A difficult child is a special child. How to deal with a difficult child

Difficult child. What is he like?

I have a difficult child, I can’t cope with him, give me at least one day to rest from this little monster - these are the daily words of millions of women raising children. It seems that the neighbor has a quiet daughter, compared to whom her child looks like a real hurricane. You cannot put a stigma on your own baby based only on comparison with other children. What kind of problem child is he - noisy, capricious, spoiled, or something else? This is a child with special needs. The character of such a child cannot be defined unipolarly - calm or active, he is simply unpredictable, which is why it is very difficult for an adult to calculate the motives of behavior and the result of the actions of his child. This goes against the established way of life of the parents. A difficult child in the family is not a death sentence for parents, it is an unplowed field in which, if you make an effort, the Garden of Eden will grow.

(for orphanage teachers)

1. Focus on your child's positive behavior. Take it as a basis for building relationships. Whenever possible, ignore negative behavior. Children want attention. If you notice the good things they do, it encourages them to do them more often.

1. Reinforce positive behavior through rewards. This could be your attention, praise, encouragement.

1. Criticize the behavior, not the child. For example: “Fighting is not good because...”. But not like this: “You are a terrible child because you hit...”. Children left without parental care have low self-esteem. When they talk about a child's behavior without touching on his personality, this does not humiliate him or lower his self-esteem.

1. Create an opportunity for discussion. Teach your child to see that making mistakes is normal and does not threaten your relationship. For example: “You got a bad mark. This, of course, is not very good, but it can be fixed. We need to work on our mistakes. Next time, try to be more careful so you don’t have to redo everything.”

1. Be consistent. Children should feel safe - this is partly facilitated by following the rules established in the group. When drawing up rules of conduct for a group, decide on the main things:

• What do you want to achieve with them;
• Rules are needed to teach something, not to unlearn it;
• The rules should sound positive, first of all talking about what is possible, and not about what is prohibited;
• The rules must be clearly formulated and presented in understandable language;
• The rules must be enforceable and their implementation must be monitored;
• The rules must be relevant and meaningful; if they have lost their necessity, they must be replaced by others;
• Explain the rules briefly, specifically and directly;
• Explain why these rules are needed.

1. Learn to prevent conflicts and behave correctly in conflict situations. If a child behaves in an undesirable way, if his behavior is disruptive or harmful to others, it is better to intervene immediately and interrupt this process. When a child's emotions are high, you should not come into physical contact with him. Another method can be used:

• Make verbal contact;
• Tell your child what he is doing wrong;
• Tell him to stop this behavior.

At this moment, do not teach the child anything, do not give instructions, do not ask questions. Speak in short, clear phrases aimed at ending the situation. There is no need to ask the child why he behaves this way; you can talk about it after the behavior has returned to normal.

1. Be clear about what you expect from your child. Explain what could happen otherwise if he doesn't listen to you. Don't assume that your child knows exactly what you want from him. Be open about what he needs to do.

1. Use positive phrases. For example, instead of saying “don’t put that cup there,” it’s better to say, “Put the cup on the table.” This will help create an environment around the child where there are not only negative statements, but he is always guilty. In the future, this will contribute to the child’s sense of self-esteem.

1. Be fair and give your child the opportunity to tell their story. Children often feel like victims, powerless before the authority of their elders. They need to see that they are listened to, shown interest, and fairness. This helps you understand that you don’t have to “act out a scene” to get someone to listen to you.

1. Make positive comments. Notice what children do well, tell them what they succeed in. Positive statements reinforce acquired skills.

1. Let your child be responsible for something That. Orders must be available for execution. Consider the child’s interests and development. This will help the child have experience in achieving something and increase self-confidence.

1. Don't be too strict. Ask yourself (just honestly): “If I were a child, would I think this is fair?”

1. Use humor to diffuse the situation. But this should never be at the expense of ridiculing or humiliating the child.

1. Apologize if you are wrong. If necessary, you can give an explanation for your words or actions. This will show children that it is important to admit their mistakes and correct the situation. It also helps build trusting relationships and teaches respect between people.

