Teenagers don't want anything. Lack of motivation in general or in a specific area? Under mom's wing
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| ZEOB 28 NBS 2002 ZPDB | 96 50 |
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| nBTdBYLB 29 NBS 2002 ZPDB | 78 50 |
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| dTSYO 28 NBS 2002 ZPDB | 74 50 |
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| Nata-zvon 10 YAOS 2002 ZPDB | 74 50 |
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| bMELUBODT 28 NBS 2002 ZPDB | 72 50 |
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| RTYYUYOSCH CHETOSCHE. B CHCHCHPD - VTED. LBL YOFTPCHETF, LPFPTSCHK NPMYUYF 80% READING, UFBOEF TEILLP YUEFLP MYDETPN? ...OBTYUHKFE LBTFYOH P FPN, LBL CHUE TPDYFEMY - MYDETSCH... — unknown |
There have been, are and will be problems with teenage children. Rapid physical growth and puberty cause a crisis that creates difficulties in the education and upbringing of a teenager. What should parents do if their child flatly refuses to study? After all this period falls on important stage training. Teenagers must decide future profession, do first important steps future adult life.
Why children in adolescence do not want to study: we understand the reasons
“Until grades 6-7, my son studied well. In the diary - only A's, from teachers - continuous praise. And suddenly, for no apparent reason, the desire to study disappeared, the computer and the street were on my mind. I do not know what to do?"— many parents are concerned about these kinds of problems at some point in their lives.
Before you panic or blame someone for this situation, you need to understand what causes such a persistent reluctance to learn.
Psychologists identify several main reasons why teenagers refuse to study:
- Puberty.
- Rapid physical growth.
- Heart problems as a consequence of physical growth.
- Change of emotional background.
How does puberty affect children's learning?
During puberty, the process of excitation is quite rapid, but inhibition, on the contrary, is slow. Due to this young man any little thing can turn on, irritate, make you nervous. It's not easy to calm down. It is natural that in such a state to assimilate educational material very hard.
Rapid physical growth of a teenager
Fast physical development causes the child's bones to grow disproportionately. Result: constant fatigue, rapid fatigue.
The reason for fatigue sometimes lies in the heart
Many people begin to complain of heart pain because the heart does not have time to grow. Heart spasms cause problems with oxygen supply to the brain. Therefore, children begin to think poorly, their attention is scattered, and their memory is weak.
Emotional instability of adolescents
Against the background of hormonal surges, adolescents are often emotionally unstable, that is, they are susceptible to psychosis and loss of mood. These signs are especially pronounced in girls due to.
Ideally, you and your son (daughter) should visit a psychologist . However, we understand that due to various circumstances, not everyone has this opportunity.
How to correctly explain why you need to study? Or, perhaps, it’s correct: “if you don’t want to, don’t study” - what position should parents take?
Here is how psychologist from St. Petersburg Daria Grankina comments on the situation:
You can instill a taste for learning in anyone at any age. The teenager needs to be provided with a range of knowledge about future life. Explain causally investigative connections. But it’s not worth saying that if he doesn’t study algebra, he’ll wash the toilets in the reserved seat, although someone should do that too. We must give the child knowledge, resources and alternatives. Knowledge is not dry facts, but as a process of understanding this world. The alternative is that the child can and should try his best in everything, explore. With resources, it’s clear what we’re talking about. Of course it's not absolute freedom, but careful accompaniment.
Can we motivate to study? To motivate = to manipulate, but that’s not what we want. Therefore, money, persuasion and threats are not an effective method.
A teenager at this age has a lot of questions about society and the world. Who am I, why am I, what awaits me, what awaits the country, how to live correctly...? And of course they are not so strange that they do not understand that they still need to learn. But school is a routine job, and inside there are other problems torn apart.
There is another important aspect: does the child not want to study or CAN’T do it? Perhaps we need to lower our expectations and understand that a 5 is not always good, a rating of 3 is also good. We must understand that to study, we must learn. This is both a regime and a system. If this was not the case with primary classes, then perhaps you need to streamline your and your child’s schedule right now.
In general, in everything that concerns children, you need to start therapy with yourself. For example, take any courses yourself, be it computer, knitting or Latin. This will show your ability to adapt to new trends and desire to learn new things, your openness to the world. Remembering yourself at this age is very useful. Start going with your child to a museum, planetarium, zoo, and finally, read a book in the evening. You can start softly and from afar, go with your child to a concert, to a movie New film, ask him to explain what the essence of his computer game is. This is already communication, this is already an exchange of information, which implies feedback from you and interesting dialogues that stimulate the child to cognitive activity. Under no circumstances should you give up or bury your head in the sand. This is your child and you can help him. You can work with this.
