True love. Mutual understanding in a relationship: how to find an approach to a loved one

Quite often in our lives there are conflict situations that destroy mutual understanding in relationships, leading us to confusion and despair. In love, such moments become depressing and, if you do not deal with them, the problem in communication between lovers only gets worse over time. Then the most important thought that is spinning in the head of a man and a woman at that moment is: "We do not understand each other."

Mutual understanding is a very significant factor in a relationship, since the existence of love in general depends on it in many respects. There is no it - communication between a man and a woman becomes more and more difficult, after which a "heat of passions" follows, turning into a debilitating series of conflicts. Where does misunderstanding in a relationship come from and why can it lead to a break? Let's try to figure it out.

The thing is that a situation where people cannot find a common language and come to a compromise is the result of a number of unpleasant factors that precede this event. What leads to the fact that loving people do not understand each other? And how to reach mutual understanding?

1. We do not want to hear each other. Usually, in the mind of a person, personal requirements and needs are much louder than the requirements and needs of someone else. This is a fairly common communication mistake for many people. Therefore, it is very important to analyze the conflict situation and understand: what did I miss in the relationship?

It is even more important to remember the things that a loved one has ever asked you to, and answer yourself honestly: have these requests been heard by you? Not? Then why should your significant other hear you? The presence of a claim is already a reason to objectively analyze the situation and find the reasons for its occurrence. Perhaps it (the reason) will be found in your behavior. Then it will become clear to you why you do not have mutual understanding with your husband or wife.

2. We know how to take, but we don't know how to give back. Any relationship between people is based on mutual exchange. And it must be equal. We all very quickly get used to using what we are given, including love. But at the same time, we are so often too lazy to give in return the manifestation of our bright feelings and care. Sooner or later, a loved one accumulates claims: why do I surround him with my spiritual warmth, and in return I receive only glimpses of it? And then he changes his position and stops giving what we are so used to. From here mutual understanding begins to lose its strength.

Therefore, when a conflict appears, try to understand: what did you receive from your soulmate and what did you give in return? Is your care and expression of love equal? If not, look for ways to improve the situation and return kindness for kindness.

3. We don't respect each other. Many couples and lovers try to deny that misunderstanding in relationships appears for this very reason. Absence for a loved one precludes love. That is why, each of us should carefully treat the opinion of the second half, her personal time, requests and desires. It is necessary to reckon with the needs and that are present in each of us. We need to think first of all about the one we love and then measure his desires with our own.

4. We do not know how to appreciate love. Such bright feelings as love are priceless and unique. But at the same time they are very fragile and vulnerable. Therefore, when we do not save love in the face of a loved one, it is gradually destroyed. Do you love each other and can't imagine living alone? See for yourself: how many can experience the depth of true feelings? How many were able to maintain love in difficult periods of relationships? So why don't you cherish and appreciate it?

When you feel that a relationship has come to a standstill, think: maybe you should mentally go back and correct your mistakes in order not to regret the terrible loss in your life - the loss of true love. After all, a careless attitude to feelings entails moments when mutual understanding in the family begins to disappear.

5. We do not want to take the place of a loved one. This means trying to understand at least a little of his situation, to be in his own “skin”. Very often, blinded by indignation, we look only at ourselves and our wounded feelings. And at this moment, for some reason, the thought so rarely arises to look into the soul of a dear little man or to take his place in order to understand - what is it like for him?

Misunderstanding in a relationship is the beginning of the end. When people do not try to achieve harmony and understand each other, they destroy with their own hands what will then be impossible to collect - love and feelings. You can’t sit and wait for your husband or wife to begin to understand you, reproaching him for disrespect and other unpleasant things.

If you really want to harmonize love relationships, start with yourself: remember all conflict situations, understand and realize your mistakes as objectively as possible and begin to correct them. And then your soulmate will certainly “pull up” to you and begin to do the same: try to maintain love and relationships. And after that, your feelings will become stronger, because they can be strengthened by respect, care and mutual understanding.

Each person has their own map of reality. reality map– these are unique ideas about the world of each person, built on individual perception, and based on their own life experience.The map of reality influences the views on the world, the worldview, the explanation by a person of certain phenomena, events, connections. The higher the level of development of a person, the more chances he has to try to understand, to objectively perceive someone else's map of reality, to correctly interpret what exactly the other person wants to say, what he actually experiences.
In a family where understanding is absent, its members are concerned primarily with the protection of their interests, the desire to impose their position, to prove the case. Communication mainly consists of incessant claims against each other, and therefore conflicts and quarrels in such a family are very frequent. Two of the least think about the point of view, position and interests of each other. The thoughts of these opponents are primarily absorbed by what they want to achieve themselves, and least of all they think about the desires of their soulmate.

