are self-fulfilling at the expense of each other. Thus, the Victim finds its justification in the attacks of the Persecutor, who, in turn, receives satisfaction by dominating her. The Rescuer, on the other hand, shows his aggression towards the Pursuer under the pretext of protecting a vicious circle (or rather, a triangle), which is not so easy to break. The main difficulty is that the subjects themselves do not want this.

Role of the Victim

One of the roles of this is the Victim. Karpman's triangle implies that such individuals tend to completely relieve themselves of responsibility for the events taking place in their lives. In addition, such a person tries in every possible way to achieve attention and compassion for himself. Another option is the provocation of the aggressors. Having achieved his goal, the Victim begins to manipulate them, demanding some compensation.

It is worth noting that Karpman assigns key importance to the Victim in his triangle. This is due to the fact that this character can quickly turn into a Chaser or a Rescuer. At the same time, the Victim does not fundamentally change his beliefs, still striving to avoid any responsibility for his actions.

It is worth noting that in some situations only the Karpman triangle consists of characters of this type. You can get out of the Victim only by changing the emotional background. She must feel the possibility of making changes in her life, and also realize the fact that they are impossible without taking responsibility.

Role of the Stalker

The persecutor, by nature, strives for leadership and dominance over others. He tries to manipulate the Victim, fully justifying these actions in his mind. It is quite natural that the object of attacks begins to resist in every possible way. By suppressing this protest, the Persecutor asserts himself and receives moral satisfaction. Thus, it can be judged that the oppression of others is his basic need.

Another feature of the role of the Pursuer can be considered that his actions are not groundless. Within himself, he finds a complete justification and explanation for them. The absence of such can completely destroy his beliefs. However, if the Persecutor encounters resistance from the Victim, then this is an additional incentive to maintain his line of behavior.

The Role of the Rescuer

The rescuer is a rather complex figure from a psychological point of view. There is a desire for the manifestation of aggression in him, which he stubbornly suppresses in himself. For one reason or another, this person cannot become a Persecutor, and therefore he has to look for another use for his unused resources. He finds his purpose in protecting the Victim.

It is worth noting that the ultimate goal of the Rescuer is not at all to bring the Victim out of the "distressed" situation. In this case, he risks losing the path of his self-realization. And it lies in the fact that the Rescuer manifests in relation to the Persecutor under the pretext of protecting the Victim. From this we can conclude that it is not profitable for him to leave the triangle.

How to get out of the triangle

We constantly find ourselves in certain life situations, and sometimes we create them ourselves. Finding a way out of the Karpman triangle is sometimes a difficult task. The longer we are exposed to others, the deeper we become mired in their scenarios and intrigues. If you feel psychological discomfort, then you just need to end your participation in this triangle.

The first step to solving the problem is to recognize that this situation can be described as Karpman's triangle. How to get out of this dependence is largely determined by the role played. It is not so easy to determine it, because sometimes you can draw unpleasant conclusions for yourself. However, in order to solve the problem, you will need to objectively consider your behavior in order to determine whether you are the Victim, the Persecutor, or the Rescuer.

This figure is one of the most complex and key in such a model as the Karpman triangle. How to get out of the role of the Victim? It is quite difficult, but you can make the task easier by following some recommendations:

you should gradually begin to take independent steps to improve your life;
it is important to stop shifting responsibility for your problems and troubles to others;
understand that you will have to pay to some extent for each service rendered to you;
get rid of the habit of making excuses - you have every right to follow at your own discretion;
if a Rescuer has appeared in your life, try to benefit from communication with him, without trying to push him against the Persecutor.

The following actions will help the rescuer to leave the Karpman triangle:

if no request for help has been received, then in no case do not interfere in other people's relations;
do not consider yourself smarter than others;
before making promises to anyone, make sure you are 100% sure that you are able to fulfill them;
if you yourself volunteer to help, then you should not count on gratitude;
if you are providing assistance in order to receive a benefit or a reciprocal favor, do not hesitate to talk about it;
find a path of self-realization that does not involve interfering in other people's problems;
if you feel your calling in helping others, then do it where it is really needed.

If the Karpman triangle has become an undesirable situation for the Pursuer, then he should start working on himself in the following areas:

before showing aggression towards others, you must clearly make sure that it is not groundless, but is the result of someone's indecent behavior;
you must realize that you tend to make mistakes just like other people;
look for the cause of your problems and failures in your behavior, and not in the people around you;
understand the fact that, just as you do not consider it necessary to reckon with an alternative opinion, other people also do not at all have to accept your point of view;
find for yourself other ways of self-realization, except how to oppress others and dominate them;
achieve your advantage by motivating people, not by pressure on them.

