Inappropriate riddles. Riddles from the magazine "Murzilka" Who is in the pouring rain

2. All piz @ a, and one ride.
(Husband is on a business trip.)

3. Everyone rides, but one piz @ a.
(Husband got hit by a trolleybus.)

4. All piz @ a, no one riding.
(The trolley bus fell off the bridge.)

5. A boy and a girl in the grass were doing something on "E".
(Eat strawberries.)

6. How many Negroes does it take to bury a man?
(Five. Four carry the coffin, and the fifth goes in front with a tape recorder.)

7. About 40 million people do THIS at night. What it is?
(Internet)

8. Crawling down the hill, running up the hill.
(Snot.)

9. A woman stands on the floor, opening her hole.
(Stove.)

10. Get up, reach the sky.
(Rainbow.)

11. There is a board in the teeth, longing in the eyes.
(The peasant fell into a village push.)

12. What can not be eaten for breakfast?
(Lunch and dinner.)

13. Without arms, without legs for a woman lope!
(Yoke.)

14. Jumps smartly and eats carrots?
(Bubka is on a diet.)

15. Who doesn't get their hair wet in the pouring rain?
(Bald.)

16. Not a rooster, but sings, not a grandfather, but a grandmother, who is this?
(Philip Kirkorov.)

17. One wheel thousand wings - what is it?
(Wheelbarrow with manure.)

18. What is it: a hard one is inserted into a soft one, and the balls dangle nearby?
(Earrings.)

19. Two women at the fence: one is glued, the other is sewn ... What should be done with them?
(Tear off the first, tear off the second.)

20. Red, long, 21?
(Tram.)

21. What is blue gold?
(Beloved wife got drunk.)

22. What is excited by Koch's wand?
(1. tuberculosis; 2. Koch's wife.)

23. What unites burnt bread, a drowned man and a pregnant woman?
(Didn't get it out...)

24. Two rings, two ends...
(Very fancy New Russian.)

25. A dead man lies in the desert. Behind the shoulders is a bag, on the belt is a flask of water.
For many kilometers around there is not a single living soul.
What did the man die of and what was in his bag?
(The man died from hitting the ground, and in the bag is a parachute that did not open.)

26. What is the difference between a teacher and a pedophile?
(A pedophile truly loves children.)

27. The 12-storey building has an elevator.
Only 2 people live on the ground floor, from floor to floor the number of residents doubles. Which button in the elevator of this house is pressed more often than others?
(Regardless of the distribution of residents by floors, button "1".)

28. With onions and eggs, but not a pie?
(Robin Hood.)

29. Pinocchio, Malvina, an honest customs officer and a filthy cop are riding in a compartment.
They play cards, there is a lot of money in the bank, the train enters the tunnel.
After leaving the tunnel, the money disappeared. Who stole the money?
(The cop is filthy, because the first three do not exist in nature ...)

30. Where does the snowman come from?
(From ZIMBABwe.)

31. Which country is the most armed?
(Israel, ... everyone walks there with sawn-off shotguns.)

32. What is it - the color of lilac, sees back the same way as forward, and jumps higher than the bell tower?
(A white blind horse, because the lilac is white, and the bell tower is not at all
jumps.)

33. What is it: the eyes are afraid - the hands are doing.
(Sex on the phone.)

34. Small, yellow under the bed lies, on the "Z" begins.
(Kopeck. Why on "Z"? Rolled up ...)

35. A three-letter word that any man is afraid of?
(More!)

36. What is: the kindest ghost in the world with a motor?
(Zaporozhets.)

37. A loves B, B loves C?
What to do A?
(Find another B.)

38. What is it: there is a head, there is no head, there is a head, there is no head?
(Lame behind the fence.)

39. They buried a prostitute, they wrote on the tombstone:
"Now they will always be together." Who are they?
(Legs.)

40. How good it is for you and me, I am under you, and you are on me.
(Hedgehog carries an apple.)

41. What is it: flies and glitters?
(A mosquito with a gold tooth.)

42. What is: 90/60/90?
(Speed ​​with a traffic cop.)

43. Stop log in case of emergency braking.
(Pillar.)

44. Earrings for simpletons.
(Noodles.)

45. Arithmetic mean between a bicycle and a motorcycle?
(Moped.)

46. ​​Hanging on the wall, green and beeping.
(Herring. Hanging on the wall because I hung it there, green because I painted it, and squeaks so that no one would guess.)

