Why is a child nervous at 2 years old. The formation of the child's own "I"

Water temperature during hardening

Contrary to popular belief, hardening does not require a low temperature. It requires temperature contrast. Cold causes blood vessels to constrict, heat causes them to dilate. And the main thing in hardening is the training of blood vessels.

On parental forums, you can often find questions from worried dads and moms about why the child is nervous and freaking out.

Parents are interested in: what to do if the child has become capricious, whiny, irritable, rude? How to react if he throws objects, shouts, slams the door, refuses to eat? How to help a child who is upset because of little things, worries for no apparent reason?

To cope with these manifestations of nervousness in a child, adhere to the fundamental principles of health:

1. Compliance with the daily routine

Today, a child is allowed to watch cartoons all day or play computer games until late, and tomorrow you need to learn lessons and rehearse the violin? No wonder it causes an uproar! If the child is rewarded for doing homework with a favorite pastime, there are no reasons for "nuts".

The correct daily routine makes the child's life calm and orderly. And the unpredictable and fickle course of life provides the child with reasons for tantrums at every turn.

2. Moderate mental stress

The school curriculum is complex, the requirements are very high, in order to assimilate the educational material, students need record perseverance, attentiveness, memory, diligence, and accuracy. To achieve good grades, to earn the praise of the teacher and the approval of the parents, students have to devote a lot of time and effort to their studies. As a result, children are constantly nervous, tired, lose interest in their favorite activities, experience difficulties in communicating with parents and friends.

You should not demand outstanding knowledge and record achievements from a child, expect manifestations of supernatural abilities. In pursuit of grades, the physical and mental health of the child suffers.

3. Physical activity

But physical activity in school is not enough! Children are forced to sit still in the classroom for several hours in a row, and during breaks - to maintain restraint and decency. Two physical education lessons a week is catastrophically little to make up for the lack of physical activity.

If the child is often and a lot nervous, give him the opportunity to throw out the accumulated energy! Go out into nature, play outdoor games, visit the pool, sign up for a sports section, ride a bike or rollerblade. As a last resort, take daily walks in the fresh air.

4. Full sleep

The child will stop being nervous if he gets enough sleep. A student aged 6-10 years old should sleep 10 hours a day, 10-14 years old - 9 hours, 14-18 years old - 8 hours.

If the child goes to bed late and wakes up early in the morning, the night's sleep will not be enough. Invite him to sleep in the afternoon - just 1 hour of daytime sleep will help to relax and rejuvenate.

Each child is an individual who does not depend on external factors. Of course, upbringing plays an important role in the development of a child's personality, but the character that was laid down at birth is much more important. Often two different children grow up in the same family - calm, balanced and nervous, naughty. How can this be, because the upbringing and attitude of parents is identical? What to do in this case - to break the core of the crumbs or give up on him and not pay attention to his antics? Today we will talk about the bad behavior of the child - why children become nervous and naughty, how to establish contact with the child and correct the situation in time.

Why does the child become naughty

With the birth of a child, many mothers and fathers decide to raise the baby in an atmosphere of love and trust, especially if they themselves grew up in strictness in childhood. But often excessive awe, love and indulgence in whims does not bring anything good. The child ceases to feel the limits of what is permitted, he often tests the limit of parental patience. Why does the child behave badly, disobey, get nervous? Here are some common reasons.

There are many other reasons for disobedience, which are somehow related to the above factors. But what if the cause of disobedience is hyperactivity?

hyperactive children

Often, disobedience and nervousness do not indicate gaps in education, but attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. This is not just a characteristic, it is a neurological diagnosis that only a doctor can make. But remember, you can’t attribute a diagnosis to every bully, you need to clearly distinguish between educational problems and disorders in terms of neurology. Hyperactivity, as a rule, occurs even in the prenatal period, if the mother was deprived of some vitamins or trace elements, with fetal hypoxia, if the woman was nervous or took potent medications during pregnancy.

