How to build the perfect relationship in the real world. How to build the perfect relationship
Love is beautiful, love is amazing, love is the best thing on this planet. But love is still a bitch. A hard daily work.
After these words, older people will begin to nod in agreement, and young lovers will plug their ears with their fingers and recite the movie "Three meters above the sky" by heart.
What can you do to make the relationship last as long as possible? Myths about love sound attractive, but what to do in reality if you want to keep passionate feelings for life?
It's amazing that everyone is asking how you got married. No one asks how you managed not to get divorced.
It turns out that there have even been studies on this topic. Their results can be taken into service and applied in practice.
Online dating not working
If you want to find the perfect partner using some kind of computer algorithm, or if you are going to look at the profiles of only those who have words you know in the “Interests” column, then you are doomed to failure in advance.
After all, studies say that similar interests do not have a significant impact on relationships. The cumulative result of 313 studies, conducted separately, demonstrates that your mutual love of films will not help to keep the marriage longer. In 2010, the level of satisfaction of spouses was studied. It turned out that the same interests of partners do not affect this indicator in any way.
When we want to meet a copy of ourselves, on it and live happily ever after, we make a big mistake.
Real life is completely different. Marrying someone just because he or she also likes to listen to Radiohead and cry is pretty stupid. Your compatibility affects the duration of your life together by only 1%.
Every couple has problems. The point is how exactly you will deal with these difficulties. In other words, it's not how you feel that matters. What matters is how you feel about your feelings. You need to find a person who expresses their emotions in exactly the same way as you.
University of Washington professor John Gottman presented strong evidence that this is what affects how long a marriage lasts. The way you behave creates an emotional pattern that forms the common space for the couple to exist.
Your concern is not to make your partner fall in love with Scarlett Johansson's game. By choosing a spouse, you automatically get his problems. The only thing you should be concerned with is how to build relationships in such a way that there are as few conflicts as possible.
Arguing is good
You can fight even over the smallest things. Seriously, it's completely normal.
Scientists believe that couples who fight more often than others over the smallest things live long and happy lives. On the other hand, those couples who fight only on the most serious occasions are more likely to get divorced.
Of course, you shouldn't swear on the first date, but research says that if you've been together for three years and hardly swear at the same time, you are most likely on the verge of a divorce.
Scientists believe that swearing and arguing is a way of showing feelings. Without them, your relationship becomes unhealthy.
You could say that Romeo and Juliet never argued. There is an answer to this too.
Romeo and Juliet is a bad example. Consider Arranged Marriage
Romeo and Juliet did not quarrel because William Shakespeare decided to kill them long before the first conflict. This couple so well symbolizes a romantic relationship only because they did not live to see a quarrel over unwashed dishes.
Passion is fast, captivating and light. But relationships are love, work and work. Instead of taking the example of Romeo, who instantly fell in love with Juliet for life, succumbing to the influence of dopamines, think of those whose marriage was arranged.
Arranged marriages are very difficult for both partners at the very beginning. But since there is nowhere to go from the submarine, both are trying to work on what they have. Studies confirm that arranged marriages are much more successful than marriages for love.
Of course, no one is advising you to enter into an arranged marriage. But it's worth learning from these people. They throw illusions away, realize that there is a lot of work ahead of them, and, rolling up their sleeves, they begin to work on relationships.
Everything that leads to success in life will help to achieve success in marriage.
We talk so much about what needs to be done to be successful in school or life. This will work in relationships too. Do you want your partner to be faithful to you? Betrayed? Be firm. Girls, look for solid, confident guys. Men, pay attention to those women whose opinion does not change depending on the direction of the wind or the weather.
It is the hardness that helps us in life that is responsible for the ability to work on complex tasks for a long time. Why is this important for relationships?
Researchers say: firmness helps to cope with circumstances and problems. And there are always problems in marriage. Those who cannot solve them give up and quit relationships, work, stop building a career.
Love won't last on its own. Feelings remain hot and passionate only because people work on it.
Is it possible to predict long-term relationships?
Can. To do this, you just need to ask the couple about their relationship. Yes, it's that simple.
