How to survive the death of parents advice from a psychologist. Sudden death of a loved one, without the last goodbye

accept my sincere condolences! Keep yourself occupied, try to relax! I can't recommend anything else! Only time will help! My dad died 1 year 7 months ago! Now it's much easier! And then I thought that I would not survive this! I don’t even know what could be more painful than the loss of the most precious and loved one! Hold on!

Only time...

TIME HEALS AND HEALS!!! 4 years of life-SURVIVAL!!!
January 2010 - grandmother's death;
June 2010 - death of the second grandmother (cancer);
July 2010 - godfather's death (cancer);
my birthday October 2010 - the death of my mother (burned down in the house). AT recent times we didn’t really get along with her. Two weeks before that, she dropped a cup of salt (all over the kitchen), on my birthday they gave me two roses (as I remember now that I tried to laugh it off that I wasn’t going to a funeral), and also, in the evening my sister and I called and said that our house was on fire, as I remember now, they ran out in their bathrobes. And the words of the firefighters that the woman burned down there ... She drank 5 vials of valerian with Corvalol, fell asleep ... In the morning a neighbor came and brought a tray of cakes, said that her mother had brought it yesterday, asked me to pass it on so that she would not be offended ... But then the neighbor had not yet I knew my mother was gone...
4 years have passed...Ask what has changed? NOTHING!!! I ask them for forgiveness every day, I remember them every day, I miss them every day ... YES!!! I understood what it means to appreciate ... and I have always been an egoist before ...
February 2014 - grandfather died ...
I feel like a woman who has lived a lifetime ... With black and old stripes ... I remember all the good and bad ... and I'm only 22 years old ...
Yes, I live on!!! I live because they gave me life!!! And for them I have to live!!! But it's hard for me, very hard... BUT, I know ONE thing for sure!!! MY RELATIVES will never be forgotten!!! My children and grandchildren will know about them!!!
Tatyana, Ryazan.

Time, only time.... My husband died 2 years ago, my youngest son was 9 months old. A year later, my mother suddenly died of oncology .. and after another three months, the old daughter died, she was only 17 years old ... If it weren’t for little son I would go crazy...

Well, when my father died in a terrible accident 8 years ago, I definitely didn’t write to the Internet on that day .... somehow not before that .. but in general only time ... there are no other “medicines” ...

Recently, my grandmother died ... Who was like a mother to me and like my best friend ... It hurts a lot, but I'm used to living with this pain ... Almost every day I ask her to forgive me for everything, because very often I did not offend her for what ... For yelling at her when she called often just to chat, when she didn’t live with her ... How I miss it now ... Every evening I say how much I love her, and I regret that I rarely told her about it before ... Author, hold on, I really sympathize with you ....

I scored in the search engine “How to survive the death of relatives ....“ I found your site. I read many letters of grief from survivors ....... or maybe there are no people who have lost relatives. My story is probably no different from all those already written here. ........ It's the second year that mom and dad are not around me (it's still scary) I lost them in one month, 29 days among the funerals. They still had a lot of life and health, but at least I thought so. Dad died suddenly. I had a heart attack while fishing .......... they found him already frozen on the river. The picture that I drew for myself from the stories of those who found him, I still see in a dream. I know one thing .. ...... he felt bad, he probably knew that he would not survive, he was slowly freezing, his body was severely frostbite. When they told me about this, I thought I couldn’t survive, I thought I’d go crazy. At that moment I was at work ... ... rushing about like a lioness in a cage screaming. It's terrible to remember what was in my head. It seemed that this was a nightmare and when it would end ....... the road to my parents' house was a long (200 km.) night, winter. ...... and like infinity. For three days the ambulance did not leave us. I thought ALL LIFE IS OVER. My father was the most close person, my mother and I did not have such mutual understanding ...... after the funeral of my father and mother, my brother remained to live. !!! Horror in my head! Brains, body, soul are dead. herself. She sent the child specially to visit her father so that she wouldn’t see me in such a state. At work, I came across the condemnation of colleagues, there were questions like “How can you smile after such grief?” “Where there are two deaths there and a third, wait!” ...... what God knows at that moment I felt. I didn’t have anyone who could cry, those who could have been far away, tears on the phone ....... not even more so every evening , it wasn’t always on time and didn’t want to burden anyone with your grief. Four walls and you are alone with your grief. I thought I’d go to a madhouse. to get out of this state, I am insanely grateful to him. The pain dulled a little. Mom and Dad did not dream of me until a year after death, they always torment A year and a half has passed. And as if everything happened yesterday. The knife sticks out in my soul and the wound of loss bleeds. I cry constantly as soon as I stay alone, I try not to show anyone how difficult it is for me. I can, my hand does not rise, and I can’t live there myself. Time does not heal my wound ...........

