How to learn not to yell at a child. Harnessing your own emotions

Motherhood is not only joyful laughter, hugs and kisses, it is also a colossal work, physical and psychological stress. Children are characterized by screams, tantrums and unwillingness to do what they are asked. Whims for absolutely any reason and disobedience occur daily - all this, together with household chores, sooner or later can unbalance the calmest mother, and she can begin to break loose on the child, sometimes scolding him even for the most insignificant misconduct.

Even the best moms admit that kids sometimes annoy them.

What to do if bouts of anger and irritation happen constantly? After all, this is fraught in the future with misunderstanding on the part of the child, his mistrust and new conflicts. It is important to understand in time what is the cause of negative emotional outbursts, and figure out how not to get annoyed with the child and pull yourself together.

Possible reasons for anger at a child

First of all, you should understand that the desire to scream and even hit your own child is normal for a parent. You can’t call such a reaction good or bad, it’s just human nature. Before trying to find a way not to yell at a child, you should find out the real reason for the anger. The main point is that you need to look for the reason why your own child is annoying, not in the baby, but in the woman herself.

Among the most obvious reasons why a child can be annoying are the following:

• Fatigue. Mothers of newborns and infants are especially susceptible to it. They have to eat when possible, sleep little and not soundly, in order to always be on the alert. Constant physical and emotional stress inevitably leads to breakdowns. The hardest thing is for those young parents who do not have the help of relatives or it is minimal.

Mom definitely needs to rest - for example, leaving the child with a nanny or grandmother

• Limited living space. With the advent of the baby, his interests come to the fore. Mom has to forget about her hobbies, work and habits for a while. At the initial stage, this is natural, but then the constant sitting at home with the baby bothers and begins to depress. However, many mothers deliberately do not allow themselves to leave the baby with a grandmother or other relative and go away for a while to unwind, even if such an opportunity exists. As a result, the mother is annoyed by her own child.
• Own ban on negativity. In those cases when a mother forbids herself to be angry with a baby and restrains emotions, in the end this will lead to a breakdown. In fact, adequate anger in accordance with the misconduct is to some extent useful for the full development of the baby, but a storm in a teacup because of a trifle that has become the last straw can only scare the baby.
• Increased demands and too high expectations from the baby. Parents should be more attentive to the age abilities of children and take into account the possible difficulties that they face on the path of development.
• Subconscious fear of their incompetence in the matter of education. Often a woman has a feeling that she can not cope and she is overcome by impotence associated with the disobedience of the child. Being angry with a baby is often much easier than admitting to yourself that you are wrong.

Often, personal problems become the reason why a mother is enraged by her own child - for example, she quarreled with her husband, quarreled with her parents, she is simply in a bad mood for some other reason. All the accumulated negativity subsequently pours out on loved ones and most often on the child. Sometimes mom can be angry at his dad or even at herself, but she projects all negative emotions onto the baby.

Another reason why a child is annoying in the first six months or a year of life is monotony. The same worries about the baby create the feeling that the day is endless and repeats over and over again. Mom begins to feel like a squirrel in a wheel and breaks down at the slightest cry or disobedience.

Different temperaments also affect the relationship between parents and children. For example, a slow baby will always piss off a too energetic mother, and a too active baby will unnerve a phlegmatic parent.

Why can't you hit a child and yell at him?

This article talks about typical ways to solve your questions, but each case is unique! If you want to know from me how to solve exactly your problem - ask your question. It's fast and free!

Your question:

Your question has been sent to an expert. Remember this page on social networks to follow the answers of the expert in the comments:

It is necessary not only to look for ways not to lash out at the child, but also to understand what the danger lies in if you hit a child or yell at him. Like all people, children have a huge number of their desires, but unlike adults, they have no restrictions. When a child wants something, he does it - for example, he takes a toy from the store counter and leaves with it, jumps through puddles, puts dirty things in his mouth. He still does not know how to analyze and therefore immediately fulfills his desires. If at the same time you shout at him, spank, give a cuff or hit his arm, the baby will receive psychological trauma, which in the future can cause fear and other problems associated with mental and emotional health.

You should accept the fact that all children's desires are normal, they just often do not have the right direction. Toddlers do not yet understand what is good and what is not. The task of parents is to explain this to them, to help transform and direct even the most terrible desires in a positive direction, and not to scream, beat and stop them with irritation and anger.

Every time you need to try to understand the true desires of the child, find the reasons for certain actions, and solve the problem itself, and not punish for its consequences. Punishment will be useless or even more harmful.

How to cope with irritation and not yell at your children?

