Why is the child bragging? If a child boasts: what should parents do? Why does the child brag?

The boasting of a child at the age of 3-4 years is just one of the ways to assert one's "I", a normal sign of growing up. “I’m already big”, “When I was little ..” - three-year-olds importantly declare to their parents, thereby defending their right to independence. The child begins to feel pride in his achievements and wants his skills and first victories to be appreciated: "Mom, look how I can", "Dad, look how I did it." Boasting in this case is a way of obtaining the approval and support of adults, which are necessary for building self-confidence.

However, sometimes boasting takes on hypertrophied forms. This happens when parents expect constant success from the child, orienting him exclusively to achieve high results, whether it be sports, memorizing poetry, or constructing from Lego. It is difficult for a child to meet parental demands, but he tries his best to “be good” and meet the expectations of loved ones. Therefore, he is constantly looking for confirmation of his exclusivity and not only constantly boasts to his peers and adults about his skills, abilities and things, but also belittles the dignity of others: “I have a beautiful lego set, but you don’t”, “I built a beautiful house, and you're bad." Such boasting hides high anxiety, low self-esteem, and creates additional difficulties in communication. Such children do not know how to lose, painfully experience comments addressed to them, and the slightest setbacks unsettle them for a long time.

- “do not overload” the child with your ambitions;
- teach your child to enjoy not only the successful result, but also the very process of activity;
- do not compare the child with other children, even for educational purposes;
- praise or criticize the actions and deeds of the child, and not himself. For example, “You built it beautifully with Lego. I liked your drawing", instead of: "Well done! You are a real artist!”; “I am upset by your behavior. You can’t offend the younger!”, instead of: “What a bad boy! You are a bully!";
- love a child with unconditional love, not for his successes and achievements, but simply for what he is.

“Don't brag, it's ugly!”... “I am the last letter in the alphabet!”... We heard these phrases from parents and now we tell our children. Is it worth it?

How often we feel irritated when a child declares that he is the strongest and never cries. Or trying to lecture while hearing the kids in the yard arguing about whose daddy has the best car. Boasting is initially perceived by us as something negative. Like, only ill-bred people boast. And why do children have such a need?

social maturation

During early childhood, the child begins to actively develop socially. He goes to the garden, makes his first friends, looks for his niche in the team. And this process is very difficult for the baby! There are different ways to go. And boasting is one of them. At this age, children often argue: who is older, taller, stronger, faster, builds better from the designer - anything can become a subject of dispute. And the one who was able to convince others of his superiority becomes one step higher in this team. It is better for a wise adult not to interfere in such conversations.

What can I do?

Closer to preschool age, the child begins to brag a little differently. It affects the estimated attitude of adults. He often hears words about readiness for school, the need to be able to read and count. Therefore, the baby begins to evaluate himself. What are his achievements? And so he tells all the guests that he can count to a hundred, that he knows the words in English, that in the karate section he knocked the boy half a head higher. The best response to this will be your approval and praise.

I can, but you can't?

It happens that children boast, comparing themselves with someone who obviously loses. I have a dog, but you don’t, my dad has a director, but you don’t. Adults also like to play such a not entirely fair game, but not so directly. This game is otherwise called "increasing one's self-esteem at the expense of another." Two problems can be traced here - a low assessment of oneself and a desire to humiliate another, comparing him with himself only in those moments where it is beneficial to the boaster. It is worth considering: why did the baby have a problem with self-esteem? And to give advice for the future - to compare yourself not with someone, but with yourself yesterday. And start following this advice with your child.

What if I can't do anything?

Pay attention to when your child starts showing off. If he obsessively follows you and other adults and boasts of what is not in reality, this is a reason to think. Most likely, he does not have a sense of his own importance, he does not see and does not notice his successes, therefore he focuses only on external evaluation. It is up to you to help him. Reconsider your attitude towards the baby, notice his achievements, support him. It is the assessment of parents that forms the basis of our self-perception. It would also be nice to create additional sources of positive assessment for your child - the best way out here would be a circle or section where the child can prove himself without your participation.

