How to develop an attractive eye? What is a piercing gaze and what does it mean.

We can tell a lot with our eyes. And smile, and express anger and indignation, and “drill”, and pour over with cold. And even falling in love with a glance is quite within our power. Not a single real one can do without a game of looks, without this silent, but very significant dialogue. Today we will talk about the technique of the look and how to make it mirror and radiant. About how to smile with your eyes and what a strong effect it has on men (and not only on them, by the way).

I already wrote about the power of the look in the article. It also said that for a better connection, a certain “connection” is important, when the interlocutor takes you for his person. Do you want a man to feel a kindred spirit in you? Then each of your dates should be held under the motto "You are me, I am you." Think of yourself with his head, feel with his feelings.

And, of course, emit an invisible but tangible light at eye level. They talk about this glow when they describe a person who is attractive to the opposite sex. These people know how to smile, "shine" their eyes the way small children do. Remember how children first begin to smile with their eyes, and begin to glow from the inside, and then they smile with their lips. With age, we stop smiling like that, and we do it purely mechanically, stretching our lips in a smile, while leaving our eyes motionless. People who smile with their eyes are very attractive. You have probably met these people too. With bright, luminous, lively eyes.

It's time for you to re-learn this miracle and with just one look.

How to conquer a man. Eye smile technique

1. Close your eyes and mentally hug the whole world, doing it with love. And then smile to yourself, repeating to yourself many times: "Light and love."

2. Imagine how the sun shines in your face, warming up and filling your eyes. This warm and clear light will add sparkle and radiance to your eyes.

3. Now open your eyes and smiling inwardly, repeating “light and love” to yourself and feeling the sunlight in your eyes, go to the mirror and look at yourself. You will see how warm and alive your look has become. For best results, work this technique with someone you trust. Look at the person first with your normal gaze, do the technique and look again. Ask what has changed.

This look technique is simple, but the result is amazing. Don't be afraid to look men in the eye, smiling and beaming at them. Additionally, you can apply the technique "Mirror look". It can also be called “A look into the heart”, because after such a look a warm feeling for you appears in the heart of a man. But, I want to warn you that with shining eyes you can look at everyone and everyone. But with a mirror look, you need to look only at the man you love and want to build a long and serious relationship with him!

I learned about this technique from Lisa Pieterkina, who gives quite a lot of such techniques and practices. And she warned that this technique should only be used on the man you really need and with whom you want to start a family. You can learn about Lisa and her free and paid webinars. And she can teach a lot, her energy practices have already helped many women to radically change their lives for the better.

How to conquer a man. Technique "Look into the heart"

When you sit and communicate with a man, look into his right eye and try to see your reflection there. Just do not tense up and be extremely relaxed so that your face does not turn into a frozen grimace. You should enjoy this technique. As soon as you feel tension, break eye contact. In the course of the conversation, you can look into the man’s right eye several times, holding your gaze for 5-7 seconds and peering into your reflection.

It is precisely at this moment of “gazing” that your gaze becomes motionless and does not let go. Thoughts stop jumping from one to another, the pupils dilate. The look becomes truly bewitching, and your eyes will become like a still pool, in which there are many interesting things.

You should not look into his pupil during the entire conversation, do it from time to time. Soon you will be able to get into such contact with him, as if you are one and no one else exists except for the two of you.

You can also look into the right eye during intimacy, entering into a strong resonance with a man. At this time, you can start thinking with his head and inspire him with all sorts of different thoughts on the topic of his feelings for you. Thoughts should be his, not yours. That is, not “You will be happy with me!”, But “How happy I am with her, how good I am with her!”. In her courses, Lisa talks about all this, but we can not go that far yet. It is enough to do the mirror look technique simply during normal communication with your beloved man.

Another very popular and effective practice from Lisa is the walking technique. You can read about it in the article

Be loved and happy!

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Incredible Facts

What attracts a man?

Sometimes attractiveness means more than beauty.

Then what exactly makes a woman attractive in the eyes of a man and makes him want this her?