How can parents determine why a teenager does not want to study?
So, parents are faced with the problem: “I don’t want to study.” How to proceed?
First you need to find out what is the main reason:
- Why do you need to study?
Very often the reason lies on the surface, and sometimes we don’t see it or don’t want to see it. The teenager does not understand why he needs to study. In fact, my mother is so smart, she has two higher educations, but she works for a meager salary at school. But Aunt Masha, an acquaintance from a neighboring cottage, drives a foreign car, flies to Paris every year, and was a poor student at school. A little exaggerated picture, but still.
Parents should systematically, using living examples, explain to their child the benefits of learning, draw future prospects for him: the opportunity to look at the world, study cultures, languages, make great discoveries, and have an interesting profession.
- Relationships with teachers and peers
Reluctance to learn may be related to relationships with peers or teachers. All children are different in character, temperament, and level of upbringing. At school they will have to not only learn subjects, but also norms of behavior, learn to live in a team, and establish contact with the outside world. Unfortunately, not everyone succeeds smoothly. Naturally, if a student feels uncomfortable at school, is offended, laughed at or not noticed, he will not have a desire to learn .
- Family well-being
Inevitably the child's performance at school is affected by family well-being or lack thereof.
Quarrels between parents and immoral behavior of adult family members negatively affect the student’s behavior and his perception of the surrounding reality.
“Bad company” can cause a decrease in a teenager’s academic performance and... This happens because you can become part of a street crowd only if you “study up” (sorry for the slang).
- Hyperactivity in a teenager
The child shows extreme intolerance to learning and cannot concentrate on lessons when hyperactive.
- Gadget addiction
One of the reasons for the fading interest in school is an excessive passion for modern technology.
The dependence of teenagers (and not only) on all kinds of gadgets, immersion in the virtual world, satiety with unnecessary information from the outside isolates them from the uninteresting process of learning at school.
What to do if a 13-15 year old teenager does not want to study: advice from a psychologist
Sometimes we, our family and friends, out of good intentions, make such serious mistakes in relation to our children that we only worsen the situation. Experienced psychologists based on a systematic study of adolescent behavior, several good advice and rules to follow when establishing contact with a child 13-15 years old.
Everything is very clear and simple, the main thing is to follow the rules regularly:
- Provide your child with such a work and rest schedule so that he can spend time every day on fresh air. This could be walking, jogging or cycling. At this time, the brain receives oxygen, the child is recharged positive energy, and the body receives the amount of physical activity it needs.
- Dream- chief assistant . Make it a rule to sleep at least 8-9 hours a day. Nothing restores memory and attention like a good night's sleep.
- Distribute your school load . The child should not be overtired. If your child has just returned from school, do not burden him with lessons, give him 1-1.5 minutes to rest.
- Your child has grown up and wants to appear grown up. , often impertinent, shows his tough temper. But he still remains your child and needs simple friendly communication. Contact should not be reduced to routine questions: “How are you?”, “Do you want to eat?” etc. Put things aside and talk. Show that you are interested in the life of your son (daughter) as a full member of the family and do not consider him an unreasonable child. Even in response to his insolence, show tact and restraint. This is precisely what distinguishes us, adults, formed individuals.
- Children at this age remember well interesting material . Therefore, advice from psychologists to both parents and teachers: get your child interested in the subject. And then he will happily go to lessons, and studying will turn into an amusing trip into the world of science.
- If the reason is a conflict with classmates, a teacher , and the conflict is not resolved positively, it is better to change teachers or schools if possible, so as not to aggravate the situation.
- In case of problems with assimilation specific subject You can hire a tutor or help your child fill in the gaps yourself.
Don't deny problems by pretending that you don't notice them. In fact, today's reluctance to learn may develop into much more serious problems, if it is not controlled.
Children feel the attitude of adults very keenly . Just lose your attention for a moment and you will miss the teenager. Every parent knows and feels their child like no one else. It is impossible to fit the behavior of any teenager into general patterns.
Each person, depending on their temperament, social structure, and specific situation, requires an individual approach.
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One of the most common complaints from parents of teenagers is: “He doesn’t want anything. He lies on the couch all day and stares at the screen.” Let's figure out why this happens, together with the Tochka psychological center for teenagers.