1. Be calm and seek help from colleagues if necessary. Remember that you are a specialist, you have life experience and knowledge. You have the right to support and assistance from other professionals.

Based on materials from the magazine “Children's Home” No. 1, 2009.

Michelangelo Buonarroti was once asked what he did for a living. Michelangelo did not say that he was an artist. “I cut away the excess marble to reveal the beauty stored inside the stone,” he said. Raising difficult children is like a survival process.

Survival Skills for Parents of Troubled Children

Difficult children are the people who can change the world. With their energy, their impulses, they are able to make any changes. They are desperate fighters for life. But they are unlikely to be able to open up without the wise and tactful help of their parents. Fathers and mothers of such children require patience, a kind heart and a kind soul.

"Patient Hearing"

When I talk about patience, I mean “a patient ear”—the ability to listen to a child, to understand his stories, to understand the values ​​he holds, to understand the hopes, dreams, and disappointments that lie within him. This is a real problem because most people can either speak or wait in line to speak.

Free your ears and give up the teenagers, pretense and conventions that cause us to draw the wrong conclusions. It is always easier to say something than to listen, but difficult children are not like the rest, they are more vulnerable than other children, so be patient and still listen to them.

Parents of difficult children often have to listen “between the lines.” Difficult children, in the heat of passion, say very offensive and heartbreaking things. The ability of parents to discern (hear) fear and anxiety behind hurtful words allows them to remain calm in turbulent times and maintain goodwill in the family.

Kind heart

A kind heart presupposes the ability to sympathize with children, to see the positive sides in their actions, that is, in other words, the ability to discern what children really want to achieve through their actions.

The intense arousal of difficult children can make some adults want to control them. But it is better to avoid pointless battles. It is better to remember the enormous potential of these children and try to bring out their inner beauty.

Parents of difficult children usually receive a lot of advice. Most of them are useless and resemble something similar to “spare the rod and spoil the child.” Don't listen to such advice, find your own path. No one knows your child better than you. We all make mistakes from time to time, lose control and lose perspective.

In the end, what matters is not that you follow all the pedagogical instructions, but that you do everything possible to remain a friend to your child, ready to admit your mistakes, always keeping your promises and maintaining a good relationship no matter the circumstances.

I heard that Mozart once wrote a piece of music that was absolutely harmonious and technically balanced. But it turned out to be soulless and boring. Then he rewrote part of it, adding dissonant passages and some notes sounding a little longer than usual in such works to create tension and drama. In some cases, people are like this: our imperfections are what make us interesting.

A kind heart also implies a compassionate attitude towards oneself.

kind soul

A good soul takes time to heal itself. Parenting is the hardest and most beautiful job of all, and raising difficult children is, on top of everything else, like running an endurance race in a snowstorm at night. By making time for your own sleep, providing yourself with the necessities of life outside the home, and laughing, you not only help maintain your perspective, but also create a better parent.

Clarissa Pinkola Este, author of Women Who Run With the Wolves, has coined a beautiful concept called the “handmade life.” Each person is like a potter who shapes their own life by trimming and smoothing. Of course, it is easier (and sometimes inevitable) to shape your life with the help of strangers and external forces, but only you are responsible for preserving your own uniqueness.

Difficult children are often overwhelmed by the desire to fit in with others, even at the cost of their own individuality. Supporting a parent who teaches how to be socially successful without giving up individuality helps a difficult child not lose sight of his strengths and develop his talents. In this regard, it is important to look at yourself. A parent who does not conform to general standards is able to prove to difficult children that they should always remain themselves.

Difficult children don't need to be corrected or fixed because they weren't broken. However, they need to be taught how to show their strengths and, most importantly, how to communicate in the world. These children need to be shown how to succeed in life, and the best people to do this are you, the parents.

When it comes to “handmade” you have to be a little disruptive and counter-revolutionary. In a world where people run faster and faster, work harder and harder, and laugh less and less, it is important to remember that it is connection with other people - mainly family - that gives meaning to life.