Undoubtedly, physical beauty is an important factor. But there are things that are much more important than external beauty.

The following 10 things will uplift a woman in an unexpected way and make her attractive and desirable:

What attracts men to women

1. Her walk

It is not surprising that the first thing a man pays attention to is the gait of a woman.

The way she walks, how smoothly and easily she moves, can tell a lot about a woman.

After all, it is the gait that makes a woman feminine. The energy that she radiates at this moment attracts the opposite sex even more than her speech or what she is wearing.

Her turn of the hips, flowing hair or, conversely, a proud profile instantly attracts the attention of the opposite sex.

And, of course, if, at the same time, a woman radiates those same vibes, then a man will definitely fall into her charming nets.

2. The way she looks not at him, but straight into his soul

The eyes are the mirror of the soul.

He catches her eye. The way she looks at a man can hook him right away.

If she looks at him not judging, not judging, and not arrogant, but simply looks into his soul, this is very, very attractive to a man.

One look from such a woman can drive him crazy.

What attracts men to a woman

3. The confidence with which she does something

It's one thing to be confident - it's not what attracts men, it repels them. And it is quite another thing to be a confident woman.

The confidence she exudes makes her attractive and sexy in the eyes of a man.

Adequacy and the correct perception of one's own personality is perhaps the sexiest quality that a woman can have.

What could be more attractive than a self-confident woman who easily goes through life, knows her worth and is confident in what she does?

4. How she finds time to help others

Her willingness to help others is amazing.

When she always manages to find time to help others, this makes her a woman with a capital letter.

Kindness, tenderness and mercy is what always attracts the opposite sex.

A woman who is ready to lend a helping hand to those who need it looks much more attractive than just a woman in a beautiful dress.

Such a woman is never "too busy for others", when her help is needed, she is always ready to help.

Her sincerity and kindness is what attracts the opposite sex.

5. Her passion and love for life

Passion is always interesting. Without passion, love disappears. Without passion there is no life.

Passion for work, for your favorite business makes an ordinary person a personality.

When a woman passionately loves what she does, when her passion is an integral part of her life, it always delights. Such a woman cannot but attract the eyes of men.

Because if a woman has a passion for life, it means that she can infect a man with it.

A woman's passion for what she loves is always damn attractive.

6. When she makes a man get better

Attraction has power. This force drives us. She influences us. It is the energy that excites us, attracts and even motivates us.

He has an incentive to get better.

Perhaps the fear of losing her motivates a man to become the best version of himself.

Of course, her kind and motivating words, her support also help, and this is really what a man needs, what makes him grow as a person.

7. The way she listens

It's hard to believe how attractive you can be just by listening to someone.

However, when you realize that most people in our world simply do not know how to listen and hear others, you involuntarily begin to be imbued with respect and sympathy for someone who knows how to do this.

A man appreciates a woman who knows how to listen without interrupting, without digging, at the same time, on her smartphone and without chatting with her girlfriends.

A woman who knows how to listen and give practical advice is an attractive and desirable partner in the eyes of every man. Being a good listener increases her chances of being chosen by a man.

The ability to listen is, indeed, a very sexual feminine quality.

Attractive qualities

8. The way she shares something with a man

If a woman shares something with a man, it attracts.

After all, she does not share something, because she believes that it is right.

Or because she grew up knowing that "to share is to care." Or because she feels obligated to do it anyway.

When she shares dinner, ice cream, or a blanket with a man, she is not really sharing those things with him. She shares her experience. She shares her life with him.

9. The way she knows how to love

She doesn't like him for providing for her or for giving her some material goods or just for the fact that they experience some things together.

She just loves him the way he is. And, looking into the soul of this man, she understands that this man is worth her love.

If a woman loves you simply for what you are, without demanding anything in return, this means that she is capable of eternal boundless love. And what could be more attractive than this?

10. The way she reveals herself to a man

One of the most attractive and exciting things in a man's blood is how a woman reveals herself to a man.

