A child is afraid of other children - what to do and how to raise a sociable person. The child is afraid of strangers

Friends who come want to greet you and hold your baby in their arms. You open your arms to them, but the baby reacts differently: he clings tighter to you and from time to time looks over your shoulder to see if these strangers are still here. The more persistently you force your baby to show friendliness, the closer he will cling to you.

Your baby is experiencing what is commonly called "stranger anxiety." This phenomenon, as well as the related fear of being left alone, is normal behavior in children aged 6 to 12 months. Perhaps this is a defensive reaction that forces children to stay close to home (in the broad sense of the word) at a time when developing motor skills tempt them to move further away.

Fear of strangers

This "disease" usually occurs between the 6th and 12th months. Just recently, the baby willingly passed from hand to hand, and suddenly this “sociable butterfly” turned into a “distrustful caterpillar.” Now the child recognizes only your hands and can push away even close relatives whom he recently willingly recognized. This behavior is normal, this mistrust will quickly pass, so do not make any changes in your parenting style, and also do not assume that the child is unhealthy. Even the healthiest and most sociable children can go through this period of fear of strangers.

The child, as it were, measures the world by your standards and evaluates other people by your reaction to them. The behavior of your baby largely depends on how you behave. To overcome a child's isolation, you need to encourage him to be socially open. Here's how we recommend doing it.

Communication needs to be taught

Greet the person approaching you with a smile and start a lively dialogue, while maintaining a certain distance. Give your child time and opportunity to look at the stranger and read the happy expression on your face. Based on your reaction, your baby will form his own idea about this person. If a stranger is pleasant to you, he will be good to the child. Then take the initiative to communicate into your own hands. Make an introductory remark: “Look at Aunt Nancy, she’s so sweet.” However, it is better for Aunt Nancy not to approach you. Start to gradually reduce the distance yourself. When you are close enough, take your baby's hand and stroke Aunt Nancy's face with it. All this time, do not forget to monitor the child’s facial expression and body language in order to understand in time when to approach and when to wait. Explain your strategy to Aunt Nancy so that she does not attack the baby in wild delight. The same detailed explanation (how important the correct approach to the child during this period is) should be given to grandparents in a timely manner. This will allow them to preserve family feelings, and you will avoid a long lecture about how you spoiled your own child. This approach also helps the child in communicating with the doctor.

What to do in more complex cases. If your baby is very afraid of strangers, make the preparatory stage for meeting them longer and more skillful. Warn your friends about the peculiarities of your child’s behavior, and remember that this is an element of the normal development of children and do not try to shield the baby by smoothing out the first unpleasant impression. (“He's actually a very good boy.”) Arrange for your guest to first pay attention to one of your child's favorite toys, such as a rattle, when they come to you. Carry this toy with you and pull it out when you meet, then the baby will be delighted with it, and at the same time with the approaching person.
If the baby continues to act distant and still wraps itself around you like ivy, sit him on your lap and talk to the visitor without involving the child in the conversation and giving him the opportunity to get comfortable, sitting in his usual place.

From Martha's diary:"When one of his acquaintances approaches, Matthew begins to wave his arms, smile and gesticulate in a friendly manner. When a stranger enters, Matthew becomes thoughtful, as if pondering how to react. Sometimes he responds to the advances of the guest, begins to smile cheerfully and something babble. Sometimes he seems to be waiting to see what kind of game they will offer him. At the same time, at the sight of loved ones (dad, mom or brother and sister), he seems to automatically come into an animated state. Matthew’s distrust of strangers is expressed in the fact that he carefully examines them with a concerned face and seems to freeze for a moment, as if checking whether it is worth making contact. Sometimes I help him enter into communication with a stranger, but at the same time I keep a vigilant eye on when he no longer wants to stay in the arms of another person. Usually, if I show with a smile and gestures that everything is in order, and the one who took the baby in his arms feels pleasure from this, everything is going well, but if Matthew somehow feels that something is not ok, he begins to be capricious. Just a few months ago, he would bestow angelic smiles on everyone, causing delight and joy in strangers he met. Now he is not so wasteful. This leads me to believe that he is wondering why he is smiling. When he responds to a stranger's greeting, a smile very slowly appears on his face. He studies the stranger, looks from him to me and back, as if checking my reaction. Sometimes he will briefly smile at someone, but immediately bury his face in my shoulder and resume communication only after my encouragement."

