home › Happiness › How to understand that it’s time to divorce your husband or wife and make a decision: signs of an imminent divorce and advice from a psychologist. How to survive a divorce from your husband and wife - advice from a psychologist

How to understand that it’s time to divorce your husband or wife and make a decision: signs of an imminent divorce and advice from a psychologist. How to survive a divorce from your husband and wife - advice from a psychologist

Good day, dear reader. Are you really at the stage of making one of the important decisions in your life, or maybe you have already made it? Have you wondered how to survive a divorce from your husband? This article will help you gain not only confidence in the future, but also find the strength to overcome all the suffering that has befallen you. We will tell you what stages women experience after divorce. We'll show you how to respond correctly to each of them. You will learn what you absolutely cannot do and how to avoid the typical mistakes of most divorced girls. In the article you can also find advice from psychologists on this topic. Take a breath and come out, and then relax a little and start enjoying interesting material.

In every person's life there are problems that are extremely difficult to cope with, but loss is considered the most difficult experience. The death of loved ones is at the highest level, but divorce from a husband is a little lower and, by the way, it is even higher than unexpected dismissal from work. Every woman, after the destruction of her family, wonders how to survive a divorce from her husband. In our article you can find not only the answer to this question, but also make sure that life does not end there.

First, let us warn you that psychologists distinguish five stages that a person experiences during loss. All these stages should be lived through and there is no need to try to show yourself as strong (for show, like I’m so invulnerable) and jump over these stages. The time needed to overcome each stage will be needed differently, because it all depends on the duration of the marriage and the relationship during the marriage. The main rule is to take care of yourself and start spending more time on yourself (), and not think about how things are going with your husband. Well, let’s begin to consider all the stages that a woman will have to go through after a divorce.

Feeling of shock and complete denial of the current situation

This is the very first stage and probably one of the most difficult, because when a person is in a state of shock, he is unable to think sensibly. Emotions at this moment are difficult to control and everything can be aggravated to dire consequences. After the peak of the state of shock passes and the woman calms down, then denial begins. Everything around seems unreal, and the future does not exist at all. Those around her will try to reason with the girl, but all her arguments are sheer nonsense. The moment of inadequacy is simply overwhelming.

Attacks of anger and resentment

The second stage is no less serious and everyone will have to go through it, because controlling your anger is not so easy. Spontaneous attacks of anger develop into unquenchable anger at the ex-spouse. All the worst moments come to mind, and self-deprecation begins. It’s as if the woman opens her eyes to the man’s past actions, which seemed ordinary to her. () She begins to suffer not only from memories, but also from lost time with a good-for-nothing young man. Feelings of resentment can lead to serious depression as well as self-blame.

It is not strange that this stage is a continuation of the previous one, because when the anger and resentment towards the ex-husband ends, it is time to look for problems in oneself. The equator of all stages is the most dangerous and it can become a return to the first stage. It’s simple, because the girl begins to endlessly look for flaws in herself and tries to hammer into her head that she did the wrong thing. The danger lies not in thoughts, but in actions, and a woman will definitely want to correct far-fetched mistakes. This desire to meet and explain, to call and talk, and this can end in tears.

Gray days have arrived, and depression has crept in unnoticed.

As you understand, after all these stages comes the realization that the past cannot be returned and this makes you very worried. The former family remains only in memory, but the loving husband has long been living his own life. It is painful to realize this, but it is necessary, because every divorced woman needs to experience this. Depression affects everyone differently and you need to focus on this. This state can reach the boiling point, and the help of relatives or friends will be useless. (you need to contact specialists) At the initial stages, relatives and friends are a good panacea.

Long-awaited and adequate acceptance of reality

Having gone through all the stages, you will reach a healing acceptance of reality. This feeling is indescribable and it can work wonders. All feelings come into order, and thoughts become healthy and sober. A person begins to understand that what happened is not a mistake, but a vital necessity for creating a successful future. After this moment has arrived, the woman will feel as if she has breathed in a breath of fresh air, and past problems have simply disappeared. The path to a new and happy life is open.

Having considered all the stages that a divorced woman will have to go through, we focused only on the question of an initial nature. Perhaps, after reading about the stages, the reader will understand what awaits her ahead and this will help her survive the divorce from her husband. The main question still remains, and we will try to list a list of tips and recommendations that will help you understand how to survive a divorce from your husband. The tips may not seem new to you, but they are really effective. We should also talk about the typical mistakes that the fair half of humanity makes during a difficult period. The most basic and critical mistakes and even stupid things should not be made, because they will only make life worse.

Let's start with the most interesting and useful, namely tips on how to survive a divorce from your husband and remain happy. These recommendations can be classified as self-improvement and finding inner peace and harmony. Every girl can try to implement the advice, and we are sure that this will only be beneficial. We strongly recommend that a woman who has gone through a divorce listen to the following:

Changing your image will contribute not only to external changes, but also internal ones. In a beauty salon you can get a new hairstyle, choose more attractive makeup, and in any boutique you should update your wardrobe. All these actions will not only improve your mood and vigor, but also raise your self-esteem;
For those who do not have the opportunity to switch to children or household chores, you should get yourself a cat or dog, or maybe a cheerful parrot or a nimble ferret. This will help you concentrate your attention on something useful and not think about divorce. Perhaps with the help of a new pet you will have the opportunity to make new acquaintances and make friends;
No one has ever canceled sports, because it is not only health and relaxation, but also a long-awaited opportunity to take time for yourself. You can do anything from running in the morning, to swimming in the pool or going to the fitness club in the evening. Believe me, this is a truly pleasant pastime. A new activity is a way to expand your circle of acquaintances;
Perhaps it's time to do some traveling alone or with friends. New countries and cities mean fresh emotions, as well as the discovery of something new for yourself. You can visit ancient cities and museums, or you can simply go to a resort and relax to the fullest;
A mandatory procedure that every girl must undergo is getting rid of unnecessary and old things. Particular attention should be paid to those things that obsessively remind you of your ex-spouse. If you can’t do the burning of old bridges yourself, then ask your faithful girlfriend. This action will help you once again realize that a new life has come, and after the old one only ashes remain;
Are you bored with the old design in your apartment, and have you wanted to change the colorful wallpaper for a long time? It's time for changes in the house where you live. Change your usual environment, which will remind you of the unfavorable days spent with your ex-husband. Make a major or cosmetic renovation that you have dreamed of for so long, because you can now afford it. The main thing is that no one will impose their opinion and point out what they don’t like about the design;
An important point will be financial independence, because now you are obliged to provide for yourself. To do this, you need to understand how profitable your job is and whether you like it. It may not be a bad idea to find a high-paying job that you’ve been wanting to triple for for a long time. Think about your career and make all your dreams come true.

As you can see, following all the tips will help stop the chaos in life and take you to a new stage of development. It’s not all that easy to accomplish, but this is another chance to prove to yourself that you are capable of more and deserve the best. Over time, thoughts about how to survive a divorce from your husband will completely disappear. This is understandable, because a completely different life will begin, which will fill the heart and soul with long-awaited happiness.

Now we have reached the interesting section of our article and we will tell you that here you should show unprecedented diligence in order to read to the end. Not every girl will be pleased to learn about the mistakes that will be presented here. An emotional explosion after a divorce forces you to plunge into oblivion and this is fraught with dire consequences. If you break even one rule, consider that you will not be able to survive the divorce from your husband. Every wrong action will set off a chain of events such that Santa Barbara will rest on the sidelines. You may have already done some of them, but that doesn't mean there's no way back. In this case, the main thing will not be how to survive the divorce from your husband, but how not to aggravate the current situation.

Give up the idea of returning everything. Surely there were pleasant moments in family life, but if divorce became a deliberate decision, then the way back is closed. The exception is making a decision spontaneously and rashly, but that’s a different story. There is no need to try to find an approach to your ex-husband and reason with him, all this is in vain. The main thing is to get out of this situation with dignity and never humiliate yourself.
At first, an emptiness forms inside, which you want to fill with new feelings. All this is just an illusion and stupidity, because the search for a new partner will only end in disappointment and new pain for two. No one has canceled flirting and entertainment, but you need to forget about serious relationships for a while. First, you need to completely deal with the past and forget it, and only then build a new life.
An attempt to hide behind the mask of a confident and cheerful woman. The emotions that will overwhelm you need to be accepted properly. If you want to cry, scream or break something, do so and don’t keep it to yourself. It's normal to have bouts of fear for the future. Don't forget that you are an ordinary person inside and this is typical for you.
Never make adult problems part of your children's lives. You should not say offensive words to your husband in front of your child, because this is the father of the baby, who for him is the standard of a man. Manipulating children is the most disgusting thing that can happen to yourself, your child and your spouse. There is only one conclusion and this is a ban on dragging children into squabbles and misunderstandings between parents.
Forbid yourself to believe in the illusion of a past life. You need to understand that if you get to the point of divorce, something has gone wrong. To think that the spouse was so attentive and kind and that this can return is a complete illusion. You are adults who have made important choices in life and now have to come to terms with them. Bringing back the past would be a fool's errand. Spend your energy and emotions on creating a better future based on the mistakes of the past.
Sleep is disrupted due to nervousness and excessive stress. At night there are intrusive thoughts and a flow of information that is difficult to control. 90% of those suffering from this start taking antidepressants and sleeping pills and this can result in serious problems. It is better to consult your doctor about gentler medications, and also spend more time in the fresh air and in the company of your best friends.
Divorce can cause unimaginable pain, disappointment, and a whole host of problems, but resorting to alcohol is strictly prohibited. A momentary weakness to the green snake can aggravate not only the problem that has arisen, but also jeopardize your entire life. The euphoria that drinking gives you is fleeting and will never help you think sensibly or make your dreams come true. We wrote above that you can start raising children, find a suitable hobby, start caring for a pet, or plunge into sports. There are many options and you should simply choose one of them.

Everything written above should help every woman who finds herself in a difficult situation. We talked about the stages that you will need to go through, and also gave recommendations and advice on how to survive a divorce from your husband. We discussed all sorts of mistakes during times of stress and emotional instability. If you collect the acquired knowledge in your head and analyze it wisely, you can understand that divorce is not the end of life. Marriages are not always happy and this needs to be understood. To create a healthy and strong family, you need to go through many tests. () Not everyone is always ready to sacrifice or compromise, or maybe they are simply not ready to create a social unit. There are many reasons, and we will talk about them another time.

We wish you to find what you want in your life and never wonder how to survive a divorce from your husband. Develop family relationships, learn something new, listen to the advice of the old generation and take an example from couples who have lived together for more than fifty years. In family life, try to avoid talking about divorce, and spend more time strengthening your bonds. If readers have any additions or recommendations of their own, you can always leave them in the comments below. Share your life experience, and maybe it will save someone's family.