When a woman opens up more than once, slowly and gradually, it catches, makes him want her even more.

An open book is of little interest to anyone.

And if a man makes it clear to a woman that she is protected, that she is safe, she, in turn, exposes her soul, thoughts and heart to him.

The look of a person is a powerful tool that can impress any interlocutor. It can charm, it can attract or reject, it enhances the possibility of manipulative influence. Negativity directed at a person can be neutralized by him. Magnetic, odic, central - these are all characteristics of that very strong gaze that only a few have.

Everyone met people who, with their resolute, concentrated, almost unbearable gaze, "driving into a corner" because it seemed that a person sees through us. Such people can subjugate anyone, they are familiar with the power that an ordinary eye can have.

Psychology may not understand the mechanisms of influence of a look on a person, but numerous studies show that there is such an impact. For example, an experiment was conducted in which participants with their eyes closed were asked to feel someone else's gaze from the back. And in most cases, this was determined accurately.

It is believed that a look can send a thought wave to the interlocutor directly to the brain. In this case, you should look at the bridge of your nose, where the eyebrows converge. This is where the nerve center is located. In Eastern philosophy, there is a "third eye". Desires, feelings or commands sent to this center will be surely perceived if the gaze has that very power. To give the eye special properties, you need to develop certain skills.

Development of the power of the gaze

Training is required to develop the required skills. They will develop their skills, and after a while the result will be noticed: the interlocutors will begin to behave a little differently when talking, requests of any plan will increasingly be fulfilled unquestioningly.

Afghan girl Sharbat Gula

Exercise with a sheet of paper

Take a sheet of white paper, preferably thick. Draw a circle with a diameter of 3 cm in its center with a black felt-tip pen and fix it on the wall so that it is at eye level. Next, you should sit opposite this circle at a distance of 1 meter and peer into the center, focusing your eyes. Do not blink or look away for one minute. Concentration is required: it is very important to imagine that energy or a beam is coming from the eyes. After a short rest, you can do a few more of these approaches.

Then you need to move the sheet a meter to the left and look at it without turning your head (with peripheral vision) for 1 minute. Hang the paper a meter to the right, look with peripheral vision in that direction. The exercise is repeated several times.

It is desirable to perform these exercises every day, and when they become easy (usually after 4-5 days), you should increase the exercise time to 2 minutes per approach. Then reduce the approaches to one, prolonging the execution. Ultimately, you need to ensure that the concentration of vision is not lost for 15 minutes at a time. Exercise will help develop a strong look.

Blue-eyed African boy

Using a mirror

Set up a mirror in front of you and peer into the reflection of your own eyes. Then you need to draw on the mirror, between the eyebrows, a small dot and look at it. You should act according to the principle of the first exercise, increasing the peering time to 15 minutes per approach. This exercise will help you withstand the strong gaze of others and sharpen your own gaze.

More advanced eye exercises

There are more complex exercises that can be performed only after completing one of the previous ones:

1. A sheet of paper, the same as in the first exercise, is attached to the wall. You need to stand near the wall at a distance of 1 meter so that the circle is at eye level. The gaze is fixed on a point, and the head is made in circular movements clockwise, and then, after 1 minute, counterclockwise. You can't get out of the circle. This is how the optic nerves develop and the muscles of the eyes are strengthened.
2. You should stand with your back to the wall, look at the other wall, which is in front. The gaze is translated left-right, up-down, zigzag, in circles. Each option is one minute long. This exercise will strengthen your eye muscles.
3. The exercise requires a candle. It is necessary to light it, sit opposite so that it stands between straightened arms. You need to look at the flame without taking your eyes off for 1 minute with 3 repetitions. Energy waves from the flame will convey strength, severity, fill the look with warmth. In this exercise, energy is not given, but received.

Each of the exercises will strengthen the look, ultimately give confidence, rigidity, steadfastness. It is important not to squint, look straight, eyelids do not expand very much. If the eyes get tired while performing, they can be washed with cold water for a quick rest.