Fear of loneliness

The fear of being left alone usually begins to appear around 6 months (when the baby learns to crawl) and persists and may even intensify from 12 to 18 months (when the baby begins to walk). Wise parents will take into account this completely normal stage of the baby's development and will try to plan their affairs in such a way as to be with the child as much as possible. How a child copes with his fear largely depends on the parents.

Is your child too dependent?

"Our 8-month-old baby starts crying every time I put him in his crib and go into another room. I feel like I can't leave at all without upsetting him. We're very close, but am I making him too much? dependent on me?"

No! You only make him better protected, and not at all dependent. Your baby is experiencing fear of loneliness. This is completely normal behavior and is not at all caused by the fact that you have made your baby too dependent on you.

By observing 8-month-old Matthew playing, we think we have been able to explain where the fear of loneliness comes from and why it is a completely healthy phenomenon. While Matthew was crawling around the room, he kept looking around to see if we were watching him. Seeing us leave the room or not paying attention to him, he begins to get upset.

As experienced observers, we already knew that kids don’t do anything without good reason. We found it interesting that the fear of loneliness reaches its peak just at the time when the child begins to actively move. Maybe this is some kind of safety net? After all, at this moment the child’s motor capabilities allow him to crawl far from his parents, and his mental abilities are not yet developed enough for such an escape to be safe. The baby's body says yes, but his mind says no. In other words, the fear of loneliness seems to hold the baby back.

Let him know it's okay

Don't be alarmed by the prospect of raising your child to be overly dependent on you and unhealthy to be clingy. The opposite is true. Knowing that you are nearby, the baby will not experience the fear of loneliness, will be able to feel more confident in the environment and behave independently. And that's why. Let's say a baby is playing in a room full of strange toys and strange children. He is calling to you. To reassure him, you nod at him and say, "It's okay." Having calmed down, he quickly gets used to the unusual environment, from time to time glancing at you again and making sure that there is still no danger. The presence of a person to whom the child is strongly attached (usually a father or mother, or one of his close relatives) has an encouraging effect on him. He seems to receive support and approval for his own actions. In this case, he is not afraid of an unfamiliar situation, but calmly begins to master it. As the baby climbs the ladder of independence, he never ceases to need a person to support this ladder.

How to make sure your baby doesn’t worry when left alone? If he cannot see you, and his mind does not yet realize that you are somewhere nearby, you need to maintain contact with him by voice. This not only reassures your baby, but also allows him to associate your voice with your imaginary image and calm down. Until the second year of life, most babies do not yet master the skill of imaginary permanence of objects and people, i.e. images of objects and people that cannot be seen at the moment are not restored in their memory. The ability to retain the mental image of parents in memory allows the baby to more easily move from familiar situations and objects to unfamiliar ones.

The close mutual attachment of parents and children strengthens the independence of the latter.

The process of a child's mental development is easier to understand when compared to the process of sound recording - this is our deep groove theory. The stronger the attachment in a parent-child pair, the deeper the notches in the baby’s memory and the easier it is for him to get into the right groove when such a need arises. Theories that were widespread some time ago claimed that with such a strong attachment to parents, the child would never be able to get out of such a groove (rut), would become dependent and would not be able to act independently. Our experience and experiments demonstrate exactly the opposite. In a classic study called “stranger situation experiments,” researchers studied two groups of children (one “highly attached children” and the other “unattached children”). Children of the first group, i.e. those with the deepest grooves showed the least fear when they were separated from their mother to play with new toys in the same room. From time to time, the kids checked their mother’s reaction to what was happening to make sure that everything was in order, and calmly continued playing. Since the children did not have to waste energy crying about their mother’s absence, they directed all of it towards mastering a new game. When such a child was left alone, he seemed to seek a balance between the desire to continue the game and receive confirmation from his mother that there was no danger.