Got it in a search engine

My dad died on January 29, he was 47 years old. I called in the morning, we talked, agreed that I would come in the evening. I came and didn’t open the door, but I was at home myself (the key was in the lock), I freaked out and left. This was already, fell asleep under the TV and figs get it. The next day they came with my mother, again the same picture, the TV is working, the light is in the same rooms. They called the police, broke down the door, and he was sitting in the kitchen, in his favorite place, already dead. He choked, but could not clear his throat, the ribs were tightened with a belt (the ribs hurt). When I saw him I thought I was going crazy. The guy immediately took away from there.
It's extremely hard for me. I still don’t realize what happened, I still want to call him, chat as before. I cry at night, I can’t believe that I won’t talk to him anymore, I won’t see him. For me, he is the ideal man, we have always been very close spiritually, we understood each other perfectly. At home, everything reminds of him, clothes hang, shoes stand, as if he had just come home and is sitting in the kitchen in his favorite place. Now we live with my grandmother, we will sell that apartment, neither I nor my mother will be able to live there.
Insanely hard for mom, in the summer they would have had 24 years from the wedding day. I'm holding on for her.

Alinochka is my girl! I, too, first lost my son at 3.5 years old, died due to illness, then 8 years ago my mother died, then divorced my husband almost immediately, and soon it will be a year since my dad died, he was ill for a long time. I am now alone, all alone. at 41 without children, without relatives, older sister there is, of course, but she doesn’t want to accept me, not to be related, that’s why I’m writing that I’m alone. It’s very hard, while I worked every day, I tried without days off, I only cried at night, but now I’m very sick, dizzy for a month. I cry from morning to evening, I felt even stronger loneliness, doctors cannot make a diagnosis, severe depression. You wouldn’t even wish this on your enemy. so hold on dear, it’s very difficult, sometimes it’s even a sin, I think that I might not live at all, it stops only that it’s sin and you won’t meet your relatives in the next world. Loneliness is very scary. I don’t know how old you are, but if you give birth young, for yourself, even if you are not married. believe children are the flowers of life. Hold on!

Dad died. For many who have lost their father, this phrase sounds heartbreaking. And my heart aches in my chest, beating at the same time in a frantic rhythm. When the father dies, i.e. when the father died, everything inside seemed to break off, as if the world had collapsed. And at such moments, close friends could help, but not for everyone and not always. It happens that words of support not only help, but even annoy, infuriate, well, how much you can repeat the same thing. Take it easy! How can you calm down? Or get a grip! How? How can you be calm when the person with whom you grew up, played, was brought up, sometimes shared secrets, asked for advice, suddenly dies, leaves you, somewhere out there, to heaven, to paradise, to the universe ... You thought that here it will always be so, that he will always live, you can always call him, talk to him, ask how he is, how are you, what did you do ... But alas, it’s like that for everyone, at an unexpected or expected moment we lose our fathers. And no matter how hard it is for us, we need to live on, to live, because he gave us life, because he wanted it so, because it should be so that fathers leave before their children. Yes, it’s hard, but impossible to accept this thought: “Dad is dead.” And no matter how much you would like to return him - this, alas, is impossible, therefore, you need to come to terms and accept the fact that dad has died, that now he will not be around, that you need to live without this person.

