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Big family - pluses and minuses. Large families: the pros and cons of a large family in the modern world

Pros and cons of a large family - how can everyone remain an individual in a large family?

According to statistics, there are not so many families with many children in our country - only 6.6%. And the attitude in society towards such families in our time remains controversial: some are sure that many children are a sea of \u200b\u200bhappiness and help in old age, others explain the “phenomenon of large families” by the irresponsibility of individual parents.

Pros and cons of a large family
Big family - when can it be called happy?
How to remain a personality in a large family?

Pros and cons of a large family - what are the advantages of large families?

There are a great many myths, fears and contradictions when discussing large families. Moreover, they (these fears and myths) seriously influence the decision of young parents - to continue to raise the demographics of the country or to stop with two kids.

Many want to continue, but the disadvantages of having many children scare and stop halfway:

The refrigerator (and not even one) is emptied instantly. Even for 2 growing organisms, a lot of products are required daily - naturally fresh and of high quality. What can we say if there are four, five or even 11-12 kids.
There is not enough money. The requests of a large family, even with the most modest calculations, are similar to the requests of 3-4 ordinary families. Do not forget about the cost of education, clothing, doctors, toys, recreation, etc.
Finding compromises and maintaining a friendly atmosphere among children is extremely difficult. - there are many of them, and all with their own characters, habits, features. We have to look for certain “tools” of education so that the authority of parents among all children is stable and indisputable.
It is impossible to leave the kids to a grandmother for the weekend or a neighbor for a couple of hours.
There is a catastrophic lack of time. For all. For cooking, for work, for "pity, caress, talk." Parents get used to lack of sleep and chronic fatigue, and the division of responsibilities always occurs in the same way: older children take on part of the load of parents.
It is difficult to maintain individuality, and being the owner simply will not work: in a large family, as a rule, there is a “law” on collective property. That is, everything is common. And it is not always possible even for your own personal corner. Not to mention "listen to your music", "sit in silence", etc.
Traveling for a large family is either impossible or difficult. It is easier for those families who can buy a large minibus. But here, too, difficulties await - you will have to take a lot more things with you, food, again, increases in price according to the number of family members, you have to spend solid money on hotel rooms. It is also quite difficult to visit, meet friends.
The personal life of parents is difficult. There is no way to escape for a couple of hours, it is impossible to leave the children alone, and at night someone will definitely want to drink, pee, listen to a fairy tale, because it is scary, etc. The emotional and physical burden on parents is quite serious, and you have to make a lot of effort not to become strangers to each other, not to turn into servants for children, not to lose authority among them.
On the career of two at once, most often you can put an end to it. It is simply impossible to run up the career ladder when you have lessons, or cooking, or endless sick leave, or circles in different parts of the city. As a rule, dad works, and mom sometimes manages to earn extra money at home. Of course, when the children grow up, there is more time, but the main opportunities have already been missed. Children or career - what should a woman choose?

Someone will be surprised, but there are still advantages in a large family:

Constant self-development of mom and dad. Like it or not, personal growth is inevitable. Because on the go you have to adjust, rebuild, invent, react, etc.
When the baby is alone, he needs to be entertained. When there are four children, they take care of themselves. That is, there is a little time for household chores.
A large family is more than children's laughter, fun, joy for parents. Older children help around the house and with the younger ones, and are also an example for the little ones. And there is no need to say how many assistants dad and mom will have in old age.
Socialization. There are no owners and egoists in large families. Regardless of desires, everyone comprehends the science of living in society, putting up, looking for compromises, giving in, etc. Children from an early age are taught to work, be independent, take care of themselves and others.
No time to be bored. There will be no depression and stress in a large family: everyone has a sense of humor (you simply cannot survive without it), and there is simply no time for depression.

A big family - what can be hidden behind a sign and when can it be called happy?

Of course, living in a big family is an art. The art of avoiding quarrels, doing everything, resolving conflicts.

Which, by the way, in a large family a lot ...