This look lasts depending on the situation. Most often, you should not look extremely closely and for a long time at the interlocutor. You need a calm and confident look that will make you obey.

You should not use the acquired skills for evil purposes, because evil returns like a boomerang.

The magic of the look

A magical look is considered a gift that appears from birth. Most likely, it cannot be learned, it can only be possessed. Some people do not realize how powerful a tool they have under their control. The magical look is fully used by clairvoyants, healers, sorcerers.

It is lucky if the magical look is directed at a person with good positive energy, a desire to help. But it negatively affects the state of a person if they begin to scan him, pump out energy, want to harm, jinx or spoil. But you can protect yourself from it if you learn to resist the flow of negative energy.

Exercises for the development of protective properties:

1. A black dot is drawn on a sheet of paper. The sheet is hung at eye height. You need to step back 2 meters and look at the point without blinking for as long as possible until your eyes get tired. Then you should stop the exercise, rest for a couple of minutes. When performing, it is important to imagine an evil look, other people's eyes that can do harm. The main thing is to inspire yourself when doing the exercise that no one can harm with a glance, that is, damage. It is important to see the thin threads that connect the gaze with this point on the wall and understand that these threads do not harm, but only protect against adverse influences.

1. The exercise will allow you to quickly take away the energy that someone has taken. A white candle is placed on the table and lit. It is required to sit in front of her and with an instant glance try to take the energy of fire, and then give it back. The exercise is repeated several times and ends at the stage of taking energy.

Some facts

• A lingering gaze between men can be interpreted as aggression, so be careful.
• If a man and a woman look intently at each other and the woman is the first to look away, then the position of subordination to this man is fixed in her.
• If a woman is not indifferent to a man, this can be determined by her dilated pupils. However, do not confuse this with a reaction to the lack of lighting.

At all times, people attached great importance to the look. The power of the attractive eyes of the beloved was sung in verse, and the gaze clouded by heavy thoughts or burning with rage can be seen in many male portraits.

The influence of people with a piercing gaze

Often we think about why some people have a strong influence on others. If they are endowed with power, wealth or power, then everything is clear - they rely on things that are obvious to everyone.

But often people listen to the opinion of those on whom absolutely no one and nothing depends on the issue under discussion. Sometimes even those who have the right to make decisions fall under their influence. But if you look closely at everyone who attracts the attention of others, you can see that they all have one thing in common - a piercing look. The eyes of a person are the first thing that the interlocutor pays attention to, they inspire trust or dislike, and nothing can change this impression.

What does "piercing gaze" mean?

Throughout the history of mankind, special attention has always been paid to everything connected with them. In all world religions, there are ideas that higher powers are always watching every person throughout his life.

The sun was often referred to as the "Eye of God". All great people - rulers, figures of science and culture - have a piercing look in their images, whether it be a statue or a portrait. But the artists gave them different striving forward, wise awareness, anger or immense kindness, depending on their character and type of activity. This means that a piercing gaze carries powerful energy for various purposes - it can attract, repel, cause fear or delight.

Innate "magic" or acquired skill?

There is a type of people who are said to be: “he has charisma”, “she is so charming”, “he is a born leader” and so on. Someone, of course, was lucky to be born with such a gift.

A vivid example is the memorable face of an unknown girl who has a piercing look. The photo above makes a lasting impression on the viewer. But often people specifically work on themselves and make a lot of effort to highlight their strengths and hide their shortcomings. In particular, politicians and famous speakers take acting lessons, improve diction and posture. They have a special culture of movements, many of them develop a strong, confident handshake, a sincere, inviting smile with the help of special exercises. The same can be said about the development of the power of the gaze.

How to learn a piercing look?

This gaze is also often called "central" because it is important to direct it to the center of the person's face, the top of the bridge of the nose, where the eyebrows meet and the nose begins. It is here that we have one powerful nerve center, which perceives the energy directed at it.