Of course, you can resist this thought, but it will not help reality. In reality, it will only get worse from the fact that the wish for dad to be alive does not match the reality that dad is no longer there. And no matter how much a person suffers, reality will remain, and the desired will not be fulfilled. It is difficult to understand and even more so to accept, and even after many years, remembering dad, the heart will ache, there will be tears, there will be bitterness, and life will no longer be the same as it was before.

But if you can't get your father back, you can get yours back. emotional condition in the normal direction. And you can start smiling again, live on, without sadness. It would seem that this is impossible, because dad died. But I will tell you that it is possible and I see this every day with different people who lost their father. There are intensive methods and techniques that allow you to quickly recover from the loss of your dad. Relieving you from feelings of grief and loss, from suffering and longing. Leaving only a little sadness and a bright, warm memory of him, of your father. So don't wait for it to subside on its own. Click on the link (>>) and follow the instructions. And you can get rid of grief and live as before, but without it.
Everything is much simpler than it seems now.
I will not convince you, you will see for yourself in an hour.

When someone close to you dies, the feeling of loss can overwhelm you completely. There is no one who is easy to let go. Therefore, when a father dies, it may seem that it is impossible to survive this loss. Is this reaction to grief normal? How to deal with your feelings? How do you get over the death of your father?

Acknowledge and mourn the loss

Very often, the first feeling that comes after the news of the death of a loved one is disbelief. Death is not a natural event, so what happened seems impossible. It may seem that not agreeing with this, you can avoid experiences. Therefore, denial or disbelief is normal. That is why there may not be tears right away or at a funeral.

However, through certain time Awareness still comes, and it is always unexpected. Sometimes they say about such feelings that they "cover with the head" or "completely cover, without giving the opportunity to think about something else." During this period, you need to give vent to feelings and mourn your loss.

You can't let anyone decide if a grief reaction is normal. It may seem to someone that a person is grieving too much or not enough. Such an opinion of others is better to forgive them and forget. The reaction to grief is an individual concept, and no one can impose their own standards.

One way to release your feelings is to let your tears flow. Although it may seem to someone that if a person restrains his feelings, it will be easier for him or that this is a sign of strength. In fact this is not true. A person cries not because he is weak, but because he is in pain. Tears are a natural reaction, the body is designed in such a way that, along with tears, substances are released that soothe nervous system. So tears really help to calm down. True, this does not apply to people whose crying turns into a hysterical state.

You can ease your worries by talking about your feelings. Can stop the fear of misunderstanding or unwillingness to upset others. But if everyone struggles with grief alone, it will only make the situation worse. After the death of dad, it will be easier for mom and children if they rally together. And for this you need to talk, including about experiences, fears and pain.

No need to compare yourself and family members, deciding who is worse and who grieves more. It’s bad for everyone, and trying to support each other makes it easier to cope with your feelings.

There is a good chance that someone, due to severe pain, will say something that hurts feelings. It is worth remembering that now in this person his pain speaks. Most likely, in fact, he does not think so, he just feels that way at the moment.

There are situations when it is impossible to talk about your feelings, or simply there is no one with whom. Some say that it became a little easier for them after they expressed their feelings on paper. It can be a diary in which everything that worries is recorded, or letters to the deceased. One woman wrote letters to her son for more than ten years. According to her, it helped her to get over her grief.

Guilt

Regardless of what the relationship with dad was, whether family members lived far from each other or close, because of which he died and other factors, guilt comes to everyone who had to lose loved ones. So our subconscious tries to explain what happened. It pops up in my thoughts: “if I persuaded him to go to the doctor ...”, “if then we had not quarreled ...”, etc. This is part of the reaction to the loss that you can’t come to terms with. It is worth remembering that these feelings are not a real reason to look for the cause of what happened in your behavior.

Guilt is a symptom that appears regardless of the circumstances.

It must be remembered that no matter how much we love the deceased, we, unfortunately, cannot foresee everything and direct his every step. Missing something imaginary or real does not mean at all that the father was not loved. Wishing someone to die and not being able to foresee something are two different things.