Thus, the presence of a loved one nearby supports the baby’s confidence and sense of security and promotes his independence, trust and calmness. Ultimately, this leads to the achievement of such an important milestone in a child’s development in the first year of life as the ability to play alone.

: Reading time:

The psychologist explains why children are afraid of unfamiliar people and strangers, how parents should act, and what not to do.

“How afraid Masha is of strangers, it’s just some kind of horror,” Mom Anya shared with her friend in line. “If someone she doesn’t know says a word to her, that’s it!” Hysterics! It was nothing before, but it’s getting worse and worse. It's impossible to walk. At the clinic he hides behind me and yells. I feel like I’m in a cage... But what can I do, I have to go to work soon. I don’t know how she’ll go to the garden like this... Recently they celebrated her two, her mother-in-law came to visit. Grandmother to Masha: “My dear!”, and she left her under the sofa and in tears. My mother-in-law told me this! Like, I completely spoiled the child, how is it possible - the child does not recognize his own blood! She is also good, “darling”, she hasn’t seen her granddaughter for six months and wouldn’t come for another three. The husband also says that it’s not normal for a child to shy away from strangers so much. What to do?

“Or maybe the mother-in-law is right,” the next-door neighbor intervened. - There is no point in indulging your daughter. Just think, roaring cow. When Vanka was a year old, he was also afraid of strangers. What kind of life is this - not meeting anyone, not going anywhere. I didn’t pay attention to his nagging. So she told him: “I don’t need a coward, I’ll leave you here.” I've learned to cry like a darling. Leave it with your mother-in-law for half a day, she will quickly stop being afraid!

The dispute flared up in earnest. Mom Anya was ready to fall underground. “Of course, I shouldn’t have started all this, but who should I ask? Who is right?"

What should a parent do when a child is afraid of strangers?

I would outline the following action plan: calm down, assess the situation, stop reinforcing the child’s fears with your behavior and, if necessary, seek help.

First, the heroine needs to calm down. The parent's condition is passed on to the child. An adult's positive attitude will give the child courage. And if a frightened child sees fear and uncertainty on his mother’s face, he begins to be even more afraid. “Even an adult can’t cope with the situation, it seems like everything is really bad...” - the child feels and begins to behave even worse. The child’s actions cause a new wave of negative thoughts in the woman. Often she begins to think that the child is always afraid of strangers, and shares her experiences out loud with friends and acquaintances. The baby hears the conversations, sees how much his mother is worried, and becomes even more tense. That's it, the circle is closed.

Mom Anya needs to first deal with herself, and not with her daughter. How can a parent stop bad thoughts? Try not to think about the yellow bear for a minute. What, exactly is your last thought about him? Now think about the striped elephant. Now you are interested in the stripes on the elephant or its trunk, but certainly not in the yellow bear! It's the same in life. Mom Anya should switch her attention to other topics:

• Dream about pleasant things for yourself.
• Ask your friend in more detail what is good in her life. Joy, like fear, is “contagious.”
• Look around carefully, doing things for the benefit of others also lifts your spirits.
• It is useful to think about your daughter’s strengths: she is predictable in her behavior, she is careful, she has her own opinion - this is valuable!

From the practice of a psychologist, I know that things in her inner world, often from childhood, prevent her from turning off scary pictures. Memory is designed in such a way that unpleasant things are forgotten. Therefore, it may be difficult for a mother to remember the situation from which it all began, and it may be difficult to connect past experiences with the present.

One woman, whose child is afraid of strangers, was overprotective of the girl. Relatives and friends told her that such care was harmful for the child. Mom agreed with them, but could not do anything. The woman did not find understanding in her environment; they told her: “It’s so simple, don’t indulge your daughter!”

She felt like a worthless mother until she came to me. After listening, I suggested looking for the causes of the problem not only in the present, but also in the past. And it dawned on mom! She remembered how the teacher locked her in a dark closet. As a little girl, the woman experienced real horror. And now she protected her daughter from any, even imaginary, danger. We played out the situation with the help of figures in the sandbox, and the woman told the evil teacher everything she had wanted for a long time. I finished the story and stopped worrying. And the child became more open and sociable.