WHAT PREVENTS TO ACHIEVE MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING
Let's start with the fact that even with a very strong desire of partners to understand each other, understanding not always possible. Too different Maps of reality, spiritual and cultural levels, mentality, a strong age difference (different generations), too different conditions and environments of education, ideology, selfish interests in relation to each other, manipulation– powerful obstacles to the spiritual closeness of people.

HOW TO UNDERSTAND ANOTHER PERSON
"Mutually" implies "I" and "Me". First of all, I myself must strive to understand the other. My level of success in this - the feeling of emotional and spiritual comfort of my partner in communication with me.
FIRST STEP understanding of the other learn to listen with genuine interest, without interrupting, without judging, without commenting.
In the beginning, these may not be very frank conversations, but the more comfortable your partner is to tell you something, the closer he will let you in, and then to the secret and intimate. Lead your partner to a conversation by asking him an open question ( reference: a closed question implies an unequivocal answer, such as "How old are you?" or the answer is “Yes / No”, an open-ended question begins with “How”, with “Which (-th, -th, -e), with “What?”, With “Whom?” and implies a detailed answer).©The author of the article you are reading now, Khramchenko Nadezhda/

If your partner speaks to you first, do not move on to another topic, but talk about what he wants to talk about, but rather just listen to what he has to say. Do not give advice, but rather just ask “What do you think to do? What do you want to do?"
STEP TWO: Show empathy. Learn to truly empathize. Express your sympathy with facial expressions and words.
STEP THREE: Support. Support the interlocutor in joy and in sorrow. Feeling of support - the feeling that you are not alone, there is someone else who approves of your position and is ready to provide assistance. Even when very busy, find time for the person you want to get close to.

MANIPULATION – 1 ENEMY OF UNDERSTANDING IN RELATIONSHIPS
Life with a rotten person is very burdensome, he will strive to use any frankness in his selfish intentions. The manipulator manages his loved ones in his own interests, in order to achieve his goals and satisfy his desires, without taking into account the needs of a loved one. Understanding it is impossible with a manipulator, because he strives for power in relationships, he is a great master of inducing guilt. His partner, as a rule, is an emotionally dependent person, feeling guilty and ashamed for “his sins”, unable to defend his interests and beliefs, protect his dignity, vulnerable, sensitive, afraid loneliness. Submissive wants to achieve mutual understanding, however, with a cruel egoist this is impossible, unless, of course, one becomes a very strong and self-confident person who defends his rights, does not agree with any accusations, defends his dignity, does not go along with the blackmailer, believes in his happiness and does not feel fear loneliness.

ANGER, EXPLOSIVENESS AND EMOTIONAL STRESS - 2 ENEMY OF UNDERSTANDING IN RELATIONSHIPS
It is human nature to accumulate tension from strong stress. Sooner or later you need a release. Most are discharged on loved ones: spouses or children (nervous breakdowns, outbursts of aggression, explosions over trifles). At such moments, a person does not realize what damage this relationship can cause. The one who is systematically attacked anger, not only mentally traumatized, but eventually begins to experience health problems. Such discharges, often developing into quarrels, take place with a certain frequency, depending on the accumulation of tension.
Even if the couple is “on the same wavelength”, “looking in the same direction”, all achievements in the field mutual understanding, trusts are shattered due to uncontrollable emotional outbursts. ©The author of the article you are reading now, Khramchenko Nadezhda/

Save understanding only the ability to restrain oneself in the presence of loved ones and be sure to discharge oneself in sports, dancing, in any active physical activity, and the correct reaction of the “punching bag” will help: be silent, pretending not to hear anything or leave until everything subsides, and then restrainedly and calmly make it clear that she will not tolerate more affective outbursts and nervous breakdowns and will leave this aggressive person.