This place in various spiritual practices is called the "third eye". And when the gaze is directed to this point on the face of the interlocutor, mental orders or suggestions of certain emotions and desires will lead to the goal - they will cause an appropriate reaction. An important condition is that it is necessary not only to look at the bridge of the person's nose, but to direct the magnetic "central gaze". Of course, not everyone has such a skill; this requires the presence of certain skills. For their development, it is necessary to perform simple exercises every day.

How to make a piercing look?

In the morning, after all the daily procedures, you need to stand in front of the mirror and look at the central part of your face in the reflection. Then you should focus on your feelings and sincerely, mentally directing a ray of light into the "third eye", wish you a good day, success or achievement of some specific results during the day. Then “swap places” with the reflection and mentally accept, expressing your gratitude in return. To perform the second exercise, you will need a candle, any, tea or even souvenir, will do to decorate the cake. It is necessary in a quiet, calm atmosphere to look at the flame of a candle, mentally exchanging energy with it, staring at the fire. You can start with one minute, gradually increasing the time. These exercises will develop a piercing gaze and teach you to focus on the flow of outgoing energy to achieve results. The third exercise is aimed at developing the ability to hold the gaze for a long time at one point without blinking. It is necessary to draw a circle with a diameter of about 1 cm on a sheet of A4 paper, fix the sheet at the level of the face and look at this circle from a distance of 2 m. It is important to imagine how energy comes out of the eyes. You can not blink or look away from the circle for a minute, gradually increasing the time.

In what cases can a piercing gaze be used?

The ability to manage your gaze is useful in all areas of life. The seller can win over the buyer, draw his attention to his product and, finally, convince him to make a purchasing decision. You can instill a desire to possess some thing, experiencing the pleasure of it. Of course, this technique will be effective only in conjunction with competent sign language and a well-structured conversation. Parents, using a piercing gaze, can convey their emotions to the child: delight, admiration for his success or, conversely, dissatisfaction, even anger in case of bad behavior. This method in the family works the better, the stronger the emotional ties. And there is no opportunity to express feelings in words or deeds as often as it is necessary for the child. For example, a baby is worried at a matinee in the garden, his mother cannot take his hand and suggest the words that he forgot - but he feels a piercing loving look and calms down. Or a schoolboy shouts too loudly while playing with friends, and to reprimand him means to undermine his authority in the company. One dissatisfied look - and the child behaves more quietly. Often the power of a piercing gaze is used unconsciously in important life situations.

The magic of a look in a relationship between a man and a woman

Folk wisdom says: "the eyes are the mirror of the soul." They reflect the true feelings of people, which is why they have been given such importance for a long time. In ancient times, it was considered indecent to look directly into the eyes of elders or strangers, and as a sign of respect, "keep your eyes down." Girls were forbidden to look at men; many nations still have a tradition of covering a woman's face outside the home. This is due to the great attractiveness of women's eyes. At all times, the piercing gaze of a girl meant sympathy, interest and an offer of acquaintance. There are whole rituals, “playing with the eyes”, which every daughter of Eve knows and uses from birth. For example, looking sideways, she intrigues a man, and a “shooting” look kindles his curiosity.

What does the gaze of a man mean?

Often, what means interest for a woman, the representatives of the stronger sex see as a challenge. They are used to assessing the world around them in terms of danger, and the direct piercing gaze of a man is often a manifestation of aggression since cave times.

But that doesn't mean they don't use it to get attention. Vice versa! A man is a hunter by nature, and a gaze directed at a woman is a kind of “declaration of intent”.

In order to effectively use the power of the gaze, you must learn to control your emotions. If a person experiences positive emotions, then there is nothing wrong with sharing them with others when his eyes radiate joy and warmth. But it is impossible to calm someone down with a look when they are angry, annoyed or afraid.

Padding around the form

What does mutual attraction depend on? Why does love at first sight occur? Why are we drawn to some people like a magnet, while other people, no less attractive and attractive, do not arouse any feelings in us? All these questions are answered by a psychologist, a follower of the Jungian school, Peter Ignatiev.

