The mother of triplets showed what her stomach turned into after giving birth. "Triplets are a cross on normal life"
In the last days of the outgoing autumn, I decided to become depressed. Well, like every real girl. After all, everyone remembers this November demotivator?
Suddenly, an insight came: no one needs me, no one loves me, no one understands - well, not at all. I don’t want the Maldives, or the spa, or the restaurant, I just want to cry. Preferably in a reliable male shoulder.
Indeed, lately I have been very sensitive to criticism and comments with advice on the subject of raising my children. The older my triplets get, the harder the demand on me as a member of society.
Alas, I was never able to correspond to this society: for 9 years in my life a man did not appear who would love me so much that he would agree to love and raise three other people's children, I was never divided into several hypostases in order to keep up and here, and there, and a little more here, I have not lessened my worries. A priori, they cannot become smaller, they simply go to a new level.
However, you paint your lips, you put beads on your dress, you play smart on Facebook - be kind, don’t pretend that something is wrong with you!
On the one hand, they drip on my brain on the topic “It’s my own fault that I’m alone. Normal aunts get married with five children!” Next comes the biography of the aunt's heavenly life with sentimental details in the form of a hectare of a garden, a household, the absence of a cafe with friends in the evenings and the periodic pulling of her husband either from a binge or from other people's beds.
Because this aunt sank, she stopped looking after herself, she began to saw her husband, in short, she lost such a chance!
On the other hand, they like to tell me that my life is now completely calm. Rejoice, woman!
After all, you don’t have to change diapers, get up at night to feed every three hours, you don’t have to watch so that you don’t stick your fingers into the socket or drink Domestos! Three at once! All difficulties are over!
Hmm… in my opinion, the difficulties never end with girls…
It is difficult to understand why a girl who has grown out of her favorite fluffy dress is crying .... Or why is she crying over some boy, because she is still small, what kind of boys can we talk about at all?
The most difficult thing, as it turned out, is to pay enough attention to your children.
Listen. Speak. Do something together, support and help them in new endeavors. Just hug. 20 minutes ... until the kettle boils there or the cutlets burn.
Girls need attention 24/7. This is an axiom.
And I also have the impression that we only do our homework. Many, many, I never dreamed that there were so many of them. And, yes, children are not able to go through the material themselves, because the textbooks are bad. I have to either remember what I learned in high school (just a minute!) And explain in my own words, or ask Google.
I never liked school - it took my time. Now I don't love her even more - she takes my life away from me.
And those around me tell me that all normal people hire a tutor and don't worry.
Well, all that remains for me is to just silently swallow the insult ...
You know what I've learned in all this time? People don't see the difference between grown triplets and just three children of different ages. Apparently, in infancy, triplets evoke associations with eternally screaming, whether from hunger, or from colic, or from teeth, little unfortunate little bugs that simultaneously knock around diapers and who need to insert three breasts at the same time to saturate and hoot their mother. How can you not sympathize with her, poor thing?
The grown-up triplets do not need diapers and breasts, which equates them to ordinary children.
But they are different! They are really different!
What used to cause tenderness has now turned into a very annoying hindrance ...
Previously, the girls did not play with anyone in the kindergarten and were quite content with each other's company. How nice it was - they themselves are a team! Their number is just perfect for the game! Busy with each other - what could be nicer for mom?
However, the employment of each other continues to this day, if one does not want to eat, no one will eat. If one was offended and left the game, the second will chastise the third to the bitter end.
When the girls are busy with something, a specific energy field is formed around them, which does not allow them to be distracted. Even at the request of the mother.
Even though my triplets are different, they are one organism.
Here, for example, stand up straight and start twisting your left foot counterclockwise, at the same time - with your right hand clockwise, and at the same time beat the rhythm of the waltz with your head ... Well, how? Was it easy? Long stay?
Of course, with proper training - it will definitely work! But even you don't give yourself any deadlines, do you? Maybe it will take a day, maybe a year ...
And they offer me to teach my triplets life simply. Just stop rushing around with them, like with a written bag - they will soon be 9 years old! Stop patronizing them. adults already.
And nothing that the leg, and the arm, and the head can only move at the command of the brain. There is no brain - the mother is at work. And you can't have a nanny either. 9 years old!!! Adults!!!
All these 9 years I have been interested in one question: why have millions of books been written on the development and upbringing of ONE child? And on the development and upbringing of triplets - not a single one?
Sometimes I look at the classmates of my girls, and I wonder ... They are independent ... They even talk like adults ...
And my triplets seem to be smarter, more erudite, and smarter, but so helpless and defenseless ...