How not to yell at a child? How not to be angry with a child in principle? Every mother asks herself these questions - both the baby and the teenager. To begin with, psychologists recommend trying to prevent a nervous breakdown, or at least minimize its likelihood. To do this, you must follow the following step-by-step instructions:

1. Rest time. Every day you need to try to allocate even 15-20 minutes, but only for yourself, your interests or your favorite pastime. It is important that at this time the baby was not around and could not draw attention back to himself. If it is possible to attract relatives, then let the baby go for a walk with dad or visit grandma for the time of relaxation.
2. Communication and tactile contact with children. It is joint games, activities, walks that make the child feel needed. Hugs and affection will give him a great mood. He will not have a reason to once again attract attention to himself, anger his relatives and bring the situation to a scandal.
3. Emotion outlet. You don't have to keep everything to yourself. Periodically, you need to share experiences with family and friends, talk with them about fatigue and all negative emotions.
4. Expression of feelings. Children will understand when they explain to them without shouting that their mother is tired, angry or in a terrible mood. For example, it’s enough to say: “Your act upset me!”, “It makes me angry when they take my phone without asking!”, Or “I’m very tired, I need five minutes of silence, and after that I will play with you.” It is important not to try to educate the baby when something is annoying or in moments of fatigue.
5. Regular physical activity. Regular morning exercises can stabilize the nervous system and make it more resistant to stress.
6. Taking vitamins, sedatives and tonics. They provide the required supply of trace elements and are quite effective when the mother loses her nerve.

Instead of showing aggression, you need to clearly and clearly explain to the child what exactly angers or annoys the mother.

Ways to relieve irritation

There are a number of simple tricks that help in cases where children are naughty, indulge, and the parent begins to become irritated and need to stop so as not to yell at their little crumbs. At times like these, it can help:

• Change of physical position. For example, get up with the baby, if you played while sitting, move to another place.
• Careful observation of the child. It is enough to focus on the facial expressions of the crumbs, on how he speaks, looks, moves.
• Snack. Eating an apple or candy during an argument helps to calm down or distract.
• Exit the room where the one who infuriates is located for a couple of minutes.
• Exercise stress. A great way to blow off steam is to squat, run, or jump rope. Moreover, it is good for health. Cleaning also helps. Sometimes it is enough to wash or sweep the floors, iron the clothes, and so on.
• Shower. Effectively washes away the negative, not only figuratively, but also literally, as it removes adrenaline from the skin, released with sweat, preventing it from being absorbed back.
• Useful release of negative emotions. You can tear old sheets into rags, tidy up closets by throwing away the accumulated trash, or knock dust out of pillows.
• Scold out loud. You need to swear loudly, without restraint, with obscene language. Of course, this should be done in private. You need to express everything that boiled up, all grievances against specific people.
• Scream. Go away and shout as loudly as possible, thereby venting anger.

All of the above techniques on how not to yell at a child are quite effective. You can use one or several at once, which are relevant and available in each individual situation.

Sports activities or even ordinary cleaning help to use up excess energy.

Below are tips not only on how to stop yelling at a child, but also on how to basically raise a mentally healthy baby and love him for who he is. Psychologists and the famous pediatrician Dr. Komarovsky recommend:

1. Do not forget to tell the baby that he is loved. Words of love give children peace and a sense of security.
2. Apologize. After each quarrel and breakdown in the baby, even with his initial fault, it is necessary to explain in a calm state your reaction to his behavior or misconduct. Sincere apologies help strengthen parental authority.
3. Accept the fact that getting annoyed and angry at your own children is a natural reaction. You need to stop saying that you are a bad mother, blaming and reproaching yourself for wanting to scream or even hit the baby at some moments. It is important to understand the reasons for your condition and learn how not to yell at your child.
4. Communicate more with children and read books together. Children are small only once, but there will always be problems, work and daily fuss.
5. Be a good example. It is important to remember that kids learn everything from their parents - their behavior, emotional mood, attitude towards others.

How not to yell at a child

September 1, 2018 - One comment

Scream cripples the psyche of the child. Remorse and excuses that other mothers also yell will not save him from the consequences of screaming when he grows up. The article will tell you how not to yell at a childwhen he does not obey, and remain calm in any situation.

Is it possible to yell at a child when he does everything out of spite

Definitely - no. Because the cry it's a danger signal. It means one thing: trouble has come, take your feet!

In children up to adolescence, only one main protector is the mother. When she is around, the child can overcome any of his fears. But if she screams because the baby does not obey, he is covered with horror. In this state, he will do or say anything, if only his mother would be silent. There is an illusion in this that the child obeys only when he is yelled at.

Remember: when parents yell at a child, he is very scared.

Pity for the baby is your first helper understanding why you shouldn't yell at a child.

How to learn not to yell at a child and find an approach to him

On the topic of how not to yell at a child, the advice of a psychologist on the network is different, for example: run away to another room, yell there or break furniture. It does not help - the child will run after him and be even more frightened. Yes, furniture is expensive.

Your second assistant is observation.

They asked to calmly remove the toys - they received an ignore in response. No need to repeat the same thing ten times - there will still be no order, but you will be on the verge of hysteria. Children respond to requests in different ways.