As soon as the parent has broken (or shaken) the vicious circle of anxiety between himself and the child, he needs to deal with the cause of the fear.

Why are children afraid of strangers?

Many one-year-old babies are afraid of strangers. At seven to ten months, the child begins to distinguish between “friends”, and shows wariness towards others. With loved ones it is certainly safe and comfortable, but with others it is unknown. Therefore, when babies see a stranger, they huddle close to their mother and catch her reaction. If the new adult behaves kindly and does not insist on a quick response from the baby, the child gradually gets used to it and begins to communicate. And if an adult (like the heroine’s mother-in-law) is offended and demands an immediate response, the child may shut down. Moreover, he will be afraid of other “strangers”.

According to statistics, this fear is most disturbing at the age of one to one and a half years, and by two or three years it gradually disappears. The kid understands that communicating with other adults can be interesting and useful.

Normal fear can develop into “abnormal” fear if adults behave incorrectly. The advice of a neighbor taking turns is harmful for the baby. It is possible that the problem is not visible now, but will make itself felt in the future.

To help her daughter, the heroine needs to find out the cause of the problem. Answers to the following questions will help you find it:

• How long has your child been afraid of strangers?
• When did it start? After some event, during a certain period of time? Or was there always fear?
• Is the baby’s behavior when meeting strangers always the same, or does the fear either intensify or weaken at times?
• Does the child treat all strangers equally? Or is someone more afraid? Men or women? Old or young?
• How do you behave when you meet someone you don't know? What stories related to strangers do you keep in your memory?

Here are the most common causes of fear:

• Child's past experiences.
• Features of the child, given by nature.
• Family situation.

Child's past experiences. This fear appears after a specific situation. Maybe the child was frightened by a stranger, and now he is afraid of a repeat. In this case, the reason is on the surface, it is easy to guess. It is important to explain to the child what happened and what to do if this happens again.

For example, a child was scared by a clown at a birthday party, and now he is afraid of men. You can make up a short story about how a boy met a brightly dressed noisy clown. The boy got scared and hid in his mother’s arms. But then I saw that the artist was handing out ice cream, blowing soap bubbles, everyone was having fun, and not at all scary, and he went to play with the guys. Let your child draw pictures to go with your story or put on a real theatrical performance using their favorite toys.

Features of the child, given by nature. Another reason why a child is afraid of strangers is the child’s characteristics. In this case, the child always behaves the same way with strangers. Fear appeared as soon as the baby learned to distinguish strangers. It gets a little easier with age, but the problem does not disappear.

Think about what kind of person your baby is? Some chatter incessantly, while others speak with dignity and to the point. One easily changes playing partners, the other builds strong relationships. One is hiding from strangers, the other is ready to leave with the first person he meets.

Alas, we cannot change what is given by nature, but we can turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Fearful children are often sensitive. They see things in the world that another peer would not notice. For example, he will not communicate with the guest because of a subtle unpleasant aroma. Parents need to be attentive to such “quirks” of children. Don't scold, but try to understand. Learn what to really pay attention to and what not to.

Some children learn new things on their own, others by watching others. Children of the first type easily begin to play in a new company, but they often learn the rules only by accidentally breaking them. The latter first observe who is what, what is allowed here and what is prohibited. And then they play by the rules. Both strategies have their pros and cons. But adults often don’t let little “spectators” see enough. Then they enter the game internally unprepared, and this can provoke fear. Parents need to give the baby time to get comfortable.

Family situation. Fear either intensifies or weakens, depending on what is happening between relatives. This reason most likely led to fear in the girl Masha.

This is hardly the first clash between mother and mother-in-law. The husband's relatives interfere wherever they ask. To resist them, the mother closes herself off from everyone and rarely goes out “into the world” with the child. So my daughter is afraid of new people.

General advice does not work here, because each individual child has his own reason. It can be difficult to identify. Firstly, parents are involved in the situation, so it is difficult for them to see what is happening from the outside. Secondly, there are usually several reasons why a child is afraid of strangers. One thing “overlays” the other, it’s difficult to figure out where to start. A competent psychologist will tell parents why the child is afraid and teach them how to communicate with strangers.