Well, how can I leave them to their fate?
After all, they have no one but me.
After all, the difficulties do not lie only in diapers and sleepless nights.
The hardest part is the test of love...
The theater again sent a letter, now to Mayor Sobyanin: they say that the situation is extraordinary, the triplets, in fact, have nowhere to live, and their mother has been working in the theater for almost ten years. I went around all the people's artists on a new one, not a single one refused to sign. Not hoping that the issue would be resolved, she made her way to an appointment with the Moscow City Duma deputy Yevgeny Gerasimov, he also sent his request to the mayor's office. And there was a pause again.
They called only after a year and a half: come to the department of housing policy to sign an agreement on the purchase of an apartment. She flew like on wings. I open the door to the right office and hear - Pugacheva sings on the radio: “You know, it will still be ...” Yes, yes, it will! How happy I am!
The lady with glasses held out the contract, I began to read it. So, my two-room apartment is inexpensive by Moscow standards, like a one-bedroom apartment in a residential area. I got to the next line, and it darkened before my eyes: the amount must be fully repaid within forty days. And in the letter, we asked for an installment plan for ten years with a down payment of thirty percent!
Having signed the contract, I went out into the street, it was drizzling. Just an hour ago, I was floating above the ground, and now dreams are leaving like water to sand.
For several days she fell into despair: well, how can a mother of many children collect such an amount in forty days? But then she sat down, opened her notebook and wrote: “The plan of the special operation “The apartment on Skhodnenskaya” is mine.”
And she began to enter the numbers of acquaintances from the phone book, from whom you can ask for a loan.
I posted statuses on Facebook and VKontakte. Mom joined in: we hoped to sell my grandmother's apartment in Novosibirsk, which would cover part of the costs. But how long will it take to sell? And the money is urgently needed. Work was in full swing, the house turned into a call center. I called all my friends and colleagues who are actively filming, which means they earn money. Many responded and supported me. The main "contributors" to my special operation were the directorate of the Mayakovsky Theater, my mother, and a man sent to me by the name of Svyatoslav Gennadievich, who was sent to me from nowhere. I'll tell you more about it.
Svyatoslav Gennadievich called the theater when information was broadcast on television that I had given birth to triplets.
Photo: from the personal archive of M. Boltneva
We met, he said: “I am your fan, you are in need, and I have the opportunity to help, which means that according to God's laws I must do it. Then the Lord will help me.” And with these words he handed over one hundred thousand rubles.
Outwardly, the new acquaintance somehow reminded me of Woland, at least that's how I imagined Bulgakov's character. We talked about Christianity, piety, virtue and parted ways. And now, at a critical moment, I called him. Svyatoslav Gennadievich immediately brought most of the required amount, I have already returned half of it.
There, on condition of complete anonymity, women share the most intimate: they tell and show how their bodies have changed after pregnancy and childbirth. Stretch marks, scars, torn muscles, weight gain, sagging breasts… But you won’t find a single retort like “if I knew, I would never get involved” here.
But even against the background of other stories, the story of Olga, the mother of triplets, is amazing. "Hi. This is what the once flat and toned tummy looks like after triplets…” she signed a photo taken six months after giving birth.
As for the tucked-up tummy, the girl did not twist her soul. Olga scored not so much superfluous, while maintaining a slender figure. But not the stomach.
“We often went in for sports with my husband. Now he continues to study, but I can’t, ”she almost cries.
During pregnancy, Olga's belly was just huge. First, the skin was torn, forming terrible stretch marks. Muscles ruptured after them.
“The doctors said that my stomach looked like the head of a jellyfish. The result of a triplets pregnancy is diastasis of the 3rd degree, hernia, stretch marks, ”says Olga.
Because of the stretch marks, the young mother does not worry. “I don’t plan to walk around with a bare stomach,” she dismisses. But the belly of the balloon was blown into an "apron". It looks terrible. All attempts to pick up a new dress for themselves end in tears: the sellers offer clothes for growth, believing that Olga is pregnant.
“We need a complete abdominoplasty with liposuction and removal of hernias. But there is no money for it yet, ”Olga shrugs.
The doctors gave the girl a preliminary bill of 290 thousand. The amount for a large family, and even with a mortgage, is absolutely unbearable.
“I don’t make a tragedy out of this, but it interferes with life, of course. Not only is it aesthetically ugly, it also hurts. But children are the most precious thing I have! I waited for them for 10 years and gave birth exactly on my thirtieth birthday!” says the young mother.