Sometimes it seems that the child is not interested in anything at all: he does not want to study, does not want to go to classes, and he is not interested in earning money either. At the same time, you can’t count on cleaning the apartment or helping around the house. He sits in his room for hours and chats with his friends. This, understandably, drives parents crazy, and they begin to deprive them of pocket money or issue ultimatums. But this doesn't help either. The teenager shrugs and locks himself in the room again. Why is this happening?
He wants, but not at all what his parents expect
The teenager stopped studying, he is too lazy to go to school and to clubs. When you ask him about the future, he doesn’t know what he wants to do and doesn’t worry much about it. But she enjoys spending hours on the computer or on the phone. Or hangs out with the guys “in the area.” But parents are not at all happy with such desires.
Parents want instead of the teenager himself
This usually happens if family system supports merging. The process of separation and detection of boundaries is frightening, as a result of which contact is difficult. Then you can hear from the parent of a 13-16 year old teenager “we don’t want to study at all,” “we are not interested in anything.” And the energy of action and interest are located not in the teenager, but in his parent. Like in that joke: “Mom, am I cold or hungry?”
He's depressed
This can be caused by a number of factors: difficulties in accepting oneself and one’s body, treating oneself as unsuccessful and worthless, difficult contact with peers, etc. But it may look as if the teenager is simply not interested in anything, and he rejects all the wonderful things. parents' ideas. Then you can start to get irritated and even angry, thinking that this is “to spite us,” or accuse us of not wanting to do anything. But this usually only makes the situation worse.
The teenager is fed up
His life has everything. fashion clothes, new computer games, etc. In general, you don’t even need to start discovering your desire, it will be instantly fulfilled. Loving and caring parents, grandparents who adore their grandson. The so-called “psychological gluttony” occurs, and needs get mixed up and cease to differ. Then, instead of interest and curiosity, boredom appears.
Why doesn't he want anything?
Katerina Demina - consulting psychologist, specialist in child psychology wrote great article, which answers this, perhaps the most pressing question for parents right now.
There are, of course, a lot of letters - but we think that it would be good for all parents of teenagers to read and get into it.
This phenomenon has gained momentum in recent years seven. A whole generation of young people has grown up who “want nothing.” No money, no career, no personal life. They sit for days at computers, they are not interested in girls (except just a little, so as not to strain themselves).
They are not going to work at all. As a rule, they are satisfied with the life that they already have - their parents’ apartment, a little money for cigarettes, beer. Not more. What's wrong with them?
Sasha was brought for a consultation by her mother. An excellent 15-year-old guy, every girl’s dream: athletic, smart, not rude, lively eyes, vocabulary not like Ellochka the cannibal, plays tennis and the guitar. Mom’s main complaint is simply the cry of a tormented soul: “Why doesn’t he want anything?”
History details
What does “nothing” mean, I wonder. Nothing at all? Or does he still want to eat, sleep, walk, play, watch movies?
It turns out that Sasha does not want to do anything from the list of “normal” things for a teenager. That is:
1. Study;
2. Work;
3. Take courses
4. Meet girls;
5. Help mom with housework;
6. And even go on vacation with my mother.
Mom is sad and desperate. He grew up to be a huge man, but he was as good as a goat's milk. Mom spent her whole life for him, everything was only for his good, she denied herself everything, took on any job, took him to clubs, took him to expensive classes, sent him to language camps abroad - and he first sleeps until lunch, then turns on the computer and until plays with toys at night. But she hoped that he would grow up and she would feel better.
I keep asking. Who does the family consist of? Who makes money in it? What functions does one have?
It turns out that Sasha’s mother has been single for a long time, divorced when he was five years old, “his father was just like a couch potato, maybe it’s genetically transmitted?” She works, she works a lot, because she has to support three people (herself, her grandmother and Sasha), and she comes home at night, mortally tired.
The house is supported by the grandmother, she takes care of the housework and looks after Sasha. The only problem is that Sasha has completely gotten out of hand, doesn’t listen to his grandmother, doesn’t even snap back, just turns a deaf ear.
He goes to school when he wants, and when he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t go. He's threatened by the army, but he doesn't seem to care one bit. He doesn’t make the slightest effort to study even a little better, although all the teachers unanimously insist that he has a golden head and ability.