During a walk on the playground, it is very often possible to notice that many children show off, compete, are jealous and envy. My daughter is no exception either. Now it is very important for her to always and everywhere be the first, strong, dexterous, beautiful ... The following situations are familiar firsthand:

• I have a new bike and you have an old one
• But I have more, and you won’t be able to drive through the puddles. And I…
• I was the first to climb the “web”, and you are still small!

Why do almost all children behave this way, and what to do if a child boasts?

From about a year and a half, children develop an instinct for competition among other similar members of society. Self-esteem in a small child has not yet been formed, so children try to find self-consolation and self-affirmation in various ways available to them. Gradually, a competitive spirit develops, and they begin to strive for leadership in everything.

From the age of three, boasting is a natural part of growing up. With it, the child asserts himself. It also happens that a child boasts for several years. They are very sensitive to the advantages of other children, while they not only try to prove their superiority, but also belittle the dignity of other children. From this arise similar phrases: “Here I can, but you can’t!”, “I have it, but you don’t!” etc.

Children's boasting is heightened when parents want to see their children be the best and most successful. The attitude given by mothers and fathers causes in the child the necessary need for praise and superiority over others, and this becomes the main driving force for his actions. He begins to evaluate himself and most of all he is afraid of the possibility of being worse than others. Increased anxiety and self-doubt is offset by boasting.

In order to smooth out such situations and wean the child from boasting, you need to stop constantly evaluating him, and even more so comparing him with other children. Until the age of 5, it is better to avoid competitive games altogether, where victory is the main goal. Watch the child. Evaluate whether he plays enough, draws, sculpts, builds, etc. Play with it yourself. Show that you can build storylines, animate dolls and other toys, make appliqués and crafts. In the process of creativity, we evaluate the result, not the personality of the child. Also, creativity helps to enjoy only the process, not getting hung up on the final goal.

Preschool children, when showing off, do not think about real victory or defeat. They don't even try to consciously compare themselves to anyone else. But they call to pay attention, to look at them. The peak of such demonstrative behavior occurs at about the age of six. After all, at this time the children are preparing for school. They feel that they are asked more of them, taken more seriously if they have reached certain heights. And boasting in this case is the best way to draw attention to yourself, to appear in the best light.

Children learn to perceive themselves from their parents. A positive attitude towards them creates a positive self-esteem. But at the same time, one should not forget that such positive assessments must correspond to reality. It is better to say nothing at all to the child than to attribute non-existent successes to them.

A child can constantly brag, invent fables to hide his weakness and defenselessness. If your child takes credit for fictional achievements, then here you need to give him the opportunity to do what he really succeeds and praise him for it moderately, ignoring what he boasts. For example, to enthusiastic exclamations that he kicked the ball best of all, respond calmly: “Okay, dear. I'm very glad you're already home." But when the child really excels in something, praise him sincerely and wholeheartedly. Gradually, the child will understand that there is no benefit from fiction, and real achievements are encouraged and approved.

Children with healthy high self-esteem grow up in families where parents can clearly outline the desired standards of behavior, where love and mutual understanding reign. It is not difficult to achieve this when you have joint leisure, when you share experiences, dreams with each other, share each other's interests. When family members are sincere and open to each other.

Pay attention to the fact that the child should have several sources of encouragement. It is important when not only a mother praises her son or daughter, but when there is an opportunity to show herself to others, to hear their opinion or comments.

In order for a child to learn to admit his mistakes and be able to correct them, you should not criticize him for mistakes that he did not intentionally make. For example, if he spilled a glass of milk, this does not mean that he is crooked. Give him a rag and let him clean up after himself. The natural consequences will teach him much more than a constantly yelling and disgruntled mother.

Consider the characteristics of your child. A four-year-old child can count well, but in order to master reading, he still needs to work hard or even grow up a little. Play and study with him, and in due time he will learn to read, and multiply, and ride a two-wheeled bicycle.

Create a warm, friendly atmosphere in the house, teach you to notice the good not only in yourself, but also in other people. And your child will definitely grow up to be a kind, responsible and sensitive person.