47. Gets out of the water, eight tits, three p@#dy (Eight-tit trip@#dec.)

48. Hanging between the legs, stinks and yells?
(Motorbike.)

49. What does a woman have on her body, a Jew has on her mind, is used in hockey and on a chessboard?
(Combination.)

50. What question no one will ever answer "yes" to?
(Sleeping to the question: "Are you sleeping?")

51. How can you walk while sitting?
(In the toilet - on the toilet.)

52. With scales - but not a fish, with p # $ doy - but not a woman, with wings - but not a bird.
(Scaly n#$ winged.)

53. When is a person in a room without a head?
(When he sticks it out of the window into the street.)

54. What is the three-letter word now most often written on the walls of toilets in schools and universities?
(You yourself X#@! The correct answer is WWW!)

55. Which social group has critical days twice a year?
(Students.)

56. When the goat is seven years old, what will happen next?
(The eighth will go.)

57. Around the water, and in the middle of the law. What it is?
(The prosecutor is bathing.)

58. Can a man marry his widow's sister?
(Not.)

59. Why is a hat worn?
(Because she doesn't walk herself.)

60. Small, yellowish, poking around in the ground.
(The Vietnamese is looking for a mine.)

61. Small, yellowish somersaults in the sky.
(Found!!!)

62. Why do you go to bed when you want to sleep?
(By gender.)

63. Can an ostrich call itself a bird?
(No, he can't talk.)

64. What should be done to keep four guys in one boot?
(Remove one boot from each.)

65. He left his grandfather, and left his grandmother ...
(Sex.)

66. What is it: power lies, and water runs?
(The deputy is given an enema.)

67. What is it - green, press the button - red?
(Frog in the mixer.)

68. Cross-eyed, small, in a white fur coat, in felt boots?
(Chukotka Santa Claus.)
69. What is it: gold coins fall from a branch?
(Common in the land of fools.)

70. What do blacksmiths forge in the forest?
(And x#d knows him!)

71. Dry wedge, wet wedge?
(Wet wedge, damn it!)

72. The goose barked all over Russia.
(Swan.)

73. What is: two bellies, four ears?
(Cat wedding.)

74. Wrinkled Titus amuses the whole village.
(Lack of youth in the countryside.)

75. How many eggs can a woman hold in one hand?
(Both.)

76. Why is it warm for women in stockings in winter, and cold for men in jeans?
(Because the men have a heater x@#vy, and the women have a [email protected] date.)

77. What can you throw off a naked secretary?
(The naked boss.)

78. What is it: walks on the wall and plays?
(A fly with a player in its ears.)

79. When a woman lifts her leg, what do you see?
Five letters, starts with P, ends with A.
(Heel.)

80. How fast must a dog run in order not to hear the sound of a frying pan tied to its tail?
(The dog must stand. This task in the company is immediately revealed by physics:
the physicist replies that she needs to run at supersonic speed.)

81. There is a bald hedgehog - how old is he?
(18 - he is taken to the army.)

82. I take it in two hands, put it between my legs, sweat for five minutes, and then go crazy.
(Exercise bike.)

83. What are you looking at me, undress, I'm yours.
(Bed.)
(Option: Hanger.)

84. The hairy head flies deftly over the cheek.
(Toothbrush.)

85. Black around, red in the middle.
(Radish in the ass of Negro.)

86. Black around, white in the middle.
(The radish is there, only bitten.)

87. The letter H. is called, P. will see rising.
(The trunk takes food.)

88. With claws, not a bird, flies and swears.
(Electrician.)

89. Hanging, standing, cold, hot.
(Shower.)

90. You remember it a little, it will be hard as a potato.
(Snowball.)

91. Small, gray, like an elephant.
(Baby elephant.)

92. What is it: sitting on the ceiling, chewing on a light bulb?
(Ceiling lamp-biter.)

93. Who is this: six wings, seven x#s?
(Six-winged seven...)

94. One hundred clothes and all without fasteners.
(Bum.)

95. A hunter was walking past the clock tower. He took out a gun and fired. Where did he get to?
(To the police.)

96. Nourishes in autumn, warms in winter, amuses in spring, cools in summer.
(Vodka.)

97. Where does the chicken go when crossing the road?
(On the other side of the road.)

98. A boy fell down 4 steps and broke his leg. How many legs will a boy break if he falls down 40 steps?
(Only one, because the second one is already broken.)