Lack of living space. Yes, there is a myth that large families can count on the expansion of the area, but in reality everything is more complicated. Well, if there is an opportunity to move (build) a big house outside the city - there is enough space for everyone. But, as a rule, most families huddle in apartments where every centimeter of space is valuable. And the grown older child can no longer bring a young wife into the house - there is nowhere.
Lack of money. They are always lacking in an ordinary family, and even more so here. You have to deny yourself a lot, “be content with little”. Often, children feel left out at school / kindergarten - their parents cannot afford expensive things. For example, the same computer or expensive mobile phone, modern toys, fashionable clothes.
About clothes in general it is necessary to say separately. One of the unspoken rules of a large family is “the younger ones wear out after the older ones.” While the kids are small, there are no problems - at 2-5 years old, the child simply does not think about such things. But growing children are extremely negative about “wearing out”.
Older children are forced to be a support and help for parents . But this situation does not always suit them. Indeed, at the age of 14-18 years, their interests appear outside the home, and you don’t want to babysit the kids instead of walking, meeting with friends, your own hobbies.
Health problems. Considering that it is almost impossible to devote time to the health of each baby (and just a baby), problems of this kind often occur in children. Lack of vitamins and a complete diet (you still have to save almost all the time), lack of opportunities to strengthen immunity by various methods (training, hardening, swimming pools, etc.), “crowding” of family members in a small room, the inability to constantly keep children in sight ( one fell, another knocked, the third and the fourth had a fight) - all this leads to the fact that parents have to take sick leave very often. What can we say about seasonal diseases: one gets ARVI, and everyone else picks it up.
The absence of silence. The regimen for children of different ages, respectively, is different. And when the little ones need to sleep, and the older children need to do their homework, the kids from the middle age category frolic to the fullest. Silence is out of the question.

How to remain a personality in a large family - effective and time-tested rules of education in large families

There is no universal scheme of education in a large family. Everything is individual, and each family has to independently determine the framework, internal rules and laws for itself.

Of course, main landmark remains unchanged- education should be such that children grow up happy, healthy, self-confident, and do not lose their individuality.

The authority of parents must be indisputable! Even taking into account the fact that over time, the upbringing of children is divided between older children, dad and mom. The parent word is law. Anarchy in the family should not be. How exactly to build and strengthen their authority, moms and dads decide "in the course of the play" in each individual cell of society. It is also worth remembering that focusing solely on the needs, interests and whims of the child is wrong. Power is dad and mom, people are children. True, the government should be kind, loving and understanding. No despots and tyrants.
Children should have their own personal zone, and parents should have their own. Kids should remember that here their toys can “walk” as much as they like, but here (in the parent’s bedroom, on the mother’s desktop, on the father’s chair) is absolutely impossible. Also, children should know that if the parents are “in the house” (in their personal zone), then it is better not to touch them, unless there is an urgent need for this.
Parents should give equal attention to all their children. Yes, it’s difficult, it doesn’t always work out, but you need to have time - to communicate with each kid, play, discuss children's problems. Let it be 10-20 minutes a day, but for each and personally. Then the children will not fight with each other for the attention of mom and dad. How to share responsibilities equally in the family?
You can not overload your children with responsibilities - even if they are already “big”, and are able to partially unload mom and dad. Children are not born in order to later throw off their upbringing on someone. And the obligations assumed at the birth of the next baby are the responsibility of the parents and no one else. Of course, it is not necessary to raise egoists - children should not grow up as spoiled sissies. Therefore, “duties” can be placed on your children only for educational purposes and in a dosed manner, and not because mom and dad have no time.
Equally important is the priority system. You will have to learn how to quickly decide what to do immediately and quickly, and what can generally be put aside. To take on everything in a row is irrational. Forces simply will not remain for anything. Therefore, it is important to learn how to make a choice. And it doesn't have to involve sacrifice.
No disagreements between mom and dad! Especially on the topic of intra-family laws and regulations. Otherwise, the authority of the parents will be seriously shaken, and it will be extremely difficult to restore it. Children will listen to mom and dad only if they are one.
You can't compare your children. Remember, each one is unique. And he wants to stay that way. The child is offended and hurt when he is told that his sister is smarter, his brother is quicker, and even the younger peanuts are more obedient than him.

Well, and most importantly - create an atmosphere of love, harmony and happiness in the family . It is in such an atmosphere that children grow up as independent, full-fledged and harmonious personalities.

I dedicate this article to those who grew up in a large family, or to those who will soon have their own large family. Let's look at what are the positive and negative aspects of this issue.