What not to do if a child is afraid of other people

It is unacceptable to punish a child for crying and hiding - after all, the baby does not want to “annoy an adult.” He wants to communicate and please his mother... He doesn’t do it on purpose, he can’t do it any other way. Therefore, there is nothing to punish him for.

Some may, like Vanya, behave well for fear of punishment. But in this case, the problem will “go inside”: the child will be capricious for no reason, bite his nails, get sick often, and have trouble sleeping. Not all parents will understand that these troubles arose due to “repressed” fear. Most children become even more afraid of adult violence and behave even worse.

Treat “bad” behavior calmly, and praise small steps in the fight against fear. He cried, and then fell silent for a second: “Oh, how glad I am for the silence!” He turned to look at the stranger: “Hurray! How nice it is for uncle to see your eyes!” Children strive to repeat what pleases adults. Use this feature.

When children are afraid of strangers, you shouldn’t shame them, call them a coward, or say: “It’s not scary at all.” Guilt is added to fear; it is even more difficult to cope with two feelings. To an adult who likes to shame, the child stops talking about problems. He tries to solve everything himself, for fear of receiving another “portion” of moralizing.

If something really terrible happens to the grown-up Vanya, for example, he is bullied or extorted money from him, his mother will not know about it and will not be able to help. It is important to convey to the child that sometimes everyone is afraid, even adults. A brave person differs from a coward in that he can admit a problem and overcome fear.

You should not force a child to communicate with strangers, much less leave him with someone whom the child is afraid of. Show kindness to strangers, give your child time to take a closer look. Wait until the baby makes contact on his own. It can be helpful to tell a stranger about your child's special needs. Start with a compliment to win over your interlocutor, and then ask him to wait until the child gets comfortable. Mom Anya could answer her mother-in-law as follows: “Thank you for your attention to raising our child. You probably know that children have short memories. Wait a little, she will get used to it and start communicating with you, but for now I ask you to come to the table.”

When is the best time to ask for help?

In the case of Anya’s mother, fear disrupts the entire life of the family and becomes stronger. This is not normal and will not go away on its own. My daughter needs specialist help.

You should contact a psychologist in the following cases:

• Fear of strangers makes life difficult for the child and his family. As in the case of Anya’s mother, the child does not go out for walks, it is impossible to leave him with anyone.
• The baby grows, but becomes more and more unsociable. After two years, it is advisable to consult a psychologist. After three years, you need to see a neurologist and psychiatrist.
• Because of fear of strangers, the child cannot be in society. Communication with other children and adults is important for normal development. If the situation is not corrected, the child will turn into a shy teenager and an unsociable adult.
• If, after meeting strangers, the baby does not eat well and sleeps restlessly.

Let's summarize. If a child is afraid of strangers, the parent needs:

1. Calm down;
2. Determine the cause of what is happening;
3. Do not worsen the situation with illiterate actions;
4. Consider whether the baby needs specialist help.

And you, dear readers, what do you think Mom Anya should do?

It happens that a previously inquisitive and sociable child suddenly begins to be afraid of strangers or new places. And some children are fearful and cautious from birth, have a hard time withstanding new experiences and do not want to communicate with anyone except their family. This is very inconvenient for parents. Especially when the family has older children and things to do that require going to different places, but there is no nanny with whom you can leave the baby.

Why does this happen, when will it pass and how to live with it?

The fact that a child begins to fear the new and unfamiliar is a completely natural and normal stage of development. Having learned to walk, the baby gains independence and is more exposed to various dangers. Along with growing physical capabilities, mental deterrents arise that help to use skills safely. The ability to run quickly is normally balanced by caution, and the desire to communicate is restrained by the understanding that there are strangers in the world and not all of them may be friendly.

It is at this age that children often experience separation from their mother painfully and do not want to let her go, even for a short time. Often it is anxiety and fear of separation that causes the fear of new people and places. There are other reasons for uncomfortable behavior and reluctance to visit certain places: various fears (for example, a child was very scared of something and now his fear spreads to all similar places), protest, a desire to go to another place. First of all, it’s worth finding out the reason - then it will be clearer what to do. But even if the reason is not clear, there are some general recommendations.