99. What is it: a little bald one runs through the forest?
(Hedgehog. Why is he bald? Escaped from Chernobyl.)

100. He does not bark, does not bite, but does not let him into the house.
(The wife does not let the drunken husband in.)

101. From what dishes you can not eat anything?
(From empty.)

102. Four brothers stand under one roof.
(Mafia.)

103. Who is this - small, lives in the earth, begins with "Sch"?
(Servyachok.)

104. White, not sugar. Cold, not ice.
(Dead body.)

105. What word always sounds wrong?
(The word "wrong".)

106. Ivashka stands on one leg.
(Disabled person.)

107. Why does pop buy a hat?
(Because they don't give for free.)

108. Under what tree does a hare sit when it rains?
(Under wet.)

109. What is common between money and a coffin?
(Both are first boarded up, and then lowered.)

110. Two ends, two rings, and carnations in the middle.
(Victim of a maniac.)

111. Which wheel does not spin when turning right?
(Spare.)

112. What is it: small, black, beating against glass?
(Baby in the oven.)

113. How many babies will fit in a double stroller?
(And this, depending on how to chop ...)

114. What is: hanging on the wall and crying?
(Climber.)

115. Red head - works smartly.
(Woodpecker.)

116. What is it: first white, then vzh-zh-zhik, and red?
(Poodle of a neighbor in a mixer.)

117. Without windows, without doors, and inside is a Jew sitting? What's this?
(Sarah is pregnant.)

118. What is it: small, green, stands on the panel?
(Prostitute from another planet.)

119. Hanging on a rope, called "Z".
(Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya.)

120. Who will get to the refrigerator faster - a mouse or an elephant?
(Mouse. She will arrive on a bicycle.)

121. How to find out if there is a mouse in the refrigerator without opening it?
(There should be a bicycle by the refrigerator.)

122. What is: green, bald and galloping?
(Soldier at the disco.)

123. What is it: blue, big, with a mustache and completely stuffed with hares?
(Trolleybus.)

124. Hair, hair ... and a sausage in the middle.
(Corn.)

125. Three turtles are crawling along the plane.
One says: there are no turtles in front of me, and two crawl behind me.
Another says: there is one turtle in front of me and one behind me.
The rest says: two turtles are crawling in front of me and two behind.
Question: In what case can this be?
(Answer: In case the third turtle is pi$#it.)

126. Small, yellowish, opens the door with himself.
(Bruce Lee.)

127. What is the difference between a young bachelor and an old one?
(The young bachelor cleans up his house to invite a woman, and the old one invites a woman into the house to clean up.)

128. Winter, forest, everything is covered with snow. On a large icy stump lies a crushed member. What's this?
(Winter finally came.)

129. Small wrinkled, there is in every woman.
(Highlight.)

130. How many peas can go into one glass?
(Not at all, because peas do not go.)

131. A hedgehog runs across the lawn - drags along, laughs. Why does he want?
(Because weed tickles pussy.)

132. A hedgehog runs across the lawn - cries. Why is she crying?
(The grass has been cut.)

133. Two nails fell into the water. What is the surname of a Georgian?
(Rusted.)

134. A hippopotamus flew across the sky, and a hunter with a gun ran after him on the ground.
The hunter fired, and the hippo fell on him. Who is left alive?
(Elephant, because he flew out later.)

135. How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
(None. It's a hardware problem, programmers don't fix it.)

136. Name a word that has 40 vowels.
(Magpie (forty "A").)

137. There is only one in the sky, There is none in the earth, And a woman has two of them.
(Letter B.)

138. How do day and night end?
(Soft sign.)

139. We guys are daring, we climb into the gaps in the genitals.
(Cockroaches.)

140. What is it: hangs on the wall and smells?
(Clock: the cuckoo died in it.)

141. What is it - a small, white blood sucks?
(Tampon.)

142. What is it - sits on a tree, black and croaks? For the letter Sh.
(Crow. Why on Sh? Because she pretended to be a hose.)