As a result, the subscribers of My Lines decided to organize a fundraiser for Olga. “Yes, if each gives a hundred rubles, we will collect!” - the indifferent mothers threw a cry. But Olga, it seems, and this is no longer important.
"Thank you for support. So many warm words, so much sympathy - I read, and just covers, ”she wrote.
By the way, some residents of the community advised Olga to go in for sports, do vacuum massage, wear a bandage and sleep on her stomach - and everything, they say, will be removed as if by hand. We asked a specialist what can actually restore the stomach with diastasis.
Tatyana Butskaya, pediatrician, popular medical blogger:
The problem of diastasis is not that the muscles are flaccid, but that they have separated. A strong degree of diastasis, when there is a serious divergence of muscles, requires exclusively surgical intervention. At the initial stage, you can still try to increase the muscles due to pumping and vacuum massages, but when they are already 5 cm apart, this can be dangerous by infringement of the intestines, prolapse of the pelvic organs and other complications. In ambiguous situations, I always advise getting a second expert opinion.
The amazing story of one mom who unexpectedly found out about what was waiting for ... triplets excited us. This is how you plan one child, and then bam - three! Straightaway!
Alena Khmilevskaya, a mother of triplets and a son with many children, spoke about how she felt when she learned about the results of the ultrasound, and how she copes with so many children (three of which are babies).
- Please tell us about the very first moment when you learned that there would be three children instead of one planned. How did you and your husband react? And relatives?
– I found out during an ultrasound, which I came to because of bleeding at the 9th week of pregnancy. On the first ultrasound, by the way, they saw only one heart, so it could not even occur to me that there were more than one children. In general, I thought that I would have a miscarriage, and went to the doctor, almost resigned to the loss of pregnancy, and then - a surprise!
I learned the news from the ultrasound doctor: in the process of examining her face, I realized that something was wrong. I was frightened, of course, and then she asked me: "And how many of them do you have there?" Then she said that she was twins, and while I was digesting this news, the doctor also found a third heart.
Frankly, I was horrified! Because triplets are a cross on normal life. As one friend says, this is a prison.
I felt it right away and panicked. And at the same time, it was very funny to me. This must have happened to me! My husband was also shocked, although to a lesser extent than I was. When I told him the news, he thought for a long time, and then said: "We'll have to change the car." Ha! Yes, you will have to change your whole life!
I think we still haven't fully realized that we're having triplets. I sometimes look at girls and think: "God! And these are all mine!"
At first, our relatives did not believe us - they thought we were playing them in such a stupid way. And then they rejoiced! We were very, very lucky - no one offered to have an abortion or reduction (future parents of triplets are often advised, unfortunately). My parents helped me and my husband a lot both during pregnancy and after the birth of girls.
- There is such a tendency - to give yourself advice a la from the past. You are now a mother of many children. As we understood, nothing of the kind (at least on such a scale) was not planned. What would you say to yourself five years ago about all this? What would you advise?
- Oh, yes, I definitely didn’t plan this, I couldn’t even imagine! If I had been told 5 years ago that I would have triplets, I would not have believed it.
I would advise myself to take a course in financial literacy and more wisely manage the savings that we had before I got pregnant with triplets (now they are gone, because everything went into pregnancy and childbirth). And then the thought of spending on four children - medicine and education - scares me a little. Well, we would have decided the housing issue differently if we knew about the upcoming large families. And just before pregnancy, we bought a "kopeck piece", which we now fit with great difficulty ...
"I am able to walk with all the children alone, but I return barely alive"
- Asking about how it is to give birth to triplets is even scary. If you can, please tell. If not, then let's move on to another question.
- She gave birth by caesarean section. Natural birth of triplets is very, very rare, there are several important conditions that must match for this to be possible. In my case, unfortunately, it didn't work. The babies were born prematurely - at the 33rd week, but, fortunately, healthy.
I didn’t like the cesarean at all (especially after the first ideal birth), it was hard to recover.
“There are three children at home. A million questions immediately arise. Are they calm?
- Alas, they can not be called calm. Although I really hoped so! My eldest was a typical child with increased needs, I almost went crazy in his first year. Throughout the pregnancy, I inspired myself that this would not happen again, it was very scary to get this in triple volume. So far, the girls are not as restless as the son, but they are far from gift.
How did you cope with colic? Or are they still raging?
- We have not so much colic as gaziki - and they are still raging (horror-horror!). In general, this is the most difficult thing - when all three of them are crying at the same time. For me, this is the most difficult thing - two hands ... I try to calm them down by putting one on my knees and shaking two on my shoulder, but it doesn’t always work. Ideally, the three of us should calm them down, but this very rarely works out.