There are four questions to ask yourself:

1. When did you stop singing?

2. When did you stop dancing?

3. When did you stop listening and telling stories?

4. When did you become disillusioned with silence?

Build involvement

Involvement is an essential part of resisting evil. This is the strongest barrier we know to suicide, violence and drug addiction. A difficult child needs the ability to resist, and where can he get it if not from you!

Involvement offers a cure for childhood fears—rejection, loneliness, and abandonment. Difficult children are afraid of this more than other children.

When family life is too turbulent, with frequent scandals and showdowns, the sense of belonging decreases. So let's think about how to get it back.

Developing the ability to resist bad things and developing a sense of belonging in the family requires

1) a specific education strategy; feelings of belonging;

2) developing a culture of interaction;

3) clarity about what you want.

Outlining a parenting strategy

Determine what you like and what you don’t like about your own child, which qualities will help him in life, and which, on the contrary, will harm him. I hope this helps you decide on a parenting strategy.

Changing a difficult child's sense of belonging takes time. First, think about how you can improve your relationship with him. One father decided to play computer games with his son every day for half an hour. Another mother came up with a plan to let everyone in the family know they were loved.

The old saying goes: the same thing leads to the same result. In a family where communication is broken, you will have to start with something unusual to build a strong relationship with your difficult child. Think of something your son or daughter might like and do it. For at least twenty minutes, forget that you are an adult, stop being demanding, do something so that the child will have you at his disposal. Here are some thoughts on this matter.

Create a culture of interaction

Parents of difficult children often complain that they sometimes feel like completely different people live under the same roof. This is existence, not a full life, they say. The family is destroyed by conflicts, disagreements and outright hostility. This happens to all families from time to time.

Mrs. Harmon told about her daughter Emily: “Life has become like walking on broken pieces.” Every time we asked her to do something, a real war began. At some point, it became easier not to ask her for anything at all, not to involve her in participation in the life of the family. Gradually we stopped communicating. But at the same time, both we and she felt unhappy.

Request for cooperation

Creating a culture of engagement means raising your own expectations about what your family can do.

The first thing to do is to increase the number of demands in the family. People can't learn to be helpful until you give them opportunities to help others.

Most families with a difficult child give up trying to ask him for help. This is quite understandable: the probable result is not worth the mental cost. The problem is that such a policy leads to an atmosphere of sacrifice rather than mutual aid. It is necessary to ask, it is useful to ask. Requests lead to further, greater mutual assistance. If you are asked to do something and you do it, you will certainly help next time. Alas, difficult children are not often asked to help; parents and teachers have long given up on this.

A request should always be polite, no matter how important it is:

I understand that in families with difficult children, not all requests are met with enthusiasm. “Yes, mom, I’ll do it right now” - you won’t hear that. Everything is fine, as it should be at first. But you should also change your tactics. Now you will not only ask more often, but you will also try to say “yes” more often.

When you receive an indifferent “no” in response to a request, do not let off steam. Smile sweetly and mutter something similar to “Well, thanks for that,” and immediately leave. Don't linger or get into a discussion. Your goal is to create a more positive atmosphere in your home, not to start a war!

Demonstrate a willingness to engage

Parents of difficult children admit that they often answer “no” because they don’t know how things will turn out. Think of it as an experiment: from “no” to “yes.”

Creating a culture of collaboration means you have to be collaborative too. Spend the day saying “yes” to your treasure. Whatever he suggests, agree with everything! It's not difficult, but it's scary. He says, “I want to go to a party,” and you say, “Great, wait, I’ll just put on my coat.” He says: “I don’t want to go to school,” and you answer him: “No question, what should we do together?” He says, “I want to fly to Africa,” and you agree: “Great, let’s think about how we can do this.” He says: “I want frog legs with ice cream for lunch,” and you again: “Great, I’ll buy ice cream, and you catch frogs.”