Hyperactive children are characterized by restlessness, they quickly change their occupation, clutching at one thing after another. It is hard for such children at school, they cannot sit quietly even for a few minutes. Manifestations of ADHD are already noticeable from infancy - such children sleep poorly and little, constantly tossing and turning. Hyperactive children cannot stand still, they are constantly running, jumping, spinning or jumping. Impatience is their main companion. Such children cannot wait for something or someone, they are very talkative, often interrupting and screaming. Children diagnosed with ADHD react very sharply to criticism, get nervous, and do not listen to adults. If you find similar symptoms in your child, you should definitely consult a neurologist. Understand that your baby is not to blame for the fact that his neural connections work this way, and nothing else. But in order for the child to learn to perceive information and study well at school, the diagnosis must be treated. To do this, the doctor may prescribe medication sedatives that you need to drink in courses. This will not only help you, but also your child. But the most important thing is to work with a psychologist and build an adequate educational process.

If the baby has no neurological health problems, then his behavior is the result of your upbringing or lack of it. Here are some practical tips to help you fix the situation.

1. Peace, only peace! Tantrums and various manifestations of disobedience are calculated on your reaction. Try to always and in everything remain calm and adequate parents. The kid lay down on the floor and threw a tantrum - do not react, because the child is just waiting for this. Keep calmly going about your business until he calms down. Of course, this can be quite difficult to do on the street, but you can only root out such habits by completely ignoring it.
2. Talk heart to heart. Make time for your child every day. Listen to his anxieties and experiences, build a confidential conversation and do not scold him for the truth. If you scold your baby today for confessing about a broken vase, tomorrow he simply won’t tell you about it. And in adolescence, completely lose a thin thread of trust. In order for a child to listen to you at 15-20 years old, you need to listen to him in early childhood and not neglect his problems. After all, a lost toy is as important to him as a failed report is to you. Listen to the child, give him advice, experience troubles and joys together. And then the baby will not have unspoken claims and hidden grievances.
3. Do not Cry! The child screams because he wants you to hear him, often he cannot express his emotions in another way. Do not be like a child, explain everything calmly. If the baby is nervous, tell him that you love him in any way, even when he is angry.
4. Stick to the established rules. The child should know that there are few prohibitions, but they are unshakable. You can’t play with an outlet, on any day of the week, at any time of the day, neither a child nor an adult can. Be consistent in your decisions. Threatened to give toys to a neighbor if the child does not clean them up? Keep your promise. And then the next time the baby will think a hundred times whether to ignore your request for cleaning. Parents should be soft and hard at the same time.
5. Do not push, look for compromises. You are an adult who should not follow the principle. The child does not want to eat soup - leave him alone, eat a little later. The daughter refuses to wear a beautiful dress on a visit - let her wear what she likes, not you. Give in to your child too. The kid does not want to collect toys? Offer to do it together or say that after cleaning you will drink cocoa together. The easiest way is to shout and force. But that's not your goal. A child should not be afraid of his parents, he should respect them.
6. Lead by example. How is a child supposed to follow some rules if you yourself do not adhere to them? The child should look at you and understand that you need to be respectful to people, brush your teeth twice a day, wash your hands after a walk. How can you demand sports from your child if you yourself constantly lie on the couch in front of the TV? If a child sees how mom and dad respect each other, he is unlikely to allow himself to humiliate someone.
7. Don't overwhelm the child. Very often, aggression is born at the moment when my mother says - it’s impossible, because I said so. That is, the ban is placed only on the basis of your authority. Under no circumstances should you do this. You need to explain to the baby why this is not possible. When talking with a child, be sure to sit at his level - sit down or take the baby on your knees. Only in the “eye to eye” position can you achieve a confidential conversation.
8. Take the child. Often disobedience occurs against the background of boredom or idleness, when the baby simply does not know how else to entertain himself. Have your child play with something. Drawing, drawing up applications, modeling has an excellent calming effect. In addition, joint activities will help you establish contact.

The main thing in educational work is patience. Try not to be angry with your child, put yourself in his place. Do not scold the baby for a wet puddle on the floor - she was just trying to correct her mistake and wipe up the spilled yogurt. Raising a child is a whole philosophy. And if you put understanding, patience, care and love into the baby, the child will answer you the same. And he will become a person who can love, sympathize and understand his neighbor.

Don't take out the negativity on a naughty child, even if it's very difficult to do so. Gather your will into a fist and educate, talk, disassemble, make friends. The formation and upbringing of a child is a daily work, but it depends on you what the baby will become tomorrow, and how he will relate to different people and situations. Support, patience and parental love can melt even the most callous child's heart. Treat your child with understanding, and he will certainly answer you the same!