How do you organize your outing?
– There are strollers for triplets, but they are all huge and heavy, and I am still delaying the moment of purchase. We have a stroller for twins, so far the three girls fit in there (although they are already getting cramped). But most often we walk like this: two in a stroller, one in a sling, the son walks nearby. I am able to take a walk with all the children alone, but I return, of course, barely alive.
Who helps and how?
“My parents help us a lot. It would have been very difficult without them. Sometimes they walk with the elder, help to calm the little ones. My mother-in-law periodically takes over nightly feedings so that I can sleep a little longer (I still stay awake all night because I pump every three hours, but this is much easier than the pump-feed-lay cycle) - I am wildly grateful to her for this.
Since September, we have had a nanny - during the day she walks with the little ones for daytime naps, and I manage to do at least something around the house.
"This is not at all what I dreamed of in my youth - but nevertheless it's cool"
- And what are the daughters in character?
- It's funny that they behaved differently already in the stomach, and after birth nothing changed. Tonya has always been the most active and liveliest, she kicked the most and now she screams the loudest. Viveya is the most sensitive and emotional. If she starts crying (and she can start crying for any reason), then it is very difficult to calm down. But also the most smiling. Joanna was the quietest - I often worried about her, because I rarely felt her movements.
I think this girl is my only chance to have a calm child. True, it is not yet clear what will come of this, since she is very tormented by her stomach and, accordingly, also cries a lot.
- What feelings do you have as a mother? Here you give birth to one and you feel that everything, life is a success, and you have not the first, but three at once!
- I remember the moment when in the corridor of the maternity hospital it suddenly dawned on me - I have four children! And everyone is so awesome! This is space, of course. It's not at all what I dreamed of in my youth - and yet it's cool. I feel like I've matured a lot since having girls. A lot of things that used to bother me, now do not touch me at all. I definitely became bolder and stronger. And what is there to hide, I also feel a sense of pride.
- The names are very unusual. How did you come up with it?
- We opened the calendar of names and studied it for a long time. Antonina was my great-grandmother's name, she was a very strong woman. At some point, I suddenly felt that the liveliest of the young ladies should be called that way. The husband liked the name Viveya very much - he firmly decided that he would have a daughter with such a romantic name, meaning "life". We chose the name of John, standing in a dead traffic jam on the Moscow Ring Road and reading the calendar of names around the fifth circle. I have good associations with him: Joanna - Jo for short - was the name of my first boss, a real superwoman.
Is everyone breastfeeding? Enough milk with triplets?
- Yes, and supplement with expressed milk. Unfortunately, it is not yet possible to get away from bottles (the girls were fed from bottles while nursing after childbirth, and they got used to them). Fortunately, there is enough milk, although this requires some effort on my part.
- Do you all sleep together?
Yes, we sleep together. While we are placed. Usually we fit with the letter W, but best of all, girls sleep on dad.
"The son is proud of the title of older brother"
- How old is the eldest son, how did he take the unexpected appearance of so many girls at once? How is their relationship?
- Ilyusha is four years old. The appearance of the girls was not entirely unexpected - we prepared Ilyusha for him during my pregnancy, so he knew in advance that he would have three sisters. It so happened that the main changes happened not even after the birth of girls, but during pregnancy - it was not easy at all (at first I was unsettled by monstrous toxicosis, and then I had a lot of restrictions: it was impossible to lift weights, run and jump, yourself, too).
In the last stages, I could barely walk at all and practically could not play with my son (and he loves active games). I couldn't even really hug Ilyusha! That is, we had a deficit of mother's attention even before the birth, and in a sense, this is good - after the birth it became even easier. At least, my mother again became like her mother, and not like a stomach with legs.
At first, Ilyusha also wanted to be a baby - he asked for hands, demanded that he pour milk into the same bottle as his sisters. But this period passed rather quickly, and now the son is proud of the title of elder brother.
He treats his sisters well: he tries to play with them and helps them to calm down when they cry. Sometimes, of course, he gets angry with them: for example, when he wants to watch cartoons, and they shout in unison, and he can’t hear anything.
- If we talk about your attitude towards children - how do you manage to somehow distribute your time and attention between the elders and the younger ones? Here, when you give birth to the second, you are tormented by questions, and whether he will receive little attention, and whether he will be jealous, etc. And here, instead of one, there are three competitors for mother's love ...
- Oh, I thought about Ilyusha first thing when I found out about the triplets. second child, I, like everyone else, was tormented by the same questions about competition and attention. It seems to me that we are saved by the fact that Ilyusha received a lot of my attention in the first three and a half years of his life - he was fed. And due to this reserve, we are now "leaving".