143. What is it - small, white, flies and buzzes? to the letter B.
(Fly. Why on B? Because the blonde.)

144. Quietly came up behind, Twice put it in and went.
(Slippers.)

145. Hair on hair, body on body - a dark matter begins.
(Eye closes.)

146. What is - 100 x%ev and one rope?
(Barge Haulers on the Volga.)

147. What is - 100 ropes and one x% d?
(Paratrooper.)

148. What is - 100x%ev and 100 ropes?
(Barge haulers on parachutes.)

149. What is it:
Runs along the ceiling, sucks lamps?
(Ceiling lamp pump.)

150. Hanging - dangling, called in three letters. In the middle "U".
(Shower.)

151. What is:
Two ends, two rings?
(Gay wedding.)

152. Why did Lenin walk in boots, and Stalin in boots?
(On the ground.)

153. Why don't elephants fly?
(By air.)

154. How does a person differ from a locomotive?
(The locomotive first whistles, then moves off, and the person first starts off, and then walks and whistles.)

155. Black on top, red on the inside.
How to shove - so beautiful.
(Galoshes.)

156. Consists of three letters,
Starts with "X"
When it's worth working
When he finishes, he bows.
(Chor.)

157. What a fellow
dripping from the end in the morning?
(Samovar.)
(Option: Water faucet.)

158. Who is:
He doesn’t shoot himself and doesn’t give to others?
(Alexander Matrosov.)

159. Hanging pear - you can not eat.
(Alien pear.)
(Option: Aunt Grunya hanged herself.)

160. Two turtles (male and female) walk in love along the shore holding each other by the paws. An hour later, only the male returns. Where is the female?
(She stayed there - he forgot to turn her over.)

161. Two men are on different sides of the earth. One walks a tightrope over a cliff while another gets a blowjob from a 70-year-old woman. Both men have one

And the same thought. Which?
(Do not look down.)

162. Creeps, crawls - a stone will eat. Crawling again, crawling - the stone will eat.
What it is?
(Rockstone.)

163. Creeps, crawls - the tree will eat. Crawling again, crawling - the tree will eat.
What it is?
(Rockstone. He eats trees.)

164. In a dark room, on a white sheet - two hours of pleasure.
(Movie show.)

165. What is Adam in front and Eve in back?
(The letter a".)

166. Why do girls in Paris have red hair?
(On the ground.)

167. Two backs, one head, six legs. What it is?
(Man on a chair.)

168. How is the first floor different from the ninth?
(From the first floor you will fall: “Boh! - A-ah!” And from the ninth floor, “Ah! - Wham!”)

169. Scarlet sugar itself, green velvet caftan.
(Negative on color film, depicting the "new Russian".)

170. There-here-back:
You and me are happy.
(Swing.)

171. A multi-colored yoke hung over the river.
(A sign of the beginning of madness.)

172. What is the difference between a tractor and a tomato?
(The tomato is red, and the tractor door opens outwards.)

173. What is it:
sits on the window, speaks French?
(Frenchman.)

174. The more of them, the less weight. What's this?
(Holes.)

175. What is the difference between a horse and a needle?
(First you sit on a needle, then you jump, and first you jump on a horse, then you sit down.)

176. What is:
Black, square, hairy on the nightstand?
(TV [n $% doy covered].)

177. Black dog does not bark,
does not bite, but does not let into the house.
(A dead black dog blocking the entrance to the house.)

178. Pet, begins with a "t".
(Cockroach.)

179. Pet, begins with "d".
(Two cockroaches.)

180. Pet, begins with "s".
(Just one cockroach.)

181. What is:
Black - on one leg?
(One-legged negro.)

182. What is:
Black - on two legs?
(Two one-legged blacks.)

183. What is:
Black - on three legs?
(Piano.)

184. What is:
Black - on four legs?
(One-legged negro at the piano.)

185. Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with cotton wool?
ANSWER: Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.

186. What is easier to unload - a dump truck with bricks or with babies?
ANSWER: With babies - since they can be unloaded with forks ...