Karpman triangle: real life examples

In ordinary life, there are quite a few situations that can illustrate the Karpman triangle. So, the most common example is the relationship of a wife, husband and mother-in-law. The first, of course, acts as the Victim, which is constantly terrorized by the Persecutor (it is easy to guess that this is the mother of the spouse). The husband in this game acts as a Rescuer who is trying to establish relationships between members of his family. In the process of resolving or aggravating the conflict, its participants can change positions, moving to other roles.

Another example of the Karpman triangle is raising a child in a family. The Persecutor parent is a strict parent, while the Rescuer parent pities and spoils their child. The child, in this case, occupies Not wanting to follow strict rules, he pits the Persecutor and the Rescuer. Having solved his problem in this way, he goes into the shadows, and the conflict between his parents continues to develop.

conclusions

Most of the situations that occur in our lives can fall under the description of the theory of the Karpman triangle. No matter how hard we try, no one can avoid taking the role of the Victim, the Persecutor or the Aggressor in this or that situation. Nevertheless, the game can be delayed, which is fraught with serious psychological and practical problems. Then the moment comes to get out of this model.

Getting out of the Karpman triangle is possible only if you are clearly aware of your role in this game. It is not so easy to do this, because not everyone is given a sober assessment of the situation and admitting their vices. If you were able to clearly assess your role, then it remains only to follow the appropriate recommendations.

To leave the Karpman Triangle, the Victim must learn to accept responsibility for their own failures. As for the Persecutor, he should find another source of self-expression, in addition to unmotivated aggression and humiliation of the dignity of others. The rescuer, on the other hand, must realize that he may not always be right, and therefore there is no need to rush to help if there is no corresponding request.

Our life is a series of interconnected situations and interactions. Much effort has been made by psychologists and psychoanalysts to describe the behavior of the unique person in universal theories. Each of us is unique, but the psyche is a mechanism that, when faced with various life situations, works according to certain patterns. Among them, the so-called triangle of fate is distinguished - a model with a romantic name and a dramatic essence.

What is the Karpman Triangle

In psychology, a new concept came in 1968 thanks to Stefan Karpman, MD, a student of Eric Berne, author of the book Games People Play. He was a theorist and practitioner of transactional analysis, studying the behavioral factors that affect the interaction of individuals. The scientist described one of the most common models of interaction, reflecting codependency that develops according to a certain scenario. It has been called "Karpman's Drama Triangle". The model is often used in psychotherapy and manifests itself in everyday, work, everyday communication.

The essence of the triangle

There is a triangle, each peak is a certain role that a person takes in a given situation: a rescuer, a victim, an aggressor (sometimes called a persecutor or a tyrant). The roles are closely related and complement each other. Two, three, four or more can participate in a psychological game, but there are always three roles. Another feature is that in a different environment a person may have different positions in the triangle. For example, at work, the boss, the fighter, and the savior in the family. In the most destructive way, the model manifests itself in close or family relationships.

The essence of interaction within the triangle is the search for the guilty and the shifting of responsibility:

Almost always, the victim appears first, who is assigned a pseudo-dramatic role, this is an eternally deprived sufferer.
What follows is a fun fact: the victim chooses a persecutor, an aggressor who oppresses her. Finds an external imaginary cause of suffering, then looks for someone who will protect and help - a rescuer.
Once the hero is found, the triangle theory kicks in, the victim begins to manipulate. Moreover, the pursuer often does not suspect that he has become a participant in the game.
Such relationships are always destructive, in the end everyone suffers, but no one breaks the chain, as everyone pursues a certain benefit.

codependent relationship

Participants in communication, blaming others for personal problems, delegate responsibility for their own actions, while receiving strong emotional nourishment. This kind of self-realization gives rise to co-dependent relationships with a fixation on another person. This interaction:

based on emotional dynamics, selfishness;
excludes a rational context.

The drama triangle, or the triangle of fate, is dynamic, and therein lies the danger. Each role leads to a specific goal, which the addict unconsciously pursues. For example, self-affirmation, attracting attention, including negative attention, shifting responsibility, the implementation of unresolved internal states. The roles are shuffled at the moment the rescuer appears, it becomes more difficult to understand the relationships.