An elite school, public, with history. But in order to stay in it, you have to take tutors in basic subjects. And all the same, if you get a bad grade in a quarter, they can be expelled.
He doesn’t do anything around the house at all, he doesn’t even wash his cup after himself, the grandmother with a stick is forced to carry heavy bags of groceries from the store, and then carries food to his computer on a tray.
“Well, what’s wrong with him? - Mom is almost crying. “I gave my whole life to him.”
Boy
IN next time I see Sasha alone. And it's true good boy, handsome, fashionably and expensively dressed, but not provocatively. Somewhat too good. He's kind of lifeless. A picture in a girls' magazine, a glamorous prince, at least there was a pimple somewhere, or something.
He behaves with me in a friendly, polite manner, and with his entire appearance demonstrates openness and willingness to cooperate. Ugh, I feel like a character from an American teen TV series: main character at an appointment with a psychoanalyst. I want to say something obscenely. Okay, let's remember who the pros are here.
You won’t believe it, he reproduces my mother’s text almost word for word. A 15-year-old boy says like a school teacher: “I’m lazy. My laziness prevents me from achieving my goals. And I’m also very unfocused, I can stare at one point and sit like that for an hour.”
What do you want?
Yes, he doesn’t want anything special. School is boring, the lessons are stupid, although the teachers are great, the best.
There are no close friends, no girlfriend either. No plans.
That is, he is not going to make humanity happy in any of the 1539 ways known to civilization, he is not planning to become a megastar, he does not need wealth, career and achievements. He doesn't need anything at all. Thank you, we have everything.
Slowly a picture begins to emerge, which I wouldn’t say is very unexpected for me.
From about the age of three, Sasha studied. First, preparing for school, swimming and English.
Now, in addition to studying at the mathematical lyceum, he attends English courses at MGIMO, two sport sections and to the tutor. Doesn't walk in the yard, doesn't watch TV - no time. The computer that my mother complains about is played only during the holidays, and even then not every day.
Why doesn't he want anything?
Formally, all these activities were voluntarily chosen by Sasha. But when I ask what he would like to do if he didn’t have to study, he says “play guitar.” (Options heard from other respondents: play football, play on the computer, do nothing, just walk). Play. Let's remember this answer and move on.
What's wrong with him
You know, I have about three such clients a week. Almost every complaint about a boy between the ages of 13 and 19 is about this: he doesn’t want anything.
In each such case, I see the same picture: an active, energetic, ambitious mother, an absent father, at home or a grandmother, or a nanny-housekeeper. Most often it’s the grandmother.
The family system is distorted: the mother takes the role of the man in the house. She is the breadwinner, she makes all the decisions, has contact with the outside world, and protects if necessary. But she is not at home, she is in the fields and hunting.
The fire in the hearth is maintained by the grandmother, only she has no levers of power in relation to their “common” child, he may not listen and may be rude. If it were mom and dad, dad would come home from work in the evening, mom would complain to him about inappropriate behavior son, dad would give him crap - and all the love. And here you can complain, but there’s no one to blame.
Mom tries to give her son everything: the most fashionable entertainment, the most necessary development tools, any gifts and purchases. But the son is not happy. And again and again this refrain sounds: “he doesn’t want anything.”
And after a while the question just begins to itch inside me: “When does he want something? If for a long time his mother wanted everything for him, dreamed about it, planned it and did it.”
When a five-year-old child sits at home alone, rolls a car on the carpet, plays, growls, buzzes, builds bridges and fortresses - at this moment desires begin to arise and mature in him, at first vague and unconscious, gradually forming into something concrete: I want a bigger one. fire truck with little people. Then he waits for mom or dad to come home from work, expresses his desire and receives an answer. Usually: “Wait until the New Year (birthday, payday).”
And you have to wait, endure, dream about this car before going to bed, anticipate the happiness of ownership, imagine it (still a car) in all its details. In this way the child learns to communicate with his inner world in terms of desires.
What was it like for Sasha (and all the other Sashas I deal with)? I wanted it - I wrote an SMS to my mother, sent it - my mother ordered it via the Internet - it was delivered in the evening.
Or vice versa: why do you need this car, your homework hasn’t been done, you’ve read two pages of the speech therapy primer? Once - and the beginning of the fairy tale was cut short. All. I can't dream anymore.
These boys really have it all: the latest smartphones, the latest jeans, trips to the seaside four times a year. But they don’t have the opportunity to simply kick the bullshit. Meanwhile, boredom is the most creative state of mind; without it it is impossible to come up with something to do.