Psychologists from the University of Washington found that the way partners describe their relationship can predict whether they will divorce or not, with an accuracy of 94%. You just need to carefully consider how the spouses talk about the joint past.
POORLY: We had a fight. It was terrible. To be honest, Oleg behaved disgustingly.GOOD: We had a fight. It was terrible. But we discussed this later. We seem to get along even better now than before.
Every couple faces challenges. The only difference is how you are going to perceive and interpret the experience. You know, it doesn't take much intelligence to say that a quarrel is bad, and Oleg is a fool. But you need to make a lot of effort in order to learn to appreciate not only good moments, but also bad ones, to make the most of the benefits even from conflicts and problems.
No one is happy running the twentieth kilometer of a marathon. But if you stop and do not reach the finish line, then you will definitely not be happy. The taste of victory and champagne is what will make the moment really enjoyable.
Summing up
- Similar interests won't help. The same playlists will not form the basis of a good marriage. It is worth starting to focus on emotions.
- Arguing is helpful. Negative communication is better than no communication.
- A lot of work is waiting for you. And there is no getting away from her. Don't look at Romeo and Juliet. Learn from arranged marriages.
- Be firm. Devotion. Honesty. This is what it means to be strong. This is the key to success at work and in love.
- Be grateful for the hardships. Tell your story, full of ups, downs and happiness from the fact that you experienced it all together.
The ideal relationship is the dream of many young girls. And this is quite understandable. After all, every cell of their body is filled with love for their man.
Many girls are concerned about the question of how to do so in order to build the happiest relationship and the happiest couple. Many people are trying their best. Someone focuses on understanding, someone surprises with surprises. Girls always try their best to please a guy. But the sun doesn't always shine. Sometimes there are gloomy days. And this is true for any relationship. Do not do without quarrels, insults and disputes. At such moments, girls understand how hard it is to make a guy want to stay with you even during a crisis. The best solution is to prematurely recognize the upcoming crisis in the relationship and the ability to build relationships.
Life principles help many in resolving difficult life situations.
Life principles - what are they?
Among the main principles are:- Care and attention
There are many difficulties in the life of men. Since most of them position themselves as earners, their main goal is to earn money for a living. In case of failure and lack of opportunity to earn money, men are too worried and, more than ever, at such moments they really need the help, support and care of women. They need understanding.
If a woman really loves, she should take care of her man's health, help him give up bad habits, encourage him to play sports and eat right. - Respect
The representative of the weaker sex must, of course, respect the views of her man. However, respect must be mutual. Find out what kind of relationship his parents had, what family he grew up in, what he got used to. Since very often men behave exactly like their parents. Respect should also be for his parents. Otherwise, you will not build good relationships. - Goals
Each man sets himself certain goals, but it is not always possible to achieve them. A woman should help him in this, supporting and instilling faith in him. Motivate him to reach his goal. - Love
Feelings should never be forgotten. A woman should talk about them to her beloved. However, don't try to change it. Just accept it the way it is. Let him be himself, open up. After all, these are real feelings.
As for the "English family", such couples, basically, hide everything. No matter what happens, no one will know, even relatives and friends. The couple will behave normally, play in public. But really, it's just a game. And such relationships can last a lifetime.
The "Mexican family" is fundamentally different from the British. Stormy scandals are always in full view of neighbors and friends. And quarrels in such couples occur very often. We can say that they even enjoy quarrels, since reconciliation is then very sweet for them.
Of course, these two examples are extreme. There is also a golden mean that couples must adhere to. After all, it is impossible to live without quarrels and disputes. You can’t put off work on relationships on the back burner and think that everything will pass. Girls themselves must find ways to avoid a quarrel with their loved one.
What to do if a quarrel has happened?