It is clear that no one had any desire to harm the father. Therefore, it is not necessary to consider yourself guilty of his death.

Feelings of guilt after the death of a father can be directed not only at oneself. Questions may arise for other family members. If you just scroll through them in your head, you can really believe in someone's guilt, direct or indirect. If these thoughts are haunting, during the conversation it is worth gently clarifying what the family member thinks about this. The main thing is to refrain from accusations.

The purpose of the conversation is not to find the guilty, but to get rid of thoughts that can deprive you of peace. If it seems that this conversation is indispensable, you need to choose your words very carefully. And do not be surprised to hear counter questions - most likely, thoughts about someone's guilt arise in all family members.

In addition to feelings of guilt, there may be a sense of missed opportunities. So much has not been said or done! Unfortunately no one can perfect child for his father. This does not mean that dad was not loved enough. This means that all people are not perfect, and this must be recognized in relation to ourselves.

How to live on

Immediately after the tragedy, it may seem that life has stopped. Most likely, problems with sleep and appetite will begin. It is necessary to make a conscious effort to return to the usual daily routine as soon as possible. If you can’t get back to your normal routine, it makes sense to seek help from a psychologist.

Do not solve the problem with alcohol. Thus, problems simply accumulate, and their solution is pushed back. Resolving issues at an advanced stage is more difficult.

Making decisions

Often the father has many responsibilities. But even if this is not so, after his death, you need to take a lot serious decisions. These include questions such as:

• What to do with the things of the deceased and with everything that reminds of him?
• Does a mother need to move in with adult children?
• If the children are still too young to earn money, how can a mother support a family? How can they help her?

Some believe that it is necessary to immediately get rid of the things of the deceased, so that nothing stirs the soul. However, many widows and children of the deceased later regret that they rushed to such a decision. Of course, at first, most likely, these things will cause pain, and it may be worth removing them. But then, when the pain subsides a little, it may appear desire touch anything related to the deceased. Therefore, it is worth leaving something to remember.

Another serious decision is the mother's move to adult children. For children, it may seem the only right decision to be taken as soon as possible. However, such a move is an additional stress for the mother. No need to rush her: perhaps it is best for her to mourn her loss in the house where she lived with her husband.

It can be very difficult when a mother is fully responsible for taking care of her children financially. Immediately after the incident, there may be a thought: “after the death of my husband, I don’t need anything anymore.” It's not selfishness, it's pain. But this is the situation when you need to think about the future of your children and your own. It is worth asking someone close to you to find out about possible benefits and payments in state institutions and at the place of work of the deceased. You don't have to turn down help.

Do not go to extremes. If, after the death of her husband, the mother goes headlong into work, the children may feel even more severe pain. Do not expect that after the redistribution of responsibilities, everything will immediately work out. You need to give yourself and your family time to get used to such changes.

Patience towards yourself and others

Often the pain of loss weighs on a person longer than he expected. Therefore, you need to be patient, not judging yourself or family members for suddenly surging emotions. From year to year, seemingly gone feelings can return again and again. This is fine. Sometimes those who mourn the loss are thrown from one extreme to another: either you want to constantly talk about the deceased, or you don’t want to remember, so as not to hurt yourself.

Patience will also be required in relation to others. Most likely, many of them will feel embarrassed and not know what to say. In such situations, people often say something inappropriately or tactlessly - not because they have malicious intent.

Some who have lost their father are frightened when the sharp pain begins to subside. It may seem that love for him has weakened. But it's not. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting. It means focusing on the good things that happened and moving on with your life. This is not a betrayal, but a gradual one.

Of course, immediately after the death of the pope, it may seem that relief will never come. But if you accept the loss and mourn it, take the time to make serious decisions, and patiently manage emotions, you can feel better over time.