Nimble the child understands the language of logic: “If you don’t put away your toys, you will have to deprive you of sweets or a tablet” . Or: "Quickly put away the toys - let's go for a walk, I'll give you a treat." Positive works more effectively than an ultimatum.

FROM stubborn and slow a child in a different way: he must be affectionately asked to put away toys and not rush him. Help with this, if possible. And then praise (you can do this with the voices of toys, encouraging the child).

Impressionable the child will feel sorry for his toys, which grieve scattered, and the room is upset because of the disorder. Don't forget to admire at the end.

Quiet and always immersed in his thoughts, the baby often does not even hear such requests until you say it in a whisper. Or wait until he himself emerges from his thoughts. His ingenious toy collection scheme will amaze you.

Each child needs his own approach, it is enough to know the qualities of a child's character. They are revealed already in the free introductory classes of the training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan. And it will be easier for you to reach an agreement.

Constantly yelling at a child: how to stop

This is already a red threat level. your mind and your life.

Third assistant - analyze yourself.

A happy woman and mother does not yell at children. She knows how to listen to herself and negotiate with children. Even when there are many. Constant screaming is a signal that you feel bad. Relations with my husband have become tense - we scream at the children. Tired of the decree - we also scream. Exhausting work - again a cry to the child.

Think about what you do not like in the current period of life? And we need to solve this problem. There are almost hopeless situations - the husband does not want to help, the grandmothers are far away, the nanny is not affordable. And you need a little privacy. It is difficult, but sometimes you can ask your friends to sit at least a couple of hours with the child. Or come somewhere where there are playgrounds or rooms with nannies.

In any case, you need to find time alone with yourself: just be in silence, drink tea and, like a phoenix bird reborn from the ashes, again plunge into children's worries.

You can also agree with your husband. Simply making claims and complaining is not an option. This can lead to divorce. Conflicts can be avoided when you understand the husband's vectors and their condition. Husband with skin the vector makes concessions easier, but may ask for something in return.

Husband with anal vector stubborn, but potentially the best dad in the world. The main thing is not to rush him with such decisions. And praise for any success - both dad and child will be happy. Important: be able to convey information without anguish and tantrums.

A woman who knows how to understand herself and her loved ones will no longer think how to stop yelling at a child. She will think about how to raise him happy.

How to stay calm in any situation

You can love perfect order and oatmeal, and your child can run on the ceiling and eat an omelet. The desires that guide you and your baby through life can be diametrically opposed. But this does not prevent them from loving each other and remaining calm in any situation - even if the child almost burned down the house.

Proof of this is the reviews of mothers who have stopped yelling at their children and have learned to negotiate in any circumstances.

“... I have always been interested in psychology, I have always considered myself an expert on human souls and, to be honest, I rarely made mistakes in people. But at the same time, she saw her complete impotence in front of a three-year-old monster, who brought me to white heat in 5 minutes and laughed when I spanked her ...

I HAVE IT. Loving my daughter, I couldn't help myself. My brain was covered with a veil. After I sobbed, hugged her, asked for forgiveness, feeling the deepest sense of guilt. But everything repeated ... "

“... My son is in the first grade. He knows little and understands even less. And so doing homework turns into torture. For him. And for mom. And he does his best not to do his homework or do it sooooo slow. What can be done in 15 minutes stretches into hours. And at one point, my mother runs out of patience. And she starts screaming. Yell furiously. And in an instant, the air heats up with anger, the son cries in fright, the mother, yelling, suffers from guilt. And so almost every evening.

When my friends told me that they yell at children while doing homework, I didn't believe it. Quite adequate girls for themselves, but come on ... Naturally, I considered myself smarter than them and thought that I would never yell at a child. How can you? He is small, he does not understand anything, he needs to be taught. How wrong I was ... I think this picture is familiar to many mothers.

And now, after just a few lectures on SVP. Evening. Mom and son are doing homework. But something subtly has changed. We also do what can be done in 15 minutes, for hours. The child also spins in a chair, like a top. He also flies in one ear, flies out the other)). His mouth doesn't close. We need to talk about everything. And you sit next to me and catch yourself thinking that just a few weeks ago we would both have suffered. The son - from fear, from the fact that his mother does not love him, and his mother - from guilt for her cry, for her anger.

Just a few lectures, and everything has changed dramatically. I became calm and patient. I stopped yelling at my son completely. I don't scream and I don't want to. I wanted changes in my life, changes in my relationship with my son, especially with my son - this is what I got from the SVP training. And I got much more than I wanted ... "

Even very loving, patient and understanding parents in some situations are simply not able to contain their emotions, and often go to scream. Thus, many fathers and mothers express their indignation or try to explain to the child something very important for them, but completely uninteresting for him.

It is naive to believe that the more adults strain their vocal cords, the faster the baby will understand what exactly they want from him.