“Should I divorce my husband?” - such a question will never arise in a family filled with love and understanding. At a time when the current relationship does not satisfy both partners, the decision to break off the relationship is made much easier. But if family life does not satisfy only you, how to overcome uncertainty and dare to take full responsibility? Let's discuss this.

What to do if family life is not satisfying?

Possible reasons for divorce

Psychologists believe that the breakup of a relationship, in terms of mental stress for women, is equal to the loss of a loved one. Therefore, before getting married, it is worth considering what the reasons are that make you want to get a divorce, in order to make as few mistakes as possible in family life and protect future children from worries.

You can destroy a love relationship for any reason, but let's look at the most common reasons for divorce:

Marriage in the heat of a passionate relationship. The basis of such relationships was only sex. If there are no common views on life, husband and wife quickly get bored of each other. Rash actions very often lead to a break in relationships.
The most common reason for divorce is the betrayal of one of the partners. It is quite difficult to forgive the infidelity of a loved one, and if this situation has happened more than once, then the desire to divorce comes instantly.
They couldn't stand each other's character. The breakdown of a relationship is inevitable when both partners, due to their pride, have no desire to give in and get used to their loved one.
The birth of the first child becomes a difficult test for young families. At this moment, both partners need to take all responsibility seriously, learn to sacrifice their selfish desires and treat each other with love.
People can get divorced over the slightest domestic disputes, but everyone knows that this is just a screen behind which lies the true reason for the breakup.

What are the consequences of rash divorces?

Having experienced an unsuccessful marriage, people make the wrong conclusions, such as “all women are hysterical” or “every man is a selfish creature,” and subsequent relationships will be built on the basis of this opinion. Children suffer the most after family breakdown. In their understanding, parents are a sacred, inextricable whole, and when it is broken, the child develops the wrong idea about family life. Another psychological stress is the division of property, which in a painful state goes from a showdown over who will get the car to a decision about who the children will stay with.

Divorce after infidelity

Women or men have their own reasons for cheating on their partner. However, not everyone takes into account that any manifestation of infidelity can lead to divorce. Regardless of the fact that human morals and religious teachings condemn treason, this problem is still relevant to this day.

Many men explain their reasons for cheating by the presence of a primitive instinct. They argue that resistance to masculine nature can cause mental disorder. However, polygamy in a man can be transformed depending on which woman is next to him. Wise wives try to change their image as often as possible and constantly surprise their men.

According to statistics, women resort to infidelity much less often than representatives of the stronger sex, and decide to do this only if they are truly unhappy in their marriage. The reason for female infidelity is the desire to receive male attention, which they lack in family life. Girls should always feel that their appearance attracts the stronger sex. At times, the husband’s same-type compliments become boring, but the courtship of strangers is perceived as proof of demand.

Should I divorce my husband?

Most often, the question “should I divorce my husband” arises because of his infidelity. But this type of breakup is not obligatory and, a loving woman, tries in every possible way to maintain the appearance of a happy life. However, you should not deceive yourself; forgiving your spouse does not guarantee that there will be no new betrayal. In fear of losing financial stability, it is very difficult to decide to divorce, especially if there are children in the marriage.

But it’s very rare for a woman to understand that a child has seen disrespect since childhood in a family where cheating regularly occurs. As they grow up, they notice that dad is unfaithful to mom and consider this to be the norm; later they will begin to build their family according to the same principle.

Reasons why you need to get a divorce

Violence in family relationships. If your husband hit you once, be sure that this situation will repeat itself and you should not deceive yourself in the hope that he will realize his mistake, because of this you need to get a divorce.
Constant humiliation of your personality. The psychological state of a person is very difficult to treat, and if your spouse asserts himself at the expense of your suffering, you do not need to endure such a life.
Partner's bad habits. Craving for alcohol and drug addiction is a common cause of family breakdown. If your chosen one does not want to get out of this state, you have no reason to hold on to such a relationship.

In what situations is it better not to rush into drastic changes?

You have fallen in love with a young, charming and sexy man. Should I get a divorce because of this? Psychologists are confident that you shouldn’t rush into a new relationship like a whirlpool, because very soon such love passes and there is a desire to return to the previous relationship. But will they take you back or not?
It seems to you that your significant other has ceased to understand you, and you have become bored with him. If you really loved your boyfriend, then understand that he is not a clown, but a person who also has personal concerns and problems. He needs your support too, so learn to compromise before you announce that you want a divorce.
You can forgive your loved one many things, but he must understand your actions and also strive to preserve the relationship. Otherwise, all your attempts will become another humiliation of your personality.

How do children feel when their family collapses?

If there are children in your family, think about whether it is necessary to inflict a psychological blow on the child because you quarreled with your wife? Children make it very difficult to get a divorce. From birth, the baby gets used to the fact that his parents sleep in the same bed, have dinner at the same table and spend their holidays together. Growing up in a complete family, he realizes what a strong and loving relationship should look like.

At the time of divorce, one of the parents disappears from the children's sight, leaving them completely confused and not understanding what is happening. According to statistics, most often men leave the family, and a woman in a stressful situation can rarely calmly explain to her child what happened. As a result, the mother reacts aggressively to the child’s question about dad, thereby awakening a feeling of guilt in his thoughts.

Children who have reached adolescence, having survived their parents' divorce, study poorly, become uncontrollable, begin to steal and run away from home. After the breakup of the family, the child begins to perceive adults as enemies who cannot be trusted. And a parent who has left the family, in his understanding, is a traitor who simply left.