Irina, Pyatigorsk

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 8 minutes

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The death of a person is always an unexpected event, especially when this happens to people close and dear to us. Such a loss is a profound shock to any of us. At the moment of loss, a person begins to feel the loss. emotional connection, deep feeling guilt and unfulfilled debt to the deceased. All these feelings are very oppressive, and can cause severe depression. Therefore, today we will tell you how to survive the death of a loved one.

The death of a loved one: 7 stages of grief

Psychologists distinguish 7 stages of grief that all people who mourn for a deceased loved one experience. At the same time, these stages do not alternate in any particular sequence - Each person goes through this process individually. . And since understanding what is happening to you helps to cope with grief, we want to tell you about these stages.
7 stages of grief:

1. Negation.
   "It is not true. Impossible. It couldn't happen to me." Fear is the main reason for denial. You are afraid of what happened, afraid of what will happen next. Your mind is trying to deny reality, you are trying to convince yourself that nothing has happened in your life and nothing has changed. Outwardly, a person in such a situation may simply look numb, or, on the contrary, fuss, actively organize the funeral, call relatives. But this does not mean that he easily experiences the loss, he just has not yet fully realized it.
   However, it should be remembered that a person who has fallen into a stupor should not be protected from the hassle associated with the funeral. Ordering funeral services and registration of all required documents make you move, communicate with people, and thus help to get out of a stupor.
   There are cases when, in the stage of denial, a person generally ceases to perceive the world adequately. And although this reaction is short-lived, help to get out of this state is still needed about. To do this, you need to talk to a person, while constantly calling him by name, do not leave alone and try to distract a little . But it’s not worth comforting and reassuring, it still won’t help.
   The denial stage is not very long. During this period, a person, as it were, prepares himself for the departure of a loved one, realizes what happened to him. And as soon as a person consciously accepts what happened, he begins to move from this stage to the next.
2. Anger, resentment, rage.
   These feelings of a person capture completely, and are projected onto the whole world around. During this period, you are enough for him good people and everyone is doing it wrong. Such a storm of emotions is caused by the feeling that everything that is happening around is a great injustice. The strength of this emotional storm depends on the person himself, and how often he splashes them out.
3. Guilt.
   A person more and more often recalls the moments of communication with the deceased, and a realization comes - here he paid little attention, there he spoke very sharply. The thought “Have I done everything to prevent this death” comes to mind more and more often. There are cases when the feeling of guilt remains with a person even after he has gone through all the stages of grief.
4. Depression.
   This stage is most difficult for those people who keep all their emotions to themselves, not showing their feelings to others. In the meantime, they exhaust a person from the inside, he begins to lose hope that someday life will return to its normal course. Being in deep sadness, the mourner does not want to be sympathized with. He is in a gloomy state and has no contact with other people. Trying to suppress his feelings, a person does not release his negative energy thus becoming even more miserable. After losing a loved one, depression can become quite difficult. life experience which will leave an imprint on all aspects of human life.
5. Acceptance and pain relief.
   Over time man will pass all previous stages of grief and finally come to terms with what happened. Now he can already take his life in hand and direct it in the right direction. His condition will improve every day, and anger and depression will weaken.
6. Renaissance.
   Although it is difficult to accept a world without a person dear to you, it is simply necessary to do so. During this period, a person becomes uncommunicative and silent, often mentally withdraws into himself. This stage quite long, it can last from several weeks to several years.
7. Creation of a new life.
   After going through all the stages of grief, a lot of things change in a person’s life, including himself. Very often in similar situation people try to find new friends, change the environment. Someone changes jobs, and someone changes their place of residence.

Life always ends in death, we understand this intellectually, but when people leave this world Dear people emotions take over. Death takes some into oblivion, but at the same time breaks others. What to say to a mother who is trying to get over death only son? How and how to help? There are still no answers to these questions.

Time does not heal

Psychologists, of course, help orphaned parents. They give advice on how to survive the death of a son, but before you listen to them, you need to understand a few important things. This is especially true for those who want to help their friends or relatives survive grief.