Is the idea clear? You agree to do almost everything with him. Most likely, by the end of the day, the child will either get tired of your compliance or seriously think about your sanity. But this kind of determination is still needed to transform a family in which everything was done under evil coercion into a family where a semblance of voluntary consent appears.

Your second task is to show your child what behavior is acceptable to you. Children copy what they see in the actions of others. Difficult children are especially sensitive to their environment. If you want to see your child calm and balanced, you yourself will have to become calm and balanced. Remember what I said about the conversation between two crocodiles.

Changing your behavior means you are no longer playing by your child's rules. This will probably confuse him. He has vast wrestling experience behind him. He knows how to behave when you are angry or trying to have your way. If your child starts to argue, quarrel, or insult you, say, “I’ll give you two minutes to calm down. If you can’t talk about this topic calmly, I’ll leave, and you’ll come to me as soon as you cool down.” If your child is still seething with anger, leave immediately. Nothing can be gained by grinding your teeth and putting up with ugly behavior, but you can lose a lot.

Some families see value in code words or gestures that mean, “Let's take a ten minute break from this argument.”

It is good if parents show wisdom, tact, and patience, correcting negative traits in the child’s character. With appropriate proper upbringing in childhood, these qualities can ensure the child's success in the future.

You have a special child. Character determines the individual style of behavior and interaction with others. Character is neither “good” nor “bad”, it only exists. The world would be a very dull place if everyone behaved the same. However, children with certain personalities are more pleasant to parents than others. The parenting style of children with difficult personalities can determine whether these qualities ultimately become an asset or a burden.
Our first three children were easy. They slept well at night, their desires were predictable and easily satisfied. Fortunately for us, they easily and simply adapted to the surrounding and unpredictable life. But when our fourth child, Hayden, was born, I was forced to reconsider my views on parenting. The only schedule she knew was her own. Her cries would rally the army. The only thing that could be predicted about her was her unpredictability. If Hayden had been our first child, we would have believed that her behavior was the result of our mistakes and inexperience in parenting. But she was the fourth child, and by this time we already knew how to take care of the child. So we learned lesson number one: babies are fussy because of their nature, not because of parental inexperience.
Why Hayden was so restless and irritable didn't matter; the question was what to do. Later we formulated the term “high-need child.” I used this term in conversations with parents who came to my office seeking advice on how to cope with their difficult babies. They liked him. And it was even taken as a compliment. This helped them develop a good, friendly feeling towards their babies.
We realized that our goal was to help Hayden adjust to life around her. Hayden needed to be taught to fit into our family lifestyle. To do this, we had to increase the demands placed on her. This would help Hayden, given our conditions, to demonstrate her various abilities. This is how we learned the second lesson: raising a difficult child begins with softening his character while the parents’ sensitivity increases.
We identified the characteristics of Hayden's character that most bothered her and us. Then we continued to work with it until we got a certain result. Hayden's intense screams softened as we carried her, so we continued to carry her. She slept well at night next to us, so we continued to put her next to us. She adapted to being constantly worn at her chest. Lesson number three: High-needs babies require a higher level of parenting. One word summed up Hayden's needs - "more."
She needed more carrying time, more nutrition, more energy to calm down—more of everything except sleep. Hayden opened up a new level of parenting for us. As she grew, she continued to need "more" from us - more patience, more physical and emotional energy, more creativity, more attention, maturity and care.
Of course, we could disrupt her internal needs and adapt her to the existing parenting style. But in this case they would have lost the battle. With this approach, Hayden would never have developed into the great leader she is today. We would not have known the joy of the fulfilling results that the anchoring method provides.