A large family can be called the art of holding back, the art of avoiding quarrels, the art of being on time in everything.

Let's first talk about the benefits of a large family:

on an instinctive level, mom and dad of a large family show such a good quality as self-development, which makes parents want to achieve something new, that is, to grow.

Mom always has the opportunity to do her own or household chores calmly, as the children will play in a crowd themselves.

More laughter and fun is also not unimportant, and then older children will be excellent helpers, and in old age it will generally be possible to visit from one child to another.

Socialization of egoists and owners in a large family is impossible, children from birth know that they need to share, help.

Well, now let's talk about the disadvantages of a large family: (there are a little more of them than pluses):

The refrigerator quickly becomes empty - well, there is no need to explain, for a family of 6-7 or more people and a kilogram of potatoes for lunch may not be enough.

Frequent lack of money. After all, children also have requests, although not expensive, but still there are a lot of children).

It is difficult to find the key to education, because each child has his own character, habits, and mores. And when there are a lot of children, you need to try to find a middle ground in education.

It’s simply impossible to leave 6-7 children to someone) after all, there is hardly such a neighbor with iron nerves.

Lack of time for affection, love. After all, with such a crowd, there are quite a few chores around the house that are collected and taken away all day ..

not everyone has their own space. After all, big families have everything in common.

Traveling or going on vacation with the whole family is a very difficult situation.

The difficult personal life of parents, because such a crowd sorely lacks time for going to the cinema, for a walk, for dividing attention to each other, the most important thing is not to become strangers to each other

mom’s career is immediately put an end to) what kind of work can there be when you have lessons, circles, kindergarten, section, etc.

The main rules of a large family:

Teach all children that the Parent Zone and the Children's Zone are different and prevent children from invading the parents' bedroom and playing there.

Be able to give time to all children equally, otherwise it will lead to disagreement among children.

Do not force children to take on all the chores around the house. Children are not born to do everything themselves, just teach them to HELP you in SOME things and all.

Never compare children to each other.

This is the system for large families.

Contrary to the statistical tables of demographers, there are more and more large families in our country. Children are born - it's wonderful. But do they get everything they need when there are three or more babies in the house?

Traditionally in Russia big family has always been the norm. "Seven in the shops" was in the huts of poor peasants and in the mansions of wealthy people. All children, from young to old, were part of a single whole. Everyone had their own household chores. The elders worked in the field and in the garden, the middle ones looked after the kids and tended the cattle, everyone was at work. Holidays were also celebrated together.

Oddly enough, in our age of electronics and total lack of time, the institution of large families is being revived. Three or more successors of the genus are no longer a rarity, but rather the norm. Maybe the matter is in the policy of the state, which encourages a population explosion (payment of parental capital, benefits for travel by public transport, assistance from municipalities, partially paid vouchers to children's health camps, etc.)? What do psychologists say?

Big family benefits:

There are many of us, we have to reckon with other children, which means that a small person learns to take care of the younger ones, listen to the elders, and share. It is unlikely that he will grow up an egoist.
There is always work, responsibility, diligence are brought up.
If children are brought up in a healthy atmosphere, then, as adults, they continue to help each other, take care of their parents.
"Seven on the benches" – this means that parents will never feel alone. First, children, and then grandchildren - all of them will be able to brighten up old age for an elderly couple.
Where there are a lot of guys, it's never boring. There is always something to do.
Many kids - many helpers, it is easier for parents to some extent, especially if big family lives outside the city.

Cons of a large family:

Even in a large family, egoists can be brought up.
The need for work, sometimes hard, can turn your child away from work.
The problem of square meters. The apartments are crowded, often the child does not have the opportunity to be alone and his own space.
Due to the archi workload of parents, adults do not have enough time for education. Especially if the mother and father work.
The younger ones have to "wear out"for older clothes, toys, furniture. This is offensive, and can cause a growing person to envy or aggression towards elders and parents.
In dysfunctional large families, all children are in cramped life circumstances, they are starving, they study poorly, they need the help of a psychologist, teacher, physician, etc.
Unfortunately, in Russia, a family is considered to have many children, where the oldest successor of the clan has not yet reached the age of 18. And then the number of children does not decrease, and the benefits disappear.
To support a large family, you need to earn very well, because now the trend is such that one more family member is a luxury, everything is very expensive. What if there are a lot of kids?