Preschool children get many phobias from excitement and anxiety. The child begins to take on the character traits of the parent he misses so much. When leaving a family, an adult does not even understand how much pain he is doing to his children. And especially impressionable people may subconsciously return to infancy, suck their thumb before going to bed, or wet the bed. Often after parents divorce, the baby becomes depressed and gets sick. Therefore, before you decide to get a divorce, think about the people close to you.

Divorce of parents is a psychological blow for a child

Quiz: How can you end a relationship painlessly?

Sometimes going through the divorce procedure is much more difficult than forgiving all the betrayals and improving relationships. Do you want to know how to get through this moment easier? Our test will help with this:

How long ago did you realize that you wanted a divorce?

From the first day you felt that this relationship would not last - 1 point.
You’ve been planning how to break up for a year now – 2 points.
This decision is sudden - 3 points.
You have long thought that you need to break up, but you decided only now - 4 points.
There is no final decision yet – 5 points.

Does he annoy you or not?

Every little thing in it infuriates you – 1 point.
Very often his actions irritate him – 2 points.
Sometimes he is simply unbearable - 3 points.
You rarely get irritated – 4 points.
You're just bored next to him - 5 points.

What strength is your emotionality?

You are very reserved and calm – 1 point.

How do you think your partner will react to your leaving?

Anger and blaming you for wanting a divorce – 1 point.
Will make attempts to bring me back - 2 points.
Will switch his attention to work - 3 points.
He will not show that he is in pain - 4 points.
This will greatly upset him - 5 points.

To survive a divorce from her husband without consequences for mental health - this is how a woman should be determined when breaking up. Negative, painful emotions in the first time after a breakup are a natural human reaction in connection with the loss of someone you still love. Divorce of spouses is not a tragedy on a global scale. You can and should survive it. The most important thing is to know how to act, believe in yourself and your strengths and remember that this is a chance for a new, happier life.

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Leave, can't stay

Love is a wonderful feeling, but it often happens that the further life together of spouses who previously loved each other seems impossible. The initiator of a divorce can be both spouses, or maybe just one. Most often, men leave the family. There can be many reasons for such an action. Most often this is new love in the person of another woman or simply a desire to find freedom.

Women can also end family relationships, but they do this less often than the stronger sex. By following the advice of psychologists, you can survive difficult times and quickly restore emotional balance. It is worth analyzing the reasons for the divorce, drawing conclusions and drawing up a plan for further action.

How to survive your husband's betrayal

Most often it is not possible to get a painless divorce. If it becomes clear that without outside help it is impossible to cope with all the difficulties associated with divorce, a woman should consult a psychologist. The specialist will help her look at the situation in a new way, “from a different angle.” Advice from a psychologist will help you get through a difficult stage faster and set yourself up for the future correctly.

To get rid of negative thoughts and feelings and take the first step towards emotional recovery, you can now follow some recommendations from professionals.

This advice may seem inappropriate to many. It's hard to forgive a person who betrayed you. In this case, resentment and pain completely take over the woman’s mind and can last for years. But it is important to make an effort on yourself. Representatives of the fairer sex who have managed to forgive their ex-husband recover much faster after a breakup, find new love and create new families than those ladies who have been harboring anger and resentment towards their ex-partner for years.

2. Get rid of negativity. There is no need to be afraid of loneliness. It is simply necessary in the first time after a divorce. This break is needed to come to your senses, understand the reasons for what happened, get rid of negative experiences and calm down.

If it’s really hard, you can turn to a close friend, your mother. A woman in this situation should be supported by a person whom she absolutely trusts. It is necessary to let the negativity out, to process your negative emotions.

3. Communicate with people. During this difficult period of life, a woman should not lock herself within the walls of a house or apartment or limit communication with people. On the contrary, no matter how difficult it is, you need to try to make contact with friends and relatives. This will allow you to escape from your problems and worries, at least for the duration of communication, and prevent the manifestation of signs of depression.

You can go to the cinema, theater, cafe or restaurant, or just visit close friends. If time and finances allow, it is advisable to go with the company out of town or to the sea, and arrange a joint photo shoot. The positive emotions received from such events will have a beneficial effect on the mental and emotional state of a woman. It is important to understand that divorce is not the end of life, but in most cases it is a new, happier stage.

4. Don't take revenge. Many women after a divorce set themselves the goal of taking revenge on their ex-husband. But this is not the best way out of the conflict; moreover, in a fit of emotion, a woman can go too far and provoke a situation with unpleasant consequences for herself. It is better to remember all the good things that happened during the time spent with a man and be grateful for it.

5. Tune in to new relationships. When going through a difficult period, a woman should not convince herself that there will never be happiness and love in her personal life again. After a painful separation from their husband, many ladies refuse to start a new relationship for years, fearing history repeating itself. They simply avoid all communication with men. But if it doesn’t work out with one, it doesn’t mean it won’t work out with the others. All men are different. There will always be someone who will be your ideal life partner. It's just a matter of time.

But you shouldn’t go to the other extreme and start a new relationship immediately after a divorce. As a rule, this does not lead to anything good. A new acquaintance may end in a fleeting romance, and ultimately lead to even greater disappointment and pain. Light flirting with other men will make you feel attractive again to people of the opposite sex, but you shouldn’t get carried away with it. A new man will help you forget your ex-husband for a short time, but this is not a panacea, just a “pain pill.”