Video: how to deal with unruly children

Most young parents dream that their baby will grow up happy, calm, friendly. Adults imagine what an ideal child should be like, trying to make dreams come true.

But why, instead of words of love, a sincere smile in response, adults often receive whims, rude words, tantrums, anger, inappropriate behavior? What to do if the child is nervous and naughty? It is important to understand the causes, to understand how to deal with the problem. Find out the opinion of psychologists about raising children.

Why is the baby not listening?

There are many factors that provoke whims and bad behavior. Psychologists identify several main reasons that most often affect the violent expression of emotions in children of different ages.

Attempts to get attention

The problem of today's children is the lack of time that parents devote to their growing child. Often the reason lies in the workload at work, a pile of material and domestic problems.

Sometimes adults are too busy with their own thoughts to delve into the life of the baby not formally, but with sincere participation. Little personalities do not know how to attract attention in another way, they choose crying, tantrums, disobedience.

The struggle for leadership in the family

Children often “stomp their feet”, do it their own way (even wrong), if adults always impose their opinion, do not recognize a small personality in a son or daughter. An orderly tone is not the best assistant for raising a calm, happy child.

Loss of self confidence

Constant prohibitions, humiliation, lack of praise, nitpicking lower self-esteem. The kid is often told that he is “stupid”, “clumsy”, “worse than Vasya from the second floor”, and so on. The child is naughty, snaps, tries to create a protective "cocoon".

Remember! The longer such an appeal lasts, the more difficult it is for a boy or girl to regain self-confidence, the harder it is to educate a self-sufficient person.

Desire to take revenge on adults

It's not about bad upbringing or bad character. Children do not forgive deceit, they are offended by unfulfilled promises, they suffer because of jealousy for their peers, whom their parents constantly set as an example.

Psychologists advise parents to think about how they offended their daughter or son, if suddenly the behavior deteriorated, the baby began to snap, do everything out of spite, act up. If it is difficult to find the reason in yourself, calmly, confidentially talk with your son or daughter. Perhaps you will find out what triggered the emotional wound in a preschooler or teenager.

Manifestations of childish disobedience:

• the preschooler falls into childhood. The main reason is the appearance of a younger brother or sister, a constant reminder "you are already an adult." But a baby at 3-4 years old does not always want to be older. An unbearable burden puts pressure on the psyche, a small "adult" behaves like a baby: he starts to write, asks to be fed from a spoon, does not want to dress himself, scatters toys. Often, a "suddenly matured" baby does not want to care for someone who took away the privileges of childhood from him;
• the child does everything out of spite. The main reason is lack of attention. Another factor is the desire to be the head of the family. Sometimes the thought of their own "adulthood" and significance deprives the baby of common sense. At 3-4 years old, it is difficult for children to express their desire for leadership in words, they solve problems with screams, tantrums, ugly scenes in crowded places.
• the child does forbidden things, knowing that he will again be punished. After such scenes, parents often break down, scream, put in a corner. But a day later, everything repeats again: the toys are not folded, things are lying on the sofa, in the corner there is a mountain of candy wrappers mixed with cubes and cars. The reason is the lack of trust in the relationship between adults and the baby, a weak psycho-emotional connection. Children are well aware of the lack of affection, the lack of sincere interest in their personality. Conclusion: better half an hour of confidential, sincere communication than half a day of falsehood and pretense;
• the child provokes scandals. The reason is the same as when acting to spite the parents. Lack of attention makes you go to extreme measures. And what can a little man (even teenagers are vulnerable and defenseless at heart) if attempts to talk lead to nothing? That's right, you have to rebel. How? Manifestations depend on age: kids are hysterical, crying, making scenes, screaming at the whole store or bus. Teenagers are constantly arguing, acting against the rules, ignoring their parents.