Big family is great! But only if the parents live peacefully and raise their children in an atmosphere of mutual respect, care for each other, responsibility, hard work and love.

Love your children, no matter how many there are!

Large family: the pros and cons of education

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Traditionally in Russia, a large family has always been a normal phenomenon. "Seven in the shops" was in the huts of poor peasants and in the mansions of wealthy people.

All children, from young to old, were part of a single whole. Everyone had their own household chores. The elders worked in the field and in the garden, the middle ones looked after the kids and tended the cattle, everyone was at work. Holidays were also celebrated together.

Big family benefits:

pros and cons of a large family

Cons of a large family:

Even in a large family, egoists can be brought up. The need for work, sometimes hard, can turn your child away from work. The problem of square meters. The apartments are crowded, often the child does not have the opportunity to be alone and his own space. Due to the archi workload of parents, adults do not have enough time for education. Especially if the mother and father work. The younger ones have to “wear out” clothes, toys, and furniture for the older ones. This is offensive, and can cause a growing person to envy or aggression towards elders and parents. In dysfunctional large families, all children are in cramped life circumstances, they are starving, they study poorly, they need the help of a psychologist, teacher, physician, etc. Unfortunately, in Russia, a family is considered to have many children, where the oldest successor of the clan has not yet reached the age of 18. And then the number of children does not decrease, and the benefits disappear. To support a large family, you need to earn very well, because now the trend is such that one more family member is a luxury, everything is very expensive. What if there are a lot of kids?

Big family is great! But only if the parents live peacefully and raise their children in an atmosphere of mutual respect, care for each other, responsibility, hard work and love.

Read more:

At present, there is a contradictory attitude towards large families. Some people claim that big family- this is joy, joy, help and support in old age, while others are of the opinion that a large family is created exclusively by irresponsible parents. So are there any advantages in a large family and why is there such an ambivalent attitude towards it in Russia?

The benefits of a large family

Contrary to popular belief, the large family has many advantages and disadvantages. In families where there are several or more children, the bond with each other is much stronger and the cohesion between family members is stronger. Studies conducted in different countries have revealed very interesting facts. It turned out that people who grew up in large families are more responsive and caring towards relatives, friends and relatives than those who were the only child in the family. Also, future relationships with the opposite sex in children from a large family develop more successfully. Marriage with such a person is stronger.

It is much easier for children from a large family to achieve success in life. As a rule, they are sociable, able to find a common language, compromises, approach to people with very different characters. Another dignity of a large family- the opportunity to receive support, help at the right time from several people at once. It is also generally accepted that a large family means unnecessary expenses, expenses and financial instability. In fact, with a properly organized budget and distribution of responsibilities, a large family makes it possible to constantly have financial stability. For example, if one of the family members lost their job, they will be supported not only morally, but also financially. In a large family, household chores do not fall on the shoulders of one person, each of the relatives can be responsible for this or that work in the house. For example, one person is engaged in washing dishes, another person is engaged in ironing and washing, and a third person is shopping for groceries. In a large family, it is easier to care for and monitor, organize vacations. If necessary, there will always be someone to whom you can leave the children and take care of urgent matters. In a large family, relatives have the opportunity to share life experience with each other, to make life easier.

The older generation helps the younger ones with advice, tricks, and the younger one makes modern life comfortable, which often causes bewilderment among grandparents, and sometimes parents.

Disadvantages of a large family

A large family also requires a large space, which is often not enough. On this basis, problems often arise. Next minus big family in that food is associated with considerable costs. Food is running out fast as growing children demand a variety of fresh, quality food. The expenses in such a family are much higher than in a typical family of 1 or 2 children.

More money is spent on education, treatment, recreation and entertainment. If there are more than 2 children in a family, each of which has its own character, habits and tastes, then disagreements and conflicts often arise that have to be resolved. The lack of time is especially acute in a large family. Parents often complain about chronic fatigue, constant lack of sleep, lack of time that can be spent on themselves. In a large family, you need to pay attention to each loved one, help, talk, caress, support, etc.

Each family is a separate state with its own laws and rules. All problems will be resolved and shortcomings will become insignificant if respect and indulgence for each other reign in the family.

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