6. Bid my time. As you know, this is the best healer. After a few months, the pain will subside, and the resentment towards your ex-husband will disappear. It will become less painful to remember past relationships. There will come an understanding that everything that happened is only for the better.

This is why psychologists advise not to rush into starting a new romance. It is possible to build truly harmonious relationships only when a woman has achieved emotional balance. On average, this takes about six months.

7. Don't drown out emotions. Sometimes a woman tries to get rid of bad thoughts and difficult memories by immersing herself in work. This will not help you experience emotions well, but you can easily ruin your health and completely undermine your psyche in this way.

This applies not only to work, but also to food, entertainment and other ways a woman tries to distract herself. You need to try to take a bold step and go into your pain to the end: cry, grieve, and not tell everyone around you that your ex-husband is not worthy of tears. This is the only way to heal and qualitatively survive a difficult stage.

Children and parental divorce

If there are children in the family, you need to do everything possible to ensure that the divorce does not affect their psyche. You need to try to ensure that hard times affect your son or daughter as little as possible.

Here are some tips:

1. If the child is already old enough, you can try to explain to him the reasons for the divorce. Make it clear that mom and dad will no longer live together, but he is loved just as before. The child should be spoken to as an equal, as an adult.
2. You should not prohibit children from communicating with their father. They should feel the love and care of both parents. Joint meetings between father and children are necessary so that in the future the latter do not feel guilty about the divorce.
3. You cannot use a child as a means to keep or return your husband or insist that it is impossible to raise happy children without a father. A dysfunctional family is much better than a house in which scandals constantly occur.

Husband is a tyrant

To make this difficult stage of life a thing of the past, a woman can do the following:

Change your image. A new hairstyle, clothes, and makeup will give a woman self-confidence, improve her mood and self-esteem. The time of divorce is a good opportunity to take care of yourself. You need to take care of yourself during this period more than ever.
To have a pet. Living in a family without children can feel sad and lonely. There is a solution - buy a cat, dog, parrot or any other pet. In addition, this can help a woman expand her circle of acquaintances, for example, join a local kennel club or communicate on thematic forums.
Workout. Divorce is a good time to join a gym, improve your health and work on your body.
Go on a trip. New positive emotions will help you get over the breakup. While at the resort, you can safely flirt with men, increasing your confidence in your attractiveness.
Throw away unnecessary or old things. It is especially important to get rid of items that remind you of your ex-husband. If you don’t feel like throwing away valuables or memorabilia, it’s enough to put them in a place where they won’t catch your eye.
Make repairs in the apartment. You can radically change your environment so as not to be faced with reminders of your past life every day.
Get a new job. After a divorce, it is important for a woman to stand firmly on her own two feet and be able to provide for herself. This is the best time to think about your career.

When a relationship is no longer satisfactory, for many it is not easy to understand how to decide to file for divorce from their husband and whether it is worth doing it at all. In an effort to get a quick and correct ready-made answer, the desire to ask all your friends should be postponed, because they do not know the full situation or do not live the family life that you want.

Understanding the uselessness of directive advice at the philistine everyday level will not give favorable results, since they will speak to you from the perspective of their values and life situations, which differ from specific moments.

When there are no common points of contact, and there are no connecting everyday and legal issues left, then thinking does not take much time, but when you are looking for support in your choice, constantly weighing the situation and rushing between different options, then it makes sense to take a break.

You should give yourself a certain period of time when a mature decision will be made, and not give in to the outburst of a temporary or resentment. You definitely cannot get a divorce in a state of heightened emotionality, out of a desire for revenge, or in an attempt to prove something - this can only aggravate your further experiences, regret what you have done when the way back is cut off. If possible, leave the city or live in a rented apartment, in a hotel, or with friends. It is necessary to stabilize emotions and suddenly it turns out that after a couple of days of your own silence you got bored and do not want to lose this person.

Imagine a situation without a divorce and really assess your chances of being in these conditions (a day, a month, five years), whether they are really so terrible or whether you just want an emotional shake-up. Make a list of all the complaints and think about whether there are opportunities to change the situation or your attitude. In difficult family systems, where there is violence of any kind or dependence of one of the partners, leaving is a psychologically difficult step, because the woman was in a toxic relationship and her mental resources are depleted.

For many, it is relevant how to decide to divorce a husband who is an alcoholic or. At the same time, all logical and objective facts will speak about the need for rapid radical measures, but codependency can hold stronger than the instinct of self-preservation. It is better to consult a psychotherapist or attend appropriate support groups.

It is worth assessing the possible future, but also the material side of what is happening - the availability of housing and the division of property, the restructuring of general work, the regulation of meetings and relationships with children. Many moments from this very area, with their unbearability, force women to stay, endure beatings or constant betrayal. Here we can recommend obtaining legal advice, as well as advice and assistance from various organizations involved in the direct support of women who find themselves in such a dead-end situation.

Deciding on a divorce if there are children can also be extremely difficult out of a desire to preserve a full-fledged family, but with any acting talents of the parents, the child still very clearly sees and feels even more clearly that the situation is unnatural. A divorced family, where each parent is happy separately, will be more conducive to the formation of a healthy personality than two suffering creatures holding together with all their might.