On the contrary, which we have already talked about, categorically Parents are not allowed to raise their voice to the child. However, when emotions overwhelm the heart and cause a wave of aggression, it can be extremely difficult to restrain oneself.

Today, the site for moms site will teach you how not to yell at a child, even if for pedagogical purposes he really deserves a good thrashing.

What could be the result of raising your voice?

It has been proven that a baby a few weeks old already knows how to distinguish between the intonations of the people around him, what emotions they experience. And raising his voice sooner or later begins to be associated with anger.

If, in the process of a child’s development, slaps on the pope or cuffs are added to the screams, then a conditioned reflex is formed in him, according to which, hearing the cry of his parents, the baby intuitively expects trouble.

Simply put, raising the voice causes fear in the child, he may fall into a stupor, cry loudly, or try to slip away from the screaming household, who in such a simple way are trying to convey to his consciousness the reasonable, kind and eternal.

Thus, with a cry it is extremely rare to achieve the intended goal.

Over time, such a situation can develop an inferiority complex in a child, and in adolescence cause retaliatory aggression, accompanied by a rather strong manifestation of emotions. Now you can be congratulated, as the regiment of neurasthenics has arrived.

To avoid such a development of events, you should learn some rules that will teach you how not to yell at a child, even if you really want to do it.

Do not worry that you will have to accumulate negativity in yourself. Just emotions will be directed in a different direction, and you will be able to “let off steam” without straining your vocal cords.

Your relationship with the baby literally from the first days of his life should be built according to the principle of "three floors".

Therefore, if you want to understand how not to yell at a child, you first need to find out what he wants. The "second floor" is based on the fact that you need to clearly tell what exactly in a particular situation you want. Well, the “third floor” is intelligible and understandable for the child an explanation as to why he should do so as you say, and not otherwise.

Of course, such a scheme will not protect you if you are looking for an answer to the question of how not to yell at a child, but it will help you find the key to understanding each other.

Well, the next step is to learn to control your emotions. In this case, the site advises, by experimenting, trial and error, to find exactly your own version of communication with the baby, which will allow you to restrain negative emotions and at the same time not scare the baby.

For example, if your child is being too noisy or aggressive, you can whisper to him. In order to hear and answer you, he will first need to calm down. Well, after the end of the conversation, it is very likely that the baby will simply forget why he was capricious and what exactly he demanded.

There are quite a lot of options for choosing a line of behavior that helps not to break into a hysterical cry when communicating with children. Someone begins to sing or rolls his eyes, thus demonstrating his displeasure. Plus, this behavior is a great opportunity to take a time out and extinguish the irritation that has flared up inside.

Other moms are just leave the room splashing out their emotions until the child sees it.

Finding the most acceptable way out and situations and deciding how not to yell at a child in an emergency is within the power of any parent. The main thing is to really realize that raising your voice destroys trust and love, that you feel for each other, and can lead to unpredictable consequences.

What your baby should know

Before you learn not to yell at a child, you need to explain to him that you still have the right express your emotions openly be dissatisfied, tired, upset, or agitated. This is a normal manifestation of feelings, and your baby should perceive changes in the mood of people close to him without fear.

Even if emotions overwhelm you and you are ready to bring them down on your own child, first of all you should choose the right words so that the child immediately understands exactly what is expected of him.

In addition, if you do not know how not to yell at a child, make it a rule to at least not use raising your voice to motivate the baby to perform certain actions. Some time will pass, and the child will understand that there are many ways not to piss you off, one of which is deliberate lying. It is easy to imagine what will grow out of such a child.

It is much more difficult to realize that it was you who pushed him to such a pattern of behavior.

Children is happiness and flowers of life. We think so only until the time when they start to take us out with whims and whining. And then you think: how not to shout at the child, when the nerves are already giving out, you want to tear or throw? The kid behaves badly - he scatters porridge in different directions, demonstratively throws toys, runs away when you want to dress him and constantly takes your things without asking. At this moment, you feel that everything is boiling inside and are ready to burst into a scream of anger and impotence. After a burst of emotion, you clutch your head, feel guilty and try to figure out how to stop yelling at your children at such moments.

In fact, you can also understand - raising a child is hard work. And if there are several kids, then even more so. But you shouldn't blame yourself for screaming. Try to understand yourself and ask a few questions. Why am I screaming and not talking calmly? What do I want to achieve with this? Is there any use in my screaming? How to get your child out of other methods? And we will try to figure it out for you.

Shouting at a child - is it worth it?

Every mother at least once in her life broke into a scream because of her prankster child. You probably noticed that the benefits of this display of emotions are zero. If you yell at a child, he can either play pranks with even more frenzy, or arrange a grandiose tantrum. In some cases, children even laugh when adults shout at them. Crying is a manifestation of your weakness. It means that inside you yourself have not yet fully matured.

How does a child feel when they are yelled at?

bewilderment. “I threw the toy because it flies beautifully. Why is mom angry, because it's interesting.