Crisis periods

Specialists in child psychology identify several dangerous periods when the balance in relationships is often disturbed:

• from a year to a year and a half. There is a clear discrepancy between the needs and capabilities of a small personality;
• from 2.5 to 3 years. Children strive to become independent, but due to age, not everything succeeds, they are always put in the framework of “you are still small”;
• from 6 to 7 years old. The child goes to school, often there is a crisis of the first grader. Parents need maximum attention, understanding of the stressful situation in which the first-grader is;
• from 10 years old. The first manifestations of teenage maximalism. There is no gray, there is only "black" and "white". Children demand sincerity in relationships, respect for themselves, do not forgive falsehood. Teenagers often protest against moral/physical abuse by bad behavior.

How to deal with naughty and nervous children

Helpful Hints:

• it is important to remain calm, take into account the interests of a small person when making some decisions related to family life;
• you can’t break into a scream, humiliate, and even more so, beat children of any age: you will only cause opposition, tears (or silent protest + hidden resentment). Return trust in you, show that you love your son or daughter as they are;
• treat negative manifestations philosophically. Psychologists advise to understand that with the right behavior of parents, the storm will gradually subside. Patience is one of the main qualities of good parents;
• do not let "sit on your head", explain your position, show by personal example a respectful attitude towards other family members. If you yourself act incorrectly, humiliate your husband / wife, other children, it is unlikely that you will be able to raise a happy, calm child;
• from an early age do not bring up a tyrant. You can not announce to everyone that the main thing in the family is a child. Often children are capricious, defend their significance with a cry, bad behavior, if they are trying to take away the title of “king” or “princess”;
• take into account the difficult periods in the life of a son or daughter. Age crises are inevitable, the main thing is to survive them with dignity. Realize that the young rebel takes no joy in meeting his unacceptable demands. All the same, he will have to come up with new tricks with which his parents are unlikely to agree. And so on ad infinitum. Patience, a friendly attitude, a sincere interest in the individual are the key to maintaining good relations.

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• Give your kids more choices. Let even a three-year-old baby feel its importance. One doll or the other, polka-dot or floral pajamas, today a hat with a bubo or with ears - sometimes children have to choose. An important point: do not turn into a slave, asking the baby for advice every minute for any reason;
• do not succumb to provocations when a capricious person provokes you into a scandal. Don't waste your emotional energy. If parents behave kindly, confidently, your firmness, calmness will certainly pass to the child. And what to expect from an explosive, furiously screaming mom (or an angry dad with a belt)? The young prankster does not know, he is even more lost, nervous;
• talk to children at their level, looking into their eyes. Wrong position - "pose of superiority": the baby is sitting, the adult is looking from above, emphasizing his importance. Correct position: children and parents sit on the sofa, bench, and so on, talking, looking into the eyes. You can sit down, kneel down, put a little man next to you, try to talk calmly. The main thing: the eyes are at the same level, plus a confidential, calm tone;
• decoction of lemon balm, mint, motherwort herb, valerian tablets, baths with string and chamomile will reduce nervous tension. You can not get carried away with soothing pills, use drugs without a doctor's recommendation.

Take note:

• many "ideal kids" often have psychological problems. A naughty, nervous child splashes out his disagreement with the rules, shows violent emotions;
• ideal, obedient children, silently, fulfill all requests, never conflict, do not try to show their "I". Both negative and positive emotions are absent;
• remember: the child is not a robot, complete obedience, unconditional fulfillment of any requirements should alert;
• visit a psychologist, get a consultation. Perhaps you put too much pressure on a small person with your authority? It is easier for a kid with low self-esteem, a depressed “I” to obey than to start a useless argument;
• the sooner you pay attention to such behavior, the easier it is to correct the situation, to teach the baby to show emotions. Otherwise, you will bring up a weak-willed, weak person who does not know how to defend his principles.

child temperament type

Consider the temperament of your son or daughter:

• phlegmatic person. Be sure to explain your opinion, respect the children, calmly offer a plan of action;
• choleric. An excellent option is an appeal to justice;
• melancholic. Be sure to praise the children even for minor achievements (without falsehood), gently push them to action;
• sanguine. Invite them to do tasks together: children of this type are easily carried away, they need to be interested, not forced.

It is difficult to remain calm when everything inside is seething with indignation, but for the sake of a good relationship, you will have to try. Raising children is not only joy and pleasant emotions, but also daily work. It is difficult to argue with this statement. Listen to the recommendations of psychologists, think about what can be done if the child is naughty and nervous. Your patience, benevolent attitude, love for your son and daughter will help.