The child must become bored and sad in order for the need to move and act to appear. And he is deprived of even the most basic right to decide whether to go to the Maldives or not. Mom has already decided everything for him.
What parents say
First, I listen to my parents for quite a long time. Their claims, disappointments, grievances, guesses. It always starts with complaints like “we are everything to him, and he responds with nothing.”
The enumeration of exactly what is “everything for him” is impressive. I'm learning about some things for the first time. For example, it never occurred to me that a 15-year-old boy could be led to school by the hand. And I still thought that the limit was third class. Well, the fourth one, for girls.
But it turns out that mothers’ anxieties and fears push them to do strange things. What if bad boys attack him? And they will teach him bad things (smoking, swearing bad words, lying to parents; The word “drugs” is most often not uttered because it is very scary).
An argument such as “You understand what times we live in” is often heard. To be honest, I don’t really understand. It seems to me that times are always about the same, well, except for very difficult ones, for example, when a war is going on right in your city.
In my time, it was deadly dangerous for an 11-year-old girl to walk alone through a vacant lot. So we didn't go. We knew not to go there and followed the rules. And there were sexual maniacs, and sometimes they robbed people in the entrances.
But what was missing was a free press. Therefore, people learned the crime report from friends they knew, according to the principle “one old woman told me.” And as it passed through many mouths, the information became less frightening and more diffuse. Like alien abduction. Everyone has heard that this happens, but no one has seen it.
When it is shown on TV, with details, close-up, it becomes the reality that is here, nearby, in your home. You see this with your own eyes - but admit it, most of us have never seen a victim of a robbery in our lives?
The human psyche is not adapted to daily observation of death, especially violent death. This causes severe injury, and protecting yourself from it modern man can not. Therefore, on the one hand, we seem to be more cynical, but on the other, we do not let children go outside. Because it's dangerous.
Most often, such helpless and lethargic children grow up with those parents who early childhood were independent. Too grown up, too responsible, left to their own devices too early.
From the first grade we came home ourselves, the key on a ribbon around our necks, homework - ourselves, warm up food - ourselves, in best case scenario Parents will ask in the evening: “What’s going on with your homework?” For the whole summer, either to the camp, or to grandma’s in the village, where there was also no one particularly to watch.
And then these children grew up, and perestroika happened. A complete change of everything: lifestyle, values, guidelines. There's a lot to be nervous about. But the generation adapted, survived, and even became successful. The repressed and carefully unnoticed anxiety remained. And now everything in full fell on the head of the only child.
And the charges against the child are serious. Parents completely refuse to acknowledge their contribution to his (child’s) development; they only complain bitterly: “Here I am at his age...”.
“At his age, I already knew exactly what I wanted from life, but in the 10th grade he was only interested in toys. I’ve been doing my homework myself since the third grade, but in the eighth grade he can’t sit down at the table until he gives him a hand. My parents didn’t even know what our math program was, and now I have to solve every example with him.”
All this is pronounced with a tragic intonation: “Where is this world going?” As if children should repeat the life path of their parents.
At this point I begin to ask what kind of behavior they would like from their child.
It turns out quite funny list, kind of like a portrait of an ideal man:
1. To do everything yourself;
2. To obey unquestioningly;
3. Showed initiative;
4. I studied in those circles that will be useful later in life;
5. He was sensitive and caring and was not selfish;
6. He was more assertive and punchy.
At the last points I'm already sad. But the mother who makes the list is also sad: she noticed a contradiction. “I want the impossible?” - she asks sadly.
Yes, what a pity. Or singing or dancing. Either you have an obedient, willing-to-do-anything excellent student-nerd, or an energetic, proactive, disruptive C-student. Either he sympathizes with you and supports you, or he silently nods and walks past you towards his goal.
Where did the idea come from that by working with a child correctly, you can somehow magically protect him from all future troubles. As I already said, the benefits of numerous developmental activities are very relative.
The child misses a really important stage in development: games and relationships with peers. Boys do not learn to invent their own games or activities, do not discover new territories (after all, it is dangerous there), do not fight, and do not know how to gather a team around them.
Girls don’t know anything about the “women’s circle,” although things are a little better with creativity: after all, girls are more often sent to various handicraft circles, and the need for social communication It's more difficult for girls.
In addition to child psychology, out of old memory, I also study Russian language and literature with schoolchildren. So, in the pursuit of foreign languages, parents completely missed their native Russian language.