Signs it's time to get a divorce

Crisis moments are the norm, regardless of the duration, semantic content of the relationship and their official registration. But the crisis cannot in any way be considered a reason for divorce - it is rather a transitional transformation period, after which a new life and a new recognition of each other begin. You can understand that this is not a crisis, but the end of a relationship, by asking yourself a few questions regarding your future together and how your vision matches. If you want different things and set radically opposite priorities (for example, a man wants a child, and a woman wants to travel the world), then it’s hardly worth wasting each other’s time.

There are a number of valid and absolute reasons for divorce, including threats to mental or physical well-being. What is important here is not the difference in perception or goal setting, as well as coldness in emotional expression, but the fact that the situation can end in failure in a psychiatric hospital, traumatology, or even a morgue. The first one is, implying beatings, cruel treatment, intimate harassment, threats to life and health. That is, even when your husband can leave you without food, locked in the apartment, or simply swung at you, but hasn’t hit you yet - these are already the signals when you need to pack your things while you still have the strength to leave.

Any type of addiction is the second most dangerous thing to be around a person. In our society, it is customary to tolerate alcoholics, treat drug addicts, and treat gambling addicts as completely ordinary people. However, all types of addiction destroy the personality of the user, which can subsequently lead to violence. In addition, a woman’s own psyche changes, the criteria for normality are gradually blurred, and as a result, she also needs psychological rehabilitation.

Parasitism and lack of work and the desire to help the family, as well as take full responsibility for its well-being and safety, deprive one of reliability. Couple unions provide protection and support, but when a partner simply lives on feminine energy and solves all his needs at her expense, then these are signs that it is time to get a divorce.

The result of such relationships is almost always the same - having completely exhausted herself, the woman can no longer cope with everything alone and then the man leaves in search of another resource. If the outcome is still about parting, then it is better to leave with full vital resources and the opportunity to build a new life, and not remain deprived of power.

Insults and humiliations, especially in public, are not just words, but emotional violence that destroys a woman’s self-esteem and self-identification. A tyrant with sadistic tendencies will always gladly joke about a sore subject and inject in the most open place. Cheating can also be included here as the most blatant disrespect, and indeed, why maintain such a relationship. But this moment is very problematic for psychological study, because in the mentality of the post-war years it is still postponed that there are not enough men and living in several families or with an alcoholic is better than living alone. But if your grandmother tolerated such an attitude, then you should tolerate it. Now times have changed, and there is every opportunity to live independently and happily.

When your marriage is holding on for the sake of the children or to avoid condemnation or upset of relatives (the old grandmother will definitely not survive this), if you are increasingly creating the appearance of a happy family, then you should get a divorce. When a woman’s whole body tenses from the presence of her husband in the room, and then she runs with relief to another, then this option is no better than his betrayal, only now you yourself are stealing the possibilities of happiness from yourself.

Take a close look at your marriage, evaluate the amount of personal interaction and warmth in it; perhaps you have been living in a student dormitory for several years now. Yes, you have one territory where you meet, but there are no joint dinners, and vacations are at different times.

When you notice that you have more interest and awareness about the life of your colleague than your spouse, and the intimacy disappeared several years ago, then everything is bad. The intimate part is the most striking marker of a relationship. Where there is hope, people will swear, slam doors, look at each other like unknown animals, but at night they will be full of passion. And vice versa, if even the external picture is ideal and respectful, but there is no physical attraction, and in its place comes coldness or even disgust, then there is nothing to save and it is better to stop creating appearances.

When the understanding comes that a divorce from your husband is necessary, the next moment is the search for strength and determination to leave. Lack of firmness of position, constant anxiety, and sometimes quite tangible fear are usually dictated not so much by remaining feelings and hope of fixing something, but by fear of change. A new life requires many new decisions, adaptations, energy and confrontation with reality issues that may not have existed in your life before.

In order to have more determination, you need to draw yourself a plan of desires to end the relationship. You can go nowhere only at the limit and in a situation of life danger, but if the relationship is not critical for life safety, then it is worth spending time to realize what you want in your new life. This applies to both the place of residence and the format of the new relationship (or the absence of a temporary or total one).

Perhaps there will be a question of changing jobs and general direction of activity. For women, the relevant point is her own appearance and the image that she used to have. Having formed a detailed plan for the desired life, it is necessary to move on to strategic planning, that is, a real assessment of existing assets and ways to achieve what you want. You can do something already during the process of submitting documents, for example, change your style and look for new housing. It takes time to resolve other issues - if you have never worked and now need money, or a general business may require sharing not only the financial part, but also the efforts invested.

After the internal plan is ready, you should prepare for a conversation with your husband. Here, too, you should think through everything well, assess the degree of his affective reaction. If you are leaving a jealous person, it is recommended to conduct the conversation on neutral territory to avoid physical harm or home confinement. When leaving a person who is psychologically dependent on you, get ready for moral blackmail (it’s better to be on the safe side with friends) in case of suicide attempts. Not all situations can be controlled and resolved on your own, so when passions become intense, immediately call the police or a quick response service.

If your husband is an adequate person, and you are leaving precisely because there are no passions between you, then you can discuss everything at home, choosing a free evening and, better yet, have a weekend ahead to solve the task at hand. In the conversation, you need to outline your decision, indicate the reasons for your choice (this is a necessary step to end the relationship) and offer to jointly resolve all legal and material issues.

A separate difficult moment is talking with children, which women are usually even more afraid of than with their spouse. You shouldn’t lie to your child that everything is fine between you and that this is only temporary. In soft language, together with your husband, tell him that you are disagreeing, be sure to emphasize that the baby is not to blame and remains loved by both of you. It is important for the child to understand how his life will now be built, so the conversation must be built after both spouses have imagined options for the future - it is this new way of life that needs to be described to the child so that he understands where he will live, with whom, how often he will live. see the other parent. You can talk with those who completely support you, and even better, are able to help with actions or help with practical experience.