This is our case.
My dad's story about his dad (my grandfather). His dad is about 50 years old, for various reasons he did not work at that time, he had three children, only his mother worked, naturally, there was no money for pickles. Everyone is served porridge. He: “Ah! Again porridge! - and a plate on the floor. In general, from grandfather to my son, everyone is choleric.
Immediately about medicine. I am very grateful to my mother for not dragging me to neurologists and throwing out sedatives, a bunch of which were prescribed immediately, in a year or a year and a half. When I had a concussion already at the institute and my blood pressure began to jump, neuropathologists, with minimal complaints, prescribed sedatives in “tons”, I immediately note that all this is useless: either it tends to sleep, or does not affect, but does not change the character. With my son, I didn’t go to the doctors of this profile at all, except for a medical record and in the style of “everything can’t get better with us.”
What to do? First of all, do not bring the child to a detailed reaction, turn off the action earlier. If with children, pick up from such a company and walk separately. In general, calm, non-aggressive movements calm, adrenaline needs to be burned by physical work. From a calm state, kindly explain what should NEVER be done (fight, offend others), analyze what happened, speak as it should. Until the age of 13, I played with my son role-playing games based on a fairy tale country, inserting our real situations into them with humor. Never insist on the crest of excitement on educational: “Make peace. Sorry. Share your toys. Praise more. Do not say that "Masha, Petya and Vova are good, not like you." Learn not to use offensive words (fool, stupid, get out, etc.), but instead pick up something more politically correct (you're wrong, I think differently, we'll talk later, it's time for me to leave) or leave without explanation to calm down. My son did not go to kindergarten, so much was easier: when the literary Russian language is at home, the child's vocabulary is different than in the kindergarten. Explain to your son that they goad those who get excited. If he does not give out a violent external reaction “half a turn”, then they will stop “turning on” him. When it doesn’t work out, it’s better to come to the rescue before you break into a scream, take a break. Distract ("let's go have some tea", "here's a tangerine, eat it, and then we'll continue", "let's see what grandma is doing there"). Learn actions that are difficult for the child separately so that it does not cause such tension “in public”. Something not to notice. He threw: "Never again and for nothing!". Sometimes it's wise not to argue or object. Just switch to something nice. And then start as if from scratch, as if you did not notice this throwing. But not in the form of "do it yourself", but from some other end and together. It is difficult, on the one hand, not to “get it” at the moment of the explosion, on the other hand, to show the inevitability of what is necessary. I wrote sticks and letters with my son for more than six months. Just through everything: “I don’t want to! I won't! It still doesn't come out." He had hypertonicity of the hands. I learned to relax my hands. They wrote little by little, in turn, “talked their teeth”, gave out bonuses in the form of raisins in chocolate, counting the written sticks or letters together and evaluating the merits of each (here the question was sorted out pedagogically similar encouragement or not, but the son learned to write and this is the main thing). After writing, they played together.
With grandmother - a special song. My mother also loved to tell me the sins of her son, and I tried to listen without him and nod, yes, of course, it would be better in a different way, but not to disassemble or reprimand the child.
With age, a person learns to restrain himself, relieve tension in reasonable directions (sports, hobbies, solitude or a wide company). In general, as the doctor said: "Be patient, mom, take me swimming, ...".