Fear. “Oh, what if I get slapped on the pope?”

Alienation. "Mom used to be so kind, and now she's mean." Hence the psychological trauma of "they don't love me anymore."

Lack of emotion. “Mom screams all the time. Why react to it?

It is extremely important for you to stop yelling at your little children. Now such instructions in raised tones, perhaps, seem necessary to you. But let's dig deeper and imagine the situation in the future. You will habitually yell at a teenager. But he will already become morally stronger and less receptive. From this follow unpleasant consequences.

1. He will start yelling back and he will be right.

1. He can go from screaming to assault (adult children beat weak parents precisely from a deep resentment inflicted by those in childhood).

1. If you yell at a child, he will begin to accumulate anger and resentment. Your relationship will become cold. The child will understand that it is impossible to expect support from anyone in the house and will begin to look for it from friends in dubious companies. This leads to the development of alcoholism and drug addiction, as well as other addictions.

1. In the future, the child will behave this way already with his children, because in childhood he had no other example.

You need it? If not, then we pull ourselves together, deal with the reasons for our incontinence and radically change the strategy.

Reasons for our shouting at children

Many elderly people lament that their children have grown up inattentive, selfish or aggressive. And they themselves are to blame for this, because if you shout at a child, the worst qualities will develop in him. There are many reasons for screaming.

Are you too lazy to take care of your child?. It is understandable - you came home from work and want to relax. In the kindergarten, the child misses you, pulls you by the hand to the designer and asks to play together. You said "no" once, and then repeated several more times. But the baby does not stop. The more you resist, the louder his demands. And then your nerves can not stand it - you go on a scream. Although the baby just got bored and waited all day for mom's love.

You feel superior. The child is younger than you, and you are the parent who teaches, commands and instructs. If you were shouted at as a child, then subconsciously you will be glad to take the place of your parents and begin to command yourself. In addition, there are stresses at work, in social life. Where to throw out the negative? You can’t shout at your friends, you can’t throw out your anger in transport, and then the child scattered things. And you are happy to try to dump the accumulated emotions on him. But your own baby is not to blame for anything, and such a lump of negative energy will certainly not benefit him.

You expect a lot from a child. You are ready to write at least 200 paragraphs, which will list all the decent qualities of a little man. But your child is a real person, not an ephemeral ideal. He (like you) has his flaws. Therefore, we must stop yelling at our children and accept them as they are. Try to give them the kind of childhood that you yourself dreamed of. How would you like your parents to treat you as a child?

Are you in a hurry. You have so many things to do that the child grows by itself. Taken to the garden - taken away. He plays, you continue to work at home. You have driven yourself so much that the baby sees instead of a kind mother an eternally busy and annoyed aunt. How not to yell at a child if you live in constant tension? Take care of your time management and set aside at least an hour and a half for your child per day in your schedule.

You don't try to understand. And then you are surprised that the baby does not understand the requirements. You need to speak with the child in his language, but you prefer to brush it aside and not go into unnecessary explanations. Therefore, the baby does not understand your cry, looks for the reason in himself, begins to close himself from the outside world and be afraid of it.

Are you looking to prove something?. What is an ideal parent in your understanding? If you often yell at a child, then you think that this is how children should be raised. You feel strict and important and think you are doing the right thing. But it is better to stop yelling at your children, and start increasing your self-esteem.

You keep it like the apple of your eye. The reason for your cry may be the desire to protect him from imaginary danger. "Don't climb on the table", "don't play with the fork", "take your hands off the garland", "don't touch that cat". You are so afraid that your baby will hit, get dirty, prick that you start screaming at the child, thereby splashing out your fear. But remember that it will not work to protect the baby from everything in the world and your fears should not become the cause of his future complexes.

You pity yourself. You are not allowed to rest, they do not obey you, everyone has children like children. These negative attitudes are nothing but self-pity and whining. You definitely need to develop step-by-step instructions for turning yourself into a strong and wise person. After all, if you have to scream, it means that somewhere you yourself made a mistake.

We eradicate loudness by weeks

In order to stop yelling at your children once and for all, you need to understand the motives for your behavior and decide to act differently from now on. Below are 10 points. Surely you will read them and forget, continuing to act out of habit, breaking into a cry.

To stop yelling at your child again, choose one item (week), print it out and make it a habit. Mark each day when you do it. If one day you forgot about it and behaved destructively again, start again. One point is given 1 week of daily practice. In 10 weeks, you will become an excellent teacher!

1. week for a child. This week you need to devote at least 1.5 hours a day to the baby. This includes games, reading books, mindful walking (for example, telling your baby about nature, touching leaves and talking about birds). You can also add cooking together by connecting dad, and watching cartoons along with your comments. Let the baby feel the whole spectrum of parental love.

1. Week of Buddhist Tranquility. Decide for yourself that all week, no matter what happens, even if all the flower pots collapse, you will not yell at the child. Come, strictly explain, you can punish with cartoons, but do not shout.