The very fact of boasting is not the most serious problem, it is a natural mechanism for the development of personality, boasting can appear at a certain stage of growing up a baby. Although it is worth paying attention to, because important processes take place during the period of a child’s development: the foundations of morality and self-esteem are formed, a personal competitive position among the people around him. It is clear that every person, and even more so a child, has a desire to present himself in the best light, there is nothing shameful in this, any person likes to be praised. Now, if a child began to brag about his skills or abilities to his peers, such behavior is most often inappropriate, and it’s really bad if praise is the cause of narcissism and self-praise.
Psychologists believe that boasting is a kind of self-affirmation, the peak of narcissism is the age of 6-7 years, when the child begins to brag all the time. Already a two-year-old baby distinguishes when his own actions are good and when they are bad. Very clearly, children remember what they are most praised for. For example, it is enough for one of the parents to admit that the kid is very good at drawing, and the child will begin to demonstrate them on his own next time. The turning point is if the kid shows off every line and begins to draw solely in order to earn praise.

The main reasons contributing to the development of a child's desire for self-praise

If there was some mistake in the educational process, parents should determine the reasons for the appearance of narcissism and take measures to correct the child's behavior. When a child competes with someone, envies someone, boasts to someone, he builds his own statuses, the instinct of competition - self-affirmation, the spirit of rivalry causes a conscious desire for leadership: “But I can do it like this!”, “Look , what I have!". Comparative analysis lends itself to appearance, available toys, abilities, family features, apartment, clothes, and much more. While the baby's self-esteem has not yet formed, he compensates for her damage for any reason: inherited from her mother, spanked by her father - but her grandmother gave a new ball. I lost a toy, I couldn't lace up my boot, but I found a beautiful pebble. The kid at an early age wants to show us and others his own value. Bragging, as already mentioned, is a certain stage of growing up and self-affirmation. The attraction to competitive stability among peers is an absolutely normal need for every person. Competitiveness is a natural process. Growing up, the child, of course, wants to take his rightful place in society. A little braggart usually grows up with parents who want their child to be the best always, in everything and everywhere. Consciously or not, the adult attitude to success contributes to the development in the child of an "insatiable" need for praise and superiority over others. Trying to justify parental hopes, this he motivates all his actions. He begins to treat himself and those around him exclusively evaluatively, he needs to achieve praise and achieve superiority over everyone. In this case, the fear of being worse in something prevails, because boasting turns into a “tool” through which you can compensate for anxiety and your own insecurity. The most common and saddest reason is the poor microclimate in the family, insufficient attention or lack of parental attention. Favorable ground for the development of a complex of uselessness of a child is, unfortunately, work, high employment of parents during the day, insufficient communication with the baby. In an attempt to attract as much attention as possible to himself, the child chooses the position of self-praise - “no one can do it like me”, “I am the best”, “look how I did it”. The reason for the development of boasting is also the child's inability to maintain acquaintance with peers, in this case it is difficult to fairly evaluate his successes, compare them with the achievements of other children. Often, the parents themselves tendentiously assess the actions of the child from the outside, in which case their approval looks exaggerated, thus distorting the true assessment of values ​​and achievements in the mind of the child.