Of course, now I also try to give him the maximum possible - but, frankly, it does not always work out. I try to always respond to his requests, I talk a lot with him, I involve him in caring for my sisters (if he has such a desire). If possible, we play or walk when the little ones are sleeping. I try very hard not to take it out on him (although it can be difficult when the girls all cry at the same time, and at that moment Ilyusha demands something).
In many ways, my dad makes up for the lack of attention - when he is at home - Ilyusha plays with him, mom is not needed at all.
And Ilyusha often sees her grandparents. In general, it seems to me that so far the adaptation to the changes in our family is going well.
"It's chaos and delight at the same time"
- Can you tell us a little more about you "before" and "after"?
“I have always been very suspicious and anxious. But the simultaneous appearance of so many children dramatically complicates life and greatly expands the area of responsibility. You have to make a huge number of decisions, organize life in such a way that it is comfortable for all those for whom you are responsible.
This applies to both global things (such as the decision to send the elder to the kindergarten and the choice of this very kindergarten), and daily little things. When you have three babies crying, the eldest is sitting in the toilet and screaming to wipe his ass, dinner is burning on the stove, and at the same time the phone is ringing - there is no time to think.
In general, I became more determined. In the daily struggle against chaos, there is no way without it - either you are it, or it is you.
- Tell me, please, how can so much love for children be contained in one heart? Did you fall in love with them right away, or was there some special way to the heart of each of them?
- I must admit that at first, while the girls were in the hospital, I did not feel the same crazy love for them that I felt for my son from the very first second (and by the way, I was very worried about this). Maybe it was due to the hormones and the stress of preterm birth, or maybe it was some kind of defensive reaction, otherwise I would have gone crazy that they were there alone, without me.
But now I love all three as much as the oldest. How does it fit into the heart? Easily! Mothers in families with even more children will say the same thing. Another thing is that each child needs to be known and understood, relationships need to be built with each, because even identical triplets are still separate individuals. But we are still at the very beginning of this journey.
- What discoveries did you make in your relationship with your husband after the birth of your daughters?
- There were no discoveries as such, we have been together for 14 years, we have studied each other well. I always knew that you can rely on him, and here I was convinced of this again. Artem is a fantastic father, he manages well even with triplets. But in general, the birth of triplets is a difficult test for the family, I really hope that we will endure it.
- If you could describe your life with triplets in a nutshell, what would it be?
So far, it depends on the day. Sometimes it is chaos and despair, and sometimes it is sheer tenderness and delight. In general, chaos and delight, something like that.
Garden. Immunologist. Vaccinations. Our story. As many of you already know, my babies were born very premature at 31 weeks weighing less than 1.5 kilograms. From birth to a year, for this reason, and not only, there was a medical exemption from vaccinations. Then I waited for them to start walking, at the age of 1.3 the last one went 😊 Then we got sick, then we had to go somewhere, then something else happened. As a result, now my pies are 2.1 years old and they still do not have a single vaccination ... Yes, even BCG. I am neither for nor against vaccinations. I am for a reasonable approach to this issue! And looking ahead, I want to say right away that it doesn’t matter to me whether you vaccinate your child or not, because he is yours! I'm not agitating anyone anywhere, and please don't poison my soul with scary stories. 🙏🙏🙏 So. It came down to the garden. In order to get a card for him, you need to make a manta, or if you don’t want a manta, then you do a paid blood test, which costs 7 tr. The girls said that it seemed like it was possible to simply refuse the mantoux, I didn’t go into details, we just did it. Because they made the decision to vaccinate their children. With BCG we did not have time this month. I decided to start vaccination by visiting an immunologist and drawing up an individual vaccination schedule. I found out that you can get a free appointment with immunologists through a referral from the clinic. BUT!!! Only if there is evidence for this! The child is often sick, prematurity, etc. We went to our pediatrician, we were given referrals without any problems. I made an appointment with an immunologist. We went to the Center for Medical Prevention of the Department of Health of Moscow. (This is on Marshal Biryuzova Street). We got cards, came to the reception. They asked questions about how the pregnancy went, what diagnoses were at the birth of children, what infectious diseases they had, whether there were allergies, etc. Standard questions in general. We examined the children. (routine examination by a pediatrician). As a result, on September 7 we will have the first MMR vaccination. It seems they even promised to supply imported vaccines. 🙏 We'll see. In any case, we will replace the DTP with an imported one. 🙏 That's how things are. Are there mothers of very premature babies here who began to vaccinate their children late? How did the kids tolerate the vaccines?