The vocabulary of modern teenagers is like that of Ellochka the Ogress - within a hundred. But it is proudly stated: the child learns three foreign languages, including Chinese, and all with native speakers.
And children understand proverbs literally (“You can’t catch a fish out of a pond without difficulty” - what is that about?” - “It’s about fishing”), they cannot do word-formation analysis, they try to explain complex experiences on their fingers. Because language is perceived in communication and from books. And not during lessons and sports activities.
What the children say
“Nobody listens to me. I want to go home from school with friends, and not with a nanny (driver, escort). I don't have time to watch TV, I don't have time to play on the computer.
I have never been to the cinema with friends, only with my parents and their acquaintances. I am not allowed to visit the guys, and no one is allowed to visit me. Mom checks my briefcase, pockets, phone. If I’m late at school for even five minutes, my mother calls immediately.”
This is not a first grader's text. This is what 9th grade students say.
Look, complaints can be divided into two categories: violation of boundaries (“checks my briefcase, doesn’t let me wear what I want”) and, relatively speaking, violence against a person (“nothing is allowed”). It seems that parents did not notice that their children had already outgrown diapers.
It is possible, although harmful, to check the pockets of a first-grader - if only to avoid washing these pants along with the chewing gum. But by the time a person is 14 years old, it would be good to already enter a room with a knock. Not with a formal knock - he knocked and entered, without waiting for an answer, but respecting his right to privacy.
Criticism of hairstyle, reminder “Go wash, otherwise you smell bad”, requirement to wear warm jacket- all this signals to the teenager: “You’re still small, you don’t have the right to vote, we’ll decide everything for you.” Although we just wanted to protect him from catching a cold. And it really smells bad.
I can’t believe that there are still parents who haven’t heard: for a teenager, the most important part of life is communication with peers. But this means that the child is out of parental control, the parents cease to be the ultimate truth.
The child's creative energy is blocked in this way. After all, if he is forbidden to want what he really needs, he refuses desires altogether. Think how scary it is to want nothing. What for? They won’t allow it anyway, they’ll ban it, they’ll explain that it’s harmful and dangerous, “go better lessons do."
Our world is far from ideal, it is indeed unsafe, there is evil and chaos in it. But somehow we live in it. We allow ourselves to love (although this is an adventure with an unpredictable plot), change jobs and housing, and experience crises inside and outside. Why don't you let your children live?
I have a suspicion that in those families where such problems arise with children, parents do not feel safe. Their life is too stressful, the level of stress exceeds the body's adaptive capabilities. And I really want at least the little girl to live in peace and harmony.
But the baby doesn’t want peace. She needs storms, achievements and exploits. Otherwise, the child lies down on the sofa, gives up everything and ceases to please the eye.
What to do
As always: discuss, make a plan, stick to it. First, remember what your child asked for before and then stopped. I'm quite sure that an hour's daily "absolutely useless" walk with friends - necessary condition For mental health teenager
You will be surprised, but mindless “binge-watching” (watching music and entertainment channels) is also necessary for our children. They enter a kind of trance, a meditative state during which they learn something about themselves. Not about artists, stars and show business. About Me.
The same can be said about computer games, in social networks, telephone conversations. This is terribly infuriating, but you have to get over it. It is possible and necessary to limit, introduce some kind of framework and rules, but to completely prohibit the inner life of a child is criminal and short-sighted.
If you don’t learn this lesson now, it will hit you later: with a midlife crisis, moral burnout at 35, unwillingness to take responsibility for the family, etc.
Because I didn't play enough. I wandered aimlessly through the streets. I didn’t watch all the stupid comedies in time, I didn’t laugh at Beavis and Butt-head.
I know one boy who drove his parents crazy by lying in his room for hours and hitting the wall with a tennis ball. Quietly, not much. It wasn't the knocking that irritated them, it was the fact that it didn't do anything. Now he is 30, he is quite a capable man, married, working, active. He needed to be in his shell at 15 years old.
On the other hand, as a rule, these children are catastrophically underloaded with life. All they do is study. They don’t go to the store to buy groceries for the whole family, they don’t wash the floor, they don’t repair electrical appliances.
Therefore, I would give them more freedom inside and restrict them outside. That is, you decide for yourself what you will wear and what you will do besides study, but at the same time - here is a list of household chores, get started.
By the way, the boys are excellent cooks. And they know how to iron. And they carry heavy things like that.
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