Compliance or non-conformity? The correspondence of the characters of the child and the parent (the character of the couple) influences the formation of relationships in the process of upbringing. Just as children are born with different personalities, different abilities and different levels of needs, so parents have different levels of sensitivity, complicity and empathy. Some parents automatically respond to their children's needs. Others do not find answers automatically, and their nurturing abilities take time to mature. When the child's level of need matches the level of parental response, parenting problems are unlikely, and if they occur, they are easier to solve. The character of the child influences the character of the parent, and vice versa. It is not only the character of children that creates problems, but also the character traits of parents create problems in upbringing. Some parents try to reconcile their personalities, others conflict. The more freedom a mother has in choosing methods when raising a sensitive, demanding child, the better results she achieves. She focuses on the “big things” and doesn’t waste energy on the “little things.” A tense, easily excitable mother will clash with her child's energy, and it is very likely that parenting difficulties will arise. Identify situations that lead to conflicts. An intense, overbearing parent needs to ease the pressure on their children a little. Parents who control an obedient child should give more freedom and opportunity to make independent decisions. Difficult children need most of the parenting techniques described in this book, and need them more than other children.

Stay in close contact. Difficult children do not want to obey instructions and directions - this is a feature of their character. They regard any pressure as a challenge. The goal of anchoring parenting is to help these children make decisions for themselves that are good for you and good for everyone. This child will likely become more obedient over time.

Reinforce positive factors. Explore behavior problems, rough edges in your child's personality that need to be softened. Focusing on the negative is likely to contribute to a negative atmosphere. When helping your child get rid of mistakes, emphasize what is right. Spend more time on the right traits of his personality than on the negative traits of his character. Children with difficult personalities are susceptible to negativity in the environment, which reinforces their already negative atmosphere. They need days full of positive emotions:
“Yes”, “Wonderful”, “Thank you”, “Good job”, “I approve”.

Stay positive. When raising a difficult child, the easiest way is to use “No” constantly throughout the day. Ultimately, the child picks up the negative mood of his parents, which intensifies all his behavior problems. It's harder to stay positive when your child (the only one in the group playing) is hitting the dog. Even in such a situation, you should not break into anger and complaints. Parents who perceive their child negatively/often use negative labels and the child behaves accordingly. Thus, the "bad girl" becomes a prophecy that may come true.

Don't make the problem worse. Children with difficult characters get used to labels, to the fact that they are singled out from the group only for punishment. This becomes their inherent quality. However, it does not improve behavior and may make it worse. Traditional methods of correction, such as taking a break or revoking privileges, rarely work.

Dispel anger. Grumbling, screaming, and anger increase the oppositional behavior of a difficult child; Abusive punishment, especially corporal punishment, makes a child even more uncontrollable. For example, if you demand that your child clean up his room, he perceives this as a challenge. The more you punish him, the more he withdraws and refuses to cooperate. You will eventually lose this game, so it's best not to start it.

Help your child succeed. Identify children's talents and desires. Help them learn to play a musical instrument, excel in sports, or express their talents in artistic creation. Don't leave your child alone with a problem they can't handle.

Increase the tolerance. The behavior of children with difficult characters irritates not only those around them, but also their parents. They seem to know when and where you are vulnerable. Plan one step ahead. If your child pesters you while you're on the phone, make calls when he's not around. Win “battles” with wisdom and flexibility.

Threats don't work. I asked Hayden, our difficult (high need) child, what she thought about parenting. She said, “Don't threaten me. It only discourages me from doing what you make me do.” By Hayden's logic (and she's right), she prefers to think that she makes the decision on her own. She wants it to be her choice. Threats like, “If you're not back by a certain time, I'll have to take the car,” take away her choice. Determined children do not like to be pushed into a corner.
After listening to the parents' descriptions of Nathan's behavior, we assumed that he was a high-need child who required a high level of parenting. Janet agreed: “I always thought his character would make him a king or an outlaw.” We emphasized that the art of parenting Nathan involves strict balance. They must not trample on his individuality, and yet they must allow him to work hard. We also advised Janet and Tom to choose their advisors carefully. People who don't have a child like Nathan won't understand him.