187. Small, pink, beating against glass...
ANSWER: Baby in the oven

188. What is green and flies?
ANSWER: This is a flying green tomato.

189. And what is black and crawling on the ground?
ANSWER: This is the shadow of a flying green tomato.

190. What is a happy ending?
ANSWER: Member after sex.

191. What cannot be done in space?
ANSWER: hang yourself!

192. What is one hundred x...-one p...?
ANSWER: This is x ..., but when a hundred p ... and one x ... is p ......

192. He left his grandfather, and left his grandmother.
ANSWER: Sex

193. Why do you need an orgasm?
ANSWER: In order not to get fucked to death.

194. Green, bald and jumping?
ANSWER: Soldier at the disco

195. What is 90-60-90?
ANSWER: Riding past the traffic cop.

196. And what is 60-90-60?
ANSWER: This is a pregnant eleven-year-old girl.

197. Grain that has passed through fire, water and copper pipes.
ANSWER: Moonshine

198. Klyauznik, writer of anonymous letters.
ANSWER: Onanist

199. The new name of the American president's favorite musical instrument.
ANSWER: Sexophone

200. What do a diver and a cook have in common?
ANSWER: Both of them have to dip their eggs into the water from time to time.

201. What is the difference between a woman's breasts and a toy railway?
ANSWER: Nothing: both are designed for children, and dads play with them.

202. How do day and night end?
ANSWER: A soft sign.

203. What is it: small, green, stands on the panel?
ANSWER: Prostitute from the MOON

204. Eyes are afraid - hands do?
ANSWER: Phone sex

205. If all the women sit on the twine, what will happen?
ANSWER: The earth will be covered!

206. A boy fell down 4 steps and broke his leg. How many legs will a boy break if he falls down 40 steps?
ANSWER: Just one, because. The second one is already broken.

207. What is common between money and a coffin?
ANSWER: Both are first nailed down, and then lowered.

208. How to put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
ANSWER: Open the refrigerator, put a giraffe in it, close the refrigerator.

209. How to put an elephant in the refrigerator?
ANSWER: Open the fridge, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in there, close the fridge.

210. The lion called all the animals to a meeting. All showed up except for one. What is this animal?
ANSWER: It's an elephant. He's in the fridge.

211. You need to cross a wide river that is infested with crocodiles. How will you do it?
ANSWER: Swim. After all, the crocodiles are all at the meeting with the lion.

212. Little wrinkled, is there in every woman?
ANSWER: highlight

213. Why do women scratch their eyes in the morning?
ANSWER: Because they don't have eggs

214. A plant that knows everything?
ANSWER: fuck

215. How do women's legs differ from men's?
ANSWER: Between the male legs, the eggs are the same, and between the female legs they are always different

216. What is the last thing that comes to the mind of a beetle flying into the windshield of a moving car?
ANSWER: His ass

217. What is it: power lies, but water runs?
ANSWER: The deputy is given an enema

Who doesn't get their hair wet in the pouring rain? (Bald.)

Jumping smartly and eating carrots? (Grandma is on a diet.)

What can't be eaten for breakfast? (Lunch and dinner.)

There is a plaque in the teeth, longing in the eyes. (The peasant fell into a village push.)

Get up, reach the sky (Rainbow.)

There is a woman on the floor, opening her hole. (Stove.)

Crawling down the hill, running up the hill. (Snot.)

About 40 million people do THIS at night. What it is? (Internet)

Estimate!!! Scientists have come up with such a device with which you can pass through the walls ... And they finally called it original ... (Door)

Earrings for simpletons. (Noodles.)

Stop log in case of emergency braking. (Pillar.)

What is: 90/60/90? (Speed ​​with a traffic cop.)

What is it: flies and shines? (A mosquito with a gold tooth.)

How good it is for you and me, I am under you, and you are on me. (Hedgehog carries an apple.)

What is it: there is a head, there is no head, there is a head, there is no head? (Lame behind the fence.)

A loves B, B loves C? What to do A? (Find another B.)

Two rings, two ends... (Very sophisticated New Russian.)

What is excited by Koch's wand? (1. tuberculosis; 2. Koch's wife.)

What is blue gold? (Beloved wife got drunk.)

Red, long, 21? (Tram.)

Two women at the fence: one is glued, the other is sewn ... What should be done with them? (Tear off the first, tear off the second.)

What is it: a hard one is inserted into a soft one, and the balls dangle nearby? (Earrings.)

One wheel thousand wings - what is it? (Wheelbarrow with manure.)

Not a rooster, but singing, not a grandfather, but a grandmother, who is this? (Philip Kirkorov.)

What three-letter word is now most often written on the walls of toilets in schools and universities? (You yourself X#@! The correct answer is WWW!)