As for the move.
1. Behave calmly, as smart people told me, “bring yourself into a calm state,” because children feel the mother’s state.
2. Say that in a new place there will be an opportunity to start everything “from scratch”, to start a “new life”, in which he will not be considered a “psycho”. That he will make new friends, and with old ones he will be able to talk on the phone and occasionally meet. It is desirable that the child does not worry, but rejoices at the move.
3. To the questions: "... how can I make friends, ..." - answer in detail, without haste and irritation, as many times as the question is asked, the child needs to understand the stereotype of behavior in a new company in a conversation with you. Lose new acquaintances. Your son has come to meet you. you to him. Bear, bunny, you and your son are in the same company. He is for himself, you are for everyone, it is desirable that the child has fun. First, the Bear and the Bunny act out a scene based on the real behavior of their son. Then you and the bunny are the same, but instead of the real behavior of the child, you show the right one. Then something similar, but already a son with someone, where he must give out the correct behavior. If it’s difficult for you, you can connect a psychologist here (do you want to talk to a person who will teach you how to get acquainted and make friends?).
4. In a new place, help your son get to know the children. For example, go out with him into the yard and further according to circumstances. For example, take out some common toy (ball, badminton), meet your parents on the playground, offer to celebrate your housewarming. You can call to visit or organize a game with refreshments right in the yard, while the weather is good, for example, offer to come to some hour with clean hands, eat a melon or fruit together and play something interesting (the role of an entertainer is yours). or invite someone you know). Here in our yard there were dads who started ball games in a circle or football - a very good option and everyone was happy.
5. See which of the children "in contact" with his son suits him as friends according to the stereotype of behavior and height-age. It is desirable that this be a pair of leader-follower, approximately similar forces (when pushing, neither should fly off with the risk of injury), and that the companion does not react violently to the son's actions. Try to go out for a walk at the same time, meet your parents, talk about a joint “outing” to a museum, zoo or just to the nearest park, invite you to your house, ... (or one thing, depending on the circumstances).
6. There are usually several yards in the district, if necessary, you can go around different ones.
7. At the peak of excitement from a new place, walk more with your son so that he is physically tired (or let him swim, ride a bike). Physical fatigue works better than valerian.
8. If possible, "throw off" the younger grandmother (or other relatives) and personally devote weeks 2 to your son in a new place, maybe. vacation at your own expense. 25.08.2007 01:33:48,

Very often at the reception pediatric neurologist or mom's psychiatrist complain about "wrong" behavior, difficult character son or daughter. Like, they are unrestrained, rude, any remark causes them an outburst of irritation, they often miss classes, leave school ... Not every “difficult” child is necessarily sick, but doctors consider some forms of violation of the behavior of children manifestation of nervousness.

In a nervous child, changes in behavior sometimes appear as early as preschool age. They are most often expressed as hyperexcitability and restlessness. At this age, the process of inhibition is not yet sufficiently developed, the process of excitation predominates, so it is difficult even for a healthy child to suppress his desire for movement. The child looks at adults with surprise: how can they sit for so long? You rarely hear a child complain that he is tired of playing or running, but often he says to his parents: “ I'm tired of sitting».

Why are they "different"?

Increased activity is characteristic of healthy children. However, it differs from aimless, chaotic restlessness of a nervous child. Nervous kids move a lot, fuss, everything the environment attracts their attention, but not for long: they take a toy and immediately throw it away, demand to read a fairy tale, but very quickly stop listening to it, get distracted. This anxiety is usually accompanied talkativeness, and the child's statements are inconsistent, fragmentary. He endlessly asks questions, but without waiting for an answer, he himself begins to talk about something. With fatigue, a change in the situation, the appearance of a new person in the house, when traveling, the baby becomes especially excited, naughty, can't sit still.

Motor restlessness, disinhibition often occur in children who have undergone a number of diseases or head injuries. This behavior of the baby is easily fixed with the wrong attitude of the parents towards him.

Noting the excessive anxiety of the child, parents should not constantly make comments to him. As already mentioned, the process of inhibition in such a child is weakened and he is unable to suppress his excessive mobility. It is necessary to send her to useful activities, give the child feasible assignments around the house, keep him busy with games related to movement (rolling a car, folding blocks, etc.). The child should be allowed to run freely in the yard without worrying that he will stain his clothes. To strengthen the nervous system of the baby, it is necessary to ensure that he observes daily regime(correctly alternated hours of study and rest). For him, frequent visits by guests, a long stay on holidays are harmful.

Constant prohibitions, remarks, punishments lead to the fact that some children have protest reaction: they do everything in defiance of their elders, scream, fall to the floor, stomp their feet, try to fight.

Such a reaction can occur not only in motorally disinhibited children. At the age of 3-4 years, the child develops desire for independence, he wants to do everything himself: dress, eat, play. And many parents, fearing that the child will drop the glass, burn himself or dress incorrectly, limit him. It is against these restrictions that the child begins to protest. Such upbringing can cause protest in older children. Let's look at a few typical situations that will help see the difference between strict and overly strict, between the caring and overly caring attitude of parents towards their children. Parenting is a very delicate matter, in which it is sometimes difficult to draw the line between right and wrong, which is why we, in conversations with worried parents, have to operate with such words as “too much”, “not enough”, “too much”, etc. But this particular , sorry for the primitive comparison, “over- or underweight”, which seems completely harmless to an adult, can deeply hurt the child’s psyche and start the mechanism of inappropriate behavior, "uncontrollability" of the child.