No one can come to terms with the death of their child. A year will pass, two, twenty, but this pain and longing still will not go anywhere. They say that time heals. This is not true. It's just that a person gets used to living with his grief. He can also smile, do what he loves, but it will be a completely different person. After the death of a child, a black, deaf void forever settles inside the parents, in which unfulfilled hopes, unspoken words, feelings of guilt, resentment and anger at the whole world huddle like sharp fragments.

With each new breath, these fragments seem to increase, turning the insides into a bloody mess. Of course, this is a metaphor, but those who wonder how to survive the death of a son experience something like this. Time will pass, and the bloody mess will already become a common occurrence, but as soon as some external irritant is reminded of what happened, sharp spikes will immediately break out of the arms of the void and with a frenzy dig into the already slightly healed flesh.

Stages of grief

For parents the loss of a son is a terrible tragedy, because it is impossible to find a reason that will justify this departure. But the worst thing is that there is no cure for this torment. Together with the death of a child, a mother buries her own heart, it is impossible to survive son's death how impossible it is to move a mountain. But suffering can be alleviated. You need to live your grief from beginning to end. It will be incredibly difficult, impossible to impossible, but nature itself natural mechanism relieve stress from difficult circumstances. If you go through all the steps, it will become a little easier. So, through what stages does the one who survived the death of his son

1. Sobs and tantrums.
2. Depression.
3. Mourning.
4. Parting.

More about stages

As for the stages of going through grief, at first the parents feel a shock, this state lasts from 1 to 3 days. During this period, people tend to deny what happened. They think there's been a mistake or something bad dream. Some parents get stuck at this stage on long years. As a result, they begin to experience serious psychical deviations. For example, the mother who died one year old baby, can walk in the park for many years, rocking a doll in a stroller.

Shortly after the shock and denial comes the stage of sobs and tantrums. Parents can scream until they are hoarse, and then fall into a state of complete emotional and physical exhaustion. This state lasts about a week, and then turns into depression. Tantrums happen less and less, but at the same time, anger, longing and a feeling of emptiness begin to grow in the soul.

After depression and the parents begin to mourn. They often remember their child, scroll through the brightest moments from his life. The mental pain recedes for a while, but then rolls over again, I want to speak out or talk with someone about my son. This stage can last a very long time, but then the parents still say goodbye to their child and let him go. heavy, mental anguish turn into a quiet and bright sadness. After such a tragedy, life will never be the same, but you need to live on. The only pity is that the optimistic speeches of acquaintances will not answer the question of how to help mothers survive the death of their son . Only after experiencing grief from beginning to end, you can feel some relief.

Creativity, sports, conversations

There is no cure for the pain of losing a child, but it can be curbed, dulled, and distracted. How do you get over the death of your son? You can start with something simple, like creativity. In honor of the deceased son, it would be nice to draw a picture, write a poem or start embroidering. Great distraction from thoughts physical exercise. The greater the load, the more they dull emotions.

You should not keep everything in yourself, you definitely need to talk with someone, it is best if it is a person who is in a similar situation, or was able to cope with his grief. Of course, it may be that there is no one to talk to, then you need to write about everything that worries you. Expressing your feelings in writing is much easier than in conversation, and besides, expressed, even if in this way, emotions will exert less pressure.

medical practice

In such matters, it is better to take the advice of a psychologist. Of course, they won’t teach you how to survive the death of your son, but they will help a little. First of all, you should refer to good specialist. This is especially true for those who are unable to cope with their experiences on their own. There is nothing shameful in going to a psychologist, this doctor can tell medications, which will take off a little emotional stress improve sleep and general well-being organism. The psychologist will also write out several useful advice selected individually for each patient.

You should not resort to the help of alcohol or drugs, and you do not need to independently prescribe serious drugs. These methods will not help you survive the death of your son, but will only aggravate the situation more.

Be sure to stick to the daily routine. Let through force, but you need to eat. You need to force yourself to go to bed at the same time. Correct Mode Helps reduce the amount of stress hormones in the body.