When is a person in a room without a head? (When he sticks it out of the window into the street.)

With scales - but not a fish, with p # $ doy - but not a woman, with wings - but not a bird. (Scaly n#$ winged.)

How can you walk while sitting? (In the toilet - on the toilet.)

What question will no one ever answer yes to? (Sleeping to the question: "Are you sleeping?"

What does a woman have on her body, a Jew has in mind, is used in hockey and on a chessboard? (Combination.)

Hanging between the legs, stinks and yells? (Motorbike.)

Gets out of the water, eight tits, three p@#dy (Eight-tit trip@#dec.)

How many eggs can a woman hold in one hand? (Both.)

Wrinkled Titus amuses the whole village. (Lack of youth in the countryside.)

What is: two bellies, four ears? (Cat wedding.)

The goose barked all over Russia. (Swan.)

What is it: gold coins fall from a branch? (Common in the land of fools.)

Why do you go to bed when you want to sleep? (By gender.)

Small, yellowish tumbles in the sky. (Found!!!)

Small, yellowish, poking around in the ground. (The Vietnamese is looking for a mine.)

Around the water, and in the middle of the law. What it is? (The prosecutor is bathing.)

When the goat is seven years old, what will happen next? (The eighth will go)

Which social group has critical days twice a year? (Students.)

What is it: a little bald one runs through the forest? (Hedgehog. Why is he bald? Escaped from Chernobyl.)

It nourishes in autumn, warms in winter, amuses in spring, cools in summer. (Vodka.)

The hunter walked past the clock tower. He took out a gun and fired. Where did he get to? (To the police.)

One hundred clothes and all without fasteners. (Bum.)

Who is: six wings, seven x#ev? (Six-winged seven...)

What is it: sitting on the ceiling, chewing on a light bulb? (Ceiling lamp-biter.)

You remember it a little, it will be hard, like a potato. (Snowball.)

Either hanging, then standing, then cold, then hot. (Shower.)

With claws, not a bird, flies and swears. (Electrician.)

When a woman lifts her leg, what do you see? Five letters, starts with P, ends with A. (Heel.)

What is it: walks on the wall and plays? (A fly with a player in its ears.)

What can you throw off a naked secretary? (The naked chief.)

Why is it warm for women in stockings in winter, and cold for men in jeans? (Because the men have a x @ # heater, and the women have a data.)

Two ends, two rings, and carnations in the middle. (Victim of a maniac.)

What do money and a coffin have in common? (Both are first boarded up, and then lowered.)

Under which tree does the hare sit when it rains? (Under wet.)

Ivashka stands on one leg. (Disabled person.)

Which word always sounds wrong? (The word "wrong".)

White, not sugar. Cold, not ice. (Dead body.)

Who is this - small, lives in the earth, begins with "Sch"? (Servyachok.)

Four brothers stand under one roof. (Mafia.)

He does not bark, does not bite, but does not let him into the house. (The wife does not let the drunken husband in.)

What is it: small, green, standing on the panel? (Prostitute from another planet.)

Without windows, without doors, and inside there is a Jew? What's this? (Sarah is pregnant.)

What is it: first white, then vzh-zh-zhik, and red? (Poodle of a neighbor in a mixer.)

Red head - works smartly. (Woodpecker.)

What is: hanging on the wall and crying? (Climber.)

How many babies will fit in a double stroller? (And this, depending on how to chop ...)

What is it: small, black, beating against glass? (Baby in the oven.)

Which wheel does not spin when turning right? (Spare.)

A hippo flew across the sky, and a hunter with a gun ran after him on the ground. The hunter fired, and the hippo fell on him. Who is left alive? (Elephant, because he flew out later.)

A little shriveled, there is in every woman. (Highlight.)

Small, yellowish, opens the door by itself. (Bruce Lee)

What is: green, bald and galloping? (Soldier at the disco.)

How to know if there is a mouse in the refrigerator without opening it? (There should be a bicycle by the refrigerator.)

Who will get to the refrigerator faster - a mouse or an elephant? (Mouse. She will arrive on a bicycle.)

It dangles on a rope, it's called "Z". (Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya.)

Hair on hair, body on body - a dark affair begins. (Eye closes.)

What is it - small, white, flies and buzzes? On the letter B. (Fly. Why on B? Because the blonde.)