- What, from your point of view, can explain the irresistible attraction to another person?

Our subconscious is much more responsible for our likes and dislikes than our consciousness. When we are strongly drawn to someone, and we cannot explain our feelings from a logical point of view, it means that in this situation we are guided by subconscious impulses. It should be noted that our subconscious controls our behavior, our thoughts, and especially our feelings, much more strongly than is commonly thought. The psychiatrist-analyst Carl Jung wrote about the enormous role of the subconscious in human life. That is why it is so difficult for us to resist our own feelings and control them.

And what guides our subconscious, choosing from all the people who surround us, one - with whom we fall in love?

In order to answer this question, you need to know what the main tasks of the subconscious are. The number one task of the subconscious is to protect our personality from stress and destruction. The task of the subconscious mind number two is to push a person to improve his own personality and reveal all its facets, because the more perfect the character of a person, the easier it is for him to adapt and adapt to the environment. Therefore, we are subconsciously attracted, first of all, to those people who complement us in some way, that is, they have character qualities that we do not have, but which would be very useful to us. This explains the fact that many people who suffer from their own timidity and shyness are drawn to self-confident and strong personalities. But, at the same time, we, as a rule, like people who are at least a little like us - if two people have absolutely nothing in common, then they can hardly have not only love, but even minimal interest in each other . Therefore, those who believe that attraction arises between two opposites are not entirely right. Most often, a strong attraction occurs between people who complement each other as much as possible in terms of character traits and push each other to self-improvement, as well as to get rid of complexes and internal conflicts.

“All my men with whom I fell in love were fond of certain sports,” says Yulia, a teacher in elementary grades, 48 ​​years old. - My first boyfriend, whom I fell in love with when I was already studying at the Pedagogical Institute, was an avid football player, but not particularly bright with intelligence. I had nothing to talk about with him, but because I admired his football victories, our relationship dragged on for three years, until I was convinced that this was definitely not my man. Then I had a few more novels with guys-athletes. My husband, with whom we have been happily living together for 23 years, is a judo coach. You know, this is my predilection for athletes, not only I noticed it, my relatives and friends eventually paid attention to it. It was only through introspection that I realized what it was all about. But it turned out that back in school, my favorite subject was physical education, and I dreamed of becoming an athlete. But my parents categorically told me that (as they believed) a future wife and mother had no place in big-time sports, and my dream was nipped in the bud. It turns out that in my beloved men I have been looking all my life for what I have lost in myself.

- Doesn't our consciousness influence our choice of a partner in any way?

Certainly it does. The conscious decisions we make are called rational, rational decisions. True, each person manifests rationalism to a different degree: there are people who tend to always go on about their feelings and emotions, and there are people who are able to step over even a very strong feeling for material gain or for the sake of principles and beliefs. But, since our subconscious is a rather strong component of our “I”, the unsatisfied subconscious desires sooner or later take their toll. For example, such a common situation. A young woman dreams of breaking out of poverty so that she does not need anything, and therefore deliberately enters into a marriage of convenience, naively believing that she will “endure, fall in love”. But, as life experience shows, such marriages are extremely rarely happy. Sooner or later, despite complete financial security, a woman living with an unloved husband begins to feel unhappy and eventually gets a lover.

But what if the man whom the woman married for convenience turns out to be a good person? After all, they say that marriages of convenience are sometimes extremely successful.

The thing is, arranged marriages are different. I mean, if you take into account such important points as the similarity of your characters, emotional compatibility and community of interests when choosing a partner for marriage, then such a calculation may well justify itself. If you only care about how rich and successful your partner is, then nine out of ten that the problems that will inevitably arise in your marriage will outweigh the material benefits.

If you are going to marry, whether for love or for convenience, you cannot ignore the advice of intuition, because intuition is the voice of our subconscious. And if intuition screams at you that the person with whom you want to connect your fate is not suitable for you, then you better listen to her voice!