The most important thing is to respect the child's needs. In our culture there is an opinion that you need to knock out a wedge with a wedge and force you to do what is scary or what you don’t want to do. But if a child cries or resists, it means he has a real need, and our task is to understand and satisfy it.

1. Observe your child

Pay close attention to what exactly scares him, what he doesn’t like, what causes inconvenience. It often happens that we ourselves aggravate or ignore a problem that can be solved with minimal effort. In my practice, there was a case when a child began to go hysterical during a walk when trying to enter the park. This became a great difficulty for my mother, because there was nowhere else to go for a walk. Mom began to observe, and soon found out that the child was afraid of one specific poster that hung next to the entrance. Why he was afraid is another question. But the problem was solved easily and quickly - just enter through another entrance.

2. Know that this is not forever.

Gradually, fears and anxiety will smooth out. Of course, temperamental peculiarities will remain, but children usually outgrow such pathological fearfulness, having gained life experience and strength. Parents can help them by remaining calm, reliable and stable.

3. Try to take into account the child’s characteristics

And take care of it whenever possible. If you can stay at home when he doesn’t want to go somewhere, let him stay. Quite often it is a matter of proper planning and distribution of tasks. You shouldn’t drag your child to where he feels bad for educational reasons, “to get used to it.” Usually this has just the opposite effect. You need to understand that excess stress does not develop character, but anxiety. Development occurs best in a calm and comfortable environment - when the child does not need to defend himself and waste energy on resistance, they can be allowed to grow. You need to give him time and the opportunity to gently adapt to uncomfortable conditions.

But sometimes there are situations when a child has to face a stressful situation. For example, there is no one to leave him with, but he definitely needs to go to a scary place. Here are some recommendations for such a case:

Try not to be nervous and not predict horrors. The calmer you are, the calmer the child is; he feels and adopts your state.

- Tell your child in advance where you will go and why. Tell us in detail what will happen there. Even those children who do not yet speak can understand the main idea. Uncertainty worries the most, and when a child knows what to expect, he feels more confident.

During the process, comment on what you see, calmly tell what’s what. This will help you not to be nervous, and for the child it will be an indicator of your calmness and will arouse his interest.

- If possible, let the child gradually get used to the place. Don't rush into the crowd right away, look from a distance first and approach slowly. Don't drag him straight to the dentist's office, but give him time to play in the lobby and look at the pictures on the walls.

You need to understand that a child needs much more time to get used to a new situation. Try to look at everything through the eyes of a child, as if for the first time. You may see something you didn't notice before and be able to understand it better.

- Look around for something interesting for the child. Pay attention to funny details.

Prepare for going out - take with you the necessary kit for all occasions, so as not to feel discomfort if you suddenly need something. A small snack, water, wipes, diapers, or a few changes of clothes will keep you sane in case of the unexpected.

- Be sure to take a few of your favorite toys and books with you. If he gets scared, there will be something to turn his attention to.

All sorts of interesting little things work well - soap bubbles, small balloons, stickers, etc. By watching the bubbles (and doing any other fun and interesting thing), it will be easier for the child to adapt to the place.

The most important thing for a child in exploring new territories is your support, love and peace of mind. Remember this and please be tolerant and patient.

Many parents are faced with the fact that a child who calmly communicates and communicates with other people suddenly develops unreasonable fears. When he sees a stranger, he runs and hugs his family, trying to hide. This behavior can appear in children as young as 8 months. In psychology it is called “fear of strangers”.

Why is a child afraid of other children?

The behavior of a child who is afraid of other children is similar in most cases. Parents note that at first he willingly goes for a walk, takes toys with him with a desire to play with other children. The closer they get to the playground, the more anxious the baby’s mood becomes.

When he sees children playing on the playground and hears their voices, he may refuse to go play, arguing that “It’s already busy” or “I don’t want to play, there are other children there already.” At the same time, he clings to his mother or hides behind her.

It is obvious that the baby has a desire to play with similar children, but the fear is great . He takes over the desire to play together.

Why is this happening?