Different characters - different approaches to education
Raising children with different characters is complex, painstaking work that requires knowledge and patience. That is why we constantly emphasize that the main part of education is studying the child’s individuality in order, taking into account his character, to find a way out of any current situation. This is how we solve the issue of putting things in order in the children's room. We say to our “responsible” child: “I hold you responsible for the order in your room.” If we tell him when and how to do it, he will probably reject our demand, suspecting pressure on him. For our hot-tempered child, we turn the demand into a game: “Let's see if you can clean up the room before the timer goes off.” We give our contradictory child enough time to set him up to complete the task: “I would like to see order in your room by the evening.” Finding different approaches to different children requires a lot of creativity and energy initially, but we ultimately benefit in the form of growing understanding and cooperation.

Nature and care
A child's personality is influenced by both hereditary factors and the environment. A child who is considered “difficult” at one stage of development may, through a nurturing parenting style, become obedient in the future. As character development problems escalate and are not resolved, the child becomes increasingly uncontrollable, difficult in relationships, and chronically angry. And this is becoming a very serious problem.
Parenting should focus on more than just preventing excessive expression of anger. It should help the child develop mechanisms to independently cope with negative feelings.
Children with difficult characters need to release excess energy and express a storm of feelings. A great way is through sports or any type of physical activity. Give them more opportunities for physical play outdoors if possible. Encourage them to run or cycle. If they are indoors, play music and encourage everyone to dance or sing.

Level of need
The ultimate goal of parenting is to help the child succeed - to thrive. The term “prosperity” means more than just achieving something higher or greater. This means that the child has developed his or her physical, mental or emotional potential to the maximum. It is impossible to measure the level of potential, and therefore flourishing, so it is difficult for us to determine whether a child will ever reach his or her full potential. We are only creating the conditions for this. To truly help a child thrive, it is important to understand what we define by the term “level of need.”
Every child is born with a certain level of need, and if this level is sufficient, the child develops his full potential. He is thriving. For example, all babies need to be held, some babies require constant carrying to thrive. These babies usually come into the world with personalities that require being held for as long as they need. These babies scream if you try to refuse their demands. Toddlers whose needs are usually met receive their very first characteristic: “demanding.” In fact, "demanding" is a positive trait that helps a child thrive. If a child has high needs but cannot express them, he will not thrive. A child's signals are the key to understanding his character, and therefore his needs. Once you understand this, you will be able to respond to his requests appropriately.
The baby’s level of need determines and directs the mother’s behavior during the formation of high-level interactions. The mother, sensing the unique individuality of the child, tries to become better herself. The parent-child pair achieves harmony, and education works. If the mother is not flexible but conflicted, parent and child will not bring out the best in each other.
The concept of "level of need" does not mean that the child always receives, but that parents always give. The essence of this method is that the more you give, the more you receive. You give the child attention, care, warmth to meet the child's special needs By satisfying them, you gain skills that you did not have before, in addition, the child becomes sensitive to your guidance. You cannot control the character and abilities of your child. But you will be able to understand whether the child really has special needs and what they are. By doing this, you can enrich your life as you become more mature.

Ways to influence a child
Whether the chosen parenting technique will have a good or bad effect on your child often depends on how you apply it. Punishments such as withdrawal of privileges, which are chosen out of anger or under the influence of negative emotions, will have a negative impact on the child. The same punishment, if administered at rest and associated with genuine concern for the child's good behavior, will have the effect you want. Correct your child's behavior in a loving and sensitive way, no matter what method you use.
Create a favorable atmosphere around your child, this will change your attitude towards him. The mother of a child with a difficult character told us: “One day I created a positive atmosphere around the baby, stopped focusing on the negatives, and our mutual understanding improved.” Try using epithets that convey positive emotions, such as “energetic,” “interesting,” “challenging,” “compassionate,” “demanding,” and “sensitive.” Our experience shows that if a “difficult child” receives an “attachment” upbringing and a comfortable environment, he will certainly deserve these compliments.

Book: Your child from birth to 10 years

Many parents and teachers, when faced with difficult children, do not know how to behave with them. Disobedience is a characteristic feature of active children, but what to do if the behavior of the little mischief crosses all boundaries? Let's talk about which children are called difficult, and how parents can act to cope with their children.