Just do not confuse the subconscious and intuition with such irrational concepts as telepathy or clairvoyance. In fact, everything is much simpler: our subconscious, in the process of communicating with a person, captures even the most insignificant nuances of his behavior - facial expressions, looks, gestures, voice intonations - and on the basis of this makes unmistakable conclusions about this person. While consciously we perceive and analyze far from all the important information that comes to us from the people around us.

Why do many people tend to step on the same rake, that is, choose the same type of partners throughout their lives? With what it can be connected?

With stereotypes that are embedded in the subconscious of each of us. These stereotypes depend on upbringing, as well as on the experience gained by a person in childhood and early adolescence. Gradually, under the influence of the acquired experience, a person forms ideas about the representatives of the opposite sex and about relationships with them, and also forms the image of an ideal partner. This image largely depends on the self-esteem of a person. So, people with low self-esteem tend to choose strong and powerful partners, to whom they obey and look at “from the bottom up”. Whereas people with a narcissistic personality and high self-esteem subconsciously choose weaker partners who can be controlled and pushed around. In a word, each person is looking for a relationship in which he feels most comfortable psychologically, and which does not contradict his subconscious beliefs and stereotypes.

Sometimes, when people complement each other perfectly, they get hung up on each other and stop noticing the world around them. Do you think this is good or bad?

This usually happens when both partners are introverts. If one of the partners is an introvert and the other is an extrovert, then such a situation, as a rule, does not arise. But if this situation still happened, then this is not very good. In addition to love relationships, a person must definitely devote time to family and friendships. Just think what stress a person can experience in the event of parting with a love partner, if he does not even have a close friend to complain about his grief!

Why is it sometimes difficult for us to part with a person whose relationship brings us mental suffering?

To understand why we cannot leave a person who does not treat us the way we would like, we first need to figure out why he attracted us so much. As I said before, we tend to subconsciously reach out to people who are somewhat similar to us. Moreover, we may not even be aware of this similarity. According to Jung's teachings, each person has a part of the personality, called a "shadow", which he is not aware of in himself. Our "shadow" is those qualities of character that are present in us, but we do not want to admit this to ourselves, so as not to destroy the positive image of our own "I". By the way, these are not necessarily bad qualities, but we, because of our upbringing and principles, may consider them bad. And when we discover these very qualities in another person, we fall in love with him, start a relationship with him, and when he begins to show these qualities in relation to us, we do not leave him, but try to forgive and justify, thus justifying ourselves. For example, a young girl was brought up by strict and demanding parents who taught her that she needed to be hard-working and not pursue life's pleasures and entertainment. And although deep down the girl would like to sometimes spend time in bars and nightclubs, her strict upbringing does not allow her to do this. And now she meets a guy - a goofy and merry fellow who does not get out of nightclubs, and falls madly in love with him, and then marries him. It is likely that the girl will live with this guy all her life and will suffer from his regular late arrivals at home and from his eternal gatherings with friends. But she will not leave him and will try to justify, subconsciously feeling a kindred spirit in him. But this is the worst case. And in the best case, a girl, under the influence of a guy, will gradually become liberated, get rid of complexes and learn to enjoy life. And the guy, in turn, thanks to the influence of the girl, will take up his mind and become more serious.

- That is, there is no predictable ending for the relationship, and everything depends on the partners themselves?

Of course. Even with a not very good start to a relationship, a happy ending can never be ruled out. But keep in mind: a happy ending is possible only under one condition - if the partners are aware of their shortcomings and try to change for the better. I know many cases when, for the sake of a loved one, people radically changed their behavior and lifestyle, and even gave up long-term bad habits. In general, the higher the readiness of a person to work on himself and change, the more chances he has for a happy personal life. As far as I have noticed over many years of my psychological practice, family relationships are the worst for people who consider themselves ideal. Having too much self-esteem is just as bad as having too little. Only when a person is engaged in self-knowledge, perfectly sees his strengths and weaknesses, but at the same time does not lose love for himself and self-respect, can he truly love, accept and make his partner happy. Padding around the form