The reasons may be different. Often the fear of other children stems from the fact that the baby does not know:

• what to do with other children;
• how to play with them;
• how to communicate;
• what can and cannot be done;
• how to ask for or defend your toy.

In this case, it is important at the initial stage of development to help overcome simple childhood problems together with parents.

Important! Until the age of 3, the baby communicates more with adults and learns from them the rules of behavior and manipulation of various objects. Everything that happens around him “absorbs” like a sponge.

From the age of 3, according to experts, the need to play with other children arises. At this age, children begin to learn to apply the information received. Usually these are role-playing games, and they need a companion for this game.

In their games, they, imitating adults, reproduce what they saw from others or on TV. Then, while playing, they communicate with each other.

By the age of four, the need for communication comes to the fore. But do not forget that each child is individual in terms of the pace of development. It also happens that he has not “grown” to this stage.

Reasons for a child's fear of strangers

At 6-7 months of age, the baby experiences an anxious period when he is afraid of strangers. He clearly distinguishes “his own” and expresses dissatisfaction with the presence of “strangers”. This usually manifests itself when a stranger wants to take him in his arms. The baby is afraid, cries, and may scream even in those moments when a stranger tries to come closer.

Such a reaction at this age is rather a pattern. And it can be explained this way: the person who takes care of the baby is a guarantor of safety for him.

Psychologists have noticed that a child’s fear of strangers also depends on the emotional state of the mother. That is, the baby instinctively reads the reaction from the mother’s expressed concern to the appearance of a stranger.

If you show sincere joy when you see familiar people, then the baby will trust this person and will not worry in his presence. To prevent this period from continuing for a long time, teach him to communicate with other people. In the future, when the baby goes to kindergarten, she will easily get used to the group. And then she won’t have any difficulties adapting to school. Sometimes the period of fear of strangers can last until the age of two.

Where does children's fear of doctors come from?

Often in a children's clinic you can observe how a mother and son or daughter are waiting for a doctor's appointment, and the baby bursts into tears and with all his appearance shows hostility towards people in white coats. What is the reason for children's fear of doctors?

If the doctor has caused pain to the young patient during previous visits, then most likely this can cause fear. At a subsequent visit, the child will be afraid to experience similar painful sensations.

It is important to establish a positive rapport when meeting with your doctor.

Young children are generally strongly attached to their parents. When a stranger begins to touch the belly and touch the body with a cold stethoscope, this will cause, at a minimum, bewilderment on the part of the baby.

Sometimes doctors, due to their busyness or fatigue, do not behave very tactfully or even rudely. This will cause a negative reaction in any patient. In this case, you need to point out the mistakes in the working methods to the doctor or contact another specialist.

The cause of childhood fear can also be the fear of being alone.

Table: norms for a child’s fear of other children, strangers, etc., reasons for fears

How to deal with a child’s fears and where to turn: expert advice

There are different opinions among parents about children's fears. Some believe that by the age of sixteen all existing fears should pass, and there is no need to worry about it ahead of time. Others argue that their children should not be afraid of anyone or anything at all. Opinions are different, but they all come down to one thing: if fears do not allow you to live in peace, you need to fight them.

1. The first thing to do is not to turn away from the baby. . Don’t tell him: “Shame on you, he’s already so big!” Such phrases will not reduce the feeling of fear, but will only make him feel guilty. The child will not want to contact you next time, and his fears will be buried deep in the subconscious, which can only aggravate the situation.
2. Support your son or daughter in a stressful situation . Tell me that you were also afraid of someone as a child. There is no need to explain: “Baba Yaga does not exist,” he himself realizes this with age. Ask him about his fears. Seeing your support, he will not be so afraid.
3. Talk about fears . Together, determine what the child is afraid of and the possible cause of the fear. Consider what needs to be done to get rid of fears or reduce them. But do not take drastic measures, otherwise he will think that his fears are justified.
4. Be confident and show it to your baby . Support from a loved one is extremely important to him: “I won’t let you get hurt,” “I’m nearby,” “I’ll help.” Tell him that he can handle it, and you will support him in this.
5. If fears interfere with the baby, and he sleeps poorly or becomes aggressive and is also withdrawn from society, immediately seek help from a child psychologist or psychotherapist.