1. A week without stress. Every day for a week (preferably before bed), let's release the accumulated stress. Draw zenart, meditate, walk, listen to relaxing music with headphones, knit something. If it's really bad, cry. Let's release all the accumulated emotions of the day. If there are problems at work, speak out to a friend or find like-minded people on the forums. But the main thing - do not accumulate in yourself. You will not want to yell at the child when only positive emotions remain inside.

1. A week of kindness. Kiss and hug your baby as much as possible. As the child psychologist Kucherenko said, at least 8 hugs a day. Let your child experience maximum tactile contact all week. This will improve your relationship with him, make him more obedient and restore trust if you used to scream a lot.

1. Week of Understanding. Live this week, noticing the feelings of the baby. As often as possible, note for yourself - what he felt when he lost the toy or you answered him rudely. Try every day to look at everything through his eyes.

1. Focus switch week. If this week your child is something to piss you off, try to switch. Yelling at a child is not the best thing you can do. When you feel yourself boiling inside like a kettle, look out the window and give yourself a chance to calm down. In the same way, you can practice at work.

1. A week of self care. How can you take care of a child if you forget about yourself? Do everything in your power to feel happy and joyful. This week, it is allowed to leave the child to their parents and go to a restaurant with her husband, turn on the game on the tablet for the baby, and take a bath with a fragrant bomb herself. So you will accumulate strength and be able to give more love to the baby. This week you can’t think about problems, worry, read the news and watch dramas, crimes or action movies.

1. Week of excuses. Whatever your baby does, this week you need to try to justify it. Broke a vase? Young children still have unbalanced coordination. Don't want to go to sleep? So, not tired during the day. Doesn't want to eat? The body better understands its needs. Doesn't collect toys? He needs help. Rude to parents? Feels insecure and so on.

1. Good Behavior Week for Parents. See where you are setting a bad example for your child? Maybe you are arguing with your husband, criticizing someone in front of the baby, or constantly whining about the lack of money. You need to take care of yourself in order to pull yourself together in time and not yell at the child.

1. Week of Forgiveness. These days you need to forgive yourself and your child. Even if you break into a cry (the habit of being calm is not developed immediately) - do not scold yourself, but simply take note and try not to repeat the mistake again. The same goes for your baby - forgive him, do not scold him for more than 10 minutes and try to explain the consequences of his behavior by speaking openly about your feelings (“I feel bad when you ...”).

Do you know that for you - yelling at a child is a common thing? However, as you can see, this is a very destructive habit. You need to be able to turn off your emotions at the moment of "X" or redirect them. What to do with the negative energy that is seething in you and is about to pour out? To stop yelling at your kids right after the misbehavior, move to another room and start doing vigorous exercise like sit-ups. You can also beat the pillow, go wash yourself with ice water, half-dip your hands on the bed. When emotions come out on an inanimate object, you can take a sober look at the child's behavior.

Is there any use in screaming?

If you constantly yell at a child, he will behave worse and worse. And so on the rise. It is especially useless to yell at babies. It's like yelling at a cat, a yard dog, or a parrot that spilled grain from a feeder.

1. The baby will not understand why you are screaming and will be very frightened. Under no circumstances should this be allowed. In addition, you will become an example to him and he will begin to imitate you, bursting into a cry even more. Remember that shouting will never help a cause.

1. A useless cry acts in such a way that the child's emotions are turned off. Screaming with or without reason, reproaching - these are the most common and grossest mistakes of parents in raising children. For children, the cry becomes the background and he ceases to perceive it. Emotions are turned off, as the protection of the psyche is turned on.

1. Moreover, you need to stop yelling at your children because of the potty. Training will not be effective if you are nervous and impatiently waiting for the crumbs to wean from diapers. Let him develop freely. Don't worry, he won't be in a diaper until he's 5 years old.

Several ways to make your baby happy

The best way to acquire good behavior is not to yell at the child, but to make him as happy as possible. This is not only humane and interesting, but also fruitful for the relationship between parents and children.

1. Set yourself a ban on screaming. Make a promise to yourself that you will never allow yourself to yell at your child again.

1. Make the life of the crumbs interesting and varied - take them to the cinema, theaters, give him positive emotions.

1. Feel like a real woman who will not stoop to being rude and stop yelling at her children.

1. Talk more with the baby - ask about the past day, the cartoon you watched.

1. Sometimes you yourself become a little girl and let your son or daughter take care of you - feed or "treat". So the child will understand that the mother is not terrible and formidable, but kind and good.

1. Show your love for your husband in front of children - hug him and kiss him. Let the baby learn to show love from childhood.