Carrot and stick

Sasha's protest against adults was expressed in refusal to read aloud in class and at home. Sasha's mother always demanded that her son obey her, she forbade him a lot, without explaining the reasons for the ban. One day a child asked permission to take a toy with him. The mother, without explaining why she was doing this, threw the toy out of the bag. Another time, when Sasha quarreled with the boy and hit him, the mother turned and left the child, causing a long cry and tears...

This was the reaction of the baby to the too "cool" treatment of the mother. A refused to read aloud Sasha after his mother in the presence of classmates said he was the worst reader. The boy was offended, wept, threw away the book, and for several weeks he could not be forced to pick up the book. So excessive (and unreasonable) exactingness, remarks made in a harsh form, hurting the child's pride, can lead to a violation of behavior.

Threats, constant fear of punishment make the baby "downtrodden", timid, dependent. Some kids get in this situation deceitful, insincere.

Especially adversely affect the health, development of the personality of the child conflicts between parents in education. Often one of them is overly strict and demanding, fully strives to subjugate the child to his will, while the other (most often the mother) protects him from such a harsh attitude of his father, “secretly” indulges whims, tries to please with a new toy, sweets, but in disobedience resorts to father's authority, threatens to complain to him, reminds him that "father will punish."

Here second situation, drawing how relations developed in a family where two children grow up. Mother does not work, and Katya and Seryozha are always under her supervision. The father with the children is very strict, he achieves the unquestioning fulfillment of all his instructions, without explaining their necessity. Once on the train, he did not allow the boy to take off his warm sweater, despite the fact that it was very stuffy and hot. The ban was due to the fact that the boy put on a sweater without permission, and in response to his father's warning that it would be hot, he gave his word not to complain. The father believes that only with such upbringing will children grow strong-willed, courageous, independent.

Mother - a caring, affectionate, kind woman, pities the children, tries to free them from unnecessary stress, believing that they are overtired. Pitying the children, she often, in the absence of her father, cancels his orders, pampers them, and allows them a lot.

And children do not grow up the way their parents would like. They are restless, nervous and irritable, Seryozha even got nervous tick(twitching of the muscles of the face and shoulders). In the absence of a father, children are rude to their mother and others, demand that their whims be fulfilled, quarrel and fight. At school, they often have conflicts with classmates. When the father is at home, outwardly peace is restored in the family, the children do everything that their parents tell them. But this obedience to Katya and Seryozha is only an external form of behavior, but in essence they are growing. undisciplined, insincere.

In the family, despite parental love, the conditions of upbringing turned out to be very difficult for children. They have to adapt to constantly changing conditions, they develop not an integral character, as we would like, but bad habits and skills. Moreover, these conditions cause stress on the nervous system, as a result of which Serezha developed a nervous tic.

Quarrels and strife

A common reason for a change in a child's behavior is quarrels, disagreements between parents. Children are painfully experiencing this, they are in a state of anxiety, become shy, whiny. Older children have impaired performance, they complain of fatigue, headaches.

Lyuba's parents wonder why their daughter's character has changed. The girl was always affectionate, cheerful, cheerful. And now, when she is 9 years old, she is highly excitable, whiny, fussy, twitching her shoulders. Lyuba became gloomy, distrustful, unsociable, does not like to talk about herself, closes ...

Over the past two years, the situation in the family has changed. Father comes home drunk more and more often. Watching frequent quarrels, Lyuba cannot figure out what is happening between her parents, but she constantly in a state of nervous tension. She turns to her father, then to her mother and asks them not to offend each other, she feels sorry for both. Parents love the girl, worry about her, but with their intemperance they themselves harm her.

In an unfriendly family, where quarrels and strife are frequent, where they are rude to each other, the child often manifests rudeness, unkindness to others, these character traits are fixed, the person becomes difficult to communicate. At school, the child comes into conflict with teachers, since there is no authority for him.