Legal consequences

After the decision has been discussed, the legal side begins. A marriage entered into by the state can only be dissolved at the registry office; you cannot simply separate, because officially you remain one. If this relationship does not suit only the woman, then the man may try to maintain the formality of the marriage for various reasons and refuse voluntary divorce.
There is no need to be afraid, termination is possible forcibly, even without the presence of your husband - the relevant authorities will divorce you solely on the basis of your application. The only thing is that it will take more time and nerves.

During the process, a division of property occurs, which occurs on the basis of documents of a concluded marriage agreement or according to articles regulated by law. The issue of alimony can also be raised in court, but by mutual agreement of the parties this can not be done - this is suitable if the woman is sufficiently wealthy and does not want to depend in any way on her ex-husband, reducing the number of contacts and obligations. But in many situations, lawyers recommend opening this issue to receive financial support during the first adaptation period. According to the law, alimony can be collected if, being a financially and physically dependent person who is supported by her husband for the entire period of marriage, a woman has the right to payments for her personal needs and maintenance.

Legal property relations after the divorce process are terminated and from that moment all achievements and obligations, except those established by the court (alimony or framework regulating communication) cease. Neither the ex-husband nor the wife can anymore demand help, support or compensation from the other.

The issue of changing a surname is regulated separately if, when registering a marriage, a woman took her husband’s surname. This issue remains at the woman’s personal discretion, but it is worth considering the need to change all documents when returning to her maiden name or choosing another one.

Negotiations through the court are not always successful and involve long waiting periods when spouses are given time to think about their decisions. That is why it makes sense to solve everything individually, with registration from private lawyers. By making compromise decisions, in the end you can get more important acquisitions than houses, stocks and multi-cookers - saved nerves and peace of mind.

Parting with a loved one can unsettle even the strongest woman. After a divorce, complete devastation sets in, which can be very difficult to cope with. It is almost impossible to survive this time alone - it is very important to surround yourself with close people who will help you forget your husband.

Stages of experiencing divorce

Any loss in psychology is characterized by five main stages, which are very important to go through one after another. You should not try to jump from first to fifth - you will not speed up the process of accepting the situation in this way.

Regarding time, this is a very individual question. Forgetting your ex-husband cannot happen overnight, especially if you have a very eventful past. The more time you begin to devote to yourself, and not to thoughts about the loss of your spouse, the faster this situation will let you go and the breakup will become absolutely painless.

So what are these stages?

Shock and denial
At the first stage after breaking up, there comes a moment of denial of the situation. To any sensible arguments from others that it would be better this way, the woman reacts inadequately, completely rejecting the idea itself.
Anger and resentment
At this moment, anger appears at the ex-husband for his actions - infidelity, betrayal, inattention, etc. In addition, after a dose of negativity towards your ex, there is a piece left for yourself. The woman is angry with herself for all sorts of minor offenses, thinks that everything could have turned out differently if “not for that very incident.”
Stage of guilt
A logical continuation of the previous stage - anger at oneself develops into a persistent feeling of guilt. An active search for errors begins and an attempt to fix everything. It is at this stage that a strong desire arises to call your ex and offer a compromise solution to the situation.
Depression
The most difficult stage of experiencing divorce. At this moment there comes a full realization that the family no longer exists. At this stage, it is very important to feel the support of loved ones - the more attention and care is given to the abandoned woman, the faster she will move to the final stage.
Adoption
The moment when it becomes easy and simple, and the husband’s departure from the family does not seem so painful. Finally, a full understanding of the situation comes, plans for the near future appear in my head. It is during this period that a woman begins a new life.

In the video below you can see some more stages of experiencing loss.

What not to do

After the betrayal and betrayal of your husband, it is especially difficult to cope with your emotions. In this case, it is very important for a woman to understand that the world has not collapsed. Don't dwell on the negativity that has fallen on your shoulders.

Important! First of all, you should understand that the strongest and most reliable support is yourself. In addition, if you have children, do not forget about them - for children, parental divorce is no less painful than for adults.

Many women make a number of mistakes in an attempt to ease their morale and help themselves cope with a breakup. Under no circumstances should you do the following.

Trying to get everything back. Despite all the good things that happened in your family, a breakup occurred. You should not “run” after your ex-husband in an attempt to reason with him. If the decision was not made rashly, you need to get out of this situation with dignity.
Immediately look for a new relationship. Most likely, this will simply be an attempt to fill the emptiness that has formed inside, and not real feelings. A woman will look for someone similar, but is unlikely to be able to truly love a new man immediately after breaking up. You shouldn’t rush headlong into the pool until old feelings are completely released.
Suppress negative emotions. Tears, anger, fear - this is a natural female reaction to her husband leaving the family. You should not hide your feelings and accumulate grievances within yourself - in the future this will not have the most favorable effect on the state of the body.
Drawing children into “showdowns”. Despite the fact that the husband acted vilely, there is no need to turn the children against him. Insulting your ex in the presence of your child and forbidding them to see each other is not a good idea. The child should not get the feeling that his father is a liar and a deceiver, so that in the future this type of behavior does not become the norm for him.
Indulge yourself with illusions. Even if in the past your husband regularly pampered you with breakfasts in bed, expensive gifts and excessive attention, you need to accept that this will no longer happen with this person. There is no need to think that the man had a moment of weakness and everything will return to normal - it will not return.
Take strong antidepressants. Due to stress and anxiety, a woman may develop insomnia, which is best treated with gentler medications. For quality rest, you can use light sedatives on a natural basis.
Drowning the pain in alcohol. In our right mind, each of us understands that alcohol is not a way out of the situation. But when the world collapses, your hand may involuntarily reach for the bottle. Avoid this and try to replace such momentary euphoria with something less harmful - hobbies, walks, sports.