What is it - sits on a tree, black and croaks? On the letter Sh. (Crow. Why on Sh? Because she pretended to be a hose.)

What is it: hanging on the wall and smelling? (Clock: the cuckoo died in it.)

How do day and night end? (Soft sign.)

There is only one in the sky, There is none in the earth, And the woman has two of them. (Letter B.)

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? (None. It's a hardware problem, programmers don't fix it.)

The two men are on opposite sides of the earth. One walks a tightrope over a cliff while another gets a blowjob from a 70-year-old woman. Both men have the same thought. Which? (Do not look down.)

Two turtles (male and female) walk in love along the shore holding each other by the paws. An hour later, only the male returns. Where is the female? (She stayed there - he forgot to turn her over.)

Hanging pear - you can not eat. (Another pear. Option: Aunt Grunya hanged herself.)

What young man is dripping from the end in the morning? (Samovar. Option: Water tap.)

It consists of three letters, It starts with "X", When it works, it stands, When it ends, it bows. (Chor.)

How is a person different from a locomotive? (The locomotive first whistles, then moves off, and the person first starts off, and then walks and whistles.)

How many blacks are required to bury a person? (Five. Four carry the coffin, and the fifth goes in front with a tape recorder.)

What is - 100 x%ev and one rope? (Barge Haulers on the Volga)

A multi-colored yoke hung over the river. (A sign of the beginning of madness.)

Scarlet sugar itself, green velvet caftan. (Negative on color film, depicting the "new Russian".)

How is the first floor different from the ninth? (From the first floor you will fall: "Boh! - Ah!" And from the ninth floor "Ah! - Wham!"

Two backs, one head, six legs. What it is? (Man on a chair.)

Why do girls in Paris have red hair? (On the ground.)

What is Adam in front and Eve in back? (The letter a".)

Creeps, crawls - the tree will eat. Crawling again, crawling - the tree will eat. What it is? (Rockstone. He eats trees.)

Creeps, crawls - the stone will eat. Crawling again, crawling - the stone will eat. What it is? (Rockstone.)

Black - on one leg? (One-legged negro.)

Pet, starts with "s". (Just one cockroach.)

Pet, starts with a "d". (Two cockroaches.)

Pet, starts with a "t". (Cockroach.)

The black dog does not bark, does not bite, and does not let into the house. (A dead black dog blocking the entrance to the house.)

What is: Black, square, hairy on the bedside table? (TV [n $% doy covered].)

How is a horse different from a needle? (First you sit on a needle, then you jump, and first you jump on a horse, then you sit down.)

The more of them, the less weight. What's this? (Holes.)

What is it: sitting on the window, speaking French? (Frenchman.)

A small, yellowish one lies under the bed, begins with a "Z". (Kopeck. Why on "Z"? Rolled up)

Small, gray, looks like an elephant. (Elephant)

Lies on the back - no one needs. Lean against the wall - it will come in handy. (Stairs)

Which country is the most armed? (Israel, everyone walks there with sawn-off shotguns)

If it weren't for grandmother's shaggy little ones, grandfather's beaters would freeze. (Mittens)

Thunder rumbles, bushes shake, what are they doing there? (The bear eats raspberries)

Gets out of the water, eight boobs, three p...ds (Eight boobs trip...dets)

Smelly, red, dangerous for girls. (Motorcycle "Java"

Black - on four legs? (One-legged negro at the piano.)

Black - on three legs? (Piano.)

Black - on two legs? (Two one-legged blacks.)

What is it - the color of lilac, sees back the same way as forward, and jumps higher than the bell tower? (A white blind horse, because the lilac is white, and the bell tower does not jump at all)

What are you looking at me, undress, I'm yours. (Bed or hanger)

What is it: the eyes are afraid - the hands are doing. (Sex on the phone)

What is the difference between a teacher and a pedophile? (A pedophile really loves kids)

Stop log in case of emergency braking. (Pillar)

There is a cow - the hole is ready, the bull came into the hole - tyk. (Lock and key)

Where is the snowman from? (From ZIMBABwe)

Not horseradish, not a carrot - a red head. (Pioneer in cap)

Between the legs dangling on the "X" is called. (trunk or tail)

A boy and a girl in the grass were doing something on "E". (Eat strawberries)

How to put a giraffe in the refrigerator? (Open fridge, put giraffe in, close fridge)