You can just talk frankly, because very often there is no good reason for a quarrel. Which means you don't need to think about anything. There is nothing better than a simple, frank conversation. Discuss why you drifted apart and how you can get closer. In case of a serious reason for a quarrel, it is still necessary to talk. Best of all, no blame. Just explain to the man how you feel, how bad or hurt you are.Another way to reconcile is to compromise. Since people often converge with opposite characters, they have to seek compromises all their lives, to meet halfway. A man is your relatives, your soul mate, and you simply have to give in to him, even if the fault is completely his. Sometimes pride gets in the way. But making concessions is much harder than standing your ground. This requires strength. And everything comes with age. When a couple lives life together, a man and a woman behave the same way, they know and understand each other well. But it has come with the years. And in his youth there was everything: quarrels, and misunderstanding, and concessions.
Very often there are "domestic quarrels". But at the beginning of the path, relationships are just emerging, so it is very important to preserve them and not break them into everyday life. You both grew up in different families, with different traditions. But at the first stages of building relationships, it is necessary to correctly distribute responsibilities, be able to agree on who and what duties are performed. Initially distributed responsibilities will save you from subsequent quarrels and grievances.
It is very important not to criticize your man. We are all not without flaws. You don’t like it if all your man’s friends find out about them, don’t you? Such quarrels are best avoided. To do this, it is better to agree initially, not to criticize each other. If such a situation still exists, just know how to stop your man, make it clear that you will not tolerate criticism in your direction. And at home, everything is already discussed and sorted out.
Understanding your partner is essential. Even if you are angry, even if you are in a quarrel. Understanding will always have a positive effect on relationships. Even if it is very difficult, put yourself in the place of your man in this or that situation.
In the event of a breakup or a quarrel, a decision to stay apart for some time, it is best to try to save the relationship. Being friends is the best solution. It is not necessary to limit your communication with the man with whom you broke up. It is best to avoid the wall between you. On the contrary, communicate, take an interest in each other's life. Perhaps at this stage you will even understand each other better.
Perhaps your communication will not begin immediately after parting, but after a while. In this matter, it is better not to rush and not impose on your man. Let him decide how, when and how much you will communicate and whether you will. Give him the right to have personal space, and do not invade him under any pretext.
Sometimes you can meet, go to a cafe for a cup of coffee or tea. But don't spend too much time together. Meetings will help you sort out your feelings. You will understand whether you can communicate, whether you are ready for these meetings, whether your wound hurts.
It is impossible to give a correct assessment of the situation on emotions. Your girlfriend can appreciate it best, as this is a view from the outside. You should not devote it to all the details, but it will be useful for you to find out the opinion from the outside.
Tearing photos together or sitting for hours looking at them are extremes. Getting rid of gifts is superfluous. It is better to just store them, but so that they do not often catch your eye. Otherwise, they will be reminded of it all the time. For example, do not wear jewelry given by your man.
You should also not start a new relationship immediately after breaking up. Hiding from your thoughts and feelings in the new novel will not work. You should think carefully about everything and figure out what is the reason for your separation.
Unhappy love contributes to the development of creativity. The best works of poets and writers appeared precisely during the period of love problems. They transferred their feelings to creativity.
Always remember that wounds take time to heal. Even if at first your life will seem meaningless to you without it, then after a while everything will pass, it will become easier. Understand your purpose, do what you were born for and from which you get joy and pleasure.
Ideal relationship. Fiction or reality? Each of us dreams of fairy tales in a relationship. But it doesn't always work out. The question arises why? This is because it is difficult for a woman to understand male psychology. You need to understand that the worldview of men and women is different. Relationships cannot be built on the basis of patterns. So how do we women learn to understand men?
1 A woman must be a mystery!Every man wants to have such a woman next to him, whom he wanted to comprehend every new day, as the most incomprehensible secret. So that she, with her actions, constantly surprised him. After all, a man is a hunter by nature and it gives him great pleasure to conquer a woman like a fortress. But you shouldn’t go too far with inaccessibility, because then a man can simply spread to another. 2 The foundation of a relationship is trust!