An example of transitions of roles, changes, tasks and motives for actions schematically looks like this:

The true aggressor blames the victim.
The victim considers the aggressor guilty, receives a legitimate, in her opinion, opportunity to suffer, while looking for someone who will help.
The rescuer, pursuing a personal goal, hurries to intervene.
The victim becomes insufficient third-party attention, efforts.
The waning desire to help, coupled with the growing demand for help, leads to a reversal of roles: the victim becomes the aggressor (because he demands), the former rescuer becomes the new victim.
The new sufferer seeks outside help, both for himself and for the old victim. And the lifeguards for each will be different.
The old victim, she is the aggressor in relation to the former rescuer, also rushes in search and finds a new rescuer.
The true aggressor is often unaware of the change of position that has taken place.
The new rescuer rises up against the true aggressor, thereby bringing him into the status of a victim.

This is one of the possible scenarios. The sequence may change, but the essence and motives remain unchanged. The triangle is closed, and the roles move from participant to participant, with each trying on several roles at the same time. Events according to the model can occur indefinitely, until at least someone leaves the game. Each character, as mentioned earlier, experiences certain feelings and emotions on which we are dependent. This is the reason why the game starts.

Victim

This character is characterized by passive behavior, helplessness, weakness, does not see the opportunity to influence his problem. Actions are detached, words and thoughts are of this nature: I am not able to solve the problem, why is it always me, my situation is hopeless, they treated me low. The main desire is to relieve oneself of responsibility, to stabilize self-esteem. To justify their failure, an aggressor and a rescuer are needed. Moreover, both will be accused in different ways of personal troubles.

Feelings like this:

guilt;
helplessness;
resentment;
hopelessness;
uselessness;
fear;
voltage;
self-pity;
confusion;
incorrect actions;
suffering;
the need for protection.

Pursuer

The character is aggressive, prone to accusations, acts in his own interests. The controller, whose favorite pastime is the search for flaws in others, criticism. It manifests itself through thoughts and phrases: everything should happen in my opinion, control is needed, mistakes should be punished. The tyrant receives a share of attention, relieves himself of responsibility, blaming others, approaches decisions from a position of strength, orders. He attacks the victim for self-realization. In the game, he needs a rescuer who will not let the victim be ruined.

Feelings like this:

aggression;
excitement;
confidence in the correctness of actions;
anger;
irritation;
feeling of struggle for justice;
desire to pay;
narcissism;
desire to dominate and suppress;
feeling of power;
unwillingness to engage in dialogue.

Rescuer

The character is characterized by passive-aggressive behavior, the result of his actions does not solve the problem, but only causes discontent. He believes that he must help, without personal participation the situation will not be resolved. Benefits from solving someone else's problem instead of his own. The victim is necessary to realize oneself, to stabilize self-esteem, and the aggressor is necessary to prevent the salvation of the victim.

Rescuer feels:

a pity;
confidence;
superiority;
impossibility to refuse;
compassion;
a responsibility;
empathy;
desire to accomplish a deed.

Exit from the Karpman triangle

Relationships based on the principle of psychological games are a replacement for real closeness between people, a way to accumulate negativity, get stuck in unresolved problems. All emotions inside the triangle are a substitution of true feelings and experiences. It's like counterfeit money, similar but not real. In addition, each role requires energy, constant nourishment, but does not bring the desired self-realization.

It is difficult to manipulate a psychologically mature person, free from internal complexes. She will not let herself be drawn into the game or quickly leave, not succumbing to provocations. If the problem is noticed, then its resolution is carried out by internal processing of experiences, removal from emotional hooks. First of all, the success of exiting the game depends on the desire to stop walking in a vicious circle.

Getting out of addictions begins with assessing the situation, taking part, understanding which of the angles was incoming: the victim, the rescuer or the aggressor. Sometimes it's more difficult than we'd like. You may not be aware of the involvement in the game. Often this happens with the aggressor, who is always right and does everything in the only right way. The rest of the characters, if they are aware of their roles, then firmly believe that it has nothing to do with it, they were drawn in by accident, against their will. The main thing is to remember that the longer you are inside the triangle, the more firmly you get bogged down in the web of mutual manipulations.

How to get out of the role of the Victim

Being the key and the most psychologically complex character, he can get out of the triangle by following the recommendations:

Start step by step to take responsibility for yourself, your life.
Forget about the possibility of shifting responsibility and waiting for salvation. Instead, look for your own ways, solutions, make plans.
Eradicate the habit of making excuses, apologizing for the actions taken.
To develop a sense of self-love, to realize that any failure is an experience.
To react to the actions of an aggressive provocateur with indifference, to respond to the rescuer with a refusal.