Which plant knows everything? (Horseradish)

What woman first rubs against you, and then demands money? (Conductor on a tram)

Green, spotted, jumping. (Paratrooper)

What is it: written in black and white? (Toilet at which stood a black man)

What is black and white, black and white, black and white? (The nun rolls head over heels down the mountain)

Doesn't bark, doesn't bite, but it's also called.(@)

Fuck everyone ..a, nobody rides. (The trolley bus fell off the bridge)

All piz..a, and one ride. (husband on a business trip)

Everyone rides, but one piz..a. (Husband got hit by a trolley bus)

Hanging pear - you can not eat. Why? (Boxers can fill their faces)

What is it: the power lies, and the water runs? (The deputy is given an enema)

What is it: in white lace, mooing and crawling on the ground? (drunk bride)

What is it: with eyes - but does not see, with a beak - but does not peck, with wings - and does not fly? (Dead crow)

What is black on the outside, yellow on the inside? (Ninja Chicken)

What has a head but no brains? (Cheese, onion, garlic)

One eye, one horn, but not a rhinoceros? (A cow peeks around the corner)

What word starts with three "G"s and ends with three "I"s? (Trigonometry)

What is it: small, gray in color and weighs 3 kilograms? (A mouse that has weight problems)
You need to cross a wide river that is infested with crocodiles. How will you do it? (Swim. After all, the crocodiles are all at the meeting with the lion)

The lion called all the animals to a meeting. All showed up except for one. What is this animal? (It's an elephant. It's in the fridge, remember?)

How do you put an elephant in the fridge? (Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in, close the refrigerator)

Who is this: Red heels sticking out of the garden? (Red-heeled bed sticker)

What is the last thing on the mind of a beetle flying into the windshield of a moving car? (His ass)

What do Formula 1 and sex have in common? (Pit stop - tire change)

What is the difference between a woman's breasts and a toy railway? (Nothing: both are made for children, and dads play with them)

The most harmful insect, black back, white belly, paws in manure. (Summer resident)

Why do women scratch their eyes in the morning? (Because they don't have eggs)

The new name for the former American president's favorite musical instrument. (Sexophone)

Grain that has passed through fire, water and copper pipes. (Moonshine)

If all women sit on the splits, what will happen? (Land fiz...th will be covered)

What is it: a lot of heads, a long tail, eyes burning, eggs small and dirty? (The queue for eggs for 90 kopecks of the 80s of the twentieth century)

In a dark room, on a white sheet - two hours of pleasure. (Movie show.)

We are daring guys, we climb into the genital crevices. (Cockroaches.)

Winter, forest, everything is covered with snow. A crushed penis lies on a large icy stump. What is it? (Winter has finally come.)

Hair, hair ... and in the middle of the sausage. (Corn.)

Above the knee, below the navel, a hole large enough to fit an arm in. (Pocket)

Without arms, without legs on a woman lope! (Yoke)

He left his grandfather, and left his grandmother ... (Sex.)

What is it - from three letters, enters one ear and exits the other? (Scrap)

What should you do when you see a green man? (Cross the street)

The letter X is called, P. will see it rises. (The trunk takes food.)

Black around, white in the middle. (The radish is there, only bitten.)

Black around, red in the middle. (Radish in the ass of Negro.)

The hairy head flies deftly over the cheek. (Toothbrush.)

Cross-eyed, small, in a white fur coat, in felt boots? (Chukotka Santa Claus.)

What is it - green, press the button - red? (Frog in the mixer.)

They buried a prostitute, they wrote on the tombstone: "Now they will always be together." Who are they? (Legs.)

There-here-back: It's nice for you and me. (Swing.)

Quietly came up from behind, put it in twice and went. (Slippers.)

It’s black on top, red inside. When you put it in, it’s so beautiful. (Galoshes.)

What lengthens when it is picked up, passed between the breasts and thrust into the hole? (Safety belt)

What is it: enters dry, exits wet, gives warmth and joy? (tea bag)

Mustachioed, striped. (Mattress)

To stroke the front, you need to lick the back. (Postage Stamp)

Two ends, two rings? (Gay wedding)

It nourishes in autumn, warms in winter, amuses in spring, cools in summer. (Vodka)

Red head - works deftly. (Woodpecker)

What is it - a small, white blood sucks? (Tampon.)