COMMUNICATION BARRIERS – 3 ENEMY OF UNDERSTANDING IN RELATIONSHIPS
Communication barriers– what hinders effective communication distorts the perception and processing of information from the interlocutor. There are a lot of them, the main ones can be distinguished:
- competence (each person perceives information based on his personal experience, competence in a particular issue, his culture, so information from the mouth of the interlocutor can be interpreted differently). More likely to be understood by a person who is talking with someone who has a similar life experience;
- a logical barrier arises in various types of thinking (abstract-logical, visual-figurative, visual-effective). You can overcome the logical barrier clearly, accurately, competently, concisely expressing your thoughts;
- selective listening (information is perceived in accordance with the ideas that the listener has already developed). A person hears what he wants to hear;
- value judgments (information is perceived based on previous experience of communicating with this person);
- time pressure (time constraints, lack of time);
- double barrier (we often judge a person by himself). It is important to recognize that all people are different;
- different social status (prevents communication on an equal footing, respecting and appreciating other people's opinions). Help to overcome this barrier: pronounced emotionality, active facial expressions, gestures, smile, emotional contact.

A CRISIS – 4 THE ENEMY OF UNDERSTANDING IN RELATIONSHIPS
Family, personal, age crises can lead to severe family disunity. In personal and age crises the most important thing is not to interfere, not to invade the personal space of a person, but to fully support the survivor a crisis.
The first year of marriage is a tough test, it is a stage of confrontation or, in a simple way, grinding to each other. The most important thing here is to compromise, openly express your needs, feelings and, most importantly, treat your partner with great respect, his habits and views on family and relationships.
A mature family can also have a difficult period when mutual understanding in relationships complete, and the two know everything about each other, and at one fine moment one of the spouses has a desire for strong changes in his personal life, and sometimes in his career. This is the "Experimenting Independence" family development stage. One of the first symptoms of this stage: the husband or wife notices: “I can’t understand him (her), he has become (la) completely different (goy), as if he has been replaced.” An affair with a younger sexual partner is just an escape from oneself, a rejection of one's real age, and life with a dear person, a family breakdown, are jeopardized.
However, any a crisis sooner or later passes, you can try to win your loved one again, fill the relationship with fresher feelings.
Best Friends of Understanding: life optimism, lightness, emotional balance. The most important thing is to listen, speak openly and clearly about your needs and feelings, trust, respect your partner, spend time together, find common interests, create family traditions, according to mutual desire, negotiate and ... compromise.
The ability to negotiate lies in the observance of the agreement. If someone in the family constantly violates the agreement, it becomes impossible to negotiate.

Do not forget that it is much easier to come to family psychologist or go through an individual consultation and quickly sort out all the difficulties of the relationship, rather than live for many years in tension and feeling unproductive in your own life. You can contact me as a couple or personally. psychological comfort or you need to flee from it.
Khramchenko Nadezhda
02.06.2014

Relationships in the family, built on mutual understanding and the ability to negotiate, are the basis of a happy marriage. But how should a woman behave if a man does not always guess her desires? For example, she dreamed of a romantic dinner in honor of her wedding anniversary, and her husband suggested a walk in the park? You should not be offended by your spouse for ingenuity, because in order to learn to understand your spouse without words, you need to spend a lot of time building relationships.

Women often blame their husbands, complaining in their relationship with a man that they: "do not always understand them, do not support them at a difficult moment, do not want to listen" and so on. The personalities of a woman, as well as a man, differ not only on a physical basis, but also on a psychological one. Another thing, what exactly is this difference and how to build a trusting and harmonious relationship with a man?

The attitude to the surrounding world, as well as the psychology of personality in humans, was laid back in the Stone Age. At that time, the roles of the opposite sexes were clearly distributed, because the question of the survival of the family was acute. The primary task of the head of the family was to provide for and protect the household. In this regard, the following qualities were well developed in him: the desire for achievements, the ability to make decisions quickly, and endurance. And the activity of the wife was to take care of the offspring, maintain order and create comfort, cooking. In this regard, the representatives of the weaker sex have more developed "economic" skills, as well as the ability to catch the slightest changes in habits, as well as in the relationships of their loved ones. Such qualities as compassion, the ability to calm down, to help psychologically prevailed in the female character.

So it turns out that a man and a woman see the world and themselves in this world differently. And therefore, when there is a need to agree, some and others sometimes give up.

Relations with a man: how to talk about your own desires?

There is an opinion that it is easier for some men to change a companion than to build a trusting relationship with her. Unfortunately, sometimes this is what happens. A man who is motivated to act and make decisions is unlikely to turn to his wife with the words: “Maybe we can discuss the situation? I feel uncomfortable." These are in most cases the habits inherent in women - to build relationships with a man. And here the main rule is not to wait from your spouse when he wants to talk about a problem or conflict. When it is important for a woman to form relationships correctly, she must take the initiative herself.