1. Hang on the wall step-by-step instructions for raising a baby and do not forget about it.

Sleep calmly

In order for the baby to be cheerful and satisfied during the day, he must be full, healthy and well-rested. You should have at hand a step-by-step instruction that will help the baby fall asleep soundly. Enter the obligatory rituals there so as not to forget - a light dinner, a bath with ducks, a song or a fairy tale, a kiss goodnight, soft fragrant pajamas. Let the preparation for sleep be a magical and interesting sacrament.

You can’t yell at a child before going to bed, allow you to watch cartoons or play aggressive games (war games, for example). Try also not to feed the baby abundantly at night and put him to bed a little earlier than the due time. Consider the mistakes parents have already made in raising children. To do this, chat on the forums, read different stories to know more about parenting.

How to stop yelling at a child (video):

At the moment when you experience a storm of feelings, it is difficult to maintain balance. You try to restrain yourself, find a way not to yell at the child and explain everything calmly. But sometimes no dam of patience can withstand the behavior of one's own child.

- How I hate you, you ruined my whole life! - screams, leaning out from under the covers, a young girl. - There is no work, no boyfriend, no one needs me, why did you give birth to me at all, I asked you? the fragile creature sobs heart-rendingly.

- Ungrateful, how dare you say that, I gave birth to you in spite of the doctors, I risked my life! - does not stand up and starts yelling at the child's mother. Her broken falsetto, which even the neighbors have become accustomed to over the years of scandals, rings again throughout the house ...

last hope

At a session with a psychologist, it is simply painful to look at my mother.

- Tell me why my daughter does not hear me, accuses me of all mortal sins? I understand that you can’t yell at a child, but sometimes I just can’t cope with emotions and stop yelling at her. And the situation comes to a standstill. Recently, my daughter has completely fenced off, wearing headphones all day. She says she has nothing to live for. Am I to blame for everything? Give advice: what to do?

The situation is resolved. It is clear that no parent knowingly wants to harm their child. But first, let's figure it out: why can't you yell at a child? Parents know that screaming is bad, but few people understand what exactly it carries. Awareness of specific consequences with the help of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology is the first step to understanding how to stop yelling at a child. Then we'll talk about what to do when you still can't help but scream.

Mom's cry

From birth until the end of puberty, the child is connected with the mother by the “psychological umbilical cord”. For him, his mother is the only source from which he draws a sense of security and safety. This basic feeling is necessary for any baby in order to fully develop.

Negative states of the mother, her loss of psychological balance have a severe negative impact on the child. This happens even if the mother is restrained and does not express bad emotions in any way outwardly. From the bad conditions of the mother, the baby loses a sense of security and safety and receives great damage to its development.

What happens when a mother yells at a child? The kid takes double damage. However, the consequences in each case are different and they depend on what psychological characteristics are given to the child from birth. Modern children have a complex psyche, which often carries different properties. In this article, we will look at a few examples.

Life script for failure

For example, if a child naturally strives for leadership and success, then during a scandal he experiences tremendous stress not only from the very fact of screaming, but also from humiliation. “You won’t be of any use! Grow up as a janitor! - the mother constantly shouts at the child, trying to appease the nimble fidget. Meanwhile, the child's psyche is not yet formed, and the child begins to believe that he "is not capable of anything." For a baby with the properties of a skin vector, such words become an “anchor” that remains in unconscious settings for a long time.

As an adult, a person sincerely strives for success and makes great efforts to achieve it. And unconscious attitudes are constantly pushing for failure. In men, this is primarily expressed in the inability to build a career, to be realized in work. For girls, this childhood trauma can manifest itself as an inability to build happy couple relationships.

Is it right to yell at a child if it threatens to distort his whole life? In the story that we described at the beginning, the mother does not wish evil on her daughter at all. She simply does not know that the girl's inability to take place in a pair relationship is really "comes from childhood." Any parent who is aware of the real consequences already learns to control himself more easily, because he consciously understands what consequences his intemperance can lead to.

Resentment against mom and life in general

Shouts and scolding are received not only by skin shustrik. Sometimes his complete opposite gets “under distribution” - an obedient, assiduous and thorough child with an anal vector. Always loyal to his mother, he strives to be the best son or daughter. It would seem, how can you shout at a child with such a character, why scold him?

Unfortunately, without psychological literacy, we see the child "through ourselves." It seems to a mobile and fast skin mother that the child is too slow - “thinking hard”. Out of the best of intentions, she tries to push him, but nothing comes of it - “What kind of brake are you with me, do you put on one shoe for five minutes?” When a mother yells at a child with such properties and hurries him, he falls into a stupor.

Instead of deserved praise for his thoroughness in everything, the child receives a huge stress from the hasty cry and jerking. Resentment against the mother accumulates, which is often later projected onto other people and life in general. Instead of a talented analyst or teacher, a stubborn critic is growing, prone to aggression, offended by everyone and everything.

Obviously, the daughter of our heroine also has the properties of the anal vector. Barely starting her own life, the girl is already filled with resentment and hostility towards her mother. This can become an insurmountable obstacle on her path to happiness and fulfillment.
Being the cause of constant resentment towards life and people, the impossibility of being realized - is this what the parents wanted?