Who is the difficult child

Children who are disobedient, uncontrollable, capricious, etc. are called difficult. That is, those whose behavior cannot be controlled. Such children often protest, behave selfishly, suffer from frequent mood swings and do not get along well not only with their parents, but also with teachers. According to psychologists, these children often include children who are too vulnerable and who, under the influence of life’s stresses and difficulties, cannot cope with regular stress.

It is important to understand that children do not become this way of their own free will. Therefore, there is no point in blaming them for something or scolding them. We need to look for the reasons for disobedience and help the child cope with this problem.

Most parents believe that a difficult child simply does not want to understand them, does not want to make contact and in every possible way protests against normal communication. But the reason lies much deeper. Often, to cope with difficult children, parents turn to psychologists for help. This is a truly effective way to understand the child’s psyche and find the reasons for the child’s negative behavior. But, unfortunately, not all people have the opportunity to turn to specialists. But there is always a way out! You can cope with your child and find ways to raise him on your own.

Features of raising a difficult child

There are no newborn difficult children. Accordingly, they become like this as they grow older. The child copies the behavior of his parents and begins to display the same character traits as them.

That is why, in order to cope with a difficult child, it is necessary, first of all, for the parents themselves to reconsider their behavior. Let's look at the main mistakes of parents using specific examples:

• For example, if the child’s father allowed him to watch cartoons every day until midnight, but the mother forbade this and sent the baby to bed, hysteria cannot be avoided. It is difficult for a child to understand why yesterday it was possible to watch cartoons for a long time, but today not. In cases where the pedagogical principles of parents differ, it is quite difficult for them to cope with the upbringing of their child. Therefore, it is very important that all household members adhere to the only rules established in the house and do not indulge the child’s whims.
• Also, often parents do not monitor what their child is doing, and then notice sudden changes in his behavior. For example, if a child communicated with ill-mannered children from morning to evening, then, most likely, he will quickly remember their habits and behave the same way. The lack of pedagogical principles also negatively affects the psychological state of the child, which is fraught with nervous disorders, depression and stress. Parents should monitor what their child is doing, play with him, help him explore the world, and cope with life’s problems. In this way, they will help their child become a smart, educated and, most importantly, well-mannered person.

• Difficult children often control their parents. Strange, isn't it? But that's exactly how it is. – this is their main weapon. If a child has achieved something from his parents at least once through whims, hysterics and tears, most likely he will use this psychological technique every day, and in unlimited quantities. The only way out of this situation is not to indulge such behavior. The child must understand that his methods no longer work. But parents, in turn, must tell their child how to behave so that they hear requests and respond to them.

There is a lot of information about raising children, but its essence boils down to several principles that all parents of difficult children (and not only) should follow:

• The child needs to be praised. For some reason, parents often forget about this. If a child behaves badly, he needs to be told about it, if he behaves well, he should be praised and emphasized how smart he is. Children are just building their own model of behavior and, accordingly, it directly depends on the reaction to certain actions of their closest and dearest people. It is the parents who must show the child what is “good” and what is “bad.”
• You cannot judge a child as an individual. All children are good, but in some life situations they may behave incorrectly. That is, you should focus on the actions and specific actions of the baby. For example, remind him that he is a very good boy, but at the moment he is behaving poorly. The baby, in this case, will understand that he is loved, and the reason for the punishment is his actions at a particular moment.

• You should not demand more from a child than he can. It is necessary to take into account the age and level of development of the baby.
• Punishments must be consistent. For example, if a child did not put away his toys in the evening, there is no point in punishing him in the morning, since he still will not understand why he was scolded.
• You need to calm a difficult child using an extremely calm voice. Would anyone really enjoy being shouted at?
• Leading by example is the best way to raise a child.
• Parents should have a dialogue with their child. This is especially true for older children. If a child is ready to get into arguments and defend his point of view, parents should listen to him and only then make a decision.

Dealing with difficult children is not as difficult as it seems. It is necessary to reconsider your parenting principles and follow the tips described above. As soon as the child understands that his parents are ready to meet, seek compromises and really love him, he will begin to take the first steps towards changes.