Sometimes women complain that men do not act at all the way their wives would like. In this case, it is important to understand that they, in principle, may not be aware of the desire of a woman. If the ladies perfectly understand each other almost without words, then the representatives of the stronger sex sometimes do not realize that this is happening to his companion. A man perceives reality as a whole, not always paying attention to small details. Therefore, it is hardly surprising that the husband did not appreciate his wife's new hairstyle or manicure. A man evaluates a woman as a whole, without being distracted by details. The same applies to the condition of a woman - she can sigh or freeze for a long time, mentally calling for help, but not every man will notice this.

The next rule is to clearly voice your desires and requests. If a woman complains about something, a man immediately looks for specific ways to help her. For example, if his wife has a headache, he goes to get medicine. But sometimes ladies, complaining, want something else. They do not always need a solution to the problem, but they want relaxation or sympathy. That is why they are so willing to complain about the life of their friends - these will certainly sympathize and regret.

The third rule of building trusting relationships is as follows: if you want to talk heart to heart with your husband, it is advisable to warn him in advance what exactly you want to get from this conversation. For example, you can say something like this: "I'm not planning to make a decision right now, I just need to speak out."

Rule four - it is not recommended to talk to a man when he is very busy with something. It is better to wait until he finishes his business and can pay attention to a woman. Cleaning an apartment, talking with a friend on the phone and preparing dinner - a woman can easily do several things at the same time. A man, on the other hand, prefers to do one thing and it is unlikely that he will hear what his wife is trying to tell him if he is reading or watching TV at that time. It is difficult for a man to do two or three things at the same time, so he often gets angry when a woman "talks to his arm."

Rule five - if there is no desire to spoil relations with your husband, you do not need to give advice if he does not want it himself. Otherwise, a man is able to perceive this as a blow to his ego. The problem is that men are mostly motivated by their own achievements and victories. For this reason, a large number of representatives of the stronger sex do not really like it when unsolicited recommendations are imposed on them, especially their women. They get the impression that when a woman constantly tells him what to do, she is not sure of his ability to cope with problems on his own.

Sometimes a woman herself does not quite understand what exactly she wants from a man, so it is even more difficult for her to tell him about it. It is much easier to give hints so that he himself guesses everything. But, alas, this happens infrequently, and such formation of relationships sometimes leads to the creation of conflict situations. Men are confused and powerless in front of a silent woman who does not like something. In such cases, a woman should take responsibility for the fulfillment of her own desires. First, you need to decide what exactly she wants from a man. After all, sometimes, asking for advice on what dress to wear, a woman really does not expect advice, but words of admiration. Or she has a feeling of insecurity, so she asks for an armored door. Or maybe all women's whims are just a consequence of a lack of attention? You need to analyze your feelings and understand what is really happening, and then talk directly with your husband. If this does not work, you can seek help from a psychologist.

A woman always wants to talk, but men are sometimes not ready for this. Why do some of them not like to talk? The brain of a man is able to sort information and solve problems as needed, postponing less important problems “for later”. A woman constantly scrolls information in her head. To stop thinking about it, the lady has two ways - to solve the problem or at least discuss it. Therefore, when talking about her affairs to her husband, she does not try to shift the solution of her own problems onto his shoulders, the woman just needs to speak out.

And one more question: how to build a conversation with your spouse? Representatives of the stronger sex prefer to use shorter sentences than women. They clearly state their requirements and desires. The woman, in turn, often leads several lines at once, so the man may lose the thread of the conversation. To convince or persuade him, you need to express only one clear thought at a time.

And most importantly, you need to support your husband and let him know as often as possible that his beloved woman trusts him and is confident in him.

couple Teamo.ru Anton and Olesya, husband and wife

How to find mutual understanding with a man?

The question, of course, is rhetorical, but it can still be answered.

Before you start searching for mutual understanding with some single unfamiliar male, you must first forget that you are an adult, educated, experienced person.

A man is always a child for whom nothing is more important than his hobbies and toys. Therefore, before trying to convey this or that thought to him, you first need to focus your attention on these toys of his, show sincere interest, ask to tell, listen with interest, ask additional questions, in the process being sincerely surprised, horrified or admired (depending on the situation). ). Talking about what is close to him, interesting, about what he really understands, and, seeing genuine interest,.