How to stop loving your ex-husband?

When there are no more tears left, and the obsessive desire to dial your ex-husband’s number gradually begins to go away, you need to try to open yourself to a new relationship. To do this, you need to understand for sure that you have fallen out of love.

If the spark of love for your ex-spouse still smolders inside, you need to do your best to extinguish it. To stop loving the person who left you, you can try using the following methods.

Eliminate things that remind you of him from everyday life. Visual memory is the strongest and longest. Bumping into common household items every day, a woman immediately, unwillingly, remembers spending time together with her ex. You should completely remove everything that may remind you of your husband - his things, photographs, gifts. All this can be thrown away or simply hidden in a distant drawer.
Ask your loved ones not to dwell on the topic of divorce. If at every meeting everyone around begins to feel sorry for the woman and sympathize with her, then there can be no talk of accepting the situation. The fewer reminders of what happened, the easier it is to ignore problems and start living again.
Focus on the positive. Pay attention to the good aspects of life after a divorce - no one scatters socks around the apartment, there is no need to wake up early in the morning and cook breakfast for someone. Try to enjoy the moment of solitude and make the most of this period.
Don't be afraid to flirt. No one talks about starting a new relationship immediately after a divorce. But a little flirting with a stranger won't hurt. This will make you feel like a desirable woman, raise your self-esteem and once again hear pleasant words addressed to you.

And below in the video there are several more simple ways to “remove” feelings.

Practice emotional release

In addition to the above methods, there is a special technique that will cool your feelings for your ex-husband.

Important! This practice allows you not only to get rid of feelings for a man who has stopped loving you, but also restores strength, restores spiritual integrity and helps to analyze the entire flow of life.

Emotional release is a psychological practice that is used for both women and men. In addition, by adjusting some points, thanks to this technique you can survive any negative event - separation, dismissal, loss of a loved one.

The practice consists of 7 stages that must be performed one by one.

In a notebook or notebook, describe your feelings for your ex-husband as vividly as possible. Don’t be shy about beautiful words, because you really had true love. Also, don’t be intimidated by the scribbled pages - usually it takes a whole notebook to complete this task.
Write a detailed answer for each feeling - why did it arise for you? For example, if you now feel guilty about your ex, describe in detail why. You should explain to yourself as accurately as possible the nature of the occurrence of a particular condition.
After the work done, you should rest for several hours. The important point is that it takes time to go through all the stages. But you shouldn’t drag out this process over long days - the faster all the tasks are completed, the faster your feelings for your husband will be released.
Next, in a new notebook, you should describe the person you would like to see next to you. Tell us how you see him - starting from his appearance, type of activity, habits and ending with his attitude towards you.
Now you need to compare your husband with the resulting ideal. Do they have many similarities? Perhaps your ex still has more shortcomings than you would like?
To understand that the decision to divorce was the most correct in your life, you should pay attention to all the disadvantages of your unfortunate spouse. Write down in detail everything that annoyed you so much - night snoring, inattentive behavior, laziness, etc. Tell me, have you always dreamed of such a husband?
And now the most important stage - we take off the rose-colored glasses. It is important to understand that people do not change over time and all the habits that are so annoying in your ex would not go away. With this practice, you can stop idealizing your husband and realize that there are many other caring and faithful men around.

The emotional state after a divorce cannot be called stable. This period is characterized by mood swings and slight confusion. In order to finally cope with all the difficulties that await a woman after her husband’s betrayal, it is necessary to listen to the advice of experts.

Try to occupy your free time. Concentrating on any type of activity will help you forget about problems and all the thoughts that bother you. To do this, you can go deeper into work or start repairs.
Find an outlet for yourself. A new hobby will help you relax and unwind. In addition, an activity that brings pleasure will relieve your emotional state and allow you to move on to a new stage in life.
Go on a trip. Take your child with you and see the world. For example, you can go to warmer climes in the middle of winter. Thanks to this change of scenery, you will plunge into new sensations and rethink what is happening. And the warm sun and sea breeze will be a pleasant bonus on this trip.
Let go of grudges. You shouldn’t get hung up on your husband’s betrayal - accumulating grievances will not lead to anything good. Forgive him for all his wrongdoings, and it will become much easier for you.
Don't stay alone for long. Try to surround yourself with close people who will provide moral support. If after a divorce you are often left alone with your thoughts, a stage of introspection and internal conflict may begin.
Forget the word "revenge". Don’t even try to “prick” your ex in any way - you shouldn’t spread gossip about him or try to “plant the pig.”
Make a new you. Every woman at a new stage of life changes her image. Try experimenting with your wardrobe or appearance - such changes will inspire you to accomplish new things and help you realize your attractiveness.

The most important thing after a divorce is not to despair. The world didn't collapse, it just changed a little. Once you understand this, many new opportunities will open up for you.

And in the video below there is some more interesting information about how to survive a divorce from a loved one.

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