How to wean a child from not showing off all the time

If, in his desire to stand out and attract attention, the child constantly boasts, then it is obvious that in this case it is better for parents to intervene, otherwise boasting will suppress other important character traits. Firstly, it is not right if parents constantly compare their baby with other children. It is necessary to focus only on the personal success of the child. It will not be superfluous to know that until the age of five, psychologists even recommend avoiding games where children have to compete with each other in order to win. The game should give pleasure and bring joy, and not force someone to overtake. Preschool age is a great time for the development of creativity and intelligence. During this period, one should try to educate the child in the right attitude towards possible success, to concentrate his attention on the process itself, and not on achieving the result. Praise and criticism is a way of evaluating actions and actions, not a person, the child must understand this. Teach your child to accept his victory properly, explain to him that arrogance can offend others. The child must be taught to rejoice in the successes of his comrades, their victory in no way infringes on his own dignity. The task of parents is to raise an emotionally stable and self-confident person. The child should be able to relate normally to his mistakes, and in any situation be calm and balanced. A child should be praised deservedly only if he has achieved some significant results and victories. That kid who often boasts of fictitious deeds or is inclined to exaggerate his achievements should be given the opportunity to do what he is good at, but praise him moderately for this, and ignore his own boasting. For example, a son, trying to get your approval, joyfully declares to you that he threw the ball the best today, tell him in response that this is very good, but it is especially joyful for you that he came home on time. But when he really excels in something, he must be heartily and wholeheartedly praised. Over time, the child will get used to the fact that there is no sense in his inventions and bragging, but real achievements cause sincere praise and gratitude from parents. In this case, some rigor and exactingness will not hurt, but the child will know that he was appreciated as a person. Open and sincere communication will help the baby feel that mom and dad consider him a kind, good and interesting person.

While boasting is natural for young children in many ways, this does not mean that it should be overlooked! If you do not pay special attention to it, there is a high risk that over time this behavior will become a real thing for the baby.

Why do kids love to brag?

“Look what drawing I drew!”, “Today in kindergarten I sculpted better than others from ...”, “I already know how well, but my friend doesn’t, he’s too small for this!”, “I have more toys than all the guys combined”, “And mine is stronger and taller than your dad ...” - a list of similar phrases that a toddler utters every day for 2-4 years can be continued almost indefinitely. And this, it must be admitted, is absolutely normal for his age. Somewhere from 1.5-2 years old, the child goes through a qualitative leap in his development. First of all, he begins to see the difference between good and bad and understand that it is the latter that attracts everyone's attention and approval. I coped with folding - and my mother praised. He mastered the first steps on - dad laughed happily. I learned several new letters in the classroom in the kindergarten - the teacher noted in front of other children. At the same time, the child's self-assessment of his qualities and actions is still in its infancy, and he needs regular replenishment of value judgments from other people. This is how he asserts himself when he hears compliments addressed to him: he begins to respect himself for being really good, skillful, capable, possessing some important knowledge or skills - after all, parents and other adults said the same! And therefore, regular attempts to draw attention to their own, even the smallest achievements for a child at 2-3 years old are not something critical - this is a standard stage of growing up.

Something else is dangerous: when the desire to brag about real successes is replaced by an irrepressible desire to exaggerate them, to invent or ascribe to oneself other people's achievements, and also emphasize their superiority over other people. This is an important signal for parents: the development of the child has gone the wrong way. After all, a self-sufficient and whole person does not need such behavior. Of course, comparing a child with an adult who knows exactly what he is worth, realizing his pluses and minuses, is inappropriate. Children are often not objective in assessing themselves. But if they worked competently and consciously on their upbringing, the period of boasting described above will soon pass by itself, dropping to a reasonable minimum. And if dad and mom missed something, by the age of 6-7 the habit of talking about yourself more than you deserve becomes characteristic of the little man. Therefore, on the one hand, it is necessary to be calm about the fact that a small child boasts. But it is necessary to pay increased attention to him if he crosses the boundaries of reason in such a habit, confusing fantasy with reality, or if he does not outgrow it in any way. And in order to cope with a similar problem, first understand the reasons. Only the establishment of a true "diagnosis" will enable you to correct the behavior so that the baby gets rid of the craving for boasting painlessly. There are two most common reasons for such a children's hobby - we will talk about them separately.

A child boasts when he gets too much attention...

Many psychologists note: most often, children like to show off where too much attention is directed to them. Did the kid say a new word? Mom almost jumps. He learned the lines on paper? Dad is already sure that Picasso will grow out of the child. The boy mastered, but the girl wants to try? Grandparents are touched by what grandchildren “have become adults” ... At the same time, in such a family, they soon begin to make even higher demands on the baby. After all, he is so capable of us! And therefore, they expect regular achievements and confirmation that he is talented, dexterous, developed beyond his years - in general, better than other children. Why this happens is a topic for a separate discussion (in short, parents, with the help of a child, assert themselves, raising self-esteem). Something else is more important. If dad and mom do not receive the same confirmations about the abilities of their child, they see his mistakes, then they get angry, annoyed, nervous, even swear. And the kid reacts unambiguously to this: I'm bad, since my parents are constantly upset. On the one hand, this leads to his stress and internal discomfort, which increases anxiety, and, on the other hand, pushes him to boast. Indeed, with its help, you can either emphasize an achievement, since it is important for parents (even if it is a trifle), or replace reality with words.