Perhaps not as a sexual object, which is not so scary, because they do not always want to talk with a woman they desire, let alone build relationships. Yes, and we do not always need this or that man to lust for us. The main thing is that you and him are on the same wavelength, and he fixes the crane without delay, rearranges the furniture or digs a car out of a snow blockage.

If, then, again, you need to remember that this man is a child who needs recognition, love and care. If you want to please him, shower all your warmth, kindness and tenderness on him. Most importantly, do not lisp and do not grimace. Even kids who are kids don't really like it. A gentle voice and a warm smile are guaranteed to attract his attention, and he will be very grateful for your willingness to listen carefully. Moreover, if you talk to him, you can learn a lot of useful and valuable information about him.

It happens that, who have been together for a very long time. Living for a long time, people, willy-nilly, move away from each other, and if they do not catch on in time, they become strangers to each other. People who are held together only by habit. To avoid this, you need to periodically change the behavior model. And also, from time to time, change the hairstyle, style of clothing, daily routine, cook new dishes, rearrange furniture, update home textiles, or even periodically make partial repairs. And actively involve your spouse in all these activities, not only as a payer, but also as a person who, in theory, cares about what happens to his wife or apartment. Even if you have already decided everything, you definitely need to consult with your spouse on various occasions, sometimes asking them to make some important decision, for example, where his children will study, what next car you should buy, where the whole family should go on vacation in the summer, etc. .Listen to him and listen.

Few people can boast of strong bonds with those they love. But if there is no mutual understanding in the relationship, what to do in this case? How to find the path leading to the unity of the two? Is it possible to turn misunderstandings into pleasing communication? I will try to answer all these questions in this article. And it was written, thanks to the appeal of one of the readers of this site. Read her message to understand what the young woman's problem is:

Hello! I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. But he had to fly away for a year, to the other side of the planet! Because of this, mutual understanding disappeared in our relations. Are we fighting a lot because I want him to be interested in me and my life? I am very, but he, on the contrary, is calm! He does not want to compromise his principles, and I am very offended! He doesn't compliment me and I don't feel like he needs me! What to do? How can I do it right? We are already tired together, but no one wants to give in! Help me please!

From the letter it is not entirely clear what the author wants from this relationship, and what advice the young woman would like to read. As I understand it, the girl is simply weighed down and therefore she is looking for the reasons for her internal imbalance in the outside world, believing that she is annoyed by the inattention of her partner. Whether this is true, only she herself can understand. And I will tell in this publication how you can establish mutual understanding in her relationship with a guy.

Why is there a lack of understanding?

People change a lot as they move through life. The reasons for changing their worldview, characters, behavior and other things can be very different. For example:
1. If we rely on the knowledge of Eastern astrology, then we can conclude that every five to ten years a person enters a different energy period, which changes her behavior, state of health and everyday events.
2. Some people get into situations that become real shocks for them. Because of what, survivors of severe stress become more indifferent, rude and cruel, which negates mutual understanding in relations with others.

3. According to the non-traditional science of feng shui, out of all eight directions of the world, only four are favorable for a particular type of people. If a person has moved in his unfavorable direction, then he will get sick and experience trouble. When someone moves in the negative compass direction of their partner, they usually lose interest in the latter.
4. As a rule, a man and a woman find complete mutual understanding in their relationship only at the very beginning, while they are still in love with each other. At this time, the chemistry of the body and emotions overshadow their consciousness and therefore they do not see the shortcomings of those to whom they have feelings. But it is worth falling in love to evaporate and the perception of the partner immediately changes. As a result, the two cease to understand each other.

5. Those lucky people who were able to live next to a single partner for many years usually get tired of the monotony and therefore stop showing interest in someone who was once whispered words of love. That is why they do not even make efforts to establish mutual understanding in relationships that are not interesting for them.
6. In every second family, as a rule, there is a dominant person. Not only children are subject to him, but also a spouse. An imperious person is difficult to remake and impossible to force, to behave differently - to give in at least sometimes, so as not to destroy ties with loved ones. The more the head of the family puts pressure on others, the more tense the relationship becomes, causing misunderstanding and even alienation.

How to achieve mutual understanding in the relations of young people?