Very often, girls make one mistake that breaks all relationships. Namely, they look for some secret meaning in any words of a guy. The question is why? After all, as a rule, guys are straight people like rails, what they think is what they say. So that your relationship does not fall apart, leave your young man some personal space. It's not bad that he will have his own thoughts, secrets. If necessary, he will share with you. 3 Respect for his interests
Opposites attract and that's great. This means that one of the basic principles of mutual relations is respect for each other's interests. A man will not stop loving you if some time is his personal, he will spend it on his favorite hobby. You like shopping and gossiping with your girlfriends, but he likes the computer and hanging out with friends over a glass of beer. No one can forbid anyone to communicate with other people. So try to find common ground. four Speak more often
A man is very sad when he does not find topics for a conversation with you. After all, he wants to find in your face, in addition to his wife, also a friend. Yes, and in family life to talk, oh how useful. All omissions are clarified in the early stages and you can avoid many scandals. 5 Be wise
Show the man that he is in charge of your relationship, but at the same time, do not lose your face. Be the neck that leads the head. 6 Be a woman
Partially, this point follows from point No. 1. If a woman is like that proverb “I am a horse and I am a bull, I am a woman and a man,” then the man will sit on her neck and hang her legs. Share responsibilities when asking for help, make it interesting, like purr like a kitten. A man likes to feel courageous and strong next to you. 7 Pay attention to yourself
Every man wants to see a nice and attractive girl next to him. After all, the brain of many men works in such a way that: since she takes care of herself, it means that she will be a good hostess. But this is one of the most important principles for choosing a girl. After all, in principle, to look attractive, you don’t need much work. Just try not to upset yourself and your young man.
And in conclusion of the above, I would like to add that it is possible to achieve harmony in relations only together. Relationships need to be worked on long and productively. It is impossible to build them alone. Smile at each other more often. After all, a smile is a small happiness. Try to find something new in your loved one every day. And then every day of your relationship will be like a small holiday.
Surprise, inspire your loved one to new achievements and he will answer you in the same way.
Transfer Useful Evening and the theme of the issue How to build a relationship with a man and the path to women's happiness.
Trying to prepare a comic selection of tips for women from the "How to make your husband an affectionate kitten" series, parodying similar articles from fashion magazines, we were faced with the fact that the selection turns out to be funny, but, for some reason, not a joke. We bring to your attention tips on how to build the perfect relationship with a man.
how to build an ideal relationship with a man, step 1: what not to do so as not to spoil a man.
Do not artificially create a hobby for yourself: do not force yourself to watch gangster action and action films just because your superhero is watching them. Also, it is not necessary to watch sports news, read science fiction and releases about BMW in a new body - for men's conversations, a man still needs men, and having your own interests / hobbies will only fuel his interest in you.
How to build the perfect relationship with a man, step 2: feel like the mistress of the house.
Make it so that the remote from the TV sometimes turns out to be with you. You, too, have preferences in the world of television, and you may want to opt for a particular show. Do not respond to statements that this program is nonsense. Calmly explain to the man that: a) you are a person; b) you also live in this apartment; c) you are interested in this program and d) you will not change the channel until the program ends, even if the husband pulls out all the hair on his head.
How to Build the Perfect Relationship with a Man Step 3: Don't Become a Waitress Housekeeper.
Do not release a man from loading / unloading the dishwasher, caring for a child and doing other work at home. Does he get tired at work? Remember: not a single man will appreciate your efforts for the sake of his rest at home. Moreover, he does not even notice them. If you yourself tell him that you allow him not to deal with dishes and the child for the sake of his rest, he will only look at you in surprise with an uncomprehending look ...
How to build an ideal relationship with a man, the main rule:
The main rule of a smart wife: never create conditions for her husband to relax at home. A man is an ungrateful creature, from a kind and humane attitude he becomes spoiled and impudent.
How to build the perfect relationship with a man, step 4: be yourself.
Do not always be in shape and always ready for anything: go with him to a meeting with his friends, to a fitness club or to football. Remember, you are a man and your health is more important than running around with a man on his business. You can sometimes be sick, feel bad, you may have a headache, and, simply, today you can be annoyed and angry at the whole world (who said that being out of sorts is only a masculine quality?). Take care of yourself and love yourself.
How to build an ideal relationship with a man, step 5: love and appreciate yourself and signs of attention to your person.