From the role of the Rescuer

The psychological triangle of Karpman will be left behind for the hero if you follow simple steps:

Do not intervene, if there were no requests for help, become a contemplative.
Leave worries about other people's emotions, show healthy skepticism.
Before making a promise, evaluate the possibility of fulfillment.
Offering help, do not count on a reward, or voice your wishes.
Find options for self-realization, inner satisfaction, which bypass interference in someone else's life.
If intuition tells you that help is an inner calling, then realize yourself where it is really needed.

To exit the game, the aggressor must adhere to the following rules:

Aggression should not be groundless, check this fact before generating a conflict.
Realize that you make mistakes just like those around you.
Look for the root cause in personal behavior, not in the environment.
Recognize the fact that no one is obligated to accept your beliefs, just as you are not obligated to accept it.
Do not try on the appearance of a teacher, realize yourself in a different way.
Benefit by motivating others by eliminating pressure.

Real life examples

Situations that can fit into a dramatic triangle surround from all sides. An inconsistency may occur:

between relatives - husband, wife, children, grandparents;
at work - between a boss and a subordinate or with the involvement of third parties;
in the treatment of addictions, the addict, his relatives and the doctor are involved in the process;
in personal relationships - a love triangle.

A classic example is family relationships. The roles are distributed extremely simply: the wife (victim) is under the yoke of the mother-in-law (persecutor), the husband (rescuer) will be a buffer between the two characters. The son quarrels with his mother about the eternal nit-picking of his wife, which brings her to tears. The wife suddenly takes the side of her mother-in-law, complaining about the disrespectful attitude of her son towards his mother. The wounded husband, who, out of good intentions, helped his wife, goes on the offensive. So the rescuer becomes the pursuer, the victim becomes the rescuer, the pursuer becomes the victim.

An example, when three roles are distributed between two characters, clearly describes the relationship of the couple. The husband (victim) drowns out problems and his own guilt for them in a glass. The wife (pursuer) nags, accuses him of drunkenness, telling how he is wrong, but with every binge he rushes to treat alcoholism, solder with brine and help, transforming into a rescuer. Having drunk, the husband can wander from the victim to the aggressor, and when sober, he can be a lifeguard, making amends for the drunken brawl.

Not only adults can be involved in the game. As an example, the position of the child within the family. There are two parents, one of which is a persecutor, chooses the whip method in education, the other is a rescuer, an adherent of pampering. The child in this situation is in the position of the victim, who does not like strict rules. Therefore, he confronts the pursuer with the rescuer. The conflict between parents develops, and the child, having solved the problem, goes into the shadows.

Work relationships are a wide field of opportunity for unhealthy relationships. Often the boss takes on the function of the aggressor, the subordinate - the victims, employees or senior management - the rescuers. For example, a subordinate shirks from work, each time coming up with excuses. The boss, on the other hand, resorts to intimidation, threatens to deprive bonuses, reduce salaries. Roles are easily changed if it is difficult for a subordinate to find a replacement. The boss will curry favor with him, and the subordinate will make excessive demands.

In order not to get into such a situation, the manager should correctly allocate duties and responsibilities, sign a detailed contract indicating all the nuances, and appeal to him during controversial situations. The subordinate should take the attacks from the boss calmly, ask for clarification, precise setting of real goals, deadlines.

Relationships in a couple are emotionally costly, require more strength, self-discipline. Finding an outlet on the side where you can complain is easier, easier than filling in the gaps in a relationship. At this point, a love triangle is created, the connection within which is another visual representation of the Karpman model. For understanding, it is worth considering an example where the instigator of the game is the victim.

The stalker wife reveals the infidelity of the victim husband, pouring accusations in his direction. The husband - her opposition, proves that the lack of attention and care from the wife is to blame. Therefore, he found a mistress (rescuer), to whom he complains about troubles, finds consolation. The mistress, trying to save the man from attacks, offers to get a divorce and legally live together. The roles are changing. The husband does not want to leave his lawful wife, thereby turning into an aggressor, the mistress transforms into a victim because she did not achieve her goal, and the wife becomes a rescuer and a reason to stay for her husband.

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The penetration into the union of two close people of a geometric figure called a love triangle is not an accident. Rather, it is a pattern that follows from a relationship that has cracked.

Under this concept, it is customary to understand the situation when one of the spouses has a relationship on the side, i.e. a lover or mistress appears.

Often this problem arises as a result of complications in relationships: frequent quarrels, mutual reproaches, distrust and bouts of jealousy crack and one of the spouses begins to look for a new partner who can give lost feelings and sensations.