Tantrums, fears, panic attacks

When, unable to restrain her emotions, a mother yells at a child with a visual vector, he, like any other, loses a sense of security and safety. But a small spectator has a huge emotional amplitude by nature, at the root of which is an innate fear of death.

Under the influence of a cry, such a baby feels a strong fear, which is fixed for a long time. A huge sensory range remains closed within the experiences of fear. This leads to tantrums, emotional swings and even panic attacks.

The "hysterical" way of responding to problems is already clearly visible in the daughter of our heroine. In the future, instead of building deep sensual connections with people, she may gravitate towards demanding attention and sympathy for herself through hysteria. Naturally, this way of living among people does not lead to a happy life.

Sometimes the object of fear is the mother. A child can be afraid of her for many years: at the slightest increase in tone, there is panic and tears in his eyes. Shouting at a child with a visual vector is to form an unsuccessful scenario for his whole life, to slow down his sensual realization and the ability to build favorable relationships with people.

Depression, suicide, mental disorders

The most severe consequences from screaming are received by those babies for whom the ear is the most susceptible area. When a mother screams at a child with a sound vector, for his sensitive hearing, the scream is unbearable suffering. Already at an early age, the baby unconsciously fences off from loud sounds as a source of suffering and ceases to perceive the world outside, losing the ability to learn and interact with other people. In especially severe cases, autism is formed.

There may also be voices in the head, prerequisites for schizophrenia. And sometimes the conscious connection with the world remains, but the sensual connection is lost. Such a person is capable of mass murder - for example, like Anders Breivik or Dmitry Vinogradov. These are very terrible consequences of improper upbringing of a child with a sound vector.

This is a real tragedy not only for one family, but for humanity as a whole. After all, from birth, the owners of the sound vector have an excellent ear for music, a talent for abstract intelligence, and a philosophical mindset. Potentially, these are outstanding scientists, brilliant musicians and composers, great artists and poets. How bitter it is when such talents cannot be developed and realized!

The daughter of our heroine is also endowed with a sound vector. When her mother's scream causes unbearable suffering, the girl hides from him in her headphones. Whether this will lead to the development of mental disorders depends on the mother's further actions. The fate of the child is put in jeopardy until the mother is able to cope with her negative states.

What to do, how to learn not to yell at a child?

How not to yell at your child: keys to calmness

Everything can be solved - thanks to the exact knowledge of system-vector psychology, which with a 100% guarantee helps to accurately determine the psyche of each child, and at the same time the way of interacting with him according to his natural characteristics. This already makes it possible to resolve all emerging issues of education without conflicts.

But there is another factor. It is clear that not a single person screams at a child from happiness. The reason for our cries is our own negative states, which sometimes we are unable to cope with willpower. Where do they come from?

Reasons for our suffering

We suffer and feel miserable when we cannot realize the innermost desires of our heart. When this happens systematically, we unwittingly release the accumulated stress on others.

Desires, as well as ways of responding to others, are different in each vector. The ambitious owner of the skin vector suffers from the inability to achieve his goal. He is unbalanced by low income or failure in business projects. With constant stress, such a person becomes irritable and scandalous, angry. He can relieve his tension in constant quarrels with loved ones.

Owners of the anal vector comprehend life in the family and children, value honor and respect in society. When these areas of life do not go well, severe resentment arises, a tendency to verbal and even physical aggression. Owners of the anal vector are very patient by nature. Therefore, they accumulate their tension for a long time and try not to transfer it to the child (after all, he is the most precious thing for such a person). However, when the "dam of patience breaks through", it is the owner of the anal vector that inflicts the heaviest blow to the child, physically or verbally.

Sensual spectators comprehend life in love. The loss of significant emotional ties, the inability to take place in a love relationship, give such people the ground for serious stress. Their negative states are expressed in tantrums, emotional swings, phobias and panic attacks. And instead of a deeply sensual and loving mother, the child receives a flurry of negative emotions in his address.

What to do? After all, our fears, resentment, depression - this is what can destroy not only our lives, but also the lives of our children!

We get rid of the causes - the consequences go away

No one succeeds in holding back and controlling himself all his life. When a person is chronically unhappy, those around him are also unhappy.

However, it is possible to completely get rid of bad states. Training System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan allows you to analyze in detail and realize the reasons why we are not able to realize our natural desires and aspirations. As a result, the owners of all vectors have the ability to receive from life exactly what is valuable to them. To take place, realize your aspirations and be happy.

And happy people have no inner desire to even start yelling at a child. Here is what people who have already received their result say about it:

It is never too late to learn to understand yourself and your child the way nature created us in order to come to a complete understanding and a happy life. To start now, register for a free online training Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.

The article was written using the materials of Yuri Burlan's online training "System-Vector Psychology"

often read