Children are very receptive, they easily adopt the form of behavior and attitude towards others, which they are used to observing in their loved ones. That's why raising a child is, first of all, great demands on oneself.

Childhood fears

Often the first sign of nervousness is fears at an early age. The child is afraid of the dark, scary characters in books, afraid to be alone in the room, afraid for his life and health. However, fearfulness and fears are not always a sign of a disease state. The child is just getting to know the world around him, much at first seems incomprehensible to him, and therefore scary. With age, as life experience accumulates, acquaintance with new phenomena, fears usually disappear.

Fear as a manifestation of nervousness can arise under the influence fears, scary stories, with an unexpected change of scenery, with troubles and quarrels in the family. Even a dog, a cat, a loud cry, a whistle of a steam locomotive can cause fear in a small child, especially if the child has not seen or heard all this before.

And again I want to resort to examples from medical practice.

Gala is 5 years old. For a year now, she has been waking up not only at night, but also during daytime sleep, crying, screaming, repeating that she is seeing a terrible dream. about Baba Yaga". These fears appeared in Gali after she heard a fairy tale from a kindergarten teacher. How can this be explained? It turned out that only in kindergarten Galya began to read books for the first time ...

Fright response in a young child especially easily occurs at a time when it is weakened by any disease. After an illness, a child is usually capricious, requires increased attention. And adults try to entertain him by any means - they read books, but not always suitable ones, they allow him to watch programs on TV. Parents do not take into account that during this period a minor irritant, some kind of surprise that seems harmless to them, can cause fear in the child.

Four-year-old Nina suffered a severe form of mumps, ate poorly, and was capricious. Her parents did their best to cheer her up and calm her down. They read all the children's books that were in the house to her, bought a lot of new ones, and turned on the TV in the evenings. The girl liked it, and if the TV was turned off, she began to cry. Parents felt sorry for Nina, and they obeyed her demand. After some time, Nina began to wake up in the middle of the night in fear. She trembled, cried, did not let go of her mother, shouted that she was afraid of "uncle", pointed to the TV and repeated: "He is there, he is there."

A strong fear can also cause fears in a healthy child. This state sometimes lasts for a long time.

Fears suffered by a child at an early age, if appropriate measures are not taken to eliminate them, can lead to the development of a painful condition, to the formation of negative character traits: children grow up fearful, timid, they are lost in new conditions. At school they anxious, afraid of a verbal answer at the blackboard. They spend all their free time preparing lessons, trying to memorize the task carefully, they are afraid that they will not be able to answer the teacher's questions. At school, they are anxiously waiting for the teacher's call, and if they are asked, they forget what they have carefully learned. The immediate reason for the fear of answering in the classroom may be the ridicule of children with an unsuccessful answer. But this fear arises, fear is usually in children who have had signs of nervousness before.

When a child develops a sense of fear, special approach to him from the parents. Do not force a child to overcome fear. In the first days after the fright, it is necessary to exclude all talk about the subject that frightened him, try to create a calm environment. It is recommended to consult a doctor who will prescribe the necessary medicine. In the future it is very important gradually introduce the child to the object that he was afraid of, - games, conversations, examples. Try to convince him that there is no reason for fear. So, if a child is afraid of any animal, it is useful to pet this animal in his presence, to play with him.

In order to prevent the appearance of fear and the development of such character traits as timidity, fearfulness, indecision, it is necessary to educate the child in activity from an early age. He must fulfill hard work, dress yourself, and when older, make your bed, help set the table, clean the dishes. It is important that the child constantly has certain duties, the fulfillment of which is necessary for others.

You obviously noticed that in the course of my conversation I emphasized the fact that there are deviations in the behavior of a healthy child caused by mistakes in upbringing, and here it is enough parents themselves to analyze and correct their behavior, family relationships. As assistants, you can attract popular literature, consult with a school teacher, a psychologist. But there are deviations in the behavior of the child, which already indicate a painful state of his psyche. This is where professional help is needed. psychoneurologist, psychotherapist.

We have such specialists, and there is no need to drag out a visit to them, there is no need to be afraid that this will be misinterpreted by neighbors, relatives, teachers. After all, the most important thing for you is the health of the child.

Natalia GRIGORYEVA, Candidate of Medical Sciences.
Published in Health and Success, No. 1, 1997.