Banish childhood fears with your child! Stay close to your baby and it will bring you good results!

anonymously

Hello. My son is 2.3 years old. From about the age of one and a half, he began to be very afraid of doctors (he couldn’t even listen with a stethoscope) and strangers in general. If people on the street try to bend over and talk to him, he runs away or hides behind me. If guests come, she doesn’t come out to them and even cries. When I was very little we went to visit. At first I was afraid there, but then I got used to it. He doesn’t want to play with the kids on the playground or in the sandbox. He loves us to walk together. He enjoys traveling in public transport and goes into large stores where there are a lot of people without any problems. But at home and in “personal” contact there are problems. Also shy of some cartoon characters or. for example, talking toys. He speaks very poorly himself. At the little school I was a little scared, but sat in my arms until the lesson began, where the teacher began to play the piano and began to address the children. Everyone was happy, but mine burst into tears so much that I had to leave. What could this be in your opinion? Will it “outgrow” with age or do we have some serious problems with socialization?

Hello. I understand your anxiety and hasten to reassure you: at this age, a child’s fear of strangers is a common occurrence. This is in no way an indication of problems with socialization. You write: “he doesn’t want to play with the children on the playground or in the sandbox.” As a rule, at this age, some children play not with each other, but next to each other - this is normal. Many children first need to take a closer look at the “stranger” before letting him closer, and when a stranger bends down and tries to speak, a small child’s fear is understandable: he may perceive this as a premature invasion of his personal space. You write: “He speaks very poorly himself.” Have you visited a speech therapist with your child in order to determine whether the child’s speech development is progressing according to age? You write: “the teacher began to play the piano and began to address the children. Everyone was happy, but mine burst into tears...” Perhaps your little son is a sensitive, vulnerable child, with... This is not a diagnosis, these are characteristics of the child’s emotional sphere. With age, this vulnerability and anxiety will decrease. Such children need a friendly atmosphere, a minimum of critical statements and a maximum of support and approval - this is enough so that with age they cease to differ in their emotional reactions from their peers.

anonymously

Thank you very much for your prompt response! We have not yet visited a speech therapist (how can we work with him if the baby is afraid of everyone?) We had an appointment with a neurologist, who prescribed Pantogam with glycine, followed by Magne B6. He communicates only with family members and the nanny, to whom we take him for 2 hours every day. She behaves normally. I am very worried because I plan to send him to kindergarten for about 3 years, how will he socialize in a group of unfamiliar adults (teachers) and children? Surely this is just a case of increased anxiety, plus he is very “homey”. What would you, as a specialist, advise me? Some say take him as much as possible to developmental centers, playgrounds, and visits (despite even crying), others advise to wait and not force him into the company of strangers. I really hope for your answer. Thank you very much in advance. Sincerely.

You write: “We haven’t visited a speech therapist yet (how can we work with him if the baby is afraid of everyone?” As a rule, speech therapists do not work with such young children, a speech therapist can advise you about the child’s speech development and can determine whether it is sufficient or not, he will give you recommendations based on his observations of the child or from your description of how the baby speaks. However, it is not necessary to do this right now, you can wait until the age of 3. The fact that you are seeing your baby with a neurologist is very good. You write: “Some say, take him as much as possible to developmental centers, playgrounds, and visits (despite even crying), others advise to wait and not force the company of strangers on him.” I would categorically not advise you to forcibly socialize your baby despite to cry. This can traumatize his psyche. If you are taking medications from a neurologist (Pantogam, glycine, Magne B6 are mild medications), there should be positive dynamics against their background. Be sure to visit this neurologist again after you have taken the course so that he adjusted further treatment if necessary. Therefore, you need to wait before imposing communication. Give your child the opportunity to get used to some place where his peers are. Do not rush the child, do not push him into contact with others, give him the opportunity to get used to the new environment in your arms or with your protection. Let your baby decide for himself whether he wants communication or not. If he doesn’t want to, we must respect his wishes. Most likely, it will be difficult for him to adapt to kindergarten, you need to be prepared for this. But this is practically the norm for such a child. With gentle, friendly care, such children “outgrow” these problems by school age.