Do not allow a man to afford not to buy you gifts for the holidays. Like, the candy-bouquet period is over. Once it's over, it means that the joy at the meeting, and hugs, and kisses, and everything else has ended. A wife should be psychologically kept at a distance from her husband who did not buy a gift for some time even after buying and presenting a gift.
All of the above is so simple and so difficult at the same time. By following these simple recommendations, you do not run the risk of turning your husband into an ungrateful egoist and traitor over time.
They say that perfect relationships do not exist. However, nothing is impossible. He who seeks will always find. How to make the relationship perfect, such that friends envy and take an example? What is the ideal union of two hearts in love based on?
Accepting a person for who they are
Many people in a relationship make the mistake of trying to change their partner. This is the whole paradox, because you fell in love with a person as he was. But do not forget that you are not perfect either, will you be able to change at least yourself, not to mention the other person? By accepting people as they are, you realize that each of you has your own life, and everyone is free to decide what to be and how to behave. No one owes nothing to nobody. All have advantages and disadvantages.
Understanding
In a relationship, it is important to understand a loved one, you need to be able to stand in his place, letting his emotions pass through you. Until you learn this, there will be no peace and tranquility in your union for a long time. Even if you cannot accept his point of view, you should simply be aware of why your partner did this and not otherwise. When you understand, they will understand you. All people are different. Try to keep it.
Respect
Recently, it has become the norm to raise your voice to a loved one, call him names, humiliate him, thereby showing disrespect for him as a person. Over time, negative emotions accumulate, and, as you yourself know, it is the hurtful words that are remembered in the first place, and not the good ones. When a critical moment arises, when a person needs to make a choice, will he listen to the one who constantly trampled him into the dirt with his words? There is no relationship without respect. Appreciate the person. Always thank your soulmate in time, apologize, praise, do not allow yourself to raise your voice, use obscene expressions and obscenities in your speech.
Support
You must support your loved one no matter what. No matter how crazy his idea may seem to you, no matter how stupid his act may seem to you, if he believes in him, you should also believe. You must be the source of success for your partner. You must go hand in hand with him.
Loyalty
This is, first of all, respect for one's own choice. If you decide to enter into a serious relationship, then you have realized all the responsibility. Why change after that? Here it is, your happiness! Problems need to be solved not by raising self-esteem in other people's beds, but in relationships. Sometimes just talking is enough to change the situation. Cheating can ruin relationships to the ground, destroying them. Cheating can be forgiven, but living with it is hard. Do you need such a relationship? Hardly. Loyalty is most valued. Even if you are not perfect in a relationship, you cannot restrain your emotions, you do not always understand your partner, but you are faithful, your loved one will definitely forgive you for your mistakes because, no matter what, you stay with him.
Sex
Intimate life plays an important role in the life of every person. Relationships are not the same without intimacy. Sex helps to express love and gratitude, relieves fatigue, makes the spiritual connection stronger, helps to relax, cheers up. Your loved one should feel that he is loved. Even if you get tired at work, do not get enough sleep, find the strength in yourself to at least hug your soulmate before going to bed. Physical contact is important to relationships.
freedom
Each of you should have your own space. Only in movies can people spend 24 hours a day together and not get tired of each other. In reality, everything is completely different. Be a person, no matter what. Separation also has its charm. It allows you to miss each other. Then emotions are brighter, passion is richer, kisses are stronger. In addition, in your free time from each other, you can engage in self-development and self-improvement. This will allow you to become the perfect partner for your loved one, because you will always have something to talk about.
Communication
Silence is golden, but not in a relationship. You don't need to talk all day long, but you should always have a few topics in reserve that you can discuss over a cup of coffee. You must be an interesting conversationalist. You are required to keep up a conversation, start a conversation, surprise a person with your erudition and erudition.
Love
Without feelings, all of the above is meaningless. When there is no love, it is felt. Relationships become cold and lifeless. Only when there is love in the union, there appears a desire to make the relationship ideal, such that it lasts until the end of your days, and maybe a little longer.