A guy and a girl, when meeting, usually experience mutual attraction, but as soon as the feeling of novelty leaves, the partners cool off towards each other. As soon as this happens, mutual understanding disappears. One does not want to give in to the other, believing that this act means to follow the lead. In the case of the girl who wrote the letter published in the second paragraph of this article, the guy is clearly tired of the claims of his partner. This is due to the difference in temperament. If a man is calm, then he expects the same behavior from his woman. When she constantly demands something, he will look for another life in which he does not have negative points.

What would you advise a girl who is worried about her partner's inattention? First of all, she should try to change her behavior. Openness is a very good trait. Such personalities for partners are like an open book. But how will the one who “reads” their contents do with them? It is best to be at least a little mysterious and full of pleasant surprises. For example, instead of trying to find mutual understanding through frank conversations and showdowns, you should do something that arouses increased interest in your partner. In a relationship between a man and a woman, it is important to maintain a romantic mood. And sadly, but girls have to do it.

A young woman who has asked for advice should understand that the more often she demands from her partner participation in her life and compliments regarding her appearance, the worse he will treat her and, most likely, cut off contact with her. This often happens in relationships between young and inexperienced partners. Therefore, a girl needs to start surprising her man. If she talks to him on Skype and he can see her, then before the conversation, put on a new make-up. A different appearance of the partner will greatly surprise the young man and will surely arouse his interest. So, imperceptibly, mutual understanding will also improve, because the guy will overwhelm the girl with compliments.

If a young woman calls back with her boyfriend, then she should say, for example, that she is currently busy with something and ask him to call back later. This event will be the first point of the next conversation. After all, the guy wants to know what she was doing. In such cunning ways, a young woman will be able to achieve compliments and make a man show interest in her life. In addition to the listed ways to help arouse interest in a guy and thereby establish mutual understanding, there are others. For example, you can wear unusual clothes and very beautiful underwear. You should start visiting places of rest that were not previously attractive. The guy will be wondering why his girlfriend began to change, and what she was doing on the next weekend. Therefore, he himself will take the initiative in the conversation.

How to find mutual understanding in a long-term relationship?

According to statistics, about sixty percent of couples out of a hundred break up after a few years of marriage. These men and women once thought they loved each other, but then the feeling went away and they became uninteresting to each other. The moment when this is just beginning to manifest itself, many simply do not notice. This is because people are busy surviving. They have no time to understand relations with partners, there is no time to establish mutual understanding. They must think about how to earn money to pay bills, provide for their families and buy new toys for their children. Romance is completely forgotten by family people and they are no longer subject to the feeling of falling in love. Most often, they feel towards each other either affection or tolerance. And that other unreliable feelings that do not contribute to the stabilization of relations.

To establish mutual understanding and communication, which has become a burden for two, it is necessary to bring a little novelty to the relationship. This is done simply, all in the same ways that were described in the previous paragraph. If a woman begins to change her hair color, put on beautiful underwear, work on her figure, apply evening makeup, then the man wakes up with feelings that he was once forced to seek a young girl who later became his wife. Every woman should understand that a representative of the stronger sex is romantic only at the moment when he is trying to achieve the woman he likes. Later, only the fair sex brings romance to the relationship. If she is too lazy to do this or expects unusual actions and eternal love from a man, then the negative in the relationship will only accumulate.

How to reach mutual understanding in a relationship if one of the partners is a tyrant?

In the case when a man or a woman turns out to be an imperious nature, then over the years mutual understanding comes to naught. The partner, who has to crawl forever, is once tired of this state of affairs and he either begins to rebel against the tyrant, or leads a double life, or simply breaks off the connection that is disgusting to him. Whether he does the right thing depends on what happened in each particular case. After all, there are situations when the tyrant strongly suppresses all the people of the family and therefore the latter have to endure and wait for the moment when they can get rid of addiction and become free beings who independently decide how they should live and act.

If the head of the family, accustomed to ruling, is capable of frank conversations, then it is worth talking with him about the sore and trying to convey to him the essence of the problem that has arisen. You need to tell him about the feelings you have when he acts contrary to your desires, goals and aspirations or forces you to take steps that are contrary to your beliefs. If such conversations lead nowhere, then you need to act differently. How exactly, you will understand when you read a short story about my distant relative - a former tyrant in his family. At first, this man only indicated to his household what they had to do and how to live, thereby completely violating mutual understanding in the relationship. And then he started to be violent.