Unspent love

There is another way to deal with grief. The death of a son, like a real curse, will hang like a black cloud over the heads of parents wherever they are. At one point, their world became empty, there was no one else to love, no one to give their care to, no one to pin their hopes on. People withdraw into themselves, stop communicating with others. They seem to boil in their own juice.

But man is not made to live alone. Everything that is in the life of each of us, we receive from other people, so you should not refuse help, you should not ignore the calls of friends and relatives, and you should leave the house at least once every few days. It seems to a person that his suffering is unbearable, time and earth have stopped, and nothing and no one else exists. But look around, have other people stopped suffering or dying?

law of psychology

The most difficult thing is to experience the death of adult children. At that moment, when it seems that life has not been lived in vain, suddenly the ground leaves from under the feet when they report the death of an adult son. The past years begin to seem meaningless, because everything was done for the sake of the child. So how do you get over the death of your only adult son? In psychology, there is a simple and understandable law: in order to reduce your own pain, you need to help another person.

If parents lost own child, this does not mean at all that no one needs their cares and love anymore. There are many people, both children and adults, who need the help of others. People take care of their children not because they expect gratitude from them, but they do it for the sake of their future and the future of future generations. The care that dead children can no longer receive must be directed to others, otherwise it will turn to stone and kill its owner.

And while a person feels sorry for himself and suffers, somewhere, without waiting for help, another child will die. This is the most effective way, which will help to survive the death of an adult son. As soon as orphaned parents start helping those in need, they will feel much better. Yes, it will be difficult at first, but time will smooth out all the corners.

Very often, the death of a child makes parents feel guilty. Prevent tragedy, change history - they think they could do something. But be that as it may, it is not given to a person to predict the future and change the past.

Parents also believe that they no longer have the right to experience happiness after the death of a child. Any positive emotions perceived as a betrayal. People stop smiling, day after day they do already learned manipulations to automatism, and in the evenings they just stare into the void. But it is wrong to doom yourself to eternal suffering. For a child, parents are the whole world. What would your child say if he saw his world crumble in his absence?

Reverence for the deceased

You can express your respect for the deceased in other ways, without dooming yourself to eternal torment. For example, you can visit the grave more often, pray for the repose, make an album happy pictures or put it all together homemade postcards. During periods of longing, you need to remember only happy moments and thank you for having them.

On the second Sunday of December at seven in the evening, you need to put a candle on the windowsill. On this day, parents who have lost children unite in their grief. Each light makes it clear that the children lit up their lives and will forever remain in memory. And it is also a hope that grief is not eternal.

You can turn to religion for help. As practice shows, faith helps many to cope with grief. Orthodoxy says that a parent will be able to see his child after death. This promise is very encouraging for old parents. Buddhism says that souls are reborn, and surely in the next earthly life, mother and son will meet again. hope for new meeting does not allow the mother to break down or die prematurely.

True, there are those who turn away from faith. They do not understand why God took their child, when murderers and maniacs continue to roam the world. Fathers often tell a parable to heartbroken parents.

Parable

Once an old man's daughter died. She was very beautiful and young, the inconsolable parent simply could not find a place for herself. After the funeral, he came every day to Mount Ararat and asked God why he took his daughter, who could live for many more years.

For many months the old man left without an answer, and then one day God appeared before him and asked the old man to make him a staff, then he would answer his question. The old man went to the nearest grove, found a fallen branch and made a staff out of it, but as soon as he leaned on it, it broke. He had to look for stronger material. He saw a young tree, cut it down and made a staff, which turned out to be surprisingly strong.

The old man brought his work to God, he praised the staff and asked why he cut off a young tree that still had to grow and grow. The old man told everything, and then God said: “You yourself answered your questions. In order to lean on the staff and not fall, it is always made from young trees and branches. So in my kingdom I also need young, young and beautiful, who can be a support.

Children are the rays that illuminate our lives. With their arrival, we rethink a lot and learn a lot. But not everyone is destined to live happily ever after, you need to understand this and continue to live, keeping in your heart the joy that this child was once there.