Therefore, if you recognize yourself in this situation, try to change your attitude towards the child first of all. Remember: love for him cannot depend on his success! You must appreciate and respect him for who he is. Of course, everyone wants their child to be "faster, higher, stronger." And it is necessary to push him to explore new horizons, help in this, praise and scold when necessary. But know the measure! Stop comparing him to other kids and judge by his own standards. Do not forget that everything must be on time. Therefore, do not rush him in how he learns new skills, even if he is making progress. Separately, it is necessary to say about the praise. Significant, serious successes, of course, should always be emphasized! But if a child has done something simple, ordinary, but runs to you to brag, do not praise him to the skies. Praise should be modest and, if rude, as mundane as the achievement itself: “Well done, now sit down to eat” or “That's good, but let's try to complicate the task a little.” With such behavior, on the one hand, you will not upset the baby (as if, for example, you said “It's all nonsense!” Or “Boasting is ugly, don't do it again”). On the other hand, make it clear: real deeds, not beautiful words, have value. And do not forget to say that you love him regardless of his achievements, and praise and scold him not because he is good or bad, but because his behavior was good or bad.

The child boasts when there is too little attention to him ...

As paradoxical as it may seem, the opposite is also true. If you do not pay attention to the child, then with a high degree of probability he will also begin to show off his achievements. Only the reasons for this behavior lie elsewhere. The kid, deprived of parental praise and their high appreciation of personal abilities, seeks to draw attention to himself, to earn approval from his father and mother. At the same time, everything is often used, up to real inventions. The child in this case can brag about the fact that, in principle, it is unrealistic! Characteristically, he sincerely believes in his words. After all, young children often do not distinguish between fantasy and reality very well. And in this case, for them there is no difference than to earn praise: a real deed or no less real words. By the way, it does not matter to whom the child boasts. In such a situation, he may try to appear better than he is, and in front of strangers: educators, parents of other children in the yard, random passers-by on the street. For a kid with his low self-esteem, it is strictly necessary to hear an assessment of himself and his actions from the outside in order to understand what place he himself occupies in life, whether he is good or bad. Don't parents do it? Then other adults will come up, what to do ... And if you start the situation, the child with a high degree of probability will not only grow into a braggart, but may also start trying other means to attract the attention of dad and mom: disobey them, show, use, etc. .

Therefore, the advice is simple: no matter how difficult it is due to work or the birth of another child, find time for the baby. Even 20-30 minutes a day that you spend together and can find out from him how his day went, read and play, in. You also need to praise him more often. Speak kind words when he did something well - this will help instill in him self-confidence. Such tasks should naturally be feasible and interesting for the child. Also encourage communication with other people. This will give him the opportunity to receive new assessments from others (both positive and critical) and compare himself with them. True, at the same time it must be emphasized: even if the comparison is not in his favor, this is not bad - in something else he is better than another child (it would be nice to immediately find such “his” business). In this regard, pay attention to competitive games. It is necessary that the child enjoys the process, and not just the positive result. Victory is important in itself, it is not achieved for the sake of praise. But if the child is given the right attitudes, then he will not brag about his success, and the possible will not be a disappointment to him, and he will not begin to achieve the achievements of others.

P.S. And the traditional postscript: lead by example! If you do not brag about real or apparent successes and deeds, if you are open and friendly to other people, rejoice at their achievements, are confident in yourself and your abilities, admit your own mistakes, being able to laugh at them, then your child will certainly be able to do all this in the future. Work on yourself - and you will succeed!

How do you react if you notice that your baby is showing off?

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