He beat his wife, sons and even his mother. He cheated on his wife and behaved defiantly towards relatives. All this went on for many years, until, finally, his wife was tired of his attacks and aggression. Then she found herself a man and went to live with him. The abandoned tyrant did not lose his head and got himself a new woman, continuing to behave as before. After a couple of years, his sons grew up and began to rebel against him. Ultimately, one of them left his father and stopped communicating with him. A year later, the second son kicked his dad out of the house. The aged man was wealthy, and therefore did not worry much about this. He tried to establish mutual understanding in a short relationship with his former passion, but this did not work out. Apparently, then he began to change.

After about a year of such a life, in which each member of the family lived by his own mind, the tyrant broke down. After all, he spent this time in an environment where no one was going to endure his aggression and do what he demanded. His behavior changed a lot, he began to respect his wife, sons and mother. Not once did he hit any of them when the family got together again. Therefore, if your partner is an aggressive person who consistently destroys mutual understanding in your relationship, then you should leave him for a while so that he is outside his zone of influence. When he feels his uselessness and worthlessness, he will begin to treat you in a completely different way.

What to do if there is no mutual understanding in the relationship due to the fact that the head of the family is very powerful?

There is a type of men and women who are not tyrants, but they are quite powerful. They implicitly violate mutual understanding between family members, forcing the latter to do everything to make the head of the family happy. In relations with such people, it is not possible to find a compromise, except to lie and create the illusion that everything is going according to the plan invented by the head of the family. This is exactly what the spouses and children of powerful people do. Read in one of the articles on this site a letter that tells how to be able to go your own way through life.

How to deal with people who are hungry for power and seeking to suppress loved ones? It should be explained to such that they do not have to take care of everyone forever. Everyone in the family can go their own way through life without a parent or spouse interfering in their plans. If the conversations are getting nowhere, then you need to actually show the caring person that you are doing a great job with everything, without her interference. Usually, the realization by a powerful person that life goes on as usual and without his participation leads to changes in his behavior. He begins to look at everything from a different angle. Because of this, mutual understanding is being established in the shaken relationship between spouses, as well as between parents and children.

Harmonious relationships and mutual understanding, thanks to Feng Shui

Unconventional science allows you to quickly eliminate various problems. If a period of cooling and misunderstanding has come in a relationship, then care should be taken that the energies help partners find a path to their former feelings. Useful energy flows contribute to the emergence of romance and a sense of happiness. To improve communication with your partner, you need. And then determine your direction of "harmony in marriage." If you sleep in this direction of the world with your head or, when communicating with your partner, look at him in this compass direction, then the relationship, as if by magic, becomes much better.

What to do if there is no mutual understanding in the relationship and nothing helps to improve it?

In this case, you need to come to grips with yourself and your inner world. Try to realize a simple thought - at the moment you are living with specific people, in certain conditions, and you are trying to establish mutual understanding with your partner only because your style of behavior and your perception of reality are what they are and what they have always been. You are used to behaving in a certain way, reacting to people and their actions in the same way, so you are now trying to figure out complex relationships. That is, your thinking and actions led you to what you are experiencing at the moment. Only by changing your inner self and changing your habits will you get out of the difficulties that you care about.

It is very difficult to predict what the consequences of working on oneself will be. After all, a partner who does not pay attention to you, beats you or imposes his will on you, was attracted to you because you did wrong things in the past. Once upon a time, you did not need mutual understanding in the then new relationship. You allowed all the little mistakes of a loved one. You did not notice his inattention, which turned into indifference, you were excited by his aggression, which became tyranny, you liked his independence, which grew into dominance. If you stop allowing your partner’s habitual patterns of behavior even in your thoughts, then it may happen that he suddenly changes or simply disappears from your life. The first, of course, is the best option, but not always likely.

You need to change yourself by programming your subconscious. Access to it is possible at the moment of strong relaxation and transition from wakefulness to sleep. In darkness and silence, you need to think about what you would like from life. If you change the behavior of a real partner, then you need to imagine that he behaves the way you want. For example, the girl whose letter is published in this article wants her boyfriend to pay attention to her and give her a lot of compliments. To achieve what she wants, she needs to come up with situations every time before going to bed in which her boyfriend does what she expects. After two weeks of daily classes, the behavior of a man should change, and at the same time, mutual understanding should be established. In general, it is difficult to predict whether it will be possible to achieve the desired result in a relationship by working with your subconscious. After all, the result of working on herself can be something that the girl did not expect, but allowed - an acquaintance with a new man.