Most often, such a person is at work, where most of the time is spent and where it is possible to communicate during the day. A strong close relationship develops with a new person, but the changing party is in no hurry to break the marriage bond.

The basis of the love triangle is the inability to make a choice.

The reasons may be different: fear, indecision, but the main thing is the fact of spoiled lives of at least two people.

Love triangles are usually divided into two types:

When two people seek to win the love of a third.
When one person is in love with another, and he, in turn, loves a third.

Models

Husband, wife and lover

Husband, wife and lover is a classic triangle. This situation is easier to consider from the perspective of each participant.

The woman in this model does not intend to harm her husband. Her aspirations are directed at herself: she wants to be desired and necessary.

She wants to feel like that woman again, whom her husband has not seen in her for a long time. A woman, deprived of her husband's attention, easily surrenders to feelings on the side.

For her, meeting with her lover is a kind of outlet, a source of pleasant pastime. As a rule, both participants in this relationship do not plan a long, serious relationship.

For a lover, being in such a situation is extremely convenient. The husband is not a competitor for him, because. he does not plan to take the woman away from the family, but more or less constant intimate meetings are provided to him.

At the same time, no one limits the lover in freedom and does not make demands that are inherent in a serious relationship.

The position of the husband in such a situation plays a key role. From how he will behave - whether he will notice the betrayal or pretend that nothing is happening, whether he will try to return the favor of his wife or categorically decide to break off the relationship - the duration and outcome of such a connection will depend.

Wife, husband and mistress

For a man, a mistress is a kind of sexy woman, a relationship with which is shrouded in mystery and is based on romance and intimacy.

This relationship for a man is a real extreme. He is aware of their forbiddenness, which even more turns on and attracts to his mistress.

For many years he was faithful to one woman, and now all his free time and thoughts are given to her. A man gives his mistress gifts and sends her dozens of text messages with confessions and tender words.

But statistics show that a very small percentage of men in such a situation decide to divorce their spouses for the sake of their mistresses.

This is due to the fact that it is difficult for a man to rebuild for new relationships, because he is so used to a certain course of married life that a new family for him is a complete unknown.

An established family life, of course, is boring, but this boredom can be overcome if you have a mistress. Communication on the side brings new sensations to a man’s life, but it is important to end such relationships in time, otherwise problems with both women cannot be avoided.

Who suffers more

Rarely, one of the sides of the love triangle seeks to conclude a new marriage relationship. Secret calls and meetings are so exhausting that the termination of communication occurs quickly enough.

Perhaps the cheating party on a subconscious level wants to create a family with an "illegal" passion, but the manifestation of loyalty to the spouses makes it necessary to maintain a real family.

Lovers are made to fill the inner void. Communication on the side is one way to fill this void.

As a rule, saturation occurs very quickly, and the return to the family may not be so smooth:

In any case, the situation of a love triangle is individual and the circumstances that pushed people to change, too. But it brings more suffering than happiness for all parties.

Response options

The development of events depends on how the parties will react to such a situation.

What is a wife to do

A woman who has convicted her husband of treason should act as follows:

cool down and think;
recognize the fact of treason and steadfastly withstand this blow;
decide whether she wants the return of the traitor to the family;
if there is a desire to break the marriage bond, think that this will not bring relief;
you can require the spouse to end the relationship on the side;
it is important to diversify the sexual life;
if the husband does not want to break off relations with his mistress, you can threaten with a divorce.

What to do mistress

A woman lover should be prepared that the time for meetings with her is always limited. She will not be able to call a man when she wants to, it is generally worth forgetting about serene walks in the parks, she will not be able to discuss with him how to solve this or that everyday problem.

A married man is likely to take his wife on vacation, and will not report to his mistress about the disappearance for several days or weeks.

A woman who has become a lover cannot escape the condemnation of others. Sooner or later, the relationship on the side will become known to a wide range of people, and the mistress will receive the status of a “lover of love” for her behavior.

Moreover, they condemn the stronger, the greater the real feeling of love of a single woman and an unfree man.

Unfortunately, there is no universal way to get out of a love triangle, but following some tips, you can make this process less painful.

Some decide to get a divorce, unable to withstand the torment of constant betrayal, others find it easier to come to terms with the situation, others become depressed and seek solace in alcohol ... But there is a way out of any situation.

Relying on your life experience, your desires and inner feelings, even such a juicy story as a strange love triangle can have a wise, balanced decision.